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“Want me to stay?” the redhead whispers into the eery quiet of the small apartment, hoping he would get an answer; a soft hum, a noncommittal sound, anything other than the silence he is met with. He steps further into the room, trying hard to ignore the metallic smell of blood that was growing stronger the closer he got. With each step he could feel the grip on his heart tighten, the very air in his lungs becoming toxic, unbreathable.
“Dazai?” he tried calling out again as he spotted the man leaning against the wall in one corner of the room. “Love? Talk to me?” He could feel the familiar pang of worry and guilt in his chest as he came upon this very sight, time and time again and he couldn’t help but wonder if he could have done more. He wondered if he maybe he just chose the right words, the right gestures all of this could be avoided. But there was the rational part of him that knew that whatever was going on inside Dazai’s beautiful mind couldn’t be easily fixed with tender touches and soft words. No, Dazai was broken, has been for a long time. Chuuya couldn’t fix him as much as he wanted to, but he could do one thing; he would gently guide Dazai to battle his own demons, he would help him fight against his own form of Corruption.
He eyed Dazai once more. He hadn’t even noticed when his eyes left the younger’s face in favor of his hands, noting the relentless tremors and the way his fingers clenched around the hem of his shirt before releasing the fabric, his movements almost mechanical. He cringed as Dazai occasionally scratched at his arms, clawing at the bandages and the skin beneath in a twisted attempt at removing it, as if the very layer of tissue covering his bones and thin muscles was burning him.
He gently pried his hands away, his fingers still flexing around air. Chuuya tried soothing his forearms with tender touches, tracing the angry red marks with his fingers and blowing on them. Normally, he would refrain from showing affection considering how Dazai shied away from it for reasons yet unknown to him, but now, now it seemed right, so Chuuya leaned all the way down to kiss at the marks, the scars peaking from underneath the white gauze. In moments like these he knew for sure that he would give anything to take away Dazai’s pain.
Unresponsive as he was, the brunet didn’t even seem to register the touch, the affection seeping from his partner’s lips as they made their way towards his pulse where they lingered.
“Dazai?” he tried seemingly for the thousandth time. “Dazai?” a shudder.
“Shuuji.“
Finally. Finally those gorgeous eyes he fell in love with focused on him. It brought a smile to his lips. “Are you back with me, love?”
Dazai’s eyes roamed around the room, before landing on Chuuya’s. He held his gaze, anchoring him, bringing back to reality and away from the terrors of his mind. His voice was caught in his throat and the words died as soon as they formed in his mind. Still, he managed a small nod.
Chuuya’s smile was warm and reassuring, a light guiding him out of the darkness he was drowning in, his hand in his a comforting weight to ground him.
Minutes passed by in silence and Dazai felt himself slowly drifting but before he could relinquish to what he hoped would be dreamless sleep, strong arms slipped behind his knees and back, lifting him from the cold floor and carrying him to his bed. He was laid down with more care than he thought he could ever deserve but the exhaustion brought about a selfishness he was almost ashamed of. It uncovered a strong, forgotten desire to be loved and cared for in a way he could only imagine.
Dazai felt more than heard the window being opened, letting the cold of the night seep in the room. A warm, thick blanket was draped over him, slowly as if not to startle the man, but the cold air and the comforting weight of the blanket could only be rivaled by the gentle tug of Chuuya’s arm bringing him closer to him. The steady beats of his partner’s heart were almost hypnotic, lulling him to slumber and he would give anything to be able to hear this over the voices whispering continuously in his mind.
The redhead’s heartbeat certainly came to be his favorite sound.
Chuuya’s hand was tangled in messy brown curls, smoothing the tangles with his fingers and peppering kisses to the crown of Dazai’s head, his temple and the wet trail on his cheeks.
“Chuuya,” he started but let the silence reign once more. Said man watched his features relax and the gentle rise and fall of his chest as his breathing evened out.
Just when he thought the man had finally gone to sleep, he heard the softest voice pleading “Please stay.”
Chuuya only held him closer to his chest.
“Leave it to me, partner.”