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Ever since Kei had woken up that morning, the air around him had felt... Off.
It was almost as if something big was coming, swirling in the air and hanging heavily between the creaky floorboards of his room. The feeling lingered as he got ready for the day, as he exited his house, as he entered the front doors of the school. It remained throughout the entire morning, filtering through his headphones before class and prodding at the back of his mind during it. At one point, he even caught Yamaguchi looking at him a bit funnily, but Kei brushed it off, because he probably wasn’t showing many outward signs of being affected by such an odd feeling.
It wasn’t something you could put a name to, he thought, as he listened to the drone of his teacher. Excitement wasn’t an accurate description, it didn’t feel particularly like anticipation, and dread didn’t suit it, either. Perhaps it was just one of those things he’d have to accept it until whatever inevitable earth-shattering event occurred.
The lunch bell rang, shaking him free of his thoughts, and he shuffled along with the rest of the class to dig out his lunch box from his bag.
“Tsukki, I’m gonna stop by Hinata’s class real quick,” Yamaguchi said, motioning towards a bag of cookies he was holding in his hand. “I promised him yesterday that I’d give him one.”
Kei nodded. “Make sure you don’t lose any brain cells while you’re at it.”
Yamaguchi snickered. “I’ll try, Tsukki!”
And then he walked out of the room as Kei opened his lunchbox. Pulling out his utensils, he got hit by another wave of peculiarity, and frowned.
Why am I feeling like this? He wondered.
He shoveled some food into his mouth slowly, his stomach starting to churn uncomfortably. He wasn’t the type to believe in ridiculous things like fate, or premonitions, but he was definitely feeling like something was going on today. As he ate his lunch, he soaked in the feeling, trying to pinpoint what exactly it was. He was unsuccessful, and by the time he scraped the bottom of his bowl with his spoon, he was feeling mildly irritated.
Then he frowned.
Yamaguchi wasn’t back yet.
Kei had eaten his entire, albeit small, lunch, and Yamaguchi still wasn’t back from Hinata’s classroom. Which was literally right down the hall.
That wasn’t like him at all. Yamaguchi always spent their lunches together chattering away, rarely missing it for anything, even though he’d gotten offers from other, much more sociable friends to sit together multiple times. He was always a bit reluctant to leave Kei, no matter what the circumstance.
And it wasn’t likely that Yamaguchi had gotten caught up talking to Hinata. He was friendly with Hinata, sure, but he always said he preferred to be with Kei. Was it possible that Yamaguchi had gotten into trouble with a teacher? That didn’t seem very characteristic of him, though.
As if he’d read his mind, Yamaguchi came wandering through the door, looking slightly dazed. He was clutching something in his hands, and as he approached his desk, Kei saw that it looked like a crumpled sheet of paper.
The look on Yamaguchi’s face had Kei feeling puzzled, only adding to the strange atmosphere of the day. Yamaguchi was staring off into space, not making eye contact with Kei, an unsure smile on his face. It didn’t really fit, though, with the slight trembling of his hands.
“What happened?” Kei asked carefully. “Did that idiot actually manage to lower your IQ?”
“What?” Yamaguchi said distractedly, fiddling with the paper in his hands. “No, Tsukki, I...” He trailed off briefly, and then snapped his eyes up to meet Kei’s. “I got a confession.”
What?
Suddenly, the weird feeling in the air seemed to crackle with intensity, and it all at once made sense to Kei. This was what was changing.
It wasn’t that Yamaguchi was unlikeable. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Even though he was shy and timid sometimes, he was relatively nice, and way better with people than Kei. No, Kei wasn’t surprised that Yamaguchi was finally getting recognized by girls. Rather, the thought just made him somewhat.. Uncomfortable.
“What did you tell her?” Kei asked, careful to mask whatever feelings were currently brewing inside of him with a neutral tone.
“I...” Yamaguchi glanced down at the paper in his hands. “I told her I’d think about it...”
Kei’s stomach clenched painfully, for reasons unknown to him.
“You don’t like her?”
“Tsukki, I don’t even know her,” Yamaguchi let out a nervous laugh. “She’s from Hinata’s class. We’ve never even talked...”
Those words didn’t seem to do much for the awkward squeezing in Kei’s chest, or the unnatural feeling still swirling in the air.
“Why didn’t you reject her, then?”
Yamaguchi gave him a smile. “Not everyone rejects all the girls who confess to him like you do, Tsukki.” He straightened out the paper in front of him. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll grow to like her.”
Kei didn’t get a chance to reply, although he did try to take a peek at the love letter in Yamaguchi’s hand, because the bell signaling the end of lunch rang. Yamaguchi looked down at his lunch, baffled at its still-full contents, then shoved a cookie in his mouth before packing everything back up again.
The teacher stood up, called for the class’s attention, and promptly started the lesson. Kei faced the front of the class, wondering why the weird feeling from before had manifested itself in the form of disgust lining the inside of his mouth.
*
It was just Kei’s luck that Akiteru was home that day.
He didn’t mind seeing his older brother, although he did steer clear of him pretty often. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that, basically as soon as Kei stepped in the door, Akiteru sensed that something was wrong.
It was a bit bothersome. Was Kei really that easy to read? If that was the case, then so was Akiteru, because neither of them exchanged a word as Kei went up to his room, though both seemed to know what the other was thinking. Flopping onto his bed, he stared at the ceiling, music playing quietly through his headphones.
He wasn’t stupid. He had realized that after lunch, he had been in a significantly worse mood. He knew that he had felt that somehow, something drastic was going to happen today. That didn’t mean he was going to start suddenly believing in fate, or whatever, but he did believe that that something had come in the form of Yamaguchi receiving a confession.
The whole ordeal left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he couldn’t understand why. Was he jealous of Yamaguchi? That was a definite no. Kei wasn’t interested in romance, or girls, much less ones who had never spoken a word to him before, and only liked him because of his height and looks. It was shallow. Yet somehow, he felt that jealousy was the correct word for this emotion. One of them, anyways.
His music shuffled to another song just as he heard a knock on his door.
Kei didn’t bother responding, because it swung open anyway, revealing Akiteru standing in the doorway. Kei raised an eyebrow, tugging off his headphones and sitting up straight on his bed.
Akiteru didn’t beat around the bush.
“Are you alright, Kei?” He asked, eyes full of worry.
“I’m fine,” was Kei’s automatic response. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
It was a rhetorical question. At least, it was meant to be. Akiteru clearly didn’t get that hint.
“You seemed off today when you got home from school.”
“I’m not.” Kei said tersely. People didn’t need to know about his problems, when even he himself didn’t understand them, least of all Akiteru.
Akiteru hesitated. “You can talk to me, you know. About anything. I won’t judge.”
Kei felt a twinge in his chest. He couldn’t deny that he felt almost an ache inside of him, a need to talk about these feelings. The atmosphere of the day must have been doing funny things to his brain, because as soon as Akiteru moved to leave the room, he spoke up.
“What do you do if a friend gets a confession, and it makes you feel weird?”
He said it flatly, trying to get the point across with as little emotion as possible. Akiteru paused in the doorway, looking genuinely surprised that Kei had decided to speak. Then, quietly, he shuffled back into Kei’s room.
Sitting down at the foot of his bed, Akiteru smiled as he looked at Kei. “Is this about Tadashi?”
Fuck.
Kei scowled instinctively. “What gives you that idea?” He felt his face turning warm, and he prayed that Akiteru wouldn’t comment on it.
“He’s your only close friend.”
Kei should’ve seen that one coming.
Akiteru continued. “He’s the one who got the confession?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he accept it?”
“He said he needs time to think about it.”
Which was annoying. Kei wished he would just decide already, because then it might make his plight easier. After being told a description in full of the entire confession after school, Kei having felt a bit like he wanted to hurl at the sheer cheesiness, it seemed pretty obvious that Yamaguchi was seriously considering it.
“Does it seem like he’s going to accept?”
“Maybe. He seemed willing to.”
Akiteru stared at him thoughtfully, and Kei felt a bit akin to a bug underneath a microscope.
“Kei,” He said softly. “Do you think you might be... Jealous?”
“I’m not.” Kei said forcefully. “I’ve already gotten confessions. Lots more than Yamaguchi.”
Akiteru gave him a Look, one that said I want to hear all about that later, Kei. Kei just rolled his eyes. Then, Akiteru paused for a second, as if weighing his options, before speaking again.
“That’s not what I meant, though.” Akiteru said gently.
Kei stilled.
“What...” He swallowed. “What do you mean, then?”
“Kei...” Akiteru said hesitantly. Kei wasn’t looking at Akiteru anymore, a sudden chill having taken hold of him. He stared hard at a dinosaur figurine on his shelf, dread pooling in his stomach because oh God, he was starting to get an idea of where this was going.
“I don’t think you’re jealous of Tadashi,” Akiteru continued. “I think you’re jealous because someone else is giving him... Affection.”
Kei felt his cheeks heat up again, and he continued to burn a hole through the dinosaur figure, pulse having suddenly decided to pick up its pace.
“It’s okay, Kei.” Akiteru said. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s okay. If you’re thinking that it’s weird because you’re both boys, it’s not. I’ve uh... I’ve actually seen this for a long time coming.”
“Me and Yamaguchi?” Kei asked dumbly, mind struggling to process this entire sequence of events.
“Well... yeah.” Akiteru said sheepishly. “You mean you’ve really never thought about it before?”
“Never.”
Akiteru winced. “Ah... Sorry to be the one to break it to you, then. Do you need some space to think about it?”
“Please.” Kei probably had the entire structure of that stupid dinosaur subconsciously memorized by now.
Akiteru gave his leg a firm pat, shot Kei a grin, and then rose from the bed. He didn’t say anything else as he left, which was good, because Kei was pretty much lost in thought. He closed the door quietly, and Kei fell back onto his bed, head hitting the pillow with a soft thump.
Tracing the cracks in the ceiling with his eyes, he replayed what Akiteru had said.
”I think you’re jealous because someone else is giving him... Affection.”
”If you’re thinking that it’s weird because you’re both boys, it’s not.”
”I’ve actually seen this for a long time coming.”
Kei imagined himself in that girl’s shoes, being the one to confess to Yamaguchi instead. He imagined himself saying it clearly and plainly, I like you, Yamaguchi. Wait, no, I like you, Tadashi. He imagined Yamaguchi turning red, he imagined Yamaguchi stuttering out an acceptance, he imagined reaching over and cupping Yamaguchi’s face, he imagined leaning in —
Kei squeezed his eyes shut. That was enough. That told him all he needed to know.
*
After that, Kei continued to experience that weird feeling. Now, it was peppered by random bouts of jealousy as well, even though the topic of the confession was never brought up again.
Kei was nervous to talk about it, although it lingered in the back of his mind all the time. He found himself wondering if Yamaguchi had given the girl an answer yet as the week wore on, seemingly at the most random of times. Yamaguchi would be telling some sort of story, or they’d be working on their homework together, or eating lunch, and then the question would just worm its way into Kei’s mind: Had he accepted?
And then there was the whole matter of them both being boys. Kei hadn’t even considered that until Akiteru had mentioned it, and then it only added another layer of stress to the situation. Akiteru had been fine with it, Kei was clearly fine with it considering it was him, but that didn’t mean that everyone else was fine with it. For example, would his parents be fine with it? Or would Yamaguchi, for that matter?
Ridiculous. The whole thing was ridiculous, and Kei almost wished that the whole ordeal had never happened, that Yamaguchi had never gotten a confession, that Akiteru had never come into his room that night, that Kei had never figured out that he had a crush on his childhood best friend. But that train of thought was even more ridiculous than the situation itself.
It had been five days. Yamaguchi had gotten confessed to on Monday, and it was currently Friday evening, and not another word had passed between the two of them regarding the confession. Kei didn’t know whether to be relieved or not.
What was worse was that an hour ago, Yamaguchi had burst through Kei’s front door, completely oblivious to Kei’s internal dilemma, a movie clutched in hand and a blinding grin on his face. The two of them were seated in Kei’s room, shoulders brushing as the television flashed before them, Kei feeling increasingly antsy as he tried to steer his mind away from any dangerous paths.
The movie was about superheroes. The protagonist in question was one that was likeable, doing the typical “saving the day and doing the right thing” spiel, but the plot was a bit cliche. Kei himself didn’t find it all very good, though Yamaguchi seemed pretty into it, eyes never leaving the screen as he munched on handfuls of popcorn. (Kei’s mind was a bit preoccupied, because once he’d gotten the idea of kissing Yamaguchi, it wasn’t one that he could easily get rid of.)
Kei flicked his eyes back to the screen to distract himself. He had been careful to sneak glances only when he knew Yamaguchi was enraptured by the movie, but he was starting to deviate from that pattern.
The protagonist on screen was currently standing over a cliff, debating whether or not to plunge into the depths below him, in order to save a screaming child. Apparently, there were “extremely high chances of him dying” should he choose to go through with it. Kei watched as the superhero took a few deep breaths, clenched his fists together, and then leapt from the cliff, diving straight down below.
The camerawork was pretty pleasing, he gave it that, whooshing along with the main character. Kei felt stupid for thinking so, but he wished briefly that he could be as brave as the hero onscreen.
He glanced over at Yamaguchi, who was watching the movie in awe. Kei thought of how Yamaguchi often stared at him like that, too.
Something inside of Kei snapped.
“Yamaguchi.” He said suddenly.
“Huh?” Yamaguchi jerked, startled, and fumbled for the remote.
Kei waited until he pressed pause, and then Yamaguchi looked up at him. “Yeah, Tsukki?”
Kei bristled. Better ask now, he thought bitterly, otherwise you’ll have made him pause the movie for nothing.
(That was just an excuse, and he knew it. Just an excuse to push him to actually do it.)
Twisting his fingers together anxiously, he asked, “Did you ever get back to that girl who confessed to you?”
Yamaguchi frowned. “What? Yeah, I turned her down on Tuesday.”
Oh.
Kei blinked in surprise. Somehow, he thought hearing that would make him calm down, but it was.. Weird that his stomach continued to turn and his hands continued to fiddle with each other.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kei blurted.
Yamaguchi frowned. “You didn’t ask.”
He supposed he hadn’t. He swallowed nervously.
Putting in distinct effort to keep his voice steady, he asked, “Why did you turn her down, then?”
Yamaguchi turned a brilliant shade of red. Kei, because he was acting ridiculous, briefly thought that it would be even cuter if it was him who’d put that blush on his cheeks.
“I — ” Yamaguchi started, then stopped himself.
Kei raised an eyebrow.
“I... I think there’s someone I like, Tsukki.” He finished shyly.
Kei felt like he’d been hit with a train.
“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi said nervously after a few seconds of silence. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” Kei asked numbly, mind spinning and twirling and suffocating on all of the weirdness in the air.
“Like you’re angry...”
“I’m not angry.” He snapped defensively.
And he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t, he wasn’t, his insides just felt like they were on fire was all, because Yamaguchi liked someone, probably a nice and pretty girl who wasn’t Kei, a nice and pretty girl who probably deserved him as much as he deserved her.
“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi said.
When Kei looked up, he saw Yamaguchi looking at him nervously, hesitation written all over his face. His cheeks were red again, maybe they had always been red, Kei wouldn’t know. He was busy trying to reign his thoughts in.
Kei hummed in acknowledgement.
“Tsukki, I like you.”
Kei’s eyes flicked to Yamaguchi’s immediately.
“What?”
Kei could hear the rush of blood in his ears, and the wild thumping of his heart, as he searched Yamaguchi’s face for any sign of humor. He was an open book, easy to read, and yet, Kei couldn’t find anything other than honesty in his eyes.
“I like you, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi repeated, a little louder, a little more determined. “I like you, and I like you as more than a friend, I like you as in I want to date you, and maybe you think that’s weird, because we’re both boys, and maybe you hate that kind of thing, but I really hope you don’t hate me, because I really, really like you, I think I’ve always liked you, and oh my God I hope this doesn’t make you hate me—“
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Kei interrupted.
Yamaguchi, looking increasingly scared, let out a nervous laugh. “S-Sorry, Tsukki.”
And then Kei couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help himself from moving closer to Yamaguchi, from cupping his face, from leaning in and moving past the barrier he’d put up for himself in his daydreams, from pressing their lips together.
Yamaguchi responded quickly, kissing him back with a fervor, with a desperation that could only come from years of longing, and Kei felt like his whole body was still on fire, but in a much, much better way than before.
The movie stayed paused, the superheroes on the screen forgotten, and Kei found himself feeling somewhat grateful to whatever girl had originally confessed to Yamaguchi. After all, the two of them wouldn’t be here right now, if it hadn’t been for that moment.