Chapter Text
Lena entered back stage, she tightly held the handle of her violin case as she climbed the stairs. It was a Saturday evening and no one was schedule to be in here on the weekends. The auditorium was deathly quiet much to her liking, a contrast from her noisy thoughts that plagued her for the longest while. Old leathered chairs lined up coming up towards the stage, the narrow passage way’s carpet worn thin, it’s patterns barely recognizable now.
She usually came in here to get a breather from her duties and to clear her head. It was her little quiet place where she could play her violin, no disruptions, no prying eyes, no back chatter, no one except her and the music. The sound would rip through her, automatically calming herself, relaxing her entire body as she played, swaying to the melodic sound that her violin sadly called out for another. Everything she couldn’t put in words came out in her music, her worries, her thoughts. And boy did she have a lot of both at the moment.
During the week she pushed all thoughts and emotions she felt about her and Kara’s fight to the back of her mind, seemingly unfazed by what happened between them. She avoided the blonde like a plague although, she sat to the front of the class than her normal seat with Kara by the window. She did notice how Kara would perk up on seeing her enter the class only to fidget in her seat when Lena chose to seat away from her. She ignored the flood of texts the youngest Danvers sent every 10 minutes, each text longer than the last, explaining and asking to talk. Calls fell on deaf ears as she’d cancel any receiving call from Kara’s number not even letting it go to her voicemail. Even Kara’s friends were trying to contact Lena to at least talk to the distraught blonde, nothing worked. The stubborn Luthor ignored all and continued with her duties around campus. Even when Kara came up to her probably to apologize for the 100th time she either tuned her out or walked away giving her the cold shoulder. It did cause her chest to tighten on seeing the hurt that flashed across the girl’s features, those blue eyes that seemed bottomless mix with pain. Soon enough the texts and called tapered off, as did the girl’s efforts to reach out. Lena didn’t know if she should feel relieved or devastated. Even when she warily checked her surroundings she couldn’t find the chipper blonde on campus anymore, seemingly vanished.
Her thoughts raged loudly in her head. She was a mess to say the least. She barely got any sleep after her fight with Kara, going on day four without proper sleep, burying herself in her studies and club activities, she barely ate, drank or even showered. Her dark locks were put in a messy bun, strands framing her pale face, makeup absent from her features making her stand out even more. Still sporting her stoic and cold expression, aside from the dark bags under her eyes hidden behind dark frames, Lena Luthor looked as standoffish as usual. Even in grey sweats and a navy blue hoodie, which belonged to Kara, she still carried authority in every step she took.
Her mind buzzing Lena didn’t even care to flip the light switch for the large room, there were some loose wires and ropes decorating the floor as stage equipment were littered around. She reminded herself to scold the crew for not tidying up after, she ran her hand tiredly over her face, craning her neck to the side rubbing a sore spot in her neck. She placed her case on the bench gently, fingers inches away from unclasping the locks when the drone of the piano rung out into the massive room halting her actions.
What-
She didn’t have time to think before another set of keys were played slowly, lingering, the notes flowing perfectly into each other dripping with an underlying meaning. The melody softened before the room was filled by the softest and melodic voice Lena had ever heard. She recognized that voice anywhere. Creeping to the front cautiously she saw the scene that played out before her, two beams of light were aimed at the grand piano which sat in the middle of the stage and it’s not so mysterious pianist’s back was slightly facing Lena. Golden locks flowed over her shoulders as limber fingers danced over the keys.
“Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now,
“Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same,” the blonde closed her eyes shut as fingers met keys and she continued,” When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down.”
“Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name, it all just sounds like,” Kara vocalised the next part tilting her head upwards, swaying gently eyes still screwed shut,”Hm too young too dumb to realise, that I should have bought you flowers,” Kara’s voice spiked suddenly before softening again,” and held your hand, should have given you all my hours when I had the chance.”
Her voice tore through her throat belting out once again, ivory keys pressed down harder, "Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance, now my baby is dancing but she’s dancing with another man.”
Kara continues the melody her feet tapping the pedals lightly her hands flying over the length of the piano. And Lena forgot how to breathe taking in the sight before her. Her throat tightened, tears pricked at her eyes and a burn started in her stomach, she looked on.
“ My Pride, my ego my needs and my selfish ways caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life,” screwing her eyes shut she belted out the lyrics shaking the room itself,” Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made oh, and it haunts me every time I close my eyes, it all just sounds like,” vocalising the last part again Lena saw the tension in the blonde’s back started to lessen.
Repeating the chorus, although Lena could only see part of her face she saw and heard the heart wrenching pain that oozed out of the older girl. Her entire body worked into the performance, as the light caught something rolling down her rosy cheeks landing onto her lap on piano. Lena clutched the front of her hoodie balling her fists, tears pricking her vision as her chest tightened even more.
“Although it hurts, I‘ll be the first to say that I was wrong,
Oh I know I’m probably much too late, to try and apologize for my mistakes, but I just want you to know” the pace quickened and dropped as fast as it started dropping so low Lena barely heard the chocked sob that tore through the blonde’s frame. The tune stretched out, ivory keys held down as the pianist took in a large inhale.
“ I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hands, give you all his hours when he has the chance,
Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance,” voice wavering with every word ever so lightly Kara kept singing “ do all the things I should have done, when I was your man.” Slowing the melody even further she repeated the chorus,” Do all the things I should’ve done, when I was your man.”
The sound reverberated around the empty room. Tear tracks could clearly be seen now, but Kara didn’t move to wipe them away simply sitting there staring at the piano. Silence crept back somehow feeling heavier than when she first arrived.
The blonde’s breathing hadn’t evened out yet and her shoulders shaking slightly, and biting her lips to stop them from trembling and letting out a sob that threatened to break out. Kara’s left hand ghosted over the keys, playing a soft tune.
“I’m sorry.”
It was said so softly Lena could’ve sworn she imagined the words coming out from the Soccer star. She also thought that she went unnoticed-
“Mom I don’t know what to do,” came the straggled whisper, Kara kept her head down seemingly ready to burn holes into the piano keys. Lips turning up into a pained smile looking up at the ceiling,” I messed up big time,” she chuckled half heartedly,” And I don’t know how to fix it.”
Lena knew she shouldn’t be listening in onto her bestfriend- ex-bestfriend’s conversation with her mom but something tied her to her spot. Curiosity getting the best of her she waited for Kara to continue.
Kara folded her hands onto her lap fidgeting in place,”I- I messed up with telling Lena who I am- I know I should’ve told her before, Alex warned me to tell her a while back but- I- I was so scared-“
The scoff nearly made it’s way out of her mouth before she silenced herself. Of course she was afraid of the Luthor, guess it really was all a lie, all those moments and time was really all a hoax to get closer to me.I really am a fool to fal for it-
“-I would lose her.”
Wait
What?
“I know how she feels about all those people who hurt and betrayed her, I knew. And Rao I wanted to tell her so badly, to finally share-open up to her more and share my other half with her without all the lying.I hated it. I even planned it out to tell her after game night actually but with then the Lex thing came up she was so broken mom- I didn’t want to add to that.” Kara gulped down the lump in her throat that just kept coming up.
“She didn’t need Supergirl there, she needed her normal human friend Kara Danvers, and I was okay with being just that. Even when she went out with Jack I was okay with it, I was fine with it-,” she hiccuped a bit she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater,” I was okay because she was so, so happy mom it was so beautiful, her smile could’ve light up Argo City alone, she looked so happy and I couldn’t come in and ruin it for her. I couldn’t do that- I just- I messed up really bad.” Her voice was thick with emotion eyes pleading to someone who wasn’t there.
“I- I tried calling and talking to her to maybe clear it up and explain but she keeps avoiding me, and I understand why and I respect her not wanting to see me- I mean I lied and hurt her why would she want to be anywhere near me anymore. I want to respect her wishes because the last thing I want to do is hurt her more but,” eyebrows furrowed more she croaked out,” it hurts so much not having her by my side.”
Against Lena’s will she silently agreed to the statement as well. It hurt so much being apart but what else could she do?
“I miss our talks, the jokes the hanging out, the hugs, hearing her laugh or just seeing her do that cute little lip twitch thing when she’s reading or studying,” laughing slightly tears still brimming in her eyes a small smile played her lips,” or her complaining about my food choices and trying to get me to eat that cursed Kale.”
Lena cracked a small smile at the side of her lips remembering Kara’s reaction to finding out she put kale in her smoothie one morning when she wasn’t looking and the look of absolute horror when she found she actually liked it.
“I just want to tell her I’m sorry and all the things I never got to say. She can hate me all she wants, she can kick me out of her life permanently but I just need to talk to her mom- I can’t take it- I can’t take being the one who hurt her- I promised- I,” lightly hitting her thigh biting down on her bottom lip she sniffled looking back down at the keys,” I promised to always protect her. I promised.” Voice watery still hitting her thigh.
It would be an understatement if Lena wasn’t torn between running out and staying to listen to the rest of what Kara had to say, but the pain she heard in the sunny Danvers broke her. Guilt slowly creeped up on her for avoiding the soccer player seeing she wasn’t the only one being eaten up by this. She clearly remembered a rainy night in their dorm on the old couch curling into Kara as she wept whispering sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down rocking them back and forth promising to always be there no matter what, though thick and thin. The memory still fresh in her mind.
A soft chuckle brought her back to reality snapping her head back to the oblivious blonde,” You know I had this big fantasy made up in my head that after I told her I could finally get the guts to ask her out?” Fingers tapped the oak rhythmically,” Seems pretty stupid now to think that could happen am I right?”
Lena think that was about the moment she choked on her tongue eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets Kara-Lena- liked- her-Danvers?? Her mind jumbled together in a mess she let out a squeak promptly clasping both hands over her mouth eyes as big as saucers.
And as probably a cosmic joke Kara’s head snapped in her direction shooting to stand up nearly tumbling over the stool,”Lena- I-,” her eyes widened comically mouth opening and closing no words coming out.
As any normal human being would do when your ex-bestfriend /crush just admitted they liked you, she ran like the respectable Luthor she was. Ducking out the back entrance violin and case forgotten she needed to get out of there leaving a gaping Kara behind.
When Kara’s mind actually caught up to her after seeing Lena all that come to her mind was
Fuck