Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Kara and Winn devise a plan to get to National City University, Kara’s dream school, through the unfortunate help of Clark Danvers.
...
“Wait, what?” Kara asks, just in case she misheard the first time, but the dashing smile that Clark sends her is anything but uncertain; “You’re not going to National City University?” She can’t keep the shock out of her voice, because for one, it’s National City University, one of the most prestigious schools in the entire state and second, it’s Clark Danvers, her charming prodigy of a cousin who, at the tender age of fifteen, has already been accepted into countless universities for his choosing.
“You heard me,” Clark says, raising an eyebrow as he drinks from his Cappuccino, “I’m not going.”
“But.” Kara’s mind whirs. NCU offers one of the best Journalism courses in the country, a fact that she took to heart when she first found out Clark actually sent an application to the school, the same school she was rejected from two years ago. “ Why ?”
Clark shrugs. “I just don’t want to go to college,” he mutters, adjusting his thick-framed glasses, “I think it’s a waste of time.”
“But it’s National City University,” Kara gushes once more, hearing the whine in her own voice.
“I know that it’s your dream school, cuz,” Clark tells her as he cracks a smile, “and if I could, I’d give you my spot but everything’s already sort of stamped there.”
Kara can’t believe this. “What happened?”
It takes him a long time to answer. The cafe that they’re in is situated in a little corner of Main Street and they’re both seated outside, watching as cars and people pass by, oblivious to the tiny little explosions that are going through Kara’s brain. She’s always been a little envious of her cousin because everything that he did, he always did perfectly. Including college applications. So the idea of him not even attending the dream school Kara has always wanted to go to -- well, it kind of confounds her.
“I don’t want to go to college,” Clark repeats, his blue eyes shining behind his glasses, “because I want to live on a farm.”
That’s not the kind of answer Kara expected and it must show on her face because Clark laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not kidding,” he adds, “Life on a farm is quiet and peaceful. I don’t have to think about constantly being the best for everybody else.”
“Clark,” Kara begins, unsure of what to say next, “You don’t --”
“Please,” Clarke says, giving her a look, “I want this. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
Rarely has Clark ever expressed any interest in anything that involves his own wants. He has always done everything for his family and for school, joining competitions left and right and participating in each and every conference from the other school districts. He’s the child prodigy, the Golden Boy, everything Kara isn’t. And yet—he’s willing to throw it all away. Just to live on a farm.
“Okay, fine,” Kara mutters, shakes her head, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I always do.” He preens at that and Kara rolls her eyes because of course, Clark Danvers always knows everything. He reaches out to take a chocolate chip cookie that Kara bought for him when they got to the cafe and accidentally spills his Cappuccino all over the table when he hits the cup with his fist. He swears, Kara jumps and the drink drips down onto the floor like sad little raindrops. Thank God her skirt isn’t ruined. She still has to get to work after this.
Clark sheepishly looks at her. “Most of the time,” he clarifies, gesturing to his ruined shirt, “I know what I’m doing most of the time.”
“Whatever, smartass.” They ask a waiter to clean up after Clark’s little accident and after that’s done, Kara resumes her place. “Anyway, is that the only reason you asked me here? To tell me that you’re throwing a perfectly good opportunity to get a college education?”
Her cousin shrugs. “I wanted to catch up with you too,” he tells her earnestly, “You are, after all, my favorite cousin.”
“Huh. Last I checked, you told Alex the same thing two weeks ago.”
When Clark smiles, Kara always notices the dimples that pop out of his chin. He’s young and dashing with dark tousled hair, bright blue eyes and a smile so charming that he could practically ask Kara’s boss Cat Grant for anything he wanted and she’d only insult him once. Of course, it’s a little bit weird being jealous of your cousin who’s a few years younger than you but Kara always feels bad at the ugly feeling in her heart every time Clark gets what he wants through hard work and determination and doesn’t boast about it.
“So,” he starts again, “How are things?”
Kara takes a second to answer. Things are… stagnant. Ever since she dropped out of college last year and started working at Catco for none other than Cat Grant, she’s been in a spiral that’s neither going up or down. She’s been serving coffees, checking schedules, taking out the laundry and anything that involves being Cat Grant’s slave.
“I’m good,” Kara answers, trying for a grin that hopefully would’ve fooled even her own mother, “I’ve got the skills to pay the bills, baby.”
Her cousin snorts, totally ignore her comment. “How’s Alex?”
“She’s doing good too.”
Clark nods. He takes a sip of her coffee, too much sugar added, and makes a disgusted face. “I know that you’re not entirely in a good place right now,” he mumbles after a beat, “especially after college just fell out of the loop. I just -- I wanted to see if you were okay.”
A rush of warmth fills her bones and Kara smiles. “Oh, little cousin,” she says, wanting nothing more than to embrace him but that might mean standing up and possibly spilling her own coffee, knowing how much of a klutz she is just like Clark. She settles for reaching out and taking his hands in hers. “Not all of us have life figured out just like you,” she tells him, “Not all of us are child prodigies.”
“Hey.” Clark’s eyebrows furrow. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know,” Kara whispers, “You’re right that I’m not really in a good place in my career right now and being Cat Grant’s coffee girl isn’t exactly a good way to start my resume, but I’ll be back to studying again. These things just take time, I suppose. In the meantime, I can work on other things.”
Her cousin hums, apparently satisfied before he adjusts his glasses once more and smirks. “So, does that mean you can finally have a love life?” he asks snidely.
The blush that springs up on Kara’s cheeks shouldn’t be noticeable but Clark’s eyes are like laser beams, so of course, he notices. Grinning maniacally, he reaches into his bag, possibly to grab his phone and make her see a picture of a new person he thinks she should go on a date with, but Kara stops him with a glare.
“Hey,” she tells her cousin fiercely, “The last time you set me up with a date, I had to escape through a bathroom window.”
“Not my fault the guy had weird mommy issues,” Clark defensively states, “but hey, what about that other guy I hooked you up with? Adam Foster? He was a catch, right?”
Kara throws him another glare. The little shit.
“Also had weird, unresolved mommy issues,” she grumbles, taking a sip of her coffee and pursing her lips, “What is up with you and setting me up on dates?”
Her cousin shrugs. “The beauty of being a romantic,” he says cheekily, “I’d like to think that there’s a guy out there for you who would sweep you off your feet and treat you right.”
It’s been like this ever since Kara’s application to NCU was rejected and she dropped out of her community college — Clark’s sudden need to set her up on dates and catch up with her over coffee every few weeks makes her think that Clark feels bad for being who he is and letting it affect her self-confidence: a child prodigy who takes up the room every single time he enters and who outshines both of his cousins at everything they do, including Alex’s love for karate and Kara’s way with words. They both know that Alex doesn’t mind, but in some little way, Kara does.
She’s told him before that he shouldn’t have to adjust to anybody else, but telling her that he isn’t planning on attending her dream school must’ve made him feel guiltier. Hence, the setting up.
“Or girl,” Kara flippantly says.
Clark doesn’t bat an eyelid. “Or girl. I’ll add that to my list.”
Kara shakes her head, smiling still. “It’s okay, Clark,” she says, finishing the rest of her coffee, “I’m good in the romance department. I’m not really looking for anybody to date.”
“But -- “ Clark frowns. “ -- I found a really good-looking guy to set you up with -- ”
“First of all, my fifteen-year-old cousin setting up dates for me is very wrong,” Kara interrupts him, letting out a breath of laughter to let him know that she’s only half kidding, “and second of all, I told you: no dates for me. I’m a single lady and I will enjoy my freedom wisely.”
“When’s the last time you actually liked somebody?” Clark all but whines, looking offended at Kara not accepting his setups.
Kara shrugs. The last time she actually liked somebody… The first person that pops up in her brain is Adam. He’d been very nice and understanding, but he kept talking about his mother a lot, and it was much later when Kara found out he’d been abandoned as a child. That revelation… explained a lot of things.
“Hey.” Clark leans forward, grinning brightly. “Remember that girl five years ago? The one you met at summer camp?”
An image of a brunette with green eyes pops up in Kara’s mind. She feels a smile pulling at her lips, albeit unexpectedly. “Lena,” she recalls, realizing just how long it’s been since she’s last thought of her, “What about her?”
“I think she liked you.”
Kara hums, not believing it for even a second. “Maybe it’s you who liked her,” she says deviously, “since you only met her once. Did she leave a very good impression on your ten-year-old genius brain?”
The look on Clark’s face rivals Alex’s Big Sister glare. “Please,” he says mockingly, “I remember the way she looked at you when you left the camp that summer. It was like watching Romeo and Juliet onscreen or something when they parted at the balcony. It was very… romantic .”
Kara shakes her head, remembering Lena Luthor; her commanding presence back at camp as one of the counselors, how she liked her coffee black and strong every single morning, how she looked at Kara the first night they met and Kara had snuck out of her room to enjoy a night of skinny dipping with Lucy Lane. They became fast friends after that, even though it was clear from the get-go that Lena was anything that Kara expected.
“Romantic my ass,” she mutters, smiling to herself, “Lena didn’t like me. She tolerated me that entire summer. I kept getting into trouble and she was always there to bail me out of it.”
“She was whipped,” Clark says obviously.
“And you’re delusional,” Kara shoots in return.
Clark looks like he’s about to argue for a second there before he shuts his eyes and sighs, laughing to himself. A contemplative silence passes through them, making Kara remember the reason for their hangout today. She thinks about the idea of Clark not going to college, even though his intelligence and experience in high school would point him towards that direction. She thinks of the chance to study at the NCU, the pain of the rejection letter she received two years ago and the shame she felt when she dropped out of college last year. She thinks about how nice it would be to have Clark Danvers’ life.
To have Clark’s perfect life.
She groans, rubbing her eyes. The envy she feels grips her heart tightly but she’s not going to tell Clark that she wants his life, especially since it’s clear that he doesn’t like every aspect of it. That’d be insensitive and inconsiderate and as Kara bites into the last chocolate cookie, she thinks that it’d still be very much true.
“I should get going,” she says, sighing as she collects her belongings, “I’d rather not have Cat Grant insulting me the second I get back to the office.”
Clark nods and also moves to stand up. His shirt is still stained with the drink earlier but his mood hasn’t dampened. “I should go too,” he says amiably, shrugging, “It was nice to see you again, cuz. I really enjoyed our time together, however little.” He reaches out and pulls Kara in for a hug, nuzzling his cheek against her hair. Even though he’s younger, puberty hit him early and he’s a few inches taller than she is.“I know that it’s stupid for me to apologize over this, but I know that the NCU means a lot to you and I’m sorry for throwing that away…”
Kara lets out a soft laugh. “Don’t be,” she murmurs, “Don’t you ever apologize for being good at what you do.”
Clark nods. “Noted. I’ll see you around, okay?”
“When will you leave for this farm that you so dearly love?”
“Soon. I still have things to wrap up here.” He pulls away, gives her another one of his warm smiles. “Say hi to Alex for me. And if you ever need a date or anything, I always have somebody set up for you.”
“Clark, as much as I love you, please don’t .”
He grins and doesn’t promise her anything. They both head off to their separate ways, Clark saying something about getting his credentials from his old high school and Kara rushing to get back to her office. It’s still on her mind, though, even as she gets an earful from her boss when she returns, that she’d still give anything to have the perfect like Clark Danvers might not think that he has.
…
“Oh, hey,” Kara mutters, letting out a huge sigh when she gets home, “I just got fired.”
Alex looks up from her phone, her eyes widening in shock. “ What ?” she gushes, already getting into Big Protective Sister mode, “Cat Grant fired you? Seriously? For what?”
It’s been a long day. After meeting up with Clark and getting back to work, Kara hasn’t been in the best of spirits. Knowing that her whole life all she’s ever wanted is to be a journalist and now, at the age of 21, all she has going for her career is a job at a Media company, not even as a journalist but an assistant. An assistant! Now, she doesn’t even have that anymore.
“Technically,” Kara tells her sister seriously, as she drops on the couch next to her, “I quit first before I was fired.”
Alex looks aghast. “Oh, what on earth did you do?”
Kara sighs as she thinks about it, rubbing her eyes from behind her glasses. Thinking about her day is starting to give her a headache. “Okay,” she begins, “I might’ve accidentally spilled coffee all over my boss’ very important papers that she needed to get signed that day and even though she scathingly gave me a scolding for it, I also might’ve knocked over a really rare plant she got from Japan and destroyed it on the office floor. Safe to say, I quit before the words ‘ you’re fired ’ were even formed in that brain of hers.”
When she’s finished, she’s expecting Alex to also give her a verbal beatdown. Instead, what she gets in return is a very sad pitying look. One that Alex only gets whenever their parents mention Clark at the dinner table or when Clark’s face shows up on the TV after having won whatever it is that he’s winning or when Clark is just in the same room…
“You know that Clark met up with me,” Kara says, realizing it.
“Well, he’s the one who asked me when your lunch break was.” Alex doesn’t deny it. She puts down her phone and tugs Kara into a very warm Big Sister hug. “I know how you feel every time you talk to him.”
“I feel happy,” Kara grumbles, even though her heart twitches at the lie.
“And I’m Captain America,” Alex deadpans, “Come on. Spill it. What did our dear cousin tell you this time?”
Kara thinks about lying but realizes that it’s useless. Alex knows all of her little tells, from the nervous way she bites her lip to the nervous wring of her hands. It’s practically written all over her face. Besides, Alex knows the conflicted emotions she feels for Clark, has known about it since they were children. It’s so strange, being a kid and getting jealous that Clark was able to talk at only four months.
“He’s not going to college,” Kara mutters, trying not to sound bitter about it, “even though he got a scholarship to study at NCU.”
“Your dream school,” Alex says in return, understanding immediately. She sighs, tucks an errant strand of hair behind Kara’s ear. “It’s okay to feel… I don’t know, cheated, I guess? But don’t put it on him. He has his reasons.”
Kara thinks about the look on Clark’s face. I don’t have to think about constantly being the best for everybody else, he said. When she remembers it, a weight settles in her stomach. She understands the pressure on Clark’s shoulder but still feels that nagging stupid jealous feeling at the back of her throat. Even though there’s pressure on all sides, she still wants his life.
“I’m not blaming him or anything,” Kara huffs, crossing her arms like a stubborn child, “I just think it’s a waste. He’s already got a spot on the program.” Because of course, of all the things that Clark is good at -- debate, math, science and everything in between -- he just had to have the same passion in Journalism as Kara did, the same sense of idealism when it came to the truth. Of course. Just Kara’s luck.
“It is a waste,” Alex agrees with her, “but there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you, what, somehow take Clark’s place at NCU. Oh! Maybe you should go back to community college, Kara. They’ve got good rep there.”
Kara is listening until she isn’t. Because all she can hear in her ears are Alex’s words: unless you somehow take Clark’s place at NCU. She thinks back to what Clark told her earlier: and if I could, I’d give you my spot but everything’s already sort of stamped there. There’s a stupid plan forming in her head. She can’t see all the finer details yet but an image is there. It’s an irrevocably stupid idea but it has rooted its place in her brain and now she can’t let it go. Because, if she can pull it off, it might really work.
“Kara?” Alex snaps her fingers in front of her sister’s face. “Earth to Kara.”
“Er — yes?”
“I was saying,” Alex tells her sternly, “I know this coffee shop that has a job opening. You could, you know, work there for a while.”
Kara thinks about it. Right. She just quit her job. There’s no steady paycheck keeping her afloat now, only her sister’s unwavering support and her position at some big shot company paying for their apartment. She needs a job. Her very stupid idea can wait later, she decides, as she pulls her phone out to order some pizza for dinner.
“I’ll go there tomorrow,” she tells Alex, letting out a breathy sigh, “If the coffee’s good, I’ll consider it. But only to steal their recipe.”
Alex nods her approval before she mutters something about getting some paperwork done. Her sister works as a police officer and often takes her job back at their apartment. Unlike Kara, she neither stood out nor failed at the Academy, which she might be doing on purpose, as to not derail Kara’s self-confidence even more.
Or maybe Kara’s just overthinking it.
After Alex retreats to her room with a peck on her sister’s forehead and a very reassuring pat on her back, Kara is left alone with her thoughts again.
She’s always envied Clark for everything he did as a kid. He was almost always the youngest person to win an award or bag a prize at every competition he signed up for. When she was still a child, Kara often found herself watching his face on TV as he solved some near-impossible Math question live or deliver such a well-versed speech that even the adjudicator was left speechless. As he got older, he joined lesser stuff and rarely showed up on TV anymore. Only a few people remembered that he’s still the Child Prodigy. When Kara asked her mom why she told her that it was because Clark was taking things slow and often joining his parents to work at some farm they cultivated.
She bites her lower lip and opens her phone to find a picture of her cousin. The most recent one was taken on Alex’s birthday when Clark showed up bright and early at their apartment to deliver a present. Kara snapped a selfie of all three of them smiling brightly at the camera. She stares at her own face and then Clark’s, noting the similarities.
Thankfully, Kara and Clark look the most similar. Kara takes after her mother, while Clark looks like his dad. Since the two of them are sibilings, she and Clark share the most similarities. Same bone structure, same bright blue eyes, same easygoing smile. The only difference is Clark’s dark hair, which can easily be fixed with a wig of some sort and —
Is she seriously thinking this through?
Take Clark’s place at NCU, she hears Alex again. Her head is spinning. She takes off her glasses and rubs at her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. She needs food. Her stomach is rumbling. Maybe some sleep too. It’s been a long day, after all. A really long day.
Her phone pings all of a sudden. She looks down to find that its a text from none other than her cousin.
8:05 PM - Cousin Clarky
Hey. If it’s any consolation, I know you would’ve been the better journalist than me
It’s not any consolation, actually, because Kara just ends up feeling worse. Great. Just great. This stupid idea of hers is probably going to eat her up all night until she either forgot about it or did it. She doesn’t reply to Clark’s text and wraps her arms around a throw pillow on the couch. She perches her chin on top of her fist and tries to will her mind to stop thinking. Except that it can’t. Because of what Alex said. Take Clarke’s place at NCU.
If she didn’t know how to do it, the idea would’ve easily slipped away. But because she already has some sort of semblance to a plan, it's harder to let it go. Just cut off my hair, dress the way Clark would pretend to be a guy … her thoughts keep whispering to her and she tries to shut it off, because taking over Clark’s life when he’s away living on the farm… it feels like a betrayal at its finest. But it’s NCU. Her dream school. Everything she’s ever wanted out of a career…
Before she realizes what she’s doing, she sends her best friend, Winn Schott, a text:
8:10 PM - Kara Danvers
SOS.
It’s barely a minute later before she gets a response.
8:10 PM - Winny the Pooh
Where and when?
Kara thinks about a good place to meet up, before ultimately deciding that maybe she needs to think this through carefully. Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment. Or her stomach grumbling to remind her that she’s not really good at thinking on an empty stomach. Her thumb hovering over the screen of her computer, Kara lets out a sigh and types out a response:
8:12 PM - Kara Danvers
Nvm. We’ll meet up tomorrow at Noonan’s. Is brunch okay?
When she gets the much-needed confirmation from Winn, she puts down her phone and lies back on the couch, wanting nothing more than to have some pizza slices in her stomach. She closes her eyes and breathes through her nose. It’s been a long, tiring day. She just quit her job. But the only thing that she can do now is run her fingers through her long, blonde hair and wonder how riveting it would feel to cut it off.
…
“You want me to do what ?” Winn, aghast, nearly shouts. He’s only just sat down and after Kara looked him in the eye and told him that she wanted him to hack NCU’s system, he looks ready to get back up again and walk out of the restaurant.
Kara shushes him, giving apologetic glances at all the other patrons in the restaurant, before shooting her best friend a look that would’ve rivaled Alex’s Big Sister Glare. “Okay, you might need some context here,” she begins to explain, adjusting her glasses, “and I will give it to you. Just -- don’t freak out too much, okay? I need you to be on my side.”
A waiter comes by to take their orders and Kara quickly recites their usual, needing to get to the whole point of their brunch meeting. Because Winn’s already looking like he’s one second away from getting up and leaving.
Her stupid idea hadn’t left her mind when she woke up that morning. In fact, it was all she could think about when she went on her daily jog, made her sugar-induced coffee, showered and headed to Noonan’s. It’s all she can think about now, facing Winn’s deeply confused expression, and somehow, deep inside her stupid, envious heart, she knows that she’s going to regret this if she doesn’t at least try.
“What have you been sniffing at Catco?” Winn asks her, the crease on his eyebrow fading.
“Well, that’s a question you don’t have to bother yourself with,” Kara mutters, “I just quit yesterday.”
Winn looks like he’s about to faint again, so Kara quickly reaches over and grabs his hands, proceeding to tell him the entire story of what happened the past 24 hours. He listens and with each progression of the plot, the crease between his eyebrow returns gradually. Ever since they became quick friends in high school, Winn has nearly known everything there is to know about Kara Danvers. Including her feeling that Clark is better at her in everything that he does, which he always tries to cease with words of encouragement and support. Unlike Kara, Winn actually got into NCU and studies IT there. He’s already in his fourth year of college.
“So,” Winn starts after she’s finished retelling everything, “You want me, a graduating student in NCU, to hack into the school’s mainframe system, replace Clark Danvers’ picture with yours so that you can pretend to be him and actually enroll in this campus?”
When he phrases it like that, Kara’s confidence wavers. “Er -- yes,” she mutters, her cheeks turning red.
Winn gives her a look. “You better not be asking me to do your makeover too,” he grumbles before he lets out a sigh that seems to take years out of his whole life.
Kara squeaks and Winn gives her another severe look, almost like saying, seriously?
“You have a good male fashion sense,” Kara points out.
“So you’re asking me to do your makeover too?”
“Yes, Winn.”
Winn rubs his neck and sighs. “Fucking hell, Kara,” he murmurs, “Did you think about the long run? Why not just let me hack into the system and put you in it instead?”
“Because.” Kara nearly falters at how stupid her idea sounds now, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. “I’m not saying that I want to be a guy or anything,” she stresses her point out, “or that I have a thing for cross-dressing. It’s nothing like that. I don’t feel like I’m trans, because I have so much support for those people who break through social constructs. But -- you see, I’ve always been jealous of my cousin and I -- I want to have his life.”
Winn tilts his head to the side, frowning deeply. “You already have a good life, Kara.”
Kara shakes her head, her heart constricting inside her chest. “I know and I should be grateful.” She stares down at her hands and puts them away when the waiter arrives to put down their order -- Kara’s chicken caesar salad with tomato soup and Winn’s black coffee and apple-flavored pancakes. She takes a sip of her soup, licking her lips and letting out another sigh. “But,” she starts again, “you haven’t been at the receiving end of his fame. Clark and I are so close he’s practically my younger brother but he’s always been better at everything that he did. God, he’s three years advanced! You know that, remember? Like when I joined the Journalism club back in high school, he was already Editor-in-Chief. When I played soccer for the team, he was already the Captain. And he’s like five years younger than me! He has always been the better Danvers and I just -- I want to know what it’s like, for once, being the best one out there. For the first time.”
There’s a long silence. Winn takes a sip of his coffee, thinking thoughtfully. She’s not worried. Kara can already see that he’s been won over. Her best friend might be goofy and comedic at best, but he’s fiercely loyal to her. Past experience has told her how much he’s willing to do anything to keep her happy. One time, after winning an Essay Writing contest, he hacked every TV at their old high school to show a very embarrassing 30-second video congratulating her for a job well done.
“That’s why I need your help,” Kara adds, trying her Puppy Dog look on Winn.
Winn purses his lips before sighing. “I’m always in your corner, Danvers,” he says, winking at her, “Let’s just finish our breakfast then I’ll start doing my thing.”
The happiness in her heart makes her squeal for joy, attracting a few of the other customers’ attention. She slaps her mouth shut but gives Winn a very grateful look. “Thank you,” she gushes, hearing how choked up she sounds, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
He waves her off. “Just don’t tell your cousin.”
Oh, Kara thinks to herself, that won’t be a problem.