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Jimin sat on the bathroom floor. He had his knees tucked up to his chest as he leaned against the white tile wall. He wanted to cry, he really did. But he just didn’t have it in him anymore. All of his tears were dried on his cheeks, making the skin pull uncomfortably. Snot dripped from his nose and he wiped it with the back of his hand.
His throat hurt.
Earlier, they had all been watching some Korean drama that Jimin couldn’t remember the name of. He had waited. Waited until all the members had filtered out of the room and went to bed. He even waited another half hour after the last one left, just to make sure he was safe before rushing to the bathroom.
He cringed at the smell of acid. It was strong. Jimin hadn’t been careful this time. He was in such a rush that he hadn’t really taken the time to think anything through. He had gotten some on the floor as well as his thin shirt.
His throat hurt more this time for some reason. He didn’t know why but he had a harder time getting it up. Then again, it had been in his body for several hours. He had puked until the muscles in his abdomen, throat and face felt like they were about to snap. He tried not to notice the small specks of blood on the seat of the toilet.
He knew he should have been moving. He knew he should clean up his mess, take a quick shower to wash that gross feeling away, air freshen the bathroom and then go to bed. One of the members was bound to need to use the bathroom eventually. Yet Jimin couldn’t find the strength in himself to get up. He didn’t have the energy to clean himself up and he just didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore.
So he sat there, staring at the wall.
His voice had cracked. It had cracked while he was on stage. Just the thought of it made Jimin cringe. In that small moment on stage, when his voice broke, his heart had seized in his chest. Usually, when Jimin is on stage he can get lost in the music. But when his voice had failed, it felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured on him.
He suddenly felt the eyes of millions of people on him. He felt their judgemental stares, he felt their annoyance. He heard their whispers. He had somehow managed to keep singing, but it wasn’t good. It wasn’t as good as it needed to be. The crew had tried to tell him that no one noticed but he knew that it was a lie.
The sound of footsteps made its way through the door. Jimin froze. One of them was coming. They were going to catch him. His heart sped up. He hated this feeling. The feeling of absolute terror at the thought of any of them finding out.
Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God
“Jimin-ah?” It was Yoongi. Jimin gasped silently. Of all the members, Yoongi was the last person he wanted to know about this. It’s not the fact that Jimin didn’t trust the older male, it’s that Jimin knew what his hyung had gone through growing up. He had been so poor that he couldn’t eat some days. And the fact that Jimin was willingly throwing away food and willingly removing it from his body made Jimin feel sick… again.
Yoongi called his name again, sounding slightly annoyed. Jimin didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. Jimin could hear Yoongi begin to become concerned as he called his name again.
How did Yoongi even know it was him? Jimin shook the thought off when he realized that the shadows under the door were gone. It was silent for about a minute before the doorknob started to shift.
Jimin cursed. Of course his hyung knew how to pick a lock. It’s Yoongi. Jimin attempted to stand but his foot landed in his vomit, and he let out a yelp as he fell. He hit the ground painfully with what sounded like a stomp of a foot. Yoongi heard this as well and the doorknob shifted faster.
“I’m coming in, so if you’re indecent, that’s not my problem,” he said. The door opened and Jimin doubled over. He couldn’t bare to look at his hyungs face. He heard Yoongi sigh.
He felt a hand on his head. Yoongi lifted his head so he could inspect the younger boy. He scanned his body for any injuries and quickly found that he had none. Well, no physical injuries anyway.
Yoongi turned around and grabbed some wipes beside the toilet. He pulled one out, and slowly wiped Jimin’s face. He wiped the snot and spit and tears, even grabbing another wipe to wipe away the thin eyeliner Jimin still had on.
Jimin started to cry. At first, it was a whimper, and then a sob. He fell apart right in front of Yoongi. “I-I-I’m s-o-o sorr-ry h-hyung,” he managed to say, looking down and away from Yoongi.
Yoongi didn’t say anything as he finished wiping Jimin's foot, the one that had stepped in the vomit. Once again, Yoongi got up and left Jimin alone. He came back with a new shirt. He lifted Jimin’s arms and pulled the dirty white shirt off of him before dropping it in the hamper. He slid the new shirt over Jimin’s head.
“Can you stand?” Yoongi spoke, finally. Jimin slowly nodded. Jimin slowly pushed himself up and off the floor. Yoongi offered Jimin his arm, pulling the boy up. Jimin lazily bent over the sink. His hand went for the toothbrush, but his fingers could barely grip it. So he went for the mouthwash instead.
He spit it out and looked up into the mirror. Yoongi leaned against the doorway, waiting, his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. Jimin slowly took his hands off the sink, only for his knees to collapse. Yoongi was at his side immediately.
Yoongi slipped Jimin’s hand over his neck, placing his own around Jimin’s waist. He lifted the boy up, and Jimin let out a small whimper, clenching his eyes. Yoongi led him out of the bathroom, keeping most of Jimin’s weight on himself.
“T-The puke-” Jimin started but Yoongi interrupted him.
“I’ll clean it up later,” Yoongi led Jimin down the hall and into the room they shared. He opened the door and set Jimin down on his bed slowly. Yoongi went over to Jimin’s bed and pulled back his sheets. He went back to the younger boy and lifted him again, carrying him to his own bed.
Jimin collapsed back onto his bed. Yoongi lifted Jimin’s legs onto the bed and pulled Jimin’s sheets over the boy. Jimin rolled onto his side and looked up at the older man.
“Do you hate me?” he whispered.
Yoongi looked at the boy and for the first time in their relationship, Jimin saw the pain in Yoongi’s eyes. “No, Jimin,” he said. “Get some rest,, we'll talk more in the morning,” Jimin sniffled, nodding.
Jimin watched the man as he turned on the small nightlight in the corner of the room. Yoongi stood up, going over to the door, most likely going to clean up the mess Jimin had made. He had his hand on the doorknob, about to close it but Jimin spoke up. “G’night, hyung,” he said.
Yoongi looked up at Jimin. “Night, Jimin. It’s… It’s going to be alright, okay?” Jimin hesitated a moment.
“Promise?” he whispered.
“I promise,” Yoongi said before shutting the door.
And for some unbeknownst reason, Jimin suddenly felt that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.