Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Funky Lesbian changed group name “ Voltrons bitches ” to “ Voltron is just furry propaganda ” 8:00 pm

9:00 pm

Loverboy : hey bitches i have a problem

Loverboy : ok i have 2 problems one is mullet related and the other is why tf is our group name about furries

Funkylesbian : It’s important

Funkylesbian : The world needs to know the truth

Sunshine : Lance!!! whats the mullet tea

Loverboy : the mullet tea is hes a dumbass and i want him to crush me

Funkylesbian : ew

Loverboy : istg pidge 

Sunshine : ok but we already knew that

Loverboy : No you dont UnDeRStANd!!!

Loverboy : I like that hes a dumb ass

Funkylesbian : Dumbasses supporting dumbasses

Loverboy : HWO DARE U GREMLIN

Funkylesbian : ur oversharing ur kinks again and im not here for it

Funkylesbian : I just wanna enjoy my space goo in peace u godless heathen

Sunshine :um,,, how did you find out u like that he’s a dumbass ?

Loveboy : well my first clue was that when he thought his dog would tell him its name i thought it was adorable

Funkylesbian : ew

Loverboy : but you’ll never guess what he fcking said to me and my cow

Sunshine : What did he say???? I thought u two would have a great time milking Kaltenecker!!!

Loverboy : We did!!!! hes was like being so cute and was asking about my family and cuba and istg if i didnt have Kaltenecker there to support me I would have been a puddle on the ground it was adorable and i was a mess BUT THEN

Funkylesbian : ew x2

Loverboy : he’s asking about spanish and he knew like some of it because hes texas kogane or wahtever

Loverboy : AND THIS BOY ASKS ME

Loverboy : WHAT THE SPANISH WORD FOR TORTILLA IS

Loverboy : AND NOW I DREAM OF KISSING HIM UNDER THE MOONLIGHT

Funkylesbian : Is the cow there when ur kissing

Loverboy : PIDGE NOW IS NOT THE GOD DAMN TIME

Loveboy : BUT YES 

Sunshine : Keith,,, wanted to know what the spanish word for tortilla is

Sunshine : like, he, wait

Funkylesbian : I have never loved an idiot more 

Funkylesbian : I am so proud to be surrounded by so many gay idiots

Funkylesbian : if the gay idiots on this team were replaced with butches the universe would have been saved in a month tops

Funkylesbian : tops ha

Loverboy : IM LITERALLY HAVING A CRISIS AND YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT LESBiNS

Funkylesbian : WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO THINK ABOUT U TWINK BITCH

Sunshine : ...tortilla…

Loverboy : Hunk uve gotta help me how do I stop him

Loverboy : I want him to bench press me and also throw me out a window

Sunshine : um so,,, ure asking me to help u ask him out right ? i dont think we can change how he thinks

Funkylesbian : yeah and if ur asking for help with that idk why ur texting this group chat

Funkylesbian : Im a lesbian i dont ask people out I thrist over girls and then i die

Loverboy : I really should have just asked hunk bc u r a useless lesbian

Loverboy : HUNK U BEAUTIFUL GLORIOUS RAY OF SUN HELP MY DUMB GAY ASS

Sunshine : tell him u like him

Loverboy :...

Loverboy : no

Loverboy : this was useless im going to bed

Funkylesbian : good night u useless homosexual

Sunshine : they r both a mess

Funkylesbian : i fucking love them

---

I say Vol you say Tron

Princess : Good morning paladins!!!!! I hope you all had a fantastic night’s rest. Make sure to grab breakfast this morning, we have a lot of training to do today!! <3

Funkylesbian :  its early I want to die

Spacedaddy : Hunk’s sending out breakfast burritos for everyone, we need to keep up our strength for our next battle!

Funkylesbian : I want to die but of a heart attack after eating all of hunks food

Sunshine : Aww!! Thanks pidge!!! 

Spacedaddy : no ones allowed to die

Mullet : U literally died

Mullet : WILL YALL STOP CHAnGING MY NAME TO MULLET

“Mullet” has changed named to “Kogayne”

Loverboy : cut it u bitch

Kogayne : WHY R U SO OBSESSED WITH MY HAIR

Loverboy : I SAID CUT IT U BITCH

Funkylesbian : wait has keith ever not had a mullet

Funkylesbian : I feel like he would be too powerful

Spacedaddy : He’s had a mullet in all the baby pictures I have seen let him live his mullet life please 

Spacedaddy : Adam tried to cut it and keith pulled out one of his knives

Funkylesbian : I’m tired of all these bitches kinks

Funkylesbian : lances dumbass kink, keiths knife kink

Funkylesbian : if anyone else tells me another kink in the next 24 hours im yeeting myself out the window

Kogayne : whats a dumbass kink

Loverboy : why do i even talk to pidge about anything

Funkylesbian : bs ill find out anyway

Sunshine : so uh,,, what does everyone think about todays burrito? Need more spice?

Princess : The food was delicious as always, Hunk!

Princess : I do have to ask though, what is a “kink”?

Loverboy :...

Loverboy : LOOK WHAT UVE DONE PIDGE

Loverboy : NOW WE HAE TO TELL AN ALTEAN PRINCESS WHAT A KINK IS

Funkylesbian : kinks are things people like in a sexual way

Funkylesbian : for example, if someone likes to be bound up during sex thats a kink

Princess :Oh! So, what does a knife kink entail? Because Keith is quite good with a knife!!

Sunshine : oh my god

Loverboy : …

Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.

Loverboy : this is too much

Funkylesbian : WELL usually it means someone likes to run their knives down someones body lightly and they feel that metal and dangerous sensation, 

Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.

Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.

Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.

Funkylesbian : OR sometimes people like feeling threatened or threatening people with knives!! It usually a bit of a dominant and submissive type thing! :)

Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.

Kogayne : PIDGE I HATE YOU

Funkylesbian : ;)

Princess : Well, that’s very… interesting… and the dumbass kink? What does that mean?

Funkylesbian : thats a lance thing i have no clue

Loverboy : how dare u

Kogayne : yeah what in tarnation is a dumbass kink

Loverboy : ...

Loverboy : I hate this family

Loverboy : dont we have training to do?!!!!?!!!? haha :)

Funkylesbian : tell them about ur dumbass kink, coward

Loverboy : i cant read

Spacedaddy : ok, lance is right its time for training. We need to keep our wits about us in case of any danger we might run into on our way back to Earth!

Loverboy : thank god

Funkylesbian : coward

Sunshine: uh,,,, so i hope everyone enjoyed the burritos! I think im gonna try and make a grilled cheese type thing with some of this weird cheese like thing i found on planet Xes

Loverboy : Hunk ur too good for us

Sunshine : Aww!!! You guys are just sex driven heathens

Funkylesbian : u right

---

I say Vol you say Tron

Loverboy : i miss earth

Sunshine we’ll be there soon, buddy!!! 

Loverboy : not soon enough. I havent been to the ocean in so long, I havent seen my family for SO LONG. :(

Spacedaddy : I’m sure they’ll be so happy to see you, Lance. We’ve all done some amazing things and pushed ourselves so much, we are all in need of a bit of familial love. 

Princess : What is the ocean like?

Loverboy : oh man, you’d love it!!! There are so many wonderful beaches in cuba and my family and i all pack up in our van and sit in the sand and the water is so clear and the waves are AWESOME! 

Loverboy :My little sister likes to find shells along the beach and its so cute because she picks up every shell, beautiful or broken, and gives it to us like its lost treasure. 

Loverboy : I would walk with her and she would walk me so far along the beach until she got tired and I had to carry her back

Kogayne : that’s amazing.

Princess : Oh my! That sounds lovely! You’ll have to take us to the beach, and to meet your family!

Sunshine : his family is awesome. His abuelita is one of the funniest people ive ever met, and a wonderful cook

Loverboy : high praise from the master chef himself!!!!

Sunshine : I miss my family too. They were so proud of me for getting into the garrison, I cant wait to see them again

Loverboy : thats it. Our families are going to have a dinner party. My abuelita vs. yours, who has the best family recipes

Sunshine : oh, you are ON!

Funkylesbian :can i be the judge? My family cant cook

Loverboy: everyone is invited to the family cookout, the McClains always make too much food and we need someone to eat it all 

Spacedaddy : That’s such a fantastic idea for all of us to get together at! I could bring Adam? I might not tell him its an abuelita cook off or his will come too

Loverboy : YES!! I so want to see Adam again!! I miss him and his spanish !!

Loverboy : ok so, we have Hunk and his family, Pidge and hers, Allura and Coran,Shiro and Adam, Keith and Krolia… oh god, is there gonna be enough seating????? My family is huge

Hunk : my house is way too small to hold half the people coming, but I’m sure we can get some tables and chairs from somewhere!!! This is gonna be awesome!!!!!!

Kogayne : I’m invited too?

Loverboy :...

Loverboy : uh, yeah? Why do u not want to go?

Loverboy : like, thats fine i guess but like it was gonna be fun so like whatever i guesss

Kogayne: NONNONON!!! I want to go I jsut didnt realize I was invited

Loverboy : /?????????? why would u not be invited wtf Keith

Loverboy : but if ur dog doesnt come too im kicking u out until u bring him to me

Loverboy : I love him too much and he is the only one keeping this family together

Kogayne : thanks uh he loves you too?

Loverboy : you’re damn right he does. 

Loverboy : I love this family

---

Voltron is just furry propaganda 

Loverboy : Why did keith think he wouldnt be invited to the dinner party

Loverboy : this doesnt feel dumb ass related this feels actually like,,, sad 

Loverboy : does he think we arent friends????????????

Funkylesbian : Lance u saw what he was like at the garrison

Funkylesbian : hes not used to having friends u have to tell him stuff like this 

Funkylesbian : he wasnt friends like we were before this

Sunshine : He’s probably scared things will go back to the way it was and we all will forget about this adventure :((

Sunshine : he needs a hug

Loverboy : that emo boy is tugging at all my heart strings istg

---

Private message : Keith Kogane

Lance: hey!! So about earlier!! Sorry if u felt excluded from the planning!! Please come to the dinner party its gonna be so fun

Lance : My family is going to love to meet you and my mom might actually try to adopt you while she tells you to eat more and force feeds you rice

Keith : No its all good i just felt kinda awkward not really having a uh family back on earth

Keith : i dont really know what Krolia is doing after all this and i guess i jsut got worried thinking about living in the desert again

Lance : yeah your conspiracy theory shack was a bit cramped and uh weird

Lance : when i saw the string of clues board hanging on the wall i was like oh god this boy has gone insane 

Keith :it wasnt a conspiracy theory there was literally a spaceship and aliens are real

Lance : ok but did u own a tinfoil hat at any point living there

Keith : lance i swear to god

Lance : Thats a yes

Keith : ALIENS ARE LITERALLY REAL LANCE

Lance : OH MY FUCK GOD THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Lance : DO U BELIEVE IN BIG FOOT

Keith : MAYBE

Lance : OH MY GOD

Lance : I want to help u find him

Lance : have u ever heard of Mothman

Keith : uh yeah? Of course?

Lance : we have to find mothman

Keith : why

Lance : have u seen the statue of him

Keith : uh yeah?

Lance : that ass is fatter than mine. It should be illegal.

Keith : you do have a great ass

Lance : ...

Keith : uh

Lance : … thank you for noticing I swear to god no one appreciates what my ass is doing for this family

Lance : I am serving everyone Kardashian realness and no one seems to care

Keith : um

Keith : you’re welcome?

Lance : god bless you. 

Voltron is furry propaganda 

Loverboy : I want to Keith to fuck me

FunkyLesbian : Well I want to get fucked by Captain Marvel so obviously we dont always what we want in life now do we

Chapter Text

(next day)

I say Vol you say Tron

Sunshine : Time for lunch!!!!!

Sunshine : I uh tried to make the grilled cheese taste better this time

Sunshine : those mushrooms just werent right

Princess : Don’t worry about it, Hunk! We’re all trying to do our best out here :) 

Funkylesbian : I want to marry grilled cheese. 

Funkylesbian : not this one though, like a real one

Funkylesbian : no offense Hunk

Sunshine : I MISS REAL INGREDIENTS

Sunshine : AGH

Kogayne : Anyone else feel like all we talk about is food?

Funkylesbian : we have nothing else to talk about

Loverboy : ugh. This is so boring

Loverboy : is there anything we can do to like pass the time

Princess : Actually, funny you should bring that up!

Princess : Coran and I were talking and there is a peaceful planet thats part of the alliance nearby that I was thinking we could spend the night at :)!!!!

Princess : I hailed them and they said they said they would be happy to host us for the night!!!! 

Sunshine : WE GET TO SLEEP IN REAL BEDS?

Loverboy : OH MY GOD IM 

Loverboy : IM SO EXCITED ASDFGLHLD

Kogayne : whats the catch?

Princess : Catch? :)

Kogayne : if we have to like go to a dinner or make a speech I might die

Funkylesbian : Same

Princess : well, we do have to go to a dinner, and I am making a speech…

Princess : ! But, it will be worth it to sleep comfortably, right?

Princess : No more fake “grilled cheese”? :))))

Princess : I thought you would be THRILLED!!! :)))))))

Funkylesbian : Alluras literally gonna kill us if we dont go 

Kogayne : I can only wish for the sweet relief of death

Spacedaddy : Keith, we talked about this.

Kogayne : IM KIDDING

Kogayne : QUIT LURKING SHIRO

Spacedaddy : Im too old for this chat I never know whats going on

Spacedaddy : I thought being gay would make me hip enough to understand

Spacedaddy : Im tired of being named spacedaddy but i dont know how to change my name. 

Loverboy : pls dont change ur name its the only thing holding this groupchat together

Loverboy : Also thanks allura for scoring us some beds and food!! My back and I need it 

“Spacedaddy” has changed name to “Shiro”

Shiro : Thanks Keith! 

Loverboy : I think im gonna cry

Funkylesbian : Lance get ur daddy kink out of my christian minecraft  server

Loverboy : AJFJAF I DONT HAVE A DADDY KINK IT WAS JUST FUNNY :(

Funkylesbian : I DONT TRUST U AND UR KINKS

Kogayne : wait so on this topic

Kogayne : im still confused

Kogayne : whats a dumbass kink?

Funkylesbian : KEITH I LOVE YOU

Funkylesbian : Lance if u dont tell him im yeeting you out the window

Loverboy : afjllaifeofjei

Loverboy : look theres no such thing as a dumbass kink

Loverboy : Pidge is just rude

Kogayne : i mean, it sounds pretty real to me since you seem to be avoiding it. 

Sunshine : Keith dont do this to him hes not ready

Loverboy : …

Kogayne : Just tell me! I’m just

Kogayne : curious

Loverboy : its seriously nothing I jsut made a comment to Hunk and Pidge about this cute guy who said something dumb thats it 

Loverboy : and they decided I have a dumb ass kink

Funkylesbian : thats because you do 

Kogayne : A cute guy?

Loverboy : um,,,,, yeah

Loverboy : A cute guy.

Kogayne: um uh

Kogayne :... you’re gay? 

Loverboy : um

Loverboy : ...

Loverboy : what the fuck.

Funkylesbian :OH MY FCUKING GOD

Funkylesbian : KEITH 

Funkylesbian : YOU DISASTER GAY OH MY GOD

Kogayne : ????? whats going on

Loverboy : Keith.

Loverboy : Keith im bi. 

Loverboy : YOU DIDNT KNOW IM BI? 

Kogayne : NO NO ONE TOLD ME HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW 

Loverboy : OH MY GOD

Allura : This may be the wrong time to ask, but what is “bi”?

Sunshine : Oh!!! Bi means you like all genders!!!

Sunshine : So yeah Lance likes every gender !

Funkylesbian : im gay 

Sunshine : Pidge I-

Sunshine : Yeah? We know 

Funkylesbian : i jsut wanted to make sure everyone knows i like girls

Allura : Oh!! We did not have names like this in Altea :) I am also what you call “bi”? 

Funkylesbian : oh

Funkylesbian : … nice.

Loverboy : YES BI ICONS!!!!! OH MY GOD ALLURA THATS AWESOME!!!!

Loverboy : wait

Loverboy : so when I caught you and Romelle wrestling was that

Loverboy : was that

Princess : … um

Funkylesbian : WLW ARE WINNING 

Sunshine : IM PANSEXUAL

Funkylesbian: I LOVE YOU HUNK

Loverboy : MARRY ME HUNK

Shiro : oh my god

Shiro : gays do travel in packs

Shiro : im so proud of all of you youre gonna make an old queen cry

Kogayne : Shiro youre 26

Shiro : im gonna cry 

---

Voltron is just furry propaganda 

Loverboy : ok nerds we have a lot to unpack before we land on the alliance planet or whatever

Loverboy : first of all Keith is still trying to figure out my “dumb ass kink” so thanks for that

Loverboy : second of all Allura is bi everyone on this team is queer

Loverboy : and lastly 

Loverboy : KEITH DIDNT KNOW I WAS G

Loverboy : GAY

Loverboy : IVE LITERALLY BEEN FLIRTING WITH HIM FOR YEARS ASFGLKJF

Funkylesbian : dumbasses supporting dumbasses

Loverboy : PIDGE THIS IS SERIOUS 

Funkylesbian : yeah ik u need to tell keith you’re attracted to his dumbass

Loverboy : haha lol

Loverboy : anyway 

Loverboy : Allura and Romelle are going to be such a good power couple oh my god

Funkylesbian : every lesbian couple is a powercouple

Funkylesbian : you know who else would be a power couple 

Funkylesbian : u and Keith <3

Loverboy : this is so exciting! I dont know why Keith is so hung up on the dumbass kink though

Funkylesbian : bc he wants to fulfill all ur kinks

Funkylesbian : little did he know hes doing a great job just adding to the list

Loverboy : …

Loverboy : I

Loverboy : god dammit pidge

Loverboy : would you stop.

Funkylesbian : stop what?

Loverboy : with the keith thing

Funkylesbian : but you guys are into each other?

Loverboy : he didnt even know I was gay

Loverboy : he obviously isnt paying attention to me

Funkylesbian : i mean yeah hes really bad at reading people?

Funkylesbian : he just didnt know

Loverboy : He doesnt think about me the way i do him

Loverboy : Quit pushing it, Pidge.

Loverboy : It’s never gonna happen.

Loverboy : He doesn’t like me.

Sunshine : woah Lance buddy

Sunshine : thats not true.

Sunshine : I mean, keith just didnt know. He;s totally into you! How could he not be?

Loverboy : right. 

Loverboy : yeah

Loverboy : well im just gonna

Loverboy : take a short nap 

Loverboy : talk to you guys later

Sunshine : lance :(

Funkylesbian : fuck

Funkylesbian : i just 

Funkylesbian : fuck

Private Message: Keith Kogane

Lance : Hey

Keith : …

Keith : hey

Lance : so like 

Lance : you seriously didn’t know?

Keith : idk was I supposed to?

Lance : i mean… yeah

Lance : I thought I made it very obvious I liked boys but 

Lance : I mean I guess not

Keith : yeah uh

Keith : sorry

Lance : sorry?

Keith : uh yeah sorry

Keith : for um not knowing

Keith : i mean I probably should have seen it with all the flirting

Lance : Yeah?

Keith : Yeah. 

Keith : I mean you were all over Shiro when we all first met haha

Lance :Shiro?

Keith : yes?

Lance : um yeah... all over Shiro

Keith : yeah

Keith : well anyway

Keith : so uh who’s the cute guy?

Lance Cute guy?

Keith : yeah? the one you were talking about with pidge and hunk?

Lance : oh.

Lance : no one.

Keith : um, ok?

Lance : yeah

Lance : It’s just not gonna work out with him.

Keith : that sucks

Keith : where did you meet him?

Lance : nowhere. what do you care?

Keith : i dont know! I’m just being friendly or whatever.

Lance : well cut it out.

Keith : cut it out?

Lance : I dont want to talk about it.

Keith : Why?

Lance : What do you mean why?

Lance : It’s none of your business, Keith.

Keith : … ok.

Keith : I didnt know this guy meant so much to you

Lance : yeah, I know.

Lance : fuck

Lance : I uh met him a while ago but it took me a long time to realise i have feelings for him.

Lance : maybe too long.

Lance : he just is so gorgeous and kind and I think him and I just work really well together.

Lance : he usually knows how to cheer me up when I need it.

Lance : usually. 

Keith : he sounds nice

Lance : yeah, but sometimes he’s an oblivious dickwad.

Keith : oof

Lance : it’s really scary. Liking someone the way i do.

Keith : I remember I really liked this kid at the garrison.

Keith : he was totally obnoxious but really cute

Lance : Aww!!! Little Keithy had a crush

Keith : yeah, I did. 

Lance : what was their name?

Keith : Taylor. 

Keith : he was an awesome pilot, or would have been if he was able to focus when he was flying.

Lance : ... and his name was Taylor? You’re sure?

Keith : i mean, kinda? I never actually talked to him. I was WAY too shy for that haha

Lance : I guess I just don’t remember anyone there named Taylor 

Keith : really? I thought you would. I figured you were kinda popular there. He didn’t get into the pilot class i guess because I didn’t really see him around anymore, but maybe he just went somewhere else?

Lance : yeah, maybe.

Lance : anyway, uh, no current crushes for you right now? Any boy you’re looking to raise 3 little mullet babies with? 

Keith : mullet babies?

Keith : I’m not really focusing on that right now… I mean, who knows if I’ll survive this war. I can’t do that to someone

Lance : oh, i mean that makes sense. 

Keith : yeah. And I really haven’t ever had much luck in relationships or whatever. I never even got the courage to talk to Taylor once. I’m better off alone. 

Lance : Keith...

Keith : Anyways,  I really hope it works out between you and this mystery guy. I think he’s really missing out. 

Lance : … I hope it does too.

Keith : i’ll talk to you later, I’m gonna go train with Krolia for a bit.

Lance : ok. Talk to you later man

Keith : talk to you later Lance

---

Private Message: Lance McClain 

4:30 pm

Keith :  I’m sorry. I really like you. [deleted]

Keith : I know you like someone else, so I get it if you don’t want to be friends anymore because of this? I dont know [deleted]

Keith : I didn’t mean to ask about the stupid guy so much, I just knew you had talked about it with Pidge and Hunk and I just wanted to talk about things with you too. I wanted to be friends so bad and… I wanted to be the cute guy you liked. I’m obviously a bad friend. I just really thought we balanced each other out. You were someone I could rely on when Shiro was gone and I treasured your time as my right hand man. Or uh, I still do. I hope I can. The guy that rejected you is so fucking dumb and you can do so much better. And uh, sorry about not seeing that you’re bi sooner. I guess I just thought it was wishful thinking. [deleted]

---

I say Vol you say Tron

Loverboy : GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!! 

Loverboy : that planet was awesome. The food was delicious. lets go home.

Sunshine : agreed! Only a little bit of travelling left to go!

Princess : I’m so excited to finally see earth and meet all your families!

Funkylesbian : I cant wait to see my dog again

Funkylesbian : Bae bae is too good for this world

Loverboy : Pidge I always thought u would be a cat person

Funkylesbian : I would lay down all of our lives for bae bae

Funkylesbian : I like both. How dare u.

Loverboy : I also thought keith would be a cat person

Funkylesbian : Keith is just touch starved

Kogayne : I want all the dogs

Kogayne : every dog

Funkylesbian : why

Kogayne : I want them

Loverboy : Keith and his army of dogs are gonna take down the galra empire 

Funkylesbian : I love everything about that

Loverboy : no need for Voltron when Keith and his dogs are on the job

Funkylesbian : finally we can retire

Sunshine : Keith with an army of dogs is the cutest thing I have heard in a long time

Loverboy : It’s adorable and its the future

Loverboy : once this is all over we use all our money to just buy Keith every dog

Kogayne : nice

Shiro : Adam’s allergic to dogs

Kogayne : kill adam

Shiro : No.

Kogayne : please

Shiro : no army of dogs. 

Kogayne : this sucks

Kogayne : I’m going back to my shack to raise the dogs 

Shiro : no you’re not

Kogayne : fine

Shiro : why was your solution kill adam

Kogayne : a life without dogs is not a life worth living

Kogayne : If he’s allergic to my space dog ill fight him

Shiro : I doubt he will be i dont think he’s allergic to space dander?

Loverboy : Adam being allergic to dogs is the saddest thing ive heard today

Shiro : He’s more of a cat person anyway

Shiro : We have a balinese cat, Blanche

Shiro : She’s hypoallergenic (just in case) and loves watching the golden girls with Adam

Loverboy : Adam is everything  I want to be when I’m grown up

Loverboy : I just want to sit on the couch with my cat and my muscled boyfriend watching old lady sitcoms

Shiro : yeah its pretty nice

Shiro : I miss him

Shiro : Hes gonna kick my ass when we get back

Shiro : its gonna be great

Kogayne : ew

Loverboy : aww

Shiro : yeah, he’s great

Shiro : if anything happens to adam I will kill everyone and then myself

Kogayne : thats not a good thing ?

Funkylesbian : a disaster gay we can all look up to

Funkylesbian : I cant believe adam is the distinguished gay and shiro the disaster

Sunshine : Does that make Keith the functional gay?

Funkylesbian : that meme is a myth theres no such thing as a functional gay 

Funkylesbian : and Keith is also a disaster gay

Kogayne : u right

Shiro : I still remember Keith’s old Garrison crush!

Kogayne Ugh.

Sunshine : cute!!!

Funkylesbian : TELL US ALL ABOUT IT!!!

Kogayne : Ugh.

Shiro : All I know is that he had dark brown eyes and was a great pilot

Funkylesbian : oooo a pilot hmm

Kogayne : Ugh.

Funkylesbian : Keith r u gonna say anything except ugh

Kogayne : no

Funkylesbian : valid gay move

Sunshine : Now i kinda want to know who it is

Funkylesbian : akjdienfenfo me too 

Kogayne: … Ugh.

Kogayne: It was a cute boy named Taylor.

Funkylesbian : Taylor?

Funkylesbian : There wasn’t a pilot named Taylor

Kogayne: yeah he left before everyone got placed 

Kogayne: I never saw him after I joined pilot class…

Funkylesbian : yeah but no one in our year was named taylor?

Sunshine : Yeah, I also don’t remember a Taylor

Kogayne: what do you mean?????

Kogayne: cute, freckles, nice hair, from Cuba? 

Kogayne: He said that weird line about threading the needle?

Funkylesbian : … jesus fucking christ. 

Funkylesbian : you mean the line Lance says?

Kogayne: uh yeah?

Kogayne: wait, but Lance said he didn’t know who Taylor was?

Sunshine : oh my god. 

Kogayne: Did he just forget who Taylor was?

Funkylesbian : aklfJwjfsfkejfksnefjengeg

Funkylesbian : someone call 911 im having a heart attack

Shiro : Keith…

Kogayne: WHAT? I don’t get it what’s happening

Loverboy : oh my god

Kogayne: Whats happening?????

Funkylesbian : Keith, I dont want to be the one that has to break this to you, but Lance has brown eyes freckles and is from Cuba

Funkylesbian : he also was a cargo pilot.

Loverboy : oh my god

Kogayne : oh. 

Kogayne : Oh. Ok.

Loverboy : oh my god

Sunshine : … that’s kinda cute actually?

Kogayne : It’s really not.

Funkylesbian : why did you think his name was Taylor?

Kogayne: I DONT KNOW. 

Funkylesbian : this is so wild

Funkylesbian : this some real dumbass kink shit

Kogayne : I’m glad you’re enjoying this.

Kogayne : I’m really glad you’re all enjoying this. 

Sunshine : Keith! It was so long ago! No ones like judging or laughing at you

Sunshine : It’s just kinda cute since Lance is… y’know

Sunshine : Lancey

Loverboy : Hey!

Sunshine : I love you Lance but you’re a disaster bi

Loverboy : I am a FUNCTIONAL bi.

Funkylesbians : Lance u are not 

Loverboy : >:( 

Loverboy : This confirms something though

Sunshine : what?

Loverboy : the dumbass kink is real

Funkylesbian : yeah we been done knew

Loverboy : NO,,, It’s time i make an announcement

Funkylesbian : jesus christ

Loverboy : *clears throat*

Loverboy : My name is Lance McClain and I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

Funkylesbian : AKFJEFNIOEJFIEF

Funkylesbian : you dramatic twink im gonna throw u out the window

Funkylesbian: i love you

Sunshine : I’m so proud of my morosexual best friend

Loverboy : (✿◠‿◠)

Kogayne : … Didn’t I ask you what the spanish word for tortilla was?

Loverboy : yes u did u dumbass 

Loverboy : look what uve done to me

Shiro : wait, seriously?

Loverboy : Yes.

Shiro : holy shit

Shiro : Keith, you grew up in Texas.

Shiro : you took 4 years of Spanish.

Kogayne : I KNOW. 

Kogayne : wait,,, am I the asshole guy who doesnt like you back????

Loverboy : …. Maybe.

Kogayne : uh

Kogayne : hold on 

Funkylesbian : I love two (2) dumbasses.

Funkylesbian : fuck I love gays

---

Private Message: Lance McClain

Keith : Lance, I like you

Keith : like a lot.

Keith : I like you a lot a lot.

Lance … what

Lance : you literally just told me you didn’t like anyone

Lance : that you didn’t want to because of the war

Keith : well yeah

Keith : I wasn’t going to tell you I fucking like you 

Lance : Keith you are such a dumb ass.

Lance : I have been flirting with you for SO LONG

Lance : and I finally find out you like me after you thought my goddamn name was Taylor and had a crush on me

Keith : …

Keith : dumbass kink?

Lance : Get your fucking dog and teleport into my lion right now you fucking gay. 

---

Voltron is just furry propaganda 

Loverboy : GAY

Loverboy : VERY GAY

Loverboy : IM GAY 

Loverboy : KEITH AND I ARE DATING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunshine : IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funkylesbian : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Funkylesbian : IM SO PROUD OF MY DUMB GAYS 

Loverboy : KEITH CUTE GOOD KISS AGH

Loverboy : I. Lov. EFGAFFE

Sunshine : GOOD KISSS?/???????????????

Funkylesbian : oh you whore!!! Im so proud

Funkylesbian : my little kinky bitches 

Loverboy : im so fucki9ing happy 

Loverboy : I wanted to tell you both first im gonna go scream in the other chat now

Sunshine : !!!! im so happy for you !!!!!!!!

---

I say Vol you say Tron

Loverboy : I would like to inform everyone that keith and I are now dating and very happy. 

Shiro : Congrats you two!! I’m so proud of you both!!!

Funkylesbian : IM SO FUCKY HAPPPY FOR YOU BOTH IM SCREAMING 

Sunshine : !!! So happy for both of you!!!!!!!!

Kogayne : …  <3

Princess : I’m so happy for both of you! I am sorry I was unable to participate in the conversation leading up to it, I have been very confused by almost everything you all have been saying

Princess : and not to take away from your announcement but…

Princess : Romelle and I are also officially dating now, so I have been busy with… that.

Loverboy : THATS AWESOME!!! 

Sunshine : omg congrats!!!!!!!!!

Funkylesbian : ALLURA THATS SO AWESOME OMFG VOLTRON IS GAY AND THRIVING !!!!!! BEING A SINGLE GAY IS ILLEGAL

Funkylesbian : Keith and lance, allura and romelle, hunk and shay, shiro and adam

Funkylesbian : we dont show enough hunk pride. Hunk i love you

Sunshine : !!!! I love you too Pidge!!! 

Funkylesbian : im a single gay bc im too powerful 

Loverboy : thats valid

---

Kogayne : hey so I have a question

Funkylesbian : youre not still confused by lances kinks right? He has a lot ill pull out my list

Kogayne : no. we have been dating like a week.

Loverboy : Please burn that list.

Kogayne :... what kind of animal is the pink panther?

Loverboy : You’re so fucking stupid.

Loverboy : teleport to my lion right fucking now.

Funkylesbian : ill message you the list

Loverboy : BURN THE FUCKING LIST