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Six Years and Nine Months Ago
“I’m pregnant, Bell.”
Even though the words had been whispered, Clarke’s voice trembling, they cut through the phone as clearly as if she had been standing in front of him.
Bellamy’s hand shook and he slowly put down the knife he’d been slicing bread with. It was Italian night at the Blake house and he’d been working on the garlic bread when his cell phone rang. He’d almost ignored it until he saw the name that popped up on it, illuminated on the screen. He didn’t know the last time he had spoken to her.
This was the last thing he had been expecting to hear though.
From her spot on the couch, his sixteen-year-old sister Octavia stilled, noticing the change in his demeanor. Shaking his head, Bellamy pushed himself away from the counter, storming into his room. Poorly nailed in picture frames rattled as he stalked down his hallway, though he did his best to not slam the door shut. He didn’t need to make O worry anymore than she probably already was. Serious phone calls were never a good sign in their family. And it looked like the trend was only continuing.
“Bellamy? Are you still there?” A note of hysteria crept into Clarke’s voice and in a panic, Bellamy realized he hadn’t said anything yet.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m still here, Clarke,” he said quickly, sinking onto the edge of his bed. His fingers curled into the comforter. “Are you…”
“Yes,” she responded immediately. “I don’t know what to do but I do know ––” she takes a shaky breath, “I do know that I want to keep it. Her. Them. Oh god Bellamy, I don’t know what to do.”
Bellamy could only hum in sympathy. He’s not sure what to do either. After all, it wasn’t like it was his baby that she was having.
•••
It had been roughly two years since their break up. They’d dated for a whirlwind of two years, a timeframe that seemed inexplicably longer though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the intoxication they had shared for each other. Maybe it had been the fun that had come with the thrill of knowing that people looked down on them, judging the nineteen-year-old who had started dating the sixteen-year-old daughter of Mayor Abby Griffin. Looking back now, at age 23, he can see what everyone else saw and he’s not necessarily proud of all of it. Octavia certainly reminded him of it anytime he lectured her about the boys she had crushes on.
But at the end of the day he had worshipped Clarke. Her wit and her stubbornness had kicked his ego down a few necessary notches. She encouraged him to finish his education at their local community college, spending long nights studying with him when no doubt the small town gossip assumed the worst. And when it came time for her to pick her own higher education path, Bellamy had been more than happy to help her. They created spreadsheets of majors, costs, any data point they could think of.
And he had pined for her to choose something close.
Yale. Harvard. He knew he couldn’t keep her in Stars Hollow forever, the small town that had choked her with its intensity and simultaneously protected her from the outside world. But just to have her close enough that it would be easy for them to visit each other.
The domino effect began over Christmas break. Tumbling events that cascaded over the two of them until Bellamy was gasping for air and pleading for a break.
First his mother had fallen sick. And then just when he was fighting the insurance companies, she had passed away. He and O had barely had time to say goodbye.
Funeral costs took over and he let go of the pipe dream of maybe going from community college to a full-on university. And then there was the concern of the coffee shop his mother had run. Though small, it had been the heart of town center in Stars Hollow. Everyone swept together to help him keep it going when the first bills appeared, and even the ever-cross Charles Pike, principal to Stars Hollow High (and vocal disliker of him and Clarke), dusted off his old business degree and helped get Bellamy afloat.
He knew Clarke didn’t resent him for having to work. But the day she got her first rejection letter, from Yale, he hadn’t been able to be there for her. She’d run to the coffee shop, envelope as crumpled as her face. He was knee-deep in construction and phones ringing off the hook and he’d dismissed her, the stress he was experiencing overcoming him.
That day marked spiraling out of control for them.
He was too tired; she was too wound up. He was short-tempered; she was panicking. Their emotions never ran in synchrony and the gap in their ages caught up. A teenage girl picking out her private college while her older boyfriend struggled to make ends meet while caring for an even younger sister. Their priorities were too different. There wasn’t a space for him on her multi-page spreadsheets planning out her life.
The writing had been on the wall longer than he would have ever wanted to admit to himself. But they put the nail in the coffin after graduation. He could tell that she had clung to the normalcy of having him there with her, of being able to look for him in the crowd before she walked across the stage to receive her diploma. They’d smiled in photos and he’d met the entire Griffin family, his arm sore from shaking so many hands. Abby was the nicest she had been to him in a while. She probably knew what was coming.
The breakup had been quick, to the point. Clarke was nothing if not precise with everything she did. Their two year relationship had been more intense than anything he had ever experienced and her tear-stained expression as she turned away from him burned into his brain. She hadn’t been able to stop a little bit of emotion from showing and that’s when he knew how hard this was for her.
She’d become a ghost and he only vaguely saw updates from her on Facebook, still just as private as she always had been. Now it was just the occasional photo in California, her blonde hair even lighter in the sunshine.
•••
Memories tumbled through Bellamy’s mind as he briefly allowed himself to imagine what he would do if Clarke was having his child. If they had ever gone that far when they’d dated, how would they have navigated it?
He didn’t have an answer for that, nor did he have one for this moment.
“Who’s the dad?” He found himself asking lowly.
“Finn,” came the expected reply. The surfer guy who popped up once in a while in her online presence. “He doesn’t know yet.”
Bellamy’s stomach dropped. Clarke, who he’s not even sure he’s spoken to since an awkward goodbye since she left for college, had called him about being pregnant before calling the father of the baby inside of her.
He wasn’t sure how that made him feel.
“What about your mom? Your dad?”
“You’re the only one who knows.”
Bellamy let out a long exhale at that realization. Fuck, that was a lot.
The two sat in silence. He knew the food was going to get cold in the kitchen, he’d have to apologize to O for that. She’d understand though. Even though she had been just shy of being a teenager when he and Clarke had dated, their relationship hadn’t escaped her notice. And she had also been hyper aware of the devastation following the break up. He’d never told her that she’d kept her from completely falling into despair, but he’s sure that she knows. They’re just that type of siblings.
Clarke rambled something about the logistics of having a kid, in the scientific way only she could, but Bellamy couldn’t miss the fear in her voice. Emotions she’d always struggled to share with people that now threatened to spill out. All to her high school ex.
None of that history seemed to matter though as he interjected some ideas, memories of helping his own mother out.
When it felt like they’d exhausted the early basics, they fell into silence again.
“I know Finn won’t be mad about keeping them,” Clarke said in a quiet voice. “I just still feel so alone out here. California isn’t home, I’ve only been here for two years. I haven’t finished college yet.”
“You could… always come back to Stars Hollow,” Bellamy whispered, his heart clenching as he squeezed his eyes shut.
The other line was silent for a moment, just the sound of her breathing echoing through the phone. Finn seemed like a shallow guy, but Bellamy would put up with him if it meant that Clarke was home with her family. With him, he tried to not tell himself .
“I’ll think about it,” she eventually conceded. Normally he’d assume she was just saying that, a polite coded way of saying that she’d wait a bit before completely rejecting the idea. But the smallness in her voice, something he hadn’t ever heard from her, made him think that maybe she’d consider it.
“I’m always here, no matter what. I know we haven’t talked in a while, and that’s okay. I don’t hold anything against you.” The words are tumbling out of him now. “But I’ve been doing this raising a kid thing for a little while, even when my mom was alive. If you need anything, just call me. I’ll give you all of the advice I can. Hell, I’ll fly to fucking California if I need to.”
The light laugh that Clarke let escape made his chest swell up. That was the Clarke he knew, not the scared one who didn’t have a plan.
“I’m not sure it’ll come to that, but I’ll let you know. I guess I should get going. I suppose I’ll know more once I tell Finn,” her nerves seemed to be coming back, but then her voice dropped into a more serious tone. “But Bellamy, thank you. For everything.”
He murmured something, he couldn’t even tell what, and the line went dead.
Sitting on his bed, he tried to process everything that he had just taken in. The overwhelming emotion that had stirred up in him in a way that he hadn’t realized had been missing. He knew he’d have to go talk with Octavia in a minute so that she didn’t worry about the phone call. But for now, he ran his hand through his hair and let himself collapse on top of his bed.
Nothing felt like it would be the same after this.
•••
Two years later, Clarke moved back to Stars Hollow from California with a degree and her daughter. There was no boyfriend or husband in sight.
Today
The hum of the coffee shop was music to Bellamy’s ears as he handed Mrs. Green her order. Always a latte with extra caramel, the same order she’d been getting since he could remember his first shift working here. Some things had never changed at Aurora’s.
Cozy instead of cramped, it had stood at the corner of Main and Arcadia since his mother had started working there as a young woman, desperate to get her foot in the door after barely graduating high school. It had always been Bellamy and Octavia’s home and it still was, even eight years past his mother’s death. Owning it gave him a sense of purpose he’d never truly imagined having and he cherished every inch of it. It was certainly stressful at times, especially taking over a business without any sort of experience beyond making the coffee, but so far everything was still working out and Aurora’s remained a staple in Stars Hollow after all these years. He could name every person in there right now.
As the door swung open, letting in the warmth of the last days of August, another familiar face walked in. Or in this case, ran in.
“Bellamy!” He looked up at the shout and was nearly knocked over the pint-sized girl that sprinted up to him. Madi’s arms wrapped tightly around his legs and she grinned widely up at him.
“Let me guess, you had a good first day of second grade?” He asked with his own smile, extracting himself so he could kneel down closer to her level. Madi was still small for being almost seven-years-old, having not hit a growth spurt yet. Must have received her smaller stature from her mom.
Who walked in just as Madi launched into a story about the dumb boy she sat next in class.
Bellamy didn’t mean to get distracted. Listening to kids was important in helping them develop confidence but it was Clarke . What else was he supposed to do but get distracted?
Clarke’s hair, freshly chopped into her now-normal bob length, haloed her as she stepped into the coffeeshop. It must have been a busy day at the studio since it looked like she was still in an oversized t-shirt and shorts, decorated with dried paint splatters. She’d told him the other night she didn’t give a flying fuck what the other mom’s thought of her at the private elementary school her mom had helped paid for, and clearly she’d decided to dress for the occasion. It was the navy blue flannel tied around her waist though, the one had lent her a couple Halloween’s ago, that made his heart thrum.
Luckily Madi noticed her mom’s arrival as well and took off to go drag her to a table, completely missing the way Bellamy’s eyes hadn’t left Clarke since she had walked in.
His feet moved automatically, following the two over towards the window and table that Madi had selected. It was her usual spot, two large cushy chairs pressed closely in to the small circular table, with a perfect people watching view.
“Can I have some water?” Madi asked, her voice slipping into the tone she used when she wanted something, her face shoved already into her small backpack as she pulled out color pencils and a workbook.
Clarke whispered for her to add a please to that statement and Madi mumbled it, distracted by the pages in front of her. Laughing exasperatedly, she shrugged helplessly at Bellamy who in turn shook his head. Clarke didn’t have anything to worry about it when it came to Madi, even though those initial fears about having a child she had once held still lingered occasionally.
He came back with a water and a thick slice of coffee cake.
“I was hoping you’d be fine watching her for a couple hours,” Clarke said, smiling up at him. “I’ve got an art class to teach tonight since I was sick last, it shouldn’t take long and then I’ll just have to lock up the studio.”
“What time do you want her back for dinner?” Bellamy asked, almost chuckling at Clarke’s pleading tone. As if this was somehow some type of inconvenience for him and not something they did all of the time.
It had been about five years since Clarke had moved back to their hometown and Bellamy had slipped into protective mode more easily than he wanted to admit to himself. It shouldn’t have been a surprise – he’d practically raised Octavia while his mom had fought to make ends meet and at the time, four years since she had passed away. Parenting was second nature to him but the idea that it would come as easily to someone who wasn’t related to him wasn’t a certainty.
Or at least it wasn’t until Clarke had showed up at Aurora’s one December evening as he was in the process of closing up, clutching a small girl to her chest and shivering in the snow.
Maybe he shouldn’t have let himself become so attached.
It was Clarke’s daughter after all. Not his.
Stars Hollow had welcomed Clarke back with open arms and just as much as she didn’t want to talk about California, she equally wanted to start her new life there. She’d turned down her mom’s offer to live just outside of town in their affluent neighborhood. Instead, she’d opted for a tiny yellow house on one of the corners and cemented herself right back to Bellamy’s life.
Not intentionally of course.
Clarke wasn’t one to press herself onto people, stubbornly independent. But it happened all the same.
The town certainly had plenty of people that would have, and most likely did, volunteered to have watched Madi as Clarke tried to get back into work. The only problem was that Madi (experiencing what Clarke called with a grimace her “terrible twos”) didn’t like many people.
She did like Bellamy though.
Her inquisitive blue eyes had taken one look at him that night in Aurora’s and decided that he was okay to her. She’d reached a chubby hand out and pulled on his newly grown in beard before smiling toothily at him.
Neither of them had much of an option then. If Bellamy had been worried that it would be awkward between him and Clarke, it didn’t matter once Madi came into the picture. It wasn’t that they were slipping back into their old roles. They had grown up too much for that. Instead they were in new ones, partners. Bellamy became the de facto babysitter for Madi and Aurora’s became her second home.
When Clarke had late nights at the studio, Madi would hang out in the coffeeshop. If something came up and Clarke needed someone to run errands while Madi was home sick, he’d simply hop in his truck and get whatever she needed.
He would have never guessed that they would co-parent a child that wasn’t his, but he was too happy with everything in his life now that he wouldn’t let himself dwell on it.
Or his feelings that seemed to be cracking underneath his ribs and deep in his heart.
So when Clarke seemed nervous about asking him to look after Madi tonight, it was almost comical and he gave her teasing nudge while asking her when to drop Madi off that night.
Clarke cleared her throat and bit her lip.
“Well, whenever you’re done clearing up here. I was actually hoping you could come over for dinner tonight. You know, to celebrate Madi’s first day of school,” she replied in a rush.
“Oh,” he choked out.
He was fairly certain kindergarten and first grade were both celebrated at her mom’s house, Abby a big proponent of celebrating educational landmarks. He can’t quite remember but this seems to be a big deal to Clarke and he was suddenly thrown off.
“Pleeeasee,” came a whine from the table and Madi looked up at him with doe-eyes.
“Well since you asked so nicely,” he answered with a laugh, reaching out to mess up Madi’s hair. His eyes flicking back to Clarke’s and he caught the wide, pleased grin on her face.
Once everything was situated for Madi at the table and times established, Clarke gave him a quick hug after giving Madi one. He hoped it wasn’t obvious how much he never wanted to let her go during hugs, but something about this time made him wonder if it was the same for her. It was hoping against hope that he really felt her hands dance at the bottom of his hair as if she wanted to entangle her hands in it.
But then she was gone, the ding of the bell over the door alerting to her exit. He sighed, watching her disappear as she walked down the street.
“God, get a room.”
The snippy voice belonged to one of his newer employees and Bellamy sighed as he turned around. Josephine, or “Josie” as her annoying boyfriend Gabriel called her, was standing at the cash register, her eyebrow arched skeptically and her lips pursed in an unimpressed fashion.
“Don’t you have a job to be doing?”
Okay, not exactly his best comeback. She simply shrugged and rolled her eyes.
“It’d be a lot easier to get my work done if I didn’t have to watch you two drool and dance around each other like every day.”
Bellamy’s eyes narrowed at her snarky attitude and he was about to snap back when he heard a chuckle behind him.
“Newbie might be bitchy, but she’s telling the truth.”
He swung around to see the lanky figure of John Murphy packing up his brown leather laptop bag at one of the tables. He’d have to remind him to not call his employees that, even if it was true. When Bellamy frowned in confusion at him though, Murphy sighed.
“Seriously? You don’t think we all know you’re in love with her? It’s so stupidly obvious, I can’t believe she hasn’t done anything about it.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bellamy replied gruffly. Leave it to Murphy, the town’s bartender and resident sarcastic tool, to cut right through him.
Murphy’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned crookedly at him. Then raised up his left hand and waggled his fingers in Bellamy’s direction. “Says the single guy to the married guy.”
Bellamy did his best to discreetly flip Murphy off, but the guy had already left, the silver ring on his finger from when he and Emori had gotten married winking at Bellamy in the sunlight.
He felt a soft hand on his arm and looked down to see Vera Kane sitting up in one of the barstools beside the register. She was a pastor and while it had been a long time since Bellamy ever remembered going to church, her calming demeanor was always welcome at the coffee shop. She also owned the antique store down the street, a place that Clarke had been determined to thrift everything for her dorm room for college. She also might have caught the two of them making out once or twice back then in the depths of her store.
She was looking at him right now in that way she always did, knowingly and softly. In Stars Hollow she was essentially everyone’s grandmother –– that also meant sometimes she had advice that you didn’t want to hear.
Bellamy braced himself.
“Bellamy, dear, it’s okay to still be in love with her,” she said with a smile. “Sometimes it never really goes away. And you’re one of the lucky ones, not everyone gets a second chance or even have someone love us back in the first place.”
Protests fell from his lips. Clarke Griffin, fiery and now fierce single-mother, did not love him like that, he was sure of that. He was less sure that he wasn’t in love with her and hearing it from the townspeople of Stars Hollow isn’t exactly helping him. Mrs. Kane simply hummed and resumed taking notes from her Bible, her tea next to her still steaming and the scone half-eaten. Bellamy felt like a fish out of water, jaw slack as he still tried to process the idea of Clarke loving him back per her suggestion.
When Octavia appeared down from their upstairs apartment above the coffee shop, affectionately calling him a dumbass for not admitting he’s still in love with Clarke, that was when he took his cue to leave the conversation. He waved everyone off, barking at Josephine to get back to work, and settled in at the table with Madi. She’d finished some type of worksheet, basic math from the looks of it, and was now doodling in a sketchbook. Clarke’s daughter through and through.
She wordlessly handed him a page and a green color pencil, never looking up from her work.
“Are you going to date my mom?”
The question startled Bellamy so much he nearly choked on his spit, looking up to see that Madi was still looking at her sketchbook. She’d slowed down though and he suddenly felt nerves crawling over him. Christ. He spent so much time worrying about what Clarke felt that it somehow slipped his mind to consider how Madi would feel about it. Sure, he’d been looking after her nearly her whole life. But this was something entirely different.
“I think your mom would have to have some sort of a say in that,” was the most neutral answer he could come up, eyeing Madi carefully.
His mother had never tried to remarry after Octavia’s father had stormed out on them. Two strikes for her was enough. Madi hadn’t known any other father-figure than him but he couldn’t ever be presumptuous to assume that would be enough.
Madi finally stilled, looking up at him. For such a mischievous child, she had an air of seriousness to her that Bellamy recognized within himself. She already seemed older than her peers. Head cocked to the side, she stared at him with her cheeks puffed out. Then she finally let out all of the air and gave a small shrug.
“I think she’d like you to. Her voice gets all funny when she talks about you and sometimes when you’re not looking, she just stares at you. I like you too, so I think that makes it better for her,” she said back matter-of-factly.
As she went back to her drawing, her piece said, she had a small smile and was completely lost in her imagination again.
Bellamy wasn’t sure he had blinked once since she had started talking.
•••
Dinner that night, a feast of mac and cheese with hot dogs and a side of chicken nuggets, had been specially requested by Madi. It wasn’t Bellamy’s usual, but eating all of that off of a ladybug plate in the middle of their living room was somehow the highlight of his week. And it was only Monday.
She’d then requested to build a fort once they were done eating and so while Clarke took over cleaning up, Bellamy helped Madi out. He’d protested at first, insisting he do his fair share, but she’d shooed him out of the kitchen with a swat to his ass. She’d also reminded him that they’d hardly broke a sweat making the meal so it wasn’t like it was going to be hard.
And to be fair, he was probably the best fort builder in Stars Hollow. Maybe in all of Connecticut.
With nearly all of the pillows and blankets in the house now compiled together into an intricate fort, Madi had fallen asleep halfway through a movie and they’d decided to let her remain there. It would have been nearly impossible to extract her anyway.
Instead, Clarke had asked softly he wanted to go sit on the porch with her and he’d immediately accepted. He didn’t want this night to end.
The Adirondack chairs he’d helped build for her were tucked in the back of the porch so the two of them pulled them out so that they had more space, just past the black shutters that Clarke had painted herself after moving in. There was more of a jungle of plants on it than he last remembers, leaves and tendrils curling around terracotta pots and a cobweb covered broom.
He finished making up a cup of coffee for Clarke before returning to the small porch. He’d made the mistake of supplying her with as much coffee as she wanted, which now meant she refused to buy her own and usually when he came over, he lent her his skills. It would be aggravating if it was anyone else. Instead he’d happily memorized her favorite drinks and which ways to add special touches to them when he knew she needed something extra.
He wondered if she knew that about him. It’s never a question about appreciation. In their teen years they were far from the best at communication but now she’s in her late twenties and seems to have an endless supply of thanks and compliments for him.
It makes him blush and stammer, igniting his tick of messing with the back of his neck until she laughs and changes the subject.
But even as embarrassed as he gets at the compliments, he selfishly held each of them close to his chest.
The stream of thank yous and exclamations about the holiness of coffee leave him chuckling as he drops into the chair next to her. His legs splay out in front of him, boots leaning up against the railing while Clarke curls up in the chair, tucking and folding her legs in that makes him feel stiff and inflexible just looking at her.
For some reason it sparked the reminder in him of their age difference. The pair of them are silent and he found himself lost in thought while he looked out. Arrival of school days once again had been a reminder to everyone about the dwindling days of summer and he could see some friendly faces out walking, some as families and some taking their pets out for an evening stroll.
Maybe it’s the once-upon-a-time writer in him, but his heart clenches around the romanticism of the small town. But with it came the aches and pains of being under a magnifying glass and Clarke leaving for California had been a root of that, the need for her to push back and grow on her own. At the time, all of those years ago, her decision had stung him. Adding to the pain of how aware the whole town had been of them when they were together and equally when they weren’t.
Now he understood her choice, even as much as he knew he would never leave Stars Hollow.
“Do you think we should have never dated?” The question startled even himself as he asked it.
Clarke hummed, inhaling the smell of the chai latte in her hands. She seemed to be thinking deeply to herself and he fought the knots in his stomach. He thinks he might have mumbled something about the fact that she drinks too much coffee because she smiled slightly into the mug.
“No, I don’t think that,” she eventually said. “I mean, we probably shouldn’t have with the whole age gap and everything. But I don’t regret it, no.”
He nodded slowly, looking out around them.
She continued: “And I guess with everything that had happened between us, it helped lead us down each path we’re on now. I might not have ever had Madi. Your success with Aurora’s. And now back here. Together again.”
She said it so calmly, as if she’s thought about it before. When Bellamy turns his head, his curls brushing against his ears as he does, her expression confirms it. She’s staring steadily at him now and his fingers itch to run his hands down her cheek.
“I sometimes wonder…” she trailed off. She was chewing on her lip nervously and Bellamy realized how much he needed her to finish that sentence.
There must have been an intensity to his gaze though because Clarke seemed to lose her resolve and mumbled something about needing to check on Madi, scrambling to unfold herself and get out of the chair. The excuse is too transparent, reminiscent of their early days together.
Back then he’d let her run from him.
Not anymore though.
“Clarke,” he breathed out, unable to stop the slight crack in his voice as he whispered her name as he pushed himself up to follow here.
She let out a breathless laugh, leaning back against the door frame. Her blue eyes were gazing softly up at him and a flush appeared on her cheeks.
“You can’t just say my name like that Bellamy,” she warned. There was no malice behind her words, instead they were laced with almost an anxiousness and a neediness that he was going to have to file away for later.
“Why’s that?”
He didn’t realize he’d stepping closer to her until he felt her hand gently place itself on his chest. Not stopping him, but holding onto him as the soft fabric was clutched in her small hand. Her hair still smelled like whichever shampoo she had always used, something vaguely fresh and nature-like.
“I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, you could ask me to do anything with that voice.” The honesty that tumbles from her, her breath hot against his neck, leaves him feeling weightless.
His nose traced her hair, thrown back in a messy bun now, before making its way to her temple. He couldn’t ignore the way her breath hitched or the way her body relaxed into his.
“I know something easier,” he pulled his head just far enough away so she could hear him. “Just tell me… tell me if you feel anything for me again.”
The burst of courage he had to ask is unexplainable. He’s not sure even alcohol would let him do that, but there’s something about being on this porch with her so intoxicatingly close that gets him to ask it.
“Again would imply that I never stopped,” she whispered, her head tilted back and lips ghosting his chin.
If at one point in his life Bellamy had thought he loved Clarke Griffin, it paled in the emotion that coursed through him right now. Back then it was roaring and prideful, a loud sort of love that was bombastic and in your face. Teetering on performative to prove to the world the intensity of what they had felt for each other.
This feeling was quieter, but no less intense. Those old emotions shrunk against the warmth that swept through him. Here, tucked against the doorframe to her house, with plants sprawled around them and the sounds of a summer evening enveloping them, this love didn’t need to be shouted. It cloaked him in comfort and wrapped his heart up in the safety of knowing that it was in good hands. This love was choosing to be together; that after everything they've been through and the lives they could have chosen, this was where they chose to be. A love that didn’t need to be announced because it was in every touch and breath they shared.
When Bellamy’s mouth finally reached hers, his fingers had gently clasped her jaw and tilted her head back. She tasted like she had almost nine years ago, a sense of familiarity that made him ache. But there were hints of newness to her, found in the curve of her hips and the shortness of her hair. They were themselves and also entirely new people, but she was still home.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed together, eventually pulling himself back to dizzyingly catch his breath. Clarke was equally breathless and their cheeks hurt from smiling.
She pushed some of his hair back, her hands tangling in it just briefly as her nails scratched against his scalp.
“We should probably get Madi into an actual bed,” she mumbled into his skin after a beat.
He nodded, knowing that they couldn’t get too caught up in themselves while outside. But rather than bursting the bubble they created around themselves, the warmth continued to hold him as they slipped back inside. This wasn’t him helping out just as a babysitter, a stand-in father figure while Clarke figured out how to navigate motherhood. As he helped carefully hoist the little girl out of the fort and into arms, following Clarke upstairs, he was swept away by the familiarity behind all of it. A similar feeling to helping take care of Octavia. The sensation of knowing that this was family .
His hand on Clarke’s shoulder as she leaned over to kiss Madi’s forehead. The way her fingers wove themselves between his as they wandered towards her room.
“You were the one who always centered me,” Clarke whispered between sleepy kisses, her hair spread out across her pillow and tickling his face.
He doesn’t have the words to explain to her that it’s the other way around. That over these years, she had been the one to help ground him. So he does his best to convey it through touch, relearning every inch of her after all of this time.
Stars Hollow was a picturesque small town, an embodiment of what people imagined it would be. For Bellamy and Clarke, their story together was far from that. Whispered gossip, tears, frustration, arguments. Slow reunions, trust, connection. Love often doesn’t have a linear path and for them it had been years of storing away feelings and keeping their pining for the other to themselves. But now it was out in the open and they had finally come back together.
The map of Clarke’s body burned back into his memory and fingers, Bellamy began to fall asleep with a smile drifting onto his face.
He had been right, that nothing would be the same after that phone call from Clarke.
What he hadn’t realized was how much better life would be.