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South Downs, England. 2228.
Aziraphale has been lying in bed for eight weeks now. Not eating, not drinking, not reading. He won’t even move, no matter how many delicious desserts Crowley bakes him —a skill he started to develop when their relationship began— or how many rare editions of his favourite books he manages to acquire —probably not using the most moral methods—. He’s sure he has lost his ability to speak at this point.
They had lost another one. The third one, to be precise. The last one, Aziraphale keeps repeating to himself.
“Angel…” Crowley says, stepping into the dark bedroom —Aziraphale doesn’t want him to open the curtains—. “Please, angel, it’s been two months.”
There’s no reply. Crowley walks towards the bed and sits on his side of it, resting a hand on his husband’s shoulder.
“You can’t stay like this forever. Shit, even I think this place is depressing, and I’ve been in Hell.”
A soft sob is the only answer he gets.
“Angel, please, just… say something. Anything. Tell me to fuck off, if that’s what you want, but don’t ignore me. Let those feelings out.”
“I’m not even sure I have feelings,” Aziraphale finally whispers.
“Okay, that sure is… something you can say, I guess, but come on, you can do better.”
That’s when Aziraphale looks at him over his shoulders. There is so much pain in his eyes it makes it even more unbelievable that he doesn’t have feelings.
“Perhaps we just don’t. Haven’t you ever thought about that?”
“Uh… yes, we’re not supposed to have feelings, but we already proved that wrong, didn’t we?”
Aziraphale turns around until he’s on his back and sits up.
“Look at us. We just… replace one with another, as if they were mere pets. As if we could always get another one. And then they die and we pretend to grieve like they do and, after that, we just go and do it all again. Are their lives so insignificant to us? What kind of parents…?” He interrupts himself and sighs in resignation. “Well, of course, the ones who were never meant to become parents in the first place.”
“Alright, angel, I’m going to stop you right there.” Crowley throws an arm around his shoulders and brings him closer. “We know how it works. Our time and their time aren’t the same. So let’s not punish ourselves for it. It’s nature. Humans. Live. Short.”
“She didn’t live long enough, though.”
Crowley licks his own lips, looking down.
“No, she didn’t.”
Aziraphale stares at him. Tears won’t even come out anymore.
“She hated us.”
“No, angel, of course not. She just wanted… other things.”
“Things we couldn’t give her… and that is why she hated us.”
“Angel…”
“She wouldn’t even let us see her children.”
“She couldn’t. You know she couldn’t.”
“And didn’t she die… because of us? Aren’t we the ones to blame? We should have known better. Human bodies are fragile and I encouraged her to eat all those desserts and…”
“No, no. Angel, look at me.” He puts his hands on Aziraphale’s cheeks. “She left thirty years ago. She knew what she was doing and the doctor said it wasn’t because of her diet. It was… bad genetics, that’s all. That’s not your fault or mine.”
“But she did hate us.”
Crowley wants to tell him he’s wrong. He desperately wants to convince Aziraphale —and himself— that she didn’t hate them, that she just needed a different lifestyle, that she only wanted to become her own person. But that’s a lie, and both of them know it.
Evie was the first daughter. And the first child who grew up to despise them.
The eldest came in 2024, during a warm summer night. Crowley was already asleep when they heard someone frenetically ringing the doorbell. When they went out to the porch, there was a crying picnic basket that immediately triggered bad memories in the demon’s mind. And a note.
My name is Jesus, I’m three months old and my mom can’t give me everything I need.
At first, they thought it was a trick from Heaven or Hell to finally take revenge on them. But it wasn’t like they could leave him out there. So, without losing time, they took the so-called Jesus and drove to the nearest child adoption center —which wasn’t near at all—.
They really planned to give him away. It wasn’t only the right thing to do, but they were also completely sure that they didn’t have what it takes to be good parents. They would have do exactly what they intended to do, if Jesus wouldn’t have started crying again and if Aziraphale wouldn’t have performed his famous coin-behind-the-ear trick, which turned out to be everything it took to calm him down.
That made it for Aziraphale, but Crowley still had doubts.
“You can’t just adopt a child because he likes your stupid magic-…” Then Love of my life started playing and Jesus —with his limited imitation skills— started humming to himself as his eyes closed. “Oh… he likes Queen, too…”
The Bentley made a U-turn on two wheels and Jesus Fell-Crowley was officially born.
Jesus grew up as a normal country child. Never too interested in school, he found the most joy in house chores and farming. He had fun helping Crowley with the vegetables —he was very good at threating plants— and baking pies with Aziraphale. It was obvious from the start he didn’t care about college and a nine-to-five job, and his parents were relieved.
He got a few girlfriends in high school, but he never actually click with someone. Horses, chickens and sheep were nicer to be around. Jesus didn’t get along with humans. Besides, a family that doesn’t age isn’t easy to introduce to a long-term partner.
He spent his whole existence at the cottage that watched him grow. He was healthy and happy and passed away peacefully as he slept. It didn’t hurt anyone.
The second one was intentional. Back in 2093, a few years after Jesus died, they decided they wanted to try again. The boy was almost three years old and was given up for adoption after his biological parents were tragically murdered. His name was Damien.
Right from the start, it was clear that Aziraphale was Damien’s favourite father, but Crowley wasn’t mad about that. They were simply adorable together. Ever since Damien learned how to read, he grew obsessed with books. He treated with such devotion and respect that Aziraphale couldn’t help to have a soft spot for him, and they would spent entire afternoons at the bookshop in London, ignoring Crowley’s phone calls.
As a young man, Damien got a journalism degree and spent the rest of his adult life travelling the world, trying exotic food and writing the best stories about each place he visited.
He got married once, to a lovely Indian woman named Puja —they got to meet her once through webcam, when Damien was old and young enough for them to properly pass as his parents—, but it didn’t last long. Damien just wasn’t made for marriage and he was more than okay with that.
He continued with his journeys until he became too tired, and spent his last days at the South Downs, sleeping at their parents’ bed each night and finally dying after a long, fulfilling life.
Evie was always different. To begin with, she was the only one they got to name. They discussed thousands of possibilities just to choose Eve and, ultimately, Evie. It felt right.
Surprisingly —considering how things went at the end—, she seemed to be the most excited about their nature of all their children. She used to love Crowley’s dark lullabies and Aziraphale’s miracles. She learned to hiss before she could even talk and she was constantly trying to grow wings —clenching her fists and making the funniest faces—. She especially enjoyed the concept of her parents never aging, able to be with her till her last breath.
Everything changed when she entered the education system, though. Unlike her older brothers, she wasn’t shy or elusive. In fact, she loved the attention. She was the most talkative in the classroom and was friend of practically the whole school. Teachers and students loved her, saying she was up to great things in the future.
How could her parents tell it’d turned out that bad? They couldn’t be prouder of her. Such a charismatic and smart girl. No one would ever fool her or make her feel inferior. She won spelling bees and writing contests and became the captain of the debating team in high school.
Then it happened. Her friends started asking questions —why didn’t her parents age? Why wasn’t she allowed to have guests at home as often as she said she wanted to? How could her father’s car work without gasoline?— and she started asking questions, too —why couldn’t she just tell them the truth instead of making up excuses they wouldn’t buy?—.
Evie grew angrier and angrier. As years went by, it was becoming extremely obvious that Crowley and Aziraphale didn’t want to be seen in public with her. Eventually, they tried to explain, someone would find out. The town wasn’t big enough, not like London, and if people they met ten years ago saw them again without a change in their bodies, it would be suspicious at least.
Soon enough, it was evident. Evie fell in love with someone and someone fell in love with her. Another popular kid. And their relationship was serious. She met his family and expected him to meet his family, too. But her family wasn’t willing to do that. They couldn’t risk what they had achieved over decades.
“I don’t care about decades,” she protested. “I’m not even two decades old and I just want a normal life. Can I have that… at all?”
They didn’t know how to answer.
Two months later, Evie seemed more content than before. Not happy, but content. When confronted about it, she confessed.
“Jamie and I are getting married.”
Crowley almost choked with the wine he was drinking. Aziraphale asked her to elaborate. She then explained that the decision was already taken and she wanted them to be at the wedding.
“It won’t be too over-the-top. Just a nice little chapel in…” Her parents looked at each other, worried. “What’s wrong?”
Aziraphale gulped and took her hand over the table.
“Sweetheart, we… we can’t just enter a chapel.”
“Why… why not?”
“Well, we stopped Armageddon and we can only hope God has completely forgotten about it. Our old superiors… they might still be quite resentful after what we did. If we go into a place of worship, well, it’s possible they find us…”
“Besides, my feet will burn as soon as I step in, and they’re supposed to think we’re indestructible, remember?”
Of course she remembered. They had told her that story a million times. She used to love it. She used to love everything about her dads.
It all went downhill from there. Evie was starting to understand what being the daughter of two celestial beings really meant, and she didn’t like it. Her husband’s father ended up walking her down the aisle, the whole family wondering what kind of parents don’t show up at the most important day of their child’s life. They couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it, either.
“I will never forgive you,” she cried when they called after the ceremony, to congratulate the bride. “I… I hate you both.”
She didn’t come back after her honeymoon. Jamie and her moved to London, where she expected to become a film producer. And she indeed did. One of the most famous ones.
They tried to call when she gave birth to the twins —they found out on TV— but she wouldn’t pick up.
Exactly eight weeks ago, they got a phone call from her number. Aziraphale and Crowley were hoping she would want to make up. However, it was Jamie. He wanted to let them now she had a heart-attack and, sadly, she didn’t recover.
“I don’t think I can do it again,” Aziraphale sobs into Crowley’s chest. “I’m so sorry, dear, but I… I can’t bury another child. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Shhh, I know, angel…” And then he adds, in a soft murmur: “Neither can I.”
“I’m just so tired, Crowley. I wish… I wish we could have normal lives. It’s like we just can’t. It’s not enough to beat Hell and Heaven. We’ll never get rid of what we are, and we were selfish enough to bring three innocent humans into the equation.”
“But… Angel, look at me. It wasn’t selfish. They… they were all alone, without a father or a mother or someone to look after them. They needed us just like we needed them. Even if Evie is up in Heaven or down in Hell, still mad at us, we saved her. And we saved her brothers, too. Angel, having those kids with you… it’s the rightest thing I’ve ever done.”
Aziraphale dries his tears with his fist and nods.
“It’s the rightest thing I’ve ever done, too… but we can never do it again. And it will always hurt me. I hope it always hurt, no matter how many millennia go by.”
Crowley nods, too.
“It will always hurt me, too, angel. But I want to enjoy the rest of our lives.”
“I’m not even sure I’ll be able to enjoy something again.”
Crowley nods again because, what more can he do?
It’s been almost a decade since Evie’s death, when Aziraphale walks into the kitchen a certain morning and finds something waiting for him on the table.
“Oh, the ladies have been doing their job, I see,” he smiles, referring to their chickens.
“Actually,” Crowley replays from his usual seat, “these are mine.”
Aziraphale’s eyes open wide as he goes to where the three eggs are resting, on the little basket they use as a centrepiece. In closer inspection, they’re clearly too yellow to be a work of the hens.
“You… you laid these? But how?”
“Trust me, angel, you don’t want the details.”
“B-but… Crowley, I…”
“Hey,” He stands up next to him, holding him, “don’t worry. They’re not fertilized. There isn’t a bunch of little snake inside them… I mean, not yet. Not unless you want it to be.”
“What…”
“Listen, I don’t want to pressure you in any way. As I told you, they’re not… babies yet. They’re just eggs. But if you do decide you want to give it a shot, you just have to bibbidi-bobbidi-boo some celestial DNA into them, wait a few months and out they go.”
Aziraphale is speechless, so Crowley keeps talking.
“I know you don’t want more human children and I understand. I know how much it hurt you to watch them die. But this… We can have them around forever. We won’t ever have to say goodbye to them.”
“This is… Crowley, this is completely out of place. We are not supposed to reproduce. We can only be created. That’s how She made us. This has never happened before…”
“We can make it happen. I know we can.”
“But… but what kind of creatures will they be?”
“Angel, what kind of creature could come out of you? It can only be fucking beautiful.”
“It’s too risky.”
“Riskier than stopping the Apocalypse?”
“Well… yes! We don’t know how it might turn out. Will they be humanoid? Will they be snakes? Or some kind of… hybrid? An entirely new being?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
“Will they be immune to both holy water and hellfire? Or will they be vulnerable to both?”
“I hope we never find out.”
“What if they turn out evil?”
“Well, that’d be clearly on your side, not mine.”
“What if… what if they try to hurt them or take them away from us?”
Crowley holds him closer.
“Angel, we would never let anything happen to them. You know that.”
“What if… what if we love them more than… than we loved the others?”
“That’s like saying we could love them more than we love each other. All parents go through that.” He gives him a short kiss. “Angel, I don’t have all the answers. Hear me out, you’re not the only one who is scared. I’m fucking terrified. And I won’t act like it’s an easy choice. Whatever comes out these eggs… it’ll be forever. Not only a few decades, but eternity. For better or worse. But I’m willing to take that risk. That and all the other risks, just like I did when I fell in love with you. So what do you say?”
Aziraphale thinks it over for a few seconds.
“If you don’t want this, we don’t do it,” Crowley insists.
That seems to help him make the decision. Aziraphale breaks the hug and focuses on the eggs. He stares at them for a moment long enough for Crowley to start worrying, and then he puts his hand on them, closes his eyes and does it. The spark of life, just like God did when it all started.
They kiss and gently caress the eggs. Aziraphale shivers.
“What happened?” Crowley asks.
“I just… I just sensed a sudden rush of… love.”
Crowley kisses him again. Even though he can’t sense the love, he definitely feels it. And until they children come out, it will be enough.