Chapter Text
Juliet had seen some shit since she transferred to the SBPD.
Most people thought she was young and naive, not many took her seriously, but she was observant as hell.
Juliet had seen a guy gutted by a butter knife.
Juliet had seen Woody cut off and try to sell a foot on the black market (although she hadn't said anything to the Chief, she had made him put the foot back).
And for god's sake she had seen sexual tension enough to fell a bull.
Nearly everyday Shawn came into the station and ground on Lassiter. He would grope and feel and prance around, running his hands everywhere on the detective, and Lassiter did nothing. He protested, he growled, but he didn't do anything serious. Juliet sometimes entertained the thought that her seeing this could be due to the fact that she may or may not be on the fifteenth chapter on her Spirk fanfiction: the stoic and logical paired with the jovial and silly. However, when Shawn ran in and straddled Lassiter, throwing his head back and gripping his shoulders, all doubt was banished from her mind.
"What the hell, Spencer?" Lassiter growled.
"Oh! George!" Shawn moved himself down on Lassiter's crotch and let out a range of loud and sexual noises before nimbly jumping off, attracting everyone's attention. Juliet noticed that Lassiter shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and she pursed her lips to keep in a grin. "The spirits have conveyed to me that Mrs. Morrison was having an affair with George Connell, and he murdered her because she was going to cut it off to be a loyal wife." He put his hand to his temple and raised his eyebrows. "Oh! Plot twist! Mr. Morrison was also having an affair! Also with George Conell! He was NOT as good of a spouse as his wife, and helped George murder her so that he could get her money and continue his hot man-love with George Conell."
Lassiter, although surprised and slightly doubtful, jumped up. "Alright people! Let's go!" Lassiter pulled his jacket on and scrambled out of the SBPD along with McNab and a few other officers. Shawn started toward the door with Gus, but Gus tugged his sleeve before they could exit. From Juliet's vantage point she saw, but didn't hear, them do that quick, quiet whispering that always sounded like a bee's buzzing.
"Shawn!" Gus grabbed him and spun him around.
"C'mon Gus! We gotta go! I want to see Lassiter's face when he catches two guys banging!" Shawn checked his watch. It was five, which meant that George and Morrison were getting their freak on, according to their regular schedule.
Gus snorted. "Dude you promised."
"Promised what?" Shawn caught Gus's quick glance at Juliet's desk. "Not right now!"
"Shawn you promised."
"But--"
"Shawn--"
"Dude--"
This sort of dialogue went on for a few seconds, at the end of which Shawn threw up his hands and shook his head. "Fine," he hissed. The two meandered over to Juliet's desk, with Shawn taking faltering steps, and Gus let out a smile and thumbed at the side of his nose.
"I swear if you use the Pluto thing--"
Gus snorted again. "C'mon son." He thumbed his nose as they approached. He casually placed his hand on the desk and gave a wide, almost creepy, smile. "Hello, Juliet."
Juliet smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Hey, Gus."
"Juliet, do you like... Musicals?" Gus took out two tickets.
Juliet lit up and clapped her hands, possibly giving out a little squeal. "I love musicals!"
"How would you like to see Chicago?" Gus handed her one of the tickets. "Just you and me." Shawn coughed a little and Gus glared at him. "Also Shawn and whatever date he decides to bring." Juliet raised her eyebrow questioningly.
"I got the tickets. I helped a girl find her stalker, and she got me four tickets to a local showing of Chicago."
"Well, I'd love to go with you Gus!" Juliet beamed.
"Great! It's this Saturday. I'll pick you up at..." He checked the ticket and mumbled to himself. "I'll pick you up at 5. The movie starts at six, and I was wondering if we could get dinner afterwards?"
Juliet gasped in mock surprise. "Why, Gus! It seems as if you're asking me out on a date!" She leaned forward.
"It seems that I am." Shawn gagged in the background as Juliet and Gus giggled.
Just then, McNab and Dobson burst in with a man in his late 20's or early 30's. He was tall, tan, blonde, and mostly naked. This was Morrison, and as he was pushed through the station toward the holding cells, all eyes (although mostly female) were on him, even though he was a murderer.
"Spencer!" Lassiter shouted from the entrance to the police department. As far away from him as he could, he held an attractive man, with a shock of black hair and dark brown eyes. What made it better (at least to Juliet) was that the only clothes he was wearing were boxers. "We are going to talk about this--" he jabbed at George "later." He must've figured out that Shawn knew what George and Morrison were doing. Shawn just hoped that the two hadn't noticed Shawn in the department, and especially hadn't told Lassiter that Shawn had participated in a threesome with them as a way to gain there trust. It had gotten him what he wanted, but he couldn't have Lasssiter (or Gus for that matter) knowing about it. As they walked past, Shawn and Juliet were both clearly enthralled with the same thing, although Shawn was obviously trying to be discreet. But Juliet was a detective, and she could focus on two things at once.
"Shawn!" She exclaimed. "Were you checking him out?"
"What?" Shawn laughed. "Him? No. Not me. I mean he's a murderer! He killed his girlfriend!"
"You're enunciating," Gus whispered.
"Gus! Please, I was not checking out a dude." Shawn laughed and discreetly stomped on Gus's foot. "Even if that dude is carved like a statue by Michelangelo, like damn." He saw Juliet's face twist into a grin. "No homo."
"Shawn, it's okay if you're heteroflexible." She patted his hand.
Gus snorted. "It's a little more than that." His mind wandered back to high school. Shawn joining the wrestling team, much to the delight of his father. However, it wasn't exactly to please his father that he did it. Shawn had let Gus in on a little secret: 80% of the wrestling team was gay or bisexual, and "after school practices" weren't exactly for wrestling. Gus had immediately installed the rule that if Shawn was participating in any type of orgy, male or otherwise, he didn't want to hear about it.
"Gus!" Shawn shouted. "I thought you were on my side." He turned toward Juliet. "I am straight. 100% heterosexual."
Gus's cough sounded suspiciously like "50%."
Shawn looked around to make sure no one was listening. "Ok, look." He leaned in closer to Juliet and dropped his voice to a whisper. "I may be gayer than Kirk--" he thought a little bit. "Ok I'm about as straight as the Captain, and just as gay as him. And judging by the fact that you're 'Spirker4ever' on ao3, you agree that he's bisexual." Juliet could tell that her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, and she opened her mouth to pose the question. "I'm psychic," Shawn cut her off. "Although writing fanfiction during work? On your work computer? Where I of all people can see it?" Shawn grinned, glad to have regained the upper hand on the awkward situation. Juliet gaped like a fish, and Shawn patted her desk. "You better finish chapter 15 soon. I'm on the edge of my seat trying to figure out whether or not Spock will break the curse, or if he'll succumb and have sex with the Captain." Shawn winked, grabbed Gus (who barely had time to place the ticket on her desk and yell "five o'clock"), and scrambled away.
"Dude!" Gus quietly shouted at Shawn.
"You can't 'dude' me!" Shawn turned on Gus angrily. "I can't believe you outed me to Jules!"
"You were ogling that dude's ass! Who's a murderer, by the way." Gus glared at him. Shawn shrugged, his anger at Gus diminished. It was Jules. He was still peeved, so he did need to think of some sort of revenge. "It's not like I'd out you to Lassiter. He'd make fun of you for forever, in addition to telling the Chief."
"Yeah, yeah," Shawn murmured. "Anyway, why'd you need me there? You were all smooth."
"I almost panicked halfway through. Also I needed you to stomp on my foot in case I said something stupid. Which I didn't." He shrugged. Shawn began to open the door to the Blueberry, but he was suddenly knocked over by a large, lanky mess of limbs. It wasn't exactly knocked over either, it was more like thrown and pinned against the Blueberry.
"Spencer," Lassiter growled. "You knew what we were going to walk into didn't you?"
Shawn smirked. "No! I'm a psychic, but I didn't know that! And even if I did, it's not like you minded." Shawn winked, and the arm pressing against his neck slowly released.
"Go fuck yourself, Spencer."
"Well it takes two to do that doesn't it?" Shawn giggled as Lassiter's walk away from the car turned into a sprint. He looked over at Gus who just rolled his eyes and got into the Blueberry.
Meanwhile, back in the police department, Juliet had gotten over her initial surprise at Shawn not only knowing about her fanfictions (oh god had he read her smut? Best not think about that) but also reading at least one of them. Now, she was mulling over his sexuality. She was surprised, yes, considering that Shawn's sexual exploits (even with the single women inside the police department) had reached even her ears. On the other hand, no one who knew Grease and Footloose that well could be straight. Now that she knew that, she thought over all of Shawn's sexual innuendos and actions with Lassiter. He never did that to anyone else; not to Gus, not to her, not to anyone. And now, knowing he was 'as straight as Captain Kirk' that could mean that his sexual jokes were not all humorous. She saw Lassiter run out of the station shouting "Spencer!" Maybe not. With that thought, she turned back to her computer, and, making sure no one was looking, opened her fanfiction. She did have fans to cater to, after all.