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Language:
English
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Published:
2019-05-28
Words:
256
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
4
Kudos:
21
Bookmarks:
1
Hits:
193

Life Lessons from the Silmarillion

Summary:

Basically what it says on the tin--a simple list of Silm life lessons. With a hefty dose of wry humor, and a dash of sarcasm.

Notes:

Yet another late night Silm Facebook post gone too far. Hopefully funny.

Work Text:

1. don't be a racist
2. did I fn stutter
3. be nice to your stepfamily
4. quit stabbing people
5. sometimes your family members turn out to be horrible. throw them out on their ears and don't feel bad.
6. please see 1 and 2
7. quit setting things on fire
8. jewelry isn't worth that much
9. take good care of children
10. always examine contracts carefully
11. wear a helmet
12. if your sword starts talking to you, get rid of it (and see a doctor)
13. if your kid comes home with a date, don't try to get them killed
14. try not to panic
15. if it seems too good to be true, and it involves a Maia, it absolutely definitely is
16. don't kidnap people and try to force them to marry you
17. avoid falling for very obvious traps
18. don't put the evil guy in charge
19. hiding only works until someone finds you
20. be patient. at least a little.
21. ask nicely. NICELY. put the sword away.
22. going it alone is almost always a terrible idea
23. there is a 50% chance that your dog is smarter than you
24. punishment is usually not an effective teaching method
25. don't claim to care for people if you intend to abandon them
26. pity never did anyone any good. what you're after is empathy.
27. stop procrastinating
28. make friends!
29. music is important
30. you can't fix a problem by shoving it under the sea