Chapter Text
♫
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about these stupid, little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories that never can escape
“If today I woke up—Hey!” your best friend Jimin was interrupted from belting out the bridge when you turned the music off. Your co-doctor Seokjin sniggers from the driver’s seat.
“Music is the reason why people don’t take amnesia seriously,” you comment, playing some instrumentals instead.
“Says the orthopedist,” Jimin scoffs.
“As a neurologist, I actually agree…” Seokjin adds.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But I was just singing?” Jimin reasons.
“Maybe not breakup songs. At least, not today…” you say sadly.
Jimin’s eyebrows furrow at that. He check’s the date to understand. When he sees it, he immediately apologizes.
September 12, 20XX.
5 years ago
Med school was no joke, and you knew that. You knew you had to push through with it—for your parents and for yourself.
You were more than grateful to have Namjoon by you side. Your boyfriend was a cup of coffee on a long and tiring day.
Needless to say, Namjoon was your strength, your motivation, your reason to keep going.
At that time, Namjoon was only an 'aspiring' rapper, composer, and producer. Even if the industry was harsh—greedy and selfish— he was far from that. Everyone who knew Namjoon would be blessed by his passion. His dreams were never too personal. He humbly celebrated the littlest of his success. He motivated others to do great.
Namjoon was full of love for you, and you felt it very much.
But something deep inside caused yourself to think that as Namjoon tried to reach up towards his own dreams, you were weighing him down… That's the last thing you ever wanted to do. And of course, you don't want to hinder your beloved from achieving.
So you broke up with him.
Who would've thought it was possible to accomplish something with a broken heart, because that's exactly what both of you did.
A year after, Namjoon was recognized for his debut single, Reflection. Despite the song's theme, fans who felt the same emotions he conveyed started pouring in.
Meanwhile, you finally found a field of specialization as an orthopedist, and spent more hours studying and submitting research works. You tried your best no to get distracted your ex’s success, even though the theme of his song gravely bothers you.
You wanted to run back to Namjoon—tell him that he must love himself, or that if he didn’t, you were very much willing to do it for him.
But you knew “better”. You did not want to waste your "efforts".
Two years after the dreaded breakup, Namjoon only grew bigger. He now had collaborations with foreign and local artists.
Meanwhile, you graduated, and eventually passed your board exam. You and your family celebrated this—they were all happy and proud...but you knew something, or someone, was missing.
---
Whenever Jimin would bring up your ex, (which was a very regular thing, screw him), you would just nod or not show interest.
But of course, that was only your way of concealing your emotions. You cut all connections with him anyway.
Yet whenever you were alone, you follow your needy heart, listening to every song, watching every interview, and keeping all possible photos.
This shall be your 'dirty little secret', for two years (and counting).
On the third year, you were very satisfied with your work at the hospital. You met a lot and befriended new colleagues, like Seokjin. You were more than happy to help patients. You would say that things have been going well.
Maybe, you made the right decision to break up with the person who still has your heart.
---
Namjoon was busy with his mixtape, "RM". The fans didn't complain for the lack of new music since they knew they had something to look forward to.
The rapper-producer was requested to guest on popular local shows. (You definitely did not miss any of them.)
During one of his interviews, Namjoon released a special collaboration with the country's biggest idol, Jeon Jungkook. He admitted that the song was very personal to him, and when asked if the song was dedicated to someone, he just shrugs and laughs at the interviewer.
"The song is entitled Coffee."
♫
[JK]
Baby baby, you’re acaramel macchiato
Your scent is still sweet on my lips
Baby, baby tonight
[RM]
Girl, I debuted, that’s enough right?
I made a bet with the world on how much I’d succeed
My half-moon eye smile that I only showed you,
I’m doing it again these days
My fans are curious
Oh and I don’t drink macchiatos
You know that I started drinking americanos because of you
When we dated, I wondered what kind of taste this was
But this cold and bitter aftertaste makes sense now that you’re not here. girl
If I’m gonna get used to everything like this,
I would choose the full-of-regrets, playing with fire
Our heartless promises, countless mistakes and other wrongs,
Our unspeakable and small wounds
The glass filled with memories is more bitter as I drink it
But I think I know why I keep drinking it
Why am I getting so sad that everyone lives this way?
…
♫
"Y/N, have you heard the song?" Jimin asks through a phone call while you were on your break.
"What song?" you quietly answer.
"Namjoon's."
"Yeah," you nonchalantly reply, which shocks the younger, since you never entertain his questions regarding the man.
"Don't you think it's for you?"
This makes you splutter. "I-it's for... He's… probably got someone now..!"
“Ugh, if I were with you right now, I would flick your forehead.”
“Thanks?”
"Y/N?!!! He's saying that finally got his dreams, but he wants you in it!" Jimin says exasperatedly.
"It's not me. That's impossible."
"You're the only one who broke his heart before his debut!"
"Jimin-"
"And you're the one he used to drink coffee with!"
"Jimin-"
"Plus you broke your promise of forever with him!" Jimin says loudly, you had to pull your phone away.
"I-I said, n-no. Just... Shut up, Jimin. Please?"
"Namjoon moved on. And it's best that I do, too," you say more to yourself than to the younger.
It has been four years, and you pretend not to notice. You have been really occupied, anyway. It’s time your supervisors noticed your talent and skills in the medical field. Sometimes you were requested to supervise surgeries, requiring you to spend nights and mornings in the hospital. Nevertheless, you believe it was a good way to keep yourself "distracted".
Namjoon had released his mixtape and it was eagerly loved by his fans. (Note: and his ex, a.k.a. you). He was known for being the idol who called for social awareness, driving away from the mainstream RnB's that only wooed a selected audience.
♫
Awakening by RM
[Chorus]
In the moment of my failure, will someone hold my hand?
In the moment when I come down from the stage, will that person be next to me?
Just tell me that I can survive
In this cold world, just feel my vibe
I know one day at a time
The sun gon' shine
...
♫
Of course, Jimin doesn't forget to find lyrics that were (most probably) "for Y/N!".
"He's still looking for you, Y/N. He's lonely,” he says one time as you were having lunch with Seokjin.
"No, Jimin. He's happy with his success. Besides... he's just asking because he wants someone new. I'm surprised he hasn't yet."
"I'm surprised you haven't yet."
"Yeah, well, it's hard being a doctor."
"It's hard being an idol, too. See! You have... the same 'fake' excuse. 'Busy-ness'!"
"It's called focus, Jiminie, which also happens to be the reason I broke up with him."
"So you'd rather focus on your careers that be happy with each other?" Seokjin asks.
"It's... not that simple."
"But you haven't even tried, Y/N…" the older man adds.
"Jin, why don't you have a girlfriend?"
“Because I haven’t met someone that can match my good looks,” he confidently replies, and gestures to his face.
“Go away, Mr. Perfect,” you scoff.
The neurologist stands up then, before blowing a raspberry and walking out of the room.
“Have you ever thought about dating Jin?” Jimin teases, and you shove him away.
“Idiot.”
On the fifth anniversary of your break-up, (you don't really know why you remember it, it’s not like it’s supposed to be celebrated), you were asked to cover for your senior's graveyard shift at the hospital.
At 2:51 am, you suddenly get called into the emergency room.
‘A patient has just been brought in with a severe head trauma, as well as bone fractures along the arms and ribs.’
As you was rushing to the ER, you overhear the news from the hallway television.
“Famous rapper-producer, Kim Namjoon, also known as Rap Monster, gets involved in a serious car accident…”
And your world stops.
W-what?
You glance to the nearest TV and see his photo flashed on the monitor, as the reporter continues.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you whisper, just before running at a surprising speed towards the area.
It can’t be him.