Chapter Text
A world tour isn’t as easy to pull off as some people might think. Hours of planning and rehearsal go into the preparation. Backup dancers and hotels need to be booked in advance. Most importantly the ones performing on the tour need to be in their best condition.
The time was 10:45pm and all the members of BTS were gathered in the practice room. All of their bodies were dripping with sweat as they hit the precise and intense choreography for idol. The song can to a finish and some of them stayed put on the ground, lying on their backs and panting.
Their dance instructor clapped his hands together and spoke loudly, “alright everyone! That’s pretty good for tonight. We should all head out soon.”
A chorus of grunt came from all seven of them as their instructor grabbed his bag and left with one final wave and grin.
They all stayed like that for a few minutes more, too tired to function. They had been at it since 4pm so to say they were tired was an understatement. The first to get up and start collecting their belongings was Yoongi.
“If you guys don’t hurry I’m going to leave without you. I’m tired as hell and there’s a bed at home with my name on it.”
Giggles escaped the lips of Jimin as he also stood up to grab his things, “okay I think we get it.”
Jimin grabbed his bag and stuffed his phone into his pocket. When he looked back the remaining members were all already up and also preparing to leave the studio. Everyone except a certain Kim Taehyung that is. With a huff Jimin walked over to his best friend and soulmate and gave him a playful kick.
“Come on Taetae you can sleep in the car.”
Taehyung had his arm covering his eyes and he grumbled out something Jimin couldn’t hear.
“Huh? Couldn’t quite hear you from all the way down there.” Jimin crouched down next to him with a mischievous grin.
The younger removed his arm from his sweaty face and looked up to his friend above him. “I said-“ Taehyung was cut as he was attacked by small hands ticking his sides. He squealed in surprise and couldn’t contain his laughter as the assault continued. If Jimin thought he was too tired to fight back he was dead wrong. Taehyung snorted as he tried shooting away the others hands. Jimin laughed along with him as he skillfully availed the others weak attempted at revenge. They filed around for a bit longer until someone spoke up returning them back to reality.
“So um I’m pretty sure Yoongi hyung was serious about leaving us here because he just grabbed the car keys and ran out.” Jeongguk was staring at the duo with a smile on his face, “I would hurry if I were your two.” With that he took off out of the room.
Jimin quickly jumped up and realized the rest of the members had also already filled out of the room.
“Heck! Hurry and get your things Tae, I’ll make sure they don’t actually leave us here. Which I doubt they would but you never know.” Jimin hurriedly chases after their maknae.
Taehyung now being the only one in the practice room sighed and forced his sore limbs to standing. He grabbed his phone and water bottle then turned to leave. He shut off the lights and headed down the hall towards the exit. The building was quite peaceful as he made his way to the front. Even though he was tired, he still managed to carry a smile on his face whilst humming a song he couldn’t remember the name of. By the time he reached the front he knew he would be getting an earful from his members. No use avoiding it when it’s inevitable. He opened the front door of the company and made sure to lock it. Turning around he spotted them pulled up to the curb. He smiled to himself in relief although he knew they wouldn’t leave him here alone it still had worried him. Taehyung climbed into the backseat of the car next to Jimin and secured his seatbelt. The car gently pulled away after the clock was heard from his buckle. His eyes fell shut as the awaited lecture that came from their eldest Jin.
“You know I thought Yoongi was actually going to leave us here when I ran out after him. He had already started the car and was about to leave.”
“I wasn’t going to I’m just tired Jin hyung. Also I’m not that heartless. Yeah I thought about making all of you walk but I didn’t so there.” Yoongi had a cute pout gracing his features and an innocent glare directed at Jin. This made Jin chuckle, “of course you wouldn’t Yoongles your too much of a softie.”
Yoongi sighed and decided to give up on fighting Jin on this one. He didn’t have the energy to anyways.
“On another note,” Jin turned from the passenger seat to look at Taehyung, “I know you're tired but you took like 10 more minutes to get out here after Jimin did Taetae.”
Taehyung opened his eyes and gave an apologetic look to the oldest, “sorry hyung I didn’t realize I took that long.”
Jin sighed and shook his head while he faced forewords again. “It’s as good thing your so cute.”
Jimin giggled besides Taehyung then proceeded to rest his head on the younger’s shoulder.
A short 10 minute car ride later and they’ve reached their apartment. Everyone collected their belongings and filed out. Taehyung didn’t hesitate to rush this time, he was exhausted after all. He was the first to the door but realized he didn’t bring his keys. With a groan he leaned back against the wall next to the door to wait for the next member to unlock their home.
Luckily Namjoon was the next member to join him by the door. Taehyung looked at him questioningly when he leaned next to him.
Namjoon smiled innocently at the younger, “lost my keys.”
Taehyung shook his head, of course he did.
Hoseok was the next to join them and good for them he was always prepared. He whipped out his set of keys and jammed them into the deadbolt twisting it until it clicked. Then he proceeded to do the same with the bottom lock. Once that one clicked as well he turned the doorknob and swung open the door. Hobi walked inside and slipped his shoes off followed by Taehyung who carelessly flew his shoes off somewhere and rushed to his shared room with Namjoon.
As soon as he opened his bedroom door he dropped his water bottle somewhere and flopped onto his bed without caring to shower or change into clean pajamas. He snuggled under his covers and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly. Unfortunately about 3 minutes later Namjoon walked into the room.
“Not gonna shower Tae?”
The younger turned his head to their leader, he opened his eyes and shook his head. “M’tired,” he whines and pouted up at the older.
This evokes some laughter from Namjoon as he shook his head and started getting ready for bed himself. “Don’t complain to me when you and your bed smell like sweat tomorrow.”
Taehyung huffed and quickly sat up on his bed. His eyes were dazed as he threw his covers off then clambered around the room to grab some pajamas. He threw them his bed then stripped off his clothing except for his boxers.
“Has anyone else gotten in the shower yet?” He gazed in Namjoons direction as the older shrugged.
Taehyung grabbed his clean clothes and hurried out of the room. He walked towards the shared bathroom and threw open the door nearly hitting Yoongi in the face as he was about to exit.
“Woah there! You almost hit me with the door.” Yoongi looked shocked and his hands were clenched over his heart.
“Sorry hyung…” Taehyung smiled at him tiredly and stepped aside so he could exit.
Once he did Tae walked into the bathroom. He locked the door and then grabbed a towel from the closet in the bathroom. After that he placed it into the countertop along with his clothes.
He climbed into the shower once he was fully undressed and turned on the water. The warm felt nice on all of his sore muscles. He sighed rested his head against the wall, he didn’t want to move but he knew the rest of his members would be upset if he took too long. He reluctantly washed his hair and then his body. He stayed under the water a few minutes longer then shut it off. He climbed out and wrapped himself in his towel and slowly began to dry off and get dressed. After he brushed his teeth then followed that with his skincare. When he was finally done he rubbed the towel on his hair and headed back to his room.
Once he got back to his bedroom he tossed the used towel into his laundry pile and climbed back into bed.
Namjoon looked at him from his own bed and smirked in victory, “I knew you’d give in. Jin hyung is making some belated dinner if you want some.”
Taehyung just shook his head and sunk deeper into his blankets. Namjoon laughed and got up from his own bed and left the room himself.
Tae squeezed his eyes shut and rolled onto his side so his back was facing the door.
He stayed in that position for a good 20 minutes before he rolled into his back again. He clutched his spare pillow tightly whilst hurrying his face deep into it. He stayed like that until he heard Namjoon come back into the room. The elder closed the door as softly as he could and then climbed into his own bed. Taehyung stayed still and took deep breaths to try and lull himself to sleep but it didn’t seem to be working. Eventually small snore could be heard from besides him. He sat up and stared at Namjoon who was sound asleep. Tae sighed and reached for his phone. Maybe playing on it for a while would help him get to sleep.
He propped his pillows up behind him and unlocked his phone.
Taehyung clicked through different things mostly just seeing memes and things his friends have shared around. He finally found his was onto Twitter and was scrolling through the trending tags. His eyes widened a little as he saw the #2 trending was #yourperfecttaehyung. He smiled as he clicked the tag to see why it was circulating in the first place. There was an overflow of kind words about him and tons of videos and pictures of him as well. He kept scrolling until he came across something that made his smile falter. He had opened one tweet that was talking about how he had an amazing smile and could brighten everyone’s mood. He had scrolled down a little further to only find someone had embedded the originally tweet that seemed to have caused the hashtag to start.
Taehyungs frown deepened as he clicked the original thread and began to read.
He couldn’t help but to keep reading what people said about him under the original tweet. Lots were commenting on his sloppy dancing and weak vocals. Some people were saying he didn’t deserve to be apart of BTS when he only performed and acted like a child. Taehyung knew he should have stopped reading these mean and harsh words but once he started he couldn’t seem to stop. Tears stained his cheeks as he reached the bottom of the comments. His bottom lip was sucked in between his teeth to prevent any sobs from escaping. Carelessly he tossed his phone onto the ground and curled up into his pillow. Small sobs came from him as he shoved his face deep into the plush comfort. He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could to prevent his own bad thoughts from growing.
Eventually the young idol cried himself to sleep only having thoughts of how he should improve himself and what if he really is holding back his members.
The next morning everyone was up and getting ready no later than 7am. Everyone except for Taehyung. He had been awake since 5am but couldn’t seem to muster up the energy to force himself to get up. Ever since last nights adventure on social media his mind kept supplying him with self deprecating thoughts that kept spiraling out of control. He tried his best to go back to sleep but everytime he closed his eyes he felt alone and afraid. Taheyung closed his eyes when he heard his bedroom door open. Soft footsteps could be heard and only stopped at his bed.
“Come on Taetae it’s time to get up.” The cheery sing song voice of Hoseok rang through the air.
The radiant ball of sunshine leaned down and placed a loving kiss to the youngers forehead.
“Come on, Jin hyung made everyone pancakes.” He gently shook the ‘sleeping’ boys shoulder.
Taehyung opened his eyes and smiled up at Hoseok.
“M’kay i’ll be there in a sec.” His voice was hoarse from just waking up, or truthfully from crying so long last night.
Hobi pat him on the head then turned and left the room with a bounce in his step.
After the door was once again closed Tae pulled his covers off harshly then sat up. He grabbed the nearest hoodie he could fins and threw it on over his sleep shirt. He then made a quick stop the restroom to freshen up.
Taehyung stared at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were puffy due to having just woken up. His chestnut locks were all over the place and he had bags under his eyes. Tae frowned and pinched his cheek, the thoughts from last night kept haunting him. He really didn’t have good features after all did he? He examined every inch of his face before he looked down at his body. Everything felt wrong.
He felt like he was being suffocated by his own mind. Quickly he turned on the tap and splashed his face with the cold water. The water kept running down the drain as he stared at it.
“Your fine.” He mumbled, “these people don’t know how hard you've worked for this. Your members and family love you. It’s all okay.”
His head snapped up to meet his own gaze in the mirror. He gave himself a fake smile of encouragement then shut off the water and his mind. Sometimes it was better if he wasn’t thinking too hard.
Eventually Taehyung found his way to the kitchen. Most of the members had already eaten and were most likely finishing their preparations to leave for the day. The table had a plate with 5 pancakes left and another plate along with a fork and maple syrup. Taehyung's mood lifted when he saw his members sitting around chatting with each other. He sat down in the seat next to Jeongguk and grabbed the apre plate and fork.
“Morning hyung, sleep well?” The youngest beamed at him as he took a huge bite of pancake.
Taehyung nodded his head slowly and decided to lie, “y-yeah it was…” he paused and placed 2 pancakes on his plate, “decent.”
His voice cracked a little at the end bearing a little to much emotion and Tae held his breath to see if the younger caught on. Fortunately for him Jeongguk either wasn’t paying attention to the way he spoke or chose to ignore it. Breakfast continued on as normal with the playful jokes between the two youngest members.
Taehyung was satisfied after just the two pancakes and headed to their living room area to wait for everyone. It was only 7:45am, they wouldn’t be leaving until 8:30 but he couldn’t focus on anything else right now.
He started to doze off while staring at the wall when a voice caught him off guard.
“Yah! Kim Taehyung! Aren’t you going to at least get dressed?”
Tae looked up to see Jimin staring at him, his hands were ok his hips like some stern mother. The accused one smiled softly at his friend and gently shook his head.
“Nah, I think this is good enough, don’t you chim?”
Jimin came over and plopped down next to him, “I mean it definitely screams you.”
Tae chuckled lightly and leaned his head against the others shoulder. They sat there quietly until more members joined them in the room. Hobis voice carried through the entire dorm as he was playing around with the maknae.
They just all enjoyed each other's company until a ding came from their leaders phone.
“Seijin is here for us.” He got up and headed to exit the building followed by the other members as well.
They all climbed into the van waiting outside. Today’s schedule was a little tiresome as they were attending an interview and still had to go through the rest of their normal schedule.
They arrived at their location to get their outfits styled for the day. After that they would go get hair and makeup done and head over to the interview.
Taehyung always loved seeing what kind of attire they would chose for each member. When they first started as a group it was just chosen for them based on their music and album theme. Now it was similar on occasion but all of their clothes were tailored to fit their individual personalities. Taehyung was fitted into a light blue button up and black slacks. The button up had intricate embroidery lining the cuffs and created a simple design throughout the entire shirt.
To say Tae was pleased was an understatement. He smiled at himself in the mirror admiring the clothing and the way it hugged his body. The top was loose and tucked into his bottoms, whereas the slacks were snug. There was still plenty of room so it wasn’t tight but his ass was on full display. Normally he wouldn’t care about something like this but when he met his gaze for the second time that day in the mirror those horrible thoughts about how he’s not good enough can flowing back.
He took a sharp inhale and was about to ask their stylists if there was anything else they could put him in but couldn’t complete the task. Their manager was rushing everyone out the door to their next location.
He sighed sitting in the van once again, now very aware as self conscious about how he looked. He kept tugging on his slacks the entire ride to their next stylists. No one else seemed to notice the obvious discomfort he was in. Thoughts kept swirling in his mind about how Army’s would react to seeing his outfit, what would they think, would they also hate how his ass looked in the pants? He picked at his cuticles to try and distract the thoughts but it didn’t seem to be working. Suddenly it was too hot in the van and he felt suffocated. His leg started to bounce up and down in an effort to calm his nerves.
Once they got to the next stop he immediately rushed inside and to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and leaned against the door. The doorknob dug into his back but he didn’t really care about that. He was trying to calm his quickened breathing before he had a panic attack. It wasn’t really working.
He couldn’t breathe.
He sunk to the ground as a sob escaped his lips. Short and shallow breaths were all he seemed to manage as his hands started shaking.
A knock on the door came a few moments later. Taehyung whined in response unable to manage words.
“Taehyung? Is that you?”
Tae whimpered as another sob escaped his lips.
“Shit Tae? Open the door. Right now.”
The urgency could definitely be heard in the other person's voice but Tae didn’t seem to recognize that. All he could do was try and force himself to unlock the door. His shaking hands weren't much help and he fumbled with the lock. The door knob kept rattling as he tried three times before successfully unlocking it. Immediately the door swung open to reveal Yoongi. He stepped inside and sat down next to the younger.
Taehyung felt tears stream down his face as his hyung pulled him into his arms. His sobbing came even harder and he hurried his face into his chest.
“Shh hyungie is here now it’s okay.” The older rubbed his back in a comforting motion as the other continued to struggle with calming his heart and breathing.
“Your all right Taehyungie. Take some deep breaths for hyung okay?”
Tae tried his hardest but it didn’t feel like it was working. He still felt like he was being choked.
Yoongi pulled him out of his chest so he could look at the other.
“Come on Taetae. I know you can do it. Here, breath with me okay?”
Tae gave him a weak nod.
“Breath in. One...two...three...four. Good, now out. One...two…three...four.”
They continued this for what felt like an hour but was more than likely just 6 or 7 minutes. When Taehyung could finally breathe and his sobbing had stopped Yoongi smiled and let out a shaky breath.
“Did you want to talk about it Tae?” The older gave him a sympathetic smile and started to rub circles into the youngers shoulder.
Taehyung hesitated to respond. Honestly he should talk to his members about this before it got out of hand but then he would be an even bigger burden then he was right now.
Tae bit his bottom lip and shook his head ‘no’.
Yoongi sighed, “alright then. When you do decide to talk to us just remember we all love you and won’t judge you no matter what okay?”
Tae nodded his head and gave his hyung a small smile to reassure him, “I will hyung.”
They sat there for a few minutes longer before Yoongi stood up. “Come on. I’m sure it's probably our turn by now.”
He extended his hand for the younger which he gladly took. His shakily rose to his feet and took a few more deep breaths before he exited the bathroom with his hyung.
The rest of the day went by without a hitch. The interview went well, Taehyung didn’t get confused or upset about anything else. Maybe that’s because of the reassuring looks from Yoongi he kept getting or because of the fact that he was trying not to over analyze and think about everything. They finally made it to the dance studio for practice. Before they got started the enjoyed some take out. It was 6:45pm when they finally began dancing. Unfortunately for Taehyung, the intruding thoughts came back again. His dancing was lacking and he kept missing steps. He was offbeat and look like a clumsy newborn elephant. Yoongi shot him a worried look after in particular mess up.
Taehyung has turned the opposite direction he was supposed to and ran into Namjoon. This caused both of them to stumble and almost crash into the ground.
The music cut off after that, “alright everyone. I think you're all pretty tired so let’s just call it a night shall we?” The dance instructor already was grabbing his things when he said this.
Taehyung took in a sharp breath and looked down,he knew that it was his fault. No one argued with the instructor as he left for the evening. They were all tired and needed some rest it was almost midnight by now.
The members started to collect all of their belongings just like the night prior except Taehyung. He anxiously watched everyone getting ready to go.
“What’s up Taetae?” Hobi had walked up to him seeing as he the younger was just watching everyone else.
“Um, i'm actually gonna stay behind. I can’t seem to get this one move I really want to work on it for a bit longer.” Tae smiled sheepishly at his hyung hoping he wouldn’t be suspicious.
The other members were definitely listening to their conversation because the room became very quiet.
“Sounds good! A little extra practice would be good for you!”
Taehyung heart just about stopped when he heard that. So Army’s weren’t the only ones who thought he needed improvement.
“We’ll see you at home then. Did you want one of us to pick you up later?”
Taehyung shook his head, “s’okay I can walk home.”
No one else said anything as they left the studio leaving Taehyung by himself.
Taehyung only meant to stay for a little while longer but before he knew it was 1am. He kept telling himself ‘one more time and then I’ll go home’. He seethed with frustration when he messed up the same move again. Angrily he ran over to the music to restart it one more time. He got in position, as it began he took a deep breath. He hit every move with perfection up until the key point. The same spot he has messed up over 10 times today. He hit the move and unexpectedly he did it beautifully. Overcome with joy he bounced up and down excitedly and spun around the room. He giggled to himself in glee, now he could show off to everyone that he was better than they thought. Happily he skipped over to the table not caring to look where was going. All of a sudden the floor was a lot closer than before as he came crashing down. How could he not see his own bag.
A loud thud echoed throughout the empty practice room as his world spun and faded to a black.
Taehyung laid unconscious for 15 minutes. Slowly his eyes opened at the world around him sparked back to life. His head hurt like hell.
He clutched his skull as it throbbed painfully. He took some deep breaths before willing himself to sit up. Everything was spinning and his entire body ached from overuse. He kept breathing in and out just like he did with Yoongi early when the pain slowly started to leave him. He was alright. Everything’s fine.
Tiredly he grabbed his bag and headed out. He made the lights were out and to lock the studio on his way.
The walk back to the dorms usually was nice and went by quickly. However tonight it was cold, his body ached and his head was pulsing in pain. The entire day was shit. First he had a panic attack and had to have his hyung help him. Then he messed up at dance practice causing everyone else trouble. Now he his head was in pain and he probably had a concussion. Taehyung trudged up to their front door and before he went indie he made a decision. Probably one of the worst ones in his life. He was going to keep what happened tonight a secret.
After all, he didn’t want to burden them with his flaws.