Chapter Text
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"Dude! I think the States Annual Meeting can convene! Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively!" Texas states out loud for everyone in the building to hear.
Wisconsin gives her a strange look. "Uh-"
Tex laughs. "No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and barbecue!"
Virginia calmly sips her cup of tea.
Tex huffs her chest proudly. "Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for reelection!"
Minnesota fixes her bow while Delaware looks uncomfortably to the side, questioning whether or not he made the mistake on letting Tex lead this meeting.
"Alright! Now that's settled, I'll go first! About the whole using fracking to get more oil thing, I think we'll be okay if we engineer a super drill and have it dig to the center of the Earth to find dinosaur blood. Thus, I give you Project Mega Ultra Texas-sized Armadrillo!" She points to a poorly drawn drill shaped like an armadillo on the powerpoint screen.
*Cricket chirps*
Oklahoma shyly raises his hand. "I agree with Tex because..." he mutters in an inaudible voice only a mouse can hear.
"Speak up, or shut up! Everyone wants to speak, too!" Idaho complains in an impatient manner.
"There's no way we can build a drill that'll reach the center of the Earth," New York scoffs. "Frankly, I call bullshit and bologna..." He continues to rant.
California hoots in a smug mood. "If York and Tex don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both?"
"El Niño!" York points at her.
Tex slides over to Cali. "You hippies love to hate on Texas! Why not go back to making good Hollywood movies like you used to!" She smiles while poking her head with a pen.
"Hahaha! That's real funny coming from a greedy, oil baron with a stupid hat!"
"You two are the absolute worse," York remark.
"You're no better than us, Mr. Wolf of Wall Street," she snickers.
While the three states fight over their big egos, the rest of the states can't help, but observe from a safe distance.
Hawaii sighs. "Big states are so immature. I doubt they'll ever grow up! Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work." She goes up to the three. "Would you guys like to sample some Spam tasty treats?" She held out a plate of Spam musubi.
"We'll get hungry again!" York and Cali scold her.
Florida makes a wink at Alaska. "Hey! Why don't you say something, Alaska? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in!"
"What? Why me? No thanks." Alaska shyly shakes her head. "I rather be lonely and single forever than get involved with them. Well, maybe except Texas..." She darts her eyes on the rowdy Texan.
Florida shrugs. "How about you, Michigan? Got anything ya want to say?"
"I'm good! Besides, I have other matters I want to discuss." She eyes Ohio with a wrench in hand.
Ohio pales, covering his mouth as though he's going to vomit.
"Please don't kill my beaver! I swear she didn't mean to break your wooden sculpture!" Oregon cries, holding and protecting her friend from the furious Alabamian.
New Jersey laughs. "You're so tough. Next, you'll try to pick a fight with Massachusetts!"
York glares at him. "Do you have a little detachable head?"
"Stop there!" Vermont halts them both. "If you get any closer to New York, I'll get my maple syrup and go all Bennington on you!"
The two gave him weird looks. "What does that even mean?"
Nevada snores...
"It's like a UFC in here!" Kentucky laughs, but stops laughing all of a sudden. "Hey, that sounds like KFC! Hungry, anyone?"
The entire room is in complete disarray.
"Please anyone! Calm down," Hawaii pleads, but her words fall on deaf ears.
"Eh! Ah! Stop! Get your hands off me!"
In midst of their arguments, no one seem to notice a certain individual arriving at the meeting. The vein in her forehead twitch seeing the state of the room in utter chaos.
With a powerful tap of her heel, she shouts, "EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!"
Everyone turn their heads to the door.
"D.C.!" York and Cali exclaim with their hands around each other's throats.
The U.S. capital storms to the front of the room, taking her spot at the front of the table. She slams down a pile of papers on the table. "The one time I left to get some coffee, I come back to this." She stares hauntingly into everyone's souls. She clears her throat before addressing the room. "This isn't the time to argue and idle around. We've called this conference to solve America's problems; not to fight over first world problems. Because we wasted enough time on pointless discussions, I expect everyone to follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit-chatting or side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand. Understood?"
Everyone nod silently, mostly out of fear.
She lets out a tired breath. "Now then, let's begin." She looks across the room. "With my permission, I allow Colorado to speak."
Everyone's heads turn to the 38th state, awaiting what he has to say.
Colorado smiles with a flush face. "... WEEEEEEEED!"
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Oh, my sweaty balls! It's July, and everyone is fucking dying from a heat stroke! The cure? Why let's head on over to the beach!
New York sighs as he walks down the sidewalk, wearing blue swim trunks, an open, white shirt, and a visor. "It was here or California. And honestly, I prefer California," he grumbles.
He's about to go through the entrance gate to the beach, but a large man in uniform blocks his way. "Sorry, sir. The beach is closed." He crosses his arms.
York's navy blue eyes widen in surprise. "Closed? But this is July."
"We're in midst of a state government shutdown. No one's allowed on the beach until the shutdown is over."
York looks pass the guard to see someone tanning on the beach. Squinting his eyes, he notices the asshole to be New Jersey. "Closed my ass! What's he doing there?" He angrily gestures to his rival down at the beach.
"He's with the governor."
"You mean the racist orangutan's delivery boy. First off, why are they exceptions?" York looks around the guard. "Hey, douchebag! Get your tan butt up here!"
New Jersey raises his head from the towel. He lifts up his sunglasses to see York standing faraway at the entrance of the gate. "Yo!" He waves with a smirk on his face.
"Don't 'yo' me! Let me in!"
"What? I can't hear you!"
"Let me in!"
"I can't hear you!"
"Let me in, damn it!"
"Ooh! I would love to, but I'm busy getting some sun," he chuckles.
York grits his teeth. "Forget this!" He walks away. "This is the last time I'm ever stepping foot in this crowded, fuck nest," he grumbles.
Seeing York disappear, Jersey smiles to himself. "Ah~ Finally, I can have the beach all to myself without an infestation of Yorkies ruining my fun. Although, it's a shame I have to share the beach with my boss." He sighs as he lowers his head back down on the towel. "Now, back to tanning in peace..."
~ Hetalia! ~
Among his goals in life, Ohio wanted to make one of his cities as popular as New York City and Los Angeles. Thus, he came up with a plan: to create a tourism video that'll attract people to come to Cleveland. Unfortunately, he was given two days to shoot the commercial. With much haste, this was the product of his hard work:
The video ends.
Ohio looks to Michigan with an optimistic smile on his face. "... So, what do you think?"
Michigan gives him a weird look. "Didn't Moses Cleaveland leave Cleveland and never came back?"
He sweats awkwardly. "... At least we're not Detroit!"
"Hey!"
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