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Haylen was quiet this morning as Rhys approached her.
In fact, she didn’t notice him, too busy staring at the paper laid in front of her to notice. Rhys had to wave a hand before her eyes and she blinked rapidly. She stared at him in shock.
“What’s with you?” Rhys demanded with a raised eyebrow. “Aren’t you supposed to be leaving for a retrieval mission soon?”
Haylen huffed a laughed, trying to cover up her daze earlier. “Er, no, it’s been delayed. Issues with the Vertiberd.” As she spoke, she grabbed the papers off the table and folded them up with a bit of urgency.
“Right...” Rhys said, and folded his arms. He waited. That’s all he had to do with Haylen before she spoke about with whatever was on her mind.
Sure enough, thirty seconds was starting to feel like eternity when Haylen blurted, but he was not expecting “Do you miss Danse?”
Rhys straightened up and immediately glanced around. Thankfully, the mess hall was empty and even the guy behind the counter was busy with something out back. There had been a lot of work to do since the Institute was wiped off the face of the planet by the Minutemen, so everyone was busy each day.
“We can’t talk about that, are you nuts?!” Rhys hissed, coming closer to leave over the table. “Why’re you even bringing that up?”
Haylen sighed and gave him a look. “Aren’t you even the slightest bit worried? Curious to where he went? What he’s doing?”
Yes. “He’s a synth!”
“He was your friend!” Haylen flared back, bristling.
A friend, a leader and someone Rhys looked to be in the future. Danse was literally the poster boy of the Brotherhood and Rhys was so stoked to be on his team. He worked his ass off for that.
“He betrayed us.” Rhys said in a lowered voice and thankfully it didn’t crack. It was still... painful. Inside.
Haylen watched him for a while, before saying “… You don’t believe that.” Pause. “And neither do I.”
Rhys rolled his eyes. He didn’t dignify that with a response and leaned back to literally walk away from this. Later on they would talk about other things and probably pretend this never happened. Especially if others were around.
No one talked about Danse. The subject caused…. Arguments and division between soldiers that hadn’t been there before he was exiled. So no one was allowed to talk about it.
(Everyone knew he wasn’t dead.)
Haylen scrubbed a hand over her face. “Forget I said anything. The Vertiberd is probably nearly ready. I’ll see you in a few days, okay?” Without waiting for an answer, she hopped off her stool and gathered her things.
Rhys watched her ‘til she was ready to leave and then seemingly came to a decision. “What brought this up?” He finally asked. “I…” He sighed, looked around again for any eaves-droppers before stepping closer to her. “Yes. I do. But he’s in the past and we need to move on.”
Haylen rolled her eyes at him. “You know what?” She fished out the papers that she had in front of her earlier and handed them towards him. “You need to read this. He might be in our pasts, but he has a future.”
Rhys frowned as he took them. “What’re you-”
”Retrieval team 4, please come to the bridge for deployment. Repeat...”
“I really need to go.” Haylen said. She pointed at the papers he had in his hand. “Don’t you dare lose those, but don’t let anyone else see them either.”
Rhys frowned and unfolded them curiously.
And then immediately folded them again in shock to hide the blaring title. “You can’t be seen with this! Is this even allowed on the ship?!” He watched her drag her bag to the hall, only to turn back with a small smile. “I could report you for this!”
“No you won’t.” Haylen said confidently. “And it’s not actually a rule, it’s just frowned upon, so stop freaking out. Have fun!”
And she disappeared off down the hall, leaving Rhys gaping after her.
He looked at the worn paper in his hand and rolled his eyes. He honestly considered throwing it in the bin to spite her, but she’d be upset about that and he’d never hear the end of it. Not to mention people would want to know who was wandering around the Prydwen with civilian commentary that was ‘frowned upon’. She was right, but it was also discouraged to spread misinformation, or articles with a biased point of view.
’Accept the information, it might be useful, but don’t believe it without evidence.’ Danse would have probably said. For many months, Rhys was able to ignore the searing pain of not just losing someone he admired, but finding out he was the enemy but Haylen just mentioning him opened that gateway again.
Rhys looked at the papers in his hand again and struggled internally. He was curious to how this could be connected to Danse in some way. The Minutemen were definitely growing in strength and power, but didn’t seem interested in much else other than babysitting farmers, which suited the Brotherhood just fine. Maybe something happened with the Minutemen that he was apart of? With Nate being the General and Danse continually hanging around him, he was bound to be dragged into some things.
Rhys groaned, and shoved the papers roughly in his back pocket. He decided to go down to the bottom floors to read in peace.
------
When Haylen came back from her mission four days later, she went to her bunk to rest up. During the entire time, her mind strayed to Danse. She couldn’t help it, after she read Publick Occurrences.
She did not regret what she did. Sure, she was nearly prosecuted for betraying the Brotherhood and allowing the enemy to escape, but she was informing her friend and leader that he was in danger.
That’s what she had said with total honesty. She expected to be exiled and abandoned. She waited for hours in that dirty cell with no place to lay down, and grew a silly little fantasy in her head.
Maybe once exiled she could’ve found Danse somehow and they’ll try and survive on the run from the Brotherhood. They could’ve helped each other out. Neither of them had family to speak of to go back to. Maybe go with Nate, because while most Brotherhood scoffed at the Minutemen, Haylen privately liked their work.
For hours, she’d had made different plans, just in case. They went in all sorts of directions and having these plans had been kind of exciting and made the grief of losing the Brotherhood sting less…
Then she’d been exonerated. They had believed her.
Somehow. Turns out the Brotherhood was forgiving.
And ironically, those plans she made during the possibility of being forced to leave the Brotherhood had dissipated like fantasies do, but it left her with questions. She planned so easily, but now that she had the Brotherhood back, she couldn’t think of a future going forward by their actions. What they said, yes, but she wasn’t sure about this ‘Greater good’ side of things.
She carried on with her work to the best of her abilities, despite carrying these heavy thoughts for months. She was at the Boston Airport settlement, (Nate got permission from Maxon. Settlers grew food, they got security around the clock) to write the ‘everything is fine and dandy down here!’ report when she was given the issue for nothing by a grinning trader. Probably did it in some attempt to snide her, but she took it curiously. She stood off to the side, leaning against the wall and read all about the Former Brotherhood of Steel Member Speak Up and discuss their experiences, their thoughts, their progress… his life.
It was without a doubt Danse. It was without a doubt Danse, but Haylen couldn’t believe that this Piper woman sat down with Danse to ask these painful, probing questions and publish it to the public. This was willing? Right? She had permission… Right?
But Haylen also knew Danse wouldn’t have allowed it to happen if he didn’t want to. It was then Haylen wanted to go see the man, synth, whatever, again… to meet him again. The Old Danse would have never agreed to this. Would have never said these things. Would have never let his thoughts go in these directions because they would be ‘wrong’ or ‘distracting’.
Haylen had to read it more than once to take it all in. That New Danse had started over. New Danse had different friends now. New Danse was learning new things and was probably really efficient at it because when was he not?
Haylen wanted to desperately meet New Danse. To ask her own questions. To see for herself.
Because most of all, it was evidence that there was life after the Brotherhood. Of course there was. It seemed so obvious, but Haylen apparently needed the evidence. She loved the Brotherhood, and what it stood for, but she didn’t know she needed that, and it eased something inside. If it worked for Danse, who worked, lived and breathed every breath for the Brotherhood, (he was so proud everyday, for many, many years) then…
Her bed abruptly jolted as it was kicked, jerking her out of her dozing and she sat bolt up right in shock.
“Wha-” She stared up at Rhys who was standing over her with is arms folded. “Rhys! What the hell?!”
“Shhh!” He hushed at her, holding up a hand. He glanced around, and saw that people who heard were already being distracted by something else. People were not bothered by a knight and a scribe. “Not so loud! C’mon.”
He turned on his heel but Haylen was still rubbing her eyes. “What? What’re you-”
Rhys looked back and gestured wordlessly, urgently, for her to follow him. Haylen sighed, ran a hand through her rough hair and rammed her hat back on her head. She slipped on some shoes without bothering to tie up the laces and instead clomped after him. They climbed down the metallic staircases, moving aside for other scribes with artefacts and information or soldiers in power armour.
Haylen followed Rhys down into the lower stowage, and right between two enormous crates, hiding them from view. Rhys, again, poked his head out to check the surroundings, before grabbing the papers she had given him four days ago from his back pocket and handed them back to her without a word.
Haylen looked at them. “They’re really crumpled.” She finally said and Rhys groaned.
“Seriously?!”
“What did you do-”
“I was actually going to throw them away-”
“What?! I told you not to!” Haylen snatched the papers out of his hand as if he still had the presence of mind to commit to that.
“I didn’t and I’m not going too.” Rhys told her, and sighed. Haylen was trying to fix what she could when he spoke after some beats passed. “It’s him, isn’t it?” He said, practically forcing the words out.
Haylen gave him a look. “Who else could it be? I don’t know any other member who could effect things like this leaving the Brotherhood this past year, do you?”
Rhys shook his head. It was surprisingly tricky to leave the Brotherhood, in a way people wouldn’t expect. And maybe understand. They had everything. You gave them everything.
Rhys gladly did, and still did, each and every day. He wanted to be with the Brotherhood to the end. Like Danse had.
“I think he’s happy.” Haylen spoke quietly, drawing Rhys out of his thoughts. “I was so afraid he was alone. He had Nate, but Nate is everywhere…”
Rhys frowned at the name, but grudgingly agreed. He had to give it to the man, he knew how to keep busy.
“But it sounds like… I feel that he is happier.” She held up the papers, still not looking that much better despite her attempts. “It seems he has at least worked things out and is moving on.”
Rhys didn’t say anything to that, but just nodded. “I don’t agree with a lot of what he says. He’s obviously been around Minutemen and civilians too much… He’s talking to ghouls now!” He hoarsly said, just about keeping his voice down in disblief.
“That’s bigoted, Rhys.”
“Shut up Haylen.” Rhys scowled at her but she just laughed. “’People fight differently’?” He quoted and scoffed. “You fight with a plasma rifle, and the problem is sorted.” He aimed as if he holding one and then looked towards Haylen, expecting her to agree.
She instead had this small, soft smile on her face that was almost… sad?
“… You’re not agreeing with him, are you?” He asked her with concern.
Haylen looked away and shrugged. “I stand for what the Brotherhood says they do.” She said carefully and then carried on before the knight could interrupt. “Rhys, I don’t think he said these things to spite the Brotherhood, or say that they suck now… I’m pretty sure- No, in fact, I’m certain he’s still loyal, in a way.”
“Then why do this then?” Rhys asked gesturing the issue. “What’s the point?”
Haylen shrugged. “Maybe… for a peace of mind? He has been away from Brotherhood rhetoric for a while, it’s given him opportunity to...” She paused, waving a hand in a manner as she struggled to find the words. “Be open, I guess? He said he that he started talking to other people. Different races.”
Rhys rolled his eyes. “And this is where I start thinking maybe it’s not Danse. All that has to happen is to be away from the Brotherhood for awhile before he’s chatting with ghouls and hanging out with farmers?” He scoffed. “I mean, c’mon.”
Haylen just looked at Rhys for a couple of moments that felt a bit stretched out and uncomfortable, before she asked. “Rhys, when you go to other settlements, what’s it like?”
“What do you mean ‘what’s it like?’” He said, frowning at her. “You’ve been to other settlements too.”
“No, I mean...” She gestured her hands as she gathered her words. “Look, do the settlers, or ‘civilians’ come up to you? Talk to you? We always stick to the edge of the settlement as well. I don’t know what a single one of those buildings look like on the inside.”
“Only because the civilians might say or do stupid shit! We can’t trust them!”
“That’s my point! We have to haggle from insanely high prices most of the time because we’re not welcome! I imagine Danse was by himself for months before he actually entertained the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he could trust them, he could talk to them and actually be a part of the community!”
Rhys groaned, “But ghouls, Haylen? They need to be put down! I mean, he is a synth, but-”
Haylen rolled up the papers and smacked him on the arm with it. “Rhys!”
“Hey!” Rhys held out his hands, “It’s true, why’re you attacking me for that?!”
“Because! He…! Maybe….!” And she couldn’t finish. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away.
“Because what?”
“… Nothing.”
“No seriously.” Rhys stepped closer, with his hands on his hips. “What?”
Haylen shook her head. There was a kind of awkward silence before Rhys barely heard something.
”Maybe it’s not a bad thing.”
“Haylen.” He whispered, stock still. “Don’t say that. It’ll get you killed as a sympathizer.”
“Rhys.” Haylen spoke lowly as she closed her eyes. “You don’t have to be a human to be a person. Why is that wrong?”
Rhys didn’t say anything to that. In fact, he pretended not to hear it. He avoided looking at Haylen and folded his arms. “I’m just saying I didn’t think anyone could change that much.” He said, his voice not loud but too loud after the heavy, quiet and dangerous words spoken before.
Haylen shook her head, “No.” She agreed, accepting the different direction the subject too. Not wanting to go down that path right now, not right here. “I didn’t think so either.” She then crouched down and began rummaging through her pockets.
Silence fell between them again as Haylen searched for something.
“Sorry about the papers.” Rhys finally said.
Haylen chuckled and shook her head. “It’s okay- oh, here it is.” She fished out a lighter and sparked a small flame. “It shouldn’t be here anyway, they’d go nuts if they find it.”
“I told you! Do you think they know about it? This paper being circulated in the Commonwealth?” Rhys stuck his head out between the boxes to see if anyone was around again. “The officers.”
“Of course they do.” Haylen said, holding up the pages to the lighter and letting a corner catch. “But tell people not to do something and some will go looking for it. It’ll spread then. It’s probably best to not even acknowledge it and dismiss it as ‘civilian gossip’ or something.”
Haylen placed it on the floor as the flame took hungrily and stepped back to watch it thrive. It did briefly, and then died down to nothing but ash. Rhys watched too with a sober expression.
The Pyrdwen could be so loud with the clanking, the shouting, machinery and beeping signals. But their little space was so quiet for some reason and it felt like a bubble.
“… Are you going to leave?” Rhys asked in a breath that was barely above a whisper. As if he didn’t want to know the answer.
Haylen stood without a change to her expression and stashed away her lighter again. She had pretended not to hear it. Or maybe she didn’t really hear it. “We should get back. I’ve got reports to write and I’m sure you have patrols.” She said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She stepped around him and went to the nearest staircase.
Rhys let her go. He took a moment to look down at the ashes. He shifted his boot around in them, trying to cover up the evidence a bit. Hopefully it’ll mix in with the dust and the gloom. He then wordlessly followed Haylen back up to the upper deck.