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He's too good at hiding his pain
It's a bite, a bottle, a fist, five leather bands. But it's always there. He hurts in a similar way, one that he thinks is his fault, you know what that feels like. That ever-present twinge of But he's so good at driving just fast enough, cursing just crudely enough, it's almost enough to make you forget that he's hurting at all, and not just his 'Ronan self'. All you can do is be there, if he wants to talk. Let yourself be there. Cus he's there for you. He never made you feel obligated to talk about anything and that's what made the difference.
Sometimes when you're arguing with him, when he so obviously wants to pick a fight, when he's all teeth and claws, try not to let him draw blood. Trust yourself, he'll regret it. He makes it so easy for you to be mad at him rather than just saying, "I'm upset." He's too well crafted.
No matter how annoying his music is, it’s not going to change
It’s loud and obnoxious and makes no sense. But it’s cute when he makes you listen to that one song that gets his adrenaline moving. He’s so eager for your approval. It’s all noise to you but you smile and try to look interested because believe it or not, he cares about what you think.
He’ll struggle through all the music you make him listen to on the radio, but with less enthusiasm. He’ll let you finish that song, complain about the banjo solo and how it sounds like someone is dying, and immediately change it to something energetic and angry.
You hate his music, but somehow you eventually learn to sleep through it.
Adoration means more than love
He says, “I fucking adore you.”
Half joking, you say, “Not love?”
He says, “No. Adore. Love is overused.”
You think about it some, and you think it means that he is in love with every single individual part of you; even the bad. Not in love with the idea of what you are whole.
You start laughing when you realize you’re crying because no one has ever said that to you and how else do you react when a beautiful boy crawls inside your heart and patches up the walls.
You say, “Well I fucking adore you too.”
And he adores the way you say ‘fuck.’
He’s never not scared of dreaming
Sitting up all night has less to do with wanting to fool around, though you want it most nights too. But he’s killing time till morning. That’s when you realize he’s avoiding sleep. He’s got a better handle on his dreams now, but it’s the same as when you’re touched too roughly- you know you’re not being hurt, but the pain is still there and it’s hard not to be afraid when that’s all you’ve known for so long.
You don’t tell him to sleep and he pretends he’s okay. But you know what fear looks like.
He needs you
Don’t pull away when he hugs you too tight. Don’t leave him alone when his hands are shaking. He’s not going to say it, he’s not going to admit it with words. When he looks like he needs to be hugged, he does. When he asks if he can come over, instead of just showing up, its because he needs something more. Something only you can give him.
When he’s being an asshole and tells you to fuck off, its because he’s too used to being on his own, that he doesn’t know how to let you help him. But he wants you. He’s choosing you.
So when he pushes you, push back.
Don't ask him to fix his tie
You know where this argument will lead.
Don't ask him to wear any hue brighter than dark grey
You know where this argument will lead too.
That said, he very much likes it when you wear his clothes
He won't actually say it, but there is a flush that creeps on his cheeks when you wear his tank tops when you sleep over. You never thought you'd use the word adorable to describe Ronan, but he stammered. He stammered. You don't even know what band it is, something old and with holes but it's soft and somehow clean.They swallow you because he's broader in the shoulders, but they smell like him so you don't really mind all that much. And the way he looks at you, the way he peels it off you, that's a whole other feeling.
Every argument can be won by spooning
When he’s being an ass, when he’s flaring up, when he’s this close to saying something that’ll really piss you off. Just take his hand. He’s still yelling, he’s still cursing, but he’s following. Sit him down, lay down, and he’ll follow. He’ll lay in the open space of your chest, angrily of course. But he’ll eventually stop.
Nothing really gets solved, but you don’t wanna go to bed angry because then you’ll wake up regretting.
But he’s so warm against you and he’s still grumbling when he takes your hand and holds it against his chest.
He says, “You’re such an asshole,”
And all you can do is smile.
He is genuinely attracted to you
It’s hard to deal with sometimes because you’re always wondering why. He doesn’t explain himself, just makes it really evident in the way he kisses every bit of you- the way he stares at your mouth when you’re chewing on your pen. The way his hands grab your sides and massage along your ribs and chest, mapping out every hard-worn muscle.
The way he just stares and your face gets hot.
He wants you so bad.
He’ll never leave you
When you talk about what you’re doing after college, he never says what he’s doing. It’s like he’s already made up his mind to follow you wherever you go. You’re always gonna wonder if maybe you’re just an experiment until he finds someone else, but sometimes he looks at you as if you’re the last thing he ever wants to see in this world - like he could die tomorrow, and so long as you’re the last image in his head, it’s okay.
He’ll never leave the bed first. He’ll lay there wide awake for hours before you wake up.
He almost went to jail for you.
He helped keep you in school.
And that was when you thought he barely even liked you.
He loves sitting in your lap
When you’re both alone, in his room or yours, he’s like a cat. Even if it doesn’t get passed just sitting together, he likes sitting on you. Feeling your heartbeat, being held. It’s a side of himself he’ll never show anyone, needing that brand of comforting affection.
But when things do start getting heavy, when he’s pulling up your shirt and grinding himself into you, (rolling his hips so that your mind is ready to explode) that’s when you think that maybe if things ever got that far, he wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end. That makes your dick twitch and he notices and you think that maybe he’s got the same ideas.
He isn't going to hurt you
His grip on your neck is the softest he's ever been with you so take a deep breath. He rolls you on top of him so you aren't trapped, this is going to be okay. He kisses you so deep you forget how to breathe, but there's no teeth and no biting. Not this time. He's holding you above him, so look at him. See those eyes so wide, hungry but adoring. He doesn't have to say it, but you know he'll let you walk out of this any time you want and wouldn't be angry. He pushes the hair out of your face and holds your cheek.
He knows you don't know what you're doing, and really neither does he. He can feel you shaking so he stops, places a hand on your back and the other on your heart. You have to stop for a minute because it's too much and sometimes you forget the situation you're in isn't dangerous. You're clenching your fists tight and your stomach is cramping and you want to cry because you want him so bad but you're scared. He rolls you over so you're both laying face to face and holds you and that's how you fall asleep. You wake the same way feeling ashamed and thankful.
You say, "I'm sorry."
He says, "Don't."
It’s okay to love him
You aren't being selfish.