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After their fumbling first dance, Eleven thanked Mike with a gracious kiss on the cheek. She said she had other dates to show off to with her skill, the flourish of her misguided hands almost hitting Mike in the nose. They shared a moment of close laughter, Mike happy that he was able to make a terrifying evening for Eleven a pleasant outing with friends. She touched his hair, tucking it behind his ear and telling him that it was curlier than she had seen it– and that she liked it. And she was sure others would too. She was being a kind and gentle faux date, complimenting and flattering Mike. Her words were sincere but benign. But that’s not how Will saw it; halfway across the gym, all he saw was his two friends laughing, touching, and chastely kissing.
The admission of feelings coiling in Will’s throat swelled with a quick gasp of air. Suddenly, he felt lifeless, gutted and empty in the center of the shining streamers. He turned and ran out of the gym, feet stomping just under the blaring music. He slipped past his classmates unnoticed and skirted around Mr. Clarke at the door and outside into the freezing air.
There was a dusting of snow on the asphalt and small flakes falling down on Will. He folded his arms and marched out of the school and into the vast darkness stretching out in front of him. Maybe the black would swallow him up. He just wanted to tell Mike he wanted to dance. He just wanted to say that one damn sentence. Instead, Will was on his way to ruining Mike’s whole evening with Eleven– he didn’t even know they had gone together as dates. He thought they were friends. Will felt humiliated by his own thoughts.
“Will? Will what are you doing?” Mike was behind Will, holding the door open as he called out to him.
“Nothing.” Will lied, pretending to be plotting stars in the sky.
“You’re going to freeze death. Get back in here!” Mike said. “The dance isn’t over yet. Come on.”
“I’m fine. My mom’s coming early.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. There was a payphone around back of the school, Will just hadn’t made the call home yet.
“Why? Is something wrong?” Mike stepped out into the snow and let the door slam behind him. “Did someone say something to you?” Besides the only person asking Will to dance being a girl that called him “Zombie Boy”? No. Nothing.
“I just want to go home, Mike. I’m okay.” Will shrugged and looked down at the entrance to the parking lot, like his mother would appear just by sheer force of will.
“No, you’re not. I can tell.” Mike argued, walking up beside him. “Something’s bothering you.” He placed a hand on Will’s back and he could feel the words dislodge from his throat. They weren’t ready to come out. They sank into his stomach like an airless diving canister; Will’s only hope now was that he could hold his breath long enough to survive the interaction.
“Go back in there and be with your date.” Will said quietly. “Don’t let me interrupt.” He didn’t want to be that person in Mike’s life; the one that came in when everything was good, and wrecked it with his gushy and uncontrollable feelings.
“What?” Mike laughed, leaning down to try and see Will’s face more clearly. “My date? I drove with Nancy. She’s not my date, Will.”
“I’m talking about El.” Will sighed. Why was Mike making him say it? Wasn’t the truth embarrassing enough?
“El? What about her?” Mike leaned further forward, his furrowed expression entering Will’s field of vision. He let himself look at Mike. “She’s off dancing with Max right now. She’s fine.” Will’s shoulders sagged, Mike just not getting the point and the truth sinking its teeth deeper into Will. He was gasping for breath by then.
“She’s your date. Go be with her.”
“El’s not my date.” Mike laughed boldly, throwing his head back. “You’re kidding, right?”
“She kissed you.” Will said, although hesitant in case his eyes had deceived him. “I saw it.”
“Okay.” Mike nodded, eyes still squinted. “And what does that mean?”
What did it mean? It meant that Will was too late. He hadn’t kept his feelings trapped and his mouth shut and missed the window to tell his best friend that he wasn’t like the rest of them. That he was exactly what his father had said he was. Will was hoping at the dance, he’d tell Mike, say he’d like to dance with him and Mike would smile and say that he’d like to. Mike would tell him that he was still his best friend and that nothing had changed. Will wanted to be reassured that he could be honest and still be loved at the same time. Instead, he was remembering why there were no stories where people like him were happy– they just weren’t.
“She likes you.”
“She did.” Mike said with a short laugh. “We’re kind of just friends now.”
Will tucked his hands under his arms, trying to preserve heat and divide himself from Mike. “You don’t have to lie.”
“Will, I’m not.” Mike grabbed his arms and pulled them from his body. Will fought back but eventually let Mike untangle his arms and grip his hands. “We’re just friends, Will. She’s different than us.”
“Us?” Will echoed. His breath fogged out in front of him, mixing with Mike’s own exhale.
“Us. We’re different friends.” Mike said, hands still tightly wrapped around Will’s. “My stomach doesn’t flip when I look at El.”
“I–It doesn’t?”
“It doesn’t have butterflies either.” Mike shook his head and shuffled closer to Will, their footprints ruining the crisp blanket of snow. “Only you do that.” Will was glad he had kept his mouth shut so long; Mike was saying everything so much better.
Will had to act like he wasn’t gasping for air, finally able to breath and making it out alive after all. “Mine too.”
“Sorry I didn’t dance with you instead of her.” Mike admitted, looking down at his feet. He stared like they were tainted, shuffling around the wrong partner to a cursed melody. “I was scared.”
“I am too.” Will admitted, breath still wrapping around Mike’s face.
“Is it too late?” Mike asked, peering up from his shoes. “For that dance. Is it too late?”
“No.” Will said, shaking his head. “No, it’s not.”
The music was dim, only audible through the walls of the school, but they could still find the beats needed to dance. They couldn’t decide who was supposed to hold the other’s shoulders or waist, so they both held each other by the waist. Neither of them really knew what to do, or how to lead, so they shuffled in the same two spots. They were shivering but smiling with pink cheeks and red noses. It was all Will could have wanted. Bone chilling cold and all, he was finally having the night he had dreamed.
“I’m sorry I made you come outside.” Will said, looking down at Mike’s trembling hands still on his waist. “I shouldn’t have run out. I-I was being stupid.” There was a flourishing heat crawling up his neck and making him feel like he was sweating despite the freezing temperature.
“You’re not stupid.” Mike said firmly, lifting his hands from Will’s waist to hold his shoulders. “Nothing about this is stupid.”
“It’s just a crush though–”
“It’s not a crush if I feel the same way.” Mike said, his fogged breath blowing past Will’s nose, both of them inching closer in the cold. “It’s not stupid.”
Will stared up at Mike, his lips blue and teeth chattering in the wind. His eyes closed and Will thought it was concealing a regretful spark in his eyes. Mike was hiding the truth from him, maybe just to protect his feelings– a crush was pretty stupid. Will didn’t expect Mike, with his closed eyes and suddenly held breath, to begin leaning in towards him. Will panicked, Mike moving slow enough to give Will a fraction of a second to freeze and run through every possible thought he had ever had on the topic– should he kiss him? Push him away? Pretend he didn’t notice? Admit he had never kissed anyone? Will closed his eyes slowly, shutting off his last comfort, before leaning forward himself.
Will’s lips were completely numb, but he could definitely feel Mike’s smile curling against his lips. He wasn’t actually sure how his first kiss felt, but he was sure it was the happiest moment of his life– for the both of them.