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“Now, it’s Alex’s birthday, we’ve got to celebrate with something extra exciting tonight,” Will exclaimed to George and Alex early on that night.
“Mate, seriously, I’d really just rather we drink,” Alex said, leaning back into the sofa already with a bottle in his hand.
“I think Will’s right,” George smirked, “We should play a game.”
Alex groaned, “It’s my birthday, don’t I get a say in it?”
“Not really, ” said Will smiling devilishly.
Alex leaned back further into the sofa, he wasn’t drunk enough for one of their games, especially on his birthday.
Moments later there was a knock at the door, Fraser and James walked in talking rapidly about something, but stopped when they saw Alex.
“Happy birthday, Mate! … Wait, I think that’s a bald spot, do you see that Fraser?” James said, pulling that idiotic grin he always did.
“Fuck off!” Alex whined, “You look old enough to be my dad, don’t even.” He waited for James’ reaction with a smirk.
James just laughed.
Alex groaned as the older man came to sit next to him, throwing his arm around the back of the couch behind Alex like it was nothing. It was nothing.
Alex looked away from James and at Fraser, “Will and George wanna play a game.”
“Fuck's sake, can’t we just drink?” Fraser moaned. “No offence, but your games are terrible.”
“That’s what I-” Alex starts, and Will interrupts him.
“Nah, it’s Alex’s birthday, me ‘n George were thinking truth or dare.” Will flashed an evil smile.
“What are we, 12-year-old girls I’m not-” Alex started, but was interrupted again, now by James.
“-I think it’ll be fun, I’m in.” He smiled wickedly at Alex. Of course he wanted to play.
Will smiled wider, “Three against two, yous have to play now.”
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The game went around a few times, they mostly asked dumb, immature questions, but as they grew drunker, their questions became more forward.
“James, Mate, Truth or Dare?” Will asked.
“Truth,” James smirked, “You’ve got nothing on me.”
“Shag, Marry, Kill: Fraser, Alex, and George.” Will barked out without hesitation and a huge smirk.
Fraser cut in, slurring slightly, “You lot are actual children, what the hell.”
“Fuck off, let ‘im think,” George said, the drink in his hand spilt slightly over the side of the sofa arm when he chuckled.
Alex sighed, weirdly anxious for what James’ answer would be, though he had loosened up after a few drinks he wasn’t nearly quite as drunk as he’d hoped he’d be. Alex looked sideways at James, their eyes met, James must've been looking at him. Alex’s face tinted pink slightly before he turned his head away, James gave a toothy smirk and even went as far to put his arm back around Alex’s shoulders.
“Right, this is easy. Shag George, Marry Alex, and Kill Fraser.” James said looking satisfied with himself, he quickly glanced at Alex again, almost as if he wanted to see the younger boys reaction.
“Are you gonna give us reasons?” Will laughed loudly.
“Yeah, please elaborate.” Fraser huffed and George nodded.
James smirked, “Well, I said I’d fuck George ‘cause he’d probably be a good shag, nothing more than that though.” James looked over at George who had red cheeks from being intoxicated, he barely seemed to be bothered, if not proud, by James’ comment, so he continued, “said I’d kill Fraser ‘cause I couldn’t imagine marrying or fucking him, no offence Fraser.”
“Honestly no offence taken, mate,” Fraser said, he seemed slightly relieved.
“What about Alex?” Will added, his lips twitched upwards as if he knew something the two of them didn’t.
Alex could’ve sworn he’d just seen a hint of pink dance across James’ cheeks and slight hesitation before speaking, he couldn’t help but think it was a good look on him. “Well, when you’re married you can shag as much as you want, can’t you?” James smirked, looking down at Alex who was pressed at his side.
Alex laughed loudly, then once more to hide the strange hotness that was overtaking his face. It was quick but noticeable, and it scared the shit out of him.
Will seemed satisfied and asked the next question to Fraser, it continued on, getting slightly more personal, but no one cared.
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“Alex, Truth or Dare?” George slurred thickly after many more turns.
Alex was a bit more than tipsy now, he hadn’t drunk as much as anticipated, and neither had James. This was odd though because normally James was the one who would drink the most, but tonight it seemed as if he was holding back.
Though he still answered with a strong “Dare,” as he wasn’t fully sober.
George thought for a moment before giggling into his hand, he leaned the back of his elbows against the armrest of the sofa, his feet close to where James and Alex were, he looked up at them through thick lashes, before making a “tsk” sound with his tongue and speaking, “I dare you to snog James.” They all seemed to have something against him and James that night.
Alex’s breath hitched, he wasn’t going to make out with James, that would be ridiculous. He expressed this aloud.
“You agreed to play Al, this is what ya get,” Will said, his head in Fraser's lap on the opposite sofa, he threw a beer bottle back and downed it.
“Actually I didn’t-” Alex starts, but James interrupted with thrumming his fingers on Alex’s shoulder lightly.
“Alex, It doesn’t matter, come on, you won’t remember anyway.” James sighed, he almost seemed upset, but Alex wasn’t sure why.
“No, James, I’m not that drunk-” Alex tried to say but was cut off by a pair of lips crashing into his own, he was startled for a few seconds but conclusively gave in, hands moving up to cup James’ face. James’ lips were so welcoming and warm, he quickly became completely intoxicated, yet fully sober, ignoring their current situation. Alex was utterly drowning.
Will coughed loudly and Alex pulled away, his face a dark shade of pink. George snickered.
“Alright…” Fraser said with a deep blushed face, “Erm, who's next then?”
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The next time something remotely suggestive happened was the day after. They were filming a We Watch, it was about an overly affectionate, cringe couple. James kept making jokes and putting his hands all over Alex, peruse.
“We could act it out” James smirks, looking for Alex’s reaction. “Just like we did in the previous episodes.”
Alex knew he was doing it just to rile up the fans, but he couldn’t help getting flustered with the previous night still fresh in his mind. “No, James… not with this- uh… video.”
James looked slightly surprised, “Alright mate,” He smirked questionably, “No need to get flustered, we won’t.”
The next scene was basically a porn clip, where the couple was being far too open for a youtube video.
Alex made some snide remark on how it was insane that THIS video hadn’t been demonized when it had actual porn, and his whole channel basically earned no revenue.
James nodded absently and looked over at Alex as the next clip played. “You sure you don’t wanna act it out?” He smirked, probably trying to get Alex to go red again.
He was successful, “Fuck off James.”
The video ended not long after and Alex was quick to get up, he knew that if he didn’t leave now James would be asking questions.
It was too late, as Alex stood up from his chair James grabbed his wrist. “Alex? What the hell was that? You’re supposed to play along, that’s how these videos go.” He said, trying to sound annoyed but Alex knew he didn’t mean it.
“I… I’m just not feeling up to it.” Alex sighed, It was the truth.
“Alex, seriously, is it because of what happened last night?” James said, forcing himself and Alex to sit down.
“No, James, I just don’t feel up to it. Have got a proper hangover, my head is killing me mate, we can re-film tomorrow and I promise I’ll act gayer. Fucking hell.” Alex snapped, standing back up and leaving the room.
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They did re-film, and Alex did act more normal. He decided it was best to push down any feelings he had gotten that night, and when they resurfaced he would just shove them down harder, coating them with alcohol and fit blokes. This cycle went on for quite a while until Alex had basically forgotten his feelings... That wasn’t true, they just got harder to suppress and he just buried them deeper… It wasn’t a big deal and he had made it into one, with every glance and accidental touch, Alex needed more, and no amount of shagging could take that away.
“Alex?” James asked late one night at a club. It was just the two of them sitting on some chairs against a wall in the corner of the room.
“Yeah?” Alex slurred slightly, he had sweat dripping from his forehead from the humidity of the room, it was small, hot, and really fucking loud.
“How…” James trailed off, looking at the drink in his hands, the music seemed to get quieter. “How did you know you were into blokes?”
Alex’s mind went blank, he gulped and felt himself go cold. It was as if all his body heat had built up in his stomach, he looked around for any sign of Will or George but neither was anywhere to be seen.
“Alex…?” James said again, his voice drunk and rough.
“I… I dunno James…” Alex breathed, he tried to delay his response as long as possible.
“I kinda just fancied a bloke at my school and… and I realized I could potentially fancy other blokes.” Alex stuttered out, taking another sip of his drink. “Why… Why do you ask?”
James laughed drunkenly, “I think I might be into guys,” He smiled.
“James, you’re drunk, we should get back,” Alex said, trying not to think too deeply about this, he didn’t need this, he couldn’t take this. He always thought that the reason James and him couldn’t be together was because of sexuality, and now he knows it’s just because he isn’t good enough, that James just doesn’t fancy him.
“I… I just get jealous Alex…” James trailed off, looking up at Alex curiously.
“James, mate, please. I think Will and George have already gone home, I’m tired.” Alex desperately tried, he needed James to shut up.
“I get… jealous when I see… when I see you with another bloke… I… I-” James stuttered drunkenly, his cheeks growing redder from being embarrassed and drunk, mostly the latter.
Alex swallowed hard. “James, seriously, shut the fuck up. You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning.”
“No ‘m not…” James coughed, but he finally agreed to stand and walk towards the door leaning against Alex.
When they got outside Alex hailed a cab, pulling pissed James Marriott in behind him. James leant against Alex for the whole ride, making Alex feel more and more afflicted.
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It was around noon when Alex woke up, he barely remembered getting into his own bed last night, he headed downstairs expecting to see James passed out on the couch but the elder was nowhere to be seen. Alex sighed, James was probably embarrassed about what he had said the previous night, which is why he had left so early.
Alex went into the kitchen to pour himself some cereal but was interrupted by a text buzz in his pocket.
James: idk if you’re awake yet but I really need to talk with you
Alex paused. What did James want to talk about? It most likely had something to do with the night before, but what? Alex's stomach twisted at the different responses James could have.
Alex: ok. you want to come back over?
Alex almost got an immediate response.
James: yeah. i shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, i’ll come by tonight x
Now Alex had a few hours to himself, to think. He thought about what James might say to him, he thought about what James had said last night.
“I get jealous when I see you with another bloke…” His voice echoed inside Alex’s mind. He gets jealous? Did he really get jealous, or was that the alcohol talking? Alex hoped it wasn’t the alcohol, but knew, in reality, it probably was, that James was probably coming over to tell him how incredibly straight he is, how he’d never, ever, be into Alex. Alex’s mind continued to race and soon panic rushed through him again with a completely different thought, he remembered his thoughts from the previous night… What if James WAS actually into blokes, but just not into him? Alex needed an excuse, no matter how selfish it was, for James not liking him, he needed an excuse other than just not being good enough.
Alex decided to put these thoughts at rest. He rang Will asking to play FIFA until James inevitably showed up.
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There was a light knock at the door a few hours later, Alex quickly said goodbye to Will and rushed to open the door.
“Hey,” James said smiling as Alex held the door for him to walk in.
“Hi,” Alex said back, his heart rate started going up once again.
“I brought us some takeout, thought we could watch a film or something,” James said, putting the bags on the kitchen counter.
“Yeah, sounds good.” Alex breathed, was James not gonna mention it?
They both grabbed plates of takeout food and sat on the couch, a bit too far apart than Alex was used to, it scared him.
“I… I feel like I should address what we’re both thinking, y’know, instead of just ignoring it.” James started, he didn’t look up at Alex.
Alex just nodded, he wasn’t sure if he’d even be able to speak if he tried right then.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night, it probably made you really uncomfortable. I- I’m not gonna pretend like it didn’t happen because that is how I feel though. I really fucking fancy you Alex. Like, I didn’t realize how much until we kissed that night. But now I do, and I understand if you don’t like me back, fuck, I know you don’t… You were so awkward after we kissed. I’m so sorry, fuck Alex…” James said. He looked up after that, making eye contact. “I fancy you.”
Alex’s eyes must’ve looked terrified because James let out a huge sigh, he moved to stand up when Alex spoke without barely realizing it, his body seemed to know what he wanted and moved on its own.
“James.” Alex started, his voice slightly high pitched. “Fucks sake, James. I fancy you too. I can’t stop fucking thinking about you, Jesus Christ.”
James looked confused, he didn’t say anything but sat back down.
“I was only awkward because I realized how much I liked you, I tried so hard to push down my feelings but yesterday when you said that, they all resurfaced. I just… I didn’t want you not to have a reason not to fancy me, because, if you’re straight then at least you’re incapable, but if you like blokes then… I just… I wanted a fucking reason!” Alex sighed and leaned forward, burying his face in his hands.
There was a long pause, Alex held his breath and didn’t move, even if he knew James fancied him, his mind still wanted to come up with some dumbass excuse to show he didn’t really, that he was lying, that he would never--
“So we both fancy each other?” James interrupted his thoughts as if he knew what Alex was thinking.
“Guess so,” Alex responded without looking up.
“Can I kiss you then?”
Alex swallowed and felt his breath hitch, maybe this was real, “Yeah” He said, barely audible.
James moved closer and Alex looked up, James’ eyes were soft and his face was tinted light pink, he looked stunning. Alex looked down to James' lips as they slowly made their way towards his, he knew he’d been waiting for this, he knew it would be better than the first time. They both made eye contact once more before permanently shutting them and letting their mouths take over their emotions. Their lips were suddenly together, moving in sync like they were being mechanically controlled, Alex felt the huge knot in his stomach float away. James' lips were breathtaking, literally, but Alex pulled him closer still, he wanted to take in everything James had to offer. Nothing else mattered at that moment. James pulled away for a split second to look down at Alex, allowing Alex to get a look at him as well, his pupils were large and his lips highly resembled that of some cherries, as they were plump and thickly red. James’ eyes were unreadable and dark as he pulled them back together again, now pushing his hands into Alex’s hair as they moved closer.
Alex could definitely get used to this.