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“Loki?”
“Yes?”
“Did I mention how freaking cool this is?”
Loki rolled his eyes and watched the stars pass by the cockpit window. “About four thousand times, yes.”
Miracle of miracles, Tony and Steve had allowed Loki and Peter to go on their very first duo mission, and Peter couldn’t have been more excited if he tried. During the entirety of the flight he’d been pacing around the ship, watching planets pass by the windows and talking Loki’s head off. And yes, he had mentioned how cool it was, and continued to do so about twice per minute.
“It’s like a field trip!” Peter exclaimed. He pulled his mask up and wore it as a hat, finally sitting down in the copilot seat beside Loki. “Aren’t you excited?”
Loki slowly turned to look at him. “Thrilled.” Peter blew a raspberry at him then swiveled around in circles in his chair. “It’s not a field trip, it’s a survey mission. Probably the least exciting thing possible.”
“Aww everything’s exciting with you , Loki!” Peter said. Loki rolled his eyes again.
“I should have brought earplugs.”
Without warning, the ship suddenly banked hard to the left, sending Peter slamming against the wall. Alarms blared as Loki gripped the control yoke hard and tried to even the ship out. “What the hell was that?!”
Monitors showed a bright red blinking light on the left engine, indicating damage. “Shit. We’ve been hit!” Loki called.
Peter picked himself up off the floor and gripped Loki’s chair for stability. “By what ?!”
Altitude alarms rang out. The ship was going down. Loki didn’t answer Peter, instead grabbing the communicator and gripping it with white knuckles. “Mayday! We’re going down! Stark, Thor, do you copy? We’re going down!”
Out of the window cockpit, they watched as the ship plummeted downwards toward a pale green planet. “Peter! Sit down and strap yourself in!” Loki shouted. “We’re going down!” Loki wasn’t the greatest pilot on the best of days, let alone when the ship he was flying was missing an engine.
Tony’s voice crackled to life on the other end of the communicator but Loki couldn’t hear what he was saying. He opened his mouth to respond but the ship shuddered and jolted as it entered the planet’s atmosphere. Peter screamed.
“1000 meters to the surface and closing! Peter, hang on!” Loki screamed, pulling up as hard as he could on the control yoke to slow their descent. There was a beat of silence before the craft slammed into the surface of the planet.
Sparks and scraps of metal went flying as the ship was torn apart by the trees and rocks of the planet’s surface. It bumped across a shallow lake, collided into a grove of tall, black trees and was shredded by the rocks on the ground until it came to a stop in a twisted heap. What was left of the hull was twisted around a tree.
Loki was briefly knocked unconscious as his head was slammed against a metal panel, but he quickly awakened just seconds after the ship came to a stop. “Peter!” He shouted the moment he came to. He shoved a scalding hot beam of metal off of him and stood to look around. The wreckage of the ship sent smoke billowing into the damp and freezing air. They were in what appeared to be some kind of bog. Murky, olive-green water began to fill the areas of the ship that were still intact.
A wet grunt caught his attention and he sprinted to the source of the sound. “Peter?” He called. “Peter, where—“ the air left his lungs when he caught sight of him. “Oh, god.”
Peter was laying a few meters off, his stomach and legs being crushed by a bent metal beam. Loki put his fist over his mouth and bit back nausea; Peter struggled beneath the beam, but Loki didn’t need to see beneath it to see the broken bones, crushed internal structures, and blood. Peter coughed and blood flowed as readily from his mouth as air.
“L-Loki--” he hissed, terrified. “Help.”
Loki knelt beside him but didn’t touch him. “Peter…” he murmured. If he pulled back the beam, the only thing tamping off Peter’s internal bleeding, he would likely be dead within moments. “Hang on, Peter.” Loki said. “Just hold on…”
Peter looked down at the metal pinning him to the ground. Water flowed from the bog into the area of wreckage, so cold it forced the air from Peter’s lungs. The whites of his eyes were bright red from broken vessels. “Is--is it bad?” His teeth were stained red.
Loki swallowed. He could transport them out of there easily and be back at the compound, no longer stranded several light years away, but he knew that if they left that wreckage, Peter would be dead before they even made it off the planet. Those wounds were fatal. So even if it was just prolonging the inevitable, Loki nodded to himself and laid his hands down on Peter’s heaving chest.
“It’s alright, Peter. Hang on.” he commanded. Peter groaned and his eyelids fluttered. Loki’s heart skipped a beat. He was going to die. “Peter! Peter, I need you not to die!” He shouted desperately. “I can heal this but I can’t heal dead!”
Peter tried to speak but couldn’t. A familiar, dull pain ripped through his body, one he remembered from Titan. He was dying. “N--Loki, don’t let me die.” he whispered. “P-please…” His shaking voice quieted as green light poured from Loki’s hands and into his body, easing the crushing pain that shook through his body. Within a few moments he felt strong enough to help Loki move the beam from across his torso, then slide out from beneath it.
“There.” Loki murmured comfortingly, holding tightly onto Peter’s arm. “Are you alright?” Peter nodded, a little shaky. Now that he wasn’t moments from death, the both of them could take a few seconds to survey the planet they’d landed on.
“It’s good there’s oxygen in the atmosphere or I’d be toast.” Peter observed. “Tony know we’re here?”
“Yes, hopefully. I think he got the transmission before we crashed.” Loki looked around. Fog was creeping in from the trees around them, giving the entire area an incredibly disquieting feel.
Peter shivered. “Where is here anyway? Dagobah?”
“I’ve never heard of that planet.” Loki said, pulling out the communicator Tony had given him and frowning at it.
“It’s...never mind. Can you teleport us out of here?”
Some kind of animal crowed in the distance. It ran a chill up Peter’s spine as Loki sighed. “My magic isn’t unlimited. I used most of it just now, saving your life. I’m afraid I might have just prolonged the inevitable.”
Ever the optimist, Peter quickly shook his head. “No, no, it’ll be fine. We can wait until your magic comes back, right? Camping trip! Survivorman! It’ll be great.” He nodded to himself and wrapped his arms tightly across his own chest. “We’ll just be like Discovery Channel and drink our own pee, and--”
“I will kill myself before I do that.” Loki snapped, unaware of the reference.
Unbothered, Peter just clamoured over some of the rubble to reach a higher vantage point. “We should probably make a camp while we wait.” he said.
Loki nodded but looked around doubtfully. “There’s...not much dry land here. We should try finding a bank, a high place.”
“You got it!” Peter reached out a hand and prepared to web them up a hammock to keep them off of the wet, freezing ground. The webshooter on his wrist jammed as he pressed the button though, apparently damaged in the crash. “Ah shit. Nevermind.”
“Plan B it is.” Loki hopped from the metal beam he’d been standing on, into the freezing, mucky water. “This bog could go on for miles. The whole planet, maybe.” He turned his eyes back to the rubble of the ship. A large portion of it stuck out from the water and was nestled in a thicket of broken branches. “I think staying here is our best option,”
“You’re probably right.” Peter agreed, hopping down beside him, then sludging the several meters through the water to get to their new home for the next few hours or days. “Home sweet home.” Peter murmured as he climbed onto the metal beam.
“Hopefully lot for long.” Loki said, sitting beside him.
The sun began to slip below the horizon, leaving the already frigid temperature on the planet’s plummeting. Peter grabbed at his own arms and rubbed them, hoping the friction would warm him.
“Here.” Loki said, stripping off his green cape and handing it to Peter, who shook his head.
“It’s alright. Karen’s got a heater, I was just saving it.” He grinned and tapped at a button on the back of his neck. Electricity arced through the wiring of his suit, jolting him slightly, but after a moment they sparked themselves out with a pop. “Shit.” Peter said. “Heater’s broken too.”
“Then take it.” Loki tossed the cape at Peter, who wrapped it around his shoulders as he pulled his knees up to his chest. Thunder echoed in the distance. Loki felt a pang of homesickness at the sound of it, which he quickly tried to swallow
“This planet has thunder too? Cool.” Peter murmured. He turned his eyes to the sky to watch for the lightning like he used to do with May as a child.
Loki watched the sky too, but for different reasons. “Not cool if that storm makes it over here. It’s already freezing. We don’t need rain to complicate things.”
“We’ll be alright.” Peter nodded to himself. He’d already almost died when the ship first crashed. He figured it couldn’t get much worse than that. Loki said nothing.
X
That was seven hours ago. Peter had begun to shiver, even beneath Loki’s warm woollen cape. Loki put an arm around him, but immediately withdrew when Peter gasped.
“God, your skin is freezing, Loki!” He said through chattering teeth. “Here, take your cape back!” He pulled it from his shoulders but Loki held out a hand to stop him.
“Peter, I’m from Jotunheim. My skin is always like that, I don’t get cold.” Loki pulled the cape back around Peter’s shoulders, careful not to touch him directly. While he was at it, he shrugged off another layer and handed it to Peter.
“Man, I wish I was from Jotunheim.” Peter grumbled. Loki looked at him for a moment, wishing there was more he could do than just sit there and watch him shiver.
The extra layers helped for a few hours, warming Peter enough to allow him to carry on a conversation with Loki about nothing, as most conversations Peter had were. If it helped him keep his mind off of the cold, Loki didn’t care. He’d let him talk for hours. Days. In fact, sometimes when he stopped talking, Loki would suddenly remember the horrified look on the boy’s face when he was being crushed by the wreckage and thought he was going to die. He’d much rather listen to Peter’s ten thousandth story about Ned than ever see that again.
Peter’s temperature steadily began to decline again. This was not helped by the fact that the lightning storm they’d been watching decided to turn eastward and dump its heavy rains directly onto them. Peter’s suit still hadn’t quite dried from their brief trek through the water, and now that the rain was soaking it again, it left his skin shockingly cold, though rapidly becoming numb. He wondered what his skin must look like beneath the suit, especially his toes, which he couldn’t feel at all anymore, but he was too afraid to look.
Rain pelted Loki’s back as he gathered what little materials he had to build some sort of shelter around Peter and keep him relatively dry. When he was done he sat down beside him again—careful to keep his distance so as not to make him colder—and set about trying to build a fire.
“Y-you ever watch d-discovery channel?” Peter joked.
“I don’t know what that is.” Loki said. He rubbed his hands together and tried to conjure sparking magic, but even if he could he doubted any of the soaked logs from the bog would light. He gave up trying after just a few attempts, then looked up at Peter and felt a little sick to his stomach. The boy’s fingers were turning a frightening shade of purple at the tips. He had no more layers to take off before he’d be sitting there in his underwear, so he just sighed and watched Peter shiver.
“I’m sorry.” He said after a moment. Peter looked up.
“F-for what?”
Loki shifted uncomfortably. “I just wish there was more I could do besides sit here and watch you suffer.”
“I’m f-fine.” Peter insisted. “Tony’s c-coming soon.”
Loki wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t tell Peter this. Instead he just nodded and looked away. Bright green lightning arced across the sky, and even though Peter had officially lost sensation in both his toes and his fingers, he leaned forward to watch the storm anyway, eyes wide. “Whoa,” he whispered.
“Get back under the shelter, Peter. You’re going to get wet.” Loki chided. God he sounded like Tony. Peter obeyed but kept watching the lightning. “It’s no different than the storms on Midgard.” He pointed out.
“That’s why it’s s-so c-cool.” Peter responded, eyes still glued to the sky.
He watched Peter for a moment more before he too turned his eyes to the lightning storm, pulling his legs up to his chest. The air couldn’t be warmer than twenty degrees or so, but it didn’t even feel chilled against Loki’s ice-cold skin. Not even the rain had an effect on him. Guilt rose in him, watching Peter’s shivering become stronger and stronger. He assumed he’d only lasted this long because of his massively increased metabolism; it would take a lot longer to slow him down than a regular human.
A bright flash of lightning made Peter ooh quietly beside him. Thunder was quick to follow it, which brought back that same pang of homesickness from earlier. It made him colder than the rain did. Loki rested his chin on his knees and allowed himself, if only for a moment, to wish Thor was there. He told himself it was only so that Peter could have something warm to cling to, but he knew that wasn’t entirely true. Peter spoke then, tearing him from his thoughts.
“D-do you miss J-Jotunheim?”
Loki looked up. “I don’t remember it.” he said simply. “I was only an infant, I don’t remember anything about it or my real parents.”
“Oh.” Peter nodded. “I don’t r-eally remember my p-parents, either.”
Sometimes it was easy for Loki to forget that Peter was an orphan, too. It didn’t really seem like it sometimes; Peter had May. And Tony. And Steve and Thor and the entirety of the avengers. He wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just waited for Peter to continue, knowing he would. “I was a m-momma’s boy, apparently.” He laughed shakily.
Loki raised an eyebrow. “A what?”
“Like, when y-your mom is your favorite? Well, n-not your favorite b-but—“ He stooped when Loki began to chuckle.
“I think I know what you mean.” He said. “I was close with my mother as well. Well—my adoptive mother.”
“Frigga, right?” Peter asked.
“Yes.” The ghost of a smile crossed Loki’s face. “She wasn’t my real mother, but we were close. Like you are with May.”
“Well, w-wasn’t Odin k-kind of a dick?” Peter asked, supervising Loki into turning and frowning at him. “N-no offense.” He added quickly.
Loki laughed. “None taken. You’re right, I suppose.” He paused briefly. “My mother taught me everything I know about magic. She was incredibly powerful, more powerful than I could ever dream to be.”
“Wow.” Peter murmured. “I wish I c-could have met her.”
“I do too.” Loki said. Now that he thought about it, Frigga was a lot more like May than he’d thought when he’d first drawn the comparison. He told Peter this. “They would have liked each other, I think.”
Peter thought about that, thought about what it must’ve been like for Loki to lose her. Similar, he assumed, to his loss of Ben. Except she was all Loki had, aside from Thor. He scooted closer to Loki even though it felt like sitting next to a block of ice. “I bet they would have.” he agreed in a quiet voice.
He glanced at Peter. He was so much like May, and by extension, so much like Frigga. They shared a certain optimism he’d always admired, mostly because he’d never been able to muster it in himself. Peter had nearly died mere hours ago, was now currently freezing to death, and yet it seemed he was content to watch a lightning storm and chat with him, of all people. In the brief times they’d met, May had been the same way, not shying away from him despite his past actions, but also exuding a no-nonsense energy that was just so Frigga. Loki made a mental note that, if they ever made it out of this freezing, putrid bog, he’d spend more time with May.
Another crack of thunder echoed across the swamp. Loki sighed and turned to look at Peter, ready to continue their conversation, but he stopped when he caught sight of him. His shivering had slowed significantly over the few minutes of silence that had followed the discussion of Frigga and May. He seemed to struggle to keep his grip on his knees, and when he turned to look at Loki, his eyes were heavy-lidded and lips blue.
“Peter,” Loki said, because he couldn’t think of much else to say.
“Mm f-fine.” Peter murmured. He leaned his head down against Loki’s shoulder before Loki could move himself out of the way.
“Peter, no, I’m too cold, remember?”
Loki shrugged Peter away from his shoulder, but his head fell back down onto him after only a moment. “You don’t feel cold to me.” he said.
“I know I don’t, that’s the problem.” He grabbed Peter by the shoulders and sat him upright, then pulled the several layers of fabric a little tighter around his torso. Peter’s fingers weren’t moving properly on their own anymore. For Peter’s lightning-fast metabolism to slow this much, his core temperature must’ve dropped more than he was able to compensate. That much was clear in the way Peter’s eyes kept sliding closed.
“ 'm tired.” he whispered. He swayed backwards as if he was moments from tipping over.
“I know you are, little spider.” He didn’t know much about midgardian biology, but that couldn’t possibly be a good sign. “But I need you to stay awake for me, alright? Tell me another one of your stories.” He could feel his magics returning, but they weren’t nearly strong enough yet to teleport them out of there. He needed more time.
Peter nodded. He couldn’t quite seem to make much sense of what Loki was saying, as if his brain was lost in a haze. His voice sounded nice though, deep and resonant. It stopped after a moment though, and someone began shaking him. He heard his name called and realized his eyes had been closed. “Hmm?” he blinked and found Loki staring worriedly into his face.
“Tell me a story, Peter.” Loki commanded.
“Uh…” Peter tried to think of one but came up short. “Can’t think.” he just said.
Fear began to rise up in Loki’s chest in a way it previously hadn’t. “ Try .” He pressed.
Peter managed to pick his head up and formulate a few words about something Ned had said to him once, but towards the end the of sentence he began repeating himself until it became a nonsensical jumble of words.
Loki swore and shook him again. “Peter? Peter! Stay awake!” He groaned and said nothing else, falling backwards against the metal wall of their shelter. His eyes slid shut and stayed that way.
“Damn it.” Loki hissed. He was going to need to find some way to get them to a warmer place or Peter would surely die. The rainstorm by then had died down, leaving the bog water several inches higher than it had been. But Loki was tired of sitting and watching Peter die. “Come on, little spider.” He murmured, hooking his arms beneath Peter’s knees and shoulders, lifting him from the shelter, and trudging into the mud, higher now, coming up to his thighs. “We’re getting you out of here.”
With Peter in his arms, Loki walked. He walked until the chilled water soaked through his boots and into his skin, leaving them raw and aching. He walked for what felt like hours. Every so often he stopped and hold his ear against Peter’s chest to listen to his breathing. And make sure he was still doing it.
Lucky him, this planet apparently had leeches. He kept going though, searching for dry land to make a fire on, even if he had to stop every few minutes and pull the slimy things from his legs. He never stopped though, keeping Peter close to his chest. His breathing checks became more and more frequent as Peter’s breaths slowed. He talked to him as he waded through the mud, even knowing Peter couldn’t hear him. Loki wasn’t sure if he was doing it for Peter or for himself.
“My mother tried to teach Thor magic, but it never really stuck.” He was saying. His boot briefly stuck in the mud, but after a bit of yanking he managed to dislodge it with a wet pop. “I wouldn’t say I was her favorite , but--” He trailed off as he noticed what appeared to be a dark embankment just on the horizon. Stepping a few meters closer, he realized the water level was now down to his knees.
“Peter! We made it.” Loki said, a grin on his face as he jogged up the bank to dry land, the first he’d seen since they’d landed. The brush and foliage there was still wet from the rain, but the leaves of the trees above them had saved a lot of them from the rain, meaning he just might be able to make a fire.
“Wait here, little spider.” he murmured quickly. He gently laid Peter down on the bank--his muscles were rigid now, his eyes half open but staring at nothing--and set about gathering kindling. “We’re going to be alright now, see?” He produced a few sparks from his hands, even knowing it would push back their departure time, but if it saved Peter’s life, he didn’t care.
Fire crackled to life on the dry-ish twigs, which Loki grabbed with his bare hands and moved toward Peter, so relieved he laughed aloud. “See?” he said, delighted. Peter didn’t react, which wasn’t particularly surprising, but Loki decided it was about time for a breathing check anyway. “We’ll get you warm, don’t worry.” he murmured as he leaned down to listen for Peter’s breathing, an action that had become so routine he hardly remembered why he was doing it in the first place.
Until he realized he couldn’t hear Peter’s breathing.
Loki pulled back and looked Peter in the face. His eyes were half open, staring at nothing. His pupils were dilated and didn’t react to the light of the fire, and worst of all, he lay completely still. His chest didn’t move an inch.
“Peter?” Loki called, grabbing him by the arms and trying not to immediately panic. Peter was covered in several layers, he told himself. He was still breathing, he just couldn’t see it. He was fine. Loki ripped the layers off to watch for movement. His stomach dropped, fear immediately blooming into full-blown terror.
“No, no no no, no .” he begged. “Peter, wake up!” Loki shook him hard by the shoulders. “Peter, please don’t do this, we’ve got fire now, Peter, it’s alright!” He was met with silence. Loki shook his head, mostly to himself, maybe to Peter, maybe some higher being; at that point he didn’t care.
“ Damn it, Peter! Wake up, please!”
A strange whirring sound cut through the indifferent calls of the forest animals around him. It droned louder and louder, closer and closer, until Loki realized with a skipping heart that it was a ship. Tony’s ship. “Peter, do you hear that?” His voice broke on the last word and for once he didn’t care. “It’s Tony! Please, wake up--”
A bright floodlight suddenly illuminated the forest and shouting voices met his ears. It was Tony and Thor. He should have been glad they had arrived, but his chest filled with dread and anguish. How was he supposed to tell Tony that he’d let Peter die? He’d rather die in this swamp with him than face Tony.
Thor was the first to step from the ship, his face shining with joy and relief. Loki grabbed Peter’s body and held it tightly, no longer caring that his chest was beginning to heave with sobs. “Brother! Peter! Thank Odin!” Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, who didn’t react to being touched, eyes still locked on Peter’s body. Thor’s skin against his burned like fire as he pulled him up to a standing position and pulled him into the ship.
He couldn’t speak, could hardly even move one foot in front of the other. Somehow he made it onto the ship, where Tony was waiting. He couldn’t look at him. The moment Thor let go of him, he fell to his knees. He kept Peter clutched to his chest.
“It’s okay now.” Someone said above him. He raised his eyes to find Tony bending down to pull Peter from his arms. He didn’t know yet. He couldn’t see Peter’s pallid face and unblinking eyes. Loki let him go.
“I--I couldn’t--” he managed. He felt Thor’s hand on his shoulder. Every eye in the ship was on him. “I couldn’t--Tony, I’m so sorry--”
Tony was laying Peter onto a bench at the back of the ship, his hand on the side of his face. Loki watched as the same horror he felt began to light Tony’s features. He took a step back and put a hand over his mouth. “Bruce--” he choked after a second. “Bruce! Help!”
The others around them slowly realized what had happened too. Steve gasped and stumbled backwards, Thor stood from Loki’s side and gripped a nearby chair for support, the sight of Peter lifeless making him nauseous. Bruce jogged to stand next to Tony, who just stared with wide, horrified eyes.
“Step back, Tony.” Bruce said in a low voice. Tony stiffly obeyed and Bruce replaced him by Peter’s side. Helplessly, Tony turned and looked at Loki.
Loki averted his eyes and waited to be screamed at, struck, shot, whatever Tony wanted to do to him. He’d deserve worse. No one spoke for several agonizing seconds, each of them trying to reconcile the fact that Peter was gone. To Loki’s surprise, it was not Tony who spoke next.
“Wait--” It was Bruce, still kneeling by the body. “Holy hell , Tony!” he shouted after a moment. “He’s not dead!”
Tony whipped around. “What?!” Bruce was already moving, finding the first aid kit in the ship and bringing it back to Peter.
“I said he’s not dead! He’s alive!” Bruce shouted. “Steve, get me that monitor! Thor, I need you to warm this in your hands, Tony, help me start an IV!”
The lot of them rushed to oblige Bruce, leaving a shocked Loki kneeling in the center of the ship. Bruce hooked Peter up to a cardiac monitor and found, while the rhythm was irregular and warped, Peter’s heart was still beating.
He was up on his feet in an instant, watching the monitor with awe. “But--he--”
“Loki, bring me that tubing!” Bruce ordered. Loki stiffly obeyed, deciding to postpone his shock for later.
They stabilized his heart rhythm and brought back his steady breathing while on the ship. The heroes took turns warming bags of saline to run through Peter’s IV to raise his temperature back to normal. By the time they got to the medbay, Peter already looked miles better than he had just hours prior, the color back in his face and the tips of his extremities. Loki did not once leave his side.
Once Peter was stabilized, Bruce tried to turn his attentions to him, but Loki had none of it, telling him to focus on Peter, which Bruce eventually obliged, if slightly begrudgingly. Thor tried to get him to accept the medical help, but he refused. They kept their focus on Peter even though he no longer really needed it. Loki stared so long his eyes went unfocused.
“You alright?” a voice jarred him. He blinked and turned to see Tony standing beside him, his jaw tight.
Loki took a deep, ragged breath. “Fine.” he answered shortly.
Tony scanned him, remembering the positively broken look on the god’s face when they’d first found him. He’d never seen that look on his face before. “Bruce says he’ll be fine, and he’ll wake up soon.”
He nodded stiffly but said nothing. Tony leaned against the bedrail where Loki was sitting (having been sequestered there on Bruce’s orders). “Thank you.” Tony said after a brief pause. “For what you did for him.”
Loki laughed bitterly. “I did nothing for him. I watched him die and did nothing.”
“You saved his life, Loki.” Tony said. “You kept him alive.”
“Hardly.”
Tony sighed. “You did everything you could. And here’s here. He’s alright. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”
Loki tore his eyes away from Peter to look at Tony, whose eyes were nothing but sincere. “When we first landed, Peter was crushed by the wreckage. I had to use my magic to save him, or he would die right there. He was terrified , Stark. I’ve never seen something so horrible in my life.” His voice caught in his throat. “I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what?”
“Care.” Loki said. “Care so much for him. I thought he was dead, Stark, I--” he trailed off, shocked by his own admission, then shook his head, deciding it didn’t matter.
Peter groaned from his hospital bed, which prompted the both of them to leap into a standing position and run to his bed. They called his name several times, and after a few moments Peter blinked his eyes open and looked up at them.
“Tony?”
“Hey, kid.” Tony reached down and hugged Peter tightly. His skin was warm now, his eyes bright and happy . Loki watched them, so overcome with emotion he couldn’t speak. “You feelin’ alright?”
“Yeah, I’m--Loki!” Peter’s eyes widened. “Where’s Loki? Is he--?”
“I’m here.” Loki murmured. Peter grinned and pushed himself up in bed to reach for him. Loki smiled slightly and obliged him, letting the boy throw his arms around his neck.
“Are you okay, Loki? What happened?”
Loki sat beside Peter on the bed and let Tony explain the situation to Peter, who didn’t even appear upset by the fact that he’d nearly died for the second time in 12 hours. In fact, he looked much more concerned for Loki, and he refused to let go of the god’s hand during the entirety of Tony’s story and Bruce’s subsequent assessments. Even as the other heroes came to pay Peter their visits, Peter didn’t let go. He chatted and joked, unmitigable optimism shining in his bright brown eyes.
The crowd in medbay slowly thinned out until it was just Loki, Tony, and Peter, who was slowly falling asleep again after the exhaustion of the last few hours. Loki and Tony sat beside one another to watch him sleep. Loki still couldn’t tear his eyes away from Peter’s chest, still a little amazed that there was still breath in his lungs.
He was more amazed that Peter’s spirits were still not dampened. By all accounts the kid should never want to train with the avengers ever again in his life. It was incredible that he’d even want to be in the same room as the rest of them. He’d never in his life met someone so forgiving, so trusting. Loki’s heart ached but he smiled anyway.
“This is how.” Tony said suddenly.
Loki looked up. “What?”
“ This .” Tony nodded at Peter’s pale face, smiling even as he slept. “This is how we manage to keep caring so much, even when he goes and nearly gets himself killed every five days.”
“I...don’t know if I can watch something like that happen to him again.” Loki confessed. His voice was quiet but it echoed in the dark, mostly empty room.
“Sure you can.” Tony said. “Because when he gets through it--and trust, me, the kid will get through it--you get to watch something like this.” he nodded at Peter again.
Loki hadn’t known Peter when Thanos had killed him. He thought watching Peter almost freeze to death was bad, he couldn’t even imagine what Tony had gone through with Peter, having been there from the beginning. He’d probably had to watch Peter go through things ten times worse than this. But he was right. These little moments of peace, the knowledge that Peter would still wake up the next morning just as naive and enthusiastic as he’d ever been, that made it worth it. Seeing his bright smiles that lit up the entire room, hearing his goofy, snorting laugh at one of his own jokes, that made it worth it.
Loki was quiet for a long time, then finally smiled fondly. He’d never in a thousand years tell Tony this, but he was inclined to agree.