Work Text:
Kenjirou’s phone lights up on his desk.
An instagram banner lies across the screen, notifying Kenjirou that Osamu shared a post with him. Normally, Kenjirou ignores him because, well, he’s Osamu, but right now, Kenjirou is tired of studying, so he takes a break and checks the post.
It’s a picture of an orange tabby cat with long, fluffy hair and green eyes with giant pupils that make Kenjirou clutch at his heart.
For a second, Kenjirou wonders if Osamu also clutches at his heart and makes a helplessly endeared face when he sees cute kitties, but Kenjirou doesn’t ask.
The next time Osamu sends Kenjirou a cat post on Instagram, Kenjirou double taps it.
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Chat: NaCl and Miya Osamu
(17:02) Miya Osamu: I miss you
(17:02) Miya Osamu: Hang out with me
(17:03) NaCl: no
(17:03) Miya Osamu: I got a cat
(17:03) NaCl: no
(17:03) Miya Osamu: Attached image
(17:03) NaCl: fuck okay where
(17:03) Miya Osamu: Don’t tell anyone because I’m not moving out until the end of the term
(17:03) Miya Osamu: But she's in my dorm haha
(17:04) NaCl: you’re really gonna hide a cat in your room for another month
(17:04) Miya Osamu: It’s not like I have anywhere else to take her :(
(17:04) NaCl: whatever. be there in five minutes
(17:04) Miya Osamu: :) Yay Kenjirou wants to see my kitty
(17:04) NaCl: don’t say it like that, you weirdo
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Kenjirou thinks Osamu is cute sometimes. Like now, when Osamu opens the door, black kitten in hand, smile on face.
And Kenjirou melts like the wicked witch that he is.
“What’s her name?”
“Kenjirou.” Kenjirou, the human, stops melting.
“Why?”
“‘Cause she’s cute and mean, just like you.”
“I’ll kill you.” Kenjirou glares at Osamu and doesn’t waste a second in taking Kenjirou the cat into his hands.
“Careful, she scratches,” Osamu says, ushering Kenjirou in the room and closing the door dramatically when he thinks he hears someone enter the hall.
“Is that why she’s mean?”
“Yeah, and when I found her she was killing bugs beside a cardboard box.” Osamu plops onto his bed, and since there isn’t anywhere else to sit but the floor, Kenjirou sits beside him.
“I’m calling the cat ‘cat.’”
“I’m calling her kencchi,” Osamu says, petting her head with his index finger while Kenjirou holds her like Simbah in The Lion King.
“She isn’t evil.” Kencchi squeaks what's supposed to be a purr, and Kenjirou’s heart explodes, as does Osamu’s.
“She scratched me and tried to suffocate me last night.”
“Is that what that stupid red line on your wrist is?” Kenjirou asks, not really caring. “And she can't suffocate you. She’s, like, hand-sized.”
“Don’t underestimate her because she’s tiny, Kenjirou, that’s how she gets you.”
Kenjirou takes the liberty of bringing Osamu’s kitten up to his face and kissing her tiny head.
“Oh, fuck, I’m so soft for you and cats.”
Kencchi rubs her head against Kenjirou’s flushing cheek before he sets her down on his lap and continues to pet her. “Don’t say shit like that.”
“Like what?”
“You know what.”
“But I like you,” Osamu pouts, bumping shoulders with Kenjirou.
“I like your cat more than you.”
“Well yeah, she’s a cat.” Osamu wraps his arms around Kenjirou’s shoulders in an awkward side hug. Kenjirou, busy giving his attention to Kencchi, doesn’t hug Osamu back.
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Chat: NaCl and Miya Osamu
(18:33) Miya Osamu: Imyyyuyyyyyyuuyyyyyyyyyyy
(18:33) NaCl: who taught you texting acronyms?
(18:33) Miya Osamu: Usuri
(18:33) NaCl: go bother usuri instead
(18:33) Miya Osamu: But I like bothering you
(18:33) Miya Osamu:
(18:33) Miya Osamu: I put Kencchi in a skirt, and I think she’s the cutest thing ever
(18:34) Miya Osamu: Disagree, I dare you
(18:34) NaCl: i refuse your dare
(18:34) Miya Osamu: Omg you openly agree with me on something
(18:34) Miya Osamu: I never thought this day would come
(18:34) NaCl: yeah yeah whatever
(18:34) Miya Osamu: Study for our water class with me
(18:34) NaCl: okay i’ll come over
(18:34) Miya Osamu: Kencchi says she looks forward to seeing you
(18:35) NaCl: you’re so weird
(18:35) Miya Osamu: Kencchi says that’s my most redeeming quality
(18:35) NaCl: lmao
(18:35) Miya Osamu: WHAT YOU’VE NEVER TYPED THAT BEFORE EXCEPT THAT TIME I SENT YOU A MEME ONE YEAR AGO
(18:35) NaCl: shut up
(18:35) Miya Osamu: OMG I MADE YOU LAUGH
(18:35) NaCl: i’m blocking you
(18:35) Miya Osamu: I BELIEVED THAT THE FIRST THREE HUNDRED TIMES YOU SAID THAT, BUT I MADE YOU LAUGH, SO I’M NOT BUYING IT THIS TIME
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(22:04) NaCl: send pics of kencchi
(22:04) Miya Osamu: Attached images (8)
(22:05) NaCl: thanks
(22:05) Miya Osamu: :* :)
(22:05) NaCl: i wanna pet her again :(
(22:05) Miya Osamu: You okay?
(22:05) NaCl: yeah, but i’m bored bc kenji’s studying abroad this term
(22:05) Miya Osamu: I’m not abroad, and neither is kencchi. You can come to my apartment whenever you want
(22:05) NaCl: now?
(22:05) Miya Osamu: Are we gonna have a sleepover?
(22:05) NaCl: if you want, yeah
(22:05) Miya Osamu: Yes yes yesyesyesyesyeyes
(22:05) Miya Osamu: PSA: I’ve never had a sleepover before and have no idea how they work, but I’m excited!!!!!!!!!
(22:06) NaCl: lol i’ll be over in 20 mins
(22:06) Miya Osamu: Kencchi is also excited about our sleepover. She meowed when I told her.
(22:06) NaCl: cute :)
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Kenjirou’s bare skin lies on top of Osamu’s. Cotton sheets mold around Kenjirou’s back, on top of Osamu’s arms. Long fingers run through Kenjirou’s hair.
“I don’t wanna be the guy that you fuck when your boyfriend isn’t around,” Osamu thinks, but he doesn’t say. “I wonder if you ever feel the same way I do,” he thinks that, too.
Osamu is torn somewhere between lying that “I just wanna be friends” and asking, “Does he play with your hair, too?” He seems to have whispered at least one of the two subconsciously because Kenjirou replies.
“Yeah, he does.”
“Does he know?”
“He said it was okay before he left,” Kenjirou supplies a distractor.
“It’s not.”
“Whatever.”
Kencchi jumps onto the bed and crawls her way beside Kenjirou’s face. She nuzzles up next to him and falls asleep. Osamu wonders if she’s getting too attached to Kenjirou too soon (which, by the way, speaking from personal experience, Osamu strongly advises against).
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Sometimes, Osamu would sit down beside his hydrangeas, or his peace lily, or whatever plant he’d decided to buy from the florist that week, and he would begin to sketch it with a pencil. Other times, he’d go straight to the watercolor painting. But every time, he’d end up with Kenjirou on his canvas. He has plenty of Kenjirous in graphite, Kenjirous in an assortment of color palates (lavender, violets, roses, geranium).
Sometimes, Osamu thinks he should show them to Kenjirou.
Other times, Osamu thinks he’s pathetic.
Kencchi likes the rose Kenjirou, Osamu concludes when she decides to take a nap on the canvas.
Osamu likes that one, too.
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Osamu makes the mistake of leaving his apartment door unlocked.
He palms the counter to aid in his rise from slumber. Kencchi sleeps on gloxinia Kenjirou today, and real Kenjirou stares down at her, or at gloxinia Kenjirou, rather. His eyes are a fiery pink, lashes a deep green, hair a dark purple.
Osamu blinks as he sits up on his stool and registers the scene unfolding at the marble counter he paints on.
“What's that?” Kenjirou asks, his gaze still fixed on purple, diagonally-cut bangs.
Osamu realizes that it’s totally Against The Rules to make art of someone without asking ascertaining his permission first. And yet, he still says, “I draw you sometimes,” his gaze fixed on, well, anywhere but the Kenjirou standing above him.
“Can I keep it?” Kenjirou asks.
Osamu fails to discreetly pinch himself, and when he’s sure this is reality, he agrees, “Yeah, once the Great Kencchi rises from her slumber.” It’s not like he doesn’t own nine million more canvases with Kenjirou’s face on them, anyway.
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Chat: Miya Osamu and Yahaba
(01:12) Miya Osamu: Why are Kenjirou and Futakuchi on a break?
(01:12) Yahaba: So they don’t have to be sexually frustrated while Futanari prances through Italy, I’m assuming. Why?
(01:12) Miya Osamu: Because Kenjirou kissed me for the first time in two years, and it didn’t feel right knowing that he’s on a break with someone else.
(01:13) Yahaba: Yeah, that's something you should talk to loverboy about
(01:13) Miya Osamu: Yeah, I should.
Osamu thinks about how he might bring it up in casual conversation. He also thinks about how Kenjirou might hate him and run away should he bring it up in casual conversation. He thinks he won’t bring it up.
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Today, Kenjirou lies on his side, resting his head on his arm and staring at Osamu a few inches across the sheets.
Osamu mirrors the pose and resists the urge to brush Kenjirou’s hair out of his eyes and place a chaste kiss on his lips. Nowadays, that seems more obscene than pushing Kenjirou down against the bed and kissing between his legs.
Maybe two years ago, Osamu would have been semi-content with this — the friends-with-benefits scenario.
But today, Osamu loves Kenjirou more than he ever has, and tomorrow, Osamu will love Kenjirou more than he ever has, and a week from now Osamu will love Kenjirou more than he ever has, and Osamu is simply dissatisfied with unrequited love, unsaid or not.
Osamu closes his eyes in a foolish attempt to will himself asleep, but Kenjirou grazes Osamu’s bicep with his fingers, and he tells him, “Goodnight,” with the gentlest of smiles, and suddenly, Osamu doesn’t want to sleep anymore.
Against his better judgement, Osamu leans just slightly forward to peck at Kenjirou’s lips, and when Kenjirou kisses back and giggles and smiles at him, his heart is broken.
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“I hope you know Kencchi is the only reason I’m here,” Kenjirou says, sitting on the new addition of the pink bean bag in Osamu's bedroom. He looks at Kencchi in his lap through tortoise glasses, and his eyes are so bright and fond when he looks at her that Osamu thinks he’s jealous for a second.
Jealous of a damn cat.
Osamu’s wished Kenjirou would look at him like that for the past three years, and he looks at the cat like that after a mere three months.
Cats are assholes. Love-stealing assholes.
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This morning, Osamu looks down at a daffodil yellow Kenjirou. His brush paints details onto bright orange eyes, onto an even brighter smile.
And Osamu doesn’t even realize what’s happening until he’s mixing his tears with his watercolor, and the colors desaturate, and he pushes the canvas aside and buries his face in his arms.
[10:24 a.m.
From: Kenjirou]
i’m coming over in five minutes
[10:24 a.m.
To: Kenjirou]
Okay
[10:24 a.m.
From: Kenjirou]
where are your exclamations and smiley emoticons?
[10:24 a.m.
To: Kenjirou]
!!!! :) ! :) !
Osamu wipes the tears off of his wrists and onto his apron, and he walks to the sink to baptize himself.
He puts on a pretty, easy smile for Kenjirou when he opens the door, and he gives him a hug, not that he expects Kenjirou to reciprocate.
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“It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like you were ever my boyfriend, or anything.”
Osamu resists the urge to reach across the short distance between them and pull Kenjirou into a kiss that might incite him to change his mind. Kenjirou probably wouldn’t change his mind, anyway. He’s stubborn, and he’s fixed on not liking Osamu even though they text everyday, and they gush about the cats of the internet together, and they talk about their favorite volleyball players, and they send each other good morning and goodnight texts.
Kenjirou is also fixed on liking Futakuchi Kenji and sending him good morning messages with heart emojis, and buying him sour gummies, and holding his hand in the street, and giving him hello-kisses and goodbye-hugs.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Osamu says, proud that his voice hasn’t cracked even as he feels his mouth go dry. “He’s probably better for you since he’s closer,” Osamu wants to say, but there’s this giant mass of heartache stuffed in his throat, silencing him.
They’re next to each other, Kenjirou lying on Osamu’s bed, and Osamu sitting on the floor, but they text anyway.
Chat: Miya Osamu and NaCl
(20:47) Miya Osamu: I just wish you told me instead of Usuri :/
(20:48) NaCl: why does it even matter?
(20:48) Miya Osamu: Never mind
(20:48) Miya Osamu: You’re right lol
(20:48) NaCl: i really, really, really like him
(20:48) Miya Osamu: I know. You talk about him a lot
(20:48) NaCl: you like him too, right? not in the same way, but you know what i mean
(20:49) Miya Osamu: Yeah
(20:49) NaCl: cool, so it shouldn’t be a big deal that kenji’s my boyfriend now
(20:49) Miya Osamu: I want to be your boyfriend
(20:49) NaCl: you know i don’t see you like that
Osamu’s phone clinks against the hardwood floor, and Kenjirou’s against Osamu’s end table.
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Futakuchi Kenji is back from Europe, and now he’s hot shit, and Osamu is cold shit because Futakuchi and Kenjirou’s break is over.
Nonetheless, Osamu sits at his marble counter with Kencchi in his lap, and he paints Kenjirou a red carnation. The petals droop, and the stem browns. He paints a pair of brighter brown eyes behind the stem and razor sharp bangs behind the petals.
He doesn’t want to think about Kenjirou’s lips right now, or ever again, so he fades the rest of his face into a pale red oblivion, brushing “I miss you” where there should be a jawline and adding more water, so the letters dissolve.