Chapter Text
Captain Underpants and the Catastrophic Collision with Mr. Krupp
Chapter 1: Stuff Happens
This is George Beard and Harold Hutchingson. The kid on the left with the tie and flat-top is George. The one on the right with the T-shirt and bad haircut is Harold. Remember that now.
These boys can't help but play pranks especially when the opportunity is practically given to them that's not the only part of the story, but we're getting to that. Right now, let's start off with when they both were about to change around a sign near the cafeteria. That was until they got rudely interrupted.
"A-HA got you bubs! As I suspected you two just couldn't resist," Mr. Krupp pointed at them giving off a malicious toothy smile.
"No way, we didn't even get to finish, "Harold stated rather disappointed.
George hastily covered his friends’ mouth, "what he means is, we were... Just fixing it," George tilted the E toward the end of the word, "Yes there we go! You know you teachers should really think about putting the letters straighter if you're expecting us to read correctly."
That last comment really set off Krupp the wrong way his eye began twitching, and so did his left foot until finally he let out a big breath. "Fine, you haven't done any damage yet so I'll let you off with a warning this time, but touch this board again and I'll have fun messing with your letters on your permanent report cards!" Just like that, he stormed off into his office.
"That was weird," Harold shuddered.
George nodded, "Yeah usually he's in his office during the lunch break what gives? Well, we can always try again tomorrow." The two-headed into the lunchroom.
By the way, the big, mean, fat, bald principle with the tie and the cheesy toupee is Mr. Krupp. And the big, cheerful, fat, bald superhero wearing only his underwear and a red shower curtain who comes much later in this story is Captain Underpants. We thought it would probably be important so remember that too.
After school was over George and Harold headed to the treehouse in their backyard to work on their homework, but mostly to make a new Captain Underpants story to sell at school."He's really starting to crack down hard on us lately," said Harold doodling a front cover.
"Yeah," replied George while he folded his math worksheet into a paper airplane," the other kids should be thankful that we're taking the heat for them."
"I was thinking of adding him as the villain of this issue..."
"Are you crazy remember what happens the first time and that other time when we created Wedgie Women!"
"Yes I know I was just saying it was an idea, but I guess you are the writer for a reason."
"Well, I guess we can make one based off Mr. McMeanie ... To cheesy how about...the Krabby, Krapper Krupper?" George scratched his chin. "Ugh, I just feel so out of our usual groove today!" he said tapping his fist against his head. "I feel like I have writer's block."
"Well, we could still copy and sell Captain Underpants origins. We only released that issue to the loon himself to help him defeat Wedgie Woman."
"Good call, I almost forgot what happened last time we base our comic books after someone we knew. Not that it turns out that much better in reverse. Besides, we can't just draw him as a giant in his underpants like Melvin."
"Yeah, who wants to see a comic of something they've already seen in real life?"
The two cried laughing on the floor of their treehouse reflecting on the semi-terrifying yet hilarious stuff they had seen recently. The next day they brought the comic book issue ready to get it copied. George and Harold noticed Mr. Krupp was extra wrinkly and pale today, especially under his eyes. They weren't the only ones either. Some of the teachers were getting concerned about how this might affect his ability to lead the school.
"Mr. Krupp are you doing alright?" the secretary asked.
"Yes uh- I'm fine, I'm fine," he said rather sluggishly, “just get me a cup of coffee woman." He grumbled and marched to his office.
Miss Anthrope came back with a cup of Joe only to find the principle dead asleep on his desk.
"Sir?" she said as she placed the coffee on the desk, and began lightly shaking him on the shoulder. He reacted by instantaneously reaching out his hand out to grasp the corner of her dress.
"AHA," his head bobbled back and forth, "I finally got you. You're going to be suspended forever and ever until the day y-huh, wah?" He blinked twice and realized where his hand was. "Oh, I uh," he coughed. "What did you want from me again?"
"I never took you as a man to act like this in front of your fellow staff maybe you should think about taking time off."
"Hey, lady my wage is already low as it is. I'm just tired because I've been constantly monitoring footage. Don't worry by the end of this," he took a breath to yawn, "It'll all be worth it."
"Footage, what footage?"
Mr. Krupp gave out his signature evil laughs, "Mwahaha, why these security cameras I've placed all over the school. Genius isn't it?"
"How could this bottom-tier school have the budget for that?"
"It doesn't so we'll probably have to make an arbitrary fundraiser or something like that, but once I catch Harold and George think on how much money we'll save if we don't have to clean up after them anymore. I'll be watching their every move so that I'll always be able to catch them on the spot. They'll either be kicked out due to all the proof of vandalism I know they've committed, or they'll give up after I've prevented all their pranks. Mwaha haha haha!"
"Might this be taking it a bit too far? As irksome as those boys are. They are only two kids."
"Yes, they are only two kids. Only two kids who have traumatized my nephew, ruined practically every school event, painted the bathroom stalls red with ketchup packets, a million other things that make my life feel ten times worse, and let's not even start with letters on the whiteboard. They need to GO!"
"Well good luck with that," the secretary left his office a bit concerned, "are you guys sure he's not going crazy?"
"Oh he's crazy," replied Mr. Meaner "Crazy, but RIGHT!"
"Do any of you want a cookie?" said a hypnotized Mrs. Tribble walking through the hallway.
"Yes ma'am," Mr. Meaner grabbed the entire plate and left leaving the secretary to listen to Krupp's ramblings next door alone.
Not too long after George and Harold busted in, "Can we copy something for homework purposes?" asked George.
"Shh, do you have to do that now? It's really not a good time."
Too late Harold already put the comic into the machine, and copies started flying out onto the floor. "Pleasure doing business with you," they quickly picked up the papers and raced out the door.
"But-but," she stood there dumbfounded then sat back down, "I sure hope he doesn't have any cameras in here."
Well, he did. Fortunately for her however he hadn't gotten around to it there are only so many places his eyes could be fixated at once. The way he was acting one could almost mistake him for a zombie nerd living for nothing except taking down those who oppose them. His eyes were nearly bloodshot from looking nonstop at screens for the past two hours. "Nope, they're not in the cafeteria, not in class either those bratz must've left early. Hold up, what's that moving in the office next door?" He crouched on his desk and held the screen right up to his face. "Oh, it's only her ehehe-ehh...," he pushed the screen back a sipped his coffee. "They gotta be around A-Ha! there's those two little devils out in the playground, and there, and they're selling those STUPID comic books again! Not this time." High on caffeine Principle Krupp rushed out of his office and ran straight for the playground where the fourth graders were having recess.
"Ha, I predicted you bubs would come here to cause trouble now hand me that comic it's against the rules to sell anything on school property without permission. Not to mention our policy on creative thinking plus these are terrible. It boggles my mind how and why children would be interested in stuff like this. Now hand it over!" he said grabbing the comic.
"No," they said resisting his pull on it, "we didn't sell it to anyone yet so..."
"I warned you, didn't I?" he pulled harder until Harold and George let go from the force. "Ack!" Mr. Krupp said shaking his hand "Look what you made me do." He yelled and then stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Is Mr. Krupp trying to suck his thumb?" said George giving a loud whisper to Harold.
"Of course not, you boys gave me a paper cut." He displayed a line mark on his index finger to their faces.
"Gave you?" they argued.
"I think I'll let your teachers discipline you two this time since you both decided to ditch your classes."
"No way, we didn't skip class today our teacher let us all out early." It seemed no matter what they said their reasoning wasn't getting through to their sleep-deprived principal.
"Let's see what your parents and teachers once I call them. Once I get to the phone in my office you two bubs will be burnt toast!" Just like that, the principal headed back to the school building.
"I don't understand how did he manage to get one step ahead of us AGAIN?"
"There's something fishy going on and it's not just the cafeteria food we got to figure out what it is before we start pulling off some of our major league pranks."
Mr. Krupp was overjoyed with how successful his plan had been going and got out the traditional school phone and began dialing numbers. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Beard this is Principal Krupp. I called to let you know that your son George is not only a complete failure, but he clearly has a discipline problem that is causing him to become a nuisance at this school. I have evidence to perhaps change how you-" the line cut out. "Unbelievable, did they hang up on me? Let's try this again." He tried contacting Harold's mom, but much to Mr. Krupp's annoyance only a pre-recorded message played. He also gave an attempt to reach out to all the teachers, and the only one who cared to answer was their English teacher Mrs. Tribble who let them out in the first place. "I should really get around to firing...her," he thought to himself struggling to keep his eyes open. "I think I need another dose of," he made a desperate attempt to reach for the coffee, but he was already snoring before he even came close.
Meanwhile, in the secretary's office, Miss Edith Anthrope saw him plop face down on his desk fast asleep. She sighed, "Not again, how am I supposed to get the word on next week’s schedule if he keeps on passing out during work?" Miss Anthrope fought with herself for a while until the pressure of getting it done on time finally gave her the nerve to confront him. She crept over to his door and gently knocked, "Mr. Krupp are you in there and can you wake up, please? I need you to do something for me." No response. So, she slightly creaked opened the door just enough to put her arm and head through "Mr. Krupp, I need your help. Please get up." Nothing still, she was growing impatient
"Benjamin! Get off your butt right now, and wake up," she yelled snapping her fingers.
!SNAP!
This was a mistake. His head lifted up, but instead of a scowl, a cheerful smile crept up his face. "Did someone say they needed my help?" he proclaimed with a grandiose voice kneeling on top of his desk with a heroic pose.
"Umm never mind," she did not expect this response. This was so off-putting to her that she quickly withdrew from the room and went back to her desk pretending that never happened. "I hate it when he changes his mood like that. “Miss Anthrope said to swore though that she could hear singing coming from there even a faint "Tra-la-la," in the background.
From inside Captain Underpants was preparing his attire "Don't need that," he ripped his tie and shirt off. "Definitely Don't need that," he ripped off his pants. "Woops, that was a close one," he said realizing that his belt almost snagged his underwear off with it. "Now let's see where is my, there it is always when I need it," he pulled off the confidently placed red curtain and tied it to form his signature waist-banded warrior was now ready for action" Now I must find who requested my help." He Walked near the exit of the office and plopped his face onto the window where the secretary was sitting. "Was it you Miss?" She drifted her eyes away from him and put her hand upon her face. “Well if it wasn't her who was it," he rummaged through random desk drawers. "Hello,...nope not in there.Nope, nope." He scratched his bald noggin in confusion." Where did it come from?"
He opened another one and this time it was Mr. Krupp's secret stash. "What's this? " he took out the first issue on top of the stack of Captain Underpants comics. "Aww yes, I remember this Captain Underpants origin story when I left Underpantyland and found my destiny to save this planet. With that realization, I was finally able to find my true potential inside myself in order to break through my one weakness, starch. Ahh Good times." he browsed through it and got the last page. "Copyright of George and Harold at Tree House Inc. Ahh, it's so nice of those boys to catalog all my adventures for me. Speaking of which where are those two? they're usually here to tell me where the trouble is. I guess even sidekicks need a day off, or maybe their being held hostage. There’s only one way to find out. Tra-la-Laa," he sang while smashing himself through the window.
All the streets were eerily peaceful and Captain Underpants was all too aware of the unassuming atmosphere. He passed by the We sell Anything except Fabric softener store. Nothing. He flew by the county prison. Nothing out of the usual. He flew by Frank's Bank. No suspicious criminal activities. He checked by the streets again there wasn't even anyone loitering just a bunch of people giving him weird looks. Not even one talking toilet in sight. "They must've all been brainwashed by someone no way this town is that peaceful it must be the work of a dastardly, that must be it!" Captain Underpants then proceeded to walk over by the police station yelling, "Dr. Diaper, Wedgie Woman, are you out there somewhere?... Professor Poopypants did you hit yourself with that shrink ray of yours? Professor Poopypants?!"
They were all on their 15-minute break casually relaxing on and munching on donuts like any typical cop would do on a day like this. That all came to an abrupt end when one officer did a spit take onto the Chief's head "Look, there he is. It's that underwear guy. What's he doing out?"
"What in the- Captain Underpants!"
The hero noticed and waved to them. “Hello, there fellow police officers lovely day out which is why I know there is something wrong. Tell me, have any of the supervillains gone on the loose?"
"There haven’t been any crimes all week."
"But I need to find two missing kids they're about this high and one has a not so good haircut."
"What are they like ten? Check an elementary school or something," the cops continued munching on their doughnuts. "You know we appreciate what you do for us and all."
"Yes, it's tough being a defender of justice and pre-shrunk cottony on a 24-hour basis."
"Right...all we’re saying is would it kill you to wear pants? I mean really, most people get arrested for that kind of violation."
"Pants you say? Absolutely not! Like my father and mother used to say from my home planet, why burden yourself with that which is so unnecessary?" The officers stared blankly at him one dropped his doughnut into his mug in disbelief. "Well carry on then officers, I'll be sure to check there Tra-la-laa!" He jumped high with his arms stretched out forward, but instead of taking off he face planted on the concrete and then hovered slightly above it. "Why do my powers feel so weak?" he started yawning, "and why does it feel like it's time for beddy-bye already?" "I must have overworked myself already fighting crime, and that's why there is no one's out." He slugged overdue to the coffee withdrawal. "No wonder I'm so exhausted, I've must've drained most of my superpowers by now."
Captain Underpants slowly, but surely limped over to the school and came in the way he left through his impression in the window. He starred at Mr. Krupp's clothes littered all over the floor and our hero thought to himself. "Well, those two usually like me to wear these whenever I return from fighting crime. " He lifted them up, "Oh they’re so restraining, but I'll do it for them if it'll bring them back." Captain Underpants dressed up in his undercover outfit and tapped his fingers together like an impatient child which wasn't helped by the cup of brown liquid he just consumed. " Boys...?" No answer. "I feel like I'm forgetting something hmmm...water. They usually tell me to wash myself. Every time I do it though I just blackout. How am I supposed to protect them and the world if I keep on passing out like that?" Captain Underpants grew anxious from waiting after five minutes and threw his uncomfortable clothes off onto the floor again.
He began opening several drawers on the desk something different caught his eye this time. Videotapes a whole pile of them so much that as soon as he opened it they flooded out. "Could this be a clue?" he asked picking one up examining it extremely close his eyeballs. This one had a label,"1:14 playground footage: Captain Underpants comics," he read out loud. "This must be a message sent about a ransom for the hostages," he thought. "Better open it to find out." He banged it upon the desk however it did not give off a holographic projection as he had hoped. "This box must have a secret code to unlock he looked on the back where it said security camera #3. "Camera?" That's when Captain Underpants noticed he was surrounded by at least five different cameras from all angles with a giant TV-like monitor held right up next to one of them that showed the sightings of most of the areas of the school even the bathrooms. "That looks promising now to turn it on," he took an extra pair of underwear in the drawer. Don't ask. Then used it to slingshot the tape onto the screen. By all odds, the screen did not crack, but he got the tape to fall into the player perfectly.
The video was now playing in front of our heroes' eyes. On the screen, there were two small fourth graders preparing to hand out an issue of Captain Underpants origin story." George and Harold, I've found you two Haha!" he laughed victoriously. "Now just tell me- "his sentenced stopped when he saw an overbearing figure enter the stomp onto the scene
"Ha, I predicted you would come here and cause trouble. Now give me the comic it’s against the rules..." Was someone threatening his friends for handing out his life's story?
"What dastardly fiend could this be?" he thought as the audio kept playing.
"No, we didn't sell anything yet so," said George. "Gimme that," The man pulled on the book from the children their strength was no match for him. This had the waist banded warrior in suspense "C' mon guys you have the power fight back like this. Somewhat ignorant to the fact he was talking to a screen he demonstrated some heroic punches and kicks until he fell flat on his back from tripping over the clothes, he left lying on the floor. "Oof, for the love of Pre-shrunk Cottony," he said shaking the tie and then looked up on the screen again. "I warned you," the man yelled. "Good thing I don't usually have to wear a tie," Captain Underpants chuckled. "They only seem to sell them in the same shade of brown. It's almost the same shade as...this wig...here.." His words stopped, suddenly something became very off-settling to our protagonist as he looked very intently at the screen. "Acck, look what you made me do!" Amazing, they managed to lay a hit on him. "Is Mr. Krupp trying to suck his thumb?" he heard one of the boys say. "Mr. Krupp I know I've heard that name somewhere. Wait they've said it to me a couple-”. He stopped and starred at his index finger.
He had the exact cut in the same place. "Oh no."
Captain underpants grabbed what he assumed was some sort of a microphone device, “George Harold can you come up here now...Please!"