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Fading away to nothing should have been a peaceful end to a brutal life and Stephen should have been looking forward to it. But since he knew what would await him on the other side of it he didn’t. Couldn’t.
No death, no gentle oblivion. Instead he was trapped in another dimension, inside an Infinity Stone, trying to hold together way too many people. It took him way too long to gather the handful of Avengers that had also died in the snap but then it was surprisingly easy to delegate everything else to them. He held himself in the background, not showing how much he knew and how powerful he was. A quick memory spell woven around Peter made sure that the kid couldn’t open his mouth and destroy everything - he regretted the necessity and he could imagine what Tony would have to say to that but Tony had his own battles to fight back in the world of the living.
Peter Parker was only the first. Stephen did his rounds and one by one he modified the memories of everyone who had come into contact with him, who knew who he was and what he was capable of.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to each and every one, almost choking on his regret. But he had to do it, there was no way around it. If Tony did what Stephen hoped he would do all the people would be back where they belonged - but there was no place for one Doctor Stephen Strange in the brand-new universe that would be created out of the ashes of the old one.
Not even for the memory of him.
Only Mantis, the empath, looked at him with big, dark eyes full of understanding and sorrow when he came to her, the last of them all. Stephen smiled at her, not caring that she could see his tears. When she touched his cheek in a gesture of infinite compassion and gentleness there was only mutual understanding between them.
“It’s not fair,” she said but Stephen shook his head.
“I’ve been on borrowed time for the last few years, ever since…” He stopped. It didn’t matter. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” She put both her hands on his head, her antennae lighting up. “I wish you peace and comfort.” You deserve it, she didn’t say out loud and Stephen was thankful for that small mercy.
“And I promise you a happy life.” He wove the memory spell around her with even more care than anyone except Peter.
With Mantis taken care of he walked away, feeling lighter and more carefree than he had in years despite the pain of his various injuries haunting his every step. He searched for and found a nice little corner to curl up in and wait.
“I’m sorry that you have to stay with me,” he murmured to the Cloak but it just wrapped him in a tight embrace, making it clear that it didn’t want to be anywhere else. The simple gesture of love and affection made him tear up again and after a moment he cried into the soft fabric that had done so much for him.
“Soon it’ll be over. Finally.” Hopefully.
He barely dared to believe that this might finally be it, despite having seen his death in here. The Cloak dabbed his tears away and hugged him even tighter. Stephen forced his aching and useless fingers to curl around the fabric to caress it in return.
He could barely wait to fade away again. This time for good.
*
When he woke up again some undefinable time later to the relieved face of Wong he just turned away and cried.
It seemed that the universe was still not finished punishing him for his hubris. Wong’s hand on his shoulder was meant to be comforting but it felt like the weight of the world, always pressing down on him but never crushing him for good.
He let himself be gathered up into an embrace and didn’t even resist when his head was carefully positioned on Wong’s shoulder - the closest he had ever been to his best friend.
“It’ll get better. I’m here for you,” Wong promised in a soft tone but all Stephen could see was another endless road of life in front of him. But he didn’t have the strength to protest and so he let himself be held. Let Wong have the illusion that his comfort might help him; it would be too cruel to tell him otherwise.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered once again.
Wong just held him tighter. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
If only that was the truth. Stephen surrendered to sleep - sadly, not the eternal kind - without answering.