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Will liked Eleven, he really did. She was kind, understanding, never did anything but try to help him, but God did Will start to feel a guilt-filled irritation every time she was brought to a game of D&D. Eleven was their friend and definitely a member of the Party, but Will saw it as some of the only time he had to hang out with his friends– hang out with Mike.
Since being back, Mike had been consumed with getting Eleven up to speed on everything she had missed. It was sweet, Will could admit, seeing how well they clicked together, barely having a full first language in common but being able to share their entire lives with each other. It was endearing, but sometimes disheartening to watch. Especially because it was all Will could really do in his position. He couldn’t argue why he was getting jealous of how and with whom Mike was spending his time; Mike didn’t know of the festering crush flaring up every time Will thought he’d have just a second to have Mike’s attention all his own. But Will had to remind himself he didn’t own anything, he wasn’t owed anything, he didn’t deserve to be the center of attention. His dad was right. He should know better than to walk around being like that.
“Will, you have to stop pouting over it.” Lucas told Will, the three of them walking their bikes down the field behind Mike’s house. Mike and El were ahead of them, El sitting on Mike’s bike as he pushed it. “El is his friend. He’s just happy she’s back.”
“I am too.” Will agreed. “I’m just… I miss Mike.”
“He hasn’t gone anywhere.” Dustin said, furrowing his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing… It’s stupid.” Will muttered, pushing out of their line. “I just miss hanging out with him.”
“You are with him right now.” Lucas countered. “I don’t see what the problem is. El is a member of the Party too.”
“Yeah. Yeah I know.” Will nodded and climbed onto his bike. “Never mind.” He held his legs up and let the slope of the hill pedal for him. He passed Mike and Eleven, gaining speed quickly and headed for Mike’s house.
The hill was covered in grass, uneven terrain from animals and weather. Will steered around holes and bumps, going through high patches of grass to feel it against the bottoms of his legs and feet. Typically, the tall grass was just covering a molehill. The one Will drove through was hiding a boulder, hitting Will’s front tire and sending him up and over his handlebars.
Upon impact, Will threw his arms up to his face and clenched his eyes closed. He waited to hit the ground, but he seemed to fall forever, or rather, stop falling. Will twisted in the air and looked behind him to Eleven, who was off the bike and reaching for him. A steady drip of blood came from her nose.
“Will? Are you okay?” Mike cried, dropping his bike and rushing over to him. He held his arms out and grabbed Will to release him from Eleven’s invisible grip.
“I’m fine.” Will muttered, squirming in Mike’s arm. He couldn’t let himself be held. “I just didn’t see the rocks.”
“Dude, you went flying.” Dustin cried, still catching up. “What the hell?”
“I just hit something. I–I’m fine.” Will repeated.
“You’re damn lucky El’s here.” Lucas said, patting Eleven on the back while offering her a tissue for her nose.
“Yeah… Thanks, El.” Will said slowly, the bitterness trying to escape in his tone unfamiliar and shocking. Will felt jealous and sour and guilty. Eleven just saved him from having to get multiple teeth replaced and he still felt a pang of darkness consuming his words and twisting his chest, much how Will was twisting his own jacket sleeves. “I should really go home.”
“We haven’t even gotten to my house yet.” Mike said, waving to his house just in the distance. “We’re supposed to get quarters for the arcade!”
“I–I think I’m just going to go home.” Will said, grabbing his bike. The wheel was dented and the frame was no longer aligned. Will would have to walk it all the way home. Better start now.
“Wait!” Mike said. Normally, Will would stop, but he kept going, trying to keep his quivering lip and running nose to himself.
“Just leave him,” Lucas said. “He’s been in a bad mood for like, weeks. I think he needs someone who knows what’s happening… I don’t know what to do.”
“Mike, is he okay?” Eleven asked quietly. She was so sincere, so gentle and concerned. Will picked up his pace and forced his friends to leave earshot.
Will stomped his way to the end of Mike’s street. He thought that if he walked with furious confidence, his tears would dissolve before they fell down his cheeks. He never thought he could be so wrong. Before he could even reached the street sign, his vision was completely blurred with hot tears and burning embarrassment. By the street sign, Will dropped his bike, trying to wipe his eyes and clear up his vision, but the moment he allowed himself to exhale, he began shuddering with sobs. His guilt consumed him, his arms coming up over his head and trying to hide his entire body in the fetal position. It was just a stupid crush. It was stupid. It was pointless. It was wrong.
“Will?” Mike was nearly next to Will, his voice quiet but still startling Will. “Are you okay?”
“Leave me alone.” Will sniffled. “I’m fine.” He tried to wipe his eyes, but his last word ended with a hiccup.
“What’s wrong?” Mike eased himself into the grass beside Will, folding his legs under himself. “Will, you aren’t fine.” His hand landed on Will’s shoulder and Will tried not to answer, tried not to whimper out a pathetic response, but the touch was strong against his shoulder. It was impossible to ignore, to pretend he hadn’t missed it.
“It’s so stupid.” Will muttered. “It’s so so stupid.”
“It can be if it’s making you upset.” Mike said, trying to soothe Will.
“But it is! I don’t want to be like this!” Will cried, whipping his head to look at Mike. “I don’t want to be jealous and I wish I wasn’t–” Will promptly closed his mouth, forbidding the words to ever come from his mouth. If he never said it, it could still just be a rumor.
“Wish you weren’t what?” Mike repeated. “And jealous of what? Will, I want to help but I don’t understand you.” His eyes were wide, worried, and slowly getting wet as they swelled with empathetic tears. “Will, what’s going on?”
“I miss you.” Will sighed, covering his face again. “I miss you.”
“Miss me?” Mike began laughing, sliding his hand over Will’s shoulder to hold him. He rocked him playfully, but Will continued to cover his face, hiding his tears successfully, but not his still quivering lip. “Oh! Oh, you really mean that!” Mike cried, stopping and placing another hand on Will’s arm. “Will, I’m right here. What do you mean?”
“No.” Will cleared his throat and tried to speak with finality rather than helplessness. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”
“What is it?” Mike asked again. Walking down the center of the street were their three other friends, all approaching with varying levels of concern and curiosity. “Come on, before they all get over here and start picking your brain, tell me. Tell your best friend.”
Best friend. Mike was Will’s longest and closest friend. They had been friends for nearly every year Will could recall memories. They were ingrained in each other’s lives, and Will was going to ruin every last moment of their friendship.
“I like Eleven.” Will started. Mike’s eyebrows shot up, nearly going into his hairline, but he stayed silent. Will shook his head and tried to whisk some of the tears away. “I mean, she’s my friend and I’m so glad she’s back and she’s safe.”
“Okay.” Mike nodded, trying to understand.
“But, I wish she wasn’t with you all the time.” Will admitted, lowering his eyes and hoping to avoid Mike’s disappointed face.
“Has it really been that much?” Mike asked, beginning to rub Will’s shoulders. “I didn’t notice, but I guess it’s been a lot, huh?”
“No. Don’t do that.” Will begged. “Don’t agree with me. I’m being terrible. I’m letting these stupid little feelings ruin our Party reuniting and–”
“Feelings?” Mike repeated the word like it was foreign, like Will had just spoken in a different language. He was trying to use the word without even knowing the meaning. He had every right to be nervous. “Feelings about what?”
Will had no reason to speak the truth. He had every voice in his head telling him to shut up, but had a set of focused brown eyes telling him to come clean. “About you.”
“About me.” Mike repeated Will’s words, but they didn’t seem to shock him. “Okay.”
“See? I told you. This was stupid. I’m an awful friend– I should go home.” Will tried to stand but Mike kept his arm on his shoulders, weighing him down.
“I didn’t say anything.” Mike said.
“I know.” Will mumbled. “That’s worse.”
“I’m just… Eleven is my friend, she’s all of our friends. But you? You’re my only best friend. I mean sure, I love Lucas and Dustin, but you and me? That’s different.” Mike said, leaning in to speak in a lower tone as the group still inched closer. “But… I guess… I dunno, I’m trying to figure out what that ‘different’ means now. Because I don’t want to lie and say I don’t have them too.”
“What?” Will’s shocked and frozen expression did nothing to keep the group away, their pace noticeably quickening as Will began to gawk at Mike.
“I missed Eleven, and I want to hang out with her because she’s missed so much. But I can’t leave your side, even if you’re half stuck in the Upside Down. That’s different.”
“Is different good?” Will had been told by his father countless times that it wasn’t, but maybe Mike would be the one to make being different worth it.
“I think different is good.” Mike said, mulling it over with a smile. His arm tightened around Will’s shoulders, keeping him close even as the group reached them. “I think it’s very good.”