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Baz
Simon Snow is watching me eat. Crowley, it's unnerving.
My boyfriend, I correct in my head, and immediately feel like a schoolboy with a crush. How juvenile.
Simon is still holding the fork hovering over the plate, and he's shoveled exactly half of everything into his mouth. He's clearly not full, but has decided to leave the rest for me. The thought gives me an odd warm feeling on the back of my neck.
Affection? No. The feeling of being thought of. Considered.
Fucking hell, are my standards low enough to go into a near swoon at the thought of a considerate boyfriend?
I'm a slow eater, and clearly I'm not used to being stared at while I eat, because I'm eating even more slowly. I'm not sure if I'm still hungry or not. My stomach is doing flips. I'm not sure what's going to happen when I'm done with my dinner.
"Are you--um. I mean, do your--um..." Simon is nervous. That makes me feel a little better.
"Am I what, Snow?"
He takes a deep breath. "Are you done eating? And do your fangs just... go away, or..."
I pull the fork from Simon's hand and lean over to place the whole tray on the table next to my bed. "They go away on their own. It just takes a minute sometimes." I settle next to him again, leaning side by side against my headboard.
He bumps his shoulder against mine and reaches for my hand, lacing our fingers together. "Can I kiss you?" He's looking away from me, like he's afraid of my answer.
"Since when do you ask before kissing me, Snow?"
He blushes. "That was before. Now..." He shrugs. "I want to try to be a good boyfriend. And your fangs--"
My fangs are already gone. I'm not sure if he's afraid of them or being considerate of my feelings about them. But because I have no standards I fixate again on his consideration.
I cut him off with my mouth.
Simon
I'm surprised for a moment, but then I let my hands settle on Baz's face. He's pushing against me, his tongue sliding against mine. I don't think he's taken the lead quite so much before. It feels nice, but it's also not quite how I want him to kiss me. It's strange, wanting Baz to kiss me. Wanting him to kiss me a certain way.
I pull away and his lips and tongue follow. I hold his face firm and set my lips together. "Baz." His eyes flutter open and he looks at me, lips slightly parted.
"I thought you wanted to kiss me?" He sounds disappointed, and there's maybe even a hint of a pout in his voice.
"I do! It's just. Can I show you? How I want it?"
Baz's face flushes, just a little, and his eyes narrow. "I'm sorry I'm apparently not good enough at kissing, Snow. We aren't all as experienced as you clearly are."
Shit. I've hurt his feelings. "Baz, that's not what I meant!" I pause and narrow my eyes back at him. "And what exactly do you mean by experienced?"
Baz
Why did I have to say that? We've been boyfriends for twenty minutes and I'm already ruining it. Simon's right. I always go for the worst thing I could say. I just want to go back and undo the last thirty seconds. And I want to get the image of Simon learning to kiss with Agatha out of my mind.
I sigh and close my eyes. "I'm sorry," I open my eyes and look into his again. "Simon."
He rolls his eyes but reaches for my hip and pulls me closer. "If you think you can distract me by saying my name, you have to know the novelty will wear off." His lips are inches from mine and I'm holding my breath.
He's still not closing the distance. Am I supposed to do it?
"Baz." It comes out as a little puff of air on my lips. "Have you done this before?"
I let out the breath I'm holding and pull away. I can't help scowling at him. "Done what, Snow?"
Understanding crosses his face and he reaches for my hand again. I let him take it. I feel like a wild animal in a cage, but I don't actually want him to leave me alone. "Was that--I mean, last night... Baz, was I your first kiss?"
I feel my face flush. I don't even have to say anything and he knows. He's slowly nodding his head. He continues, not waiting for an answer. "And it bothers you that... that you weren't my first?"
"For fuck's sake, Simon."
He grins at me and pulls me in by the hips again. He slides himself down the bed until he's lying with his head on a pillow. He reaches up and tangles his fingers in my hair, tugging gently and pulling me over him. "I've never been kissed by anyone quite like you, Baz. Kiss me again. Please."
I'm irritated and embarrassed, but I'm also turned on and want to push him into the bed. I want to lean over him and kiss him senseless, as if I know what I'm doing. I want him to feel as overwhelmed as I did last night. I want him to forget his name when I move my mouth in just the right way.
I'm still hesitating. Simon can tell. "Baz, I want you to kiss me. No one else." He tugs gently at my hair. "Don't think about anyone else. Just show me what you want from me." And then I'm dipping my head and crashing my lips into his.
Simon
My whole world is Baz right now. He's pressing me into pillows that smell like him, and his face is all I can see. I wasn't lying when I said I'd never been kissed like this. I've never had a kiss so completely block out the world.
I slide my hands onto Baz's face and push just slightly to adjust the angle. He's licking into my mouth, but I push my tongue into his and hum softly. I'm trying to show him what I want him to do. This will probably work better than telling him. I move my tongue against his again and again until I think he knows what I'm asking for. Then I slip my tongue out of his mouth and let him chase it.
He starts copying what I showed him, and it's better than I could have imagined. My toes absolutely curl, and I want to throw a leg over his hip and pull him squarely on top of me.
It takes me a moment to realize that's exactly what I've done. Baz gasps and pulls back. "Simon!" He's pressed flush against me and I can't help but roll my hips up into his. I can feel him hard against me and it's all too much. He groans into my mouth and then rolls off of me.
"Crowley, Snow. You didn't say anything about dry humping in my bed." He's breathing hard, and so am I.
We're both quiet a moment as we catch our breath. Baz looks at me hard and then sits up. "I'm going to take a shower." I just nod and resist pointing out that he usually showers in the morning.
Baz
I can only hope Snow agrees to pretend I wasn't wanking in the shower.
When I come out of the bathroom dressed for bed he's already in the pyjamas I laid out for him and lying on my couch. I wonder how he dealt with his own problem, and I feel my face flush at the thought.
I sit on the edge of my bed facing him. "Ready to sleep?" He nods, but sits up on the couch and looks at me thoughtfully.
"Baz, how long do two blokes usually wait before, you know...doing stuff?"
I nearly fall off the bed. Simon is already jumping up to steady me. "It's just that," he continues, "I know what's appropriate when it's a bloke and a girl. Or at least, I know that there are rules, or standards, or whatever. Or what's normal, I guess. But I don't know what to expect now."
"Do you want to do stuff? With me, I mean?"
Simon sits down next to me, and tugs his hair. He's well agitated. "Well, yeah. But I didn't realize that until... Well, I didn't realize. I thought it was just kind of an abstract someday thing that would go along with liking to look at you and being your boyfriend."
I regret the question forming in my mouth before I even ask it. "Did you... with Wellbelove?" Simon shrugs and I feel bile rising in my throat. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, if you're asking if I'm a virgin, I don't really know how to answer that."
"It seems fairly simple, Snow." I bite back at him. "Either you have or you haven't."
He looks hard at me. "Do you want a checklist of what I have and haven't done? Would that make you feel better?"
I close my eyes. No. It really wouldn't. I sigh, and let the jealousy run out of me. I realize that's what it is. Jealousy. Crowley. Am I a jealous boyfriend?
When I open my eyes, Simon's gaze has softened. He reaches to tuck some loose hair behind my ear, and his fingers linger there. "Baz, I don't want to be with Agatha. I want to be with you."
I scoff. "You've wanted me hardly a day."
He smirks at me. "I've known for a day."
I'm not sure what to say to that, so I lean in and kiss him softly. He pulls back before I'm done. "And Baz--"
"If you ask me how two blokes have sex I swear I'll send you back to the guest room."