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Not long after his death the secrets Jin GuangYao had painstakingly tried to keep silent, buried under the corpses of those who had gotten too close, had been laid bare to the entire cultivation world. Overnight he became the most reviled villain in recent memory, his name spoken between insults and spats, turned into a curse just like the Yiling Patriarch's name had been before, held in the same regard as the likes of Wen RuoHan or his father Jin GuangShan.
Nie HuaiSang had made sure not a single one of Jin GuangYao's misdeeds escaped him, making each one common knowledge with frightening speed.
However, of the smaller secrets Jin GuangYao managed to take to his grave, there's one that even if discovered nobody, not even the most hardline loyalist, would believe:
Jin GuangYao truly, sincerely loved his son, Jin RuSong.
And how could anyone believe it, when Jin GuangYao had killed the child himself? Gave his son the same fate reserved for anyone who got in his way.
Nobody would believe, because nobody had been there the day of the boy's birth. Jin GuangYao had known of his wife's true lineage then, of his son being the result of a sinful union.
It had been evident from the start, a difficult delivery that took hours and hours as the sun set and Qin Su's screams were heard through Koi Tower. That left the mother drained and unconscious, and the son tethering on the edge of life and death. The midwife and healers did their best to save their lives, and while Qin Su's survival had been assured, the baby's future was uncertain. Fearing the worst, nobody protested a breach against tradition and allowed Jin GuangYao inside the chamber alone — they thought it may be the first and last time Sect Leader Jin held his son.
Jin GuangYao's pragmatic mind assessed the situation, knew this would be the perfect moment to dispose of the fruits of his shameless union before it was brought to light. Qin Su was unconscious, he was alone, and the child, so small and fragile, was already struggling to stay alive. Nobody would suspect if the baby didn't make it through the night; he could even use it as leverage to divorce Qin Su, a clean split on grounds that even the Qin Sect wouldn't object.
But the more he looked into the small bundle in his arms, the more Jin GuangYao felt his resolve waver. This child, such a small, fragile thing, cursed from birth, was his. From the shape of his brows and nose to the arch of his lips, the baby was the spitting image of his father, in turn echoing the features of his own mother Meng Shi.
As he reminisced about her, the baby suddenly whined and stretched his stubby hands towards his father. Jin GuangYao held him closer to his chest and let the child touch him. The whines stopped almost immediately, replaced by pleased cooing.
Jin GuangYao's mind filled with vivid memories of his mother's love, and distantly wondered if he would ever feel the same again.
He gave in to weakness that night, and allowed the baby to live. He hoped that, given his son's poor constitution and troubled birth, death would do a mercy to both of them. But it didn't happen. The child lived for another day, then another week, another month, until he was old enough to receive a name, Jin RuSong.
Jin GuangYao observed as his son lived month after month. Jin RuSong had been truly cursed from birth, and his father could see the proof in every detail: He's prone to sickness, with poor constitution and even poorer qi flow — his cultivation ability will be mediocre at best. He's dim-witted, a slow learner, and so clumsy on his feet it stresses Qin Su just seeing him try to walk on his own.
Even if Jin GuangYao succeeded at keeping his son's lineage under wraps forever, it's evident RuSong will be an embarrassment growing up, one that will reflect on his father more than anyone else.
There are plenty of chances for Jin GuangYao to get rid of the boy. He has many enemies, he's sure not few of them would be willing to harm his family to get at him. Even if he doesn't use his enemies for the deed, RuSong is such a sickly, foolish, careless child it would be so easy for him to suffer a fatal 'accident', or a fatal illness.
Jin GuangYao knows he should dispose of his son sooner than later, every day that passes will only make things harder. He knows this, yet he stays his hand. Every day that passes, Jin GuangYao's love for A-Song grows even more.
When A-Song runs after him, clinging to his legs and begging to be held. When A-Song cries for him after suffering yet another bruise product of his carelessness, only quieting down when his father comforts him. When A-Song fixes his gaze on him, eyes full of focus and admiration, as he tries repeating his father's words in a language of babbles and stutters. When Jin GuangYao takes him during his visits to the Cloud Recesses or the Unclean Realm, and watches A-Song happily chase after rabbits or giggle at the canaries singing. When A-Song laughs and rushes to hug him in gratitude for each delicious sweet or cute little trinket his father brings for him...
Jin GuangYao drinks his son's affection like a man dying of thirst.
Shortly after A-Song's third birthday, Jin GuangYao takes him on a slow flight on his sword. The skies are clear and the night is starry, the gleam of moonlight reflected on his son's eyes. A-Song clings tightly to his robes, afraid of falling despite his father's strong grip and careful maneuvering, but he still turns his head upwards towards the stars.
Jin GuangYao knows his time is running out. His son's mediocrity is too obvious, and will become more so as he continues growing, sooner or later it will reveal his cursed birth. They're alone, far from the ground, and the night is full of dangers — a hidden enemy or a night creature, Jin GuangYao wouldn't need to think much for a valid excuse for his son's tragic fall.
Instead, Jin GuangYao points at each star, speaks of their names and their fables in a gentle voice.
He knows A-Song may be the last person to love him unconditionally. Whatever bond Jin GuangYao had with Qin Su broke long ago after he began refusing her caresses, her kisses and her company shortly after A-Song's conception. Lan XiChen may be honest in his friendship, but Jin GuangYao knows better than to expect it to last if his sworn brother knew of his true nature. Jin Ling is impossible to love, being an obstacle he can't risk to dispose of, taking too much after his father in personality, and reserving his devotion to the unpleasable Jiang WanYin. Nie HuaiSang's admiration is just the byproduct of his dependency, one that he finds more pitiful than endearing. Su She's devotion is the same as a starving dog's to the butcher that feeds him scraps, and Jin GuangYao finds himself forced to rein in his disdain for such pathetic display on more than one occasion.
After Meng Shi died, A-Song became the only person to love him as he is. The idea that anyone would love the Jin GuangYao hidden behind fine silks, golden colors and kind platitudes is laughable in itself.
As A-Song's fourth birthday nears, Jin GuangYao is forced to make a choice. He's become weak, far too weak since his son's birth, craving for every scrap of sincere affection like a vulgar addict. He become dependent of A-Song's pure love, has been for almost four years, and he can't allow himself to remain so.
Jin GuangYao truly loved his son, but he hated weakness even more. If he's forced to choose one or the other, he doesn't need to reconsider — he's lived so long without love, he can afford a sacrifice he's used to.
So, before A-Song turned four, Jin GuangYao kissed him good night, lingered for a second too many, and departed Koi Tower to arrange his son's end.