Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart created a chat group.
arrow2theheart renamed chat: Scavengers Away!

arrow2theheart added i_am_ir0nman to the chat!
arrow2theheart added blackwidowbaby to the chat!
arrow2theheart added feelthethunder to the chat!
arrow2theheart added howtoart107 to the chat!
arrow2theheart added gammasci to the chat!

i_am_ir0nman: What the hell is this?
i_am_ir0nman: I don’t know any of you people.

howtoart107: i was thinking the same thing.

blackwidowbaby: Clint, what did you do?

arrow2theheart: *gasp* im shocked that u would think i did anything
arrow2theheart: but would u be mad if i said i signed us up for a nationwide scavenger hunt?

blackwidowbaby: And?

arrow2theheart: i picked random people 2 be on our team
arrow2theheart: don’t be mad!

blackwidowbaby: I’m going to kill you.

i_am_ir0nman: I assume you two know each other?

blackwidowbaby: Unfortunately.

arrow2theheart: im hurt

howtoart107: well, i guess we’re stuck together for the rest of the year.
howtoart107: or until we lose.

i_am_ir0nman: I guess we are.
i_am_ir0nman: At least you chose Brucie-bear, too.

gammasci: I told you to never call me that.

i_am_ir0nman: You love it.

gammasci: I really don’t.

feelthethunder: HELLO NEW FRIENDS!!!

i_am_ir0nman: Umm…

howtoart107: hi?

feelthethunder: I am sorry. My caps lock was on.

i_am_ir0nman: That explains it.

arrow2theheart: ok everyone!
arrow2theheart: now that everyones here we can start

blackwidowbaby: I still don’t like this.

arrow2theheart: oh come on nat!
arrow2theheart: it will be fun!

blackwidowbaby: …
blackwidowbaby: You’re washing Lucky for the next month.

arrow2theheart: the next week

blackwidowbaby: Two weeks.

arrow2theheart: deal

blackwidowbaby: What’s the first thing on the list?

arrow2theheart: a pic from the top of the empire state building

howtoart107: i can get that. i live in New York.

arrow2theheart: you need to have a symbol for our team in the pic too

i_am_ir0nman: What do you mean?

arrow2theheart: we need a symbol ‘cause it means we didnt just get the pics off the internet

howtoart107: i can make one.
howtoart107: what do you guys want it to be?

arrow2theheart: idk

i_am_ir0nman: How about a fancy A?

blackwidowbaby: Why?

i_am_ir0nman: Scavengers minus Sc equals Avengers

blackwidowbaby: That… actually makes sense.

howtoart107: ok
howtoart107: how about this?
howtoart107: Multimedia Message Sent

i_am_ir0nman: Did you just draw that?

howtoart107: yeah.

i_am_ir0nman: That’s awesome.

gammasci: I agree with Tony.

howtoart107: it’s not that good.

arrow2theheart: r u kidding? i cant even draw stick figures. ur amazing dude!

blackwidowbaby: For once, Clint’s right.

feelthethunder: IT IS A FANTASTIC DRAWING.
feelthethunder: Damn caps lock.

howtoart107: thanks everyone. i appreciate it.

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart: so i just learned that we dont have enough people
arrow2theheart: we need at least eight

howtoart107: i know two guys that didn’t get picked for a team.

arrow2theheart: im down to let them join if everyone else is

i_am_ir0nman: I’m okay with it.

gammasci: Me too.

feelthethunder: The more the merrier!

blackwidowbaby: I reserve judgement until I meet them.

howtoart107: …alright then.

howtoart107 added w1nterrain to the chat.
howtoart107 added parafalc0n to the chat.

w1nterrain: what the fuck is this, Stevie?

arrow2theheart: such language! for shame!

howtoart107: Sam, Buck, meet your new scavenger hunt teammates.

w1nterrain: and you didn’t ask me about this before because?

parafalc0n: Ignore the idiot. It’s nice to meet you all.

arrow2theheart: parafalc0n is there any chance the para in your name has something to do with parachutes?

parafalc0n: Um, yeah?

arrow2theheart: good
arrow2theheart: number 17 on the list is a pic of a team member hang gliding or parachuting

w1nterrain: don’t give him an excuse to go flying
w1nterrain: he’ll drag me along and that never turns out well

parafalc0n: Oh, be quiet. You’re just scared of heights.

w1nterrain: i’m not scared of heights!

parafalc0n: Then why did you freeze last time?

w1nterrain: i have one arm, you moron! it throws off my balance, you know that!

parafalc0n: Nah, you’re just a scaredy-cat.

w1nterrain: get over here, you prick!

parafalc0n: odneofnwsiinellsne

i_am_ir0nman: What just happened?

howtoart107: Bucky just tackled Sam.
howtoart107: sorry. winter just tackled falcon.

arrow2theheart: go winter!!!

gammasci: You’re all in the same room?

howtoart107: yep.
howtoart107: Multimedia Message Sent

i_am_ir0nman: Ooo, nice headlock, falcon.

arrow2theheart: nice muscles winter. like damn

blackwidowbaby: Clint.

arrow2theheart: what? cant i appreciate a hot guy when i see one?

w1nterrain: i don’t mind.
w1nterrain: i’d return the favor if i knew what you looked like, doll.

i_am_ir0nman: Ew. Take your flirting elsewhere.

gammasci: Like you’re one to talk, Tony.
gammasci: Aren’t you the one that told me that I had the sexy professor look going on?

i_am_ir0nman: You do, Brucie-bear! The students would be all over you!

gammasci: I appreciate that Tony, but you don’t have to lie.

i_am_ir0nman: I’m not lying!
i_am_ir0nman: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: damn son
arrow2theheart: that is one sexy professor

i_am_ir0nman: I know, right?

feelthethunder: I have to agree, Bruce. You are quite handsome.

gammasci: Thanks everyone.

~~~

howtoart107: Multimedia Message Sent

parafalc0n: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: yay!
arrow2theheart: 2 down a lot to go!

w1nterrain: how many things are in this hunt anyway?

arrow2theheart: a lot

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart: so theres one other thing i forgot 2 mention

blackwidowbaby: Clint.

arrow2theheart: yes nat?

blackwidowbaby: Tread lightly. Your Nerf arsenal is at stake.

arrow2theheart: not my babies!!!

i_am_ir0nman: Out with it, Birdbrain.

arrow2theheart: some of the things on the list may require all of us being together
arrow2theheart: like in person

gammasci: Exactly how many of them?

arrow2theheart: at least a quarter of them

blackwidowbaby: Clint.

arrow2theheart: dont hurt me!

howtoart107: don’t hurt him, we need him.

arrow2theheart: yeah! you need me!
arrow2theheart: that reminds me
arrow2theheart: nat send the video

blackwidowbaby: I can’t believe you dragged me along to do this.
blackwidowbaby: Multimedia Message Sent

w1nterrain: is that seriously on the list?

blackwidowbaby: Apparently.

arrow2theheart: yup!
arrow2theheart: number 14: video of a teammate walking through a burger king drive thru and asking for a happy meal

arrow2theheart: the best part is the guy actually ended up calling up the mcdonalds down the street 2 get me my food

i_am_ir0nman: You have no shame.
i_am_ir0nman: I love it.

w1nterrain: are you like that in bed too?

i_am_ir0nman: Oh come on. Not again.

arrow2theheart: u’ll just have 2 come find out

parafalc0n: Text speak. So sexy.

w1nterrain: shut up, Sam.

~~~

pepperpot: Tony, why are there dozens of drawings of mechanical limbs laying all over the place?

i_am_ir0nman: I got an idea.

pepperpot: Yes, I gathered that.
pepperpot: But do you have to leave your idea all over the house?

i_am_ir0nman: I have a process.

upintheair: by process, he means mess

i_am_ir0nman: You wound me, Honeybear.

upintheair: you’ll survive

~~~

howtoart107: we should all probably say where we live
howtoart107: so we can dole out location specific challenges

parafalc0n: Sir, yes sir!

w1nterrain: aye aye Captain

howtoart107: both of you shut it

i_am_ir0nman: Wait, did I miss something here?
i_am_ir0nman: Steeb is a Captain?

w1nterrain: yup
w1nterrain: first of our high school football team and then our CO

parafalc0n: Your CO.
parafalc0n: I never had the pleasure of being under Steve.
parafalc0n: That came out wrong.

arrow2theheart: did it? did it really?

i_am_ir0nman: This is too good to be true.

i_am_ir0nman changed howtoart107’s name to moncapitan!

moncapitan: seriously?

arrow2theheart: anyway steebs idea was good
arrow2theheart: nat and i are in miami right now

blackwidowbaby: We’re going back to DC soon.

i_am_ir0nman: I’m in Malibu. Brucie’s staying with me for a while.

feelthethunder: I AM IN WISCONSIN.
feelthethunder: Damn caps lock again. >:(

gammasci: Don’t worry. It happens to everyone.

feelthethunder: Thank you, Bruce.

w1nterrain: Sam, Stevie, and i are in New York.

moncapitan: so we have everywhere except the desert.

feelthethunder: I have friends who live in New Mexico.
feelthethunder: It would be nice to see them again.

moncapitan: so that’s everywhere

arrow2theheart: now for the moment of truth
arrow2theheart: drum roll please

w1nterrain: no.

arrow2theheart: ok then
arrow2theheart: HERE ARE THE ASSIGNMENTS!!
arrow2theheart: damn caps lock

i_am_ir0nman: It’s contagious!
i_am_ir0nman: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
i_am_ir0nman: Dammit.

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart: now seriously. the assignments
arrow2theheart: anyone wanna go scuba diving?

i_am_ir0nman: No can do. Heart condition.

arrow2theheart: nat and i will do that since we’re in miami then

moncapitan: are you ok, Tony?

i_am_ir0nman: I mean, I’m not going to just keel over any moment now.

moncapitan: that’s good.

gammasci: Don’t worry, Steve. I’m keeping an eye on him.

i_am_ir0nman: I don’t need you to watch me. I’m not a kid.

gammasci: Says the guy who put his shirt on backwards.

i_am_ir0nman: Hey! I was distracted!

gammasci: For the last three days?

arrow2theheart: anyway
arrow2theheart: we need a picture of a cactus dressed as a nerd and a fire hydrant dressed as a firefighter

w1nterrain: what the hell is this list?

arrow2theheart: i dont know man. I dont know

~~~

pepperpot: Tony.

i_am_ir0nman: What did I do now?

pepperpot: Nothing. I just wanted to scare you.

i_am_ir0nman: You’re a demon-woman.

pepperpot: Why, thank you!

~~~

w1nterrain: stevie, i like these people.

parafalc0n: Ooo. Grumpy Cat likes someone for once.

w1nterrain: shut up Sam.

parafalc0n: I think he likes one person in particular.

moncapitan: i think so too, Sam. but who could it be?

parafalc0n: I think it might be someone whose name rhymes with Flint.

moncapitan: i think it might be.

w1nterrain: you’re both assholes.

moncapitan: love you too, Buck.

~~~

arrow2theheart: so anyone got their challenge done yet?

w1nterrain: it’s been like four hours. why would we have anything done yet?
w1nterrain: but yes. i do.
w1nterrain: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: yay! the fire hydrant one!

moncapitan: he didn’t show you the best part.
moncapitan: Multimedia Message Sent

blackwidowbaby: You got a firefighter to help you?

gammasci: How did you manage that?

parafalc0n: There was a false alarm a couple blocks over, and the firefighters were on their way back and saw us.

w1nterrain: i thought we were in for it, but they just thought it was funny.

parafalc0n: They did make sure we took the stuff off of it afterward, though.

arrow2theheart: why do you guys get all the fun?
arrow2theheart: i tried to dress a hydrant and got arrested

w1nterrain: you what?!?!

blackwidowbaby: It happens all the time. I just bail him out and he buys me knives as payment.

moncapitan: knives?

arrow2theheart: yeah. the expensive kind

i_am_ir0nman: I don’t think I’ve ever been this terrified of someone I’ve never met before.

blackwidowbaby: :)

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart: nat i hurt

blackwidowbaby: That’s your fault, not mine.

w1nterrain: what happened?

blackwidowbaby: He fell asleep on the beach after we went scuba diving for this stupid hunt.

arrow2theheart: im burnt all over
arrow2theheart: it hurts to type

moncapitan: ouch. i know how that feels.

w1nterrain: hey, Stevie. you remember that time you couldn’t sit down cause you got burnt on your ass?

moncapitan: i told you never to speak of that again.

i_am_ir0nman: Do continue, Snowflake.

w1nterrain: snowflake?

parafalc0n changed w1nterrain’s name to snowflake!

snowflake: what the hell, Sam.

snowflake changed parafalc0n’s name to chairForce!

chairForce: Okay, that’s just mean.

snowflake: all’s fair in chats and naming

chairForce: That doesn’t even make sense.

~~~

feelthethunder: I HAVE THE CACTUS PICTURE!
feelthethunder: Not again.
feelthethunder: Multimedia Message Sent

gammasci: Hey, Tony. I found your twin.
gammasci: It’s annoyingly prickly, but soft and squishy on the inside.
gammasci: And you have the same glasses.

i_am_ir0nman: Shut the hell up.

moncapitan changed i_am_ir0nman’s name to ir0nnerd!

ir0nnerd: …
ir0nnerd: I thought you were better than this, Steeb.

moncapitan: payback’s a bitch, Tony.

~~~

gammasci: Tony, what is this?
gammasci: Multimedia Message Sent

ir0nnerd: What do you mean?

gammasci: Why is it on my desk?

ir0nnerd: Her name is Pen-E.

gammasci: Really, Tony?

ir0nnerd: I let Dum-E name her, okay?
ir0nnerd: I thought you might want someone to keep you company when you won’t let me in your lab.

gammasci: … She is pretty cute.

~~~

arrow2theheart: i forgot 2 send the picture we took
arrow2theheart: Multimedia Message Sent

moncapitan: that’s absolutely gorgeous.

ir0nnerd: You know what else is gorgeous? This beauty.
ir0nnerd: Multimedia Message Sent

snowflake: is that a 1946 Triumph 1800 Roadster?

ir0nnerd: Yep. You like?

snowflake: hell yeah.

arrow2theheart: do u have any more of those?

ir0nnerd: Old cars? Yeah, a few.

arrow2theheart: can you get another picture of them?
arrow2theheart: we get extra points for every car in the pic

gammasci: Oh, here we go.

ir0nnerd: Here, is this one better?
ir0nnerd: Multimedia Message Sent

snowflake: there’s got to be at least fifty cars there. what the hell, Tony?

gammasci: *sighs* That’s not even half of them.
gammasci:/ He has an obsession.

ir0nnerd: It’s not an obsession!
ir0nnerd: That is the history of the world in car form!

gammasci: Okay, maybe the cars aren’t an obsession, but what would you call the robots?

moncapitan: what robots?

gammasci: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: omg theyre adorable!

ir0nnerd: :D They’re my babies.
ir0nnerd: Brucie! Show them the new girl!

gammasci: Why can’t you show them? You’re the one that made her.

ir0nnerd: Yes, but she’s in your custody now.

gammasci: You’re ridiculous.
gammasci: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: shes even cuter!!!!!

moncapitan: what’s her name?

ir0nnerd: Pen-E. I let one of the other bots name her.

moncapitan: that’s adorable.

snowflake: Stevie was right, Tony. you are a nerd.

Chapter Text

moncapitan: so what else is on the list?

arrow2theheart: a pic of as many generations as you can find, pic of a teammate pole dancing on a street sign, pic of 2 squirrels fighting over a nut…

snowflake: wait wait wait
snowflake: what was that about pole dancing?

chairForce: This list just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

~~~

moncapitan: are you thinking what i’m thinking?

chairForce: Barnes family meeting?

moncapitan: Barnes family meeting.

snowflake: what why?

chairForce: who else do we know that has a lot of generations in their family?

snowflake: oh no. we are not dragging my family into this

moncapitan: yes, we are. besides, your mom loves me.

~~~

pepperpot: Tony, why is there a tiny robot on my desk?

ir0nnerd: I don’t know what you mean.

pepperpot: There is a small, spherical robot on my desk. Why?

ir0nnerd: One, her name is Susie, and two, I broke the spinny thing you had.

pepperpot: So you decided to replace it with a sentient being.

ir0nnerd: Susie is more than a sentient being, Pep. She’s a child, and now she’s yours.

pepperpot: You gave me a child.

ir0nnerd: You’ve always said you wanted kids, but are too busy for a relationship. Susie just needs attention, nothing more.

pepperpot: …
pepperpot: Thank you, Tony.

~~~

ir0nnerd: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: yay! the pic of the skirrels!

chairForce: Skirrels?

gammasci: When did you take that? You haven’t left the house in the last week.

ir0nnerd: Peter took it.

gammasci: Ah.

moncapitan: Peter?

ir0nnerd: My son.

arrow2theheart: u have a kid?

ir0nnerd: I do.

gammasci: You guys can’t see him, but he’s grinning so hard right now.

arrow2theheart changed ir0nnerd’s name to ir0ndad!

ir0ndad: I’m okay with this.

~~~

snowflake: why do you always try to embarrass me?

moncapitan: it’s just so much fun.

snowflake: that doesn’t mean you have to say i have a crush in the middle of family dinner

moncapitan: they deserve to know.

snowflake: my mom has already started sending me pictures of wedding venues
snowflake: she’s asking me when she’ll have grandkids

moncapitan: how horrible.

snowflake: shut up. i can hear you laughing.
snowflake: if you don’t stop i’m coming in there
snowflake: alright, you asked for it

moncapitan: nonono i’ll stop
moncapitan: Buck, no
moncapitan: krmf0e94jnermf

Chapter Text

moncapitan: Multimedia Message Sent

arrow2theheart: geez how many generations is that?

snowflake: five
snowflake: be glad my great-grandma lives in the city still

arrow2theheart: i am man, i am

~~~

“This is such a bad idea.”

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!”

“I’m just here to watch you crash and burn.”

“I’ll be fine. Just make me look good.”

“Don’t get arrested again, idiot.”

“I won’t.”

~~~

blackwidowbaby: Clint got arrested again.

moncapitan: what did he do?

blackwidowbaby: Multimedia Message Sent

ir0ndad: He seriously pole danced on a street sign?

snowflake: look at those arms
snowflake: o.o

chairForce: Hot damn.

snowflake: back off, Sam.

ir0ndad: Now ladies, you’re both pretty.

snowflake: shut up

chairForce: Shut up.

~~~

arrow2theheart: so i hear u like my arms

snowflake: i do

arrow2theheart: not surprising. everyone does

snowflake: i can see why.

~~~

arrow2theheart: im out!

moncapitan: that’s good.

arrow2theheart: i thought u werent going 2 bail me out anymore Nat

blackwidowbaby: I didn’t.

arrow2theheart: wat

gammasci: Tony.

ir0ndad: What?

gammasci: What did you do.

ir0ndad: I did nothing.

gammasci: Tony.

ir0ndad: Okay, fine. I did it.

arrow2theheart: wat

moncapitan: how?

ir0ndad: I have some sway in DC.

gammasci: More like they’re scared of you.

ir0ndad: That too.

arrow2theheart: im so confused

Chapter Text

arrow2theheart: no seriously. how did you get me out?

ir0ndad: That is a state secret, my friend.

gammasci: He hacked the DC police’s servers and installed a program that made the screen of every computer flash a picture of Grumpy Cat each time the letter ‘e’ was typed.

ir0ndad: Traitor.

moncapitan: guh.

snowflake: stevie’s brain just melted.

arrow2theheart: thats badass Tony

blackwidowbaby: I’m impressed.

arrow2theheart: *le gasp* Nat’s showing emotion!!!

blackwidowbaby: Shut it, Hawkguy.

arrow2theheart: hey!

snowflake: hawkguy?

blackwidowbaby: The little kids in his archery classes call him Hawkeye, and he hates it when people call him Hawkguy instead.
blackwidowbaby: Speaking of which…

blackwidowbaby changed arrow2theheart’s name to hawkguy!

hawkguy: u r no longer my best friend

blackwidowbaby: Get out of my house, then.

hawkguy: nooooooo, Nat i love youuuuu!!!

blackwidowbaby: I love you, too.

hawkguy: yay!

ir0ndad: Awwww. That’s adorable.

blackwidowbaby: Shut it, Tony. I know where you live.

hawkguy: she really does

ir0ndad: Now I’m even more scared of you.

blackwidowbaby: :)

~~~

snowflake: have you recovered yet, Stevie?

moncapitan: guh.

chairForce: Are you alright, man?

moncapitan: guh.

snowflake: i think Tony broke him.

chairForce: I think you’re right.
chairForce: How about you? Have you forgotten that Clint teaches archery to small children?

snowflake: …
snowflake: yes, i had.

chairForce: Do you need a minute?

snowflake: yes. yes i do.

~~~

chairForce: Steve and Bucky won’t be back for a while.

ir0ndad: Why?

chairForce: You and Clint broke them.

hawkguy: wat? i didnt do anything!

chairForce: Tony proved how smart he is and Steve thinks smart people are sexy.
chairForce: And Bucky’s brain melted at the thought of Clint teaching children.

hawkguy: rlly?

ir0ndad: Huh.

Chapter Text

hawkguy: guess what!

snowflake: what?

hawkguy: oh! ur back!
hawkguy: anyway. theres a trickshot challenge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blackwidowbaby: Oh, no.

hawkguy: *deep breath*
hawkguy: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

feelthethunder: Why is this a bad thing? We want more points, correct?

blackwidowbaby: Clint thinks of himself as the trickshot king.

snowflake: really?

blackwidowbaby: Really.

hawkguy: come on Nat! lets go video some!

blackwidowbaby: *sigh*

~~~

Multimedia Message
Sent 7:37 pm

A man is standing in the middle of an open archery range, a quiver of arrows strapped to his back and a bow in his hand. A basketball is sitting at his feet. It is obvious he has been training for a while, sweat creating a sheen across his forehead and making his tight purple t-shirt cling to broad shoulders.

“Is it running?” he asks eagerly, blue eyes glowing with excitement.

“Yes, Clint, it’s running,” an exasperated female voice replies. “Just go.”

The man grins and picks up the basketball. “Middle target,” he says, then throws it at the ceiling and it ricochets off a support beam toward a wall. It bounces off the wall and back toward a line of targets affixed to the back wall.

In a blink of an eye, the man has an arrow nocked and has let it fly. The arrow skewers the basketball and attaches it to the middle target.

The man turns to the camera and winks.

~~~

snowflake: Clint.

hawkguy: yes, Bucky?

snowflake: warn me next time you send a video like that, ok?

hawkguy: why would i do that?

snowflake: because you almost gave me a heart attack from your sheer hotness.

~~~

Two minutes later.

snowflake: Clint?

~~~

hawkguy: NAAAAAAT!!!!!!

blackwidowbaby: What now?

hawkguy: Bucky called me hot!

blackwidowbaby: And why is this a problem? People call you hot all the time.

hawkguy: …
hawkguy: cause i actually like him

blackwidowbaby: Then tell him.

~~~

hawkguy: hi

snowflake: well hello. you disappeared for quite a while there.

hawkguy: i was having a crisis

snowflake: what kind of crisis?

hawkguy: the kind where a rlly great guy calls u hot and u freak out cause u like him and dont know what to say

snowflake: oh.
snowflake: excuse me for a second.

~~~

snowflake: STEEEEEEVE!!!!!

moncapitan: what?

snowflake: Clint said that he likes me!!!!

moncapitan: what are you talking to me for then? go tell him how you feel.

~~~

snowflake: hi.

hawkguy: sooooooo what was that about

snowflake: i was having my own freak out.

hawkguy: oh.
hawkguy: sooo now what?

snowflake: you have Facetime?

hawkguy: yeah?

snowflake: wanna go on a date?

hawkguy: hell yeah.

Chapter Text

spideyboi: hey dad

ir0ndad: What is it?

spideyboi: i can’t find Talula

ir0ndad: Oh, crap.

~~~

ir0ndad: Brucie-bear, you wouldn’t have happened to take Talula out of her cage, would you?

gammasci: I wouldn’t touch that thing with a ten foot pole.

ir0ndad: Now that’s just rude. Talula is a lady, and she has feelings.
ir0ndad: You are going to apologize once we find her.

gammasci: I’m locking up the lab and not coming out until you do.

~~~

gammasci: Someone tell Tony to lock his son’s pet’s cage.

moncapitan: why? did it get out?

gammasci: Yes, and I only have enough food in my lab for a day, so he needs to find her.

ir0ndad: That wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t such a baby.

gammasci: Well, excuse me for not wanting to be near a giant spider.

feelthethunder: Giant spider?

ir0ndad: Talula is a Mexican Redleg Tarantula.

gammasci: She’s terrifying.

ir0ndad: She is not! She’s a sweetheart.

moncapitan: you let your son have a pet tarantula?

ir0ndad: Of course. Peter loves her.

gammasci: That’s the only reason I tolerate her.

~~~

moncapitan: guh.

chairForce: Again, huh?

moncapitan: uh huh.

chairForce: Is it the fact that he loves his son enough to buy him a tarantula, or is it that he’s not scared of that tarantula at all?

moncapitan: both.

~~~

ir0ndad: Found her!

gammasci: Oh, thank God.

blackwidowbaby: Can you take a picture of her please?

ir0ndad: Sure, but why?

blackwidowbaby: I stole the list from Clint and one of the challenges is a picture of the biggest arachnid you can find.

ir0ndad: Oh, alright then.
ir0ndad: Multimedia Message Sent

feelthethunder: Why did you not just take a picture of yourself, as your name on this chat does have spider’s name in it?

blackwidowbaby: Clint tried, but it didn’t count.

feelthethunder: Oh.

~~~

spideyboi: so glad to have my baby back~

gammasci: It’s disturbing that you call that thing your baby.

spideyboi: *gasp* Talula is not a ‘thing.’ she has feelings too u kno

gammasci: I doubt that, but alright.

~~~

spideyboi: daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
spideyboi: bruce called Talula a ‘thing’

ir0ndad: Don’t worry, we’ll get him back.

spideyboi: yay!!!

Chapter Text

hawkguy: what the hell r we going 2 do now?
hawkguy: we have an entire list 2 do and now we’re stuck inside!

chairForce: You can go outside if you want to, you know. It’s not like they locked us in.

moncapitan: Just practice social distancing!
moncapitan: And wash your hands!

chairForce: Steve, you’re doing it again.

ir0ndad: Doing what again?

chairForce: Being a walking PSA.

moncapitan: i just want everyone to be safe!

ir0ndad: Don’t worry Cap. Bruce, Peter, and I are staying in as much as we can.
ir0ndad: If any of us get the virus, it will be a miracle.

gammasci: You better not get it.
gammasci: We had enough of a scare last month.

hawkguy: what happened?

ir0ndad: Oh, not much, just had a tiny heart attack.

hawkguy: wat

moncapitan: WHAT

ir0ndad: It’s not as bad as you think.

moncapitan: how can a HEART ATTACK not be as bad as we think?

ir0ndad: It was just a minor one.

gammasci: Oddly enough, I don’t think you’re helping your case.

~~~

Bucky looked up from his book when his best friend entered his room. “Steve? What’s up?”

“I need a hug.” Steve flopped down on top of Bucky on the bed and wrapped his arms around him.

Raising an eyebrow, Bucky asked, “What’s this all about?”

“Check the group chat,” Steve mumbled, face buried in the other man’s stomach.

Quickly checking his phone, Bucky winced and started petting Steve’s hair gently. “You got scared, huh?” he asked after reading the latest exchange.

Steve nodded. “I just want him to be okay.”

“He said he’s staying inside, and he had Bruce and Peter to look after him. He’ll be fine,” Bucky soothed.

The door opened again, and Sam stepped in. “I came as soon as I saw the chat,” he said as he went over to sit on the bed beside Bucky. “You alright man?”

“I think I will be,” Steve replied. “I just need hugs.”

“We can do that.”

~~~

gammasci: I think you scared Steve.

ir0ndad: You’re the one that brought it up!

gammasci: Yes, but you’re the one who played it off like you didn’t care about your own health.
gammasci: He cares about you.

ir0ndad: I don’t know why.

gammasci: Maybe because you’re brilliant? Or because you’re an amazing father?

gammasci: Maybe.

~~~

“Dad?”

Tony looked up from where he was working on schematics. “Hey, Pete. What’s up?”

Peter plopped himself down next to him on the couch and pressed himself against his father’s side. “Not much. Bruce just said that you might need a hug.”

Tony smiled down at him. “Well, I’ll never say no to a Peter hug.”

Grinning, Peter wrapped his arms around Tony and said, “I also wanted to ask if we could watch a movie together?”

“Of course we can.” Tony grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and pulled it around both of them. “JARVIS, pull something up, will you?”

~~~

moncapitan: Tony, please tell me you’re ok

ir0ndad: I’m fine, Steve. I have everything taken care of.

moncapitan: alright
moncapitan: be careful.

ir0ndad: I will, Steve. I promise.