Work Text:
7 year old Olivia climbed quietly into the back of Toni's car when she pulled up, greeting her momma with a quiet "hey." She placed her school bag beside her, staring out of the window as they drove .
“Hey, baby,” Toni said, pulling out onto the main road and indicating in the direction of their house. “How was school?”
"It was good" she nodded quietly, her thumb finding its way to her mouth. "Did you go to work today momma?"
Toni nodded, looking into her rear view mirror. Her daughter was exactly like her wife - they both thought they could hide their emotions and she saw right through the both of them. “Liv? What’s wrong honey?”
"I'm tired.." she sighed. It wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the whole truth. "Can I skip ballet tonight?"
Toni frowned. “I - yeah, okay... are you sure you’re okay?”
"Uhuh.." she nodded from the back seat, glad they were almost home.
Toni watched her with a worried frown as they turned into their driveway. Something was up.
"Mommy will still be at work when we get home won't she? Cos she normally comes after ballet and I'm not going tonight am I?"
“She will honey" Toni nodded. “But if you like, I can get her to come home early?” She parked the car in the garage and killed the ignition. “Would that help?”
Olivia shook her head. "No, it's okay momma." She got out of the car, pulling her school bag out and throwing it heavily onto her shoulder.
Toni followed behind her, unlocking the door. “Pancakes for afternoon snack? If you don’t tell mom I won’t either."
"Pancakes are my favorite" she turned to look at Toni. "Mom won't be mad if we don't tell her the truth will she?"
“Nah,” Toni grinned, her playful side still evident. "She doesn’t have to know, hmm?”
"If you're sure.." Olivia looked at her anxiously. Even at 7 years old she was mindful of upsetting her parents.
“I’m sure,” Toni promised with a smile. “How about if we save her some?”
"That sounds like a good idea" she agreed, although the more she thought about it the less she wanted pancakes herself.
Toni nodded, pulling ingredients out and placing them on the bench. “Chocolate chips, Missy moo?”
"I don't mind, whatever you wanna make momma."
Toni frowned, adding the choc chips anyway. “LI've? Sure you’re okay?”
"Uhuh, You don't need to keep asking me" she sighed. "I'm fine."
Toni nodded. “For the record, I’m here if you wanna talk, Okay?”
"What does that even mean momma?" She mumbled, her thumb in her mouth again. "We are talking now."
“Sassy,” Toni smiled. “Just.. I’m here for you, you know?”
"Okay momma.." she hovered around her a bit in the kitchen, leaning against her side and wrapping am around around her leg, her head resting against Toni's waist. She was fairly small for her height, looking even younger when she was anxious or sad.
“Olivia...” Toni whispered, holding her close. “Are you sure that everything’s alright?”
Olivia shrugged. "Can..can we snuggle once you've finished making pancakes? I don't think I really want any for snack now."
Toni nodded. “Dyou wanna put the pancakes on hold til mommy comes home?”
"Yes please.." she nodded, hugging Toni's leg again.
"Okay honey" Toni pulled her daughter's hand gently up the stairs to the master bedroom and flopped down on her bed, kicking her shoes off. “Come here...”
Olivia climbed up onto her parents bed and crawled over to Toni.
Toni opened her arms, wrapping her daughter in a warm embrace. “Livvy?”
"Yeah?" She whispered quietly, snuggling against Toni's warmth.
“Did something happen at school?” Toni asked gently. “Something you wanna tell me about?"
Livvy thought it, saying nothing at first before burying her face into Toni's shirt and breaking down.
“Hey... hey, baby, it’s okay...” Toni soothed, rubbing her back. “What’s going on?”
Livvy was anxious to tell her momma, her eyes wide. "I..I'm not sposed to tell."
“You can tell me anything remember?” It was one of Cheryl and Toni’s most repeated phrases - they needed their daughter to know she could trust them with everything.
Olivia fiddled with her hair, burying her facebagain as anxiety took over.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
"Why are some kids mean? You always say we should try and be nice to people so nobody feels sad."
“There are kids being mean?” Toni asked gently, running her hands through Liv’s hair.
"Only today. Not normally.." she leaned further into Toni.
“Today?” Toni whispered, holding her close. “What happened today Liv?”
"Our teacher wasn't there. So we had this new lady and she said we had to make something but I didn't want to."
"What did she want you to make?" Toni was confused.
"A card.." Olivia mumbled quietly.
"A card..." Toni repeated, wracking her brain. "For?"
Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "I can't remember."
Toni's eyes narrowed at the obvious lie. "Livvy."
"It was for Father's Day."
Toni's heart sunk. "Liv..."
"And then a boy in my class...James said...he said..I don't have a proper family but I do."
"You do," Toni whispered, using all her willpower to be strong - for Liv. "You do, sweetie. Livvy... does it upset you, that you don't have a dad?"
Livvy shook her head. "No because I have the two best mommies ever. No daddy could ever be as awesome as you two".
Toni smiled, her eyes shining. "That's true... but if you ever feel sad about that, you just tell me or mommy, okay?"
Livvy nodded. "I just don't like James being mean to me" she scowled before falling quiet. "How did I get in mommy's tummy then?"
Toni let out a quiet giggle. “Uh... well, me and mommy went to a doctor... and they helped get you inside...” she said, wondering how much Liv actually wanted to know.
"Oh okay.." she shrugged, wrapping her arms around Toni and squeezing her tight.
“Why?” Toni asked softly. “Did they ask you that?”
Olivia nodded shyly against Toni. "They said you can't make a proper baby without a mommy and a daddy."
“Well, You definitely can,” Toni said, holding her tight. “Look! Me and Mommy made you... and you’re even more perfect than them.”
"You think?" She wasn't good at accepting compliments.
“No, I don’t think,” Toni teased. “I know.”
"That's cos your super smart momma."
"Am I now?" Toni asked with a grin. "And here I am thinking you got your intelligence from your mom..."
"Both of you.." she grinned. "Because you're both my mommies."
Toni smiled at her, tucking a red curl behind her ear. "Both of us."
Liv nodded. "Yep!"
Sometimes, Toni found it amazing how much she loved Liv. How much the little girl could warm her chest right up and make her feel as though nothing was quite as important as her happiness. She pulled her daughter close into a hug and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her head, an unexpected rush of pure love and emotion flowing through her as she closed her eyes with a gentle sigh.
"Are you okay momma?" Liv looked at her curiously.
Toni shrugged, blinking her tears away. "I think so, baby. I think so..." she wasn't sure why she was so emotional. "I love you, okay? You know that?"
"Of course silly! You and mommy tell me everyday!! Did you think I forgot?"
"No," Toni laughed quietly, a small smile forming on her lips. "No, I didn't. Just making sure you remembered."
"Always" she leaned up to plant a kiss on Toni's cheek. Her hand fell into Toni's hair, twirling it around her fingers. "Mommy always says she loves your hair."
Toni laughed again, her eyes filled with wonder as she watched her daughter. "Does she now?"
"Uhuh! She says it's her favorite. Yours and mine. Cos red is her favorite color and that's my color!"
"It is," Toni agreed. "She loves us very much... we're so lucky."
"Super lucky" she grinned.
Toni nodded, holding Liv closer. "And me and mommy are super lucky to have you."
"I'm your favorite daughter right?"
Toni laughed. "You're my only daughter, gorgeous. But yeah, you're my favourite."
"Good.." to her 7 year old mind, clearly being the only daughter wasn't nearly as good as being favorite.
"Absolute favourite," Toni promised, grinning. "Always."
"Forever and always" she said back. "Hey Momma?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"Do you think Juniper and Dagwood did a Father's Day card for uncle Jason?"
Toni's brow crumpled. "I'm not sure, baby. Maybe, I guess. Do you wanna ask them?"
Livvy shook her head. "I was just thinking...if they did...how would be know? How could they show him?"
Toni smiled sadly. "He's watching over them. June and Dag and Aunty Polly too. And your mom. And us. He watches all of us. He'd know Livvy. I know he would."
"You think?" She contemplated.
"Once again my love" Toni said softly. "I know."
"Cos you're super smart?"
"Cos I'm super smart," Toni nodded. "That's right."
Livvy nodded, seemingly satisfied with that.
"You feeling okay now?" Toni asked softly.
"I think so.." she nodded slowly. "You made it all better."
Toni smiled. "It's kinda crazy how alike you and your mom are, you know?"
"How? Tell me how..pleasssseeee?" She gave Toni her best puppy dog eyes.
"Well," Toni started, grinning. "You're practically identical. And you both... you're both so sweet. So kind and caring. About others. And you both need to open up more... and understand that other people care about you. That's why I'm making sure you know I love you, okay?"
Olivia nodded. "I always know, you don't have to worry about that bit okay momma?"
Toni smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. So glad."
"I love you forever and ever okay?"
Toni felt her chest fill with warmth. "Thank you, baby," she whispered, pulling her daughter back into a hug. "I love you forever and ever too."
"Do you think we could have those pancakes now?"
Toni grinned. "Of course we can, baby. Just don't tell Mommy... it's almost dinner time." She chuckled helping Liv up from the bed. "But hey - it's our secret."
....
Cheryl's case at work went on much later than planned. By the time she got home, she knew Livvy would already be in bed. "TT?" She called out, leaving her keys in the hallway. She wandered through to the lounge to find Toni curled up on the couch. "Evening."
“Hey, gorgeous,” Toni smiled. “Come here.” She knew she’d have to tell Cheryl about what had happened to Liv, and that it would most likely upset her wife in the same way it had upset her. “I missed you today.”
"I missed you too. And Liv. Sorry I am back late, I was in a conference call so couldn't even call to say goodnight to her. How was her ballet class?"
“It’s fine... and she... uh... she skipped ballet?” Toni said softly, standing up to wrap Cheryl in her arms.
"She skipped it? Why? She loves ballet. Is she sick?"
Toni shook her head. “No... not sick...”
"Is she hurt? Oh god what happened?" Cheryl couldn't understand it. Olivia adored ballet class.
“Some... something happened at school,” Toni whispered, everything coming back as she buried her face in Cheryl’s shoulder.
"Oh god. Is she okay? Are you?" She sat down on the couch, tugging Toni's hand gently so she was sat beside her.
Toni bit her lip with a shrug. “I think she’s fine... but I hate how I feel right now.”
"Talk to me TT...what's going on?"
Toni’s eyes flicked up to meet Cheryl’s before training back on the loose thread in the couch she was picking at. “Do you ever... think that maybe... maybe we disadvantaged her?”
She didn’t want to say it out loud, as if it was her deepest insecurity... but Cheryl would understand, right? Cheryl could help?
"Dis...disadvantaged her? In what way my love?" Cheryl gave Toni a confused look as she laced her hand with Toni's.
Toni shrugged, pulling away to bring her legs up to her chest. “I don’t know... don’t worry, it’s dumb...” it really was dumb... and definitely not something she should be thinking.
"Babe?" Cheryl's fingers trailed along Toni's arm. "It's not dumb at all. It's bothering you so talk to me...let me help.."
Toni shook her head. “It’s fine...”
"No it's not..please Toni. You know you can tell me anything.." she coaxed gently.
Toni nodded again. “I know... I’m just... ashamed?”
"Ashamed? Why sweetie?" Cheryl cupped her chin, lifting it gently till their eyes met.
“Not - not of us...” Cheryl had to understand that. “Never of us... I just -“ she took a deep breath. “I wonder, sometimes, if she’s... if we made it hard... by not giving her a - a typical family...” it was an insecurity that plagued her mind from time to time when she got overly emotional.
She’d never spoken of it. “I don’t know... maybe it’s dumb...”
"If it's bothering you..it's not dumb. Not at all.." Cheryl promised in a quiet whisper, her own mind mulling over Toni's words. "You mean a mom and a dad?" she blinked back her own tears, not daring to think the painful thoughts that started to swirl through her mind.
Toni shrugged, unable to look Cheryl in the eyes. “I wouldn’t change anything in the world...” she whispered, her voice oh-so-close to cracking. “But sometimes... I wonder if it would be easier? On her?”
Cheryl swallowed hard, nodding her head. "She wouldn't be who she is without both of us though.." she mumbled. Maybe Toni thought she would be better off without Cheryl.
“I know - god, I know, and I promise,” Toni whispered, tears choking her words. “I promise I love it this way... I wouldn’t change anything, I just - god, don’t worry.” She didn’t want to upset Cheryl, she’d deal with it on her own.
"No..please Toni..you have to tell me.." she couldn't bare it if she didn't.
“I - don’t wanna,” Toni whispered, pulling Cheryl tight against her and nuzzling in as she worked around the lump in her throat.
“They’re being mean to her because she didn’t have a dad to make a Father’s Day card for,” she cried. “We -“ She didn’t want to say the next bit, too scared Cheryl would take it the wrong way.
"Please say it TT.." she whispered, her heart breaking that kids had been mean to Olivia.
Toni shook her head again, her shoulders shaking as she pulled away. “I c-can’t.”
"Hey..hey.." Cheryl whispered softly, her arms around her wife. "Yes you can..I know you can.."
“I don’t think I can,” Toni whispered, tears that she’d worked so hard to hide from Liv falling down her cheeks as she sucked on her lower lip.
Cheryl pressed her lips lightly to Toni's. "Say it TT.." she promoted softly.
Toni’s face crumpled. “It’s because of me,” she cried. “It’s because of me that they’re being mean, and she doesn’t deserve it!”
"Because of you? Why TT? Surely if it's something about her parents then it's both of us.." she wasn't quite understanding.
“B-But she’s - she’s yours,” Toni sobbed, all her anxieties spilling out of her. “She’s yours... if I had’ve - if - I don’t know, Cher, I don’t - I don’t know!”
"Oh TT.." Cheryl felt her own heart break. "No baby..she's not mine. She's ours. We decided to have kids together, we went through this process together. She's as much yours as she is mine."
“I know,” Toni whispered. “I know, and most of the time I feel that... but - but sometimes I wonder if - if maybe she’d like it better if she had you and a dad...” she reached up to wipe her cheeks, new tears falling as quickly as she wiped them away.
"Toni, my love.." Cheryl couldn't stop her own tears falling. "If anyone was going to be able to give her that sort of family, it would have been you, not me. You're the bisexual one, you could have chosen a man instead of me. But me? I'm a lesbian baby, so it would never happen. But regardless of that, please don't ever think that she would like it more with a dad. She would not be better off without you. Just because the social norm is seen to be that families have a mom and a dad...that's so outdated. A family is whatever you want it to be. You are the best parent. You're tens time better at all this than me TT. I know you didn't carry her, but that's the only thing you didn't do. You were her momma as soon as I got pregnant. Before that even."
“No - No!” Toni said quietly. “I- I’m not better... I - I tried so hard to protect her and she- they’re still being mean and I - if I wasn’t here, they - they wouldn’t be...” they were both crying now, and Toni felt terrible that she’d made Cheryl cry. “And now I’ve upset you too...”
"You haven't upset me. I'm upset because I can see how much this is hurting you. You're her momma TT. You are. And even if we didn't have it all sorted legally, which we do, you would still be her mom. Just because you didn't carry her, it doesn't mean she's any less yours. If you weren't here, she wouldn't be either. She's here because of you. I'd never have wanted to start a family without you."
Toni broke down completely. “Y-You’re so - so... so perfect,” she whispered, her chest heaving with sobs as she clutched at Cheryl’s shirt. “I - I can’t... can’t put into words...”
Cheryl held Toni in her arms, rubbing her back to comfort her. "Not true.." she planted a kiss on Toni's forehead.
“T-True,” Toni promised. “So - so true.”
"I can't bare for you to think of yourself as anything less than the most amazing mother. I'm so thankful for you Toni, i can't even put it into words."
“I’m sorry,” Toni whispered, leaning up into Cheryl’s touch.
"Don't be. Just promise me that you'll not doubt yourself any more okay? We'd be nothing without you TT."
“I - I’ll try,” Toni murmured. “But - but you would be. You would be something.”
"Toni, its you that made me what I am. You that make our family what it is."
“All of us,” Toni whispered. “It’s all of us.”
"We wouldn't be the Topaz-Blossom family without both of us TT."
“And Livvy,” Toni added, her chest finally settling as she nestled closer to Cheryl.
"And Livvy. The three of us. And she would NOT be better off without you. You are better than anyone else. The best. Right?"
“Kay,” Toni mumbled. She buried her head further into Cheryl’s neck.
"No..not kay. You have to believe that. I can't have you thinking that, not ever okay?"
Toni’s eyes flicked up. “Why not?”
"Because it's the furthest thing from the truth. So, so far."
“Okay.” Toni looked up again, resting her forehead against Cheryl’s. “I’m sorry.”
"You never have to say sorry TT.." she promised. "I just want you to believe it."
“I’m trying,” Toni said truthfully. “Getting there... thanks to you.”
"Next time we have a baby..you should carry it TT. Or if you don't want to carry, we should atleast use your egg right? I need a mini Toni in my life."
“Next time?” Toni asked softly, a small smile on her lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”
"Of course" Cheryl said quickly. "I..I mean..if you want there to be of course.."
Toni grinned, wiping the last of her tears away. “I do.” She leaned up to kiss Cheryl properly. “I definitely do. Just promise you won’t love mini Toni more than me Toni?”
"Never.." she grinned, kissing Toni again. "And it's a different kind of love anyway" she grinned. "No one on this earth could change that."
Toni grinned victoriously. “Okay, good. Because it goes the same from me to you.”
"Perfect" Cheryl laughed. "Just like you my love."
Toni felt herself relax. “I love you so much.”
"I love you so much too.." she promised. They were quiet for a bit, Cheryl thinking about Toni's earlier words. "Was Livvy okay?"
“Seemed to be, after a bit,” Toni shrugged. “She... she said they said she couldn’t be a real baby because she wasn’t made by a mom and a dad.”
"Our poor baby.." she whispered. "I've no doubt you assured her that was not the case."
“Of course,” Toni said. “Immediately. Emphatically.”
"But that made you doubt things in your own mind.."
Toni shrugged again. “I know I shouldn’t...”
"I get it.." Cheryl whispered. "But I know that what we have is so special. Want to know why I dont have those doubts? This life we've created, the family we've made. I enjoy every second of it because I get to spend it with you."
“I love it too,” Toni whispered, nodding. “But... sometimes I can’t help it and I start to worry and overthink.”
"You mustn't baby. You're a therapist, the best one around. You know these things can spiral Imagine if someone came to see you having the doubts that you're having."
“I’d tell them they didn't need to and that of course their family was just as valid as anyone else's...” Toni whispered as the realization hit her. "Oh. Right.”
"Exactly babe. Families come in all shapes and sizes, it doesn't mean we are any less than a family that has a mom and a dad. I had a mom and a dad and look how well that turned out.."
“I know - I know, it’s not that I don’t think we’re a real family... I just want the best for her.”
"The best for her is you..and us..together, as a family"
“It is... it really is.”
and it was.