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Oswald looked at Jim expectantly, their business was sorted, and after all, Jim had made it very apparent he and Oswald were not friends. Oswald would still like to believe otherwise, however, it was clear, despite the odd familiarity that'd developed between them, they weren't ever going to see eye to eye. It would be strange and pointless for them to sit down and have a conversation about how their lives were going. Which was why Oswald was surprised when Jim didn’t immediately leave, and instead asked him, sounding almost concerned, “So you and Nygma are…” His eyes flicked upwards as if searching his mind for a word to describe the relationship, “Partners, again?”
Jim’s tone was mostly softened by the tiredness that came with running Haven, but he couldn’t help but spit ‘Nygma’ ever so slightly and the way he spits ‘Nygma’ differed from the way he’d frustratedly scowl, ‘Penguin’- there was much more disdain. When Jim addressed him it often felt more like he was being chided for getting in trouble yet again; Oswald was always trying to make a deal, collect on a favour, but he didn’t want to do any serious harm to Jim really because at the end of the day they were useful to each other. Edward was, for the most part, a different story.
“If he and I are ever at odds again, there will be no going behind each other’s backs.”
Doubtfully, Jim drawled out, “And you trust him to honour that?”
Oswald paused, looking contemplative for just a moment before firmly answering, “Yes. I do.”
“Oswald.” He sounded serious, drumming his fingers against the table absentmindedly, “Nygma is—”
“He’s the only person that sees me for who I am and accepts that person,” He echoed Ed’s own words, “And I see him for himself as well” A pause, “We’re meant for each other.”
It must have been Oswald’s choice of words in his last sentence, that caused Jim’s eyebrows to quirk up suspiciously, analysing that phrase. It was one that in some contexts seemed to carry more romantic connotations, and despite it all, Oswald would be lying if he claimed he didn’t still love Ed like that. His hope for anything to come of his affections had long died though, entertaining the thought was merely hopeless ideation. Even more vitally perhaps, it was a big weakness just waiting to be taken advantage of, and so he pushed those feelings way way down and tried his best to tear his adoring gaze away from Ed when he noticed he’d let it linger for slightly too long.
Jim tried again, “It’s just that he isn’t the most trustworthy,” He paused briefly when Oswald’s features morphed in to a scowl, he would dispute that- maybe Jim couldn’t trust Ed but what he and Ed had, while possibly confusing to outsiders was unique. Just because Ed generally wasn’t trustworthy, didn’t mean Oswald couldn’t trust him.
Jim continued, undeterred by Oswald’s discernible disagreement, “I never know where you two stand with each other, and when I think I do it’s already changed…” ‘I’m concerned for you’, was left unspoken, probably because Captain James Gordon holding concern for a man with such an extensive criminal record would be frowned upon.
“You don’t understand, Jim.”
“Then help me understand. What happened between the two of you back when you were Mayor because it was never clarified to me, all I know is you disappeared, and it was his fault.” The words sounded harsh, and Jim shook his head subtly, adding in a softer tone, “You can tell me.”
"Well, I…” Oswald trailed off, he was always refusing to be vulnerable, promising he wouldn’t let it happen again and then turning on his heel and betraying himself. Enough people betrayed him as it was, he didn’t need to do them a favour and join in and yet here he was teetering on the edge of doing it all over again. He instead glowered, “You know Jim, you seemed to have no issue with handing me over to him for a second time when you knew what he was planning to do to me, and you didn’t care to ask what’d happened between us then.”
“I was infected, and the city…”
Oswald scoffed. In the past few years, the level of trust he was willing to extend to anyone had dwindled. Despite once being the person Oswald trusted, recently the most he and Jim had were flimsily formed alliances reserved for whenever a greater evil arrived and those weren’t worth much.
“And I’m curious now because you seemed at each other's throats constantly but now you’re friends again and it’s strange. You were so… antagonistic and now you’re just not again, why was that?”
“It’s Gotham, alliances shift all the time,” Oswald said evasively.
“But we’re old friends, aren’t we?”
Briefly, Oswald was surprised, almost touched, and then, it was his own turn to look doubtful. “That’s a low blow, James.”
It seemed all his relationships were defined by him caring far more than the other party. Jim had never seemed all that thrilled when Oswald would call him a friend; all those favours and deals seemed to mean something different to him, they were simply transactions. Maybe they had something of a symbiotic relationship but regardless, Jim would still make it blatant how agitated he was with Oswald at every turn.
“I mean it,” Jim said, as Oswald rolled his eyes, although he didn’t tell him to leave quite yet, so he continued cautiously, “I’m just curious about some things.”
“Such as?”
“Well… Why you two fell out because you and Ed… I was wondering, were you two…” he glanced away, making that almost cartoonish expression he always wore when he was disconcerted and in over his head, “It seemed when you were mayor that he and you were…”
Realising what he was getting at, the criminal decided to put Jim out of his awkward fumbling misery, “It was very one-sided.” His words were sharp, and he pressed his lips into a firm line.
Jim's shoulders slumped subtly, a soft sigh escaping him as if he was relieved his assumption wasn't entirely incorrect, he was unsurprised, which Oswald supposed he really couldn’t really blame him for. Jim’s exposure to Oswald and Edward’s relationship had been patchy and probably puzzling to observe through the few vignettes he’d experienced. It wasn’t shocking that Jim would have certain suspicions, with the two constantly gazing at each other in respect and awe and in Oswald’s case something more.
“You just seemed very… fond of him.”
“You see, others could tell how I felt.” It came out more bitter than he’d expected, Oswald had forgiven Ed for everything in their past, after all, he trusted him. Yet, Ed’s obliviousness, the way fate chose to play a trick on him with whatever that was with Isabella, his own foolishness; it all still hurt to think about when he really did let himself think about it. Maybe skimming over the thoughts briefly in passing didn’t do much to upset him, but if he truly dredged them up and brewed on them, those moments had never stopped being painful. Just because he’d forgiven, which he didn’t do often anyway- it was an exception he’d made for Ed because well, it was Ed, didn’t mean he’d forgotten.
Jim didn’t speak, quietly studying Oswald while he was lost in his own thoughts, though when he glanced upwards, the detective nodded, silently urging Oswald to continue if he wished to. Despite the hostile stare, he was casting in Jim's direction, it was almost appealing to talk about it all now it was in the past. Revisiting those feelings afterward seemed different when they weren’t still raw, intense, and suffocating. Yes, it still hurt, but it wasn’t like a fresh injury, instead, it resembled the ache of an old one that’d never quite properly healed, the kind of soreness he’d become all too accustomed to coping with. He wouldn’t even have the desire to talk about all this if Jim Gordon hadn’t hung around and dug up the sorrow he’d tried to bury, but now it was shambling through his psyche and he had to let it out. Whether he could entrust it to Jim was questionable, though Jim was lower on the list of individuals he’d imagine using his emotional turmoil against him, and it wasn’t like he could discuss it with Ed. If his current scheme went to plan, he’d hopefully be gone from Gotham too soon to face the possible consequences of placing these secrets in Jim’s hands.
“You see, I finally realised that I lo— what it was that I was feeling for him, I’d been preparing myself to tell him, and then this woman, Isabelle, showed up.” The name tasted vile in his mouth, and it wasn’t even the right one.
Jim’s face was set in a still neutral expression, but Oswald still caught the way his eyebrows twitched up in sympathy. At least there was an attempt to mask it.
“And he tells me he’s in love after knowing her for a few hours, it was like the world was playing a cruel joke.”
“I understand,” Jim offered, “When I went to finally see Lee again, I was too late, she was with Mario. It didn’t feel like that long had passed, but while she was gone, she’d gotten engaged. It seemed like the universe was laughing at me.”
Oswald mumbled, “At least it didn’t happen overnight.” When Jim quirked an eyebrow up questioningly Oswald nodded, a resentful smile gracing his lips, “No, that wasn’t an exaggeration. A few hours. She was a dead ringer for his dead ex, and she liked riddles, so I had no chance.”
“That’s a bit— No.” He corrected himself, “Very creepy.”
“That’s what I thought!” Oswald exclaimed, exasperated, throwing his arms up into the air expressively.
“And fast…”
A sad nod was all Oswald mustered in response. Edward always seemed to fall fast. Oswald had been there the entire time, slowly sinking deep in love with him and then Ed waltzed in and announced he’d fallen hard for someone he barely knew; it truly did seem that the world wanted to make a mockery of him, specifically.
The detective’s expression darkened, “I screwed it up really bad when Lee found someone else though, I killed her fiancé, at least you didn’t…” he trailed off. Oswald no longer seemed indignant and had averted his widened eyes. As the silence hung heavy in the air recognition flickered across Jim’s features as he puzzled together that yes, that’s also exactly what Oswald did. “Oh.”
But at the end of the day, Oswald’s motivation was envy, no matter how he tried to spin it and what excuses he conjured, the two just weren’t comparable. “It was for a far less noble reason than yourself, I'm not proud of it and besides, you’ve got her back now,” he finished resentfully.
And yes, he also had Ed back but where Jim had rekindled his relationship to Lee as her lover, he and Ed were friends and that’s all they’d ever be. He genuinely liked being friends again with Ed. It felt good to be on the same side again, it was exhausting having to hate someone you also loved that dearly. Though he still mutely longed for more, he’d still rather be friends than enemies, initially, he'd thought hating Ed would make that unrequited mess easier to cope with. It didn’t.
“Lee was mad for the longest time though, understandably,” Jim attempted, “I guess Ed was too, huh?” It was a poor endeavour at humour, awkward and uncomfortable. Jim’s flat delivery only worsened it. Everything they were discussing Oswald was sensitive about but that, that was the sorest spot of all. There’d at least been some semblance of mirth before, but he couldn’t scrounge up any for that dismal day.
“Well he shot me and left me for dead in the docks, so I suppose you could say he was mad.” Oswald’s tone had soured once more, causing Jim to wince, and his right hand had subconsciously drifted to his abdomen, tightly seizing the fabric there, as if it’d stop the flashes of lucid memory bleeding out. The stark paleness of Oswald's headquarters suddenly didn't seem so opulent and instead, the light marble reminded him of the bleak grey sky at the pier. He shivered involuntarily.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that’s what happened.”
“And he made sure that I knew he didn’t love me.” He despised how his voice cracked ever so slightly at the far too vivid memory; Ed rubbing the salt in his wounds with his words had stung far more than the cold briny seawater biting at the fresh bullet hole in his stomach.
“I’m really sorry Oswald.” For all the romantic drama Jim seemed to find himself in on a regular basis, he looked unsure; out of his depth.
Oswald had allowed himself a brief moment of being pathetic and wallowing in the vitriolic history he and Edward shared, but it was history at the end of the day. He needed to remind himself of that. He and Edward were working together again, and no, it wasn’t the ideal scenario, but Oswald had made peace with the fact it’d never be the ideal scenario. He set Jim with an icy glare. How he'd tricked Oswald into embarrassing himself like that he couldn't decipher.
“It’s in the past and I forgive him.”
Which returned Jim to his original point, his voice dripping with scepticism, “And you really think that’s wise?”
Maybe this was all a ploy to remind him why he and Ed were enemies in the first place, an effort from Jim to divide his own potential enemies, well that certainly wouldn’t do, “If this was an attempt to cause Ed and I to turn on each other, it won’t work. I said it was in the past.”
“I wouldn’t do that Oswald, but if one of you is going to be running around Gotham, I’d rather it be you and if he knows how much you care—”
“He doesn’t. I try and do something nice, like I don’t know, save his life, and he acts like I have some ulterior motive.”
“—He could use it against you.” Jim finished.
In a voice nearing a shout, “I’m not going to let him. I’m not a fool Jim!” Oswald balled his fists at his sides, “Perhaps this makes you think I am, but I’m not.”
Jim’s expression was unconvinced, “Do you still—”
Oswald raised a hand, “Don’t.” Jim opened his mouth to speak once more, but Oswald stopped him again, “I think you should leave. This,” He drew out the word, gesticulating his hands outwards dramatically, “Was a mistake.”
Jim slowly stood up, casting a concerned gaze over Oswald, seeming unsure if he really did want him to leave. Oswald loathed it and he loathed how he was now sat restlessly, unsure what to do with his hands, his own gaze fitfully flicking from side to side much like when he'd first been anxious to tell Ed how he felt. He'd been plunged deep back into those feelings, the cathartic quality of recounting how shitty it all made him feel had worn off and all the while, Jim continued to hover. Oswald was just about done with him treating him as if he was stupid and acting all solicitous over him now, “Well?” he loudly prodded him once more.
Jim inhaled as if he was going to try challenging Oswald once more, before his frame sagged, and a defeated sigh escaped his lips, “Goodbye Penguin.”
Oswald didn’t dignify him with a response, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair, haughtily turning his head to the side. He only looked forward again when the slow patter of Jim’s shoes told him he was walking away, proceeding to burn holes in the back of the detective’s head with his irate glower. Honestly, it was demeaning for Jim to walk in and pretend to be concerned.
Now, even worse his thoughts were swimming with Ed. At least it wasn’t Ed he’d bared his heart to, because he doubted Ed would understand his lingering affection. Ed seemed to fall fast and often; all the while Oswald was still hung up on only him, admittedly still as in love as he was back then. He liked to think him and Ed being enemies again wasn’t an inevitability but if it came to it, Ed looking him in the eye as he stabbed him in the heart, as he’d promised, would hurt far more if Ed was aware of the continued effect he had over him.
Leaning forward, his elbows sliding across the table, Oswald groaned. When he met with Ed later, he was going to need to pay extra attention to ensure his yearning gaze not wander for too long.