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1.
Somebody once asked Tony, "Who's more difficult to handle, a toddler or a super villain?" Tony barked out a laugh. "Simple. I can handle a super villain because I have a toddler."
And he wasn't kidding.
Tony would wrestle Morgan to leave school every day. She loved school, loved the toys, the playground, the children she chased all over the place. She would throw a tantrum every time Tony fetched her and said, "It's time to go home."
Morgan was currently inside her classroom singing and dancing their goodbye song while Tony stood outside, looking through one of the glass windows like the annoying parent he swore he'd never be but became anyway.
"Which one's yours?" asked another dad who was sharing his window.
"The one in the band shirt," said Tony. Morgan could be spotted easily with her messy hair and AC/DC shirt on (it was technically a dress on her small frame) and bright colored socks.
"Cute," said the dad. "Mine's the one beside her."
"Adorable," said Tony because it was proper parent-etiquette to compliment other parents' kids when they compliment yours.
"You're Pepper Potts' husband, right?" the dad said, "I'm a big fan of her work."
Tony nodded, a grin spreading on his face. Wait till Pepper heard Tony was reduced to just being her husband. She'll get a kick out of that.
The Playgroup students were all putting their shoes on now and Tony saw Morgan help out the boy she sat with. The other dad noticed too and turned to Tony, chuckling. "Looks like our kids are best friends."
Tony smiled and moved out of the hallway knowing it was going to be cramped with kids soon. He'd wait for Morgan in the Waiting Area. The other dad followed him out and they both stood, looking for their children among the sea of faces.
Finally, Tony spotted Morgan and she was holding hands with the same boy in the classroom.
"Wow! You made a new friend," said Tony when she got near enough to hear him. He waved at the boy. "What's your name?"
Morgan answered for the boy, saying, "Baby."
Tony laughed and teasingly said, "Baby already? He hasn't even gotten Daddy's permission to ask you out on a date and you're already calling each other 'Baby?""
The other dad laughed and encouraged his son. "He's asking for your name. What's your name?"
The boy said, "Gab," but Morgan shook her head and took his hand again. She corrected him, insisting, "Baby."
Gab frowned at her and said, "Gab. Me Gab." He stuck his face close to Morgan's because two year-olds didn't have a notion of personal space yet and said, "No Baby. Big Gab."
The two dads laughed. Tony bent down to Morgan's level and took her hand. . "Listen, sweetie. I'm gonna give you some advice, alright? Daddy to daughter, if you like someone and you want to give them a nickname, wait until they threaten your guards with pepper spray. Trust me. That stuff will bond you for life."
The other dad gave Tony a weird look and then asked, "Is that how your wife got her name?"
"Yeah," Tony admitted, "She hated it. Anyway," facing Morgan again, he said, "Say goodbye to Gab now because we're going to go home."
Morgan wrenched her hand away from Tony and firmly stated, "No."
There it is, thought Tony. He didn't know why he thought she'd happily go home today when she never did so in the past. "But Mommy's waiting for us."
"No. Morgan play Baby."
The other dad took pity on Tony and decided to help him out, lifting Gab into his arms and saying, "We're going too, Morgan."
"Oh, see that? Your friend's going."
"Say 'Goodbye, Morgan,'" the other dad instructed to his son and Gab echoed his dad's words.
But Morgan stomped her foot and shook her head, whining, "Noooo. Play. Play Morgan." She shot her dad a pleading look, complete with crocodile tears. "Play, please." She took Gab's dad's hand and sent him an equally convincing performance.
Damn it, she looked so cute. If Tony had it his way, he'd let her cry and he'd take photos, but boy would that make headlines. Heartless Tony Stark Takes Picture of Crying Daughter Instead of Comforting Her.
The dad laughed. "Barking up the wrong dad here, sweetheart."
Tony sighed. "Five minutes." Morgan didn't really have a concept of time yet but Tony read somewhere that you gotta let your kids know you're counting down so they don't get all surprised when you say time's up. "But that's it 'cause we still gotta have lunch with Mommy and she'll blame me if we're late."
The little girl smiled and Gab's dad let him down to play. Morgan waved at him to follow her to the playground. "Come on, Baby! Come on!"
Tony groaned halfheartedly. At least with super villains, Tony could say, "He was trying to kill me" or "He totaled the whole of Broadway. There was really nothing I could do about the traffic, Pep." But with Morgan? Try telling your wife your toddler haggled for five more minutes with her baby.
2.
The house was filled with the sounds of Morgan's wails. It's more painful to the ears than tear-inducing or evoking any form of sympathy.
Not that Tony could sympathize after his daughter threw her juice across the table which hit her mother on the head because the latter wouldn't give her chocolate for breakfast.
They relegated her to the corner to sit on her Rest Chair (the chair that requires her to sit and rest whenever she's being naughty or a little too hyper) but it was a particularly bad morning so she had slid off the chair and was now on the floor, shrieking and wailing.
Pepper had learned to ignore her cries until their daughter's calmed down enough to listen, but Tony's always had trouble leaving her be.
Of course he wasn't going to let Morgan off the hook because she knew throwing stuff was a no-no and there was the fact that Pepper was now sporting a bruise on her temple, but he also felt like he needed to say something.
So, he lay beside Morgan and she tried to push his body away. Tony didn't budge. "I get it. You're craving chocolates and you're hungry. But chocolates never make for a great breakfast. Dessert maybe and a snack but not breakfast."
Morgan only cried harder.
"I'll tell you what you should've done. You should've eaten your breakfast, said thank you to Mommy for the eggs she made, give her a kiss, and when you've gotten her all buttered up, you could've asked her for the chocolates then."
"Daddy goooooo!" Morgan cried, pushing him away again.
"Alright, alright." Tony rose. "You need some alone time. Come find me when you're ready to talk, okay?"
3.
"Daddy and Mommy are going on a date."
Morgan cocked her head at her dad. "Date?"
"Mm hmm. It means some alone time. And you get to go on Happy Time."
Pepper walked in Morgan's room, wearing a floor length gown that reminded Morgan of a princess. Father and daughter turned to look at her.
"Look at Mommy," said Tony. "She looks pretty, huh?"
"Pretty," Morgan repeated, getting up to touch her Mom's dress.
Tony crouched down and said, "Now, you gotta remember this everytime you go on a date."
Pepper laughed. "Tony, please, she's two."
"We gotta teach them young, Pep. Anyway, as I was saying, if you're going on a date, never forget to say how gorgeous your date looks."
"Gorjuss?"
"Yes, gorjuss. It means pretty. Like mommy."
Morgan looked at Tony and then at Pepper. "Mommy gorjuss."
"Thank you, baby."
"Daddy gorjuss."
"Why, yes, I am."
"Dum-E gorjuss."
"Now don't say that too often or it'll get to his head."
4.
Tony wasn't an idiot. He knew he'd clean up poop and urine and puke and other bodily fluids—those things came with job—but he didn't think a tiny baby could make so much poop or use up that much diapers.
Thankfully, the bodily messes had decreased in number when Morgan hit two, but the household messes increased just as much. Sometimes, there would be mud tracks on the living room (they stopped using a carpet after that one incident), baby powder on the mattresses, toys all over the floor.
And now, looking at the full-length mirror in Morgan's room, lipstick doodles.
Tony sighed. He got some cleaning materials from the cupboard under the sink and brought his daughter in to survey the mess.
The thing with two year-olds was that despite the amount of mess they made, he could still make them clean it up and they'd willingly do it because they thought it was play. But what Tony was actually doing was making Morgan learn practical life skills and clean up her own mess at the same time. And Morgan loved sweeping the floor with her tiny broom and dustpan, and wiping the table after meals.
"Come here, look at that," Tony pointed at the mirror riddled with bright red lines. "First of all, do we draw on mirrors, Morgan?"
Morgan knew she was in trouble and shook her head silently.
"We look at the mirror, honey. We look. Now, where do we draw?"
"Paper," said Morgan quickly.
"That's right. We draw on paper." Tony showed her what was left of the lipstick. "Do we use mommy's lipstick for drawing?"
Morgan didn't reply but looked at the lipstick like she was thinking of drawing some more.
"No, we don't. Lipstick goes on the lips, honey."
Morgan took the lipstick. "Lips?"
"Yes. What—oh, my God, Morgan." Tony stared as Morgan put the lipstick all over her face.
"Lips, sweetie! Daddy said lips. Where are your lips?" Morgan pointed at her mouth. "There. Okay. Come here." Tony got some wipes and wiped the lipstick off her face. Then, he tipped her chin up. "Now make an O with your mouth. Like this. Follow Daddy. Good girl." After he put lipstick on his daughter, which wasn't bad for a first attempt, she looked at the mirror to see her reflection.
"You can't see yourself because you drew all over the mirror." He showed her the cleaning rag and the spray bottle. He spritzed at the mirror. Morgan lit up at it.
As Tony showed her how to wipe the mirror, he said, "Now, Daddy's not angry that you made a mess. It's fine when those happen because sometimes we can't help it. But remember, always clean up the mess, alright?"
"Right." She repeated, opening and closing her hands in that way that said gimme. Tony handed her the tools. "Go wild."
Tony left her to it and when he returned a few minutes later, he caught Morgan right in the act; she had cleaned up the mirror, great, but apparently she needed more stuff to wipe because she scribbled on her wall, sprayed some water on her work, and then wiped it with the rag.
Okay, Tony thought, immediately regretting what he told her. Maybe he should have said that deliberate messes were not okay.
5.
They pulled up at a theater parking lot and Tony parked the car and killed the ignition.
Morgan was in her booster seat, already trying to push the release button but couldn't do it hard enough.
Pepper unbuckled her seatbelt and was about to go out of the car but Tony said, "Hold on, hold on. We gotta have a few words with this one about theater etiquette."
"Right," said Pepper, because Morgan had a habit of speaking while watching a movie and that could be annoying for some theater goers. It was one of the reasons they chose to watch The Incredibles 3 on its last week.
Tony leaned over his chair and gave Morgan his best serious look. "When we're watching the movie, we listen okay. We don't talk. Got it?"
"Got it." Pepper doubted she got it and just repeated the last words she heard. She sat back and continued to watch the scene unfold wondering where this was going to go.
Tony reached for the bag under his seat. He opened it and pulled out a Snickers bar, Morgan's The Incredibles water jug which contained soda (for Tony), and a large bag of chips.
"You know they sell those inside, right?" said Pepper.
"I'm getting there. This is going to be a teaching moment." Tony waved the candy at Morgan. "Now, Daddy brought your favorite snacks because if we buy them inside the cinema, they cost a lot."
"Seriously?" said a disbelieving Pepper. "You're a billionaire."
"It's about fighting capitalism, Potts."
"That is the most ridiculous—"
"Anyway, we have to sneak these in the cinema." Morgan's eyes were wide and she looked like she hung on her dad's every word. "Word for the day: sneak. It means to hide something, to keep something secret, alright? Now, take the Snickers."
Morgan took it carefully like it was some kind of blessed food.
"Hide it under your shirt."
"Oh, for goodness sake"
Tony ignored his wife. This was serious stuff. He couldn't get distracted. These were probably the most important words of wisdom he could ever give their daughter. "Don't let them catch you, okay?"
"'Kay."
"Gotta hide that real good, alright?"
"Right."
"Now, I'm gonna put your jug in your bag and they'll think it's your milk but it's not. It's soda for me. You got your real milk inside your Princess jug."
Morgan nodded.
"And I'm giving this bag of chips to Mommy who'll put it under her shirt and she'll pretend she's pregnant—"
"I'm not doing that."
"Mom!" said Tony.
"Mom!" repeated Morgan.
Pepper sighed and grabbed the chips, shoving it under her blouse.
"Don't look so guilty, Mommy. You look like you're gonna snitch on us." Morgan looked between her dad and her mom.
"I'm gonna go get us the tickets," said Pepper, shaking her head. Once she was outside, she pulled out the bag from her blouse.
But Morgan didn't see. She was focused solely on her dad who asked her, "You ready? This is your first real mission as a superhero."
Morgan licked her lips, steeled her expression as hard as a two year old could. "Ready."
They made for the theater.
Tony held Morgan's hand while Morgan pressed the snickers bar to her stomach so that it wouldn't fall out.
As they walked, Tony said, "You know there's this one guy who put the Snickers in his daughter's shoes so she could reach the height limit in the roller coaster ride at Disneyland. Yeah! Not cool, right?"
+1
Morgan was seated on her Rest Chair but not for the reasons you might think. Beside her was a bigger chair and her dad was on it.
He was going on and on about the recent fight he had with her mom which had ended up with him sitting on the corner like he was on Time-Out.
Morgan had sat with him for company and Tony was grateful for someone to talk to even if it was a two year-old that was eating a block of cheese while he told her his problems.
"I did what she asked! I don't understand why she's mad it didn't turn out the way she wanted. She asked me to charm the Chinese, build up the guanxi, it's not my fault they still hate me for that one time I—"
Tony stopped.
Morgan had put her cheese-riddled hand over his mouth.
"I should stop talking, huh?" he said against her palm.
"Sorry," she giggled, pulling her hand back and licking the cheese off it.
Tony nodded, folding his arms over his chest as he pondered the matter further. "Right. Apologize to Mommy before she makes me sleep in the garage. Anything else I should do?"
Morgan puckered her lips at him and pressed it to his arm.
Tony smiled. "I'm gonna kiss Mommy too, for sure. But that only works after the apology. I can't kiss her as an apology. She's gonna get even more mad."
Morgan sighed and stood, leaving Tony in his corner.
"Hey, where you going?" Tony went after her. "I thought we were having a moment. Are you mad at me too?"