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If Mulder was my boyfriend I'd probably have no life outside him. He'd be
the worst boyfriend in the world. Or the best. It's a fine line.
Some people complain because their boyfriend doesn't call. Mulder calls.
Mulder calls all the time. He calls at dinnertime. He calls at 3:31 a.m.
to ask if I'm asleep. He calls to remind me about the "V" marathon on the
Sci-Fi Channel.
And sometimes Mulder doesn't call. He drops by my apartment with no notice.
He goes off on an anonymous tip, or a crazy hunch that he knows I'd try to
talk him out of acting on, and doesn't call until he's in a bind. My phone
never rings when I'm sitting around wanting to hear his voice.
How would Mulder be as a boyfriend? Maybe I've thought about this more than
I should have, but I get bored on those long drives in the middle of
nowhere, and I make lists in my head. Grocery lists, To Do lists, and ...
more frivolous lists. Heaven forbid I write the personal ones down, lest
someone –- Mulder, for instance -– should see one of them.
The Mulder-as-Bad-Boyfriend List goes like this:
1. We work together.
2. He teases me because I'm short.
3. The constant squabbling can be fun, but at times he argues for the sake
of arguing.
4. Easily bored when he's uninterested in something.
5. Too focused when he's interested in something. There's focused, and then
there's Mulder.
6. "Question Authority" could be his motto. I often wonder if he goes
against the grain just for the sport of it.
7. He says he trusts no one, but at times he trusts the wrong people. It's
going to get him killed someday if he's not careful.
8. The sunflower seeds. I've found sunflower shells in my purse, my desk,
my car; once I found one in my hair. How it got there I have no idea.
Then there's the Mulder-as-Good-Boyfriend List. It's a little more painful
to think about, for some reason I don't want to identify quite yet, but no
doubt I'll make a list about that at some point.
1. Intelligent. Extremely.
2. He's saved my life.
3. He has kind eyes.
4. Mulder has an intensity that both scares and excites me. Sometimes I'm
scared because of how much it excites me.
5. Loyal. When Mulder believes in something he can be relentless. I'd like
to be the object of that kind of loyalty.
6. Nice lips, nice legs, nice ass, nice everything.
7. Sense of humor. I try not to let him know how funny I think he is.
8. Childlike wonder. How often do you see that in a grown man?
9. The sunflower seeds. Unlike the rest of him, his tongue is patient. And
thorough. Sue me for imagining these are good traits in a tongue.
I've got to stop making these lists.
* end *