Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was an abnormally warm spring day out, the hot sun casting colossal rays down upon the fields of the Cage High stadium field. You might think in weather like this, you’d find the P.E. classes in the indoor gyms, doing push-ups, playing basketball and the like--so long as they had the comfort of air conditioning. You wouldn’t expect to see them outside in the blistering heat, laboring to run laps around the field while their coach yelled them on.

Except that this was exactly what was going on, and it was proving to be quite the task. Your typical jocks were powering through no problem,  in spite of the light sheen of sweat glistening on their skin and the fact that many of them had, by now, developed heavy tans--sunburns, even. But with how fast and how swiftly they ran, you wouldn’t even suspect that they were tired.

Behind them ran your averages, the students who were just trying their best to power through the twelve-lap run their teacher had instilled on them this morning. You could tell they were tired, try as they might to live up to the unbothered jocks. But their sheens of sweat were far from light, and were far more noticeable to the naked eye. It dropped and rolled down their faces in heavy globs, as they panted and struggled to keep up and not be scolded by the teacher, who was watching their every move.

That certainly added a lot of pressure didn’t it? Should just one of them fall behind--or over--he’d be right on their asses, swearing at them to get up and moving before he started kicking them forward. This was maybe the only thing keeping the averages from completely stopping in their tracks, that and the spite to catch up with the jocks, who were more or less used to doing this shit as most of them were involved with the football team.

Next up after the averages were the stragglers, the ones who were barely making it. There were only one of these left, since many of them had already gotten a scolding from teacher, and by now had managed to join the averages--or more impressively, the jocks. Now that itself was an impressive feat, it didn’t seem like many stragglers had managed to get that far, only barely making it up to the averages.

Though, it didn’t seem as if the one straggler left would be making it to either party.

His name was Connor Stern, and he was 119 pounds soaking wet underneath his sweat-stained t-shirt and gym shorts, which appeared to be clinging on for dear life. He had rather gangly arms, that seemed to be flailing every which way as he battled to keep up with his classmates, and long, tapering legs that did little but kick up the dust of the path behind him.

It was for these very visible factors alone that made him the odd one out amongst his group of peers. The jocks themselves were well-built with strong muscles, something that you obviously had to have if you wanted to qualify to be on any team here at the school. And the averages, while not quite as thickly built, were in pretty good shape themselves.

The only reason they’d been slacking behind no doubt because of a lack of effort, and Connor knew that that was not his reasoning for being the farthest behind. Six laps he could do, he’d been proud of himself the first time he’d managed to make it farther than last place...even if he was still kind of close to it.

But twelve laps? Twelve laps was pushing it, he didn’t know how much longer he could keep going before collapsing.  His chest and lungs ached something terrible, and he was sure his heart was going to beat right out of his rib cage before he even made it to the finish line.

And his mouth, oh how dry it was, if he had half a mind he’d simply break loose from the track and runoff to find a water fountain. Just something to quench his thirst and give him a moment’s rest, then he could finish this run no problem. However, the likelihood of him slipping away unnoticed was impossible; Mr. Anderson was watching everyone like a hawk today. If he even dared move one inch away from the field, another lap would more than likely be slapped onto his regime...and he really, really did not want to do another lap.

Connor supposed he could blame these twelve laps on Gavin Reed’s tardiness today; the boy had had a habit to constantly show up late to school, something of which he could usually get away with in other classes provided that a lot of teachers were on his father’s payroll. Mr. Anderson was perhaps the one sole person who had refused the payroll, which meant there were consequences if Gavin dared be twenty minutes late.

That consequence today had been the six extra laps added to their usual routine, and needless to say, nobody was very happy about it. But they hadn’t dared complain either, as their teacher had threatened to add another six should they start whining about it. So, for the past thirty minutes, they’d just been running in complete silence--save for occasional grunts and panting, and the “encouragement” provided by Mr. Anderson.

This itself was mercifully the final lap, howbeit, but even so it didn’t feel as if he were any closer to making it to the finish line. From where he was, Connor could see that several of his classmates were already crossing it, thus provoking him to try and pick up his pace a bit. He wanted to do better today, he so badly wanted to not be in last again.

Everyone always laughed at him when he was last.

Everyone just always laughed at him, regardless of what he was doing.

But try as he might, though, he just couldn’t catch up. His legs were strained to the point of where he could feel them burning, nothing he did was going to make them pick up the pace no matter how much of an effort he put forth. They begged him to stop and he wanted to, almost did, until he saw that more of the boys had crossed the finish line--no, all of them had. All of them were finishing now, Mr. Anderson standing by and waiting with his ever-present impatience intact on his face.

“Connor! Hurry your ass up, we don’t have all day!” he yelled out to Connor, who narrowly missed tripping over his own shoelace. Yelling never helped, yelling never ever helped, why did he do it? It wasn’t going to make Connor run any faster, it just made him want to go in the opposite direction.

His panting broke out into full-on wheezing as he grew closer to the others, another sweat bead blossoming on and trickling down his face alongside the others that had formed. That white line--that white line was so close now, he could almost envision his feet passing over it. But he almost didn’t want his feet to pass over it, not now. Not since he was last.

They were going to tease, they were going to mock him again. He could already see some of the execrable grins on their faces as he neared, could hear their faint snickering. He didn’t want to pass the line, he wanted to go back--he wanted to go back, he didn’t want them to laugh--

But they did.

They all laughed, loud and uproariously, as Connor’s foot caught onto something solid and he planted face first into the path with a heavy oof, his body practically slumping and skidding across the line and straight into someone’s pair of scuffed tennis shoes. He pressed his hands against the ground, attempting to push himself up--but his body was so heavy with exhaustion he couldn’t even manage that much.

It was no doubt humiliating to keep laying here, but what else could he do?  He did not want to look at their faces. He knew what he’d see when he did, and he found the red dirt from the path to be much more pleasant in the terms of company right now.

“Alright alright, knock it off, back up--” A large hand--which more than likely belong to Mr. Anderson-- grabbed him by the back of his shirt and swiftly lifted him to his feet, unintentionally gathered red dirt falling in dust clouds from his hands. “Hey, I said back it up, alright? Move!”

The laughing began to die down as the boys did what their teacher had said, and stepped back. The only one who still seemed to be snickering was Gavin, which made Connor wonder momentarily if he’d been the one responsible for making him fall.

Best not to jump to conclusions. Mama Amanda said that was a bad thing to do, anyways. Was it a bad thing to think about his appearance too? He knew that was a bad thing, it was, but he was doing it now. Thanks to his clothes and skin being entirely doused in sweat, the red dirt from the path had stuck in clumps to him. There was no dusting it off, even if he was trying his hardest to.

“What the hell was that, Connor?” He pried at a stuck piece of dirt with his fingernails, startled into looking up as Mr. Anderson seized him by the shoulder, shaking him. “You think just because I turn my back for one minute you get to play Oopsie Daisy?”

“No sir--I wasn’t--”

“Save it, just watch your goddamn feet next time, okay?” Huffing, Mr. Anderson released him and turned towards the others, leaving Connor to woefully duck his head and resume picking at the stuck dirt on his arm. “Alright, laps are over, everyone drop and give me twenty five. I hear any bitching, then its forty five. Are we clear?”

There was a mumble of “yes sirs” and slow nods in response to this.

“Alright,” Mr. Anderson nodded, resuming his post near the water cooler where his clipboard had been hastily dropped. “Get to work then, and no horseshit this time. Got it?”

He picked his clipboard back up and went back to--well, whatever it was he’d been doing before Connor had fallen, while the class went about doing as he’d ordered. Connor was the last to do so, but only because he’d been so enveloped in shame that he hadn’t noticed he was the only one still standing.

Provided that he was just on the ground, it was understandable as to why he wasn’t in a big hurry to drop. But, he’d already made Mr. Anderson upset once today, it’d be better to just hurry up and get this done before he looked up from his clipboard and yelled at him for standing around.

So he dropped down, unfortunately very close to Gavin Reed, who had already propelled through the first ten  push ups with complete ease. He did stop upon completion of the eleventh, watching all too amused as Connor attempted the first. It was a good attempt, even if he had little success with it and ended up falling face first.

As he attempted a second time, he caught sight of Gavin watching him, and quickly turned his gaze back to the ground. No distractions--distractions were bad, they kept you from getting things done. He had to get this done, he could--the laps had been exhausting, but he could do this. He could get twenty five push ups before they were dismissed, and nobody would be able to tease him.

Needless to say, however, the second attempt went about as well as the first had. It really didn’t help that he could still feel Gavin watching him, and so he tried to ignore him, but was promptly interrupted by a tap on his arm. He didn’t look over at first, not until the second tap.

That’s when he saw what had been written into the dirt.

“You eat shit, Connor Stern.”

Connor wasn’t able to make it to twenty five push ups before Mr. Anderson dismissed them to the locker room. While seventeen was certainly a higher number than he had usually gotten, it didn’t make him feel any better. Would’ve made him feel better, had he not had that message in the dirt in front of him the entire time.

He’d thought to maybe brush it away, but he was scared he’d fall flat again if he moved either of his hands. And because of this, the message had stayed put, giving Gavin the delight of watching him awkwardly try to avoid looking at it. He himself had kicked it away as they’d gotten up (so Mr. Anderson wouldn’t spot it and scold him), but had obnoxiously winked at Connor before walking off to join his friends.

Well, he supposed he had to give them some credit for that. Ordinarly, such jabs were verbal, he hadn’t really expected Gavin to take the time to actually write it out in the dirt. In fact, it was impressive that he knew how to write at all, provided how often he skipped out on classes. Connor didn’t know what else he could be doing, but it wasn’t his place to know. Mama always told him that private affairs were the Lord’s business and no one else’s, least of all Connor’s.

She said that it was better for him to keep his nose where it needed to be, and that God would punish him should he not do so. The first time she’d told him this, he’d asked her if that was one of the ten commandments in the Bible, but his only answer had been said-Bible being slammed against his face.

That was when he decided to think first before asking her anything else--though in his defense, he’d only been six years old at the time and still learning his verses and commandments. Who could really blame him for asking such an innocent question, when all he wanted was a simple answer. How else was he supposed to know?

Or maybe he wasn’t supposed to know. Not straight away, anyways. Maybe his answers had to be hard-earned.

That was something he could dwell on later when he was trying to sleep tonight, right now all he wanted was to get to the showers intact and clean himself off. He felt dirty--not just with the red dirt and sweat caking his body, but he just couldn’t get that phrase in the dirt out of his mind.

“You eat shit, Connor Stern.”

A daily phrase. A repeated phrase, that or being told he ate ass or that he sucked dicks. He could recall a crumpled up note with a similar saying being passed around in English class once, landing on his desk right as Mr. Perkins had finished writing on the chalkboard. Connor’s cheeks burnt hot as he remembered trying to swat the note off his desk, only to have Mr. Perkins summon him up to stand up and read it.

He hadn’t wanted to. He felt disgusting just reading it in his head, and was so sure he was about to throw up even before he’d said it out loud. But he had no choice, it was his own fault for not swatting it away the minute it landed on his desk. He’d gotten himself into that situation and blaming anyone else wouldn’t have helped any.

That had sent him to the principal’s office, despite not being the one having written the note. His mother had been called a short while later and ended up taking him home, where the rest of the afternoon had been spent with Connor cowering over their makeshift altar as she lectured him on the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah.

It hadn’t been the first time she’d done that. He only hoped it was the last.

Now at his locker, he briefly glanced around to ensure no one was watching him and unlocked it. Scraps of paper with Bible verses were taped inside, alongside several comic strips from some leftover Jack Chick tracts Mama had been handing out recently. His Bible sat atop his neatly folded clothes, which he removed and sat on the close-by bench.

Snickers sounded from behind him and he stood still, waiting for the footsteps to pass before resuming. Sitting down, he removed his stained sneakers and socks, then went about peeling away the rest of his clothes. Shirt first, followed by his shorts, then his underwear, which he hesitated in removing.

Mama always said bad things about locker rooms, that they were a place full of sinful and lustful thoughts. She said it wasn’t safe for a man to undress in one, let alone shower, and thus had warned Connor against using them. They didn’t even have their own shower at home, though Connor was positive there had used to be a shower head attached to the tub before Mama had had it removed.

Here at the school, though, he didn’t have a say in the matter. Mr. Anderson would absolutely refuse to let you leave the locker room unless you’d showered, and he could almost always tell when you hadn’t. So as Mama never asked him if he’d been using them, he never told her.

A whole single minute had passed before Connor had gathered up the courage to slip off his underwear, which he crumpled up and dropped into his pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Just as quick as he had done that, he stood up, snatching a threadbare beige towel from his locker and wrapping it around his boney hips. Gathering up the rest of his shower supplies--which was really just one lone sponge and a bar of soap he’d confiscated from the bathroom at home--he shuffled over to the showers, which by now were mostly empty.

Someone had been using this one recently, he could tell by the tile being wet. He sat his things down on the small shelf nearby, and prepared to unwrap the towel--not before glancing over his surroundings one more time to ensure nobody was waiting nearby to spring on him.

He believed what Mama said about public showers. Surprisingly nobody ever seemed to bother him, except for the times he’d gone into the shower still wearing his clothes; even so, he remained cautious, and would choose to wait until everyone else had pretty much finished. You never could be too careful, no matter how safe your environment proclaimed itself to be. Danger could be waiting around every corner, whether it be in the form of an attacker or ungodly notions.

Fortunately for him, though, anyone who had showered were getting dressed by their lockers and were thankfully minding their own business. This gave him the security to fully disrobe, draping the towel over the ledge separating him from everybody else.

He surveyed the dirt that had dried to his arms and legs briefly, before twisting the spigot. Allowing himself to stand underneath the faucet, Connor closed his eyes and craned his head back, steaming hot water gushing down onto him. It streamed downwards to every sharp angle of his pale, willowy body, curving at his shoulder blades, and stopping ever so slightly at his buttocks--only to slip down them a moment later and seep onto to his legs.

Opening his eyes, Connor reached for his soap bar and sponge from their place on the little shelf, and lathered up the sponge until it was almost entirely consumed in white foam. He began to aggressively scrub at the dirt on his arms, on his legs, until there was a fountain of red spilling into the drain.

He didn’t stop, not until his skin was rosy and clean once more, and there were no signs of sweat nor dirt remaining. And when there wasn’t, he rinsed the remainder of white foam from the sponge, reaching to place it and the soap back onto the shelf. The soap slipped from his hand and fell onto the tiled floor with a loud kerplunk , making Connor take a spooked step back.

He shook his head, sighing, then stooped over to retrieve it. After several clumsy efforts of doing so, he finally managed to recapture the slippery bar into both his hands this time, exactingly and carefully placing it beside the sponge. Connor then reached over to turn off the spigot, but upon doing so, allowed his eyes to accidentally wander back over to the lockers.

He’d only looked at first, since he was almost done. He wanted to make sure everyone was almost gone before he stepped back out. He was going to look once, and then he was going to look away and turn the spigot off. He couldn’t allow himself to look any longer, else he let his mind be filled with the polluted sentiments Mama Amanda had warned him about.

But he did.

Connor did allow himself to look longer, without meaning to and without realizing it.

He was staring. Looking.

A classmate was emerging from one of the adjacent showers, and--oh, what was his name? Connor had been going here long enough to pretty much know everyone’s name, how come he was drawing a blank now?

Nothing but a fuzzy white towel was wrapped around his waist, but just barely enough to cover him. His waist...which looked like it was mostly made out of pure muscle. Solid pecs made up the first half of his torso, firm abs further down led to a pair of wide, well-built hips.

Connor kept staring, his chestnut eyes flicking up and down the classmate’s body as the teen shrugged off the towel and slipped on a pair of underpants, cracking a handsome smile as he began to talk to two other boys--one blonde and one black--standing next to him. Water droplets clung and shone ever so slightly on his brown skin, which he was towelling off.

(look away look away stop looking)

Biceps. He had... strong biceps, that flexed as he reached to pull a white t-shirt over his head. It caught somewhat as he pulled it down, pausing to listen to what his friend had to say--Markus, he’d called him Markus, was that his name? Yes, he remembered it now--Markus Manfred. He sat in front of him during English class, and next to him at Art. He made some of the loveliest paintings, Connor had always wanted to compliment him on them but every time he’d tried to venture over and talk to him he’d lost his nerve.

What would the point be in doing that, after all? Markus was one of the elites of Cage High, he came from a wealthy family--as did all his friends. They all lived on the same street, in the same rich neighborhood. There was no chance that he’d ever notice Connor “Bible Beater” Stern of all people, and there was certainly no way he’d ever talk to him either.

But as of right now, all he didn’t seem notice was his shirt being stuck, as he continued to listen and talk to his friend. He didn’t notice...and this allowed Connor a single second longer of staring.

His head felt...fuzzy. He didn’t know why it felt fuzzy, or why his stomach felt warm all of a sudden. Those impure thoughts, the sinful feelings of lust and longing. They were trying to overtake his mind--well, he wouldn’t let them! He’d look away now, it was rude to be staring anyways, Mama always said it was--

A laugh.

He heard a laugh, and his looking away didn’t last for long. His head snapped back up towards Markus, who was laughing at something the blonde boy had just said. It was...a hearty, lovely laugh, not as cruel as the ones Gavin and others often let out after picking on him. Twice Markus laughed, as he readjusted the shirt he hadn’t quite succeeded in pulling down the first time.

Another flash of his torso, another laugh.

The warm feeling in Connor’s belly began to curl, a painful throbbing suddenly overtaking the lower half of his body. No. No, he had to stop looking. That was it. He had to stop--

Swallowing hard, he was about to grab the spigot to turn the water off, when Leo Manfred suddenly appeared on the opposite side of the shower--making several loud, rapid smacks at the half wall separating him and Connor, frightening him enough to where he practically slipped into a backwards slump against the wall.

“Hey Bible Beater, hurry up! Bell’s in five minutes--” he began to say, but stopped abruptly as Connor pushed himself back up, allowing him full gaze of his entire naked frame. Jaw dropping open, Leo guffawed and took a step back, covering his mouth.

“Oh my god--oh my fucking god, what the fuck, Connor?”

“Huh?” Connor pressed his hands onto the slick tile to keep himself from slipping again, squinting in confusion. “I--I don’t--”

“Oh my god!” Leo repeated again, guffawing even louder as he kept backing up. “Shit, guys! Get over here, Bible Beater’s got a full salute going on!”

“Wha--huh--wait--”

Connor couldn’t speak, couldn’t manage a full sentence without choking, only watching in dumbfound confusion and fear as his classmates all began to crowd around the showers, staring with open-mouthed shock and horror at his shivering, pallid form pressed up against the slimy green tile. The lower half of his body continued to pulsate painfully--something in it, something was throbbing, it hurt.

“Ew, fucking disgusting!”

“Holy shit, get a fucking room, you freak!”

“That’s fucking huge, holy shit--”

They were all pressed onto the half wall now, pouring over him like he was some kind of shop merchandise on display for sale. The color had completely left some of their faces, while others were completely beet red. Some were making gagging noises, others screeching and hollering loud enough to shake the ceiling lights.

Connor pressed himself further against the wall, as if that would do something to protect him. What was going on, what were they laughing at him now for--he didn’t understand! He wasn’t doing anything that warranted a laugh in any way at all!

“Are you--are you hard? In the showers, right here in the goddamn showers?”

“Fucking creep, that’s what the internet is for--”

“Is that why you used to wear your clothes?”

More voices joined in, so crowded together he couldn’t even tell who was saying what--let alone who was who. His vision had begun to swim and everyone’s faces were almost melting together. He wanted to leave, he was going to leave--he didn’t know what was going on but he wanted to leave. He wanted to get dressed, he could hear the bell ringing already.

Another chorus of loud yells erupted as he took a step forward, several boys covering their eyes and letting out shrill, disgusted shrieks. Connor felt his chest begin to tighten and clenched his fists, which hung stiffly by his sides. He attempted to take another step, but was met with the same response.

That’s when Gavin Reed’s voice came soaring over the crowd, hitting Connor like a brick wall.

“ Bo-ner! ”

He appeared from behind Leo and several other boys, hands cupped around as his mouth as he repeated himself a second time.

“ Bo-ner! ” he hollered, and boomingly so. “Bible Beater’s got a boner!”

“Wha--huh?” Connor felt so dumb standing there, and he must’ve looked quite dumb too, hunched back into the wall with water dripping from his hair and body. He hadn’t even turned off the spigot, the water was still running. And his face--what was the expression on his face? He was bewildered, that was for sure, he didn’t understand at all what was happening.

He hurt, he hurt so badly. The throbbing was still there and hadn’t stopped.

(what’s happening to me what’s going on someone help)

“Your dick, you dumb fuck!” Another voice shouted from the crowd, but he couldn’t tell who it belonged to. There were so many people talking now. “You’re erect, you’re goddamn erect!”

His entire body stiffened at these words; hands stopping their grabbing at the tiles, feet stopping their desperate sliding as he tried to keep himself from slipping back to the floor.

Slowly, as if he almost dared himself to do so, he tore his eyes from his intruding audience and lowered them to the lower half of his body. Where the pain was, where the throbbing was, and where everyone else was eyeballing him.

That was when he screamed.

For the first time in his life, the constrained and reclusive Connor Stern had screamed. Out loud, shrill, and piercing.

This silenced the other boys, but only out of shock. Provided that Connor was always the silent scapegoat of their jokes, they’d thought it impossible for him to make any other noises that weren’t quiet. To hear him just scream out loud like this was...well, to put it mildly, it was quite jarring.  

Could they really claim surprise, though? It had been bound to happen sooner or later, especially after all the years they’d spent teasing and picking on him since he’d first set foot near them--such as the time they’d all gone to that field trip to the zoo and pushed him into the gorilla enclosure, standing by hollering while he stood there like a dumb bunny waiting for a zookeeper to come rescue him.

Oh, and there was also that moment during Sociology where he’d fallen asleep and someone had pulled his chair out from underneath him to wake him up. And what about all those times he’d knelt to pray during lunch? That always got a few snickers from everyone, so much so that he’d stopped doing it.

But no. It had been none of those things, specifically. Instead, it was this that made him scream, that made him crack. His exposed, gangly body--his junk erect for everyone to see. Everything else had just been a precursor, this itself was the main event.

Unfortunately though, their silence was only fleeting, as Gavin Reed was the first to burst into a laughing fit. There were no mean words or jokes, only harsh, ugly laughter that little by little, began to fill the entire locker room. Connor was screaming some more, but this didn’t silence them this time, they continued to howl and ridicule even as he dropped to his knees, keeling over in agony.

(the pain won’t stop it won’t stop oh god)

Soon enough, his screams transitioned into loud, horrid squalls, and his hands sprawled out on the tile like claws. He tucked his legs together, somewhat resembling a very awkward penguin as he tried to scoot-waddle his way across the shower floor. It hurt, everything hurt, he couldn’t bring himself to stand--only laying hunched over underneath the hot water that continued to pour from the faucet.

Looking up was no better, he was to find little pity awaiting him there. It was no use to scream for help, to cry that he was in pain, nobody was doing anything. Even if he repeated himself several times over in-between his squalling and wailing, nobody did anything except howl and convulse in uproarious laughter.

“Help me! Oh god, help me! It hurts, someone make it stop!” He tried to clutch at it, but that only made it worse. “Someone please! Please, I’m begging you!”

“Aw, you hear that? ‘Ole Stiff-Neck Stern is begging!” Gavin. No, no--anyone but him. “Why don’t we help him out?”

There was a chorus of whooping and baying, as Connor glanced over in astoundment to see that Gavin was leaned over the half-wall, extending his hand to him. It was a mistake to try to grab it, Connor knew that, but he was so despairing that he was willing to accept help from anyone at this point. Anything to get out of here, to run away and hide in the bathroom for two hours until everyone had forgotten about it and moved on to find something or someone else to make fun of.

Tentatively, Connor untucked his legs and reached for Gavin’s hand, placing one foot behind him as he tried to stand up. No sooner had he grasped it, when Gavin abruptly released him and shoved him back, sending him toppling back into the very wall he’d been cowering against earlier. The wind was knocked out of his lungs as he landed flat on his back, briefly dizzying him enough to not realize he was once more fully exposed to everyone.

Because of this, he wasn’t soon enough to hide himself this time, nor was he able to dodge the damp towel someone chucked his way. Someone else threw his bar of soap at him, another threw his sponge. Soon there was a whole barrage of objects being tossed over the wall--toilet paper, more soap bars, condoms--where they had gotten those, Connor didn’t know, probably from someone’s gym bag.

“Cover it up!”

“Yeah, no wants to see your man-junk, faggot!”

He was all but braying with despondency now, turning his body to the side, his arms clasped across his chest as he slid down the wall, crying and wailing hot, sticky tears. More objects were pelted his way, including Gavin Reed himself who was jumping over the half-wall.

“Now wait a minute fellas, we may not have to go to such extremities after all.” He walked over to the spigot, vigorously twisting it around until Connor could feel the hot water pooling around his feet turn cold. “Not that I’ve ever found myself in this situation, but uh, I hear cold water tends to do the trick...”

Gavin removed the detachable shower hose, turning to face Connor with a cruel grin on his face. Connor’s eyes widened in terror, and he scrambled to push himself up, suddenly not caring if he was exposed. He knew what was coming, he knew what was going to happen, he didn’t want it to--

Too late.

Gavin was already on top of him, successfully knocking him down with one swift kick from his cleats. He squirmed underneath him, fingers digging into the floor as he tried to pull himself away, but it was no use. He’d called Leo over alongside Michael Graham, and was yelling at them to pick him up and keep him still.

And like hounds obeying their master, the two boys obliged and grabbed a hold of Connor’s skinny arms, forcefully pulling him to his feet all while he continued to kick and scream.

“No, no! Let me go! Please don’t--”

He sputtered, almost choking as a cascade of cold water was sprayed right into his face. By now, the others had stopped throwing things at him and instead were watching very intently as Gavin kept hold of the faucet towards Connor’s desperately wriggling form. He tossed his head from side to side, letting out one blubbering, pathetic bawl after the other as more and more water was spurted into his eyes, his mouth--his entire face and body. His lower body, and that thing--it was was so cold, it stung.

Everyone could see it now.

But no one stepped in. No one did anything.

They just kept watching, kept hooting and howling; for to them, this was their daily entertainment. This was their favorite television channel, their favorite show-- ”Torment Connor Stern Just for the Hell of It” .  They’d been tuned into it since the day he’d walked up to the Avery Elementary School, Bible tucked under his arm and a blank, deadening expression on his face--presenting himself a target ripe for bullying, persecution, and all other sorts of nasty things.

This had been their channel for almost eleven years, why would they want to turn it off now? Not when there was more torment, and more teasing to be had, oh absolutely not.

(torment torment i’d love to see them burn i’d love to see them hurt like me)

Connor could feel his eyes rolling into the back of his head, and the pain in his lower half beginning to reside. His belly was hurting now, he felt sick. He wanted to just bend right over and wretch, to throw up all over Gavin’s new shoes and then some. He was about to, he was sure he would. He was sure, he could feel the bile beginning to collect at the pit of his throat.

All of a sudden, a loud, rushed bang sounded amidst all the pitiless vociferating, shortly followed by heavy, rushed footsteps that Connor could faintly hear over the tumultuous rushing of the water. Closer, closer the footsteps grew, until Hank Anderson was all but pushing his way into the crowd of cheering boys to see what was going on.

Chapter Text

Hank should’ve known something was wrong as soon as he’d heard that first scream.

He hadn’t thought much of it at first, as it was a boys locker room and that kind of noise was to be expected amongst the muffled chatter. Someone had either shoved someone else into a locker or decided it would be funny to switch someone’s shampoo out for a gatorade--either way, he couldn’t bring himself to care. As far as he was concerned, his responsibility for these little shits had ended after he’d dismissed class, whatever was going on could just keep going on.

But then he’d heard another scream. And another, followed by loud choruses of laughter and howling. He’d kept trying to ignore it, instead choosing to keep his focus on the daily class report he was typing out. Not that he enjoyed typing up these kinds of reports, they always had to be so clean cut and precise, with not a bad thing to say unless it was worded nicely.

But oh, the things he’d say about his students if he were allowed to. If he had his way, this report would certainly be a lot more colorful in that regard, complete with every single swear word that was known to mankind.

But then, that would also add a tenth disciplinary warning to his folder, and he figured he could live without another one of those, let alone another wordy speech from Jeffrey. He’d always told Hank that he was lucky to still have this job after all the crap he’d pulled, but that was perfectly easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one having to coach a rowdy bunch of teenage boys for an hour.

Speaking of rowdy, it hadn’t seemed like things were calming down in there anytime soon. As much as he’d rather leave them to the wolves, the noise was escalating in an alarming rate and Hank knew someone was going to end up with a black eye and bloody lip if he didn’t step in and intervene. God forbid one of the Cage Preps get hurt, then their parents would be all over his ass for not preventing it--even if that technically wasn’t his responsibility outside of class.

So, after double-checking that he’d saved his report, Hank got up from his desk and exited his office, making his way out into the locker room. He could see the crowd gathered around the showers as he neared, and already, he had the feeling that someone’s parent was about to be called over to chew him out.

Sighing heavily, he shook his head and made his way over.

“Alright, hey, what’s going on--for fuck’s sake, will you just move?”

More screaming, and he wasn’t any closer to getting to the front of this crowd. Christ, when did he have an entire army for a class? He was sure he didn’t have this many students, this was absolutely ridiculous. At this rate, if anyone was going to end up getting a black eye, it wasn’t going to be from whatever was going on--it was going to be from Hank himself, though he didn’t exactly enjoy the idea of actually hitting one of his students...but at times like these, the thought was more than tempting.  If it’s what he had to do to find out what was going on, then so be it.

Fortunately, however, it didn’t seem like it would end up coming to that. He soon came across Markus Manfred halfway through the group, standing with his usual entourage of Simon Mathers and Josh Thompson. He had to admit, Markus was definitely one of the more tolerable kids he’d had to deal with over the years, as he had a tendency to avoid fights and crowds incidents like the plague.

Which was why it dumbfounded Hank to see him here, amongst all the unfolding chaos.

“Manfred!” He didn’t even have to grab him, Markus spun around the instant his last name was shouted. “What the hell are you doing--what’s going on?”

“I--it’s Connor Stern, sir, he--”

Connor Stern.

Oh god, he should’ve known.

Why was it anytime something bad happened in this class, it always had to involve Connor Stern? Rich, snotty parents he could deal with, but he wasn’t about to be around when his mother was called down here over whatever it was that was happening. Trying to talk to that woman was like trying to talk to a brick wall.

“Connor? What about him?”

“He--” Markus stopped, eyes trailing over past the rest of the crowd. “I mean, I didn’t see much so I--”

“Bullshit, you wouldn’t be over here if you hadn’t. Now what’s going on with him?”

“He…” Hesitance was as equally heavy on Markus’ face as it was in his voice, and his eyes darted between the front of the crowd again, before coming back to Hank. His friends hadn’t seemed to have picked up on the conversation, but that wasn’t too shocking given how loud it was in here.

“Well?”

“I...shit, it’s stupid, I don’t know. He got an erection in the shower and everybody started throwing things at him--”

“I’m sorry, he got a what now?” Hank interrupted Markus, jaw clenching as he grimaced. He hoped to God he hadn’t heard that right, that was not at all what he’d been expecting and was nothing he was prepared to deal with right now.

“I--uh, an erection? A boner?”

“Yeah yeah, stop, I know what that is, I just--shit. Fuck, I don’t--” Hank rubbed his temples, already feeling the urge to retreat back to his office to get his whiskey flask--something else that could very well get him a disciplinary warning.

A high-pitched bawl bounced off the shower walls, causing Hank to turn from Markus and push his way through of the rest of the crowd, who one by one began to shut up as soon as his hand had made contact with their shoulders. Once he reach the front, he was met with the appalling sight he’d expected; Gavin Reed and his posse tormenting a crying and flailing Connor with the shower hose.

Because that’s what he’d been hoping to deal with today.

He wasted no time in ending it--first grabbing Gavin by the scruff of his neck and tossing him back into the half-wall, the shower hose falling from his hand. He didn’t even have to do the same to Michael Graham and Leo Manfred, they’d let Connor go as soon as Hank had thrown Gavin back. Now the two had ran over to join Gavin, the three of them looking fully ready to slink back into the crowd like scolded pets.

As soon as he’d been let go, Connor had dropped back onto the floor and curled up into a fetal position, pathetically sobbing as shivers racked his waterlogged body. It was a sight that almost made Hank want to roll his eyes; it wasn’t that he didn’t feel badly for the poor kid, he did, but Christ, he was acting like this kind of shit had never happened to him before.

Then again, maybe it hadn’t. Not to this extent anyways, Hank wouldn’t know for sure since he only ever saw Connor during this class.

He reached over, taking the time to twist the spigot off. The water stopped, even though his shoes had already been partially soaked through.  

“Okay…” He placed his hands on his hips, turning back to Connor, who was still hunched over and crying. “Okay, enough of that. You can stand up now.”

But Connor wouldn’t move, staying put where he was. There were some whispers from the crowd, several snickers too. Outside of the room, the bell for next class period had begun to ring.

“Connor--” Still nothing, the same response as before. Muttering under his breath, Hank sighed and crouched, placing his hand on the boy’s quivering shoulder. He attempted to give it a gentle shake, hoping this would prompt him to move, but was instead met with a shrieking howl and a near kick to the face as Connor scrambled to get away from him.

He ended up slipping and falling back on the slick tile in the process, then pushing himself backwards until he’d backed into the wall. Wrapped condoms, socks, and pieces of toilet paper stuck to his arms and legs--things he had unintentionally gathered up in his plight to get away.

Hank was quick to get over to him this time, grabbing him by the shoulders before he could curl back into the same position as before.

“Hey, kid, calm down--” He was barely able to get a word in between Connor’s hysterical cries. “Connor, stop--just, look at me will you? It’s over, they’re not--damnit, will you just stand up?”

Connor hadn’t stopped screaming, now thrashing his head back and forth and resisting Hank’s efforts to lift him to his feet.

The bell was still ringing. More snickers, more whispering.

God damn could he go for a sip of whiskey right now, but since that didn’t seem to be an option at the moment, it looked like he’d have to use his plan b. It was never something he liked to employ--there was a sworn rule that as a teacher, you were not allowed to touch or harm students in any way possible, no matter the circumstances.

Well, shit. Circumstances be damned. He could get written up for this for all he cared, but he had no other choice. Every noise in this room seemed to be bouncing off the walls and straight into his ears, and it was starting to give him a headache, he had to do something.

And that something just so happened to be a sharp, loud slap, right across Connor’s face.

This silenced his cries almost instantly, and he stared straight at Hank with tear-drenched, blank eyes. He hiccuped, a snot bubble dripping from his nose and catching on his upper lip.

Someone chortled nearby, reminding Hank that they still had an audience watching them. He released Connor’s shoulder, snapping his head back towards the gaping crowd.

“Get out of here, all of you.” he hissed. “Now. Go on, move, get to your next classes.”

“But what about Co--” Someone began to say.

“Nevermind him, I said get out!”

They all scurried after that, hurriedly gathering up dropped bookbags and other varying items as they all rushed out the door, talking and murmuring amongst themselves. Hank watched them all until no one was left, waiting until the last boy had shut the door behind him. He then turned back to Connor, whose head had fallen into a slump. He wasn’t screaming now, so much as quietly weeping, and Hank felt his stomach coil.

Fuck, he hated this. He hated this so much.

“Hey…Connor?”

Connor startled, looking back up at him. There was a sizzling pop overhead them, sparks flying from a light fixture on the ceiling as it fizzled and went out.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ--” Hank cursed, nearly falling back onto the ground himself. He steadied himself, swearing under his breath. Shit, this place was just falling apart now, wasn’t it? He couldn’t begin to count the amount of things that had broken in just a few short days--first it’d been the water cooler at P.E. the other day, then a day before that a basketball hoop had come loose and nearly crashed down onto Leo Manfred.

Someone was making budget cuts somewhere, there was no other explanation for all of this. With all the money they took from rich parents, you’d think they’d have enough to afford proper maintenance--

“What’s wrong with me, Mr. Anderson?”

His train of thought was interrupted a soft whimper from Connor, whom he looked over at with a puzzled expression.

“What do you mean what’s wrong with you?”

“I mean…” Connor’s head wilted and he hugged himself, bringing his knees to his chest. “My body, it...am...am I dying?”

“Are you--what? No! No you’re not dying, you’re just--” Hank couldn’t believe what he was hearing, who got a boner and thought they were dying? He wouldn’t deny they could get painful sometimes, but even so, he’d never actually thought he was dying while having one.

But then, maybe that was just it. Maybe Connor hadn’t known he was having one...a ridiculous assumption, but definitely not out of the question in terms of an answer. Yeah, the kid was seventeen and was well past puberty, there was no way he couldn’t know...but there was also that mother of his, perhaps she hadn’t…

“Shit. Connor…don’t tell me you don’t know…”

His only response was a slow, silent blink. Well, that answered his question easily enough.

“Alright...alright, I see, uh….” Hank cleared his throat.  “Right. Um…okay, here’s what we’re gonna do...if you can manage it, I want you to uh...get up, y’know, clean yourself off, and um...yeah, get dressed. Think you can do that?”

Connor nodded, releasing another sniffle as he rubbed at his nose.

“Okay? Good, good, now uh…” Hank awkwardly stuck his hand out, attempting a pat on the arm--which he soon realized wasn’t such a good idea with the way Connor had suddenly flinched. “I’m gonna go to my office...uh...gotta call someone. Just...come get me when you’re ready to go.”

He stood back up, making a hurried escape out of the showers and back through the lockers to his office. He hated to leave Connor there like that, but he couldn’t stand it any longer--couldn’t stand looking at him. Not with his soppy wet hair, or that putrid green snot bubbling in his nose.

Or that dumb, sad look on his face, god how he hated that face.

He’d seen it so many times before, not just on Connor but from other schoolyard scapegoats that he’d had in his class before. He wasn’t entirely fond of it, and he wouldn’t deny his hatred for them should someone ask him.

At the same time, though...there was something different about the look on Connor’s face compared to the others. Something he didn’t know or couldn’t place.

Whatever it was, he only knew he hadn’t been able to stand being around it for much longer.

“Give us this day our daily bread…”

The hallways were mostly empty by the time Mr. Anderson had walked Connor down to Principal Fowler’s office, filled with only a few students here and there. He’d stopped whimpering by now, but the rest of his body hadn’t seemed able to calm down just yet, as it was still wobbling with each step he took. One hand was tautly clenching his bag, the other pulling quite tensely at the silver crucifix that hung from his neck.

He’d been silently uttering the Lord’s Prayer several times on the walk over, trying to calm himself down. It was an involuntary habit he’d picked up over the years, and he didn’t know for sure when he’d started doing it--it was practically an automatic action anytime he found himself distraught. If he stopped, he’d be bound to start crying again...and he didn’t want to.

He was tired of crying. In fact, he hadn’t even realized how tired he was until now.

Eleven years...eleven goddamn years of this shit. Oh, going to public school would be in his benefit, town officials had said. You can’t keep him hidden from the world like this, it isn’t good for him, they’d said. Let him to go to school so he can become everybody’s favorite punching bag, let our kids pick on him because they have nothing better to do with their time.

Well, they’d certainly gotten their way, hadn’t they? He’d gone to their stupid school, and now this had happened. This had happened, and he was so exhausted.

“And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…”

His head was bowed, eyes remaining somewhat open so he could see where he was going. Mama Amanda always said to close your eyes when you prayed, but Connor didn’t care. God probably didn’t care either, maybe He didn’t even care that he was praying. He could almost picture it now, God sitting on his giant golden throne in Heaven, fingers plugged into his ears all because He couldn’t be bothered to listen to Connor’s shaky recitation for the fiftieth time this week.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,” He gave his crucifix another anxious tug, keeping his head down as he followed Mr. Anderson into the office’s reception area.   “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”

Glancing back up, he looked in front of him to see Mr. Anderson speaking to a woman seated at a small desk. The secretary, assumably. He didn’t pay attention to what they were saying, and instead bowed his head back down, beginning to repeat his prayer.

“Our Father, which art in Heaven....”

A loud bang sounded at the office window, followed by muted cackles. Connor ignored it, continuing on.

“...hallowed be thy name…”

Another bang, another cackle. Connor looked up this time, and behind him, to see two of his classmates pointing and mock-grinning at him before quickly taking off down the hall, disappearing before Mr. Anderson could turn around to see them--and by that measure, tell them to beat it.

A burning lump formed in Connor’s throat and he deeply inhaled, letting go of his crucifix. No. He would not cry (hadn’t they had enough was it never enough did they have to keep laughing at him was today not enough for them) , he wouldn’t let them watch him cry for a second time.

He was done being their channel for today, they could find another one to watch if they wanted to be entertained that badly.

The door to Principal Fowler’s own office opened a short moment afterwards, a girl with a long reddish-brown ponytail exiting alongside him. Connor recognized her, she sat two rows ahead of him in Chemistry. North Stahl was her name, unless he was confusing her for her sister again. He hadn’t even realized she had a sister until he’d seen them talking in the hall together, up until at that point he’d assumed they were the same person.

Now that he thought about it, he should’ve figured they were different people. Her sister was more likely than she was to wear her rich kid badge around the school, always hanging out with the best crowds and wearing the nicest clothes. You never would have picked North for one of the elites with how much of a polar opposite she was, the only thing that said her status was the fact she was part of Markus Manfred’s friend group.

She didn’t really seem the type to be friends with them, though some people had speculated the only reason she hung around him so much was because they were actually dating. It wasn’t official word and no one had ever asked them, the whole rumor had only started because someone had overheard him asking her to go to prom with him--after that, everyone began to say they were a shoo-in to win, and really, why wouldn’t they be? They were both popular, attractive, and from respectable families, everything that a perfect candidate should possess; presenting themselves as a handsome, idyllic couple, one whose photographs would be plastered all across the yearbook.

And for some reason, that thought agitated him.

“You’re lucky I’m letting you off with a warning this time, Ms. Stahl, but please--” North was rolling her eyes, arms crossed as Principal Fowler spoke to her. She was chewing on something, a piece of bubblegum. “You’ve got to quit letting me catch you wandering the halls when you’re supposed to be in your History class. This is getting out of hand.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever. My mom’ll just pay you to make sure I have good grades anyways.”

“I mean it. I find you out there another time today, then it’s detention for a week.”

“Sweet, gives me less of an excuse to go home and be a disappointment.” There was a loud pop, as the bubble she’d blown exploded in a burst of pink. Shrugging a camo-print backpack up her shoulders, she sucked her gum back into her mouth and started to head for the door, carelessly brushing past Connor and Mr. Anderson.

“Good talk, Jeff. I’ll be seeing you around.”

“You better not--” Principal Fowler started, but she’d already left before he had a chance to finish. His hand having been raised in warning, he heavily sighed as he let it drop back to his side.

“I’m so sorry about that, that’s the tenth time today she's been in here.” he explained. “If her mother wasn’t on the school board, I swear I’d…”

He stopped himself before continuing, rubbing at his temples.

“Anyways, my apologies for the wait. This way, please.”

Ushering them into his office, he stood back while Connor and Mr. Anderson entered, then shut the door behind him before heading over to the file cabinet behind his desk.

“Have a seat.” He offered curtly, beginning to file through several folders in the cabinet. Cradling his bag to his chest, Connor dropped into one of the two wooden chairs the principal had gestured to, while Mr. Anderson sat in the other.

Being in here made him nervous. It hadn’t been the first time and knowing his luck, it wouldn’t be the last either.

(but it’s not my fault this time it isn’t my fault why aren’t they in here instead of me)

“I um, suppose we’ll be needing this…” Principal Fowler pulled out an accident form from a blue folder, picking up a ballpoint pen out of the glass pencil holder on his desk as he came over to sit down. “I’m just gonna need a few signatures to--”

“Ah uh, no, we’re not gonna be needing that, Jeffrey.” Mr. Anderson interrupted him. “I just wanted to get your permission to send Connor home early...he uh, well, this has kinda been a bad day for him.”

“And? Everyone has bad days, I’m sure there’s no need--” Principal Fowler began to object, but stopped at the warning signal that had flashed in Mr. Anderson’s eyes. He glanced to Connor, noticing how flush his eyes and nose seemed to be. His chin stuck out, quivering slightly as he stared right through the principal, eyes nearly looking glazed over.

If that wasn’t visible evidence enough that he was having a bad day, then who knew what else was. Sighing, Principal Fowler pushed the accident form away and dropped his pen back into the pencil holder, reaching over to press a button on his intercom.

“Ms. Berces, would you bring a dismissal slip in here, please?” He released the button, then turned back to Mr. Anderson. “There’d better be a good reason for doing this. You know I don’t like sending students home on a whim, Hank.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know you don’t.” Mr. Anderson stated plainly, hands clasping in his lap as he leaned forward in his seat. “Which is why I wouldn’t have bothered askin’ ya if I didn’t have reason enough to. Trust me, this is needed.”

“If you say so.” Picking the accident form up, Principal Fowler scooted his chair back and got up to put it back in the filing cabinet. During this time, his secretary came in and handed over the dismissal slip he’d requested, and he went back to his desk, sitting down and retrieving his ballpoint pen from the holder.

“Well I do say so. Oh, and uh, Connor,” Mr. Anderson looked over to Connor, who'd been sitting in a trancelike state from the minute they'd sat down. “Don’t worry about coming to P.E. tomorrow, I'm excusing you for the rest of the week. I'll assign you some workouts to do at home, just um...just keep a journal and bring it to me when you come back next week, okay?”

Connor startled, glancing at his teacher with a quick nod. If he were being honest, he’d not even heard half of what had been said to him, having tuned out of the conversation a few minutes after it had started. All he’d heard was that he wouldn’t have to come back to P.E. until next week, and that was more than okay with him.

He’d be fine with not coming back for the rest of the semester, if you asked him to.

He’d be fine with not coming back at all.

Principal Fowler finished scrawling out his signature on the dismissal slip, setting his pen aside as he folded it over and handed it to Connor.

“There we go, just hand that in to Ms. Berces on your way out.” he said. “Would you um, like us to call your parents? So they can come pick you up, that is.”

“N-no, I don’t want--I mean--” Connor quickly shook his head as he snatched the slip from the principal, heart speeding up at the mention of his mother. “Mama’s at work, she can’t come right now. It’d--it’d be too much trouble--”

“Nonsense, I’m sure she can take the time to come get you--”

“No, please.” He shook his head again, almost crumpling the paper in his hand. “I--I don’t live that far, I can just walk back. You really don’t have to call her.”

Principal Fowler exchanged a puzzled glance with Mr. Anderson, who only shrugged.

“Why not, the fresh air might do him some good.”

“Fresh air? Hank, do you know how humid it is today--” Principal Fowler stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Nevermind, alright. If you think you’ll be fine, then you can walk, don’t let me stop you. But regardless, we still have to call your mother. She needs to know what happened.”

“What? No--no, she doesn’t, please.” Connor sat upright, the slip now completely crushed in his fist. “Please, she’ll have to come down here, I already told you--”

“Yes, I know what you told me, Connor. I know.” The principal held up his hands, sighing. He must’ve sighed so much today already, it was surprising he hadn’t run out of breath yet. “But, I suppose if it makes you feel better… I won’t bother asking her to come down here. I’ll just tell her, she at least needs to--”

“No, no--”  Connor jumped out of his seat, nearly dropping his bag in the process. He gathered it back up, arms shaking furiously, and he cast a destitute glance towards his teacher.  “Mr. Anderson, please, please don’t let him call her, she’ll be so upset with me!”

But Mr. Anderson could only look back at him with a helpless glance, shoulders falling into a slump as he leaned back in his seat.

“There’s...shit, there's really nothing I can do about it, Connor, I…” He trailed off, wringing his hands together. “It’s school policy, I’m sorry.”

“Precisely. And it isn’t as if you’re in trouble, at least not from what I’m gathering so far.” Principal Fowler turned towards his laptop, typing something out on the keyboard. “Your mother will have no reason to be angry with you, now if you’ll just--”

“I said no!”

Connor shrieked, suddenly and loudly, bag falling from his hands. Without warning, Principal Fowler’s desk was whisked across to the other side of the room, slamming hard enough into the wall to leave a visible dent. His glass pencil holder also shattered, causing bits of glass and almost every single pen and pencil in it to fall into a messy pile on the nylon rug covering the floor.

Mr. Anderson had jumped out of his chair at this, Principal Fowler recoiling back in shock. The two men stared first at the mess on the floor, then at the desk, then back to where Connor stood nearby, fists wound up tightly and bag laying a heap beside his feet.

He looked up with flustered eyes, glancing between them. But before either of them could say anything to him--whether they planned to scold him or question him, he didn’t want to find out-- he collected his bag and crumpled dismissal slip from where he’d dropped them, and quickly scurried out of the room and back into the main office.

Chapter Text

It took a couple of minutes to register what had just happened.

Hank had expected the kid to overreact to the idea of his mother being called, he sure as hell didn’t blame him. He knew he’d hated it whenever the principal had had to call his parents down over some trivial thing he’d done, everybody did. It meant a scolding on the way home and the revoking of certain privileges, such as television or going out with friends, hell he could even remember being forced to cancel a date once. 

But what about in Connor’s case? He honestly couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen when his mother was called. True, that what had happened wasn’t exactly his fault, but you’d think it was with the way he’d reacted. Why was he so sure he’d be punished for something he was the victim of, surely his mother couldn’t be that cruel, could she?

Yes. She could. Something told him that she definitely could.

Deciding that wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now, Hank turned back to Jeffrey, who had plucked a couple of notecards from the now-scattered stack on his desk, and had begun to sweep up the broken bits of glass on the floor.

“I...don’t…were we due for an earthquake?” he wondered out loud.

“Hell if I know, guess we’ll find out later if the buses are in the ditch.” Jeffrey winced, having pricked his thumb on some of the glass bits. “Honestly, I gotta wonder if this whole school ain’t just fallin’ apart sometimes…”

“If it is, it’s yer own damn fault.” Hank huffed, moving to set the fallen chairs back into place. “What else are you doin’ with that money the parents give ya, you might as well be doing something useful with it.”

“And I told you plenty of times already, that’s not just something we can do right away.” Jeffrey deposited the glass bits into a trash can that had surprisingly not been knocked over during the explosion. “I would much rather like to discuss it with the entire staff.”

He brushed his hands off, going over to where his desk remained slammed into the wall. Hank sat the other chair up, and went over to help him pull it back into place.

“Well, I’m here right now. What’s stoppin’ ya from discussing it with me?”

“Because it’s just you, Hank.” Both men each grabbed onto an opposite side of the large desk, a large crack revealing itself in the green paint as they hauled it back. “And quite frankly, the only thing I want to discuss with you right now is Connor Stern, and what the hell is going on with him.”

“Your guess is as good as mine, Jeff, you know the kid’s a bit of a basketcase--”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Jeffrey stepped back from the desk, turning to pull his chair back over to it. “I just want to know what’s going on with him today, you weren’t exactly very clear over the phone what happened. That’s why I assumed you’d be needing an accident form.”

“Well, you assumed wrong. Christ, Jeffrey,” Hank dropped back into the chair he’d been sitting in before--or maybe it’d been Connor’s chair. He couldn’t tell, they’d both gone in different directions when the desk debacle happened. “Do you just always assume I need one of those anytime I come down here?”

“Not always. Only when Connor Stern is involved.” Jeffrey stated, pulling a small drawer open. He nursed his nicked thumb, keeping it curled up until he pulled out a box of bandaids from the drawer. “Now do you mind telling me what exactly happened, and am I going to have to call anyone else’s parents?”

“You’d better, or else I will. God knows I have a few choice words for ‘em…” Hank grumbled, hunkering over in his seat. “Shit, Jeffrey, you should’ve seen it. They were all screamin’ and throwin’ things like it was a fucking pep rally or something--actually, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them that lively at a pep rally before.”

“That’s nothing new, Stern’s been their doormat for years.” The principal mused, wrapping a band aid around his thumb.  “But I’m still not seeing what could’ve been bad enough that you had to have him excused--”

“No, Jeff, listen. He was having an erection .”

Jeffrey stopped. His face went pale as he looked back up to Hank.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me correctly. He was erect, right there in the goddamn showers.” Hank almost shuddered at the memory. Connor’s ungodly screaming, the way he’d been thrashing around like he was an animal about to be taken to the slaughter. It was a sight that was sure to haunt him in his dreams for the entire week.

“I...oh. Oh, Jesus…” Jeffrey fumbled with the band aid box, as he tried to put it back. “I don’t um...that’s…how?”

“Fuck, you and I were in the same sex ed class, Jeffrey, you tell me.”

At this, Jeffrey went even paler and hastily shoved the box away, nearly crumpling it as he shut the drawer. He clasped his hands together atop the desk, though Hank could see that his thumbs were visibly twitching.

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to process, uh…” He swallowed hard, clearing his throat. “And the other boys, they...you said they were throwing things at him?”

“Oh, throwin’ things, mockin’ him, you name it and they were doing it.” Hank muttered, crossing his arms. “Gavin Reed even had his friends hanging onto him while he sprayed cold water at him...biggest fuckin’ shitshow I’ve seen in my entire life, I swear--”

He stopped himself, sighing heavily.

“And you know what the worst part is...I don’t think that poor kid had any fucking clue about what was going with him.” he said. “He thought...shit, he thought he was dying, Jeff. He actually thought he was dying, I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”

“Wouldn’t you think, he uh--”

“He would know something about it by now? Yeah, I thought so too.” Hank absentmindedly tugged at one of the strings dangling from his hoodie. “But then I remembered who his mom was and then it all made sense, y’know?”

“Mm...wait, hold on--” Jeffrey had noticed the band aid box was still sticking out, and deftly pushed it back down, which allowed the drawer to slide shut. “If she’s who I’m thinking then...yes, I think I understand now. Amanda Stern, right?”

Hank nodded.

“Well, then that certainly explains a lot.” Jeffrey leaned back in his seat, shaking his head. His fingers were steepled together. “I remember when she came down here and tried to have Connor excused from attending Mrs. Phillips’ class, and all because they were learning about Darwin’s theory of evolution….no, I wouldn’t relive that day for all the money in the world.”

His face overtook a sullen expression, and he sat back up, pulling his seat up to his desk and retrieving his laptop, which had thankfully not been one of the casualties of...whatever it was that had happened.

“Heh, yeah. Don’t forget the time she came down on us for hosting that safe sex seminar last year.” The string Hank had been tugging at came undone as he let it go, falling into his lap. “Forget that it was required for all students to attend...god it’s no fuckin’ wonder Connor didn’t know what an erection was. I bet she never even let him attend sex ed in the first place.”

“I’d believe it.” Jeffrey opened his laptop back up. “But even so, I’m afraid it isn’t our place to question other people’s beliefs.”

“I know, but--”

“But nothing. What they believe--who they worship, that’s their own business. I have half a mind to stay out of it, and for God’s sake--” He cut off Hank, who’d just opened his mouth to protest.  “....actually, no. For your own sake, I advise you to the same.”

Picking up another notecard, he placed it next to his laptop and retrieved one of the ballpoint pens he’d gathered while cleaning up the mess of glass.

“In the meantime, if you can remember them,” he said, clicking the pen with his injured thumb. “I’d like you to tell me who exactly was involved in this ah...this incident, today. So I know who else’s parents I need to inform...you mentioned Gavin Reed as one, correct?”

“Yup. He was at the front of it, as usual.” Hank crossed his legs, not even noticing the fallen string from his hoodie. “Him and his usual gang of Michael Graham and Leo Manfred...and there was also uh, let’s see..Harry Grayton and um, Jason Graff, Dennis Ward...come to think of it was pretty much everyone in my entire class, unless some of them had left already.”

He paused, recalling his spotting of Markus and his friends in the crowd.

“Oh yeah, and you’re not gonna believe this, but…” He sat up, uncrossing his legs. “Markus Manfred was there too.”

“Markus?” Jeffrey’s brow creased as he glanced up at Hank from the notecard he was writing on. “That doesn’t sound like him at all, are you sure?”

“Positive. I mean, he wasn’t really doing anything but, he was in the crowd so...figured I should mention him anyways. I dunno.”

“And did you get a chance to talk to any of them? The crowd, I mean.”

“No. The class bell was ringin’ and I was too pissed to even think straight.” Hank shook his head, exhaling as he rubbed at his eyes. “God, I...ugh. I just needed them to leave, or else I was never gonna get that kid calmed down.”

“Oh, I see…” Jeffrey finished writing, and out of usual instinct, tried to place his pen back into the now non-existent pencil holder. He did, however, soon realize his error and sat it down beside his laptop, turning back to Hank. “I hope you’ll talk to them later, then. I’m already gonna have enough on my plate with their parents, so as much as I hate to say this...their punishment is up to you.”

Hank almost snorted. He knew Jeffrey hated giving him permission to deal with students, in most cases when stuff like this happened, he would push Hank aside and deal with it himself. But, provided that this was a bit of a...tedious situation, it wasn’t like he had much choice. Being principal meant he could do a lot of things, but not everything.

“Don’t worry, Jeffrey, I won’t kill ‘em.” He promised, pushing himself out of the chair. “I mean they might to visit the nurse’s office after I’m done, but….”

“Hank.”

“Hey, relax, I’m kidding.” Hank held his hands up in defense, just now noticing the broken string from his hoodie as it fell from his lap. He stooped over and scooped it back up, shoving it into his pocket. “You could make a novel out of how many disciplinary warnings I’ve gotten, I’m not plannin’ on getting another one right now.”

“I should hope not, I’m running out of reasons to forbid the school board from firing you.” Jeffrey typed something in on his laptop, picking up the notecard and briefly squinting at it before going back to typing. “I’m not saying you can’t be stern with those boys, just...don’t do anything too brash to them. I don’t wanna have to call their parents again after this.”

“You won’t have to, I promise.” Hank reassured Jeffrey as he headed for the door. “Hold me to it if you will, most I’ll probably do is make ‘em wet themselves.”

He gave the knob a twist, pushing the door open.

“Oh and uh, by the way, a light bulb broke, uh, down in the showers. Just thought I’d tell ya before I forgot.”

“Jesus...alright, I’ll send someone to fix it as soon as I can.” Jeffrey sighed as he picked the phone up from its receiver, sparing a quick glance back to his laptop. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.”

With that, Hank left the room, debating on his way out if he should go peruse his whiskey flask now. Not that his headache from earlier was still bothering him, he just really needed a drink after the conversation he’d just had.

To him, it was far too late in the school year to be dealing with this kind of shit, and as much as part of him was dreading having to come up with a punishment for his class...he had to admit that he was also kind of looking forward to it. These trust fund brats had had it coming for a long time now, especially after all the painstaking semesters he’d spent having to constantly corral and referee them.

Whatever he decided on was going to be nothing short of karma for them all, that much he knew...what he didn’t know, was what sort of karma. He supposed that was something he could figure out later.

Right now, there was a whiskey flask that was calling his name.

Connor had run immediately to the boys’ restroom following his outburst in Principal Fowler’s office, although he wasn’t for sure as to why. To collect himself, perhaps, provided his currently distressed state of mind. Or to just prolong the inevitable of going home, and waiting around for what he thought of as “Judgement Day”, aka Mama coming home from work.

Could it possibly be both of these things?

Mama said it was a sin to wallow in your own misery and prolong the judgement of your own actions. It was what he was doing right now and while he definitely didn’t feel good doing it, he also didn’t feel good to walk home as of right now. The restroom was practically empty, save for himself and the one lone spider that was crawling around on a cobweb in the stall he’d been sitting in for the past twelve minutes.

The tears had threatened to come back. His throat was burning again, and he could already feel the urge to start reciting the Lord’s Prayer. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so, he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think.

His mind was at a crossroads and he didn’t know what to do.

He thought to pray, ask God to help him decide, but figured God had already had enough of his beseeching today. Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to magically appear in the guise of a burning bush right here in the bathroom just to give Connor the answer he wanted...no, he couldn’t be bothered to do that at all, could he?

Or it was possible that he could simply be asking too much, and had done so too many times. Whatever cards (the lord is gracious and full of compassion but where is it for me i wanna know)   he’d had with God had run out and he was on his own now. He had to be the one to decide if he wanted to continue hiding and possibly risk the chance of someone coming in here and finding him--or if he wanted to leave before the next bell rang.

Connor decided ultimately that the latter option would preferrable, as he didn’t want anything else to happen that would warrant another trip back to Principal Fowler’s office and even more bad things to tell Mama Amanda.

He didn’t need that. He didn’t want that.

The spider had begun to crawl its way over to Connor’s bag as he retrieved it from the floor, slinging it across his shoulder. It scurried quickly back to the safety of its web, while he pushed the stall door slightly ajar to peek out of. No one was in sight, and no one would be for the next few minutes.

The bell hadn’t rung yet, either.

Connor exited the bathroom, heading out into the primarily empty hallway. Any of the lingering students who’d been hanging around were gone now, probably having left for some other classes. There was no around to hassle him while he went to get the rest of his things, which he hurriedly retrieved without much effort. Chemistry books, History books, Math, Art…condoms? Condoms?

There were condoms in his locker.

There were...there were goddamn wrapped condoms, falling in a piled heap from where he’d moved his Biology textbook. For a moment, he could only stand there, frozen, as he stared down at them. Hands shook, fists clenching. Body tightening. A red flush on his face.

He glanced up, to the side of his locker door where even more Bible verses and Jack Chick comics were taped. Only, unlike the ones in the locker room, these were covered by a large sheet of notebook paper. On this paper were red letters, big red letters, that Connor didn’t want to read. He knew what it said, and he refused to read it, refused to even look at it.

A snicker sounded from behind him and he glanced around just in time to see the same two boys who’d scared him at the principal’s office. They looked ready to burst into complete laughter, probably would have if it weren’t the fact they were obviously cutting class and were trying to be discrete about it.

The red flush on Connor’s face deepened even further, as he tore the note off and crumpled it up, throwing it into a nearby trash can. The boys kept snickering at him, and the bell was beginning to ring now. He had to leave. He had to leave, he couldn’t stay here and let everyone see him like this.

And that’s what he did.

Slamming his locker door shut, Connor slid his bag back up his shoulder and walked out of the school building, footsteps pounding furiously against the vinyl tile until the tile transitioned into concrete, and he was outside.

Mr. Anderson had said the fresh air might do him some good, but he couldn’t say that it was helping things. At the very least he was alone, and away from everyone and everything. Well, almost everything. Despite the warning from Principal Fowler, it looked like North was skipping class again, and was seated cozily at a large bronze sculpture of an eagle in flight.

She looked up at Connor as he passed her by, his footsteps having been loud enough to interrupt whatever it was she was listening to on her phone. But he chose not to pay her any mind and kept going, keeping his head down as he continued to walk.

He’d stop at a crosswalk here and there, to wait his turn. And with each stop, he would stare at the sidewalk, observing the content that littered it.

A trail of ants, carrying crumbs of bread, maybe a cookie.

Empty soda cans, candy wrappers.

A few pennies, some quarters.

Cigarette butts, chewed up wads of pink gum--the first of these he’d spotted after exiting the school, no doubt courtesy of North--and many, many plastic bottle caps. He kicked at one of these caps, hand resting on the strap of his bag as he waited for the tiny orange hand on the crosswalk sign to go away.

This was another involuntary habit that he’d picked up, noticing and observing the tiniest of details. It distracted him, helped him when he felt too flustered to pray, and when the angry thoughts were too much.

He knew better than to keep them around, he should snuff them out, he should, Mama would tell him to. She would say to ask for forgiveness and to allow God control of his thoughts.

But he didn’t want to. He couldn’t, and it wasn’t fair. It was easier for Mama, she wasn’t the one having to spend half her days amongst oppressors and tormentors. She didn’t have everyone pointing fingers, or mocking, or jesting.

How? How could she tell him to ask for forgiveness when he wasn’t the one who needed it? He wouldn’t forgive them anyways, he’d spent too long turning the other cheek and quite frankly, they didn’t deserve it. Mama kept saying Judgement Day was coming soon, hadn’t she? She had, she’d said an angel with a sword would descend from Heaven and would punish those whom God found unworthy.

Why couldn’t it have been today?

Why couldn’t that angel have come now, and punished everyone?

It could be his fault, maybe God had changed His mind after all of Connor’s constant prayers and cries, and decided that it just wasn’t worth it anymore.

Still, he wished that angel would come. It was bad enough, having to walk home with everything that that traumatic moment in the showers had brought him, but he couldn’t brush it off. This wasn’t like those other times, as awful as those had been, they were nothing compared to what he’d had to through today.

The boys in the hall, at the principal’s office, snickering at him. Principal Fowler wanting to call his mother. Gavin Reed spraying cold water at him, Michael Graham and Leo Manfred holding him back. The rest of his classmates, standing and watching, and doing absolutely nothing ...nothing than what they usually did, that was. This had been the worst though, and that was saying a lot considering everything else they’d done.

Was it never good enough for them?

Connor knew he didn’t fit in, but he’d tried to, oh god how he had tried. He’d tried from the day everyone had laughed at him when he knelt down to pray over his lunch. Mama had made him promise to be a witness to the other kids, she’d made him promise this the very first day he’d gone to school. She’d given him tracts to hand out, and had carefully instructed him on what to say.

He didn’t do those things anymore though. He didn’t hand out tracts, he didn’t witness to anyone, and mainly kept quiet. He’d quit kneeling to pray, instead uttering a small prayer in his head before eating. The time his desk had been pulled out from underneath him, he’d laughed alongside everyone else, just as he’d laughed when he’d fallen off the tube at summer camp, which itself had been something Mama had been dead set against him not going to.

So many times. So many times he had tried to go against what she said and wanted, and it was all for naught. She didn’t even know he showered at school, even if she’d told him many times over not to. And he knew the thoughts, he knew the sins that could tempt him should he choose to allow them. He’d been careful, oh he’d been so careful…

But then, today had happened. Today, he let himself stare. He let himself stare at Markus Manfred, and he’d let those sinful thoughts into his mind.

And he’d liked them. For a fleeting moment, he’d liked those thoughts, and then the throbbing had started. He hadn’t liked the throbbing. Mr. Anderson had hastily tried to explain to him that it was perfectly normal for his body to be behaving that way, that it was what happened when men were... aroused.

Connor wasn’t certain he liked that word very much. Mr. Anderson hadn’t sounded all too keen in saying it either, like it was just as awkward for him as it was for Connor.

“It means uh...it means that you’re um, attracted to something...or someone. That’s all…” he’d said, and he hadn’t said anything else after that. After that had been when Connor had begun to utter the Lord’s Prayer. It bothered him what Mr. Anderson had said, it bothered him now when he remembered it.

Attracted. Aroused. At the sight of...no, it wasn’t his doing. It was the sinful thoughts of lust, that was all. Mama had lectured him on Sodom and Gomorrah enough times for him to know.

The little orange hand on the crosswalk had at last gone away, and the lights were red, allowing Connor to finally cross the street. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been walking, until he lifted his head to see row to row houses in place of the more formal buildings he’d been walking past.

His head went back down. He continued to walk, his own home was still several blocks down so there was no point to stopping. Ahead of him, on the sidewalk, little Zoe Fern was engaged in a game of hopscotch. She’d hopped all the way to the furthest number and was about to turn around and retrieve the rock she’d thrown, when she spotted Connor walking in her direction.

She dropped her rock, waving eagerly.

“Connor! Connor, come play with me!”

But Connor didn’t stop, or even acknowledge that she’d spoken to him. He kept walking on, past her pail of chalk and over her sloppily drawn hopscotch board. She gasped, face scrunching up as she turned about and spat her tongue out at him.

“Boo! Stiff neck!”

Stiff neck. ‘Ole Stiff Neck Stern wants our help.

Connor whirled around, the anger he’d had stirring in his veins coming to a boiling point. Of course, Zoe hadn’t known any better when she’d insulted him; she was only an impressionable seven year old, and was bound to repeat things she heard her parents say...which, when it came to Connor and his mother, were never nice things.

She’d been bending back over to pick her rock up before he turned around, but it ended up flying up and hitting her right in the face, causing her to fall back with a small cry. Whimpering, she pressed her hand to the red indent left by the rock and fled back into her own front yard, crying out for her mother.

Connor watched her leave, eyes then slowly drifting downwards to the rock. He took a step towards it, watching it intently as if he expected it to move again. He didn’t know how it had moved in the first place, but….he wondered…he wondered if…

No.

No, no more wondering. He’d let himself do enough of that today.

Zoe’s cries were still very much loud and audible from nearby, but he barely heard them as he turned away from her hopscotch board and had begun to walk back down the street.

Chapter Text

The sounds of Tina Turner were abruptly cut off as Audra Manfred pulled her car up to a stop. Taking the keys out of the ignition, she placed them into her jacket pocket and picked up the unfinished iced latte that had slowly been melting in the cupholder.

She’d not meant to let it melt, in fact she’d been intent on finishing it before she arrived. It felt like a waste of money to have bought it and hardly taken any sips out of it, but it had been the last thing on her mind for the entire drive. One small sip had been all she managed before her cellphone had rang, and she’d pulled it out of her purse to find that the high school was calling her.

Her first thought was Leo. Ever since he’d started hanging out with the likes of that Gavin Reed boy, he’d been in the principal’s office more times than she and his father liked to count--that having been the routine since the sixth grade. She dreaded to think of what it could possibly be this time; had he been skipping class again? Or had they found something questionable in his backpack?

Or was it both?

Audra almost didn’t want to find out, but knew she’d chide herself later if she didn’t. So, repressing the urge to let out a heavy sigh, she’d answered the phone and prepared herself for the worst. But with even with that preparation, she couldn’t quite say she was prepared at all when Principal Fowler told her what had happened.

Both.

Both of her sons, involved in the humiliation of a fellow student. Sending him to the point of absolute hysterics.

That was when she’d sat her latte down and forgotten about it. That was why she hadn’t taken any more sips since leaving the coffee shop. She’d gotten off the phone with Principal Fowler just a few short minutes ago, but she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, had barely been able to focus on her own driving.

She’d expected this from Leo, he’d been a troublemaker since he was eight years old. But Markus...no, she’d not been expecting this kind of behavior from Markus. Even though Principal Fowler had reassured her that he hadn’t actually been actively assisting in provoking the incident; that is, he’d merely been a spectator amongst the crowd. Regardless, it still didn’t seem like him to just stand back and watch while another person got pushed around. Hell, she could remember him barely being nine years old and getting beat up by another kid at soccer practice, all because they’d been making fun of Josh Thompson’s haircut and he’d decided to stand up for him.

Now, even as a kid Markus had been pretty easy-going, so it’d rattled Audra when she’d come back from the bathroom to find him sprawled out on the grass, the bigger and much more imposing teammate on top of him and throwing punches like there was no tomorrow. How the coach hadn’t noticed this happening was something she still couldn’t figure out, but thankfully, she’d been able to get his attention before someone ended up with a broken bone. The only injuries that had been sustained were a black eye and cut cheek Markus had received from his teammate, which had only required a trip back to the van and some attention from the emergency first aid kit Audra always kept packed in the glovebox.

She remembered asking him about what had happened, amazed even now as she recalled how he’d barely flinched while she applied antiseptic to his cut. She’d been prepared to scold him, launching into the tirade of how violence was never the answer and a lot of other crap she and his father had tirelessly told him and Leo.

“But Mom, I didn’t fight him.”

This had caught Audra off-guard. Anything she’d been trying to say dissipated, and her mouth had hung open for a split second.

Such a little detail to remember from a long ago memory.

Apparently, what had really happened was that Markus had only stepped between the bully and Josh, politely asking them to leave Josh alone. The bully hadn’t done so, and thus, Markus had repeated himself twice, which was why he’d been on the ground getting beat up when Audra had come back.

That was the day she realized just how proud of him she was. With the way he hadn’t seemed to care at all that he’d been hurt and only asking about Josh’s well being, she’d known that he was going to grow up to be quite the selfless young man.

And he had. He’d grown so selfless, and so fast, she almost couldn’t believe how long ago that day at the park had been. Since then, he’d gotten himself several black eyes (in someone else’s defense), and was actively involved in his friends’ lives as well as school activities. She couldn’t count the amount of times she’d found him up late at night, talking with one of them over Skype, and all because they were having a problem with something.

Something that didn’t have to be his business, but he allowed it to be, just as he’d allowed bullies and troublemakers to be his business...which was was the precise reason why she was having trouble wrapping her head around the idea that he’d be nothing but a bystander in this scenario.

It couldn’t be...because of who the student was, could it? Audra couldn’t say she knew Connor Stern all that well, but she knew his mother and that was all she needed to know why the boys had been picking on him. Leo had never had much in the way of kind words while talking about him, but Markus hadn’t really ever said anything, only a bit here and there.

Nothing negative, but it hadn’t been anything positive either. Nothing in Connor’s defense.

Because of that, it was hard to tell why he was standing and watching with the crowd. No conclusion of any kind had been reached during the drive, and all Audra was left with now was her melting latte.

Looking at it now, she wondered briefly if it was worth it to try taking a sip, but decided against it. While she’d been momentarily concerned about the waste of money, she had other pressing issues that were of more concern than that. One was figuring out what to do regarding the school’s phone call, and the other was picking up her husband’s suit from the dry cleaners.

Best to just focus on one thing at a time, even if the phone call was the more pressing issue, it would unfortunately have to wait for later. Carl was leaving to meet with his clients in less than an hour and that was all the time she had to get his suit back home.

Sighing, she sat her latte back down and pulled her purse into her lap, digging through it to locate her laundry ticket, which she then folded back up and slid into her pocket. Better to have this out now before she got inside, too many times had she held up a long line just from digging through her purse, and she’d prefer to avoid that provided the hurry she was in.

She stepped out of the car, pressing the lock button on the keys a couple of times until the car horn beeped, and headed around the vehicle, walking over to the building. A cheerful jingle sounded from the bell as she pushed the door open, nostrils being greeted with that ever familiar scent of soap and fresh, clean clothes as she stepped inside. It was one of the more older businesses in town, you could tell by the age-old tile on the floor and the chipped paint peeling off the walls.  

Carl had constantly told her they could afford to take their laundry to better places, but she didn’t care to. This place had always held a strong sense of familiarity to her, especially since she’d been coming here since Markus was little. There was no point in stopping now, all because she had a bit of money to spend.

Besides, who wanted to blow a lot of cash on their dry cleaning, anyways, when there were more important things in life?

Audra walked up to the register, reaching back into her pocket for her laundry ticket. She dug it out, looking back up only to be greeted by a “gone to lunch” note that had been clipped to one of those drinking bird toys. Sighing, she pressed her hands onto the counter, which creaked slightly from the pressure, and leaned across best she could.

“Hello?”

She was barely able to see anything past the tall racks of plastic-wrapped clothing, but could hear the faint sound of a sewing machine clacking from the back room, which told her that there was someone still here. It didn’t sound like whoever that was was on their lunch break, and was probably taking the time given by such a break to get extra work done before any customers came back.

Well if that were it, Audra certainly hated to interrupt them, but a glance to the clock told her she only had forty-five minutes to get Carl’s suit back home. Leaning off the counter, she stepped back from it and after considering it for a moment, rang the small silver bell placed next to the drinking bird.

“Hello? Anyone here?” she called out again, receiving nothing but the continuous clicking and clacking of the sewing machine. “Hello?”

She rang the bell a second time, tapping her fingers against the counter. Nothing. A third time. The sewing machine stopped, and a pair of footsteps exited the back room, coming out to greet Audra. She felt her throat go dry at the sight of Amanda Stern’s cool, pleasant expression as she stepped up to the register, immediately thinking back to the phone call she’d received just a few short minutes ago.

As many times as she’d come to this place, she’d forgotten Connor’s mother worked here. Maybe because she’d always made it a point to come on days where she either wasn’t working or was stuck in the back. Not because she couldn’t stand the woman, but...well, she wasn’t exactly someone you could hold a nice conversation with. Any pleasantries almost always devolved into something involving God or sinning.

“Mrs. Manfred, good afternoon.” She folded her hands together atop the counter,  long, flowing sleeves billowing behind her as she did so.“My apologies, I couldn’t hear you over the sewing machine. It makes such a terrible racket sometimes.”

“Oh, Mrs. Stern--” she stammered, mustering a courteous smile.  “It’s alright, um, I’m sorry if I was interrupting you from your work, I--”

“Oh no, it’s nothing I simply can’t return to later.” Amanda interrupted, returning the smile which...came off just a bit more forced than Audra’s. “Now, what can I do for you?”

“I...um..” Audra unfolded her laundry ticket, which she'd unintentionally crumpled. “Just a pick up, thank you.”

She handed it to Amanda, who briefly looked it over before heading over to one of the clothing racks, which she began to file through. Audra watched her, cautiously, wondering if the school had called her yet. They had to have, Connor was her son and the victim of the whole incident, she should’ve been the first person they called.

Unless they wanted to get the perpetrators out of the way first, that was. If that was the case, then she should probably keep quiet about it. She didn’t want to be the person who had to tell Amanda Stern that her son had gotten an erection in the high school showers...no, she wouldn’t even wish that task on her worst enemy.

“Ah, here we are.” A chink, and Amanda removed Carl’s suit from the rack, folding it over her arm as she returned to the counter. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but this was due to be picked up tomorrow, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, well,” Audra chuckled, best she could without sounding uneasy. She reached to take the suit as Amanda handed it to her. “That was the plan, until Carl’s clients decided last minute that they wanted to meet with him today. I guess you can’t predict these kinds of things, huh?”

“Certainly not. Only God can predict the days, Mrs. Manfred, it isn’t our place to.” Oop, there it was. That hadn’t taken long. And oh how quickly the look on her face had changed, her smile was less than pleasant now and there was a flash of something dark in her eyes. “All we can do is take each day as He sees fit.”

“Yes...of course...” Audra lowered her gaze, looking over the suit she held. “Of course. I was just saying--”

“Indeed, and what godless days these are becoming as well.” Amanda interrupted with a hum, unclasping her hands. Audra glanced back up at her. “I’ve seen more and more revelry outside this very building than you could ever believe, Mrs. Manfred. Our youth have been led so far astray, I fear it is a sure sign that the end times are at hand.”

“Or...it could just be kids being kids, you never know…” Audra had spoken quietly under her breath, nearly thanking her lucky stars when it looked like Amanda hadn’t heard her. Instead, she’d turned and with a flourish of her skirt, had left for the back room.

Now, Audra knew that from the few social interactions she’d had with Amanda that the woman had a habit to take every social interaction as an opportunity to witness. She could even vaguely remember her coming to a PTA meeting armed with gospel tracts and trying to peddle them off onto the teachers. One of them had joked she must have an endless stash of these things piled up back at home, which Audra wouldn’t have believed if it weren’t for the fact that she always had one ready at any given moment.

Which was why she wasn’t too surprised to see such a booklet clasped in her hands as she emerged from the back room, an unnervingly calm smile spread across her features.

“I believe this may be of interest to you and your husband.” she said, practically shoving the booklet into the one unwilling hand of Audra’s that wasn’t holding the suit. “It’s the first in a series; ‘The Young Person’s Guide to Redemption Thru Salvation’, by the Reverend G. Penwick. I want you to have it, for your sons’ sakes.”

“Oh...oh no, thank you, but I don’t think we need it--” Shaking her head politely, Audra attempted to hand the booklet back to Amanda, only have to it pressed back into her grasp.

“Oh but please, I insist. Think of your children, the path they are headed down. Don’t you want some reassurance they’ll be well prepared for the end times?”

“Well I--yes, but I mean--” Was there a chance? Was there a chance she already knew what had happened? She hadn’t said anything about it so far, but it wasn’t like Amanda Stern to outright say when there was a problem. She felt more like the type who would drop hints until whoever they were talking to ended up crumbling under pressure. “I doubt they’ll be very interested--”

“Oh, their interest isn’t a concern. What’s a concern--” For a second time, Amanda pressed the booklet back, with a little more force than before. “Is their eternal salvation, Mrs. Manfred. It’s important they realize the errors of their ways before it is too late.”

“Mrs. Stern--” Audra stopped resisting, realizing how pointless such a thing was. She’d seen Amanda harass a fellow parent right out the door once, and all because she’d spotted them taking a smoke. “Really, it’s alright. Markus and Leo are both really good kids, I…”

Her mind flashed back to the phone call with Principal Fowler. Leo partaking in the humiliation, Markus standing by and watching. Doing nothing, saying nothing until asked.

(Good kids, my ass.)

“If…” Mentioning this now was such a risk. It was, but she was seeing no other way to escape this conversation. She now only had thirty minutes to get Carl’s suit to him in time. “I mean, if this is because of what happened at the school today, I can assure you that I’m very sorry for it and I promise I’ll talk to both--”

“School? What do you mean?” Any pleasantries slipped Amanda’s expression, and her brows had furrowed together in deep confusion. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about…”

“I--you mean they haven’t called you yet?”

Before Amanda could respond, her boss, a short, chubby man in his mid-50s, leaned out of the break room. He held the work phone in one hand, the other hanging onto the doorknob which had been left somewhat open.

“Hey, Amanda. You got a phone call, guy says he’s from the high school.”

Hell had surely frozen over with the look Amanda had on her face as she glanced back from her boss, to Audra. Neither woman said a word to the other, only exchanging looks that were as heavy with tension as they were unease.

So….she hadn’t known after all. This whole time...she’d just been going on with her usual bullshit.

And Audra had just shot herself in the foot by bringing it up. Right before the phone call on top of that, oh that was just the icing on the cake wasn’t it?

Maybe this was her cue to leave.

Hastily, she regathered the sliding suit bag into her arms and slid the booklet into her purse. It wasn’t two minutes before she’d left the building and fled back out to her car, not daring to spare another look towards Amanda. Even if she’d probably answered the phone by now, she wasn’t going to risk it.

Because she knew, after Amanda had spoken with Principal Fowler and found out what had happened, it would mean twice the amount of booklets and tracts she usually carried with her. Which also meant that she would have to take Carl’s advice and find a new place to take their dry cleaning, much as she didn’t care for the idea.

She’d been going to this place for so long, it would be so petty to stop all because of some bad blood. And this wasn’t even the first time Amanda had been called over some incident regarding Connor, who was to say things would be any more tense on her next visit?

But then...with the way Principal Fowler had worded it, those incidents hadn’t been half as bad as this one had been. Not half as bad at all…which meant that the aftermath could only end up a lot worse. How would Amanda react to the news of her precious Connor popping a boner in the showers...better yet, what would she have to say about those responsible?

Audra didn’t want to reflect on it, but it was still weighing heavily on her mind, even after she’d gotten into her car and driven away.

The clock’s hollow ticking made the room sound so much more empty than it really was.

Connor sat at the kitchen table, Biology textbook spread open in front of him. He hadn’t quite known what to do when he'd first gotten home, as Mama was still at work and it wasn’t quite time for judgement yet. He at first thought he should go ahead and get it over with himself, to go over the altar and begin praying for forgiveness, to go over the verses in his own Bible. That way, when she got home, he could tell her he’d repented. He’d tell her, and she wouldn’t have to lecture him, or make him pray.

She wouldn’t send him off to... that place.

That place...that dark room, it might have been a pantry a long time ago, he didn’t know—but now there was a large alabaster crucifix hanging over it, and a needlepoint with Acts 3:19 stitched into it had been nailed into the door which had been painted over with an ugly shade of brown.

This marked the entrance of the Room of Repentance. It sat menacingly across from Connor, visible from where he sat at the table. The door was shut now, but he knew what was beyond it. He’d been in there enough to have the layout practically memorized by now, so much so that he would always receive a vivid flash of its imagery in his mind anytime he so much as had a bad thought.

He could see it all now, despite trying to focus on his schoolwork. The words swam on the page, vision clouded with tiny black dots that danced around in the text. Yes, he could see it very clearly, he could probably tell you exactly what was in there, without even opening the door.

To start, there was one single light that hung from the ceiling, fixed with a lightbulb that was almost near death.  A second crucifix, alabaster like the first but smaller and crueller, was nailed to the wall. There remained one shelf from the others that been removed, a lace-trimmed cloth draped across it. Another one of Mama’s Bibles, one she’d marked specifically with verses involving repentance and forgiveness. A copy of Jonathan Edwards’ sermon, “Surprised by God’s Judgement” stood in a frame next to the Bible, melting wax candles sat before it.

What he tended to recollect the most vividly, though, were the pictures plastered to the walls. They were examples, Mama Amanda had said, of what happened when sinners didn’t repent and beg for God’s mercy. Connor had used to (and still did sometimes) have nightmares because of these pictures, one in particular being that of the Noah’s Ark one. Faces...so many faces in anguish, clinging to rocks, crying out, pleading in vain to be let aboard the very boat they had mocked and teased Noah for building. Such a sight had stuck with him for a long time, and so once, he’d set out to ask Mama why Noah wouldn’t just let the people onto the boat with him. She’d told him that it was because they had refused to repent and refused to acknowledge their sins. It had been too late for them, and God had seen fit to let them suffer and perish.

“But it was in His plan, you see,” she’d explained, while young Connor had sat at her feet, listening with horrified interest. “He chose to wipe the Earth clean, save for His select few with which the world would be started anew. And someday, when He comes back...He will send his angel to do the same. To purge the world and cleanse it of sinners, once more, and the pure will remain to do His will.”

That had been the first time she’d ever mentioned Judgement Day to him.

And he hadn’t been able to get it off his mind ever since.

Funny how he had harked back to that conversation today, after all that happened and all that he was contemplating. Noah had been mocked at and spat upon by people, all for doing what God had told him. And then they’d been punished. Who was to say the same couldn’t happen to his peers?

The thought intrigued him.

The black dots were fading from his vision now, and he had to blink several times over before they’d gone. Tearing his eyes from the book, he turned his gaze up towards the clock on the wall, which now read 3:15….3:16...3:17. Mama worked from 9 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon, it wouldn’t be too much longer before she came home.

He still had time to pray, he did. He’d decided against doing it right away, deciding to instead use his time to get schoolwork done. It wasn’t like he had much else to do, since they didn’t have a television—save for the one small one Mama would sometimes bring out to play VCR tapes of some of her favorite sermons on, and she would know if he’d touched it without her permission--and he didn’t have a computer or phone to waste any time on.

The schoolwork had really been his only option, as far as occupying his mind and time went. He could’ve prayed first, read the verses first, but...he hadn’t wanted to. Not when he hadn’t done anything wrong, not when he wasn’t even sure he was sorry for...entertaining those impure ideas that had entered his head.

He wasn’t sure at all. He wasn’t sure...he wanted to be sorry, but anytime he thought back to that moment of Markus exiting the showers...he couldn’t be. Not when he remembered the way his muscles had flexed, and how his torso had shone beneath the light sheen of water droplets not yet dried off.

He’d not meant to stare. He’d not, and he hated that he had...but he also didn’t.

The clock hands continued to tick on, and Connor tried to keep all his focus on reading the chapter from his textbook, which was all about something regarding Darwin and his evolution theory. Mama had tried to pull him out of class over it, but Principal Fowler had refused and stated that he needed to attend, even if she didn’t agree with the teachings.

Around 4:15, he could hear a car engine rumbling up to the house. Getting up from his seat, he went and peered out the kitchen window, pushing back the curtains to see Mama Amanda getting out from her boss’ car. Hands suddenly going clammy, Connor clambered back to the table and quickly gathered up all his things--his textbook, his notebook, pencils--and ran upstairs to his room, where he incautiously stuffed them under his mattress.

The front door creaked open downstairs and shut with a light bang. Connor became paralyzed, standing still in the middle of his tiny room as if  he were Isaac about to be sacrificed by Abraham.

Silence. A heavy thud. Something had hit the floor.

“Connor?”

His mouth went dry.

“Connor, I know you’re upstairs. Come down here, right now.”

He didn’t want to. Oh, he didn’t want to go, he couldn’t—his feet had glued themselves to the floorboards. His legs were frozen stiff, his arms as well. It took great effort to make himself move across the room, to the door. Out it, down the stairs, which he walked down very quietly.

Mama was waiting for him when he reached the bottom, perfectly positioned under a ray of light that streamed in through the dirty, cracked windows. She was dressed as she always was, in her long black dress and navy-blue cloak, that flowed around her like the very flood God had brought upon His people. Her big, leather satchel sat beside her on the floor, tracts and booklets all but spilling out from the pockets, and her old, tattered Bible rested in her dark, calloused hands, which were crossed in front of her.

This very sight made Connor’s stomach quiver, making him want to turn tail and run back up the stairs to his room. To hide, and to lock himself in, waiting until he was sure there would be no chance of a lecture or sermon. But he didn't. He stayed there, frozen at the foot of the stairs as he and Mama soundlessly stared across at one another.

This was the calm before the storm. A moment that held a false sense of security to it,  before all hell broke loose.

“Hello, Mama.”

Mama didn’t return his greeting, eyes continuing to bore into him as she took a step away from her bag. The urge to retreat back up the stairs came back, and he gripped onto the stair railing, swallowing down what little spit was left in his mouth.

Mama took another step towards him, tucking her Bible underneath one arm. Her mouth was pressed into a tight line, and it looked she was shaking. There was some great untold sorrow in her eyes, which never left Connor, even as she outstretched her free hand and tentatively placed it on his cheek. It felt cold and rough, her thumb caressing one of the many beauty marks dotted across his face.

“My sweet boy… oh, my poor sweet boy. I’m so sorry…”

“Mama?” Connor’s fingernails dug into the railing, and he could feel his heartbeat starting to pick up. “I’m...I’m not...what’s wrong? Is something wrong?”

(you know what’s wrong you know exactly what’s wrong don’t play innocent)

“You…” Mama’s voice sounded like it was trembling, her caress growing harsh. “You’re a man now.”

Connor all but wilted, right then and there. She knew. They’d told her. It’d been foolish to have some hope that they wouldn’t have, that they would’ve waited until she returned home from work. Though, he doubted that would’ve made much of a difference.

“Mama, I..I’m sorry--”

A flash of black, horrible pain suddenly overtook his vision, rupturing throughout his head as Mama had withdrawn her Bible and struck him with it. His fingernails dragged a zig-zag pattern into the stair railing as he fell back, hitting the bottom stair with a small cry.

Mama had seized him by the arm before he had any time to recover, yanking him back to his feet.

“Let us go to the altar.” she said. “Let us go to the altar now, and pray for your forgiveness.”

“Mama, no, it wasn’t my fault--”

“To the altar. Now, Connor. We must pray.”

“No, let me go--”

He pulled back, refusing to budge as she tried to pull him into the living room. His feet skidded, shoelace catching and ripping off thanks to a nail sticking out from the floorboard. Mama’s grip on him worsened, nails digging through the thin cotton material of his shirt and he shrieked in pain, trying in vain desperation to pry himself away from her.

When she did let him go, it was only to strike him again, which sent him toppling onto the dusty green sofa in the living room. He tried to get back up, tried to run past her into the hall, to escape up the stairs, but she grabbed him and kicked him toward their altar, which was really just an old dresser she’d furnished with various religious memorabilia, including what must’ve been the third crucifix in the house. Unlike the ones in the Room of Redemption, though this one had been hand carved out of wood, Mama having specially ordered it from a Christian book catalog several years ago. On each side of it sat two white candles, fresh new ones that Mama had bought just a few days ago. A velvety purple cloth was spread across beneath these things, a tiny golden cross and several short Bible verses etched into the trim. On the walls behind it hung posters of Peter Paul Rubens’ “The Elevation of the Cross”  , and Lovis Corinth’s “Red Christ” .

It was a sight that was just as familiar as that of the Room of Redemption, if not more so. Connor couldn’t say which he despised more. His head had begun to pulsate from the impact of hitting it face first, and he dizzily looked up to see Mama coming to stand next to him.

“Mama, I didn’t do anything wrong, please.” His voice was barely a whisper, cracking as he spoke. He didn’t try to stand up, staying put on his knees. It’d be no use to try when she’d only push him down again. “It was them! They were all laughing at me, throwing things at me. It was horrible, I was so scared--”

She ignored him, calmly opening her Bible up to one of her numerous bookmarks.

“The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.” She began to read, in that low, smooth tone she reserved only for moments like this or on Sundays when they had services. Connor hated that voice, he hated it so much. “Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; and he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.”

“Mama, stop--”

Without taking her eyes off the page, she grabbed a fistful of Connor’s hair and yanked his head back, a choked howl breaking from his swelling throat as she forced him to look up at the carved cross in front of him. Pages flipped, as Mama turned them with her thumb. He wanted to lift his hands, cover his ears so he wouldn’t have to hear the rest. He’d heard it all before, he was sick of it. He was tired of it.

“As the Lord goes on to say in Leviticus; Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination. If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” 

“Stop it, stop, please—I didn’t lie with anyone, Mama, please, please listen to me--””

The Bible clapped shut, and she dropped it atop the altar. She knelt beside Connor, releasing his hair and taking both of his hands into hers. Her fingers tightly inter-wound with his, nails cutting into his knuckles. He whimpered, trying to pull away.

“Let us pray now, let us pray and ask God to cleanse your mind and heart.”

“No, no, let me go!”

Deeper. Her nails dug deeper, and he cried out. Mama closed her eyes, throwing her head up to the Heavens.

“Oh Lord,” She cried impassively, lifting Connor’s struggling hands into the air with her own. “Help this sinning man before me to see the wrongs that he has done. He may have committed the sin of lustful thoughts, and he may have allowed the Devil to tempt him as he did Your Child in the desert, but I only ask that you allow him the same victory over these temptations--”

“Mama, you’re hurting me—please--”

“--and guide him through the paths of righteousness, and redemption.” She brought their hands back down, squeezing Connor’s tightly. There was a little stream of blood falling from a cut knuckle. “Show him, oh merciful God, that this is merely your loving, vengeful hand at work. Show him the errors of his ways, and cleanse him of his sins, so that he will be spared a sinner’s damnation.”

“But I didn’t! I didn’t sin, Mama!” Connor wailed, trying again to pull away. (you did sin you did you liked those thoughts you practically invited them in). “I didn’t do anything wrong--”

“Oh, but you did.” Mama’s head lowered towards Connor, eyes open with an almost sparkling sort of silent anger. “Don’t lie to me, Connor. I can see your sins festering inside of you, I can sense them just as much as God can. You cannot hide your transgressions from God, doing so will only further them and send you further down the path.”

“Ma--”

“You must go, go to the Room and pray for your salvation from these sins, before they take over your heart.” She moved her hands to his wrists, wrapping onto them like cuffs. “I’ve done what I can on your behalf, now you must ask God yourself for his forgiveness.”

“No, Mama. I don’t need it.” Connor was certain his face was beat red now, whether from frustration or his crying was debatable. He should stop talking now, he should stop before he said something bad, but he couldn’t.  “You’re the one who sinned, you didn’t let me learn about it. You let me think I was dying, and you let them laugh at me. You’re the one who needs to ask for forgiveness, not me!”

Mama’s grip on Connor weakened, and the silent rage in her eyes melted into a swimming frenzy. It wasn’t evident anywhere else on her face but there, though Connor thought he’d seen a hint of fear flash them over as well.

“Pray. Go and pray, now.”

“No.”

“Go to the Room and pray, Connor. Beg to be forgiven.”

“No, Mama!”

She lifted her head back to the ceiling, lips tautly pressed together.

“Oh God…” she muttered. “Why have you cursed me with this rebellious spirit?”

Standing to her feet, she regained her hold on Connor’s wrists and began to drag him across the living room floor. He kicked his legs, screaming furiously and swearing at the top of his lungs. They were dirty swears, things he often overheard at school but never dared repeat out loud at the house. Mama forbade such things, less she need another excuse to push him towards the altar.

So doing this now probably didn’t help his cause much. Neither did the pool of spit he chose to launch his mother’s way as she pulled him up to his feet. She hissed, backhanding him hard enough to send him spilling into the Room, whose door was now open and awaiting Connor’s presence. He crashed right into the shelf, causing the Bible and framed sermon to jolt in their places.

Mama was saying something, but his head was hurting and spinning too much to understand what. He only knew she was about to shut the door, he didn’t want her to shut the door. He didn’t want to be left in here, not with the tortured sinners and an angry God.

But alas, he was not quick enough to stop her. By the time his head had paused its spinning and he was able to make any sort of movement, she had slammed the door shut. The latch dropped, sealing him inside.

He was alone. He was alone with the sinners, and an angry God.

Any kind of door hitting or screaming he did was not enough to compel Mama into letting him out, as her footsteps had long since faded away. She wouldn’t be coming back, not for a whole five hours--maybe three if he were lucky. The longest he’d ever been in here was a whole day, and that was only because he’d snuck some candy into the cart when he and Mama had been shopping at the dollar store. He’d assumed she was going to pay for it, but she hadn’t even realized it was in their cart until they’d gotten outside.

Of course, she’d blamed him for that.

The light flickered above him, and he glanced back towards the shelf, around at the dimly lit paintings surrounding him. The agonized souls clinging to the rocks, begging for refuge in Noah’s ark. The rich man pleading with Abraham for a drop of water as he burnt in the fiery pit. Lot’s wife, turned to a pillar of salt.

His eyes at last landed on the crucifix before him, and the box of matches below it. Connor took one of these matches, striking it on the box, and lit the two melting candles adjacent on both sides of the crucifix. A soft, glowing light filled the room, further illuminating the pictures, and the grotesque Jesus Christ on the crucifix, whose face was contorted in the most agonizing expression possible.

Out of all the crucifixes placed throughout the house, it was this one that he despised the most. 

Connor stared at it, lights continuing to bounce off and cast shadows onto the paintings and Bible. The framed sermon glowed, words practically bouncing off the page and onto the lace cloth. One particular passage caught Connor’s attention, and he read it over several times before allowing it to simmer in his mind.

“But then if we allow all this, and think it no injustice in God to punish those once glorious spirits for their rebellion; how can we think it unjust in him, to punish wicked men for their impenitency to all eternity?”

Unjust.

No. It would not be unjust to punish wicked men, would it? It wouldn’t be. The only thing that was unjust was that he was the one being punished, when there were more people in the world far more deserving of it. If God was as merciful as Mama proclaimed Him to be, then why did He continue to allow Connor to be the one who suffered?

Maybe He really had gotten tired of his prayers, after all.

Just maybe.

Slipping back from the shelf and its contents, Connor huddled himself into a corner, where he let his head fall against the wall, where he soon passed out from the immense pain still pulsating throughout his skull.

He didn’t fight it, didn’t want to.

There was no point in doing so, not when God didn’t want to hear his prayers or when Mama wasn’t going to let him out yet. For the time being, he was trapped, and he was alone. Just as he always was.

Chapter Text

Markus never liked to keep things bottled up for long.

He found that doing so would always leave him bothered, and unfocused. Anything he wanted to do or was trying to get done would have to wait until he’d gotten any troubles and issues off his chest first. Until he was sure his head was clear, and he would be able to rest easy, that’s when he went about doing everything else.

He’d hoped that would’ve been the same case today, after what had happened in the showers. But it hadn’t been, not in any way at all. Even if it’d been literal hours since it happened, he found that there was still something bothering him now, despite having sat down to do his schoolwork quite some time ago.

It was stupid he couldn’t focus, this wasn’t even that complicated of an assignment. Mr. Perkins had assigned everyone in the English class to select a favorite poem of theirs to read in class tomorrow, and to also hand in an essay talking about the style of said-poem and what techniques the author had used whilst penning it.

That sort of assignment was an easy A to Markus. He’d had his poem picked out the very day the assignment was announced, all he had left to do now was to finish his essay. He hadn’t meant to wait until the last minute, but being a high school senior meant that he had a fuck ton of homework and projects due this semester. Some things regrettably had to take a back seat to others, and in this case, it was this essay taking a back seat to a Chemistry diagram that had been due this morning.

With that out of the way, he’d figured he could focus on putting enough effort and time into finishing the English essay, and possibly have some time left over to get a headstart on a Math assignment that had just been handed out that day. Then, if he could get enough of that done, he’d polish up some of those unfinished sketches in his sketchpad, and after that, have an hour or two to Skype with his friends before he went to bed.

That’s what his original plan had been, anyways. Until that affair in the showers had occurred, and had become the sole occupant of his mind for the rest of the day.

He’d tried to convince himself it wasn’t a big deal at first. Everyone picked on Connor all the time, what big deal was one more mishap? The guy practically walked around with a “kick me” sign taped to his back, had since elementary school. Shit, Markus could still remember the time he’d knelt down to pray in the cafeteria, and he could remember actually  laughing with the other kids, with his friends.

It’d been funny then.

It’d been hilarious, him and his high-buttoned cotton shirts, the suspenders keeping his pants up. The big, ugly sweaters he’d wear, with those horribly oversized blucher shoes he’d clomp around in. The Bible he carried with him, and the thick stack of tracts held together by a rubber band. His unruly brown curls, that he would always be slicking back with a comb and some hair gel he carried in his bag for some reason.

It’d been an unchanging sight for eleven years now, except for the fact Connor never got down to pray anymore. His Bible was put away in his bag, and he never carried tracks with him. The hair gel had disappeared, so had the comb, and his curls were sprawled out every which way. And his posture wasn’t half as upright as it used to be, his head ducked in constant distress like he was afraid someone was going to strike or laugh at him.

Which they did.

They still laughed at him, they still thought he was funny. And Markus hadn’t paid it any mind, he never wanted to.

Never thought to.

He avoided confrontation if he could, altercations too, and thus had tried his best to steer clear of such things. Such things had become a norm for those in Connor’s presence, though, so much in fact that he was all too accustomed to them by now. They blended in and merged with every other occurrence at the school, becoming as common as anything else that happened each and every day.

That was why he hadn’t been too surprised when Gavin had tripped him up during PE today, or when he’d been struggling to get to twenty five push ups. He’d even expected something to happen in the showers, he always did. Surprisingly nothing ever had, really, except for the time someone had spotted him showering with his shirt and underwear still on, and all they’d done was poke fun for a bit before leaving him alone.

It’d been nothing like what they did to him today, and Markus couldn’t stop thinking about it. Hadn’t been able to, not since leaving the locker room.

Had he meant to just stand there and not do anything?

He’d told himself he hadn’t. His friends knew, everyone knew that he wasn’t the one to stand by while someone else was getting hurt. Any other day he would’ve leapt in and put a stop to Connor’s distress, shoved Gavin aside and told Leo off.

He’d wanted to, but he hadn’t.

He’d just...watched. Said nothing. Done nothing, until Mr. Anderson had come barrelling in and shouted his name, demanding to know what the problem was.

It’d felt like he’d been snapped out of a trance when that had happened. Up until that point, everything had been surreal; hearing the screams, flocking over with everyone else. He never did that, he never stayed in crowds longer than he had to. Why had he gone over then, why had he stuck around to watch?

He wished he hadn’t. He should’ve left with Josh and Simon before it happened, then he could’ve just heard everyone talking about it later. He wouldn’t be stuck with that haunting imagery of a naked Connor in Leo and Michael’s grasps, eyes rolling back into his head as he floundered about, screeching like a drowned rat.

It made him feel...guilty. He hadn’t known why it’d made him feel guilty at first, he hadn’t done anything...nothing.

Nothing at all.

He and Leo’s mother had been called about the incident first, and she’d been rightfully pissed over it. She’d hardly said a word to either of them when she came to pick them up from school, but she’d let them have it as soon as they’d gotten home. There was five minutes of scolding, some swear words, before she finally sent them up to their rooms like she had in the times when they’d gotten in trouble as children.

Markus had taken this time to try and start work on his essay, but all he’d yielded out of that were a few small paragraphs. His focus had been all over the place, and so he’d ended up turning to his sketchpad to occupy his time. Not even that had been enough to prevent him from dozing off at his desk, waking up two hours later to hear his mother knocking at his door, and a very rough sketch of...someone, on his sketchpad. It was hard to tell who when all he’d managed was an outline before falling asleep.

He’d gone downstairs to eat following that, but didn’t do much except pick and nibble at his food. Leo had scarfed his dinner down like he didn’t have a care in the world, while their mother was seated across from them, sipping at a full glass of wine--something she never did unless she was really stressed out. Markus couldn’t bring in himself to blame her, it’d be one thing if this was just another Leo mishap...but it wasn’t. They’d been both been involved this time, and it was probably breaking her mind just trying to comprehend it.

The steam had stopped rising from Markus’ steak by the time he finally compelled himself to cut a piece off to eat, but even then it felt like he was about to throw it up. Whether it was from the meat being cold, or from the guilt tearing away at him, he didn’t know. If anything, he should’ve been the one scarfing his food down given that he hadn’t had a direct involvement in Connor’s torment--that was, it shouldn’t be bothering him so much.

Meanwhile, Leo had been involved and the most regret Markus had seen from him was the scuffing of his foot while their mom had scolded them. He’d seemed to have completely forgotten about it by the time they’d gotten to the table, and had finished his steak with complete ease.

Markus on the other hand, had only managed to eat half of his before he excused himself to go back upstairs and finish his schoolwork. That’d been two hours ago, and he couldn’t say he was any closer to finishing or focusing than he had been before eating. At this rate, there was no way he’d be able to get a head start on that math assignment, or talk to his friends.

Though, he doubted they’d be able to talk to him tonight, anyways. North had gotten detention for skipping History again, which had probably led to her being grounded, and Josh’s dad had seem super aggravated when he’d arrived to pick him up, then he’d texted Simon almost three hours ago and not gotten a reply.

It was safe to say they’d all fucked themselves over today, some way or another.

Pushing his chair back from his desk, Markus squared on ankle over one knee, heaving out a tired, heavy sigh. A bleary glance to the time on the corner of his laptop told him it was only 8:15, and he looked back to his unfinished word document. Was there a chance he could finish this in-between classes tomorrow--no, there wasn’t. There wasn’t. He’d screw himself over if he did that.

Perhaps it was time to bring Google back up. He hated having to rely on search engines to get papers done, but this was going to be a half-assed paper anyways. Maybe if he read a few articles it would jog his brain hard enough to put it into concentration mode.

Rubbing his sleep-heavy eyes, he sat back up and pulled his chair back up to his desk. Just as he’d started to type “john keats poetry analysis” into the search bar, a resounding bang sounded from down the hallway followed by pounding, furious footsteps, that sounded like they were tearing a hole in the floor.

Now, he would’ve gotten up to see what the matter was, if he hadn’t known already. Their father had gotten home just around the same time he’d been heading back to his room, and he’d only heard just a tad of the discussion he was having with Leo before he’d plugged in his headphones. Music usually helped him focus on tough assignments, but seeing as it hadn’t really helped that much tonight, he’d turned it off just a few short minutes ago.

He had to wonder, what kind of an escalation point had their conversation reached? Nothing good, that was for sure. Any discussion with Leo almost always ended with a door slam and loud footsteps, amidst accusations and curse words. Then he’d either storm out of the house or to his room, and they wouldn’t see him again until morning.

Judging by the direction of his steps tonight, it’d sounded like he’d gone to his room. Shaking his head, Markus turned back to his laptop but was interrupted a moment later by a quick, soft knock at his door.

“Markus?”

It was his dad. Here to talk to him...obviously.

Obviously.

Because he was in trouble too. It wasn’t just Leo getting the lecture this time around, though Markus could imagine his had been a lot worse provided that he’d been in on the offense. Carl Manfred was not one to take things lightly, regardless of how serious/not serious the problem was. He may have been better at keeping his calm than their mother could, but press him hard enough and he was bound to elevate his voice loud enough for the ceiling to shake.

Those were the times Markus knew his father was very angry. He hoped that wasn’t what he was in store for tonight.

“Yeah?” He bit the inside of his cheek, clicking to bring up an article. “Uh, you can come in, door’s unlocked.”

The door creaked open, a small stream of light pouring in from the hallway. Markus looked over his shoulder, glancing back as Carl wheeled himself into the room. He had a surprisingly calm expression given what he’d just gone through, which he looked up at Markus with.

“Markus, hey, I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you.” he apologized, pushing the door shut behind him best he could. “Your mom said you were trying to get schoolwork done….I really didn’t wanna bother you, but, well...she was rather insistent that I talk to both of you boys tonight.”

He made a gesture towards the laptop.

“It’s coming along well anyways, I hope.”

“I...guess? I mean, it’s coming…” Markus shrugged as he shrunk down the webpage he was looking at. “I don’t know, I’m having a bit of trouble with the last few paragraphs. Mr. Perkins said to rely on our own thoughts for this assignment but...honestly….I’m kind of stuck.”

“You? Stuck?” Carl laughed softly, wheeling himself up next to Markus. “I can hardly believe that, you’re usually so on top of things. There’s a reason your friends are always calling you for help for an assignment, you’ve usually finished before them.”

“Heh, I know, but…” He pulled his hands behind his head, exhaling as he swerved his chair around. “Not tonight, I’m not...but...I’m guessing you already know why though...don’t you?”

Carl nodded. He wasn’t smiling all that much anymore.

Markus half-snorted. Of course he knew already, it was probably one of the first things his mom had told him when he’d gotten home.

“I kind of figured that…” His hands dropped to his legs, which were crossed. “Well, I’m ready if you wanna lecture me...hell, I’m sure whatever you have to say can’t be worse than what you said to Leo.”

“That’s just it, I barely said anything to Leo.” The calm expression was gone too, replaced by a more grim one. “I’m not sure how much of it you heard, but I only asked him to tell me his side of the story. And all he gave me were excuses, alongside a lot of unnecessary shouting…”

That wasn’t surprising, Leo was about as good at handling his anger as North was at not bailing any of her classes. Good to know Markus hadn’t missed out on much by having his headphones on.

“Now, I’m not expecting the same thing from you, Markus, but I will ask you the same question.” He looked up towards Carl, who had folded his hands together in his lap. “What exactly happened in that locker room today?”

“I…”

Markus shifted in his seat, jolting imagery flashing through his memory. The mere mention had brought it all back, when it had just been troublesome words floating in his vision before. Becoming so frustrated at trying to get this paper done had been a moment’s distraction, now he didn’t have that luxury.

At the very least, he didn’t have to keep this bottled up anymore. And then he might be able to actually focus afterwards.

“I don’t think I have much to say.” he said, Carl’s brows knitting together at this. “Mom already told you what happened, and...well, that’s what happened. Leo did what he did, I did nothing. None of us did, Dad, not me, not Simon or Josh. We just watched, that’s all we did, I swear.”

“No need to swear, Markus, you know I believe you.” Carl held up one hand, shaking his head. “However, that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed in you.”

“Disappointed in me? For what, I--”

“You know what.” Markus’ mouth clenched shut, and he stopped talking. Carl had risen his voice, he knew better than to say anything when he did that. “That’s not like you, Markus, not at all. I’d hoped you would’ve known better.”

Guilt. The guilt was back, burning in his chest just as badly as it had earlier, and he lowered his head.

“Markus. Look at me.”

Back up. He lifted his head back up, just as he’d been told.

“I’m not angry, please understand that.” His father reassured him, his tone having calmed down since his previous statement. “I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of you standing back in the crowd while someone else gets hurt. It’s why I’m disappointed, and why I’d like to hear your side of things.”

“But I wasn’t involved, how could I have a side?”

“Oh you do, and that’s exactly what I mean.” Carl said, hands unfolding. “I want to know why you weren’t involved, why you didn’t do anything--and no excuses, either. Tell me the truth, Markus.”

The truth. What was the truth, and did he dare say it out loud?

He did. He did, and he had to.

“I...I’m not sure.” he silently admitted, though it was an admittance that carried some great uncertainty with it. “I did want to help, for a minute at least. I don’t know what came over me after that though, it just felt like I couldn’t take my eyes off of what was happening. Like it was too horrible to look away from, even if I wanted to.”

The burning increased, chest tightening up.

“And you know, I’ve been kicking myself in the ass all day for it, too.” Hands rested on the armrests of his chair, which he’d begun to swerve back and forth in. “I tried to tell myself it was okay, since Connor gets picked on all the time, you know. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal and I’d forget about it, just like all those other times someone was mean to him.”

“Mm, and I’m guessing you haven’t?”

“Hell no, why do you think I can’t focus on this?” Markus gave a half-hearted laugh, motioning towards his laptop, which had long since slipped into screensaver mode. He grabbed the mouse attached to his laptop and gave it a mild shake, which brought the webpage back to the screen.

“It’s been bothering me all day, anytime I think it’s gone, it just...comes back…” He respired deeply as he leaned back in his chair, which creaked somewhat beneath him. “I wish it would quit coming back, Dad. How do I stop it from coming back?”

Carl said nothing to that, and Markus thought for a minute that their conversation was over.  His father was never one to give an answer directly, as he liked to give his boys a few words of wisdom and leave them to figure out the rest. Giving them a full answer was like spoon-feeding them, and you could only do that for so long before you realized they were old enough to feed themselves.

That didn’t mean they wouldn’t choke every now and then. And boy, had Markus choked.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I punched a kid in eighth grade?”

What?  

Markus sat up straight, staring in confusion towards his father. Too stunned to reply, he shook his head.

“Well, I’ll tell you then.” Carl hummed, head reclining back. “You might not believe it, but your father wasn’t always that much of a pacifist. I used to get in fights all the time, with anyone I thought deserved it…”

He closed his eyes, as if reminiscing, then opened them back up. They were sparkling, but not in their usual, fond way.

“One day, I was walking through the halls on my way to recess, when this boy from my class ended up bumping straight into me.”  he continued. “I ended up dropping my books and got really mad at him, even though he apologized several times over. Of course, I was too mad to think straight, at least, not with any common sense.”

“What did you do, then?”

“Oh, I told you, I ended up punching him.” Markus tilted his head in disbelief at his father, who only half-shrugged. “What can I say, I was thirteen and a damn idiot. Too much of an idiot to even realize what kind of impact my actions might’ve just had on that kid, in fact, I ended up finding out later on that he was already being picked on by some of the older students.”

“Did you..." Markus swallowed hard. “Did you ever apologize to him?”

“No. His parents had him transferred to another school before I ever got the chance.” Regret. That’s what his eyes were sparkling with, Markus realized. “When I think about it now, though, I wish I had. It might’ve not been enough to keep him from being transferred, but at least he would’ve known someone cared about him.”

The regret had transitioned to a serious thoughtfulness, eyes now shining instead of sparkling as he looked back to Markus.

“Markus, you asked me how to make your guilt go away, right?” he asked, receiving a slow nod in return. “Then do what I couldn’t. Apologize, lend a hand. Show that boy that there’s someone out there who wants to be his friend.”

“But I don’t...I’m not sure I know how to do that.”

“You do. You have it in you, Markus, everyone does. It’s just up to them--and you, whether or not you choose to use it.” He wheeled his chair back, turning it towards the door. “Give yourself some time to think about it, but not too much time. You’ve still gotta finish that essay after all.”

A knowing smile was the last thing he offered Markus before parting from the room, the yellow glow from the hallway melting away as the door closed shut, and leaving Markus back in the cozy dimness of his own bedroom for light and comfort.

He sat there, still, and quiet, for a whole five minutes. Mulling over, and processing words.

Apologize. Lend a hand. Show Connor that someone wants to be his friend.

That couldn’t be too impossible, could it?

He didn’t know. He didn’t know at all.

All he knew was that he had a lot more to think about after he was done with this paper.

It was a sweltering, hot summer day in July when it happened. He could remember that much.

 Connor was seated outside, barely visible in the tall grass encompassing his backyard. He was barefoot, with crusty scabs on his feet that had been picked at recently by a sharp blade of grass he’d plucked out of the ground.

 The winds around him were humid and stuffy, smoothly blowing his dark brown curls every which way and tousling them in a manner similar to the way it was tousling the tree branches, and the laundry hanging from the clothesline.

Before him sat two plush animals--a sheep, with cotton spilling from its black cloth nose, and a spotted brown and white dog with tattered ears.  Between them, sat a small, blue ball that was made out of cloth and covered in patches, which he rolled around and kicked at with his feet.

His ears perked up suddenly, picking up what sounded like music coming from nearby. It wasn’t any kind of music he recognized, in fact it sounded very different from what he usually heard on the radio. This piqued the young boy’s curiosity, prompting him to walk over to the white fence separating his home from the neighbor’s.

That’s when he saw her. A neighbor, Miss Echo.

She was lying face up on a pink and white striped beach blanket. Her blue hair, which was tied back into a long ponytail, shone brightly in the sunlight that bounced off of the black sunglasses resting on her face. She wore a two-piece swimsuit, black like her sunglasses but with little daisies on the fabric.

To say it left little to the imagination was an understatement; Connor knew Mama Amanda wouldn’t like it. It was so much more different from what she herself always wore, which mainly consisted of heavy, longish dresses and thick wool capes, which covered her from head to toe. This swimsuit here covered next to nothing of this woman’s body, every curve and angle on full display and glistening brightly with suntan lotion.

Connor pressed himself against the fence, continuing to stare with wide eyes.

He blinked, watching as Miss Echo stirred. She let out a small yawn, head rolling to the side as she reached over to turn down the music that Connor had discovered was playing from a tiny red radio placed beside her.  She sat up, yawning a second time as she stretched her arms over her head--and as she did so, the straps from her top loosened and allowed it to slip somewhat, revealing her breasts underneath.

She didn’t spot Connor at first, not until she turned around from adjusting the knobs on her radio a second time. With a spooked gasp, she pressed a hand to her chest.

“Shi--oh! Hi there.”

She smiled warmly towards him, lifting her sunglasses from her eyes, which were a soft brown. Connor didn’t say anything, eyes moving towards her breasts. Mama wouldn’t be happy if she saw him right now, she never liked him being outside whenever the neighbors were. Especially Miss Echo, and Miss Ripple, and he wasn’t even sure why. They were both very nice ladies, was it because of the swimsuits?

That had to be it. Yes, that had to be it, after all, she’d said women who dressed like that were whores of Babylon. He’d wanted to ask her what that meant, but he hadn’t had a chance to yet...most he knew, it certainly didn’t mean anything good.

“You...your…um...” He poked a chubby finger her way, prompting her into looking down at her chest. Another gasp, and she glanced down, immediately pulling her top back up, shaking her head as she faintly chuckled.

“Ooh, my bad, good thing your mom didn’t come out here to see us, huh?” She tied the straps back, giving them a tug to make sure they were nice and tight this time. “I know I’d never hear the end of it, I keep expecting her to start chucking tracts over the fence anytime I’m out here.”

Pushing herself up, she strode over to join Connor, though the fence was separating them. It hadn’t been there before she and Miss Ripple had moved in, Mama had had it built a short time after they’d came to introduce themselves.

“So what’s up? You uh, playing out here by yourself today?”

He nodded.

“Yes. Mama’s cleaning the house and she didn’t want me in the way.”

“Oh, I get that. My mom was the same way.” Miss Echo leaned against the fence, crossing her arms atop it. “Well, I see you’ve got some little friends with you for company, at least. Do they have names?”

“Them?” Connor squinted back towards where she’d made a motion towards his stuffed animals. “They’re not my friends, they’re just my toys. Mama says they can’t be my friends because they aren’t fleshly beings.”

“Ah, right...right, of course she said that. Well, how about--”

“Connor!”

The back door to the house had swung open, and Mama was stepping out of it. The laundry basket she’d been carrying had hit the ground the minute she’d spotted Connor at the fence, and she began to push her way through the hanging, swaying laundry.

“Connor, what are you doing? Get away from her!”

Her piercing shriek made Connor’s entire little body seize up, and he turned around to see her running towards him, her long skirts flowing behind her in the wind. Her fists were bared, curled up almost impossibly tight, nails digging into her palms deep enough to draw blood. He could see the blood, leaking red and trickling from in-between her clenched fingers--such a sight making all flush and color vanish from his face.

“Connor, what I have told you?!” She grabbed him, staining his nice clean shirt with the drops of blood from her hands. He whined, trying to pull away. “Come with me, come with me right now. We’re going back inside.”

“Mama, no--”

“Now, Connor. We’re going inside now, I don’t want you talking to this woman anymore.” Mama whipped her head up towards Miss Echo, an icy glare shrouding her features. “She is nothing but a temptress, trying to entice you with sinful thoughts. Remember what I’ve told you?”

Connor whined again, fingers digging into the chipped paint he’d been poking at prior. He didn’t want to let go of the fence, didn’t want Mama to drag him away. He never liked to make Mama upset, least of all when it got other people into trouble.

“Ms. Stern, please, we were just talking--” Miss Echo stammered, the back door to her house swinging open as Miss Ripple stepped out with a tray of cold drinks. This was sat on the steps as she took notice of what was going on and hurried over to the fence.

“Hey, what’s going on? Echo--”

“Silence, both of you.” Mama hissed, Connor crying out as she successfully managed to pry him away from the fence. She forcefully shoved him behind her as he started to let out a high-pitched whimper,  his eyes shiny and streaked with tears. There were red marks on his arm, stains on his shirt. “I told you, warned you not to parade your whoreness around my son--as if your living in sin wasn’t enough already.”

“We’re not--”

“I’ll pray for you, I’ll pray that you both find salvation.”

Swiftly she turned, stomping back to the house as she dragged poor Connor along with her, leaving the two women on the other side of the fence, to watch in horrified and stunned silence.

That was all they could do, all they could manage. What else could they figure to do, when such a thing like wasn’t something you witnessed every day? Not cry, it was too real to cry over. Too real and too sudden.

They’d only been halfway to going back into their own home, when the shrillest, loudest cry they’d ever heard pierced through the foggy summer air. Connor had broke away, he’d freed himself from his mother, and fallen onto the porch in a messy, wrinkled heap.

But he wasn’t the only thing. Something else had crashed and fallen onto the porch, something slick, gigantic, and hard.

Ice.

It was a chunk of ice, glittering and melting in the sunlight.

More soon began to fall from the sky, pelting the roof and yard with enough force to make the gutter come loose and smash into the clothesline. Clothes and sheets flew loose into the dirt, and Mama watched, frozen, with appalled eyes. She sucked in her breath, turning her head upwards towards the sky.

“Lord, help me.” she whispered, before spreading her arms apart, wide and open like an eagle’s wings. She knelt, gathering her son into her arms, and fled into the house, the door closing with a bang behind her.

Now what happened following that, Connor couldn’t have told you in exact detail. He recalled only a blur of objects flying past him, as his mother rushed him through the kitchen and towards the altar. Chairs were thrown into the air, the dining room table sliding and crashing into the window. Glass shattered, cabinets opened and plates and cups were tossed about.

She’d dropped him at the altar, hands trembling as she flipped open her Bible and began to read out loud, frantically and rushed. There was a huge butcher’s knife clutched in her other hand, its tip dangerously positioned on top of Connor’s quivering chest and threatening to pierce through his heart at any given second.

He’d sobbed some more, the altar and all its objects collapsing beside them. Mama had screamed and dropped her Bible, both hands wrapping around the knife’s handle. It too slipped free from her, flying and sticking in the couch cushions.

Then the stones. The stones begun to batter the roof, crashing through the windows and into the house. Big ones, small ones, sharp ones.

Rough hands then encircled his throat, and his sobs transitioned into hopeless chokes. All he could see was Mama’s fear-stricken face as he lay there on the floor, which was the last thing he remembered seeing before blacking out.

He’d been close to Heaven that day. So close.

It’d been around 8:00 when Mama had finally let him out of the Room.

Connor hadn’t known what time it was before that, only known that it was much more darker than it had been when he’d been pushed in several hours earlier. The candles had long since gone out, and it seemed as if the hanging lightbulb itself had finally decided to expire, leaving him stranded in complete darkness.

That, coupled with horrid hunger pangs and a sudden pressure on his bladder was what led him to start knocking at the door, calling out for his mother. She was downstairs, he knew she was, as he could hear the sounds of Tennessee Ernie Ford coming from the living room.

It’d taken her another ten minutes to come and unlatch the door, and Connor had wasted no time in making a mad dash for the bathroom. Following that, he’d returned downstairs to the dining room, where a chilled bowl of chicken broth was waiting for him on the table. Mama Amanda had already eaten hours ago, but she’d sat at the table with him anyways, perusing her dog-eared copy of John Calvin’s “ The Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life”.

Every spoonful of that broth had been cold and gooey, and he would’ve had half a mind to toss it down the sink had he not been so hungry. He’d asked Mama if he might reheat it, but she’d refused, telling him that two women during the Siege of Samaria had had to eat their own sons just so they wouldn’t starve to death. There was no reason to complain about such a trivial thing as his food being cold, when he was getting to eat a full meal.

Following that, Connor decided against saying anything until he excused himself to go upstairs, which was where he’d been for the past hour and a half. As he had no desk in his room, he was instead seated on his bed, legs tucked up against his chest as he sat against the headboard. One of Mama’s dusty old religious poetry books lay open next to him, as his notebook sat tucked in his lap, his neat, delicate handwriting covering several of the pages.

He’d almost forgotten about this assignment. They were supposed to bring in one of their favorite poems to English class tomorrow, alongside an essay explaining the author’s techniques...an essay, that Mr. Perkins had specifically said, had to be typed and printed. Sure, you could hand in a handwritten essay if you wanted, but that would give you at least five points docked from the entire assignment.

It was downright astonishing, come to think of it.

Most of his teachers were aware he didn’t have a computer at home and was not able to easily access one; if he were lucky enough, sometimes he’d use the school computers, which wasn’t often since Mama Amanda always expected him to go home right after school ended. Some teachers were completely understanding about this and would allow him to hand in what he’d written down on notebook paper, while others, like Mr. Perkins, docked half his grade for the continuous hand in of such a thing.

Connor didn’t think that was fair, at all, and felt that it was quite a shame. This paper he was finishing now had turned out so well, why if weren’t for his lack of a computer and printer...was it possible he’d have enough time to pay the library a visit before class tomorrow? It wasn’t like he had to go to PE in the morning, the most he had to do was drop by Mr. Anderson’s office to pick up the workout schedule he’d written out for him.

Yes, that’s what he would do. He would have time, and it wouldn’t take long either. All he would have to do was copy what he’d written in a word document and print it out. Then Mr. Perkins would have no excuse to not give him the full grade, unless he was only doing it to be petty.  That itself was entirely possible.

Flipping his notebook shut, Connor shoved it back into his bag alongside the poetry book. He slipped the pencil he’d been using back into its case and threw that in too, zipping the bag up and dropping it onto the floor. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed, he stood and walked out of the room, heading back downstairs to the living room.

Mama wasn’t reading anymore, now settled and hammering away at her sewing machine, which was positioned under a paint by numbers of The Last Supper . She was humming along to her favorite hymn-- “In the Garden” by C. Austin Miles , which was playing from the decrepit tube radio she’d snatched up at a yard sale a few years ago.

“Mama?” She didn’t stop working, humming, as Connor walked up next to her. “Mama, I’ve finished my schoolwork…”

He afforded himself a view of the sewing machine, at the dark gray fabric that she was running stitches into. It looked like she was mending some pants, or making a new pair. He couldn’t figure which it was.

“...may I go to bed, now? Mama?”

Mama removed her foot from the machine’s pump, not looking or speaking to him. She freed the pants from underneath the feed dog, and turned to Connor, making a sideways motion with her hand. He blinked, then did as she’d said, standing still as she held the pants up to his waist.

She smiled.

“Yes, I think this should fit you just fine.” she said, with a nod to confirm her words to herself. “I’m not sure if I should’ve tightened the hem some more, but I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see…”

She glanced upwards to Connor, smile dissipating. His eyes had away to the floor, mouth pressed into a somber line. The pants crumpled into her lap, and she reached up a hand, cupping it around his chin.

“Connor?” He had no choice but to look at her, she was lifting his head. The great sorrow was back in her eyes, the same sorrow he’d seen when she’d gotten home that afternoon. “I know, your heart is troubled. Mine is too. But please believe I took no pleasure in what I did to you today, only know that it was what needed to be done.”

“I know it was, Mama. I know.”

“Many other children can’t say they have the fortune of having a parent who looks out for you as I do.” She continued, thumb caressing his chin. He wanted to yank his head away from her so badly, but didn’t. “All I want is to protect you from falling into Satan’s clutches, and from travelling down the wayward path. You do understand what I mean, don’t you, Connor?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Good...that’s good.” Mama Amanda let go of his chin, clasping one of his hands. She squeezed it, not as roughly as she had at the altar, but enough to make Connor want to recoil. He didn’t though, just as he hadn’t jerked away when she had him by the chin.

“You may go to bed now, don’t forget to say your prayers.”

“I won’t.”

She released his hand, not before pressing a kiss to it first. Her lips felt bitterly icy, and he shuddered. But Connor didn’t let go, not until she had.

He could hear the sewing machine start up again as he headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and her voice, which was not humming this time, but softly singing along to the next hymn on the radio. “There’s Power in the Blood” , that was it. He’d sang it enough times during their Sunday services to know it by heart.

It soon became muffled as he walked into his room and shut the door. He went and looked out the window, out at the dark sky outside, then drew the curtains shut and went about changing into his pajamas. He always left them folded neatly on his dresser every morning, so they wouldn’t be wrinkly later on.  The clothing he wore during the day would go into the wicker basket propped up in front of his bed, alongside his other dirty clothes that Mama hadn’t washed yet.

He stepped back from the dresser, unbuttoning every single little aggravating button on his itchy cotton shirt. Off that went, followed by a plain white undershirt, then the cumbersome suspenders that held his pants up. The pants came off next, falling into a pillowy, baggy pile. Socks, shoes, which he kicked away.

The only thing that remained was his silver crucifix, until he slipped into his pajamas. After buttoning up his top, he pulled the crucifix out from underneath the fabric and held it in his hand, staring down it, and then at himself, in the miniscule black-rimmed mirror placed on his dresser.

It was a bad habit, his staring was, but many a time he found that he couldn’t help himself. Oft times it got him into all sorts of trouble, but the only person watching him right now was God, so he didn’t care.

Beauty was vain, Mama always said it was.

But that’s not what he was presently thinking about.

In lieu of lamenting about his pale, awkward features, he was thinking about today. There was so much to think about, and he hadn’t much time to come to think of it. Earlier had been full of homework, then Mama had come home and he’d spent the rest of the afternoon and evening locked away.

He thought of everything that had transpired, from the showers, to the Room. The lightbulb that had broken. Principal Fowler’s desk sliding into the wall, his glass pencil holder shattering into a thousand bitty pieces. The stone that had smacked Zoe Fern in the face.

His dream.

It’d come to him when he’d passed out, after Mama had pushed him into the Room and he’d hit his head. It was as if someone had taken a hammer and started breaking down the bricks that blocked him from properly recollecting, setting loose a whole part of his memory, a forbidden part that been left long locked and stashed away.

That summer day, back in July. He’d been five years old, playing outside while Mama had cleaned the house. There’d been a lady with blue hair, and a daisy-spotted swimsuit. Ice, big chunks of it, falling from the sky. Tables, chairs, hitting the wall. Stones pelting the roof.

And a knife. He remembered a knife, hovering over his chest.

It felt strange to relive it in such vivid detail, but not too strange to wonder why he’d forgotten about it. Mama had never talked about it or mentioned it to him, thus allowing it to become a gradually suppressed memory.

Until now.

Until today.

Connor had sworn not to wonder anymore than he had before, but now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop himself. Couldn’t stop the avalanche of bunched up words and pictures falling through his mind.

(The lightbulb. The desk.

The pencil holder. The stone.

The water cooler, and the basketball hoop that had broken the week before.

Stones. The stones, the ice. Tables, chairs--)

He sucked in his lower lip as he glared at his reflection, which wobbled to some slight extent.

(Was it me, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be me.)

He unhanded his crucifix, letting it drop against his chest. Wobble, the mirror wobbled again.

(Face. Hate it. Hate it, don’t want to look anymore. Don’t want to think.)

Crack.

The mirror had split, something akin to a huge bullet hole having appeared in the very middle of it. Thin, lengthy lines spread out from the hole to the edge of the frame, which spun around twice and crashed to the floor.

Connor jolted back, almost tripping over his school bag.

(The lightbulb. The desk.

The pencil holder. The stone.

The water cooler, and the basketball hoop that had broken the week before.

Stones. The stones, the ice. Tables, chairs.

Now the mirror.)

Holding his breath, his eyes darted between the shattered mirror, and his door. Mama hadn’t heard it, had she? There didn’t seem to be any indication that she had, her footsteps weren’t coming up the stairs and she wasn’t calling his name. All that he heard was her singing, and the muffled clicking coming from the sewing machine.

Once he’d given himself the all clear, he went about cleaning up the mess best he could. He wasn’t about to go downstairs to retrieve the broom and dust pan, not when he’d have to give Mama an explanation. Instead, he pushed the mirror aside, and carefully brushed away the shattered glass pieces with one of his shoes, which he disposed of in the waste paper basket also placed in front of his bed.

When Connor went to pick the mirror up, all that remained of the glass were a few jagged slices here and there sticking out of the frame. He was careful not to prick himself, placing the frame back onto the dresser, where broken remnants of his reflection stared back at him.

He went to bed after that, only sparing a short prayer in his head as he turned the lamp off and pulled the covers up to his chest, turning over on his side.

Had God been hoping for more than sparse words tonight?

Too bad.

That was all Connor had for Him. True, this day had been far too long, but he had far too many questions, too many thoughts, to think or say otherwise.

None of them were things He could answer or solve, anyways.

Chapter Text

The day began as it always did.

Markus woke up around 7:15 in the morning, showering, dressing, and eating breakfast, all in that order. He’d then gone back upstairs to retrieve his school things, which included printing out his finished English essay. He’d meant to print it out after finishing, but it’d been 12:45 by the time he was done and he’d just found himself too tired to do so, vowing instead to print it out as soon as he’d gotten up in the morning.

After tucking it away it in his notebook, he’d headed across the hall to Leo’s room to see if he was awake. It wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t come downstairs for breakfast, nor was it surprising to find his room unlocked and empty. His bed was made and his backpack wasn’t anywhere in sight, which suggested he’d gotten up and left a long time before Markus ever had.

Whether he’d left sometime during the night or the early hours of the morning was arguable, though. With how he’d stormed off to his room after he and Carl’s conversation, Markus wouldn’t have been shocked if he’d just up and ran off to spend the night with one of his friends.

Regardless, Markus figured he’d see him at school later on. That was, unless Gavin had convinced him to bail class and smoke pot behind the building again...oh yeah, because that had clearly worked out so well for them the last time that happened. But then, maybe they didn’t care. Maybe that was preferable to them instead of attending PE, provided that the entire class was likely in for a good, wordy lecture today.

That thought had been in the back of Markus’ head the more he’d thought about what happened, but he tried not to focus too much on it. After that talk with his dad the night prior, it had not occurred to him that there was a good possibility of him receiving another one from Mr. Anderson.

Would the school allow it? After all, their parents had already been told, and they’d all been subsequently lectured and/or punished. What was left for them to do?

He didn’t know for sure, but he didn’t say anything about it either. Wanted to, but didn’t know how to, as he sat in the backseat of Josh’s car. He and the others had shown up around 7:30 to pick him up, just a short time after he’d gone upstairs and found Leo gone. North had called shotgun and was seated in the front seat, rambling on about how her parents had given her their usual “you’re embarrassing us and you’ve gotta stop” lecture. Josh was driving (as it was his car), and Simon sat beside Markus in the back, thumbing through Instagram on his phone.

You’d think nothing bad had happened the other day.

Nothing much had been said of it so far, except Josh asking Markus how he’d fared with his parents. Turns out neither he or Simon’s parents had been quite as forgiving, not believing their claims that they hadn’t been directly involved in the incident. The conversation ended up turning into something else entirely after that, as North had began her own rant involving her parents.

It was like it always was. Except that it wasn’t, not with the issues chewing at the back of Markus’ head. These issues had almost cost him an entire night’s sleep, and he couldn’t say he was decided yet on what to do. It was such simple advice that he’d been offered, yet his brain was treating it like it was a goddamn Scrabble game.

Apologize. Lend a hand. Show Connor that someone cares, and that someone wants to be his friend.

Straightforward words, yet so complicated at the same time.

Would Connor even be willing to let Markus talk to him? He kept to himself so often, and with his past habits of trying to witness and pray in the cafeteria, nobody often approached him...unless it was for other reasons, of course. What was the chance he would believe any apology Markus offered him, he would likely think it was another trick or joke with how much he’d been belittled over the years.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Markus didn’t know what to do yet.

“Josh, turn the fucking AC off. My nose is iced over--”

“I--shit, North, it’s not even turned up that high--”

He startled, turning his eyes to the front seat where North was currently fighting with Josh over the AC controls. It was concerning at first, that Josh didn’t have both hands on the steering wheel, until he’d realized they’d stopped driving and were parked next to a small building-- Expresso, to be precise.

It was the first place they’d usually stop at before school, and had organized a schedule of whose turn it was to buy coffee on what day of the week. Mondays were Josh’s day, Wednesday was Simon’s, Thursday was North’s--and on Fridays they would conduct a game of rock paper scissors to decide.

Today, however, was Tuesday, and that was Markus’ day.

He managed to interrupt Josh and North’s argument long enough to get their orders, and headed inside after Simon had requested his. He didn’t have to struggle much to remember, they each always got the same things every week unless there was some new seasonal flavor out that they wanted to try.

The pleasant scent of coffee beans and freshly baked goods made Markus feel right at home as he pushed the door open and walked inside. There weren’t too many places to hang out in their small town other than this place, the arcade and movie theatre. You had to travel a few miles into the neighboring towns and cities if you wanted anything better or glitzier.

Markus had never really felt the need to do that, though. He could if he wanted, he could certainly afford it--but just as his mother was content to take their laundry to the Press N’ Clean, he was perfectly content to hang out with his friends at Expresso. The furniture carried some wear and tear to it, and the books on the shelves could be qualified as ancient, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

What he did mind, was the sight of his brother seated at one of the tables.

He passed Leo by as he walked to the register, but he hadn’t seemed to have noticed him. Tina Chen, a girl Gavin usually hung out with, sat in front of him thumbing through a paperback, while Michael Graham was chewing into a chocolate-filled croissant. Gavin himself was nowhere in sight, though his bag was hooked on a chair adjacent to Leo’s.

Shaking his head, Markus decided against going over to confront him (he couldn’t say he was in the mood, and he doubted Leo would want to talk him right now) and resumed his trek to the wood-top counter, where a bored girl with choppy bangs was slumped over and mindlessly scrolling through her phone. She looked up when he cleared his throat, shoving her phone back into her pocket. Markus told her everyone’s orders, having to repeat himself twice as she barely seemed to be paying attention.

“That’ll be $16.40.” she mumbled after he’d finished, sounding half-awake. He felt a bit bad for her, she seemed to be the only employee here right now and looked like she was going to pass out at any given second from either exhaustion or disinterest. “For here or to go?”

“To go, thanks.” Markus dug out his wallet, pulling out a crumpled twenty dollar bill, which he handed over to her. “Oh, and you can just keep the change.”

She shrugged a half-hearted thanks, placing the cash into the register before stepping away to start work on the drinks. Markus slipped his wallet back into the side pocket of his backpack and turned around, leaning back into the counter with hands pushed into his jean pockets.

He glanced back over to Leo, who was laughing at Michael, who’d apparently almost choked on a mouthful of croissant. Some crumbs had flown onto the pages of Tina’s paperback and she was giving Michael an earful now. He started to curse at her, mouth still full of food, and Leo was picking up a plastic cup of coffee. His eyes met Markus’ from across the room as he took a sip, and he immediately looked away.

It looked like he’d been right in assuming he didn’t want to talk to him, but he felt oddly compelled to walk over anyways. Had started to, when subjacent footsteps began to catch up to him.

“Fuck, well will you look at what the cat dragged in…”

He stopped and looked around, seeing Gavin standing there behind him. Leo looked almost relieved at this and went back to sipping at his drink, and cackling as Michael and Tina were still cussing each other out.

“Gavin...hi.” Markus looked to the girl behind the counter. It didn’t look like his orders were ready just yet. “Erm, how’s it going?”

“You tell me, you weren’t the one who had your ass beaten last night.” Gavin snapped, and very bitterly. He crossed his arms, turning his nose up at the other teen. “At least, not from what Leo told me. He said he got his ass handed to him, while you only got a slap on the wrist.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it that--”

“Then what would you call it?” Gavin interjected as he passed by Markus, heading back to the table where the others were. Tina and Michael shut up as he plopped down in his seat. “Oh wait, that’s right. You wouldn’t call it anything, because you didn’t do   anything .”

He picked up his own coffee cup, taking a long, hard gulp from it.

“Me on the other hand, all I could’a done was spit once and my old man would be slapping the shit out of me.” he went on. “Which I wouldn’t say is what I did but...hell, what do I care anyways. This shit ain’t anything new.”

That statement propelled Markus from his spot in the middle of the room, causing him to take several baffled steps towards the table. How could Gavin say such a thing when it was, it was something new.  They’d never teased Connor to this extent before, and the school hadn’t had to call anyone’s parents in a long, long time...really, now that Markus actually thought about it, the last time someone had ever been called was when Harry Grayton had thought it would be a funny idea to push a distracted Connor into the gorilla enclosure during a field trip to the zoo.

If anything, what happened yesterday was no better than that, if not horrendously worse.

“How can you say that?” he questioned, causing most if not all eyes at the table to turn towards him. The only one who didn’t look at him was Michael, and that was because his phone had just buzzed. “Did you even hear the way Connor was screaming? He’s never screamed like that before, hell he was practically wailing.”

“So what? It’s about time he stopped being such a stiff neck, anyways.” Gavin huffed, drops of coffee splashing out from cup as he sat it back on the table. Some of these drops narrowly missed staining the pages of Tina’s book. “Shit, like I heard people saying his mom was fighting to keep him out of Sex Ed but damn, I didn’t believe it until yesterday. You should’a seen his face when he figured out what was goin’ on, it was something right out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.”

“I saw more than I wanted, trust me.” Markus mumbled as his jaw clenched, and he wondered if his order was any closer to being finished. He didn’t want to think back to yesterday, not when he’d spent the entire night doing so.

“Anyways, I don’t really give a fuck about it.” Gavin scooted his chair around, muffin in hand. He took a bite out of it, crumbs sticking on his chin. “I mean, who acts that way over an erection? A fucking erection, really? If anything, I was doing him a favor by spraying him. Everything would’ve been fine if you guys had just given it a couple of minutes.”

“What do you mean--”

“Cold. The water was cold, dumbass.” He spoke with his mouth full, more crumbs spilling out. Tina had returned to reading her book, Michael still on his phone. Leo was looking out the window. “Google it, sometime. Shit’s supposed to help with that kind of stuff.”

“What kind of--yeah, sure. Okay, but I don’t think spraying him in the face did anything to help him out.” It was taking everything within Markus to not walk over there and smack that muffin out of Gavin’s hand. He looked so smug, sitting there and taking huge bites out of it. And he knew it too.

God, he was lucky Markus had more self-control than that.  

“Oh no, that was just to see how he’d react.” Gavin shoved the last bite of his muffin into his mouth, cocking his head to the side. “Shit, Manfred, I don’t know why you’re so worked up over this. You aren’t any saint yourself, you know. The whole thing was kinda your fault anyways.”

“How--I don’t see how it’s my fault, I was nowhere near Connor when it started--”

“Nah, but you were near enough for him to see you getting changed.” Gavin brushed the crumbs off his hands, picking his coffee back up. “How’d you think he got a boner in the first place?”

Markus felt his face turn warm.

“I...you don’t know it was me he was looking at. It could’ve been anyone.”

“Except that it wasn’t. Right, Leo?” Gavin nodded over towards Leo, whose head turned at the sound of his name being said. “Go ahead, tell him. Tell him what you told me.”

“Me? Why do I have to fucking tell him if you already know--” He shut up at the warning look Gavin must’ve been giving him, Markus couldn’t tell since he’d turned his head away. “Alright, sure. Fuck it. Yeah, I saw him looking at you, but I didn’t think he was actually having a boner until I started talking to him.”

“But how do you know he was looking at me--”

“Because I know, Markus, god.” Leo rolled his eyes, which he also narrowed at his brother. “Wouldn’t be the first time either, I swear he ogles you any chance he gets. You’ve just been too far up your own ass to notice.”

Markus wanted to snap back, telling Leo that the only person here who were up their asses was him and Gavin. He considered himself like his father when it came to getting angry, maintaining a better hold on his fury. Press him enough, though, and he was bound to snap at some point.

It was only lucky timing that the girl at the counter was finally calling out his order, thus giving him the excuse to depart from the table and the conversation accompanying it. He hadn’t grasped how much his hands were shaking until he retrieved the drink tray, or how red his face was until he caught sight of it in the reflection from the door as he headed outside.

Simon was the first one to take notice of these things when Markus climbed back into the car. He asked if something was the matter, prompting North and Josh to look back in the rearview mirrors and wonder the same things.

Despite this, Markus found that he couldn’t give any of them a true answer.

Connor had stopped by Hank’s office just a few minutes shy of 7:50.

He hadn’t said or done much, running off just as soon as he’d been handed the workout schedule he’d been promised. Hank couldn’t blame him if he’d wanted to hurry away before his classmates showed up, they were bound to laugh at him on sight.

How they bore the nerve to keep up doing such a thing he couldn’t figure, especially after what they’d done to him yesterday. Had any of them stayed up all night, tossing and turning because of remorse? Or had they slept peacefully like the shitty little brats they all were deep down inside, not caring that they’d pushed a fellow student to the brink of near hysteria.

Half and half, most likely.

Hank easily qualified for the first half, with what a troublesome night he’d had. It’d felt like an eternity before he was ever able to fall asleep, and even then he still couldn’t get that revolting imagery from the showers out of his head. Connor crying, laying curled up on the floor and jolting at every touch. The way he’d back into the corner, braying like a donkey. The toilet paper and wrapped condoms clinging to his sopping wet body.

His own furious reaction. The slap.

He was regretting that slap, hadn’t actually stopped to think how much he’d regretted it until Connor had shown up to his office that morning, wearing that same, solemn expression on his face. If he hadn’t taken off so quickly, Hank would’ve liked to apologize to him, or had the chance to explain his actions to some kind of extent.

He’d taken no pleasure in it. He really hadn’t.

What he was going to take pleasure in, was the remonstration he had in store for his class this morning. After all the years he’d spent playing nice and kissing ass, he was fully ready to let them have it today. No more coddling, no more mild curses or disguised scoldings. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

If they’d thought he was a hard-ass before, then they hadn’t seen anything yet.

The Period One bell was ringing outside his office, and one by one, his class began to shuffle into the locker room. There was the usual chatter that one would be accustomed to hearing from teenage boys; talk about girls, jokes about their anatomy, and the occasional meme being shown from someone’s cellphone. Some of them were throwing empty drink containers into the trash-can, while others didn’t look half as finished.

All this came to a halt as soon as Hank exited his office and came into the locker room, throwing the door shut behind him with a powerful bang. He wasn’t carrying his usual clipboard with him, as he did other mornings, having left it behind on his desk next to his whiskey flask. He’d taken a sip before leaving, and the taste was fresh and burning on his tongue.

“Christ, will you look at this...” he remarked, hands going to his hips as he stood amongst the now very quiet and sullen crowd of boys. Only a bit of chatter remained, while others cast glances over their shoulders while they changed. “What a shit bunch to send out to graduation you all are…”

He spotted Gavin chatting it up with Leo and Michael, a cigarette sticking out of his mouth.

“Hey you, Gavin Reed. Last I checked this place is a no-smoking zone, get that crap out of your mouth.”

“Yeah. Okay, sure.” Gavin took another drag from his cigarette, sneering his teacher’s way. A cloud of smoke parted from his lips, Leo and Michael looking as if they were about to gag on it. “And what’ll happen if I don’t?”

“I really don’t think you want an answer to that, kid. Put it out, I can wait.”

And he did, he stood back and waited while Gavin begrudgingly did as he was told, taking the cigarette from his mouth and dropping it to the floor, stomping on it with his cleats. A few of the other students were snickering, but stopped as soon as Hank started to roam the room.

“Now let’s see...oh yeah, graduation. That’s a whole month from now, isn’t it?” he said, passing by several boys who were watching him warily. “Can’t imagine you’ve had a lot of time to think about much else, huh? What with all those...senior year assignments you gotta do, not to mention prom. Tell me--and er, be honest, how many of you’ve already got dates?”

Several hands shot up at this.

“Oh good, that’s real good.” Hank nodded, stopping at the front of the room. “Well then, how about we skip track and field today? Huh? Maybe that’ll give you guys a chance to go out and buy corsages for your dates. Can’t take your date to prom without a corsage, after all.”

Some of the students who’d been warily watching him seemed to relax at this, others nodding and grinning their agreements.

“Or...you could always improvise, y’know, and make one.” Agreements came to a halt, confusion taking its place. “I’m sure there’s some wet toilet paper leftover in the trash that you could use, with the condoms in your bags. I hear those things are a favorite of yours these days.” 

Faces flushed scarlet, and heads began to drop. The grins went away, the nodding stopped, and everyone began to mumble shamefully amongst themselves. Gavin on the other hand, got up from his seat on one of the benches and began to walk towards the door.

“Hey. Wait just a minute, Reed.” Hank stepped in front of him, arms moving from his hips to crossing over his chest.  “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Anyplace where I don’t have to hear this bullshit, that’s where.” Gavin snidely replied, nose upturned. He tried to push past Hank, but was subsequently caught by his arm and thrown against one of the dull yellow lockers. Everyone winced and gasped loudly, a few “oh shit”s and “jesus christ”s the most discernible out of all.

It took Gavin a second to process what had just been done to him, then his face went a beet red. An angered rage shone over his grey eyes, and he started sputtering. He was taken aback, he clearly hadn’t expected this to happen. Hank wouldn’t have been that shocked if he’d been gloating about his misdeeds to everyone around the school like he was some kind of goddamn hero. How could he do that and not expect any kind of repercussion?

“You fucking asshole ! You can’t treat us like this!” he screamed. “You’ll get in trouble, I’ll tell my parents--”

“Do I look like I give a damn, you little shit?” Hank snapped darkly. “Look at me, I’m serious. I don’t give one single damn at all what you or anyone else says. I threw my teacher’s hat off the minute you lot showed up for class today, so don’t think for a single minute I’m wearing it right now.”

He let go of Gavin’s shoulder, stepping back from the locker and turning to face the small crowd that had gathered.

“That goes for all of you. I mean it.” he said, taking a mental note on how many of them actually looked guilty. Most looked like they’d just crapped their pants, too fearful to move should they be the next one slammed into a locker. “Pointing and laughing is one thing, but what you all did yesterday was beyond fucked up. In fact, I think every fuckin’ one of you should be downright ashamed of yourselves for it.”

Those who weren’t looking at the floor were looking elsewhere, anywhere but at their teacher. Markus’ eyes seemed to have drifted off towards the showers, like he was in thought or something.

“So what if Connor Stern got an erection, big fuckin’ deal. It was nothing to harass him over.” Hank continued, starting to move amongst the room again. “Did you forget he’s human, like the rest of you? He’s a real, feeling person, with wants and needs, not some emotionless robot. What you did to him was needlessly cruel, and not to mention, really fucking immature on top of that.”

He halted in front of Markus and his friends. Their eyes made brief contact, before he went back to surveying the rest of the group.

“And even if you weren’t involved, even if you say you didn’t do anything--” he said. “That doesn’t make it any better now, does it? Look, Connor has never done anything, to any of you. Nothing except exist. What’s stopping you from being a respectable human being and showing him some kindness? Nah, that would require some decency on all your ends, and somehow I doubt you guys even any have of that left.”

Gavin was muttering something under his breath, something about his father being a police lieutenant. Fists were clenched by his sides.

“Shut the fuck up!” His murmurs shut down, as Hank spun and growled, just mere inches from his face. Fists unfurled as he recoiled, head smacking the locker door, and he groaned.  “One more word out of you and I’ll kick your fuckin’ teeth in, you understand me?”

Gavin, apparently figuring that his teacher had gone insane, said nothing.

Hank stepped back from him, turning his attention back to the rest of the class.

“Now, as far as punishment goes...Principal Fowler was gracious enough to leave it up to me to decide, though after he heard what I had to say we ended up having to work out a bargain. See, my original idea was a two day suspension followed by a week of community service... and to bar all of you from going to prom.”

Mouths dropped open. Everyone began mumbling and griping to the person standing next to them.

“Yeah, that would’ve gotten where you hurts, wouldn’t it?” Hank chuckled deeply, unable to contain his amusement. It’d taken ten years of teaching, but he’d finally gotten the satisfaction of having to watch his class scrape their jaws up from off the floor. “As I said before, however, Principal Fowler and the rest of the school board were not quite as enthusiastic about the idea as I was. So, we ended up discussing it and decided on a one week detention instead.”

Sighs of relief. Color was coming back to their faces.

“But, there is one little catch to this detention.” The sighs caught in a number of throats, color fading away just as fast it’d came back.“Instead of sitting on your asses in some random classroom, you’ll be out on the field, and under my supervision. One hour every day, starting today. And I guarantee that by the time I’m finished with you, you’ll practically be hugging the water fountains.”

The mumbles and gripes were back, looks being exchanged. Gavin crossed his arms, snorting, and shaking his head.

“Fuck that, I’m not coming.”

“Of course not, I wouldn’t expect you to anyways, Reed.” Hank eyed the boy, whose eyes were shining bright with nothing but discontempt. “But just know if you don’t, then that’s your name scratched off the prom attendees list. And the rest of you can also expect the same thing if you don’t show up, not that I’m sure it matters to half of you, but...you only get to go to your senior prom once. It’d be awful stupid for you to miss it over something like this.”

No one had anything to say to this.

“Right, okay then. Finish changing up, maybe give yourselves some time to think about what I said.”

He left following that, leaving the crowd of sullen teenage boys to resume changing. A wave of heavy silence smothered the room like a thick fog, until Gavin turned around, yelling as he struck a random locker several times over with his fist.

“Goddamnit, god-fucking-damnit, that son of a bitch--” He hissed in pain, stooping over as he turned around towards his classmates.  “It was just a joke, he’s taking it too seriously! Guys, Leo, come on. It--it was just a stupid joke, right?”

“Are you serious right now?” Markus stepped forward, even though Josh gasped and grabbed him by the arm to hold him back. “Did everything I say at the coffee shop fly out of your head, already? It wasn’t a joke, he was screaming .”

“Who fucking cares? I don’t care!” Gavin kicked at someone’s dropped water bottle, sending it flying underneath one of the benches. “Leo, Michael, you guys don’t care right? You guys agree it was a joke?”

“Y--yeah. Yeah, sure we do.” So quick to nod and so quick to answer. Both Leo and Michael nodded, though the look on their faces seemed to be the opposite of their answer.

“See? Now look, Anderson can’t get away with this. There’s no way.” Some people had finished dressing and were heading outside. Michael and Leo were amongst them.“My dad’s a cop, I’ll--I’ll tell him what happened, he’ll come down here and sort it out. He’s good at that sort of thing, you’ll see. He won’t get away with it, not if I--”

“Enough, Gavin. Enough. Just let it go, and shut the fuck up, okay?” Someone remaining in the crowd--Markus, said. His friends stood waiting for him by the door, anxious expressions and all. No one had ever told Gavin to shut up and not walked away with a black eye--Markus least of all (and he wasn’t one to normally do so either, telling people to shut up was more North’s thing), so they possessed more than enough reason to look that way.

They must’ve been somewhat relieved when Gavin didn’t end up punching Markus, and all he ended up doing was grumbling and swearing to himself as he opened his locker back up and retrieved his gym bag from inside it.

“Fucking shit...fuckin’ bunch of sissies…” he grumbled, shutting the door with enough force to make the entire row of lockers rumble and shake. “Stern ain’t gonna be so lucky next time, I’ll make damn sure of that…”

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he pushed past Josh and Simon and stormed out of the locker room.

Chapter Text

Connor couldn’t say he understood printers very much.

Computers were one thing, it’d only taken some help from the librarian and a bit of his own trial and error until he was able to work one by himself. He’d always wondered why they’d never had one at their house; Mama didn’t seem to be against technology, since they did own a television and a radio. But then, the television was only used to play VCR tapes from Mama’s collection of sermons, and she’d never once changed the radio station to anything different.

Perhaps it had less to do with technology and more to do with the potential of sin. That was the one conclusion Connor could manage to come to, and why he’d never bothered asking her. Mama had a tendency to see sin everywhere, even in the most innocent of things. Asking her why, how, and where she saw such sins would just result in an hour long sermon.

He’d already had his fair share of those.

He didn’t need any more of them.

What he did need was help with this printer. He’d come to the library a few minutes after dropping by Mr. Anderson’s office to pick up his workout schedule, relieved to find it mostly empty minus the librarian--Mrs. Chapman, and a couple of other students. Sitting down at the furthest computer he could find, he’d pulled his notebook from his bag and had gone about copying what he’d written into a word document. 

Doing so hadn’t taken too long, once he’d figured out how to format properly, it actually wasn’t until he’d gone to print it out had he run into problems. 

Click to save, click to print. 

Select which printer he wanted to use, go to the printer and retrieve his paper. 

Only when he’d gone to do that, there’d been no paper waiting for him, or any sign that one was about to be printed.

Connor was glad hardly anyone else was here, he probably looked like an idiot trying to figure this out. Buttons had been pressed, been smacked, but this had yielded nothing. Nothing except a couple of muted snickering from a girl who was seated at one of the other computers, and a dirty look from another one who, judging by the amount of papers and books she had out on the table, was studying for a test.

Five minutes. Five minutes he’d wasted, and the hour until his next class was gradually ticking down to forty minutes. He didn’t have time for this, it wasn’t like he’d be empty handed should he decide to give up and hand in his written paper, but he didn’t want to get a half-assed grade either, not after he’d worked so hard to ensure the paper was thoroughly detailed and free of spelling errors.

He looked over to the librarian’s desk, where Mrs. Chapman was seated. She didn’t look busy, but provided the amount of times he’d had to go over and request her assistance, he didn’t want to bother her. He hated to, although she never seemed annoyed with him. Not even after the first time he’d tried to use a computer, thinking it was a small television, and had come up to her desk asking how to insert a VCR tape into it.

Surely, she wouldn’t have minded helping him out with the printer. It wasn’t like he had much in the way of options, otherwise.

Deciding he didn’t have the time to contemplate it, Connor approached her, though significantly tentative about it. Faintly, he cleared his throat, and she glanced up from the box of files she’d been sorting through, immediately smiling up towards him. After he explained what was going on, she walked with him back to the printers, where she also spent a good five minutes trying to get the ancient machine to work. Nothing much came of it, except for the confirmation that it was indeed broken, as she’d originally thought it was. 

“Probably jammed up again or something, who knows.” She huffed, shaking her head as she took a step back from it. “Nevermind, these things happen. I’ll just mention it to the janitor next time he comes around, though it honestly might be time to throw the whole thing out…”

She offered a sorry smile to Connor.

“I’m sorry, honey, really. But, as long as you have your paper already written elsewhere, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Yes ma’am--” (o sure that’s all well and good not at all it’s gonna cost me half my grade) “--thank you anyways.”

She went back to her desk, and Connor defeatedly walked back to the computer he’d been using. This was fine, this was absolutely fine. No big deal. These things happened, she said. This wasn’t the first time the printer had broken, not the first time he’d turned in a handwritten essay. What else could he do, he couldn’t wait. The janitor wouldn’t be coming until much later, not enough time for him to wait for it to be repaired. 

He’d have to settle with extracted points today, much as the idea bothered him. Ah well, what further damage could it do to his grade, it wasn’t like he was teetering on the verge of a C- or anything. He’d be lucky if he were able to hold onto that grade before the semester ended. 

(fucking perkins just wants an excuse to fail me he never liked me anyways)

Connor stopped, mid-piling his things back into his bag. Had the computer monitor….it vibrated, he’d seen it vibrating out of the corner of his eye. There was a tiny crack at the bottom of the screen, which had faded into screensaver mode.

He thought back to what had happened to his mirror the other night. How it’d wavered, spun, and broke. Broke like the lightbulb in the showers, like Principal Fowler’s pencil holder, and the basketball hoop in the gym. 

Chewing his lower lip, he took a glimpse of the clock on the wall. Thirty minutes. He still had thirty minutes until class.

He still had questions too. 

And he was in a library.

Waveringly, he placed his bag back onto the floor and sat down at the computer. He shook the mouse, stirring away the screensaver (which wasn’t anything spectacular, just the school’s logo bouncing around from corner to corner), and clicked out of the word document with his essay in it. Didn’t need that anymore.

Double-clicking brought Google up on the screen, and he sat there staring at it for a minute, trying to determine what it was exactly that he wanted to look for. Answers, yes, he wanted answers to his questions, that much he knew. But what to search...that's what he couldn’t work out.

The mirror broke, the lightbulb broke. 

The ice had come down from the sky, the stones pelted the roof. 

He remembered that, he remembered the table flipping over, and one of the chairs nearly hitting Mama. How she’d tried to stab him, how he’d heard her shriek something about him being possessed by “the devil’s power” before he’d passed out.

Power. Something about power. 

That’s what he had to search for.

He carried out numerous searches and rephrasing of said-searches before he was able to find what he was really looking for. One article led to the next, which led to a video, followed by another video, and so forth. It was the viewing and title of one more video that led him to his final search.

Telekinesis.

That was the word in the video’s title, and he didn’t know it. An online dictionary’s definition put it as “ the supposed ability to move objects at a distance by mental power or other nonphysical means”. 

Move objects, by nonphysical means. By mental power... mental . Mental was mind, and minds held thoughts. And Connor had thought these things, these strange happenings that had been going on around him. He’d thought about the mirror breaking, because he didn’t want to look at his reflection any longer. He’d imagined the stone hitting Zoe Fern in the face, the very minute she’d called him “stiff neck”, then it’d actually happened. 

He’d thought about the desk slamming into the wall when he’d gotten angry in Principal Fowler’s office, thought about the pencil holder shattering. He’d been scared when Mama held the knife over him, and then it had flown out of her hands and into the couch cushions. He’d wanted it to get stuck, he hadn’t wanted to get hurt. 

Had he done that...had he done any of that?

It seemed impossible and ludicrous all at the same time, but...maybe it wasn’t. 

Maybe not all.

Connor exited the web browser, bringing up the library’s book catalogue and repeating the same search. Five books, there were at least five books on the subject. That was good, that should be all he needed. He didn’t have as many questions now as he’d had last night, not much left to answer. 

The Period Two bell began to ring just as he’d started to write down the books’ ISBN numbers, leaving him to hastily put away his notebook and shut the computer off. Mrs. Chapman wished him well with his essay as he left, and he thanked her, sliding his school bag up his shoulder as he hurried off into the hallway to join the sea of students who were piling out from other classrooms.

On most days, Markus liked to be at least five minutes early for class. It meant having enough time to get his things organized on his desk, and let him avoid being called out for ripping open a plastic package of mechanical pencils that he’d had to buy on the way to school all because he’d forgotten his pencil case at home, and it was too late to turn around to go back and get them.

That wasn’t today, though. Today he’d remembered to bring his pencil case, and it was a good thing he had, especially considering that Mr. Anderson had made the class stay an eight extra minutes for suicide drills. He’d said that it was a small taste of what he had in store for them after classes finished today, but Markus couldn’t help but wonder if it’d also been intended as a punishment for a certain someone’s outburst in the locker rooms that morning.

There was a good chance it had been.

His father had always said you couldn’t talk sense to people who didn’t want to hear it, and what had occurred was shining proof of that. Even after being practically thrown into a locker and threatened with violence, Gavin was no closer to seeing the error of his ways than pigs were to flying. He was convinced that what he and the others had done to Connor was nothing more than a stupid joke, and no one was going to tell him otherwise.

And Markus wasn’t going to. He didn’t want to, nor did he see the point since he’d only be wasting his breath. He’d wasted his breath in Expresso, and wasted it telling him to shut up, when he knew that Gavin couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do so. 

There was simply no reasoning with people like that. None of any kind.

Markus hadn’t seen him since then, but he also wasn’t expecting to see him in English class either. No one had seen him, not since he’d charged out of the locker room. Simon figured he’d probably gone to hide in the bleachers and smoke until he’d calmed himself down, North making a quip about it while Josh laughed. 

But Markus hadn’t laughed, he couldn’t bring himself to. Not after what Mr. Anderson had told them. His words were now mixed in with Carl’s, and they were doing nothing in helping him figure out what to do about Connor. 

He hadn’t been at PE, which...wasn’t at all unexpected, so he’d thought that might give him more time to think, to decide on the right words to say before he saw him in English class. Now Markus didn’t consider himself to be very selfish, but he’d almost half-hoped that Connor had decided to skip school altogether and chose to stay home instead. 

He wouldn’t have blamed him, and it would’ve given him even more time to think--he needed more time than a day, he needed more than a few hours. He needed Connor to be far away, for at least a week, then maybe he’d have worked up a decent enough apology for him.

But no. Connor wasn’t home, he wasn’t far away. He was seated upright at his desk, in the middle of the room, and was the first thing Markus’ eyes perceived as soon as he and his friends entered Mr. Perkins’ classroom. Josh had forgotten his textbook and went to retrieve it from his locker, while Simon and North walked ahead, still joking and snickering about Gavin and the bleachers. 

Markus, however, was frozen. Motionless, standing suspended in the doorway as other students passed him by. Connor was writing in his notebook, only stopping to flinch as Jason Graff and Parker Trent passed him by, one lightly smacking him on the back of the head while the other guffawed, making a jerk off gesture with his hands. They retreated to their desks before they could get caught, leaving Connor with both eyes twitching as he dolefully lowered his head and resumed his writing. 

Markus felt his grip on his backpack strap tighten, muscles in his hand tensing. His father’s words echoed in his mind, Mr. Anderson’s words joining them, and he thought for a very brief minute that he should go over and talk to him. He could apologize now, get it over with if he wanted. Clear his conscience, smooth things over. Maybe offer to let Connor sit with him and his friends at lunch. 

Could he do that, could he manage it?

No. He couldn’t. Not at the moment, anyways.

The Period Two bell had ceased its ringing, and Mr. Perkins was almost finished writing on the blackboard, prompting Markus to abandon any idea he had of approaching Connor right now, and to instead go over to his desk and get his assignment properly organized. There was a good chance he could be called up first to read, and he didn’t want to be spilling papers on his way to the front of the classroom.

An apology could come later...not too much later, though. After all, where was the guarantee of how much longer that chance would be around?

Mr. Perkins turned from the chalkboard, placing the piece of chalk he’d been writing with on its ledge right as Josh returned from his locker and hastily stumbled into his seat, with just enough time to avoid being marked tardy. If you even dared to be one minute late in this class, that meant permanent shit on your school record...which would be really,  really  terrible to have if you planned on applying to a decent college. 

“Well, I have to say, I’m impressed to see most of you here today,” Mr. Perkins said, as he moved around to the front of his desk. He folded his hands behind his back as he did so. “I would’ve thought a good portion of you would’ve still been at the library, trying to make last minute improvements on your assignments. I can only figure that’s the case of those still absent…”

As expected, Gavin’s chair sat empty. Leo’s was also empty, in fact Tina and Michael seemed to be the only ones of the group who’d bothered to show up. 

“For the time being, however, I’ll be content to hear from those of you who are actually here.” The teacher continued, unfolding his hands. “You should have finished the assignment by now, unless a whole weekend wasn’t enough for you. Though, I can’t even bring myself to feel sorry for you if that’s the case.”

Grins cracked, eyes rolling amongst stifled snickers.

“No, I’m serious. You’re all seniors, if you don’t have a proper handle on assignments by now, then I greatly fear for your college educations.” The snickering stopped. “But nevermind, that’s a topic for a whole other day. For now, we’re going to go ahead and get started, despite ah...the circumstances of certain students not being here…ahem, so, who would like to go first?”

Nobody raised their hand. Markus hadn’t realized so, having been caught up in flipping through his notebook in order to get to last week’s notes. He caught notice upon reaching back to his backpack to get out his poetry book, spotting North with her phone out and discreetly hidden underneath her desk, other students either doing the same or looking completely disinterested in their surroundings. A quick glimpse at Mr. Perkins saw his feet tapping impatiently, and his eyes intently scanning the class. He looked on the verge of calling names out at any second. 

Exhaling lightly, Markus sat his book down and raised his hand to prevent that from happening. The day had already started out rough enough, he’d already gotten a scolding from one teacher and he quite frankly wasn’t in the mood to get one from another all because everyone else couldn’t take initiative.

“Yes, Markus. Come right up.” Mr. Perkins looked almost alleviated, feet tapping coming to a halt. North snorted next to Markus and made a teasing remark under her breath about him being a suck-up, while he extended her an inconspicuous middle finger and gathered up his book and paper, sliding out from his desk and heading to the front of the classroom.

“You can just hand me your paper now, I’ll give it a quick look while you’re reading.” The teacher extended his hand to take Markus’ essay, and headed back around his desk to retrieve his reading glasses. “Remember, we want enough time for everyone to read today, so only read the excerpt you highlighted.”

“Yes, sir.” Markus nodded, steadying the book in his hands. It was a heavy book, and very old--so old that the cover was beginning to fall apart, and he’d debated on if he should attempt to bring it to class or if he should leave it home and not bother risking it crumbling to pieces in his backpack. 

“The piece I’ve chosen to read is John Keats’ Ode to a Nightingale. ” he began, clearing his throat. 

“My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thine happiness,— 
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green, and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease.”

Sunlight streamed in through the windows, making the dust particles floating around in the air near onto visible. Most of the class seemed locked on to what he was reading, while others were still on their phones. He couldn’t tell who exactly, though, as his eyes were mostly concentrated on the text. 

“O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been
Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country green,
Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!
O for a beaker full of the warm South,
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim: 

Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget 
What thou among the leaves hast never known, 
The weariness, the fever, and the fret 
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan; 
Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last gray hairs, 
Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies; 
Where but to think is to be full of sorrow 
And leaden-eyed despairs, 
Where Beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes, 
Or new Love pine at them beyond to-morrow.”

He finished, closing the book. Classmates gave a weak round of applause, and Mr. Perkins was nodding approvingly, though Markus wasn’t sure if it was because of what he’d said or what he’d written in his paper.

“Excellent selection, Markus. Very excellent, I must say.” the teacher remarked, taking his glasses off. He settled the paper next to a stack of folders on his desk. “And from what I’m reading in your paper so far, you really seem to have a great understanding of Keats’ poetry. You could easily be looking at another solid A+ on this assignment.”

“Thank you, sir.” Markus closed the book, sliding his bookmark back into place. “I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself an expert but…”

“Nonsense, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit.” Hot air. That’s all that was, even Markus knew that paper wasn’t one of his best. Mr. Perkins would say anything nice to the more “elite” students if it meant getting in good graces with their parents.“Class, what do you think? Any erm, comments, or questions regarding Markus’ choice of poem?”

Nothing. No one. Josh looked preoccupied with getting his book and paper out and ready, while North was still on her phone. Tina tapped a pencil against her desk, looking like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what. 

“Anyone? Anything, at all?”

A whole thirty seconds of dead air passed, and Markus was beginning to consider heading back to his seat. Had begun to do so, when a small, quiet voice from the back of the room stopped him dead in his tracks.

“....I thought it was beautiful…” 

Parker Trent snorted, several other students giggling alongside him. Markus looked past them to see Connor, mouth pressed into a tight line, as he kept his eyes lowered towards his desk. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Mr. Perkins leaned forward in his seat, brows creased. “Can you repeat that, please?”

“I...me?”” More giggling. Connor looked up to the front, a startled shine in his eyes. “I just...I said that...I just said that I thought the poem was beautiful…that’s all, sir.”

Mr. Perkins pushed his chair back, getting up from his seat. He squinted, then put his glasses on, looking to verify that it was indeed the very silent Connor Stern who’d just spoken. 

“Beautiful...hm. Incredible...absolutely incredible.” he remarked, shaking his head as he once again slipped his glasses off. “I do believe that’s the first time all semester you’ve actually said something. Not anything relevant, per se, but something . Why, if I’d known it’d take a Keats poem to get you to talk, I’d have had you studying him earlier on in the year.” 

Laughter popped up from several desks, startling North from looking at her phone, and she quickly slipped it back into her backpack. Markus looked over at Connor, whose face had drained of any and all its color. Had he not been seated, he would have definitely fainted by now. 

“But, in any case, Connor, I’m afraid what you said is hardly what I asked for.” Mr. Perkins said, going back to sit down. “I don’t disagree that the poem was beautiful, but as far as that comment being helpful or a question...well, to me it just sounded like your own infatuated train of thought, and I sincerely doubt that anyone here is very interested in hearing that.”

More laughter from the desks, Connor looking even paler and causing Markus to feel a twinge of bother in his chest. 

“Okay then, if no one else has anything to say...or any heh, follow ups on Connor’s comment…” Mr. Perkins sounded like he was trying to refrain from a snort. Asshole. What a fucking asshole, he really showed his true colors when he wasn’t talking to the elites, and he didn’t bother making a point to hide it either. “Then I guess you’re done, Markus, thank you. You may go ahead and return to your seat now.”

He tucked the book under his arm, jaw tensing, and he nodded. 

Do something. Say something.

It was his own voice this time. Not his dad’s, not his teacher’s. And he wanted to listen to it, he did, but his tongue felt numb, his face burning warm.  He stayed silent, as he slid back into his seat, dropping the book back to his desk with a heavy thump. His expression was tense enough for North to take concern, and she whispered something to him under her breath about it, but he didn’t hear her.

“Alright, well. Who’s up next?” Mr. Perkins was scanning the classroom over again, as Markus went to pick up his backpack. He started to stuff his poetry book back into it, hitting a snag with some misplaced notebooks. Behind him, he heard Connor scribbling something onto a piece of paper.

“Connor?”

The scribbling came to a stop. The pencil fell, rolling across his desk, over his notebook and catching at where a dusty leather book was placed. 

“Since you seem to be in such a chatty mood today, why don’t you go ahead and come up?” A priggish smile was on the teacher’s face as he settled back against his desk, arms folded.  “Oh, but only if you were actually bothered enough to do the assignment. Can I assume you were?”

Markus stopped zipping up his backpack at this, feeling the same numbness and warmth come over him. Somehow, he’d expected this. He had, knew as soon as Mr. Perkins had poked fun that he’d be calling on Connor next. And Connor seemed to have known it too, because when Markus glanced back around to look at him, the color was back in his face and not in a good way, either. 

Both cheeks--no, his entire face--were ablaze and flushed. His eyes shone over with annoyance, something Markus couldn’t say he’d ever seen before. He looked like he wanted to snap, but his mouth stayed shut, and he picked up the dusty book, causing the pencil to resume its rolling journey to the floor.

Sniggers and shushes as he walked up to the front of the room. Shoulders hunched and head bobbed downwards. A deep sigh, form straightening and head upturning as he passed several of the desks. He handed a folded piece of paper to Mr. Perkins, then turned, almost robotically, to face the class as he flipped open the book. It looked closer to falling apart than Markus’ book had, the pages looking sharp enough to give someone a papercut. 

“I have selected an excerpt from Paradise Lost --”  Connor began, in a low and monotone voice. Someone snickered. “--written in 1663 by John Milton.”

“Of man’s first disobedience, and the fruit
Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste
Brought death into the world, and all our woe,
With loss of Eden, till one greater man
Restore us, and regain the blissful seat--”

“A little louder, please. If you can manage.” Mr. Perkins interrupted, causing more snickering. It didn’t look like he’d even begun to read Connor’s essay yet, which remained unfolded in his hands. Markus saw Connor’s grip on his book slightly tighten, knuckles going a pasty white.

“Sing Heav’nly Muse, that on the secret top
Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire
That shepherd, who first taught the chosen seed,
In the beginning how the heavens and earth
Rose out of Chaos: or if Sion hill
Delight thee more, and Siloa’s brook that flowed
Fast by the oracle of God, I thence
Invoke thy aid to my advent’rous song,
That with no middle flight intends to soar
Above th’ Aonian mount, while it pursues--”

Some students were whispering to each other, others continuing to snicker. Perkins had started to read the essay, though he was shaking his head. Connor continued to read, and Markus strangely found himself intrigued to listen further. 

“--Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme.
And chiefly thou, O Spirit, that dost prefer
Before all temples th’ upright heart and pure,
Instruct me, for thou know’st; thou from the first
Wast present, and with mighty wings outspread
Dove-like sat’st brooding on the vast abyss
And mad’st it pregnant: what in me is dark.”

The book clapped shut. Connor wrapped his arms around it, and his form went back to its former crumpled state, glancing feebly back at his teacher for approval...which it didn’t look like he’d be getting.

“My...goodness, Connor. What an...um, interesting selection.” Mr. Perkins hummed, folding the paper back up. “I wasn’t aware we were in for a sermon today. If I’d known I would’ve brought some hymnals for us all to share."

Someone near Markus let out a loud snort, others doing the same. Even North looked like she was trying to stifle a laugh, and he recognized Josh’s snickering too. Markus felt his jaw clench and the same numbness consume his tongue, the same warmth flush over his face. 

Say something. Do something. Lend a hand, for fuck’s sake. 

“I...I mean...the poem’s one of my favorites and…” Connor looked at a loss for words, almost choking on the ones he was saying. “I just thought I’d--”

“Ah, no need for that. No need at all, I’m sure there’s enough of that rambling in your paper.” Perkins held up his hand, giving the dejected Connor a dismissive wave. “And from what I’m seeing of it so far, I can already tell you it won’t be an A….but, I digress. Class? Anything for Connor and his...selection?”

No one. Nothing. Except for more giggling, snickers. Laughter, exchanged looks of teasing. Jason Graff made some crude remark, nothing that Markus wanted to hear again. 

Instead, he felt the numbness wearing off his tongue. The warmth growing stronger in his face. 

And something slipped.

“...assholes…”

He hadn’t realized he’d said it, not until his classmates had suddenly fallen quiet. North was looking wide-eyed at him, and Simon looked ready to slide down into his seat, Josh’s hand frozen mid-air as he’d been taking a sip of water from his water bottle.

Connor, on the other hand, looked more stunned than horrified. Not at all what Markus had expected from him, any other time he'd look violently ill if anyone within his radius uttered a swear. Now he just looked ...mildly surprised, if not in an astonished stupor. The book looked ready to slip from his hands, too.

Mr. Perkins seemed to be the only one who hadn’t heard what Markus had said, which was shocking given his constant eagle-eye surveillance of the classroom. He’d raised his eyebrows, standing from the desk in curious confusion.

“Markus? Something you’d care to share with the rest of the class?”

“Huh? Me?” Shit. Shit. Poor timing, real poor timing that he’d finally decided to listen to his inner voice. Was there any chance of bullshitting his way through this? Perkins would detect a lie, he was practically a walking lie detector. Markus had already gotten on his bad side once before, his first semester. Disagreeing over what Shakespeare had really intended with Romeo and Juliet. 

But, that had been a long time ago. Before Perkins had known who Markus’ father was, and decided to play nice towards him. He figured he had good a chance as any to get away with bullshitting him this time, and besides, words did tend to be his strong suit when he needed them to be.

“I said...uh…” He sat forward in his seat, spotting Connor’s pencil having rolled up next to his chair. Without as much as thinking about it, he leaned sideways and scooped it up, tapping it against his textbook. “I said that I thought Connor’s selection was...uh, was awesome. I think that uh, the poem is...um, I think it does a good job of blending elements of both hierarchy and obedience as its theme. Wouldn’t you agree, sir?”

His friends--scratch that, the entire class --must’ve been looking at him like he’d grown a third eye. He didn’t have to look at them to know, could feel it without doing so. Perkins seemed to have bought into his answer at least, but even he himself look a little befuddled by it.

“Really, well that’s uh…” He cleared his throat, shoulders heaving a slight shrug. “That’s certainly one way to see it, Markus, I’m not sure if I...huh...anyone else care to follow that up?”

Nope. It didn’t look like it, not if you were going off of everyone’s silence. Connor was staring transfixed at Markus, still seemingly trapped in his stupor, and only snapped out of it once Mr. Perkins saw fit to dismiss him. He trudged back to his desk, passing Markus by. Arms wrapped and clutching his book, eyes meeting his. 

They locked. For a brief, fleeting moment, they locked. Connor’s soft brown ones onto Markus’ one blue and one green. 

Something glittered. 

Something slipped.

He’d felt something else slip somewhere inside him, but he couldn’t say or tell what. It wasn’t an angry slip, not like the one he’d had when everyone was having a chuckle at Connor’s poem. 

He didn’t know what it was. 

And he couldn’t have told you should you have asked him. 

All he knew was that it’d slipped, and was stirring. Stirring deep, even after Connor had gone and settled himself back into his desk.

Chapter Text

Class ended at approximately 10:15, as it did most every day. The rest of its time had been fairly uneventful following Connor’s reading of his poem, and had trudged by just as slowly as any other run-of-the-mill classes before it. Nearly everyone bolted from their seats as soon as the bell had rung, and begun to collect their things before heading out the door and back into the hall. Mr. Perkins was wiping the blackboard clean with an eraser, a stack of essays placed on his desk next to where his reading glasses sat, waiting with great anticipation to be fully read and graded. 

It was arguable, though, just how many of these papers would receive the grade deserving of them. Markus couldn’t say he cared much if you’d asked him, so many of these teachers felt a pressure to let the more elite students pass or else their parents would threaten to cut off funding. 

In that regard, his grade felt less earned and more shoved towards him. 

That was a thought that had troubled him more times or another, but thanks to previous and prior events, that was not the thought troubling him now. Not what was on his mind as he stood up from his desk, swinging his backpack back over his shoulders and prepared to join his friends at the back of the room. 

“Shit, do you think Perkins is gonna dock points for not including a works cited page? I didn’t think we’d need one, since it was supposed to be our own thoughts...” Josh fretted, as Markus walked up to him and the others. “I can’t remember if that was included in the assignment guidelines or not.” 

“I don’t remember either, but I honestly don’t care.” North pulled a wrapped stick of gum from her backpack pocket, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth. She crumpled the wrapper up in her hand, cramming it into her hoodie pocket where there was no doubt several others crushed and waiting to be properly disposed of.  “You know he’s just gonna take points off for any crap he doesn’t agree with, your essay will probably be down ten points before he ever gets off the first page.”

“Oh god, if that’s the case then I can already see the red pen marks…” 

They talked on, walking out of the classroom. Casual after class banter, discussion of what their suspected grades might be, stopping in the halls long enough to decide where they would hang out in the few minutes they had to spare until their next impending class. Behind the bleachers was out of the question since Gavin was probably still there and even if he wasn’t, there was a good chance it reeked of cigarette smoke. 

“The library’s always an option, I do have some books I need to return.” Simon suggested, adjusting his backpack straps. “Maybe we could head there first, figure something out while we’re there.”

“Uh... yeah, I don’t know about that. We kinda got kicked out the last time we were there.”

“Actually, North, that was no one’s fault but your own.”

“My fault? Bitch, how dare you--”

Josh ducked, arms crossing over his head in defense as North swatted at him with her backpack, which she’d been in the process of putting back on before his statement had propelled her into her need to fight for her honor. Having held the unofficial title of group peacemaker since first grade, Simon stepped in to intervene while Markus stood back near the classroom entrance, chuckling at the sight while inattentively tossing around a pencil in his hands.

He nearly didn’t realize he was doing it until he’d almost dropped it, and he looked down, brows furrowing as he could’ve sworn he’d packed away the couple of pencils he’d pulled out during class. This couldn’t have been one of his...though it did resemble the same sort of standard number two pencils that he had in his case, complete with the same golden-brown color and pink eraser to it. 

Only it looked like this one had half the eraser chewed off, which made Markus’ brows crease even further. He never chewed his pencils, the last time he’d done so had cost him an already-loose tooth. Turning the pencil over in his hands, he was just barely able to make out the tiniest initials written onto the side. 

C.S. 

Connor Stern.

Shit.

This was Connor’s pencil. He hadn’t realized he was still holding it, had forgotten he’d even picked it up after it’d rolled off of Connor’s desk.

Tentatively, he glanced back towards the classroom. Connor wasn’t at his seat, but his things were still at his desk. Of course he hadn’t left yet, Perkins was no doubt lecturing him about handing in a handwritten paper again. In that case, maybe Markus could just slip in long enough to put the pencil back without being noticed—

No. 

The slipped-something in him quivered, the one that’d fallen when he and Connor’s eyes had met, when everyone in class had laughed at him, and the determined voice that had interrupted his thoughts during class joined it. 

No, it had said. 

No, don’t do that. Use this as your chance, Markus. Apologize, like your dad said. Show you care, be kind. Why, the opportunity was practically presenting itself, how dare he think of continuing on in this same ignorant mindset when he’d already made a step towards apologies earlier on?

He had. He had made a step, hadn’t he? He’d spoken up, he’d not meant to, but he had… if he could manage to do that much involuntarily, what was stopping him from doing something voluntarily except his own cowardice?

That had to be it. He couldn’t think of anything else.

“Markus?”

The pencil almost slipped from his grasp and he gripped it, swallowing hard as he looked back to his friends. 

“Hh—yeah? What’s going on?”

“What’s going on? Seriously?” North huffed, popping a gum bubble that exploded in a small burst of red. “Library, we’re going there. You coming?”

“Erm…” He glanced back around again, seeing that Connor was heading back to his desk. His downturned head and reddened cheeks told him that the conversation with Perkins had been exactly what he’d thought it to be. “Actually...yeah, uh, you guys go ahead without me. I gotta take care of something first.”

North sucked her gum back into her mouth, raising an eyebrow. 

“What do you gotta--”

“It’s just—I don’t know, it’s something, North. Don’t worry about it.” He was trying not to look back at Connor again, but he could hear the zipper on his bag being pulled back. “I’ll be along in five minutes, okay?”

Next eyebrow raised. A look of suspicion appearing North’s face, and she shrugged.

“Okay. Okay, sure. Well,  I guess we’ll be waiting, then.” She pulled her backpack back on, popping a gum bubble slightly larger than the last. “Come on, guys, let’s go.”

“Right, coming.” 

“Please tell me you’re gonna spit your gum out before we go in--”

The three of them walked away from Markus, beginning yet another long winding discussion that could be heard even as they were halfway down the hall from him. They suspected something, for sure. He could tell they did, North had glanced at him over her shoulder before they’d disappeared down the next hall...he supposed he couldn’t blame her. Even he knew that he hadn’t been acting like his usual self today, and that was more than enough reason for them to be concerned.

He’d give it until lunchtime before they started to press him about it.

Until then, there were more urgent matters at hand...not that giving a pencil back was considered to be something terribly urgent, but this was his chance to correct a wrong. A chance to let his mind finally be free of the guilt that had been weighing it down for the past twenty-some hours since the showers incident had occurred. And maybe it would give Connor some peace of mind too, even if Markus still wasn’t sure he’d be inclined to accept his apology considering almost no one had ever bothered to apologize to him before and mean it. 

This might end up being a first for both of them.

He was just getting back up from his desk when Markus went to approach him. Head bowed, locks of dark brown hair obscuring his eyes which were concentrated on the contents of his unzipped bag. By the looks of things, the zipper had either gotten caught on the fabric of the bag or against one of the books inside it, Markus couldn’t tell. 

“Hey...Connor?”

A thud. The bag slipped from Connor’s hands, though it was hanging from his shoulder so all it really did was smack into the back of his chair. He glanced up at Markus with a startled wince, as if he were expecting some sort of crude remark or blow to the face. 

Because of course, that was what he was accustomed to getting when people talked to him. 

“Huh?”

He spoke in a faint, subdued voice, gathering the bag back into his hands. With one hand he brushed the locks of hair from his eyes, inadvertently allowing Markus a better look at his face, which was almost always obscured from his vision with how often his head was lowered. Dark, weathered bags hung under his eyes, suggesting a poor night’s sleep. Lips not quite full, but bright pink and pressed together. Skin pale as always--and now Markus noticed for the first time, the tiny splash of freckles on his nose and the various moles and marks dotting the rest of his face. 

Dare his mind allow him such a thought, he didn’t think Connor was that bad looking. A bit plain, perhaps, but not awful, not in the slightest, and not at all like those horrid caricatures he’d seen scrawled onto the bathroom stalls.

“I... er…” Markus tried to smile, he wanted to smile, to put Connor at ease.  He looked quite uneasy and panicky, a bit terror-stricken too. A combination of all those things put together. “Um... I uh, here... here, your pencil. It fell off your desk when you got up to read your poem, just thought I’d give it back.”

He extended the pencil towards the other boy who looked at it—and Markus—as if he were offering him a vial of poison. Eyes squinting in...something...suspicion or confusion, Markus wasn’t so sure. Whatever it was remained, and the pencil was taken from his hand, Connor slipping it back into his bag, which he managed to unsnag from whatever it was caught on in the first place, and zipped it back up.

“Thank you…” he murmured, releasing his bag to flop awkwardly by his side. He didn’t look at all eased by Markus’ smile, pupils wide and face depleted of the red formerly smothering it. It was something akin to a deer in the headlights sort of expression, if you had to precisely define it. 

“You’re uh, you’re welcome...actually, um,” Connor was beginning to leave, Markus hurrying to keep up with him. He was moving quite briskly, no doubt in a hurry to be rid of any potentially unpleasant company.  “Actually, hey, I wanted to thank you too…”

They stopped in the doorway. Connor lifted his head, looking at Markus with a mystified expression to replace the formerly cautious one. 

“You...you wanna thank me? What for?”

“For what you said about my poem. I know it wasn’t what Perkins was asking for, but…” Markus shrugged, slipping a hand into his jeans pocket. “It was nice. I appreciate it.”

He said nothing. Just blinked. Jesus, was this the first time someone had ever bothered to hold a decent conversation with him--actually, yes. Yes it was, that was a question Markus could easily answer himself after spending eleven years watching the exact opposite happen to him. His brain cells were, in all probability, imploding on themselves from the fact that this conversation was even happening in the first place.

“I also um--” Shit. Shit, he was walking away, he’d started to walk away again. Perkins was snapping at them to stop blocking the doorway and to get out of the classroom, Markus quickly obliging. He caught up with Connor, who was probably intent on heading to his locker and being left alone.

“Hey, hey wait—wait up, there’s something else--” Connor stopped, going rigid right there in the middle of the hall. He didn’t turn to face Markus entirely, only turning his head back to look at him. He looked leery, ready to turn back around and to keep walking.

“About...uh, what happened yesterday, in the showers...” Several students passed them by, offering confused and curious glances but not stopping long enough to see what was going on. “Look, I just wanted to...to say sorry, I guess. I didn’t mean to just...stand around, it’s just that...well, I mean, if there’s anything--”

“Stop it.”

He did. Markus did stop, jaw snapping shut in surprise. There was a weary bitterness in Connor’s voice, so much unlike the monotone everyone knew him for. Something horrid, awful, flashed over his eyes, and Markus felt the slipped-something tremble.

“I...what? Connor, I’m--”

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?” Steps. Connor was taking several steps towards him, hands firmly clutching his bag strap. His knuckles were going white, just as when he’d been holding his book. “No, I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m not falling for it. You’re not sorry, none of you ever are.”

“But--”

“No! No, stop, I—I’m—look, I’ve got some things I’ve gotta do before class so—would you please just leave me alone?”

He turned away, preparing to continue his march back to his locker. Markus stayed standing in the middle of the hall, in a dumbfounded daze, but the slipped-something trembled again, causing him to break out of it and persist after the other boy. 

“Wait, Connor I--” He reached to grab his arm, more students passing by with quizzical expressions. “I’m not tricking you, I swear I’m not--”

“I said leave me alone!” Connor shrilled, yanking his arm free of Markus’s grasp. At the same time and without warning, a locker door near them swung open, and several papers and books fell out of it, startling the girl who’d been conversing with her friend next to it.

“What the hell was that-” She sighed, kneeling, and began to gather the papers, her friend quickly joining her. Markus glanced over at the mess, then back to where Connor had been standing in front of him, only to find that he’d taken off

Well.

That hadn’t gone how he’d wanted. How he’d expected yes, but wanted? 

Definitely not. Definitely not at all. 

Because instead of a clear conscience, he only felt as though he’d just made things worse.

There were only a few times in the week when the stadium field would see activity. One would be P.E. class in the morning, sometimes football practice or baseball practice in the late afternoon. In-between classes it sat mostly empty, save for if the janitor had finally stopped putting off the menial task of hosing down sports equipment, or if a few students decided to hang out on the bleachers before their next classes started. 

And seeing as it was currently in-between classes at the moment, this was the exact picture currently set upon the field. Equipment--mainly things for track and field—were lined up on the track, the janitor standing lackadaisically before them with the hose in his hand.  Student groups of about four or five were doled out amongst the bleachers, textbooks, notebooks, and papers were strewn about as some attempted to last-minute study from them before their next class. Others conversed with their friends, only having to stop midway to chase after a piece of paper that had flown loose from their binder. 

It shouldn't have come as a shock to anyone to know that Gavin was not sitting amongst any of these groups. 

He never was, normally, and had instead been leaned back up against the bleachers for the past hour. The butt of a Marlboro sat propped between his fingers, the tips of which had just started to stain a puke yellow. A dark, dirty substance was caked under his nails, but whether it was ash from his cigarette or dirt from his surroundings, you couldn't exactly tell from a first glance.

What you could tell, from a first glance, however, was that he was angry—wait. No. 

No, he wasn’t angry. He was  pissed . 

His friends had unquestionably known him long enough to know when he was pissed, which was why none of them had said a word to him for the past ten minutes. As soon as the bell had rung to let them out of English, Tina and Michael came to join them--him and Leo, behind the bleachers, as that was where they always hung out for most of the day, but instead of sharing cigarettes and quips about their peers and teachers, the entire group was seated--or standing--and not sharing or saying a single word. 

Truth was, none of them wanted to say anything, nor did they dare to. Trying to speak around a pissed-off Gavin Reed was the equivalent of stepping on a lego, as either way, you were gonna be in pain very shortly. 

So with that being the fact, it really wasn’t worth trying. And none of them had bothered, thus allowing the next ten-now-thirteen minutes to pass by as slowly as possible. 

Tina sat on the ground, legs crossed as she scrolled through her phone, Michael standing next to her with his hands pressed into his pockets, head bent, and foot kicking up a small pile of dirt. Leo was seated on an upturned recycling bin, hunched over with his knees pressed to his chest. A pile of Gavin’s discarded marlboro butts had accumulated by his feet, but he didn’t complain about them, or the smell.

There were about six, last he’d counted, six soon turning to seven as Gavin cursed and tossed his current cigarette to the ground, not even bothering to stamp it out. Ashes fluttered about, some settling on the ground, some on Leo’s sneakers. He would’ve thought to protest, but knew better than to do that right now.

He’d be better off explaining the stains as his own, rather than having to explain why he’d come home with a black eye for the hundredth time.

“That son of a bitch—that fuckin’ bluenosed goody-two shoes!” Gavin kicked at the bleachers suddenly, causing a loud clang to rattle all throughout them. Tina squealed, dropping her phone out of fright, and Michael startled, hands flying from his pockets. “It’s all his fault! Screamin’ like a goddamn goat, I should’a just kicked his face in so he’d stop--”

“Gavin, c’mon. You know that would’ve only made things worse.” Leo muttered. He began to kick at the pile of marlboros, unintentionally allowing more ash to tarnish his shoes. His mom was going to throw a fit, she’d just bought these for him a few weeks back-- 

“I—shit, I don’t fucking care! Would’ve served the little bitch right!” Tina dove to retrieve her phone, as Gavin stormed forward, grabbing fistfuls of his unbrushed hair in frustration. “Fucker can’t take a joke—he’s never been able to take a joke...God, like, you would’a thought we were killing him or something!”

Hands collapsed to his sides, fists curling and uncurling. He began to twitch, tapping his foot at an erratic pace, before whirling back towards his friends.

“And--and fucking Anderson. Did you see him, acting like he’s tough shit—fuck, fuck! I hate them, him and Stern! This whole goddamn school--” He growled, fumbling through his jacket for his cigarette pack. “They’re all a buncha pussies, that’s all they are. That’s all they fucking are, thinking they can get away with this bullshit…”

“But they won’t! Right?” Michael dared to pipe up, from his spot next to Tina. Gavin glared at him, and he shrunk back. “...I—I mean, you said you were gonna tell your dad…maybe he…”

“What? Fuck no I ain’t telling him! He’ll fuck me up the minute I mention anything about getting in trouble again.” Gavin pulled a stick from his pack, shaking his head. “I only mentioned him so Anderson would back off, and erm, that clearly didn’t work the way I wanted it to.”

He stuck the Marlboro in his mouth and held his hand out towards Leo, who jumped up from his seat and pulled out his lighter from the left pocket of his jacket, handing it over to him. He took it, having to flick it twice before it turned on, and lit his cigarette, taking a long drag from it.

“Nah, the way I see it...we gotta handle this ourselves.”

The hours went and came. Classes passed by drearily, without so much usual focus and concentration on Markus’ end. He’d sat at his desk, taking down notes, and answering questions to his best extent, hoping to have found some kind of concentration after his attempt at apologizing had gone so terribly. He’d hoped, so inanely, that he’d somehow managed to give himself some peace of mind for the sole fact that he’d at least tried ...but no. 

No.

There was no peace of mind to be had, because he’d tried , and he’d failed . Connor, as expected, hadn’t believed a word he’d said, and now he was right back at the starting line of not knowing what to do. 

He knew he had to try again, much as part of him didn’t want to.

This was going to take effort, given that Connor was...Connor, and given his track record of being tricked, had every right to be as guarded as he was. He’d considered giving it another go after History, but Connor had immediately made a beeline for the door and taken off before he could even get up from his desk. 

Finding him now wasn’t shaping up to be much of an option either, as it didn’t look like he was anywhere to be found in the cafeteria. At least, not from what he could see from where he was sitting, and getting up to find him later was simply not an option right now. 

He’d searched whilst standing in the lunch eyes, eyes scanning over the vast sea of students, trying, hoping to spot Connor somewhere. He always sat at the same table, a couple down from him and his friends, so he’d hoped that maybe he’d be able to go over and talk to him before he sat down, attempt a take two at apologizing. 

But no. No such luck. Connor’s table was empty, and Markus had been left to go join his friends. He’d thought to maybe wait a bit, excuse himself to the bathroom so he could go look again, but decided not to. He was already acting suspicious enough right now as was, and leaving in the middle of eating, and his friends’ conversation, would not help at all should he decide to do that. 

He couldn’t, not when they were already so suspicious of his frequently shifting mood today. All day they’d either questioned him and/or given him matching expressions, so he’d tried to play it off as a bad case of senioritis, that he was only stressed over all his assignments, and insisted that there was nothing else going on. 

Too bad for him, that they’d all known each other since first grade. Which meant that they knew when he was lying, but they’d never outright say so. It was more or less a matter of time to them, waiting to see how long it would be before he would say something. They would only ask him themselves should he remain quiet, act oddly, or make excuses.

Which was what he’d done and was continuing to do right now. 

They said nothing of it at first, didn’t seem like they were about to until Markus wondered out loud if anyone of them had seen Connor anywhere. He hadn’t meant to ask, hadn’t meant to let it slip out like that—but he also had a bad habit to think out loud without meaning to sometimes. 

None of them seemed too bothered by his question, though North had briefly casted a suspiciously raised eyebrow his way, similar to the one he’d seen from her when he’d excused himself from going to the library earlier.  Simon mentioned that he’d seen Connor heading out of the cafeteria while he’d been getting his drink, but he didn’t know where he’d gone off to. 

Markus almost got up right then and there, but had to mentally remind himself that even if he had some indication as to where Connor had run off to, he actually didn’t know where. Not to mention there was no way he could get away with up and leaving, not with how he’d been acting lately. 

Which, not at all to his surprise, ended up being the next topic of conversation. 

He’d been right in guessing they’d confront him about it at lunch, he just figured they’d been waiting for the right moment to do so. 

So he complied to tell them. 

It was all he could do, really, now that he’d let Connor’s name slip, there was no way he’d be able to skirt around the issue for much longer. 

“Okay, yeah. So, I’m not able to get it off my mind…”  he admitted dolefully, merely picking at the fries on his plate. With the slipped-something still flopping around in his stomach, he felt closer to vomiting than to attempting to eat. “What happened yesterday, I mean...and after what my dad and Mr. Anderson said, I don’t know. Normally I’d just brush these things off but…”

He dropped his fork, shrugging.

“I can’t. Not this time.”

“All right, but is it really that big of a deal though?” North questioned, taking a huge bite out of her sandwich. She chewed as she spoke, voice sounding muffled beneath chomps of watercress and cucumber. “I mean, we’ve all known Connor since elementary school. He’s a magnet for this kinda shit, if anything we should be desentized to it by now.”

“Considering how horrible that sounds, I almost don’t wanna agree…” Josh said. He was in the process of peeling an apple. “But North’s got a point, Markus. Yeah, what happened was awful, but is it any different from any of the other crap Connor’s been put through?”

“It is!” Markus’ sudden snap startled Josh into dropping his apple, and Simon, who’d been fighting to open a chip bag for nigh on to five minutes now. “Fuck, I’m...sorry, I’m sorry, alright? I just can’t get it out of my head...Connor screaming like that, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that terrified before.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard him scream either, he’s always taken it so quietly. Tell me, how is it the same as anything else we’ve done to him, Josh?”

“Well I—wait, we ? What do you mean we? ”

“Yeah, what are you going on about?” Simon chimed in, gathering back up the chips that’d scattered from his bag. “We’ve never done anything to Connor, not since we’ve known him.”

“ That. That’s what I mean.” Markus pointed out, having picked his fork back up and resuming in stabbing his fries. “We’ve never done anything, nothing except stand back and watch while it happens. How come we do that, how come we’ve never tried to step in and put a stop to any of it?”

“Uh, because we’ll get our asses kicked?” Simon offered, North snorting from in front of him. “Seriously, Markus, Gavin was ready to hit you for just talking in Connor’s defense. Imagine what he’d do if you actually tried to fight him, you’d be coming back to school in a body cast.”

“God, but it’d be so worth it, wouldn’t it?” North interjected,  brushing crumbs off her hands. “Imagine being the one who finally got to hand Gavin Reed’s ass to him, that’d have to earn you some kind of cred in the yearbook. Like...shit, I’d gladly do it myself if Fowler wasn’t breathing down my neck all the time.”

“Mmmhm, and what exactly would that change?” Josh said, setting his apple down. “Say Fowler wasn’t breathing down your neck, and you did get to be the one to to do it ...I doubt that it’d make Gavin any less of an asshole than he is now.”

“Right.” Markus picked a fry off his fork, nibbling at it. “Which...which is why its not on Gavin to have a change of heart…”

He took a bite and swallowed hard, his food feeling like rocks going down his throat.

“Maybe...maybe it’s up to all of us instead.”

“Us?” Almost all three of his friends spoke at the same time, each with the same puzzled expression. 

“Why not? Someone has to.” 

“Yes, but why us?” North nearly choked on her next mouthful of sandwich, smacking her fist against her chest. “We’ve never hurt him, what do we have to apologize for?”

“What do you think, North?” Markus straightened in his seat, crossing his arms atop the table. “Think back to what I said. We’ve never stepped in to help him, to see if he was okay. Never tried to be his friend. All these years we’ve done nothing , and what for?”

He stabbed at a couple more fries, before dropping his fork again, sighing heavily. His friends were quiet.

“I keep thinking back to what my dad told me… about that kid in his school, and how he wished he’d done something to help him…” The slipped-something was settling down. It wasn’t quivering as much anymore. “... and—and I understand if you guys don’t get it... but... I just don’t want to hold that same feeling of regret for the rest of my life.”

It was gone. The quivering in his stomach had stopped, but he knew it’d only be back later. Even so, it felt good to have finally said all of that out loud.

He looked back up to his friends, who were still quiet. Each exchanged looks with one another, wondering, curious looks... questioning looks, and Markus couldn’t help but wonder if they were telepathically discussing something he didn’t know about. He had to wonder it sometimes, or if they’d all known each other long enough to where words weren’t needed in times like this.

Finally, he saw North giving Josh a nod, Josh doing the same to Simon. They all looked towards Markus, sullenly and calmly.

And once again, it didn’t seem like words were needed to figure out what they meant.

Chapter Text

Connor sat at the foot of his bed, pants, shirt, belt and the like sitting in a crumpled heap beside his feet. His pajamas lay beside him on the mattress, folded, untouched. He was bare, exposed—dressed in nothing but a pair of black cotton boxers he’d put on after getting out of the bathtub. One pale arm each rested on his legs, hands stiffly wound together as he hunched forward, eyes squeezed shut. His crucifix dangling from his neck, resting against his chest.

Inhale.

Mama would surely balk at him, should she come up here to see him like this. 

Exhale.

Oh, the things she would say, the verses she would spew, if she could even be bothered to leave her nauseatingly saccharine songs from the radio that he could hear even now, despite it being nearly nine o’clock at night. He could hear them, those songs, her voice, her sewing machine. Had been listening to them for the time he’d been upstairs, doing the assigned workouts Mr. Anderson had written out for him--had heard them still, when he’d gone to the bathroom to scrub the sweat from his body.

She wouldn’t be coming up here, tonight. She couldn’t be bothered to.

Not that Connor actually cared whether she did or not. For once, that was actually the furthest thought from his mind. 

Instead, he’d been reflecting. 

Had been, since he’d gotten home...not that he’d had much else to do or much else waiting for him. These past couple of days...they’d been the most overwhelming days, he thought, that he’d ever had to live through. The showers, the pain,  the mocking voices all swimming about him. Speaking—actually daring to speak—in class. To say something, to have something said to him. About his poem, about him…

All of that. All of that, and then some. 

In all his seventeen years of existing, he’d never found himself this bothered, this fixated on anything that had ever happened to him... come to think of it, not even having his kayak tipped over at Christian summer camp had ever occupied his mindspace this much.

But then, nothing had broken when his kayak tipped over. Nothing except the oar he’d been using, and that was only because it’d gotten caught on one of the buoys. Nothing had been triggered...not like this. Not like anything that had happened yesterday, not anything that had happened today, like the computer monitor cracking, and...the locker swinging open when Markus was trying to talk to him.

Inhale.

Markus...

God... fuck, fuck he wished Markus hadn’t talked to him! He wished it so badly, because it was bothering him something fierce. Why in the ever-loving shit did he think he was helping things, why’d he think...to talk to him... in the first place. 

He hadn’t...shit; he hadn’t had to be nice like that. 

He didn’t have to pretend.  

Connor hadn’t needed his pencil back that badly, he didn’t ask him to give it back. He could’ve just left it, kept it---

Exhale.

His eyes popped open as he gasped for air, looking towards the antique dresser in front of him, hands unwinding. The polish and paint on it was chipping away, the bronze knobs having gone rusty years before Connor had ever been born. The same could be said for everything else in this house, but it wasn’t what he was concerned with right now.

He was instead concerned with what sat atop it.

The broken mirror was gone, all glass having been disposed of and the rim thrown away. In its place sat three of the books he’d brought home from the school library today, closed and marked with some of Mama’s needlepoint and crochet bookmarks he’d taken from the small box on the downstairs bookshelf.

This was what he stared at, fixated on. Eyes locking fastly on, hands winding back together, fingers bending and knuckles cracking. 

Okay, so maybe it was dishonest to say he’d only been reflecting tonight. To be perfectly honest, he’d done much more than that—as following dinner with Mama, he’d excused himself back upstairs to his room to do homework…which, he did do, albeit very rushed. It felt like all the books he’d checked out from the library had been practically burning a hole in his bag the longer he waited, the longer he put off looking at them. He’d told himself he’d wait, that he’d read the assigned chapters of his History book first, maybe do a bit of his Chemistry reading too…

At least he could say he’d tried to do those things.

It wasn’t until he was twenty minutes into his History reading did he throw that book aside, and clamored over to his bag, heart racing with sheer, bursting anticipation as he tore it open to pull the other books out. One, two, three, four. 

Five.

All five of them.

Connor supposed he’d looked pretty funny, coming up to the checkout desk with a whole stack of books about...well, what was pretty much just magic powers. Mrs. Chapman hadn’t seemed too bothered by it, nor had she asked him, though she shot him a curious eye while she was scanning them. 

“It’s...for a school project. Book reports.”

Was what he’d said...what he’d fibbed, actually. He didn’t feel good doing it, but he also didn’t feel good about that curious eye she’d given him either. It wasn’t anything he was going to stress over though; he had the books, and for the past three hours, had been pouring over them studiously as if it really were for a school project.

Of course, he hadn’t realized it’d been three hours until he’d bothered to take a look at the little alarm clock on his nightstand. By that point in the evening, his back and legs had gone rigidly stiff and were all but begging him to stand up, so he obliged. He did stand up, suddenly remembering he hadn’t done his assigned workouts yet, and that Mama was likely waiting for him to come down and tell her he was ready for bed.

So regretfully and as much he didn’t want to, he pushed the books aside and went about doing those things. He exercised, push-ups had been assigned for tonight...alongside a dozen sit-ups, and twenty squats. 

He’d gone downstairs following that, to tell Mama he was going to take a quick bath before he went to bed. After allowing her usual bitter kiss to his hands, and pressing a kiss to her cheek with a promise that he’d say his prayers, Connor had retreated to their tiny bathroom, filled the tub up halfway before climbing in. 

And it was during his time soaking in the tub that a new thought occurred to him. 

Not an old, recurring thought. 

Not a thought of cruel words.

A brand new one.

Words from his book were in his vision, clear as day, swimming around with that new thought. He’d read something about exercising the mind, practicing, bending and flexing...and he’d figured, if he’d just gone about doing that with his body, why not do the same for his mind?

The very idea of doing such a thing made him tremble with excitement, and he could barely get out of the tub without slipping on the bathroom tile. In his haste, he’d only pulled on his boxers and carried all clothing back with him to his room. 

The clothing was a second thought, the clothing could come later.

He didn’t care about that right now, didn’t want to think about that or anything else that’d been preoccupying his mind for the past couple of days. He needed his mind to be clear, to be free. That’s what the book had said, he needed to have complete and utter focus…

Focus…

A shaky inhale. He swallowed hard, his throat dry. Eyes shut again.

Sweep. Sweep away all distractions, all other thoughts. 

No more poem, no more lightbulbs. No more shower, no more of Them.

No more Markus.

Sweep them like you swept the glass.

Goodbye.

Eyes back open. Sitting up, Connor released his hands, allowing them to fall beside him. He looked back to the book, jaw clenching tensely.

This couldn’t be like the mirror. That’d been an accident. 

This had to be on purpose.

Flex.

The book flew open. It did, it had—it’d flown open. Pages flew by, fast and quick. His window was closed, it couldn’t be the wind doing that, even if it was awful windy tonight--

Flex.

Fat globs of sweat were breaking out on his forehead, others rolling down his back, down his arms. He grunted, panted, digging his fingers into the quilt covering his bed. Pages continued to flip, continued to fly by. The book began to slide from the dresser, sliding, sliding—it should’ve fallen, it didn’t fall. Floating, it floated. Hovering there right in front of him, as if attached to an imaginary string from the ceiling.

More sweaty globs. Throat going even dryer.

He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, could feel it thumping harshly against his ribcage, hard enough to maybe break it.  Clench. He clenched his fingers even tighter into the quilt, gathering the fabric into his hands. 

Higher. Higher. He wanted the book to go higher. Wanted to see it spin.

(more more more i want more)

Another book slipped. Another book floated, dangled. All three, spun and pages flipped, as Connor stared up at them, eyes wide with a sort of mad, childish glee. 

(lift lift lift it all)

He envisioned his bed—frame, mattress and all— lifting from where it’d spent years nailed into the floorboards. A crack, a whine from the nails as they came loose, creaking from the springs, the frame bending and splintering as its end began to lift. 

Why, if any doctor could’ve gotten the opportunity to take his vitals at this very present moment, there was an incredibly good chance his blood pressure would’ve been enough to send anyone else to the hospital. Veins visibly pulsed in his temples, in his arms. Body temperature went up, and down in a constant, his skin being too hot to touch at one minute and too cold the next.

Truly, what was happening must be some sort of miracle. For him not to be dead, and for him to be doing all of this. He could see that he was doing these things now, realized it. It wasn’t an unconscious act like everything else had been; it was all him.

Release.

All at once, the books shut, pages stopped turning, as they and the bed frame were each dropped to the floor with a solid thump. Connor’s breathing steadied, he fell back onto the bed. A great ache had begun to drum at the back of his skull, and his chest felt like it was burning, but he was smiling nonetheless. 

God had listened to him. He’d listened to his pleas--had been listening this whole time.

And now He’d answered them, at last.

"Connor? What’s going on up there?"

His mother's voice suddenly tore him from his newfound euphoria, and he jolted upwards with a start. Her footsteps, he could hear them coming up the stairs. Why was she coming up, why--she couldn't have heard him, could she? Not through the music on the radio, not with that god awful racket coming from her sewing machine. Those things combined were louder than anything that'd been occurring up here--

Unless. 

Unless they weren't.  Not that he'd noticed before provided his...concentration, but it was... deathly quiet downstairs. No songs, no sewing machine. Just silence, and Mama's footsteps, which were dangerously close to approaching his room. What was the chance she’d finished her work in enough time to hear the books hit the floor, the bed...

She had. She definitely had, or else she wouldn’t be coming up here.

Leaping off the bed, Connor gathered up the books and shoved them underneath his bed alongside his school bag. Into the laundry hamper went his clothes from the day, and onto his body went his pajamas, which had inadvertently unfolded when his bed frame hit the floor. 

The steps stopped at his door.

“Connor!” Mama’s voice sounded scared, frantic. He could only recall one other time in his life when she’d sounded that way, when he’d made the stones come. The door was shaking, door knob clicking and resisting at her attempts to open it.  Buttoning up the very last button on his pajamas, Connor pulled his covers back and climbed into bed.

Unlock.

A solid click. No resistance. 

The door creaked open, several seconds passed before he could faintly see Mama’s shadow spilling onto his bedroom walls, dark and unwelcoming. Something was in her hand, he couldn’t discern what exactly, only that it looked to be very sharp and very alarming. 

“Connor?”

Connor said nothing, did nothing, instead laying perfectly still, on his side, face obscured. Blanket halfway pulled up to his waist, as Mama neared his bed. He heard a soft clunk, something scraping his nightstand. She’d sat the sharp thing down, good. O good.

Shudders rippled his body as she placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. The other hand raked through his hair, combing back just enough for her to kiss his forehead. 

Bitter. Icy. 

“Don’t be scared, Connor… I’m here. I'll always be here.” Her voice was quiet now, very quiet, and a little less frantic than before. She was grabbing his blankets, he could feel them being pulled up to his chest. “You’re safe here, you’re safe from them, with me. And I’ll always  protect you…”

Protect.  

Protect. 

Is that what the sharp thing was for, Mama?

His lower lip twitched, eyes now closed. 

(move it fly fly like the knife did into the couch)

A shing as whatever it was flew off his nightstand, stabbing the floorboards. Mama jumped from his bed with a gasp, probably pressing a hand to her chest. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that she’d done that. 

Still, not seeing it didn’t prevent a snicker from bubbling up in his chest.

It was Monday afternoon, lunchtime to be exact, when he’d decided to ask him.

Now to be fair, Markus hadn’t even realized it was Monday at first, not until they’d gotten to Expresso’s and Josh stepped out of the car to grab everyone’s coffee orders. 

And by God, did they all need the coffee.

He was beginning to feel a bit awful for involving his friends in this whole be-nice-to-Connor business; they looked almost half as tired as he’d felt the first few days after it happened. And after almost a week of trying to make amends and failing thereafter, it was a wonder that none of them had given up and opted to do otherwise.

It was reaching that point, though.

Markus was never one to run out of ideas, but anything he had come up with and anything they’d tried to do wasn’t proving to be enough. Try talking to Connor after class? That was a no go, he’d leave as soon as the bell began to ring. No use chasing him down in the halls either, especially given how Simon had pointed that action out to be a bit stalker ish, not to mention desperate. Of course, Markus had wanted to argue that they were desperate, but he knew that wasn’t enough to justify doing it, which subsequently ruled it out. Josh had then suggested they try a less aggressive approach, maybe some smaller efforts to ease Connor into feeling comfortable in talking to them. Such smaller efforts involved saying hello, stopping to help him pick up anything he might’ve dropped. Hell, they’d even taken to cleaning up graffiti from his locker before the janitor could get around to doing it, even if it had earned them weird, questioning looks from passing students.

But even so, none of that seemed to do any good either. Any efforts so far had gone to waste, and all it resulted in was Connor’s avoidance of them.

Markus tried to make himself and the others feel better with the reassurance that’d it barely been a week, that that wasn’t enough time to erase eleven years worth of mistakes, and that they couldn’t expect Connor to instantaneously warm up to them. Even with these thoughts in mind, though, none of them could feel comforted, none of them could feel at ease. 

Not when it was feeling like nothing they could do would ever be good enough. A thought, a worry, that Markus couldn’t help but feel contributed as to what he was about to do now. 

Well, that and he could blame North for forcing him into it.

The two of them had been hanging out at her house on a Saturday afternoon when she first brought it up, as she was still grounded due to her having detention that week. At first, there’d been no indication of  that  kind of discussion coming up, as one minute they’d been seated in the living room, snug and comfy with snacks and a movie—and in the next, North had made her suggestion.

“Why don’t you just take him to prom?”

At this, Markus had come critically close to choking on the handful of M&Ms he’d popped into his mouth, and had spent an entire minute trying to recover his voice.

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“The prom. Take Connor, he can be your date.” North had sounded so nonchalant, so casual in suggesting it that he’d had to wonder if she’d been fucking with him at first. Often times with her, it was hard to tell whether or not she was being serious... which, most of the times, she wasn’t.

But she was this time. Dead serious, in fact. There was no joking grin on her face, no air to her tone, instead an unusually dark and contemplative glimmer shining in her eyes. Like she’d been thinking about this for a while, had been waiting for the correct moment to bring it up. 

“Fuck I...North, come on…” He’d made the wise decision to set aside his M&Ms on the coffee table, just in the case that she’d say something else that would indisputably send him into a choking fit. This conversation didn’t seem like it was remotely close to being over and he didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of ending up in the E.R. because of a dislodged piece of candy. “I know we’re at our wit’s end over Connor but...what the hell? Are you crazy?”

“I don’t have to answer that.” North then shifted in her seat, pulled a pillow into her lap. She’d started to play with a button that was coming loose. “You’ve known me since we were old enough to play with Legos, Markus, you figure it out.”

“Okay, fair enough. But what do you mean—I mean, taking him to the prom--”

“Exactly what I meant when I said it. Ask him to go with you, it’s as simple as that.” She’d stopped playing with the button and threw the pillow aside, swung her legs up to rest on the couch. “Okay, maybe it won’t be that simple considering he’s...him...but it’s worth a shot isn’t it?”

“I fail to see how—he won’t even talk to us, let alone me.” Markus had pointed out. “I mean, he ran away from me the first time I tried apologizing to him. How the hell do you figure he’s going to accept an invitation to prom?”

“I...fuck, I don’t know. But we’re running out of options here, alright?” She wasn’t incorrect, Markus hadn’t really been able to argue with that. “I wasn’t even going to bring it up in the first place, but provided that we’ve tried everything else...dunno, consider it a last resort or something. Besides, technically you don't have a date yet.”

“Don’t I? I thought you were my date.”

“Pft. Only because you needed someone to run on the prom court with you.” North had snorted, rolling her eyes. She’d started to pick at the peeling black nail polish on her fingernails. “And you know I was only game because my sister’s running with Chris Miller. I only thought it’d be fun to compete with her, I never actually cared about winning any dumb crown.”

“Okay, you know, somehow I can believe that.” He could, really. He’d known North long enough to know that pretty much everything and anything she did was fueled by spite. “What I still can’t believe is the idea that Connor would wanna go with me. Besides, I mean...what good would it do, especially when you compare it to everything else we’ve tried?”

“Because those were all small gestures, little acts that hardly did fuck-all.” Black chips of nail polish fell from her fingers as she’d kept on picking at them.  “The way I see it, we gotta do something big and grand, something that’ll really show him we give a crap about him.  Who knows, it might be good for him to go--maybe it’ll help him loosen up or some shit.”

“And if doesn’t, then what? We’re right back to where we started?” Markus sighed, leaning back on the couch. “Yeah, I don’t know about this… god, why do I even have to be the one to ask him, anyway? Why can’t you?”

“Because you’re the one who suggested we be nice to him in the first place, and I’m gay. Next question.”

“...alright. You got me there.” A shrug, and Markus crossed his arms.   “But just know that even if I do ask him, there’s like a 50% chance he’ll say no.”

“And the other 50% involves him saying yes, and that’s the percent I’m counting on.” 

“How the fuck do you sound so sure of yourself?”

“Because I am. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” North brushed residing nail polish flakes from her hands, sitting up. “When he’s sitting next to you in Art? Heart eyes, literal heart eyes. Shit, Markus, he’s been looking at you that way since middle school, don’t tell me you’ve never noticed.”

“I’m...yeah, no I’m calling bullshit on that.” A heated flush crept up Markus’ cheeks, not too unlike the one he’d felt when Leo had said the same thing back in Expresso last week. “Not with that mom of  his, she’s probably been drilling a lot of homophobic crap into his brain for as long he’s been alive.”

“And? It clearly didn’t work, otherwise I doubt he’d have gotten a boner while he was looking at you.”

“What the fuck--” At this, his flush had grown deeper, redder. Markus had covered his mouth, very glad that he’d left his M&Ms where they were. “North, what the actual fuck? That doesn’t mean anything--”

“Oh sure, of course it doesn’t. Only that...it was you he was looking at…” 

“Can you stop that--”

“Too late. I’m in too deep, gotta keep going.”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

But she did. She had, she’d talked him into it and that’s why he was in this situation now. That’s why he was approaching Connor’s table today, instead of going to his own and eating lunch with his friends. 

He found himself growing increasingly anxious with each step taking him closer and closer, just as anxious as he’d felt at his first piano recital. Back then, it hadn’t felt so bad once he’d gotten onstage and started playing, this couldn’t be any different could it? It shouldn’t, he’d told himself. It shouldn’t be any different at all. 

Except that it was. Asking someone to prom—especially someone who he’d unintentionally harmed, was proving to be far more nerve-wracking than any old piano recital had ever been. And after the disaster that was his apology attempt, Markus wasn’t any certain this was going to be much better.

Eyes having been watching the floor go by this entire time, Markus finally allowed himself to look up as he neared the table. He saw him--Connor--sitting there, he was actually sitting there today. His head was bent, not so much in his usual way but in a more...studious and focused way. A muster of different books was strewn out, taking up the entire table space alongside his notebook, which he scribbled at as he bit at the sandwich half in his hand.

Markus came to a sudden brisk stop, his legs locking up on him. 

Nope. Nope.  

He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t fucking do this. He’d told North he hadn’t felt good about it, he shouldn’t have let her talk him into it--

Swallowing hard, he shot a nervous glance towards his friends' table. One step. He’d only taken one step towards them when North looked up, as if having sensed him, and they immediately locked eyes. She said nothing, holding up the palm of her hand and shaking her head—then gestured towards Connor’s table.

Markus winced. Well, so much for trying to get any last minute moral support. Might as well get it over with.

Ultimately, he convinced himself to keep going. It wasn’t much further, and no one seemed to be looking. Not that he cared if anyone looked, they could overhear him for all he cared. Everyone he knew, knew that he was bi--so unless they’d decided to ignore the part where he liked guys, it shouldn’t be an issue for any of them.

Except that, maybe the liking guys thing wouldn’t be an issue at all, would it? More or less, it’d probably be a Connor thing…

Speaking of. Here he was at the table. 

Okay. No going back now.

Connor didn’t notice him at first, not until he’d cleared his throat twice. It took him a few seconds to look up, to see Markus standing in front of him. The look in his eyes was so startled that Markus almost expected him to get up and run off again, but that didn’t seem to be the case today. Instead, he just...sat there. Seized and frozen, staring up at Markus with a wide, wondering expression.

“Uh... hi, Connor.”

As soon as Markus had spoken, Connor broke from his expression, his trance, and went about slamming his notebook shut, pulling it back from the table. His hands draped atop it, folding, and he ducked his head.

“Hi.”

“Um…” Markus cleared his throat a second time, wishing he’d stopped by the water fountain before coming over here. Like that would’ve done any good. “So...how are you?”

Connor’s head shot up, eyes squinting cautiously, before he lowered his gaze back down to his hands.

“I’m...I’m fine.”

“Fine? That’s good— uh, yeah, that’s good to hear.” All right, so far so good, he at least seemed to be willing to talk to him. That was a start. Perhaps this wasn’t as much of a lost cause as he’d thought it to be.

Or it was. 

“So uh…” Markus eyed the table, placing a hand inside his jacket pocket. “What’re you up to? Besides erm, the obvious…”

He kept counting on Connor to get up and leave with each word he’d said to him, but he remained seated, only warily glancing back up at him.

“Reading.”

“Reading, huh...okay, that’s cool…” His eyes drifted to the books on the table, lips pursing together. He noted that there were five books on the table, though only one was open, its covers disclosing the titles of another from few. Curiosity moved him into turning it over, the title inadvertently causing him to snort.

“ Telekinesis for Beginners? Huh, didn’t think you liked this kinda stuff…”

Connor’s only response was to pull the book away from Markus, defensively snapping it shut. 

“I don't. It’s for a class assignment.” He nearly snapped, though Markus had just barely picked up on some audible control to keep his voice steady. “Book report.”

“Oh, I—no, sorry, I just—wait, just one book report...on all five...?”

“Yes.”

“Wow...wow that’s a lot for..for what class, I didn’t—I don’t think I--” A third time clearing his throat, and Markus felt the slipped-something curl around in his stomach. It’d left over the weekend, much to his relief, but had come surging back in the minute he’d stepped foot in school this morning. 

“Listen, uh, Connor.” He sat down at the table, probably not a good thing to have done given the wide eyes the other boy was giving him. “Here’s the thing, I know me and my friends...well, we’ve probably gotten on your nerve...with...everything we’ve been doing, and I wanted to apologize for that. Really, we don’t mean to seem pushy, we just want to--”

“No. It’s fine.” An interruption. From Connor. Not like usually like him to do such a thing, but okay. “You don’t have to. Apologize for that, I mean. It’s not worth the trouble.”

“Is it though? Because I doubt you’d be avoiding us this much if it wasn’t.”

No reply to that. He’d taken a small bite from his sandwich, chewing slowly. Looking away, looking back down.

Markus inhaled, feeling his own body tense. 

“Connor…” Here it was. Here it came. There was no escaping it now. “I... uh... if you don’t... if you don’t have a date to the prom already, would you want to...I dunno, maybe go with me?”

That was it. That was what earned him the most blank, unreadable face he’d ever seen Connor make before, if that were even possible. He was staring straight up at him, having gone rigid right there in his seat. His sandwich half stayed in his hand, fingers beginning to curl around it. Grape jelly was oozing out from in-between the bread, dripping to the table.

“...what?”

“The prom. Y’know, the one happening next Saturday.” Tighter. Now peanut butter was leaking from the sandwich, Connor’s fingers curling even tighter. He remained rigid, not moving, not saying anything. “I know, seems a bit out of the blue to ask you, but I’m kinda one date short myself and well, prom tickets are selling fast so I figured...I guess, to make it up to you…”

“Is this another trick?”

“What? No, no trick! I swear, okay?” Markus held up his hands reassuringly, though it didn’t help that his voice had cracked on that last word. “Look, this is just something I wanted to do--”

“No, it isn’t.” Back in the paper sack went the sandwich, back went the apple he’d had set out next to it. Connor was packing things up, throwing them back into his bag, hurrying to get away. Just like he had last week, and he sounded just as bitter. “I told you, I’m not stupid. I keep telling all of you that, why won’t you just listen?”

“Connor, wait—please just wait a minute--”

Markus headed after him, just like the apology. Just like that day. Several people were looking up from their tables, those walking by stopping in their tracks to see what was going on. Because of course, nobody’s business was ever their own in this cafeteria. It was a hotbed of gossip and chatter every day from twelve to twelve-fifty in the afternoon.

“--no one’s saying you're stupid, okay? No one’s saying that--”

“Maybe not, but they’re thinking it. They are, I can tell they are.” Connor stopped short of the cafeteria exit, a strange, unfamiliar anger heavy in his tone. It was much heavier than that weary bitterness it’d held before, and Markus took a step back, unable to respond. “Yes, I can tell. It’s in all of your faces, and oh, it’s so very, very clear to see. Clearer than the fact that you’re all wrong—I’m not stupid, and I know what you’re trying to do, and—well, it isn’t going to work this time, all right?”

Both cafeteria doors loudly clattered as Connor swung them open and stormed out, throwing his bag over his shoulder before Markus could think to say or do anything else to stop him. Part of him held the urge to pursue, to push through those doors himself and go after him. To not let him walk away this time.

But another part said not to. Another part told him to continue standing there, to just watch. Let Connor go, let him recover. Let him think, no pressure. 

And for some reason, that was the part he listened to, kept on listening to until Connor’s fleeing form was no longer visible through the swinging doors, until his furiously pounding footsteps had become mere echoes that were hardly audible from down the hallway.

Chapter Text

It was a little past twelve. 

Twelve-fifteen to be exact, when Hank came back down to his office from the teacher’s lounge, carrying his lunch with him--this lunch consisting of a pineapple soda from the drink machine, a heated up burger he’d grabbed from his freezer at home, and a bag of chips. Not the healthiest thing imaginable, nor was it the sort of thing you’d expect a physical education teacher--of all things--to be eating, but he’d be damned if he let this school tell him how to diet. They already told him how to discipline, how to behave, and what to wear, so for that matter what he ate shouldn’t be any of their business.

Regardless, some of his co-workers had chastised him, on more than one occasion over it. Reminded him of the school’s policy, how they were trying to enforce healthier foods into the menu and he especially should be doing the same thing given what class he taught. It was the same lecture every day, and it almost made him want to invest all the money he’d been saving for concert tickets into a mini microwave and fridge for his office, just so he could avoid having to repeat it. 

Or he could simply wait until Mr. Perkins left the lounge, provided he was typically the one to initiate said lecture. Him and Mrs. Phillips both, practically ganging up on him, you’d think he wasn’t one of their co-workers with the way they talked to him...though by now, he liked to think he’d gotten pretty good at ignoring them--something he kinda had to do given that he couldn’t exactly rush the microwave into warming his food any faster. 

Which, it would if he had his way. But because the universe had it out for him, he’d had to stand there with his arms crossed, teeth grit, as Mrs. Phillips began to drill into him--for the umpteenth time--that he should be setting a better example for his students, that they implemented a salad bar into the school cafeteria for a reason. 

Now really, he couldn’t give a single fuck about any of that, and he would’ve gladly told her so if it didn’t mean another round of reprimanding from Jeffrey for disorderly misconduct or whatever kind of crap. 

So, he’d wisely decided to remain quiet, and retrieved his food just as soon as the microwave alarm set off, harriedly leaving the lounge soon after. That was the last he’d hoped he’d have to interact with anyone, for the remainder of the hour, he was quite content to sit in the peace of his office, eat his shitty food, and watch shitty old sitcoms on his laptop until the bell rang. 

Those plans, however, were immediately tossed down the drain as soon as he opened the door, to find Connor seated in one of the seats in front of his desk. His bag was beside him on the floor, hands clasped onto something in his lap. 

“Connor?”

The boy barely moved, barely flinched as Hank spoke his name, closed the door. 

“What...are you doing here?”

His head was lowered, lifting somewhat to look back at him. Blinking, he shot up from his seat, holding out the something he’d had clasped in his hands--a notebook.

“I forgot to bring this by this morning, I’m sorry.” He spoke fast, head ducking. “I meant to come, I did, I just--”

“Hey, hey, whoa. Slow down, alright?” Hank held up his hands, Connor going quiet. “Christ, let me just take a look at it, you aren’t on trial or anything.”

He chuckled and set his food down, taking the notebook from Connor’s hands. He pulled a sharpie from his desk and spent the next few minutes he spent flipping through the pages, making notes and trying to decipher his handwriting. Connor stood nearby, hands dropped stiffly at his sides as he waited. His head remained ducked, eyes staying concentrated on the floor.

“Shit…” Eyes looked slightly upwards, towards his teacher.“Okay, this is good. This is real good, actually...every assigned workout is checked off…”

Hank thumbed through several more pages, before shutting the notebook and handing it back to Connor.

“You’re off the hook, kid. Good work.”

“Thanks...thank you, Mr. Anderson.” 

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” Hank tossed the sharpie back to his desk and walked around it, dropping into his chair. Sighing, he unwrapped his burger and was about to take a bite, expecting to hear the door open, to look up and see Connor walk off. 

But he didn’t.

He didn’t see or hear either of those things as he glanced back up to see that the only sort of movement Connor had made was picking his bag up. He slipped his notebook into it, zipped it up, but hadn’t taken a single step towards the door. In fact, he seemed almost...frozen. Immobile, not any more than usual, but…

It was slight reason for concern.

Normally it wouldn’t bother him and he’d just tell him to leave, to get out of his office and go back to whatever the fuck it was he was doing before...but Hank didn’t feel as if he could be dismissive of Connor’s antics anymore. He’d brushed them off in the past, like everyone else, but ever since the showers last week, he couldn’t help but find himself, at times, feeling worry for the boy--like this morning, he’d woken up suddenly anxious, upon realizing that Connor would be coming back to PE today.

He didn’t know why he had, either. 

He’d lost his love for teaching long ago, his love of most people. What set Connor apart from any other bullied students that’d been in his class, in this school?

That was proving to be a question for the ages.

“So…” Burger aside, back into the wrapper. It’s crinkling--and his voice--drew Connor’s attention, snapping him out of whatever trance he’d sunken into. “There a reason you still standin’ in my office?”

“Sir?”

“I mean, it can’t be because you like the decor. I’m not really fond of it myself, to be honest.” Hank pushed his seat back, wheels squeaking. “Would paint the whole thing over if I could…”

He eyed Connor, and now that he could see it, couldn’t help but lock on to the haze of red in his eyes. The flush in his cheeks, on his nose.

“...so, what happened this time?”

“Huh? Happened--no, no, nothing.” Connor shook his head, almost immediately. “Nothing happened, I’m sorry. I should leave.”

He started for the door, hand grasping the knob.

“Wait. Connor.” Hank got up from his seat, back around the desk. The door was opening, Connor about to walk out. “Wait just a minute, will ya?”

He grabbed onto the door, not shutting it entirely, but just enough to leave less of an opening. Connor seized up.

“Please, Mr. Anderson, I need to go--”

“And you can. I won’t stop ya, but…” Hank inhaled sharply, conscientiously going over his next choice of words mentally before he dared utter them. It’d been literal years since he’d worn the supportive teacher’s hat, and something was telling him it was time to don it again. 

“But, first I wanna know what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is--”

“Is it Gavin Reed, one of the other boys? Have they been bothering you at all today, done anything to you since this morning?”

“No, they haven’t--I told you, nothing is--”

“Bullshit, you can’t tell me that. I’ve been a teacher for ten years and was a parent for six of ‘em, don’t you think I’d be pretty good at figuring this shit out by now?”

As he’d expected, Connor had nothing to say to this. 

“Look, Connor. I get it, okay, I get it if you don’t want to talk to me and I don’t blame you. But…” Hank pulled the door back somewhat, relaxing his hold on it. “If something is going on, I want to know--and, and I’m not tellin’ you to trust me because let’s face it, I haven’t ever given you much reason to...hell, I’m not even that solid of an advice giver, but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to at least listen.”

Another two minutes passed in silence. 

Connor stayed where he was, not moving, not saying anything. Rigid and still, stoic and silent. 

Then he moved, spoke in a tone that was barely a mumble. Looked up at Hank, eyes somehow even red than before.

“...I...got invited. To the prom.” He glanced back down again, like he was embarrassed to have said such a thing out loud. 

“I....the prom? The hell…” Of the things he’d expected to hear, that hadn't been one of them at all. Not in the slightest. “Okay, sure...sure, not...really seeing the problem here...unless, I mean, was it a joke? Did someone ask you as a joke or…?”

“Yes. Probably... I don’t know.”

“You don’t? Well shit, Connor--” Hank let go of the door, huffing as he took a step back from it. “Not that I’m saying it's likely, but what if it’s not? Say there was some chance that it wasn’t?”

“Then... it’d be a very small chance.” Connor stiffly turned away, going back to the chair he’d been seated in before Hank had arrived. “I think..I know they’re just trying to trick me again, find another excuse to laugh at me. That’s all it ever is, that’s all they ever want.”

“Maybe not this time, though--” Hank didn’t think he was doing a good job of sounding convincing, much as he was trying. But he was fighting to keep his supportive teacher’s hat on this time and he wasn’t about to let it fall off. Not yet. 

“Maybe word’s gotten around, some common sense after what happened last week. Maybe someone’s decided to finally give you a chance.”

“They’re not. It’s a trick, they think I’m stupid--”

“Not all of them. Most of them, probably, but not all of them.” Not encouraging words, but he was trying, at least. Connor still seemed to be listening, even if he was currently huddled over in his chair. “Someone thought to ask you, and whether it was a joke, or--or genuine...I mean, let’s try and make sense of it. Someone asked you, now who was it?”

No answer. Connor seemed to sink further into the chair, arms folding together.

“Was it someone who usually picks on you? Harasses you?”

He shook his head.

“Then who?”

“...Markus.”

Another mumbled answer, and from where he stood Hank could see a slight red hue flushing over Connor’s ears, his cheeks. 

“Markus Manfred asked me.”

It took Hank a minute to process, to make sure he heard correctly. He had to make sure, given his hearing wasn’t as good as it used to be, and he’d rather blame it on his job than the thirty-some years of his life he’d spent listening to heavy metal on full blast.

But now that it’d settled in, now that he was able to confirm that the name he’d heard was indeed correct, half of this situation was beginning to come together.  Not all of it, but half, and that was enough for him to work with, to try and make sense of this whole thing.

“Hey now, that...that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”  Still nothing. Hank came over to join him in the opposite chair, Connor keeping his head turned, shrouded from view. His ears had seemed to have turned even redder. He didn’t say anything. “Markus is a nice guy, at least from what I can tell…can’t recollect him ever bothering you.”

“That’s just it, though. He has been bothering me, him and--and all his friends.” Connor shifted in his seat, his hands anxiously writhing on the cushion. “Ever since last week, when it happened. He tried apologizing to me, but...I know he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t have.”

“And you know damn well that he could’ve. I think he did, in fact,” Hank recollected that day in the locker room, the day after the incident. It was a striking memory, and he’d been savoring it ever since--could easily recall the guilt ridden faces of half his students, Markus’ being the most genuine of them all. “Believe it or not Connor, not everyone in the world is out to get you, let alone in this school. Now me, I gave up trying to find good people a long time ago...but they’re still out there. And I think Markus’ may actually be one of ‘em.”

“You can’t be sure of that. He’s known who I am since first grade, what’s been happening to me. Why would he wait until now to do anything about it?”

“Who the fuck knows, common sense could’ve finally knocked him in the head.” Hank shrugged, leaning forward in his chair, which gave off a slight creak as he did so. “Regardless, he’s willing to do something now, he’s willing to apologize to you. Hell, I doubt he’d have bothered asking you to go to prom with him if it was only hot air that he was blowing.”

Connor at last turned his head Hank’s way, allowing him to see the full redness that had blossomed across his face. His eyes shone with a mixture of unreadable emotions, and he curled his fingers up, ceasing their fidgeting.

“But he didn’t have to ask me  , though.” Nope, nevermind the fidgeting having stopped. He was moving his hands atop the arm rests, tapping them against the wood. “He could’ve just kept apologizing if it meant that much to him. I don’t know…”

“That’s just it, maybe it means more to him than that. Maybe he wants to show you he’s sorry.” Hank was just spewing ideas now, he wasn’t sure if he believed half of this himself but he kept going. Had to, he felt a surge he hadn’t felt in a long, long time and he wanted it to keep it around for as long as he possibly could. “I could be completely wrong here, shit, I mean I usually am...but why don’t you just go to prom with him?”

“No...no, I can’t--”

“Well, why the fuck not?” He’d just realized he’d sworn several times now, but Connor hadn’t made objections to it. Not like he had his first year here, Hank had sworn in front of the class over their lack of enthusiasm and Connor had come close to fainting over it. “Both of you are seniors, the same age, and--”

“We’re both boys.”

Hank fell quiet at the bluntness of Connor’s words and voice, which had brought this whole set of circumstances to a startling conclusion. That was the second half to his figuring out, and now that it was put together, made more than a staggering amount of sense.

“Okay...okay, I think I get it now.” He sat back in his chair, arms crossing atop his chest. “Markus being nice to you isn’t the actual problem, is it? Shit, I mean you’re both boys and he asked you to be his prom date alright. So what? There a law that says you can’t go together?”

“No, and I don’t care if there is or isn’t, I just--I can’t go with him.” Connor turned his head--not ducking it this time--and clasped his hands back together. “I can’t, it’d be wrong. My mother...she’d...I…”

“Who gives a fuck about what she thinks, you’re nearly eighteen aren’t you? I’d think that qualifies you to start making your own decisions.” 

“My own decisions? But...no, no I…” Color came and went, flushing in and out of Connor’s face as he started to nervously wring his fingers against his pants, crinkling the smooth fabric. “No, that’s not...that’s not it, it’s just...the verses, she’s always repeating them, always reminding me. Men can’t...boys, they can’t…”

“Can’t what? Go to prom together?” Hank felt bad for laughing, especially because of Connor’s distressed countenance, but he truly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Just what kind of toxic nonsense had that woman been pouring into him for all these years, he couldn’t even begin to imagine, it almost sounded too ridiculous to have been uttered at all.

“For Chrissakes, it’s just a stupid school dance. It’s not like you’d be doing anything else…” 

“But we could. We could, and that’s what…” Connor clenched his fingers around the bit of fabric he’d gathered from his pants. “That’s what scares me...and I don’t...I don’t like to think about it. Though…”

His voice trailed off, fingers releasing the fabric. Hard swallow, and his eyes narrowed towards a wilting plastic plant Hank had shoved into a corner. Not because he found it interesting, not at all.

“Though...sometimes, I do think about it.” His voice dropped, not to a complete whisper, but Hank could still manage to pick up the heavy shame in it. “Sometimes I think about it and...that feeling, what happened to me in the showers. It comes back and it hurts, it hurts so much worse than it did the first time. And I can’t tell if I like...if I like it or hate it…”

He shuddered, eyes shutting momentarily. Back open, back towards Hank.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Anderson, I don’t know why I’m telling you. Any of this, I mean…but…” Shifting in his seat, Connor shrugged. “I don’t...it's not like I know who to talk to. I can’t tell my mother, she’d…”

Voice trailed off, eyes glazing over. He looked like he wanted to say more, but nothing was coming. Despite sensing this, Hank waited, and after several seconds of inactivity had passed, the glaze passed from Connor’s eyes and he exhaled uneasily, chest visibly palpitating.

“She wouldn’t...understand. She’d be angry.”

“Oh she would, would she?” The more Hank was hearing, the more he wouldn’t mind going and giving Amanda Stern a piece of his mind. But then, he’d also like to keep this job as much as he hated it--he couldn’t think of any other possible way to pay the rent. “Sounds more like her problem than yours, if she can’t even manage to discuss a simple thing like that around you.”

Connor had gone quiet again. No longer looking at Hank, but back to the corner plant. Hank sighed, running a hand through his hair, and leaned back forward in his seat.

“Look, kid, I told you already...y’know, all of that you’re experiencing? It’s normal shit, and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it's perfectly normal--if not just as normal as you and Markus going to prom together.”

“But I can’t--”

“Hey no, enough of that. Enough, just--listen to me, Connor--” Connor was standing up. Hank wasn’t sure if he was heading to the door, but he stood up too, just in case. “I’m not the person who should be telling you this, in fact I’m the least qualified faculty member to be talking about any of the stuff you just told me--but the fact is, unless Markus has other intentions--and I sincerely doubt it--I don’t see any reason for you not to go with him other than that...fact...literally no other reason at all. I think you should go.”

Half the weight that’d been placed on Hank’s chest since the incident felt alleviated, lifting from some deep, buried place within him, shortly after being replaced by a sense of bewilderment. Bewilderment at the fact that he’d just said all of that, and had maybe managed to offer what may have been a solid piece of advice for the first time in over five years.

He couldn’t tell how much of that Connor had bothered listening to, however. He still looked just as conflicted as before, eyes now drooped towards a bug that was crawling along the floor. 

“I’m...I don’t know. My mother would never…”

“Forget about her, okay?” Hank spoke sternly, more darker than he’d meant to. He knew Jeffrey had told him time and time again that it wasn’t their place to interfere with the beliefs of their students’ families, but fuck that noise. Fuck it all, if she was gonna have this poor kid ashamed about his sexuality...he didn’t believe in that. 

If he couldn’t physically let that woman have it, the least he could do was instill enough self-confidence in her son...even if such a thing wasn’t his strength, he relished in the idea of pissing her off involuntarily.

“And--and you know what, forget whatever she’s said to you, it doesn’t matter. None of it does.” Connor looked away from the bug. Back at Hank, eyes widened wonderingly. “I think you’re more than qualified to be makin’ yer own choices now, so start thinkin’ about what you wanna do. Believe me, you don’t wanna spend your whole life lettin’ other people make decisions for ya.”

“But you just decided I should go to prom--”

“I did, yeah. And you should, but you don’t have to if that’s not what you want.” Hank clapped a hand on Connor’s shoulder, which barely flinched. Not like it’d had when he’d grabbed him in the shower. “I only say you should go because it might be fun, and because Markus took the time to ask you.”

Letting his hand fall from Connor’s shoulder, he walked back around his desk, dropping back into his chair. He opened the by-now lukewarm can of pineapple soda, and took a long, hard sip from it before speaking again.

“But, if you don’t wanna, then don’t bother. Disregard everything I said if you wanna, I mean shit the prom might actually suck and it’s not like you’d miss out on anything by not going…just think about it, will ya?”

Another sip. Connor stood in front of the desk, quietly, contemplatively perhaps. Hank wasn’t about to say anything else, he felt as though he’d pushed his luck already with that last sentence and was content to get back to his lunch now. Content for Connor to leave, hopefully with some sense of realization, but he wasn’t counting on it.

Some time passed, maybe four minutes, however, before that happened.

“I think…” Hank was taking a bite from his burger, stopping midway as Connor spoke up. The boy turned to look up at him, wrapping a hand around his bag strap. A firm tug, and he’d pulled it back up his shoulder. “I think I...I will think about it, thank you, Mr. Anderson.”

He turned to leave, taking several steps away from Hank’s desk, back to the door where he grabbed the handle.

“Yeah sure, don’t mention it. Seriously.” The door opened. Connor was halfway out, before Hank finished off a bite from his burger, and looked over at him. “Hey, and Connor?”

Connor stopped, turning his head back towards his teacher.

“Next time you feel like you gotta talk to someone, consider stopping by the counselor’s office. That’s what they’re paid for, and God knows they’re more qualified than me.”

He sounded cross, but he also couldn’t help but crack a grin at the same time. Especially when it earned what he swore had to be the first authentic smile Connor had given anyone. 

A very, very small one, albeit, but authentic nonetheless.

That coupled with the bewildered but satisfied feeling from their conversation, suddenly gave Hank the tiniest sense that his job was worth it. Worth all the annoyance, the aggravation from having to deal with wildly infuriating adolescents...because in between all of this, moments like this were rare and to be reflected about in the years to follow.

Little did Hank know that in a few weeks, he’d be reflecting on this conversation for reasons much differently than he’d originally envisioned.

Markus exited the classroom as the bell rang, looking over what little notes he’d taken before shoving the notebook back into his backpack. Chemistry wasn’t already his favorite subject as it was, and he wouldn’t go as far as to say he wasn’t paying exact attention, but it was kinda hard to given what had occurred at lunchtime.

Somehow, it was bothering him worse than his failed apology had. North hadn’t been entirely convinced it would work, but then, she’d been so sure at the same time. Insisting Connor liked him, had liked ever since middle school, maybe even longer. First he’d had to hear it from Leo, now it was coming from his friends, and he couldn’t say he was any closer to knowing what to do over it--well, that was partly a lie. He knew he had to ask Connor again. He didn’t have to, but something told him his conscience wasn’t going to let him rest until he did. 

The problem was, he also didn’t want to seem pushy about it. The niceties he and the others imparted last week had only resulted in a constant avoidance, and if he kept pushing his luck now with this whole prom thing, who was to say the same thing wouldn’t happen again?

It would. Knowing Connor, it definitely would. 

But he had to keep trying. He had to, if North was so sure and his mind kept telling him to, he’d give it three strikes. Two more attempts, he’d allow himself, and that was that--if Connor said no both of those times, he was going to leave it alone. Leave him alone, and say that he’d at least tried. That thought didn’t do much to comfort him, but it was the only kind of resolution he could envision this whole ordeal closing on.

If it managed to close on anything else, he’d be surprised.

Approaching his locker, Markus clicked it open and dropped his backpack, zipping it open to retrieve his Chemistry textbook. He’d just placed it back into his locker and had begun to take out his History book and binder, when he looked over to see Simon walking up to him. Never one to carry his backpack around the school, all his books were secured snugly and stiffly in his arms, and his mouth was pressed into a tight line.

“Markus, hi. So, Anderson wants to see you.” Was what he said, so matter of factly, and before Markus could even think to greet him. “Told me to come tell you.”

“What? What does he…” Markus dropped his History book into his backpack, eyebrows furrowing. “What does he wanna see me for, did he say?”

“Yeah. It’s about Connor.” Oh. Oh shit. “And get this, apparently he’s been talking to all of us about it already--he even pulled North from the principal’s office to talk to her, she was showing up right as I left.”

“What about Josh?”

“He was first. Got excused in the middle of class, came and got me afterwards.” 

“Shit…” Picking up his backpack, Markus placed his binder inside, zipping it back up. “Okay, so--what’s the deal? Are any of us in trouble or…?”

“See now that’s what I can’t figure out, he never said so.” Simon shrugged, opening up his own locker. “I didn’t think to ask him either, guess I was too nervous--and--and I don’t even know why I was nervous, I mean we haven’t been doing anything wrong--”

He placed his books back inside his locker and pulled out a large notebook that was stuffed full of spare papers, taking a quick glance at his watch.

“And fuck, I gotta go. I’m already fifteen minutes late…” Slamming his locker shut, he hurriedly punched in the combination to lock it. “Student council meeting, ugh. I’m lucky Anderson didn’t keep me any longer than he did or I’d have missed half of it…uh. Anyways, good luck with Anderson.”

Gathering back up the papers he’d accidentally let slip, Simon pressed the notebook into his arms and rushed off the direction opposite to where Markus was facing. He glanced back to watch him leave, then back at  the direction he’d arrived from. The direction to Mr. Anderson’s office.

This...couldn’t be good, could it?

Not if it was related to Connor.  Not after the lecture he’d given them last week.

Had someone told him...had he found out somehow? About what they were doing? In that case though, wouldn’t he have reported them to Fowler instead of directly wanting to see them?

So many questions, and none that Markus had answers to. Wouldn’t have answers to, until after he spoke to him, after he went. 

Which...he had to do. 

He supposed not going wouldn’t be an option, provided Anderson was...never quite the person to take no for an answer. You decided you didn’t want to partake in class, he’d just give you something worse to do—something of which Markus had seen occur quite often during the time he’d had the man as a teacher, the most recent being last week when Gavin bailed on coming to detention.

And Markus didn’t want to be given something worse to do. That was the last thing he wanted, when he already had so much on his plate as it was. So, as soon as he’d made up his mind to go, he did--leaving his locker, going down the hall and stairs before he could talk himself out of it. He reached the locker room, pushing open the doors, walking towards Anderson’s office where he could see North through the windows, seated in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Gulp. And a worried inhale, followed by an equally worried exhale. Markus knocked at the door, and after a gruff, muffled “come in” from Mr. Anderson, pushed it open and peeked his head inside. North glanced back at him, long enough for him to see the uncharacteristically solemn expression on her face, before she resumed in packing her backpack back up.

“Oh, hey. Markus, good to see ya.” He looked towards the desk where Mr. Anderson was seated, typing at his laptop. “Come on in and have a seat, we were just finishing up here.”

Markus nodded and entered, sliding into a seat adjacent to North’s as she stood up. She glanced at him one more time, giving him a slight punch to the shoulder, alerting him to return the glance. She didn’t say anything, unless you counted mouthing “we’re fucked” as saying anything, and shot a hesitant look Anderson’s way before leaving, hoisting her backpack onto her shoulders.

Then it was just the two of them. 

Nothing was spoken, no words, not at first. Anderson was still focused on his laptop, typing something into it. Markus shifted in his seat, though as uncomfortable as he was, he couldn’t quite blame that on the chair. It wasn’t often he’d had to sit down in a teacher’s office—let alone Principal Fowler’s—and usually it was just to discuss his grades.

But given that he already knew what this was about and that his friends had already been here before him, his grades weren’t likely to have anything to do with this.

“Am I...I’m not in trouble am I?”

Anderson looked up from the laptop screen, forehead wrinkling as he raised an eyebrow at Markus’ question. 

“Well now, that remains to be seen, doesn’t it?” He closed the laptop, scooting his chair back. Arms crossed together. “I suppose if that were really the case I would’ve just...sent ya down to Fowler, but I figured I’d give you a chance to argue your case first.”

“Sir?”

“Listen,  I’ve already talked to your friends, so I’m not gonna go into too much detail--” Anderson picked up a half-finished soda can from where it’d been formerly resting next to an empty one. “But I received a visit from a certain someone this afternoon, right around lunchtime. You wanna take a guess at who this certain someone was, Markus?”

He took a long sip, and answered before Markus had a chance to.

“Connor Stern, that’s who. Now, he was just droppin’ off his workout book so I didn’t think much of it at first.” Back down the can went, but it didn’t leave his hand. A trickle of perspiration ran down from it, down Anderson’s hand, but he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge it. “He seemed...upset, though. Pretty upset actually, so I asked him why...yeah, probably wasn’t my place to, but he seemed ‘bout ready to burst if he didn’t get to talk to anyone…”

Another sip, and he sighed, this time letting go of the can as he placed it back beside the empty one.

“And apparently you asked him to prom. Simply put, I wanna know why.”

So that’s what this was all about.

Well, Markus couldn’t have predicted that. Yes, he’d been called down here to talk about something regarding Connor, but that could’ve been literally anything--but then, if this were about everything that had happened last week...shower and kind acts included, then Anderson probably would’ve been talking to him then. He wouldn’t have waited until the next week unless..or maybe not.

Maybe not. That wouldn’t make sense.

Shifting in his seat again, Markus heedfully considered his following choice of words. What he said, had to matter here, had to sound as earnest and true as needed. Who knew what his friends had said during their interrogations, he knew it couldn’t have been anything too bad but…

He didn’t want to take that chance.

“Well? I got all day, son--you, probably not so much…” Anderson eyed the clock on the wall, nodding towards it. “When’s your next class, in twenty minutes? I think you’d be able to come up with an answer before then.”

“That’s...just it, Mr. Anderson, it’s not really a clear answer…”

“Doesn’t have to be. I just need an answer that’s not some complete bullshit.”

Markus winced. Despite the air conditioning having come on a few seconds ago, it still felt uncomfortably warm in here...and he had to wonder if, like his uncomfortableness in the chair, was coming from him and not his surroundings. 

“Right...uh. Okay, I asked Connor because…” It was almost nerve-wracking to maintain eye contact with Anderson, not when the man was practically drilling into him. But it was better than avoiding eye contact, that wouldn’t help his cause at all. “Because I wanted to, I guess. I wanted to ask him, figured it might be good for him to…”

“To get out? To meet people, break out of his shell, maybe?”

“Well, yeah--”

“Fucks sake, do you expect me to believe that?” Anderson slid his chair back even further, enough to stand up. He walked around his desk and stood in front of it, in front of Markus. Hands on his hips, curled into fists. “Nah, Markus, I’ll stop ya there. Your friends already gave me that whole spiel already. Now I said no bullshit, and so far that’s all you guys have been giving me...all I wanna know is why you asked Connor, and you’re free to go.”

“No disrespect, sir, but why is it so important that you have to know--” 

“Because, I told that kid to trust you, that’s why. And I’m just makin’ sure I didn’t make a huge mistake by doin’ that.” 

Although his tone had grown dark, Markus could hear evident concern in it. Peculiar and not quite so usual for Anderson, but didn’t make the tension in the room any less uneasy to deal with. There was still the matter of actually  explaining.

“You didn’t. Make a mistake, I mean--” He sat up straighter, could feel his muscles tensing. “I meant what I said when I wanted to ask Connor, it just...wasn’t my idea.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. Your buddy North told me she came up with it.. but what I can’t figure out--” Anderson leaned back on the desk, moving his hands from his hips to grip at the surface. “--is why you went along with it. I only figured that it's to make up for some kind of past wrong or...something like that, but...shit, maybe I’m wrong. I dunno, you tell me.”

“Not...wrong, no. That’s kinda it.” Markus scratched at the back of his neck, sighing. “Look, I don’t know how to really explain it...I’ve just...ever since last week, after what you said in class, and...what my dad said to me. About...sticking up for Connor, showing a kind hand to him, it never really left my mind…”

Mr. Anderson didn’t reply, prompting Markus to continue.

“And so, I..we, that is, the others..we’ve been trying to be nicer. Trying to show him we’re sorry but...nothing’s been working so far. That’s why North came up with the idea to take him to prom, she thought a big act was what we really needed to show...since, nothing else has been working.”

“Well yeah, why would ya expect it to? You’ve known Connor for...how long? Eleven, ten years?” Anderson got off the desk, hands going in his back pockets. “And you wait until now to do anything? You can see why he’d be a little suspicious, Markus, and I honestly don’t blame him. Hell, I’d be too. But...prom?”

He cocked his head to the side, both eyebrows raising in an inquiring manner.

“You could’ve decided on literally anything else, could’ve picked any other big act. Prom’s a big deal for you seniors, you gotta look your best, act your best…go with the best people. Aren’t you just a little bit worried about how you’re gonna look waltzing into prom with Connor Stern next to ya?”

That was a thought. It was, and Markus had wondered about it during the whole weekend after North proposed the idea. Literally everyone was expecting him to show up arm and arm with her, he’d heard the talk, the idea that they were dating--none of it true, of course, nor was North favored by a lot of students due to her more...exuberant nature, but it’d be normal for them to see her and him together.

Him and Connor, he had no idea how people would react. 

“Maybe. A little…I don’t know...I...don’t think so.” Whether that’d been a lie or truth remained to be seen, even Markus wasn’t sure. “But I don’t think it matters. He said no, and he’s probably gonna say no the next couple of times I try asking him anyway.”

“You’re askin’ him again, then?”

“Yes, I literally just said--”

He reached behind him, picking up his soda. Longer sip than before, as he stared at Markus thoughtfully. Eyes still drilling, burrowing further. 

“Okay then. I guess that’s it.”

“What’s it?”

“All of this, this whole situation.” Back down the soda went, and Anderson was circling back to his chair. “Yer askin’ Connor cuz you wanna be nice to him, gotta say I’m impressed--I didn’t really expect any of that shit I said to stick to ya. If that’s all, then consider yourself pardoned.”

Laptop opened back up, but he wasn’t typing anything just yet. Markus sat there, jaw having dropped open without his notice. Popping it shut, he sat there for a good ten seconds, unsure whether to sit or stand--or if he really understood what had just happened.

Anderson was..letting him off easy?

This was a first. 

As if to sense his confusion, Anderson gave a wave of his hand, towards the door, and started typing.

“I said yer pardoned, Manfred. Get outta here before I change my mind.”

“I...thanks? Sure, sure I’ll just...do that then.” Markus got up from the chair, though he couldn’t quite say he was out of his state of shock yet. He gathered his backpack back up and slung it onto his back, heading for the door. 

“Oh, Markus, wait. One more thing.”

Markus looked back at him, breath hitching.

“Yes sir?”

“Connor. I think he really likes ya, y’know.” Anderson was looking up, directly at him from behind his laptop. There was a vaguely threatening sheen in his eyes, grim as it was serious. “He won’t say so out loud, but he does. This is clearly a huge deal for him, so I’m tellin’ ya right now...you do anything, and I mean anything to hurt him, you can consider accepting yer diploma on a pair of crutches. We clear on that?”

If Markus’ face hadn’t already been flushed at that first statement, he was definitely bare of any of that now. As much as he would’ve loved to assume Anderson was just kidding...unfortunately he knew very well that that was a threat that would surely be enacted, and that there was no kidding to be had.

“We are...crystal clear, sir. Nothing to worry about.”

“Good. I’d hope not.” Focus back on his laptop, Anderson only offered Markus one last warning glare before completely dismissing him--which he took as his cue to make a dash for the door. Without looking back he stepped out, out of the office and into the locker room, back into the hall.

And into the bathroom to make sure he didn’t need a change of pants, which mercifully didn’t look to be the case. He did take the time to splash some cold water on face before leaving, however, looking back at his reflection. At himself, composing his thoughts and everything that just transpired.

Did he feel any better about trying again? 

Hard to tell, but he definitely had a good motivation to be more careful about it. He’d stick to his three strikes plan for the time being, and if that failed...well. He’d figure it out.

For now, he could faintly hear a bell summoning him to his next class. 

Chapter Text

Lately, Connor had found himself growing rather grateful as the school day came to a close. Not that he hadn’t before and not because he was in that much of a hurry to get home, that was, provided nothing of much comfort awaited him there.

Nothing except the welcoming solace of his room--the one place he could be locked away from prying eyes and ears. As of last week he’d been spending an unhealthy amount of time there, pouring and examining the contents of the books he’d checked out from the school library. Three out of five he’d finished, and had turned back in today, renewing the remaining two that he would hide away back at home.

He’d had to hide them, as much as he didn’t want to. That meant bringing them back dusty, or worse--not bringing them back at all because he’d forgotten about them. But after that night--and several nights after--where he’d become too careless in his practice and accidentally beckoned Mama’s presence, he didn’t want to take any chances. 

Not with the chance she already knew what was going on.

He didn’t want to be paranoid, didn’t want to act as such--but why else would she have brought that sharp thing...that knife, when she came to check on him? Perhaps it’d been the same butcher’s knife she’d tried to pierce him with all those years ago, he wasn’t sure but he also didn’t care, didn’t desire to ask her either. How could he ask her, when that memory had been so long ago and she refused to speak of it. 

She’d probably deny every word he said, every point he brought up. 

Which further evidenced his belief that she knew about his ability, she was just content to live in a bubble where he didn’t have it, did everything in her to repress it from ever coming forth again after the stones came. It must’ve succeeded, Connor couldn’t remember any sort of occurrence like that ever happening up until high school. Up until things started to become..well, more awful than they’d been before.

It was possible that Mama could still think her represses were working. Maybe the knife had only been grabbed out of instinct, an involuntary panic. Maybe she knew nothing, and if so, Connor would like to keep it that way. That’s why he’d become more careful, had placed pillows, blankets on the floor, to deaden the sound of any possible impacts--why he’d hidden the books underneath his mattress, alongside any of his Science textbooks.

That’s where they would go when he got home, and where they could be put away until he took them out, until he turned them in later this week. He wasn’t quite finished with either yet, only a little way through one of them, and planned to spend his entire night reading it over...or he would, once he’d taken care of any schoolwork. Perhaps he’d spend a little more time downstairs tonight, do his homework at the dining room table to lessen any suspicion from Mama…maybe wait until she’d gone to bed.

He pondered these ideas as he walked up to his locker, rightfully choosing to ignore the smeared remnants of graffiti the janitor hadn’t managed to get off. Clicking it open, he pulled out the rest of his books, throwing them into his bag alongside the two library books. On his back the bag went, and out he headed from the school building, into the courtyard.

It was a trifle colder than it had been last week--quite a contrast to the previously warm weather, so he made sure to zip up his jacket before heading down the steps. When he was halfway down, his entire body came to a halt at the sight of Markus, standing near the fountain. Leo was in front of him and they seemed to be talking, not having noticed Connor at all.

Yet.

They hadn’t noticed him yet, and they wouldn’t if Connor could manage to get by quiet enough. Markus was probably the last person he wanted to see right now, not when he was still reeling from not just their conversation at lunch, but his conversation with Mr. Anderson. It’d left him with...less than favorable thoughts, ones he hated to concern himself with but did anyways.

He’d promised Mr. Anderson he’d think over the whole matter. He had, and he wanted to but...he’d also thought that, since Markus hadn’t talked to him that morning...that he was done. Done trying to be nice, done trying to talk to him. Done trying to...do, whatever it was that he was trying...Connor didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to, but he did, and that’s what propelled him into walking just a bit faster. Fast enough but not too fast, not too loud. 

His ears picked up on bits of the boys’ conversation as he passed them by--something about their mom coming to pick them up, Markus saying he was riding with his friends instead--but that was all he could make out before heading out of earshot. Close, closer to being out of the courtyard and onto the street. Closer to being home, and away, and alone.

“Look, just tell her I’ll be home later, okay--” Markus’ voice, cut off, replaced by his footsteps which were catching up to Connor. Connor internally cringed, wanted to walk faster, but his legs were already starting to burn and he doubted pushing himself would help him get away any sooner. 

“Connor, hey--wait up,” Markus wasn’t grabbing him, not trying to stop him from walking. If anything could be taken from these incidents, at least he’d learned not to do that much. 

On that note, though, you’d think he would’ve also learned how pointless it was to try talking to him. Apparently not.

“Aren’t you supposed to be riding with your friends?” Connor kept walking, refusing to stop, moving both hands to grab his bag strap as it threatened to slide down his arm. “They’re probably waiting for you, you shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

He turned a corner, out of the courtyard and onto the sidewalk.  

“I think they’ll be fine, really. We’ve had to wait almost forty minutes for North to get out of detention for the past couple of weeks so this shouldn't be a problem for them." Markus’ pace picked up, however he hardly sounded as if he were out of breath. Maybe his winning the school triathlon two years in a row had something to do with that.  “Look, I’m sorry I just-- I wanted to talk to you first, about what happened at lunch. It’s not been sitting right with me, and I realize...I mean, it was really insensitive of me to just up and ask you like that, but I--”

“If its my answer you want, I already told you.”  Connor huffed, stopping in front of the crosswalk. He hit the button, with a little more force than he’d meant to, stinging his hand and forcing him to bite back a hiss. “I said no, isn’t that enough for you to just leave me alone?”

“Not yet, I figured I’d give it a couple more shots before I did that.

“Why? I’m just going to give the same answer.” There were too many cars out on the road today, too many for Connor’s liking now that he realized it. Eyes flicked up at the crosswalk, and ahead of him at the street across, refusing to look over at Markus. “Why don’t you go ahead and ask me now, get it over with?”

“Seriously? I was gonna wait until tomorrow...y’know, give you more time to think…” 

“I don’t need more time to think--” (liar) “I have my answer.” 

More cars. Light was green still, no sign of it turning red anytime soon. Markus kicked at a dirty penny on the ground, sending it rolling down to the sewers. He had, Connor had heard his foot scuffling at the sidewalk. 

“If you insist...okay.” He took a step closer, causing Connor’s heartbeat to quicken. “Okay, Connor, my offer still stands and I’m still short one prom date…so...would you like to go with me?”

Connor was about to say no. He opened his mouth, with every intent of doing so, but much as he mustered that word to come out, it wouldn’t. It stayed put, in his mind, and instead, he found his reply coming out instead as a question, voice wavering.

“Why?”

Judging by the mere seconds of silence, Markus must’ve been caught off guard. Connor looked towards him, having finally convinced himself to do so. He let himself study his expression, searching for any sign that he was about to laugh, or get mad at him for not answering his question directly. 

But there was none of that.

Only a dumbfound confusion, not anything that Connor would have expected at all.

“Why...what?” Wait, he did laugh. He was laughing, only it sounded just as confused as his face looked. It wasn’t mean or mocking, not cruel or jesting in the slightest. A car horn sounded from behind him and Leo stepped out from the courtyard to walk off in its direction, with his head bent and one hand shoved into his jeans pocket, while the other tapped out ashes onto the sidewalk from a burnt out Marlboro in his fingers. 

“Why ask you? I mean, I don’t know, maybe because I wanted to?”

“No you don’t, don’t say that. Please.” Connor looked away, quickly, fingers digging deep into his bag strap, into his shoulder. More cars, more green lights. No red. Could he make the lights go red, he wondered, could he try--maybe make the cars stop--

“Why not? It’s the truth.” A buzzing sounded from somewhere, somewhere muffled. Out of the corner of his eye, Connor saw Markus reach into his pocket briefly, probably to silence his phone. “Fuck, I don’t know what else you want me to say. It’s really not that complicated, Connor, if you won’t let me tell you I’m sorry then at least let me show you. Let me at least do that much, come on.”

At last. At last the light had gone red, and the hand on the crosswalk had disappeared. Despite that Connor wasn’t moving, not even making a move to. He looked back up, towards Markus again, daring himself to. Mulling over his words, letting himself, for a moment, entertain what had been offered to him.

He had thought about it, without meaning to, after he’d first asked and especially after his talk with Mr. Anderson. About what would happen if he did say yes, if he did decide to go. He never liked to think about it too much, given the places his mind could go...but, it was quite tempting. The idea of getting to dress in clothes much fancier than they needed to be, getting to eat as much as he wanted for hours on end, listening and dancing to music other than the same stale crap he heard every day at home…

dancing….dancing...getting close, pressing close…together...

Numbers were counting down on the crosswalk sign. Cars were stopped, waiting, allowing him to cross, but he didn’t.

pressing...bodies...together…

The image was strong. It was tempting, and already Connor could see visions of brimstones and fire raining upon Sodom and Gomorrah, himself turned into a pillar of salt for allowing himself to entertain such a terrible, terrible idea. Allowing himself to like it, to want it, desire it...

But then...was it so terrible?

Inadvertently at this moment, he let his eyes lock with Markus’. Just as they’d had in the classroom, after he’d read his poem last week. Only...there was something different in them this time. Something...he didn’t quite understand, but it was turning his stomach over. Turning it warm, the longer they kept fastened. 

One blue. One green. Locked onto his brown ones.

They reminded him so much of the colors in one of Mama’s paint by numbers back at the house. The green pastures surrounding the shepherd and his flock, the flowing blue stream beside them.  Bright, lovely, vibrant. Full of life. 

(handsome)

Blinking, Connor stepped back, head ducking down. The lights had gone green once more, and the cars were beginning to drive again. 

“No. No, I--” He hit the button, not so forcefully this time. Resuming his wait, eyes back in front of him and away from Markus. “I can’t. I told you already, don’t you understand? I just can’t. ”

The light was quicker to turn red this time, not so many cars on the road now. Connor started to walk forward, but Markus stepped in front of him. 

“I think you can.” So matter of fact. Connor had to look elsewhere to avoid locking on his eyes again, he didn’t want to lock eyes again. Couldn’t. “I mean...I could be completely off here, but I think this is something you want. You would have ran away the minute I tried asking you again if it wasn’t.”

“It’s not, because I don’t want to go. I told you I can’t, I said no--”

“Yeah, I heard you both times. I did, and if you say so a third time again tomorrow, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.” Numbers counting down, they were halfway across the road. A car had stopped behind them, horn beeping.  “Scout’s honor, hold me to it if you want to.”

“I--”

“Though, on the random chance you do decide to say yes…” He didn’t sound so hopeful, Connor could only detect so little of that in his voice compared to the doubt that was far more prominent. “And you don’t have to, you really don’t. Not now, not tomorrow. But if you do, just know...it might not make up for everything else that’s happened--and I--I don’t expect it to, but I’m willing to make it count for something.”

Another loud honk from the car. Connor grimaced, looking to it, then back to Markus, who remained unmoving in front of him. Hands shoved into his jacket pockets, no sense of expectancy or annoyance on his face. 

Just patience.

Two more honks from the car, a window rolling down. Several vulgarities were shouted their way, but Connor paid it no mind. Those thoughts were back in his head. Those thoughts of dressing up, eating, dancing... dancing…

Dancing. Pressed close.

Fourth honk. Fifth honk. Then--

“Yes.”

He said it, before he could think to stop himself. The patience on Markus’ face, replaced by a look of complete perplexity. 

“Yes…?”

“Yes, I’ll go with you.” What was he saying, fuck what he was saying? He expected Sodom’s fire, Gomorrah’s brimstone to rain down on him at any second, or the car to hit them before anything else provided how a sixth and seventh honk had gone off.  “But I’ll have to be home early. 11:00, no later or my mother will worry.”

“Okay?” A breath escaped Markus, a relieved one no doubt. That patience could’ve been genuine, or a facade for his panic, it was hard to tell right now. “Okay, sure, that’s...that’s not a problem. 11:00, got it. Any particular time you want me to pick you up or…not, the prom is next week, so I guess we don’t have to decide right now…”

He smiled, a wide, lovely smile that made the warmth in Connor’s stomach wallow even deeper. 

“So I guess that’s it then...I mean, you’re really sure you wanna go?”

“I...” Connor stepped back onto the sidewalk and over to the crosswalk button. His hand lingered over it, but he didn’t press. “I suppose...I am. Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Sure you want to go with me. ” Hovering. Hovering still, dropped back down, fingers curling up. He glanced at Markus, and with such bleak uncertainty at that. “People are going to stare...they’ll say awful things, I know it. Aren’t you worried--”

“Yeah, I am. But I also decided I don’t care.” Markus joined him on the sidewalk, another buzz sounding from his pocket. He pulled out his phone, but didn’t check it just yet. “See, I’ve had some time to think about it, had some time to talk about it. And I figure it's a free country--if they can do what they want, then so can I.”

(free country. do what i want.)

(make your own decisions)

Markus’ words had sounded...strikingly similar to Mr. Anderson’s, and Connor willingly spared a moment to think them over, while Markus attended to whatever notification had appeared on his phone.

Could he...did he dare follow them?

He had already in a sense, having accepted Markus’ invitation--and maybe in even more ways in the past without having realized it. When Mama’d refused to pay his way to Christian summer camp, he’d taken matters into his own hands--had worked odd jobs for neighbors until he’d saved up enough money, and even if he had ended up coming home a week early due to a broken arm and constant teasing, he’d decided he wanted to go. 

He’d decided it was something he wanted to do, something he strived towards. And it hadn’t been all that bad either, in fact he’d had quite a bit of fun the first few days until he realized no one was gonna bother branching off from their own church groups to hang out with him.

It could be the same with prom. Markus might end up tired of him, abandon him for his friends. 

He might end up alone.

But at least it would’ve been his own choice that had led him there.

“--and apparently one of those things isn’t standing around here much longer.” He startled, looking to Markus, who was putting his phone away. 

“What? What is it?”

“North. She’s threatening to leave me here if I don’t, and I quote, ‘get my fucking ass to the parking lot’.”

“Oh, I...” Connor swallowed hard, wrapping his arms around his stomach in an attempt to quell the stirring warmth. “I’m sorry if I kept you, I didn’t mean--”

“No no, it’s okay, don’t worry. It’s nothing I’m not used to, she texts me like this even when I’m not running late.” Chuckling, Markus scratched at the back of his head and sighed. “Shit, like she’s one to talk with all the times I’ve had to wait for her…”

He pressed back a groan, another buzz emitting from his pocket. Back out went his phone, as he turned away from Connor.

“Honestly I spend more time replying than I do walking...fuck…” Rapid taps, he began walking away. Stopped suddenly, then turned back to Connor, who still hadn’t moved from the crosswalk button. He hadn’t pressed it yet either. “Hey um...wait, actually do you wanna come?” 

Connor blinked. 

“....come where?”

“With me. And the others, obviously--” His smile was back, more of a grin this time. So warm, so warm and genuine. Nothing he was used to. “We’re all headed over to Expresso’s for a bit to get some studying done for the History test tomorrow, I figure since we’re in the same class you wouldn’t mind joining us--if you can, I mean, I don’t know if there’s a specific time you have to be home or anything.”

“Can I? That is, if I wouldn’t be intruding--”

“You wouldn’t be, of course not. Besides, I don’t see how it’d be intruding if I invited you.”

Connor stepped away from the crosswalk, away from the button. Close to Markus, and returning his smile. It wasn’t half as big or half as warm, but it felt...good. Strange, but good. 

“Then if that’s the case--” (is this what it feels like?)  “I’d love to.”

He should’ve known what would be waiting for him as soon as he got home.

It was in the back of his mind, bugging him while he was at Expresso's with Markus and his friends. He hated to think of leaving, provided that for once in his life, he was managing to enjoy himself--but as time continued to pass and the clock ticked on and on, he’d realized that it was well past 4:15, and that Mama Amanda had more than likely returned to the house to not find him there.

If he’d had a phone it would’ve been ringing off the hook, and with that being said he was very glad he didn’t have one. It would’ve only been a distraction, a more present reminder than the creeping sense of unease in his head. He didn’t need it, or want it, not when he’d been otherwise relaxed.

Markus had said they were going to Expresso's to study, but Connor couldn’t say they’d gotten much done. A majority of time had been spent talking, eating pastries fresh from the oven, drinking hot chocolate while they all lounged about on bean bags that were placed near the fireplace. It was probably the coziest Connor had ever felt in his life, and the most welcome; none of Markus’ friends--not Josh, Simon, or even North--had balked much when he showed up in the parking lot with him. In fact they’d all seemed pretty eager to have him come, and it surprised him just how much at home he’d felt around them.

It was foreign, for him to feel that way. Foreign to smile, foreign to talk and be listened to--and nobody had seemed relieved when he announced he had to get home, not like his cabin mates when he’d left camp. The most that’d been said was North making a quip about his mother, saying that they’d “probably let him go before she sent out the entire sheriff’s department to look for him”.

And he’d laughed.

He’d laughed, and it felt wonderful. Everything about that afternoon felt wonderful, up until he’d realized what time it was, and that his mother was more than likely tearing a hole into the floor waiting for him to get back.

He almost didn’t want to get out of the car when they dropped him off. It’d taken a minute, perhaps two--Markus had taken notice of his hesitance, asked him if he’d be okay to go inside. Connor had tried to smile, tried to reassure him, but unlike the smile he’d given him before they left for Expresso's, this one was less authentic and more or less stressed.

Right then and there, he almost wanted to tell him. Tell Markus, tell them what was going on, but he also didn’t want to take any chances. He’d just started hanging out with them, they might even like him already, and dumping all of this on them now when they’d began being so nice to him just felt like he was taking advantage.

He didn’t want to do that. Didn’t bother, and instead stumbled out of the car. They’d all said goodbye to him before he shut the door, drove off afterwards--not before saying they’d see him tomorrow. Markus had said that, so earnestly and warmly, it’d made Connor’s heart swell.

He hoped that he’d meant that. That he wanted to see him, that he wanted him to walk with him, with his friends to class. To sit with them at lunch. Or maybe he’d just been polite, and that inviting him to prom next week and Expresso’s today was as far as their relationship would go. 

Only time would tell.

Now that they’d driven out of sight, Connor turned around towards his house, feelings of comfort and wonder replaced by wicked, awful dread. The same feeling he felt everyday when he arrived, which only grew worse the further he got to the front door. 

Somehow, it felt worse today. And he hadn’t even opened the door yet.

As he reached for the gate latch, a splash of rain water smacked the palm of his hand, causing him to look up at the sky. It wasn’t quite evening, but it was already dark thanks to the plethora of clouds having amassed during his ride home. Eyes back down to the house, he pulled the gate latch back and stepped inside, each step towards the porch feeling longer and heavier than the one before it. 

He could see the windows, how their dirty, stained-glass seemed to be illuminated by the melting wax candles placed in their sills. Turning his head to the side, he saw the worn, hand-sewn house flag whipping about in the evening air, the approaching storm in the distance a threat to send it flying right off its rod.

(not if I sent it flying first)

Up the front steps he went onto the porch, over to the door which was always locked regardless if anyone was home or not. He reached into his jacket, withdrew his house key, and unlocked it as quietly as he could muster, stepping inside. Instantly he was greeted with the crackled sounds of a choir singing from the radio, and the aroma around him smelled a cross between rhubarb and strawberries. A pie. Mama must’ve been cooking a pie.

A glance to the clock. 4:55. 

Any later and he would’ve been eating that pie cold.

No sooner had he taken his key from the lock, afterwards shutting the door, the noise summoned Mama from out of the kitchen. In an instance she was on him, pouncing like a hawk on some poor, unsuspecting critter on the ground. 

“ Where have you been?” she demanded, approaching Connor with a fury usually reserved for Sunday. “4:15, I get home, you’re nowhere to be found. I thought you could’ve been in your room, but no--no, I knocked, you weren’t there. Now forty minutes later you come stumbling in, and when it's storming no less?”

“It’s barely drizzling, Mama.” He set his bag on the ground, shrugging off his jacket to put on the coat rack. “I’m alright--”

“We had an agreement, Connor. We agreed, when those people made you start going to their school--” She followed him, as he picked his bag back up and headed towards the stairs. “We agreed you’d come home immediately after you were done. You know what might happen if you stayed around any longer, you know the kinds of ideas--”

“I know. You’ve told me.” Connor stopped at the foot of the stairs, not willingly, but he knew Mama would follow him up if they didn’t finish this conversation now. He couldn’t have her follow him up, not to his room. “And I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t let you know somehow, but it was a last minute thing and I wasn’t sure if you’d be working late today or not--”

“What was a last minute thing?” A flash. A flash in Mama’s eyes, fear maybe? Worry? No, that was too good for her. Too good. “Tell me right now, if that school was keeping you late--”

She cut herself off, clamping her jaw shut. 

“No. Nevermind.” Gone that flash, that fear was, and she was back to her formerly and usually taught expression. “Nevermind, we’ll deal with this later. You go on upstairs, I’ll let you know when you can come down.”

“...Yes ma’am. Do you need me to set the table?”

“If you can.” She turned from him, walking back into the kitchen. “Just put your things away first, and wash up.”

He did. That’s what he left to do, as soon as he made sure she wasn’t about to come back with another statement. Up the stairs, first to his room so he could put away his bag, his books, and then to the bathroom. On went the faucet, back went his sleeves. He pumped some soap into his hands and ran them underneath the lukewarm water spilling out, splashing some onto his face.

He looked up at his reflection as he patted his cheeks dry, and dropped the hand towel back to the sink. Two minutes passed.

(crack)

A small crack slivered across the glass, a very, very small one. Not like the shattering bullethole that’d destroyed his mirror, but enough to split his face in half. In the first half, his eyes shone, not quite as dull as they often were. In the second, the corners of his lips twitched.

Something was alive in there, in him. 

He’d felt it when he’d lifted his bed, his books, when he’d been with Markus and the others today. Two different sorts of alive, that felt all weird and exciting at the same time. 

He’d made his choice with these powers, made his choice to go to prom. Even if the latter had been done out of a moment’s panic, it felt wonderful. 

If this was how deciding things for yourself felt, he wanted to do it more often.

(i do i do i want to more than anything)

“Connor, did you fall in? Come set the table now!”

“Yes--” (my choices my life do you hear that) “-- Mama.” 

Away from his reflection, the mirror he looked, and he picked the hand towel up from where he’d dropped it, placing it back on its rack. After running a quick comb through his windblown curls, he clicked the bathroom light off and headed back down the stairs into the dining room.

Aside from the occasional cracks of thunder outside, the first few minutes of dinner that night were relatively quiet.

Mama was still angry with him, Connor could tell, as she hadn’t spoken to him since asking him to bless the meal. Even if she didn’t show it visibly, her silence and mannerisms were reason enough to think so--the way she’d barely looked at him, had kept her eyes on a torn copy of  The Pursuit of Holiness as she sipped her tea. 

Connor sat across from her, poking at his slice of pie with disinterest. Truth be told, he wasn’t very hungry after all the pastries he’d eaten at Expresso's with the others--he hadn’t meant to, could recall Mama saying such sweet things were self-indulgent and that one should partake in their consumption very lightly, if not at all.

Was it really his fault that North had bought a whole box full of the stuff, though? 

Not at all, but he supposed he could’ve shown the tiniest bit of self restraint and not spoiled his appetite, instead of having consumed at least four cookies, two croissants, and three cake pops; and that wasn’t even mentioning the two cups of hot chocolate he’d drank. 

Dare he say it, but that was the most full he’d ever felt in his whole life, and it’d felt every bit as good as everything else that day had.

What didn’t feel good now, was the uncomfortable presence seated at the table with them. The thunder was growing closer with every rumble, and the room was barely lit aside from the soft glow of two candles, alongside the occasional flash of lightning. Connor dropped his fork on his plate, letting off a subtle  klink.

This prompted Mama to look up from her booklet, at his full plate of food. 

“Connor, you’ve barely touched your dinner.” She looked back down to her booklet, taking a bite from her own plate as she turned the page. “Is something the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter Mama, I’m just not hungry.”

“Don’t give me any nonsense excuses, you haven’t eaten since lunch. Now eat your food, before it gets cold.”

Another sip from her tea, another turn of the page. Connor picked up his fork, biting down on his lip as he willed himself to cut off the smallest piece of pie from his slice, but he didn’t take a bite from it. He didn’t like this uncomfortable air in here, didn’t like the quiet. He always hated the quiet, it always meant something bad was going to happen.

And it was. Something bad was going to happen after dinner, he just knew it. There’d be another lecture, another reading from her Bible as she forced him to stare at the crucifix, the altar. Then she’d grab him by the hands and they’d pray, and he’d be spending the rest of the night trapped in the closet with the anguished souls plastered to the walls.

That wasn’t going to happen. Not again. He wouldn’t let it.

His fork went back down, next to his plate, onto the table this time. Hands folding together, he looked up at his mother with great apprehension. 

“Mama?”

“Yes?” She didn’t look at him, not up from her book, as she turned yet another page.

Another flash of lightning illuminated the room.

“About earlier, when I came home late...I…” He swallowed hard and fast, a choked pain stabbing at his throat. “I want to...I want to say I’m sorry, alright? I really am, and if you’d just give me a chance to explain--”

“I told you before, we’d deal with this after dinner.” Closer. Closer the thunder cracked, and the sound of several muffled raindrops began pitter-pattering at the windows and roof. “Whatever you have to say, you can save for the Lord.”

“No Mama, I--” (my own choice my own) “I want to talk it about it now, with you. I never get to talk to you about things, I mean, other kids talk to their parents, they never have to pray--”

“Because they’re different from you, Connor. They’re as different as you are from them.” Mama traced her finger down the page of her book, taking another sip of tea. “You’re not like them, and you never will be.”

“But I want to! I do want to be like them, I…” He quieted down, as Mama had glanced up at him with an expression sharp enough to cut through the curtains hanging on the wall. “I’m tired of living like this, Mama, everyone thinks I’m funny, they’ve always stared--always called me names, and I...I hate it.”

“As the Christians in Egypt hated their persecution, and they were justly rewarded in due time for their faithfulness. As will you, Connor, as will both of us. When the Lord comes again--”

“I don’t want to wait that long.” The raindrops began to grow heavier, winds picking up. “I can’t, Mama. I want to be rewarded now, start making my own choices and living my own life--”

“Enough. Just where is all of this coming from?” Sharper her expression grew, and her brows furrowed deep. “Someone has been planting ideas in your head, I want to know who. Who have you been talking to?”

“I...no one…” Heavier. Heavier the raindrops fell, and heavier the uncomfort in the room began to grow. Mama said nothing, but Connor could sense she didn’t buy his answer. If she had she would’ve said so, but as per usual, life was never quite the simple for him. 

“...alright. Alright, some kids from school. They invited me to hang out with them after class.” One of these furrowed brows rose, but Mama still didn’t say anything, inviting Connor to continue albeit very timorously. “One of them...Markus…”

He grabbed at the table cloth, gripping it tight. Inhale. Exhale.

“Markus...he invited me to go with him. To the prom.”

(why did you say that o god i had to tell her eventually)

At this, Mama’s eyes widened and her expression folded in something Connor had never seen before, something so unlike her he couldn’t manage to read it. The booklet had been forgotten, dropped from her hand to the floor. Her tea cup stayed frozen mid air, the liquid inside beginning to ripple as her hold on it trembled.

 “What did you say?”

“The prom…the senior prom. Everyone else is going, so...” A crack of thunder shook the house, and the rain began to pour down in a harrowing assault. “I didn’t think about going, not ever. Never thought anyone would ask me, not if it wasn’t a joke or anything...and I don’t think Markus was joking when he asked me otherwise he wouldn’t have done it twice--”

“You should’ve known better, you should’ve said no.”

The handful of table cloth Connor was gathering increased, as he grimaced.

“That’s just it. I couldn’t say no, Mama, he seemed so determined to have me go with him. What was I supposed to do?”

She didn’t respond to him. Took a large, quiet sip from her cup as it continued to tremble in her grasp.

“...he’s a nice boy, Mama, I promise. I wouldn’t have said yes if he wasn’t--”

“No.”

“--and he agreed to have me home by 11:00, I told him if I were out any later you’d worry--”

“I’ve heard enough, Connor--”

“--he even promised to come in and meet you before we left, he did! He said he would, Mama please.” He let go out of the table cloth, sitting up a bit straighter in his seat. He shouldn’t keep going like this, it always ended badly and he was only rushing the horridness that was come to come later tonight--but he didn’t care. 

He didn’t.

Because things were going to be in his control this time.

“Mama, I promise you it isn’t what you think. It isn’t, we’re just going as friends. Nothing else.” She was sipping from her tea, picking her booklet back up from the ground. Not looking at him. “I promise you that’s all it is. All of us--me, him and his friends, we’re all going together as a group, just like we did today. I like hanging out with them, Mama, okay, I really do--and I’m going to hang out with them more.”

No response, nothing but thunder, but lightning. Mama wasn’t reading her book, but had folded it over beside her plate.  

“Don’t you get it, Mama? Do you understand what I’m saying?” Connor pulled both his hands back from the table, leaning forward. “I’m not like you. I want to be my own person, make my own decisions before I don’t have that chance anymore--”

He sputtered, choking as lukewarm tea was thrown into his face. Strands of hair fell in his vision, and he sat there stunned, throat swelling as the golden-brown liquid dripped from his chin and splashed onto the lace placemat below him.  

“Enough! That’s enough, Connor, I’ve heard all I want to hear of this idiocy.” Mama had pushed her seat back, standing up from it. She sat her tea cup down hard enough to send a crack rippling through the porcelain. “You will go to your closet, now, and you will repent to be rid of these tempestuous ideals.”

“No, no I don’t want to--”

“Yes, you will. You must. You’ll only blacken your heart further if you don’t.” Her voice had risen only an octave, but somehow it seemed louder to Connor than the storm going on outside. “Going to this prom will only encourage you to enact upon them. You can’t go, Connor, you won’t.”

“But I already said I would!”

“Say no then, tell that boy you changed your mind.” Mama picked up her book, her cup, her plate full of pie crumbs. “He only wants one thing from you, they all do. Can’t you see it, after all I’ve taught you, told you--you should’ve known better!”

She rounded the table, crossing over to him. Dropping her things, grabbing him by his arms before he could cover his ears. 

“Let me go--Mama, please, it’s just a dance--”

“A dance, of course. That’s what it’ll start out as, but where do you think it’ll lead?” Mama’s grip on him worsened, more painful and terrible than it ever had been before. “I’ll tell you where it’ll lead you--a cheap, dirty motel room somewhere out of town. A dark room full of stink and liquor, and the things--oh, the things that boy will do to you. He’ll look at you with lust, treat you as nothing but a piece of meat for him to infect. And do you know where you’ll be after that?”

“Stop it, Mama, stop--”

“Alone, Connor. You’ll be alone, scarred, and diseased.” She pulled him close, their foreheads touching. He kept his eyes level with hers, refusing to look away despite the terror he felt pumping through his blood. “Once that boy gets what he wants from you, he’ll leave you behind, to corrupt someone else. It’s what....”

She silenced, and for a minute, went unusually still.  The color began to fade from her face, eyes drifting off as she were traversing somewhere else.

“It’s what your father did.”  Eyes drifted back up to him, her shaking fingers removing a soaked strand of hair from out of his face. He could see the veins pulsating in her forehead, the way her pupils had doubled in size. “Or what he tried to do. But I wouldn’t let him--I was strong, I wouldn’t let him corrupt me. And this boy will try and do the same thing to you, Connor, do you hear me? He will corrupt if you let him, you can’t let him.”

Color was suddenly back in her face, and she let go of Connor’s arms, standing back up. Solemnly, she retrieved her things from the floor.

“I’m going to the altar.” she announced. “You go to your closet, and join me once you have finished repenting.”

“I’m not going to do that.” 

“Yes, you will. You will, or so help me--”

“I said no, Mama.”

Fury flashed over her eyes, and she dropped her plate and cup back to the table. Only her booklet remained clutched in her hands. 

He knew what was coming. 

He knew, having been in this situation enough times. But he didn’t move from his seat, didn’t tear his gaze from Mama as she rose the booklet in the air. Any second now, it would strike him in the face. It would strike him, and send him down onto the floor, then Mama would force him to the closet as he screamed and begged her not to do so.

That’s what would’ve happened. If the booklet didn’t fly loose from her hands, and go soaring through the dining room entrance into the hall leading towards the living room. Mama’s hands stayed in place, as she stared down at their sudden emptiness in perplexity. 

Fear. 

He sensed that fear, that same terror, as when she’d come up to his room last week with the knife. 

Only it seemed twice as magnified this time.

She hardly spared Connor a glance as she turned to leave the room. To retrieve her book perhaps, or to bring that knife back, Connor didn’t know and certainly didn’t want to find out. Either way it meant something bad for him, and he was most certainly finished with bad things happening to him after today. 

“Stop, Mama. Come back.”

The table upturned before she could even make it out the kitchen door, which itself slammed shut and locked. Every dish that’d been on the table, every plate and cup scattered about the floor, completely shattered into irreparable bits. The pie tin, exploding as it made impact with the wall, leaving nothing but a deep red stain behind.

Mama stayed where she was, unmoving, back turned. Thunder cracked overhead, not quite as loud as it had been before. 

“Look at me, Mama.” She didn’t. Wouldn’t. Connor got up from his chair, sending both it and Mama’s chair flying into the wall, with enough force to send their Last Supper painting crashing down onto the ground, splitting in half. 

“Look at me!”

Slowly, she turned her head. Her body, until she was facing Connor once more. Face contorted, rigid, and she backed into the locked door, hands pressing against it.

“Witch.” she murmured. “Devil’s spawn. You have his power.”

“It’s no one’s power but my own, and you know it.” Connor spoke quietly, daring to walk closer to his mother, who shrunk further back into the door. “Don’t act like you don’t, you’ve always known, haven’t you? Ever since I made the stones come…you’ve been pretending. Making me forget I had it.”

At the mention of the stones, that sensible fear took over Mama’s whole expression before disappearing just as fast.

“I had to. It was for your own good, that kind of power...it can only bring more evil than good.” She reached for his hands, as he was close enough, taking them into her own. “It would only tempt you further down the path of sin, and you know I’ve never wanted that for you--”

“I don’t care what you want for me, Mama. That doesn’t matter, not anymore.” Connor shirked his hands from hers, stepping back. He struggled to keep his voice steady, oh how it was coming close to breaking. Dissolving. “What matters is what I want, and what I want is to go to prom with Markus.”

“Connor, don’t. He’s like the others, he’s just going to--”

“I don’t care! He asked me and I said yes, so I’m going.” More thunder. Lightning. The worst that there’d been since their conversation started. “It’s what I decided, it’s what I’m gonna do. You can’t do anything to stop me. This is my life, Mama. My choice. I’m not gonna let you control me, not anymore.” 

But Mama wasn’t listening anymore. She wasn’t, and instead was turning away from him, wringing, pressing the palms of her hands against the wall. Bringing her arms back to her chest, folding her hands together in a motion of prayer.  

This was bad. 

This was the worst thing he’d ever said to her, and he’d sworn at her more times than he’d meant to. 

But God, it felt so wonderful. 

Maybe even more wonderful than eating those pastries or deciding to go to the prom had been.

He looked over to Mama, one more time before he left the room. She had sunk to her knees, her lips moving rapidly, words coming out quick and urgent, words he recognized as the Lord’s Prayer. The prayer he himself would utter in distress, or used to. He would never be uttering it that way ever again, he’d promised himself that after that horrid day in the showers. 

He’d promised himself so many things that day. That he wouldn’t cry anymore, that he wouldn’t let anyone have their way. What had stopped him from doing so before, he didn’t know or care. 

All he knew was that he was in control now, and he was going to make damn sure that everyone else knew that. 

Chapter Text

Eleven. Two. Three.

Eleven. Two. Four.

Eleven. Two. Five.

The time ticked on further into the night, clouds smothering the sky like the heavy quilts draped across his bed. The rain hadn't quite stopped yet, having drawn to a slow drizzle in the hours since dinnertime. Lightning no longer illuminated their tiny bungalow, but flashed every so often in the distance, thunder softly rumbling alongside it.

Eleven. Two. Six.

Eleven. Two. Seven.

There was a still sort of quiet in the air, not any comfortable sort of quiet mind you but... still. More still than it had been in a long, long time. Connor could no longer hear the sewing machine clacking, hadn't heard it at all tonight. No music from the radio, no crackled voices or ear splitting static that was audible.

It'd been silent, ever since dinner. Ever since he told Mama he was going to the prom with Markus, ever since he'd said he wanted to live his own life. Since he'd sent the table soaring across the room, had broken the dishes, sent the painting crashing down upon the floor. Split in half, Jesus fractured in two between the disciples aside Him.

He'd only seen her once after that happened, after he'd come downstairs to say goodnight. She wasn't praying anymore, not whispering anything like she had when he left the dining room--instead, she was still. Still and unnervingly silent, seated on the sofa with a vacant, dark stare fixated on her face. Her Bible clutched in her hands, which he'd noticed were trembling, bookmark sticking out from where she might've previously been reading.

She hadn't acknowledged him much, let alone speak to him. Only a small glance, barely a glance his way as he spoke to her, told her he was going to bed. He didn't stoop to kiss her cheek as usual, and she didn't reach for his hands, either.

It was clear that something had changed in the Stern household, tonight. Something was different, as one might have expected it to be. After what had happened and what had been said, there was no way things could go back to being the same.

And Connor was perfectly okay with that.

Something had changed within him, so it was only fair that his home should follow suit. Of course there was a chance that the music would be back tomorrow, that Mama would be at work at her sewing machine again, but there was no denying that the air was going to be different from now on. 

Mama knew. 

She knew what he could do, she'd always known, and she was afraid. She would never say so out loud as that was not in her nature, but he could tell. The way her entire body had seized, how her eyes flashed in readable fear several times over. 

She'd not even tried to do anything else after that, had made no effort to propel him towards the altar, the closet. She'd been afraid to, probably been afraid he'd shatter the windows or split the table in half. Probably been afraid he'd make the stones come again.

He could've. He could've made them come again, if he'd really wanted to, which he hadn't, not really. What he'd done tonight was more than enough; he'd told Mama what needed to be said, had done what he needed to do.

Now it was time to focus on the future.

For once he found himself thinking of it in a more positive light, as he was only somewhat dreading his arrival to school tomorrow. If Markus had indeed been genuine in his saying that he'd see him tomorrow, then he finally had something else to look forward to. Had finally been given the chance he'd been yearning, aching for for so long.

The chance to feel more alive, than he had in all his years of simply existing.

Now seated cross-legged bed, it didn’t seem as if he would be retiring underneath the covers anytime soon--least of all not in the next few minutes. In front of him sat not either of his library books, but a smaller, thinner book--navy blue, trimmed with gold edges and an engraved text on the front that read “Cage High Yearbook”, with a date from the previous year etched beneath it.

This was the previous year’s yearbook, Connor didn’t think he’d ever seen one before now. Not up close anyways, he’d never seen the point in owning one when nobody would want to sign it. Why he had one from last year in possession now was Simon’s doing, and maybe part of his own since he’d accepted it. 

Today, in Expresso, while they’d been hanging out. 

What had they been talking about that led up to his gifting it to him, talk about prom? Simon being on the yearbook committee, or was he in the prom committee? Both, maybe? North had jabbed at him for it so that was probably it--Connor could only remember conversation about how they were trying to decide whether to order yearbooks with the same design as last year’s or to switch it up to something new and exciting, especially provided that a lot of the class was graduating next month. The one he’d had with him at the moment was his own, and he must’ve taken notice of Connor craning his neck over to see the pictures--he must’ve, or else he would’ve never thought to give it to him. 

And he hadn’t forgotten to give it back to him. He hadn’t, he would’ve never--and had tried to hand it back to Simon before they left. But he hadn’t taken it, shaking his head, Connor could recall him doing so--pressing the book back into his hands.

“Nah, keep it.  I was just gonna throw it out anyways.” he’d said, shrugging nonchalantly. “God knows I don’t need it, don’t even know why I kept it if I’m being honest. Probably for sentimental reasons or some crap.”

And so Connor had kept it, especially after Simon’s comment of throwing it away. He couldn’t understand why he would want to throw it away, when he’d made that comment about sentimental reasons. He’d even managed to get a whole page of signatures,  some names Connor recognized, some he didn’t--Markus’ being the most noticeable and perhaps the most elegantly scribbled.

He’d spent a good minute and a half tracing his finger over each letter, repeating this motion before he’d bothered to turn the page, and then the next. Pouring over it for hours, over the pictures and newspaper clippings, the fun little notes scribbled inside. One page held a collage of all the prom kings and queens over the years, back from when the school was founded up until last year. And something that seemed to be a common pattern in this collage, was the fact that every single boy who’d been elected prom king had been a Manfred.

Markus’ family. 

Add that to the list of reasons as to why he was practically a shoe-in to win, and no wonder he needed a date, else he couldn’t run. There was no way Leo would’ve ever been nominated, he hung out with Gavin and...well, anyone who hung out with Gavin had to have some disregard for their reputation. That would definitely kill his chances of being the elected Manfred, which only left Markus.

And who would be standing by his side as prom queen….who knew at this point. It’d been bound to be North, before now, before Markus had asked Connor. Was there a chance that he...maybe possibly…

No. 

No, there wasn’t. What chances did Connor have on prom court, he didn’t have to hang out with Gavin for a negative reputation given that he’d been building one since that afternoon in the cafeteria. And he wasn’t exactly prom queen material either, provided his lack of...obvious reasons, which didn’t bode well for Markus winning, even if he’d said he didn’t care what anyone thought about them going together. Was he aware that this might be the first time in a long time that a school tradition was about to be broken? And all because he’d dared to have a heart?

Possibly. It was possible he was aware, Connor doubted he would’ve asked him otherwise.

He then turned from the collage, turned several pages over, to a photo of Markus, standing next to one of his paintings, an oversized blue ribbon pinned to it. 

Connor stared. Then he pulled back the tape keeping the photo in place, pulling it free from the paper, the book. Into his own hands, he cupped it, cradled it closely as he stayed transfixed on the image. Transfixed, until he was no longer looking at the painting, or the ribbon. Markus. Just Markus, was all he could see. 

(god his smile i love his smile)

He winced at the thought. Mind travelled back to earlier, to tonight. 

(he only wants one thing from you that’s what she said, that’s what she said but she’s wrong)

She was. Mama was so very wrong, Markus would never…

But then, how well did Connor know him exactly? 

Sure, he could vaguely remember bits and pieces of seeing in elementary school, watching him from afar in middle school until he basically disappeared into the popular kid bubble as soon as they all entered high school. He’d never...well, he’d never seemed terrible, like he’d ever do that kind of thing to someone...to him…

His heart began to hammer, heat creeping up, bubbling through his chest to his neck, his face. Head swam, dizziness. He was dizzy, like the way he felt after using his powers but...this wasn’t the same. This was definitely not the same as that, instead it felt...like all the other times he’d invited those sinful notions into his head.

Now his own words were travelling back to him, his own statement.

“Mama, I promise you it isn’t what you think. It isn’t, we’re just going as friends, nothing else.”

(was it is is it really nothing else o fuck)

He fell back on the bed, folding the picture as both hands rested atop his chest. Eyes looked up towards the ceiling, wandering, wide. Head still swimming, heat pouring from his ears, from every surface. He must be a deep shade of scarlett now, scarlett like blood, red like sin--

Don’t. Don’t look at the picture. He wasn’t going to, he had to put it back--but that would require looking at it and he didn’t--

Beside him, his nightstand began to shake. Vibrate. Quiver. Hard enough, to where the one lamp he had fell, lightbulb crashing, shattering, room going pitch black.

He sat up straight. Unfolded the picture, reached for the book. Slipped it back in, shut the book. 

Good.

He didn’t have to look at it anymore.

(but i want to)

"I'm--huh? Me? Running on the prom court?"

It was a given that this wasn't the news Connor was expecting to hear today, due to the perplexed expression that had just washed over his features, and his sudden stopping in his tracts.

Now Markus hadn't exactly planned on telling him this as soon as he'd spotted him in the hallway, really he hadn't. Talking to him, yes, that had for certain been in the cards, him and the others walking alongside him, that too. Him and North, Josh and Simon having to run off to shop class halfway through. But it wasn't like he could prolong mentioning the fact that he was gonna be running on the prom court with him, that he had to. Prom was creeping closer than he could count, and to everyone else's knowledge he was still going with North, that he was still running on the court with her.

Then again, with how the rumor mill tended to operate in this school, he wondered just how long that idea would stay afloat. People were no doubt talking after that moment in the cafeteria yesterday, and that wasn't even mentioning the other times he'd been trying to talk to him since last week.

He liked to think he'd meant what he'd said about not caring about what everyone thought, and he didn't. Not entirely, not anymore. And today would be a good time as any to prove that with that they had to do.

"Why not? You're my date, aren't you?" He smiled, tried to, which only resulted in Connor's head turning away from him. "It wouldn't really make sense for me to run with anyone else when you think about it, would it?"

"Absolutely not, besides, it's not like I’m officially dropping out or anything.” North countered from beside him. "Technically, sign ups started today, so with that being said, you don't really have much of a say in the matter."

"But--" They stopped at his locker, Connor fumbling to unlock it while at the same time, unzipping his bag. "I mean, would it even be allowed? With me being--I don't know, it's not like anyone would vote for us--"

He withdrew a History textbook, dropping it into the bag. Put away his Chemistry book, shut the locker.

"You're shitting me, right? No one's gonna vote for you?" He resumed walking, they all resumed, North letting out a snort. "You're running with the one and only Markus Manfred--"

"North, hey, stop that--"

"--whose family founded this very town we live in now--”

“No, no we only helped found it--”

“--so at this rate they’re pretty much a traditional legacy around this place.” Promptly, she ignored Markus, quickening her pace to walk beside Connor. "And because this school gives more fucks about tradition than literally anything else, there's no way they'd let him lose. Not over something as petty as you going with him, that'd be like--a whole other level."

All of them came to a stop, as before when the news had first been broken. Only not as abruptly this time. Connor looked at him, eyes glimmering with...something. Something new, and very hopeful.

"You really think we'd have a chance…?" 

“I mean…” Markus scratched at the back of his neck, head tilting a bit to the side. “Yeah, I guess so. That is, only if you really wanna run with me--because if you don’t, that’s fine too. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal? Your family’s won this thing every goddamn year--” North interjected, but stopped as soon as he cleared his throat. 

“ And I’m sure it won’t hurt us to lose at least once.” Eyes narrowing at North, he turned back to Connor, who was nibbling at a loose piece of skin from his lower lip. Jaw shifting, eyes squinted in contemplation, perhaps, his hands wound and clasped. “Really, it’s up to you if you wanna, Connor. No pressure.”

A classroom door opened up behind them, a chattering crowd of students emerging from it. Other than that, there was nothing from the three of them, not for several seconds. Until Connor unclasped his hands, stopped nibbling at his lip, and looked up. That shine of hope was back in his eyes, brighter than ever, and Markus found himself momentarily entranced by it.

“Okay...” He sounded hesitant, glancing behind him as the last half of students exited the classroom. Made sure they were gone. “Okay, I think I’ll run with you. If you’re really sure--”

“Are you? Because like I said, you don’t have to--”

“No--no, I do. I’d like to.” He piped up, voice raising from its prior and typical silent monotone. Bounced on his feet somewhat. “I...guess it’s only fair, like--like you said, we’re going together. Who else would you run with?”

Their expressions met, even if it wasn’t for long as Connor ducked his head away as Markus kindly smiled his way--at the same time, smartly ignoring the knowing grin he knew damn well North was giving him. 

“You make a fair point. Alright.” They all began to walk down the hall once more. The Period Two bell could be heard as it began to faintly ring in the distance. “Alright, cool so--maybe we can sign up together after lunch, that sound good to you?”

“Sure. Sounds wonderful.” His head still lowered, Connor stood back as Markus pushed the classroom door open, before quickly slipping inside. Quick enough before he noticed the light pink flush beginning to color his ears.

As agreed upon, they headed to meet with the prom committee as soon as they’d finished eating, though Connor wasn’t sure he’d gotten much of that done. It’d been hard to eat with his stomach churning so much as it was, and he’d been certain he was about to throw up several times during their trek from the cafeteria to the gym. At one point, Markus stopped and asked if he’d like to visit the nurse’s office--which meant that embarrassingly so, his uneasiness was beginning to show on him.

Of course he’d said no, insisted he’d be fine. Insisted twice before Markus thankfully left the matter alone, and they went on their way. A few short minutes later and there they were in the gym, which was covered in giant sheets of paper, tarp, and paint buckets. At several pop up tables, some students busily worked on what looked to be paper mache stars, while at another, they worked on wrapping some tinfoil around a huge styrofoam ball.

The table they were heading towards held no sort of craft making, instead a pretty blonde girl--Chloe Kamski, Connor was sure that was her name--sat at it, all by herself and bent over a large notebook. Next to said notebook was a series of pens, some pencils. A sign in front read “Prom Court - Sign up here!”.

As soon as he’d read it, Connor stopped right then and there. The churning hadn’t quite ceased, but the sight of that sign--and well, pretty much everything else around him had just made it worse. This whole situation, the reality of it, was beginning to sink in on him, and he was beginning to regret his hastiness in all of this, the decisions he’d made on his own.

Was this another feeling that making your own decisions was like, this uneasiness and worry? He’d certainly feel a lot better if someone told him so he’d know ahead of time, he didn’t like feeling this way. 

Markus had been halfway to the sign up table when he realized Connor wasn’t walking next to him anymore. He turned around to see him, seized up in the middle of the room. Headed back to him, Connor avoiding his gaze, head lowered. People were staring, people had taken notice of him and were beginning to look--

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He nearly jumped, Markus’ hand brushing his shoulder in concern. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m--” Swallowing hard, Connor could feel his knees beginning to buckle. Could feel the eyes on him, without even looking. 

(i made my choice i made my decision this is what i decided this is what i want)

(is it really o god i’m not sure anymore)

Sharp inhale. Shaky smile, and he returned Markus’ gaze.

“I’m--” (too late to turn back now) “--fine.”

“You sure, because we can--”

“Yes. I’m sure.” Several more stares, several more people passed, whispering out of earshot. Connor straightened himself, releasing his crucifix which he hadn’t realized had been grabbed out of stressed instinct. 

“Okay…” One uncertain nod from Markus, and the two resumed their walk towards the table. Chloe’s head popped up from the notebook as they approached, a wide and glistening smile spreading over her face.

“Markus, hi!” She chirped brightly, hands folding in front of her. Concentrated on Markus and looking right past Connor as if he weren’t even there. “Are you here for prom court sign ups?”

“Naturally, I mean I’ve been unofficially campaigning for it for the past month so,” He chuckled, stepping up a bit closer to the table. Connor stayed behind him, hands behind his back. “I figured it wouldn’t hurt to make things official. Anyone else stopped by yet?”

“Nope, you’d be the first! Which, by the way, doesn’t actually give you an edge over everyone else.” She picked up a pen from beside her, shoving it and the notebook towards him as she winked. “Just a heads up, y’know?”

“Noted and appreciated.”  He picked up the pen, scribbling in his name at the top of the page, underneath already written text that read “prom court candidates”. Connor still hadn’t moved, as his attention had, for a minute, drifted off to watching some students and the mural they were painting. Everybody else seemed to have forgotten about him by now, and he probably would’ve forgotten he was there himself had Markus not cleared his throat.

“Hey, Connor?” 

He was extending the pen towards him. For him to take, for him to sign his name on that paper. For everyone to see--well, everyone on the prom committee that was, until they released the candidates to the entire school. Then they’d know. They’d all know that he was going, it wouldn’t be word of mouth anymore.

For a minute, he wanted to turn and leave. He wanted to walk out of the gym, away from Markus and all of this. Never make any of his own decisions again, retreat back into himself, recite the same prayers and read the same verses. Go back to the way things were before. 

That would be easier, it would certainly be so much easier than facing the results, which he had no idea what those would be. At least, if he retreated now he’d know what to expect…but that wasn’t so exciting, was it?

(is it)

(no)

He inhaled. The churning in his stomach stopped, altogether whether by itself or by force remained to be seen, and he took the pen from Markus. Stepped forward, towards the table, towards the notebook. Nobody was watching except for Markus, everyone was busy--even Chloe, who was distracted by a notification on her phone.

Now was the time. He was in control.

The pen pressed to the paper, he’d only just begun to scrawl his initials beneath Markus’ when Chloe put her phone aside, looking up in surprise as if she’d just noticed Connor’s presence. Well, that or she hadn’t expected to see him of all people at this sign up table--and with Markus of all people. 

“Wait--” His first name was written, and he was about to move to his last before Chloe’s voice stirred him into looking up. Hand freezing, pen seized in his fingers midway in the air. “Wait, Connor...Connor Stern? You’re running too?”

And just like that, he wasn’t in control anymore. One question, and he was back to wanting to turn around and leave, was about to until Markus stepped up beside him.

“That’s right, he is.” He didn’t sound...upset, per se, more like he was simply reaffirming Chloe’s question. “There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“That--no, I--” She shook her head, strands of hair falling from the impossibly tight ponytail they’d been tied back into. “Of course there isn’t, I was just wondering--he’s not running with you, is he? I thought North was--”

“Nope, change of plans.”  Shrugging, Markus shoved his hands into his pants pockets. Connor’s arm had begun to ache, though it didn’t deter him from lowering his hand which was still frozen with the pen in its grasp. “Besides, it’s a free country, and last I checked there’s nothing that said I couldn’t change my mind about who I’m taking to prom.”

“I never said that, it's just…” Chloe’s voice lowered to a hush, and she glanced around before continuing. “What I’m trying to say is that...I mean, Connor can technically run on the court if he wants to but...not with you. Not as your partner.”

Connor felt the pen slip from his fingers, clicking as it hit the table. 

“What? Why not?” Markus took his hands from his pockets, arms crossing together. “He’s my date, he should be allowed to! Unless that’s not how we’re doing it anymore, what’s the problem with--”

“Because it's always been a prom king and queen , Markus, that’s the problem.” Chloe grimaced at the gasp of disbelief Markus let out, smoothing her hair back into place. “There’s never been two kings before at this school, let alone two queens. It’d be breaking tradition--”

“Fuck tradition, that isn’t fair! Chloe, please--” He’d shouted, but at the risk of attracting other students’ attention, lowered his voice as he stepped closer to the table. Closer to Connor, who hadn’t moved since he’d dropped the pen. “All I wanna do is be able to run with my date, I’m not asking to actually win this thing. We just want to run, that’s all, can’t we do that much at least?”

Chloe opened her mouth, about to respond, but no words came out. She instead fell silent, looked between both boys as they stood in front of her. Next to each other, perhaps closer than they realized. Connor hadn’t realized it, provided the urgency of the moment. Otherwise he would’ve backed away.

“I…” She pulled back the notebook, took back the pen. “I’m sorry, I only print the ballots, it’s not up to me. Believe me, if it were I’d...well, nevermind. The fact is I’m not the one you wanna take this up with, not that you’d have much luck trying to talk Principal Fowler into it but…”

“Yeah? It’s worth a shot at least, come on Connor.” 

Connor realized how close they were now, only because Markus had grabbed him by the arm and was ushering him towards the doors. Before he could say anything to stop him, do anything to free himself, they were already out of the gym and going down the hallway. People stared, he could feel them staring as they passed by, but somehow it didn’t burn as much as it usually did.

The conversation ended up going the same way once they’d gotten to Principal Fowler’s office, not that Markus had expected it to go any different. In the back of his mind he’d hoped somewhat that it wouldn’t, but that was a false hope to have in this school, in this small, close minded town. Things like sexual orientation and the like were often hush hush discussions, ridiculous considering that they didn’t live back in the 1950s anymore but as his dad had once told him, sometimes things never changed much as you wished they would.

He wished they would today, because none of this was fair, not in the slightest. Traditions didn’t have to be upheld, not all the time. So what if there was a chance Cage High could end up with two prom kings or two queens this year, instead of the usual? Nobody would complain about it except maybe the older people in town, and maybe some of the snobbier parents he’d had the displeasure of overhearing at several parent-teacher nights--those very same parents who would hand over money to the school so their children could pass classes without question.

Those were the only people they had the risk of upsetting, alongside the possibility of losing that extra funding. But last Markus checked, this place was doing just well financially as it was and would not suffer should that funding be cut off. 

Besides, it wasn’t like what he was asking was against the law. He’d said so to Principal Fowler, several times over while Connor had stood quietly behind him, saying naught a word. He’d been quiet ever since they left the gym, and considering how much he’d begun to speak lately, such mannerisms were just a tad concerning.

“Lots of other schools are going gender neutral as far as prom courts go,” he went on to say, while the principal had his back turned, going through the file cabinet. “I don’t see why we can’t--”

“Because we aren’t other schools, Markus. That’s what I keep telling you.” The cabinet door rolled shut and Principal Fowler turned around, carrying a stack of papers back over to his desk. “We’ve been rooted in tradition for over sixty years now, it wouldn’t make sense to break it now.”

“God, again with tradition. Is that all you people care about around here?” 

He realized his words were risky, knew that it was borderline rude to speak to his elders like this. His parents had drilled more than enough manners into him since he was a kid, but sometimes manners had to be thrown out the window, especially in moments like this. 

“Well, yes. Amongst other things,” Dropping into his chair, the principal sighed and began to sort through his papers. “I also care about getting these reports sorted today, but I can’t do that until you leave my office, and I’m sure you have class to attend. Now unless you have any legit concerns you wish to speak to me about--”

“So what, this isn’t a legit concern, then?” Markus could barely keep his jaw from dropping open, Connor continuing to stay silent. “Principal, with all due respect, things aren’t like they were sixty years ago. It’s not like we don’t have other traditions to uphold, breaking one of them isn’t going to hurt--”

“Okay. Okay, I think I’ve heard all I’ve wanted.” Holding his hand up, Principal Fowler didn’t even bother looking up from his desk. “Markus, I like you. You’re one of the best students we’ve had at this school, you’ve never gone out of your way to cause issues and I’d prefer it if you’d keep it that way for now, alright?”

“I’m not trying to cause an issue, I just want to run on the prom court with my date!” The bell for the next period was ringing, he could hear it ever so faintly. “Jesus, it’s not like I’m asking for a whole lot here, can’t you just--”

“Markus, I said I’d heard all I wanted. Now the bell is ringing, so I suggest you and Connor hurry to your next class before you get marked absent.”

He’d gone back to sorting through his reports, leaving Markus to drop back in defeat. The bell kept on ringing, for several seconds, and nobody said a word, nobody seemed interested enough to. Except for himself, perhaps. But he knew when to walk away from a situation, much as he didn’t want to right now, but what else could he do? What else could he say? 

This was going to be another case where he had to rethink his strategy and return later, there was nothing else he could do now. If they didn’t leave for class, they’d both be in trouble and Markus didn’t want that...no, not when he’d inadvertently caused enough trouble for Connor already. He was just trying to make things right, damnit, and this wasn’t helping.

Shoulders slumping, he turned to leave. Was about to, and mumbled for Connor to come along with him, and he did. He was about to walk out with Markus, but stopped as soon as he’d opened the door. Markus stopped to look around, only to see Connor standing in place. Eyes seized, like he was deep in thought.

“Connor…?”

He didn’t respond, turned back to walk towards Principal Fowler’s desk. Markus nearly hissed his name again, heading quickly after him.

“Connor, nevermind it--”

“Principal Fowler,” The older man looked up, sighing a second time and perhaps more heavily than before, as Connor spoke, plainly and clearly. It was Markus’ turn to go silent, and to stand behind. 

“Connor, please, I already told you and Markus--”

“This school…” He interrupted him. Holy shit, he fucking interrupted him. What was going on, Connor never interrupted people, not unless he was upset. And he didn’t seem upset now, he just...seemed strangely calm. “It’s all about tradition, is it not?”

“I’d think it is, I only said so several times already--”

“And…” Connor swallowed hard, keeping his arms pinned to his sides, although Markus could see his fingers anxiously flexing. So, he wasn’t calm. That seemed more like it. “And one of those traditions...you’ve always had Manfred children winning this thing every year, haven’t you?”

Principal Fowler stopped sorting the files, looked back up. Straight at Connor, perplexed.

“Yes...yes, we have…but...”

“And--and weren’t they the ones who helped found this town? Aren’t they...aren’t they themselves a traditional legacy?”

Holy fuck. Where was his phone, he should be filming this. There was no way his friends were gonna believe this when he told them later, though North would likely spend the whole time calling him a hypocrite. She was always telling him to use his “my family helped found the town and we’re important” card more than he usually did, insisting it’d reap a lot of benefits but he’d always hated to. It made him feel so much more privileged than everyone else here, and he’d always been convinced it would never work, that it would just get him in trouble.

But it seemed like it was going to, as Principal Fowler seemed to be in complete disbelief. In fact he was at a loss for words it looked like, stammering as he tried to come up with some cleverly formal remark to make, as he always did, but Connor continued on.

“So...if you don’t let Markus run with who he wants...he...I--wouldn’t you be breaking that tradition?” He didn’t sound as certain now, voice beginning to waver. “I mean, because--I’m his date, it wouldn’t...it wouldn’t make sense for him to run with anyone else...would it?”

The bell had stopped ringing. Principal Fowler’s gaze stayed on Connor, unbroken, in contemplation. Markus held his breath, one to calm himself and two, so he wouldn’t accidentally say anything that would break this whole thing into pieces.

“When you put it like, I…” The principal removed his glasses, gaze finally breaking. “I suppose you raise a good point, Connor. Yes, you do, but you’ve got to understand--I--”

He rubbed at his eyes, sighing a third time.

“It’s not just on me to make this decision, I’d have to run it by the entire school…”

“Then do that. Prom’s not until next week,” Now Markus spoke, sensing this as the right time. He stood next to Connor, who stopped talking just as soon as he did. “We’ve got more than enough time.”

“I--” Just like Chloe had before, it was now Principal Fowler’s turn to cast glances to both Connor and Markus. And again as before, they stood side by side, albeit more determined this time around.

“Very well then. I’ll see what I can do.” Smiles began to erupt from them both, slowly but keenly. “I can’t make any promises but...if it’ll get you to leave and go to class--”

“It will! It will, Principal, thank you!” Markus’ beamed, exchanging his grin with Connor’s as they both walked back to the door to leave. Only, Connor looked away quickly, careful not to meet his eyes, but Markus hardly noticed.

“Fucking shit, Connor, that was amazing.” Once they were out of the office, out into the hall and heading to class, Markus couldn’t help but laugh. It was a delighted laugh, an impressed one. If he were being honest, he was still in shock that that had just happened. “I didn’t think that would actually work, I was so mad I didn’t even think to mention it--fuck! Fuck, this is amazing, I can’t believe it.”

Without meaning to, he wrapped his arm around Connor as the two neared the classroom, tugging him into a side hug before pulling away. They stopped at the door, about to go in. Markus, his laughter having quieted down to a low chuckle, reached for the door, but like in the office found that Connor had gone still from behind him. Completely rigid, and completely tense. 

It’d taken Markus a minute to notice, and it was just now occurring to him that he’d just grabbed him twice. He always seemed to flinch whenever people touched him, but--he hadn’t those times, had he? He didn’t think so--

“Connor, hey.”  His chuckling dispersed, smile somewhat dropping. “You okay? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

“No.” He didn’t completely untense, nor did his smile entirely come back, but he wasn’t ducking his head. “No, I just...I can’t believe I did that either...I’ve never…done anything like that before, ever. I don’t know, I--I guess…”

He snorted.

“I guess it felt good.” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” 

The hallway was completely empty, aside from the two of them. No one to stare, no one to whisper. Even if they would be soon enough.

Had Markus decided if he didn’t care yet? 

Maybe.

Regardless, it didn’t matter. They’d done a good thing today, and Connor...that was another new side of him. Another side Markus had never seen, and found himself strangely impressed by. Just as he remembered now, that he had flinched when he’d hugged him, but not as much as before.

Things were beginning to change, more than he’d thought they would a week ago when he’d started this effort. And with any luck, they were gonna keep changing.

Fingers crossed.

After neither of them had exchanged a word for another minute, Markus stepped aside and pulled the classroom door open, letting Connor slip inside. It was now that he ducked his head though, curls falling in front of his eyes as he passed him by, and obscured his face from him.

Chapter Text

“So, I received a phone call from Principal Fowler this afternoon…”

Markus stopped mid-bite of his food, its once flavorful taste souring in his mouth. 

Well, that’s certainly not what he was expecting or hoping to hear tonight, not after how the day had gone. He liked to think he and Connor’s conversation with the principal had ended fairly decently, especially with the promise of getting to actually run on the prom court together.

He couldn’t have decided already, he would’ve called Markus directly to let him know, wouldn’t he? And his mother had never called for him at all for the entire afternoon, not until she’d come up to let him know dinner was ready. Thinking back to seeing her then, she hadn’t seemed... cross, had she?

Not particularly, at least not with him. 

He’d not known Principal Fowler had called until now, until she’d brought it up as the family was gathered around the table. It was a rare night on which they all ate together—his father currently had no clients to meet with and Leo had stopped taking his food up to his room to eat, something he’d been doing ever since getting in trouble for the showers debacle. Not that he seemed eager to engage in any conversation with his family members, however at the very mention of their school principal his head had shot up from his plate, fork immediately dropping.

“Whatever he said, it’s not true. I didn’t do it.” So quick to his own defense as he usually was, a scowl crossing over his face. “I was with Gavin all afternoon, he’ll vouch for me.”

“Oh, and I suppose his word is as good as anyone’s?” Audra lifted her glass, taking a quick sip from it. “Remind me to call his parents later, then. I’m sure they’ll have a few things to say themselves.”

“No, they won’t, because we didn’t do anything --”

“This time. You didn’t do anything this time.” She corrected, taking another sip. “Surprisingly honey, not every phone call from the school concerns you. Much as I keep expecting them to.”

Leo only grumbled in response, slouching back down in his seat and resumed picking at his food. Markus thought he’d heard him mutter something under his breath, it was hard not to since they sat right next to each other. Whatever it was, Audra hadn’t seemed to pick up on it, sending a knowing glance Markus’ way—a glance which caught his attention, before travelling towards his father, who was in the midst of cutting his porkchop in half.

“Apparently Markus dropped by his office earlier, and Connor Stern was with him.” The porkchop severing came to a halt, as Carl met his wife’s knowing look with one of gentle surprise. Markus felt his throat going dry, resisting to gulp down his water in one go and instead reach for the gravy boat next to his plate.

Fuck, he was in trouble. 

He had to be, Principal Fowler had probably told them he’d speak to the school just so they’d leave his office—he’d never planned on doing so at all, and had probably called Connor’s mother already too. 

Meaning she was likely having this same conversation with him right now too, only in louder degrees. Not that he’d know as he’d never actually spent that much time near Ms. Stern per his parents’ requests, but if word of mouth was true, then poor Connor probably wouldn’t be in the best mood tomorrow.

“What? Why was he at his office?” Carl turned to Markus, who looked up from pouring gravy onto his potatoes. The gentle surprise hadn’t left him yet, but there was also a curious, concerned sheen in his eyes. “Markus, did something happen?”

“I—um--”  

“Yeah, Markus. Did something happen?” Leo piped up, leaning forward in his seat as he cocked his head Markus’ way.  “What was it, Fowler finally tire of your Mr. Perfect act and called you out for it?”

“Hey, come on, you don’t get in trouble for being a decent person--” Markus bit back a hiss as a bit of gravy spilled from the boat onto his hand, moving to set it back down. “Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what? Pissed because everyone acts like you’re the only goddamn Manfred in the entire school?” Despite a loud clearing of throats from both their parents, Leo kept on, bitterly snickering as he tore at a piece of meat that he didn’t even bother to pick up with his fork. “Oh right, you’re not. Hell, you’re not even a real Manfred except by name, and that’s the only reason people like you! I bet if you were still Markus Jackson nobody would notice you exist.”

Another spill of gravy fell, staining the tablecloth. The boat wobbled in Markus’ hand, as he practically dropped it to the table.

“Leo, enough. Leave Markus alone.” There was that tone, that not all familiar angry tone Markus rarely heard from his father. Not loud, not shaking the room, but to silence nearly everyone in the room. His mother looked tense, probably would’ve snapped herself if Carl had said nothing. “This conversation didn’t concern you in the first place, no need to insert yourself in it now. If you can’t be bothered to behave yourself, then I’d suggest you go ahead and leave.”

That was enough to make Leo back down, despite his looking like he wanted to say more. His lips pouted together, but nothing came from them. Not in the next minute that passed. Only when they’d deemed it safe to speak again did anyone try to speak again, starting with Carl, who repeated the same question he’d asked before. What had happened, and why was Markus in Principal Fowler’s office that afternoon? It’d taken him another minute to answer, as he wiped the gravy from his hand with his napkin, letting it crumple it back into his lap. 

“It was nothing, not this time.” He picked up his fork, scooping up a forkful of potatoes. “Connor and I were just trying to sign up for prom court together, then we found out we couldn’t so we went to talk to Fowler about it. I don’t know why he would’ve called about that unless--”

Markus was about to take a bite from his forkful, stopping halfway.

“Wait, he wasn’t upset was he? Did he sound upset?”

“No, not at all. In fact, I’d say he sounded more impressed than anything.” Audra picked up a water pitcher, pouring what little amount was left into her glass.  “He said you were so determined to run on the prom court with Connor that you wouldn’t leave until you got permission.”

“Wait, what? Who’s he trying to run on the prom court with--” Leo started, suddenly perking back up--and clearly having learned nothing since the last time he was told off. He was quickly interrupted as Markus spoke over him.

“I wouldn’t say it was exactly like that--”

“Then how did it go?” Carl asked, brow risen in curiosity. “Because from what your mother’s saying, your words impressed him much more than your science fair volcano did—which by the way, I still think deserved first place if you ask me. But we’re not going to bring that up right now—right now, I’d like to know what exactly happened.”

“Well...like I said, it was nothing. Except, I was going to leave, when Fowler told us to.” Markus moved to take another forkful from his plate. “ I didn’t want to get Connor or myself in trouble so...I was going to rethink what to say, come back later. But then…”

He thought back to Connor, smiling somewhat as he recalled he’d abruptly turned, had gone right back to Fowler’s desk. How, despite his nervousness and the way his fingers had been flexing so, had spoken and not stopped until he’d seen fit.

He wasn’t likely to forget that moment.

“Connor... um, he was actually the more determined one.” Biting off the piece of food he’d cut, he chewed, swallowed before continuing.  “He said it wouldn’t make sense for me to run with anyone else, and that the school would break tradition if it didn’t let him on the court with me.”

“ Connor said all that?” Leo scoffed, kicking at something underneath the table, maybe nothing. Probably the table leg provided that it was the only thing within his vicinity. “Yeah right, and I’m the king of England. Bow down, bitches.”

“Leo, shush.” Their mother hushed him, finishing off the last of her drink. He scowled, kicked at the table leg again.

“It all happened, I swear. I ended up not having to say much else after that, except agree with him.” Markus picked up his napkin, brushing off any residual crumbs or gravy droplets from his mouth. “I know, I probably shouldn’t have. You’re always telling me not to use the ‘we’re rich and important’ card so much but--”

“But it was the right thing to do in this case.” 

He folded his napkin, placing it back on his plate as he looked up in surprise at his father’s interjection. 

“It...it was?”

 “Oh, absolutely. Markus, believe me,” Carl handed off his empty plate to Audra as she stood up, beginning to gather all the dirty dishes from the table. “I’m not much of a fan of that card myself, but sometimes there are situations in life that are gonna require you to use it.  This sounds like it was one of them.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” He handed his own plate off to Audra, alongside the gravy dish and a half-empty plate of dinner rolls. “I mean, that’s a good point, actually. But I wasn’t even the one to use it, Connor was. And I never would’ve expected that from him in a million years--wait, let me get that--”

He reached for another dish, this one full of potatoes, and also handed that to his mother.

“--there you go. Anyways, I don’t know, it’s weird--now that I think about it, he’s been doing a lot of things I never would’ve expected from him in the past.” He tilted his head back, pressed his lips together.  “Like, he’s talking a lot more now, smiling, and--and he doesn’t really duck his head all that much. Only sometimes.”

Pressed lips spreading into a slow smile, he shrugged. 

 “It’s...endearing, I think. Kinda like he’s becoming his own person, after everything else he’s gone through.”

“And so the robot grew a heart and learned to love, whoop de fucking do.” Leo snickered beside him, leaning forward against the table as he dryly clapped. “Very charming, story. Very sweet, I almost cried.”

A forming glare quickly took the place of his smile, as Markus looked his brother’s way. 

He shouldn’t reply to that, he knew he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t. Should leave it to his parents, like he’d been doing all night.  And he was going to, was content to, until he’d made his next remark, intercutting with Carl who’d begun once more to scold him.

“Leo--”

“No, no. Don’t do that, do ‘Leo’ me again, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all this shit.” Kicking his seat back, Leo jumped up to his feet. “I’m sorry, but this is complete ass--I mean, Markus, running on the prom court with Stiff Neck Stern of all people! How are you fine with this, with any of this! He’s embarrassing our family--”

“Me? I’m the embarrassment?” That was it. That’s what made Markus break his silence, although he wasn’t as quick to jump to his feet. “You’re one to talk, skipping classes to go hang out with Gavin. You don’t get to talk shit about me all because I decided to be nice to Connor.”

“Be nice to him?! You’re taking him to the goddamn prom, I think you’ve passed that point already! Shit, like you might as well take him to a cheap hotel afterwards and fuck him--”

“What the hell, no! He’s just my friend, it has nothing to do with--”

“Boys!” 

They both went quiet, immediately. Their father looked between the two of them, tense and sharply, as their mother stepped out from the kitchen, surprisingly not having been the one to snap at them this time. In fact, she looked every bit as alarmed as they did over the tone of Carl’s voice.

This was proof. Solid, hard proof that it took a lot for Carl Manfred to snap, and they’d just succeeded in showing it.

“Please. Enough of that.” He didn’t sound as loud or tense now, thankfully, but there were still traces leftover in his tone as he spoke. “Now, I’d ask you to apologize to each other, but something tells me that neither of you are exactly sorry, so I’ll let you work up to it. In the meantime, however, this discussion is closed, are we understood?”

Markus solemnly nodded, cheeks burning hot. That was definitely mortification he was feeling right about now, and it was well deserved. Now he remembered why he usually left this stuff to his parents. Say if it were a classmate and there were no adults around to intervene then it usually tended to end only slightly better, but it usually never came with such crushing shame.

And that was only because he’d never been scolded by his father. Not at school.

Leo on the other hand, didn’t seem half as bothered and only groaned, practically throwing his chair back into its place as he spun on his heel and stormed out of the room, the uneasy energy slowly fading out alongside his angry footsteps. No one, not Markus nor his parents, said a single word until about a minute or two had passed, then Audra awkwardly cleared her throat.

“I’ll just...get back to the dishes…” She excused herself, turning back towards the kitchen. “Markus, come help me?”

“Huh? Oh...yes ma’am.” He began to follow her, and was about halfway when his father grabbed him by the arm. 

“Wait a minute, hang on.” It wasn’t a rough grab, but a calm, subdued tug, which he released as soon as Markus approached him. “There’s a couple of more things I’ve gotta say, something I wanted to tell you before...well, all of that.”

“I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t--”

“I know, I know you are.” Carl sighed, hands steepling together. “And I’m sorry for Leo’s sake, pigs will be flying the day he decides to apologize to anyone…no, I’m afraid he’s far too stubborn. Get that from me, I suppose.”

Huffing, he shook his head.

“Even so, nothing he’s ever said or done has been an embarrassment for me. For any of us, and neither is anything you’re doing or about to do.” The sound of water running came from the other room, coupled with muffled sounds of loud music blaring from what was no doubt Leo’s room upstairs. “I’m glad you’re taking Connor to prom, Markus--or really, I’m just glad you took my advice to heart, about showing him a kind hand. Nothing about that embarrasses me, in fact...”

His aggravation transitioned to thoughtfulness, as he glanced up at his son.

“My only concern is whether or not you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

Huh. Was that meant to be a statement, or a question that’d been worded differently than normal? Somehow, knowing his father it was more than likely the latter, and Markus didn’t know how to answer it. It shouldn’t be that difficult to answer all things considered, he’d felt poorly for how he hadn’t done anything in the past and had decided to do something about it now. That was that, and there was no more to it.

Or was there?

Now he was beginning to think otherwise, since this might technically be the first time he’d been bothered to do so. It’d all seemed so straightforward when he started out in this whole “be nice to Connor” thing, and he’d been so certain he was doing to help...but then, was that really it? It had to be, he couldn’t think of what else it might be unless he was only doing it to ease his own conscience.

Oh. Wait.

No, that wasn’t it. Couldn’t be. 

But it might be. There was a good possibility that it might be, and suddenly Markus could understand Carl’s reason for questioning him. Sure he’d felt guilty, had felt sorry that he’d never helped Connor before or tried to be his friend, but that couldn’t mean he was only doing it for himself...or he had been, and just didn’t realize it until now, had been doing it...unconsciously maybe, but not willingly.

Definitely not willingly.

He’d find out soon enough, one way or another. More and more people were becoming aware of the fact that Connor was running on the court with him, he’d just have to hold out and see how his conscience felt by prom night.

Only, it didn’t seem like his father was going to be waiting until then for his answer. He seemed to be wanting it now, waiting expectantly for these past few minutes that Markus had been stalling, possible answers swirling about and tangling in his mind. None of them felt right, but then none of them felt wrong, so he’d just have to pick one out of the invisible hat in front of him and roll with it.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He didn’t think he sounded convincing, but Carl hadn’t raised an eyebrow at him yet. “Of course I am, I promise. I wouldn’t think of doing otherwise.”

“Good, I’d hope you wouldn’t.” Still no sign of a raised eyebrow, or any other facial movements that would indicate he was doubtful. “Connor’s placing his trust in you, Markus. The last thing you want to do is get his hopes up for no good reason, or you’ll be right back where you started.”

“I’m not trying to. Get his hopes up, I mean.” 

It was true, he wasn’t. That answer was the only one he could give for certain, and was equally as believed, met with a slow nod from Carl. 

“Alright. I guess that’s it, then. Well, I guess you shouldn’t keep your mother waiting much longer. Better go before she comes looking for you.”

He unwound his hands, placing them on the wheels of his chair. About to leave, signalling the end of this conversation, though that didn’t necessarily mean that Markus wouldn’t be thinking about it later. 

Because he would be, in great amounts...god, curse his brain and its tendency to dwell on things for ungodly hours.

Sometimes it was needed, though. Especially after conversations like this. 

As Carl wheeled himself out of the dining room and into the hall, Markus did as he’d been told and headed into the kitchen, assuming a position at the other end of the sink while he waited for his mother to finish rinsing off a dinner platter.

Upstairs, the music from Leo’s room was no quieter than it had been before, not going silent until much later that evening. 

Gavin pushed the doors open to the school gymnasium, striding in as Leo hopped from the bleachers to join him.

The amount of props and murals amassing there seemed to have quadrupled in the days following their creations.  A dozen paper mache stars became two dozen, painted and drying on a widespread sheet of newspapers while several students worked on finishing the oversized tinfoil moon. Anyone who wasn’t working on that was gathered in the center of the room, busily coloring in a chalk sketch of a night sky, complete with wispy clouds, falling stars and the like.

It was shaping up to be a beautiful prom. Up until now, it’d been the main topic of conversation around the school, like what was gonna be on the snack menu, if there was gonna be a live band this year or not, rumors of who was going to be running on the prom court...rumors that’d spiraled out of control since Connor and Markus’ visit with Principal Fowler.

It wasn’t like people hadn’t been whispering about it already, provided that pretty much everyone had seen Markus’ first attempt at a prom invite in the cafeteria earlier that week--everyone except Gavin, that was as he’d decided to skip school that day. Naturally he hadn’t believed any of his friends when they tried telling him, but with word growing more prevalent and no words of denial coming from any of the involved parties, it was getting harder to ignore.

And then there was the whole Fowler thing. As Leo had gotten to hear about it firsthand at his family’s dinner table a couple nights back, he’d wasted no time in texting Gavin about it, relaying what parts of the conversation he could remember while they were still fresh in his mind.

Even then, that hadn’t seem to be enough to officially convince him, though he was close to that point. That was why he was here in the gym today, and walking straight towards the sign ups table, where Chloe was not currently seated. Leo had been watching over it for a good half hour, alerting Gavin just as soon as she’d gotten up to go to the bathroom. And with everyone else otherwise occupied, it seemed like a good time as any to garner the confirmation he wanted.

The confirmation that Markus was indeed running on court with Connor. 

Because once he knew that, he could move forward with his plan--a not quite finished but slowly forming plan, that he would’ve carried out regardless as to who was running really, as far as he was concerned the entire school could go eat dicks for what they’d done to him. He’d been somebody at one point, somebody who everyone feared, who everyone would bend over backwards for, do whatever he’d wanted them to do.

But now? 

Now he was a laughingstock, and it was that goddamn freak’s fault.

Thanks to him and his little shower boner he was out of the prom, he’d gotten yelled at by fucking Mr. Anderson of all people and on top of that, his old man couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it except beat his ass. Wouldn’t even listen to him for a second, not caring to hear how unfair this was, how unjust this was that he was being punished for harmlessly joking around. 

He’d been serious when he said they had to take care of this themselves. And he had every intention of doing so, because Gavin Reed did not forgive and forget. He didn’t turn the other cheek, he never let things go or walked away when the moment called for it. 

No, he got even. He always got even one way or another, and he wasn’t about to stop now.

“Let’s make this quick, I don’t know how long she’s gonna be.” Leo hissed under his breath, as he and Gavin approached the sign ups table. “I’m not gonna get sent to the principal’s office over this--”

“We won’t, quit bitching.” He surveyed the contents of the table, quickly spotting what it was he was looking for. A sheet of paper, torn out from a notebook with names scrawled from top to bottom. “Just keep an eye out and your mouth shut, I’m pretty sure this won’t take long…”

“Well I don’t see why you couldn’t just take my word for it, I was there. I heard Markus say so himself--”

“Hey, what’d I say?” Gavin glared daggers back at Leo, who immediately shut up. Head dropping, he turned around and shoved both hands into his hoodie, grinding a stray piece of tinfoil into the ground with the tip of his sneaker while Gavin turned his attention back to the paper. 

Though it didn’t take long for him to spot what he was looking for. Markus’ name, printed neatly at the top of the page, followed by Connor’s underneath it. 

“No way…” Laughter crept up in his throat and he clapped a hand over his mouth, careful not to draw any attention his way. “Son of a bitch, I don’t believe it.”

There it was. That’s what he wanted to see, that’s all he’d needed to see. 

And just in time too, since Chloe was coming back into the gym. A grunt from Leo alerted him and he dropped the paper, the two of them rushing away before they were spotted. No one else in the room had seemed to notice or care that they were there, meaning their chances of being squealed on were slim to nothing.

“I can’t believe this, this is too perfect. This is way too fucking perfect,” The doors swung shut behind them as they ran into the hall, stopping beside a set of lockers. “Okay, here’s how it's gonna go--you’re gonna find the others, tell ‘em to be at the old mill road by seven o’clock tonight. We’ve gotta get a battle plan laid out.”

“Plan? What, I thought we had one already--”

“Yeah, an unfinished one. Tonight’s all about finalization.” Gavin clapped Leo on the back, giving him a rough shove that nearly sent him toppling into one of the lockers. “Trust me okay, I have a good idea of what we’re gonna do, and it’s going to be great. Don’t worry about it for now though, just go do what I asked.”

Another shove sent Leo closer to the locker adjacent to the one he’d previously fallen into, but he didn’t protest it, or what Gavin had asked of him. It was a stupid thing to ask when he was quite literally capable of just telling Tina and Michael himself, but there was no way he was going to do it. No damn way, not when he’d never bothered to do these things on his own, let it be a homework assignment or something as simple as telling something to someone.

Pointless to argue against it, pointless to question. All Leo could was shrug, nod, and walk off to do as he was told. 

Just as he always did. 

He was easy to influence, easy to press into and control, and that’s how Gavin liked it. How he liked his friends, his acquaintances. Tina might be the exception, considering their families had known each other since the two were both in kindergarten, thus sealing them into hanging out whether they wanted to or not. Michael and Leo on the other hand, were totally moldable and absolute pushovers. He had dirt on them, things he knew and could therefore exploit should the need to arise.

Which it never had, not yet. And if they wanted it to stay that way, then they were gonna help him carry out this plan, because God knows he was not gonna be able to do it on his own.

Although, it wouldn’t exactly stop him should that be the case. The prospect of getting back at the school was enticing enough on its own, but to wreak havoc on both the class doormat and one of the most popular people in school was just too good, too wonderful for him to pass up. Markus had had this sort of thing coming for a long time, he couldn’t keep up that Mr. Perfect act forever. 

And Connor? 

Connor was ripe, he was the perfect candidate for an act such as this. It would serve him right, thinking he could suddenly hang out with the cool crowd and everyone would be fine with it. He had to be reminded of his place, he had to be put back in it. 

It’s what needed to be done, and Gavin was going to ensure that it was.

When Leo was out of sight, he turned to leave himself, headed down to his locker. He’d just begun to fumble with the lock when from across the hall, the library door opened. And as if the universe was possibly reading his mind, he glanced around at it to see Connor stepping out, trying to situate a heavy looking book back into his bag.

He looked up as soon as he’d finished, eyes almost immediately locking with Gavin’s as he did so, face blanking, body going still.

Absolutely still.

Connor couldn’t say he’d seen many westerns, only the ones he’d seen on movie days in class. Even then, he didn’t recall much about them, save one thing.

The showdowns.

There was always a showdown towards the end of the film. That moment where the lead and the villain would stare each other down, enveloped in terrible dread and anticipation before drawing their guns, ending with the inevitable death of one or the other. 

That’s what this felt like. Seeing Gavin now, looking at him from where he stood. They hadn’t seen much of each other in almost an entire week, not since it’d happened, and Connor had been quite content to keep it as such. He’d been careful to avoid him, any of his friends if he could help it, something that was surprisingly easy considering how often some of them weren’t in school.

He was here today though, for some reason. Maybe his parents had finally caught onto his ditching and forced him to go, that was the only possible explanation. They were probably intent on him graduating, not failing any of his classes so he wouldn’t make them look bad. 

(like he hasn’t already)

The air around him felt like it was closing in, and he could feel his throat tightening up, his fingers grasping at his bag like it was his life support. Gavin didn’t move from his locker, didn’t say a word, only kept staring back at Connor with an absurdly smug expression on his face. Like he was daring him to move, daring him to be the one to act first.

He was.

He was the one to act first, sucking in a sharp breath, looking away and walking over to his own locker. Gavin’s eyes remained on him the whole time, he didn’t have to look to figure that out and he didn’t care either. He could go away, get his own things and leave, he should if he knew any better.

But that was asking too much of him. It was asking far too much of him, when it was evident that he was going to end up doing the exact opposite.

Regardless, Connor focused on trying to get his locker open and retrieving the rest of his books. A task not so easily completed when he felt the opposing gaze practically drilling into him, it was nearly unbearable. Even with his back turned he could see, could sense the way Gavin was watching him. It was quite vivid in fact, so much so that it caused him to drop his Math book in the process of slipping into his bag.

He gasped, knelt to reach for it only to find Gavin suddenly at the other end. Wilting back, he watched as he picked the book up, turning it over in his hands. He let out a low hum, cocking his head to the side.

“What do we have here…” Opening it, he flipped through several pages, before sneering and snapping it shut. “Letters with numbers? Yeah nevermind, I’m not gonna pretend I understand any of that, here.”

He held the book Connor’s way, though he didn’t take it back. He stared at it, at him with apprehension. Uncertainty. 

“Well? You gonna take it back or not?” Gavin shoved it further towards him, snorting. “I’m not gonna drop it, okay. Or bite for that matter, I’m actually feeling quite nice today.”

(somehow i doubt that)

Regardless of if he was feeling nice or not, he surprisingly stuck to his word of not dropping the book as Connor hesitantly took it back, placing it with the others. With intent to leave, he turned from Gavin, shrugged his bag up his shoulders. 

“Hey wait, don’t I even get a thank you?” A rough grip encircled his arm and he grimaced, keeping quiet as Gavin pulled him back. “Seriously, I decide to try and be decent towards you for once in my life and you’re not the least bit grateful? You can’t possibly still be sore at me over what happened in the showers, can you, I’d thought you’d have mellowed out by now or something.”

No reply. No word from Connor, who kept his head turned away towards the exit. 

“Really, it was a whole week ago.” Gavin kept on, his hold on him remaining, worsening as if he were paranoid of him bolting off the minute he let him go. “And Christ, after your overreaction I’m shocked you didn’t just take the whole semester off to recover. I know I would have.”

“Is there something you wanted, Gavin?” Connor spat out his words without meaning to, had meant to go on with his silence in hopes of finally being let go, but it didn’t look like he was gonna be given that option anytime soon. “Because if you don’t, I have to go. I’ve got things to do--”

“Don’t give a shit if I’m being honest.” (wow and you said you were being nice, what happened to that) “And actually yeah, now that you mention it, there is something I wanted--”

A razor-sharp snap shot through Connor’s arm as Gavin twisted it around, pushing him into his now closed locker.

“Something I wanted to make very clear to you.” His breath was close, hot and stinking of cigarette smoke as he spoke. “I know you might think you’re all that since you’re hanging out with Markus now, but the truth is, you’re not. You never will be, the only reason you’re going to prom with him in the first place is because he pities you. It doesn’t mean he really likes you or anything.”

“That’s not true, he doesn’t--” Connor gasped, wincing from the pain in his arm. “You don’t know that. You can’t.”

“Oh please.” A low laugh, mocking almost, and Connor winced even further. Of all the times for the hall to be empty, not that anyone would have cared or done something about his predicament. “It’s obvious, why else would he do something as drastic as asking you to prom? If he’d just said he was sorry, that’d be one thing...but from what I’ve heard, well, it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened.”

He didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to listen. Wanted more than anything to clap his hands over his ears, but couldn’t. 

That wasn’t true. None of that was true, Markus didn’t pity him. Markus liked him, his friends liked him. They wouldn’t have wanted him to hang out with them today if that were the case...no. 

No, they wouldn’t have. And that’s not what’d happened, had been happening. It just couldn’t be. 

“You gotta face up to the facts Stern,” (fuck you fuck you fuck you) “And the facts are this, you’re a charity case, plain and simple.”

He huffed and let him go, Connor’s arm tingling at the sudden blood flow allowed back into it. Biting his tongue, he refrained from saying anything, knew that the words that came out would not help any. 

Quickly regathering his bag, he made a dash towards the exit, going as fast as his feet could carry him, not looking back to give Gavin the satisfaction of seeing the anger on his face, the frustration in his eyes. Both of these things combined stirred together in his heart and mind, a dangerous combination. 

A terrible combination, one that was only slightly calmed by the water fountain falling apart as he passed it by, and the reflection of Gavin’s alarm casted on the door’s glass panes.

(too bad you weren’t next to it huh)