Work Text:
Sometimes, Simon has awful days.
Days when he can't get off the couch, move, eat, smile or talk. Days when his face is a blank canvas and his eyes are faraway and he keeps on brooding and brooding and brooding. When he is feeling so alone, so lost and so horrible, he cannot even put those emotions in words but simply let his tears fall. Days which tear him apart on the inside slowly and he suffers silently.
Those are the days when he tries to push away everyone: Penny, Mitali and Baz.
But he also doesn't want them to leave, he wants them to stay but also to leave because they should not deal with a mess like him. He is always in a confusion on those days, he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know what happens around him, he doesn't remember half the things he does and he zones out so much. He gets trapped inside his mind and Simon feels so terrified in there because it's so dark and murky and twisted up and inside there, he is completely alone and he had always been a creature of light and warmth and of simple paths.
Those are the days when Simon feels the worst.
Those are also the days when Baz never leaves his side, no matter how much Simon tries to push him away so that Baz remains untouched by his mess. But Baz is stubborn and he just keeps hovering around him, being a constant reassuring presence, till Simon starts understanding that Baz really would never leave and he doesn't mind dealing with Simon's terrifying mind.
And then he allows Baz to lead him out of the labyrinth of his thoughts and he allows Baz to hold him close and take his hand and rub his fingers there. And he allows Baz to give him soft and gentle kisses and he allows Baz to cuddle close to him, till he falls asleep. And whenever he falls asleep in Baz's arms, his dreams are lighter and warmer and not so cold.
Somehow, whenever Simon thinks he is having a horrible day and it is getting so so awful, he might actually break apart, Baz comes along like a firefly in the dark and leads him to light and by the time the day is over, Simon feels so much better.
Because Baz makes him feel safe.
Because Baz makes him feel loved.
Because Baz holds him close and tells him it's alright.
And Simon loves him so much.
He knows that he has not said those words out loud but he is also aware that he has told Baz enough times in his own ways.
Like how he kisses Baz back with so much care and caution, how he gives him a quiet and private smile when they are surrounded by people, how he holds his hand and rubs his thumb on his knuckles, how he traces the planes and contours of Baz's sharp face.
He knows that Baz knows.
Someday, he will say it, too, but for now, this is enough.