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Patrick wanted to track all of David’s kisses in a spreadsheet. Since their first kiss last night (strong but tender) they had kissed nine more times, and he didn’t want to forget a single one. A column for the time, one for the place, one for notes. There had been one quick kiss, two playful, two sweet, and three steamy. Kiss number ten one would have gone off the rails if he hadn’t noticed that his pelvis was instinctively grinding against David’s like a heat-seeking missile and taken an embarrassed step back, causing David to lose his balance and almost fall on top of him.
A spreadsheet of kisses. The idea calmed him down and kept his body from going into overload with all the new sensations. The thrill of kissing someone bigger than him, with stubble and muscles in his arms, was driving him crazy. After daydreaming of that first kiss for so long, he was drained by the effort of working side by side in the store and not touching. He was almost relieved when the call came that Heather’s truck wouldn’t start, and David had to make an emergency trip to her farm to pick up the goat cheese.
He guided David into the corner where their fridge mostly concealed them from the windows and took David’s face in his hands. “Drive safely. Don’t speed,” he said firmly. David nodded, seeming content to be bossed around for once, and Patrick reached up to give him a hard, searing kiss. He purposely cut kiss number eleven a little short and smiled at David’s pouty look. “The sooner you leave, the sooner you come back,” he whispered in David’s ear and gave him a little push towards the door.
Without David’s electric presence in the store, Patrick realized how tired he was. Even though he knew David’s energy could seem frenetic to other people, being around him centered Patrick. He had always felt at a loss before about what to do next, about what he wanted, about how to get out of bed in the morning and feel part of the world that was happening all around him. He fed off David’s energy, whether he was dramatically gesticulating about why the lip balm had to be to the left of the cash register or waving around his giant Cafe Tropical menu while explaining his theory on grilled cheese. Even when he was reading or making notes, he seemed so much more alive than anyone Patrick had every known, his dark eyes flashing, his rings catching the light, his wonderful hair standing up from his scalp with its own vigor. It’s not that Patrick always- or often- agreed with him, but somehow with David around the answer was always clear.
But he was exhausted from being up all night and jittery from too much caffeine and kissing and looking into David’s glittering eyes. When Stevie walked in a few minutes before closing time, Patrick had to take a deep breath and muster up a friendly greeting.
“Hey Stevie, what can I do for you? David’s out, but can I help?”
“Yes, could you recommend your finest, by which I mean your cheapest, red wine? It’s been a really...intense day at the motel.”
“Mrs. Rose was in here earlier, so I heard all about it. They aren’t exactly the most subtle family, are they?”
Stevie gave a tired guffaw. “Nope. They can’t do anything without causing a scene. I remember this one time David and I were in the honeymoon room at the motel. Mr. Rose tried to come in for some towels and when I blocked the door, he thought I was being held hostage, and said he was going to call the police. David was yelling from the bed for him to go away, and he couldn’t find his pants, and it was so much drama.” Stevie smiled at the memory of everyone’s distress until she noticed the sudden strained look on Patrick’s face. “Uh, anyway, how was your dinner with David last night? It’s been so crazy that I didn’t have a chance to ask him today. I could tell he really liked the gift.”
“It was great!” snapped Patrick. “Here, try this cabernet. On me. I’ll tell David you came by. See you later.” Stevie was suddenly on the front steps, wine in hand, with the door locking behind her.
***
The plan was for David to pick up a pizza on his way back into town, and Patrick and David would eat and unpack the cheese. And, David hoped, kiss a little more. While he had made the first move in the car last night, he was delighted that Patrick’s usual self-assurance was back. In fact, he had a certain...swagger today, glancing at David’s mouth like he owned it before every kiss. David shivered happily.
But when he returned, the store was dark. David let himself in, calling out for Patrick.
“In here.” Patrick was sitting on the shabby little couch in the stockroom.
“Why are you back here?” David felt uneasy at how still Patrick was, and kept talking to fill the silence. “You’ll never believe what I learned at Heather’s. You know how Mutt broke up with what’s-her-name? Tallahassee? Tarantula? It seems like Heather has gotten over Ted by getting under Mutt. I guess that’s life in a small town, everyone just swaps partners and moves on to the next. Well, I guess that’s like in the big city too, but the pool is larger so it’s less tacky.”
David set down the pizza on the small table and leaned forward to kiss Patrick’s cheek. “What is it? You can’t be as faint with hunger as I am after all that careful driving.”
“Can you sit down?” Patrick’s voice was tense and strained, and David felt a knot growing in his stomach. He shouldn’t have left for the afternoon. He’d broken the spell. He’d given Patrick too much time to think. David sat down on the edge of the couch.
“Stevie came by today, just before we closed.”
“Stevie? What did she say? Did she give you a hard time? I didn’t tell her about last night. I knew she was busy trying to dispose of the dead body, which is a phrase I can’t believe I just said about my best friend. What did she do?” David could hear how shrill his voice was getting and hated himself for it. But he was also afraid that if he stopped talking, Patrick would very gently tell him that this had all been a mistake.
“She told me a story about your dad catching you guys, well, it sounded like in bed at the motel. And I realize I’ve made some assumptions. We’d been spending so much time together that I thought I knew, but I should have asked about your current, uh, status. Is there something going on with you and Stevie? Are you sleeping together?” Patrick’s voice was barely above a whisper for the last question.
“Oh God, no!” David almost wanted to laugh, but Patrick looked so vulnerable. He grabbed Patrick’s hand. It felt cold and limp, but Patrick squeezed back. David took a deep breath. He had tried so hard to meet Patrick’s openness and honesty with his own, but his dark, twisted, fucked-up past would always come back to haunt him.
“Let me tell you everything, Patrick. I’m sorry you heard like that, and I am not very happy with Stevie right now. When I first moved here, I thought it would just be for a few weeks, and I could wait it out. But then it wasn’t, and I realized that everyone back in New York had completely forgotten me. I was so lonely. And angry. And lonely.” David was surprised how much this still hurt to say out loud. He felt panicked that he might cry, which seemed like a cheap, manipulative thing to do when it was Patrick in pain right now. He took Patrick’s hand to his lips for a quick kiss. “Stevie was my only friend, and I tried to make her into my girlfriend, too, but it got weird and intense and confusing. She hated me for a little while, but we worked through it, and she is why when we met, I was a moderately functioning person with a keen eye for the new boy in town.”
David dared to look at Patrick, who smiled at him weakly. “But we are only friends and have been for a long time,” he added.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” asked Patrick. “I mean, I can see it. I like Stevie. She’s smart, and she’s pretty, and she cares about you enough to give you a hard time.” Patrick’s face looked less strained, and David felt a surge of relief. Maybe he hadn’t ruined the most hopeful relationship of his life in the first 24 hours.
“I guess I thought you knew?” said David. “You live with Ray, who knows everyone and likes to talk. And in case you hadn’t noticed, this is a very small town and I am kind of conspicuous.”
“I did ask Ray about you.” Patrick was a little sheepish. David raised his eyebrows questioningly, and Patrick continued, “I tried to make it sound professional, but looking back on it I think I probably sounded a little lovesick. Like I asked if you had any hobbies and where you hung out. And one time I started describing what you were wearing that day...oh, God, he must have known.” Patrick gave an embarrassed smile. His face looked so open, so accepting, that David fought back the urge to kiss him on both eyelids and then on his soft mouth. “But he just wanted to talk about your mother. Ray is a big Sunrise Bay fan, by the way.”
“Alexis always tells me that nobody cares about what I’m doing as much as I think. And I hate it when she’s right.” David realized he had been sitting stiffly on the edge of the sofa and unfurled himself, settling into the conversation. “Though since we have an unfortunate trend of total honesty today,” he added hesitantly, “I should also say that maybe I thought you knew, but I also didn’t tell you on purpose. Not that I was embarrassed or anything- I mean I’m so far from thinking of Stevie like that anymore that it feels a little weird to remember, but I feel good about where we are now. It’s just that...I know that I’m a lot. I want attention and affection and if someone gives me a little then I want more. Her and I being together reminds me of how lonely and desperate I was. And I thought maybe I could hide all that from you for few more days.”
Patrick slid over next to David and put an arm around his shoulders. David leaned into Patrick’s warmth with relief.
“David, I want to give you my attention. And my affection, too. I’ve had these feelings for you for so long, and it’s such a relief to be able to look at you and not have to look away as soon as you notice. I want to keep looking.”
David buried his face in Patrick’s shoulder. “Does it bother you out that she’s a girl? I’m kind of open on that account. If we’re being completely and totally and painfully honest, I was trying to figure you out and didn’t want to send mixed signals about what I was looking for by telling you about her. Because I’ve been telepathically signaling you for weeks that I want to kiss you and hold hands with you and send you thirsty texts.”
Patrick put his fingers on David’s chin and gently tilted his face towards him. “You’ve been sending me thirsty texts from practically the day we met.” And he kissed him so softly, so gently, that David felt warmth more than touch.
“I want this to work with us,” whispered Patrick. “I really want this to work.”
“Me too,” said David, with an edge of panic creeping back in his voice. “It can work.”
“I know I said I want to take it slow, but I don’t want to share you. Even though being with a guy is new to me, I’m still kind of old-fashioned. I want it to be just us.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve never said this before, but I want to be an old-fashioned guy, too.”
Patrick’s face lit up, but he continued to look at David intensely. “I don’t care about Stevie or anyone else you dated before, but I want us to be all in here. Because it’s only been one day, and I already can’t imagine what I would do without you.”
That last gentle kiss had barely counted. The real kiss number twelve was hot and hungry. Patrick ground his fingers into the back of David’s neck while David flung his legs over Patrick’s lap. Patrick’s hands moved into David’s hair and then down to his shoulders and then...David felt Patrick’s chest shaking with laughter.
“What?!” David was laughing, too, flooded with relief and joy and the desire to kiss Patrick’s button face for hours and hours.
“I’m imagining you and Steve as a couple.” Patrick was still laughing. “My God, I almost wish I could have seen it. She’s the female version of you. Did you take turns getting each other riled up and being rude to everyone?”
David couldn’t help a sideways smile. “I’ll have you know that we were a very charming couple,” he protested. “Even Ted invited us to the most uncomfortable couples’ dinner party in history. But that wasn’t our fault. At least not entirely.”
Patrick smiled at him fondly. “A couples dinner party. Huh. Was there Pictionary after dinner?”
“I think it was on the agenda, but Stevie staged a fight with me so we could leave early, and I think things broke up after that. I guess that proves your point and you feel pretty pleased with yourself.”
“Very. And I hope if I get hit by Roland’s truck tomorrow that the two of you will reunite and torment each other for eternity.”
“If you get hit by a truck I will wear black for the rest of my life and bring white roses to your grave every day. Because I am an old-fashioned guy.”
“Hmm, wearing black every day doesn’t seem like much of a challenge. I’d be more honored if you wore one of Jocelyn’s kitten sweatshirts.”
“I think you should stop talking and show me how an old-fashioned guy kisses.”
Patrick glanced at David’s mouth. Kiss number thirteen (sultry yet scorching) was perfect.