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“I’ll be right with you! Now, what'll it...Doctor Bashir! I almost didn’t recognise you with that thing on your face! The ability you hew-mons have to grow hair nearly anywhere never ceases to amaze me.”
“Hello, Quark. Do you like it?”
“It suits you. Very distinguished.”
“Thank you. You look well yourself. Business must be good.”
“I can’t complain. Rule of Acquisition Number 24: your wealth is your health. What’ll you have? The usual?”
“Yes, please.”
“So what are you doing on DS9? Doctor Quigley didn’t mention that you were coming back.”
“That’s because I’m just passing through on my way to Earth. I’ve got to catch the next transport in five hours.”
“Too bad. I don’t see Quigley in here nearly as often as I used to see you.”
“What a shame she’s not as good a customer as I was.”
“I know, I know.”
“Don’t worry Quark, I’ll be through again in a month when I go back to Cardassia.”
“You’re not staying on Earth?”
“No, no, I’m just going for some leave and Federation business. I’m actually requesting another year on Cardassia.”
“Another year on Cardassia, eh? Things must be going well.”
“Cardassia is still in pretty bad shape, but I guess you could say it’s improving. We managed to avoid famine this year, for one.”
“I meant with Garak. He must be happy you’re staying.”
“Yes, I suppose he is.”
“Well, then congratulations, Doctor!”
“Thanks, Quark, but for what?”
“You and Garak are engaged, aren’t you?
“…yes, we are. How did you hear?”
“I didn’t hear anything. But you went to Cardassia to be with Garak and now you’re on your way to Earth to request another year? I know a thing or two about Cardassian courtship. Garak takes these things seriously. He wouldn’t let you go all the way to Earth to request another year without proposing first.”
“Well, first of all, it’s not a matter of Garak letting or not letting me do anything.”
“Of course not! No offence meant, Doctor. It must have been a problem with the Universal Translator.”
“Mmm. And second, how do you know I accepted?”
“Doctor! It’s me, your old friend Quark! Naturally I can tell you accepted. I haven’t seen you this happy since before the war.”
“Hmmph. Well, I admit you’re right there, Quark. I am very happy!”
“There’s that charming smile! This calls for something special. Wait. I have just the thing.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s Bajoran. Festivity wine. They’re suddenly crazy for the stuff.”
“‘Festivity wine’? I’ve never heard of it.”
“Neither had I, until last month. Apparently it takes at least nine years for the plants to mature. So all the vineyards they replanted after the occupation ended are only starting to produce.”
“Oh?”
“This is a first vintage. It’s supposed to bring luck to new endeavours. Here, try a glass. On the house."
"Well, okay. It'd be rude not to, I suppose."
"A toast! To matrimony!”
“To matrimony!”
“May your pairing be lucrative and your mutual holdings flourish in abundance!”
“Thank you, Quark. That’s a beautiful sentiment.”
“Marriage will be good for you, Doctor.”
“Do you think so?”
“Yes I do. I never understood why you and Garak didn’t settle down years ago, when you were dating on the station. We could have had a beautiful reception here, in Quark’s...Doctor, are you all right? Be careful!”
“Sorry, Quark. I guess it went down the wrong way. I haven’t had much alcohol since I left DS9.”
“Here, wipe your face. Don’t worry, it’s clean. What happened? It’s not the wine, is it? No one ever choked on a free glass of snail juice."
“Pardon me?”
“Something my moogie used to say when I was small. It rhymes in Ferengi.”
“Ah.”
“It’s gone into your beard. I don’t know how you hew-mons keep clean with all that hair. You must have to wash it constantly.”
“Quark. You knew about me and Garak when we were living on the station?”
“Doctor, as a bartender I overhear a lot of things...”
“Yes, but we never told anyone!”
“Well, Garak wasn’t exactly subtle. Not to anyone familiar with Cardassian body language. All the touching.”
“So most of the Bajorans on the station knew too?”
“Don’t look so shocked, Doctor. It wasn’t really a secret secret, was it?”
“I thought it was, actually!”
“You don’t say. I suppose it was an open secret, then, as you hew-mons put it. I don’t think Garak was too worried that people knew.”
“You think he knew that everyone knew?”
“Look, Doctor. I’m sorry I said anything. That’s between you and your fiancé. And it wasn’t everyone. Like I said, just people familiar with Cardassian body language.”
“So only about half the station, that’s all. You’re saying Kira knew? And Odo?”
“They’d have to have been blind not to know Garak was infatuated with you. And you certainly didn’t discourage him. Draw your own conclusions, Doctor.”
“I feel like the galaxy’s biggest idiot, to be honest, Quark. You’re right, of course they knew. The way we used to carry on. Teenagers are more subtle on Cardassia. Oh god!”
“What?”
“So Leeta knew too? All that time?”
“Well, of course she knew! She’s very perceptive, even for a female. But don’t worry about Leeta. I mean, we all thought it was fantastic the way you and Garak would see other people but always go back to each other, but I never saw such an open-minded woman. She always said she admired your maturity.”
“My maturity? Really?”
“Absolutely. See, Doctor? It’s not so bad that people knew your little secret.”
“Hmmmm. I suppose not.”
“There you go.”
"Hmmmmm."
"Exactly. Nothing wrong with a little openness."
“Yes. So, Quark, speaking of openness, do you know that freighter captain Garak was seeing?”
“Was he seeing the captain as well as the second officer? Well, that's Bolians for you. No professional boundaries. But I thought Garak wasn’t into women.”
“Did I say captain? I meant second officer. He was such a nice man.”
“Did you think so? He was one of the rudest Bolians I’ve ever met. I don’t know what Garak saw in him.”
“Well, he was always very pleasant to me. What was his name again?”
“...Doctor. That was when you were helping with that plague on Pinca III. You were gone for two months. You never met him, did you?”
“Okay, Quark, you’ve got me.”
"How did you even know he was dating someone on a freighter?"
"Quark, it's a space station. Everyone dates someone on a freighter at least once."
“Good point. But that was very sly, Doctor. Garak’s been teaching you.”
“Well, I’m learning from observation. Come on, Quark, tell me about this Bolian. Please.”
“No. Absolutely not. If Garak won’t tell you about his past relationships then I’m certainly not going to give you any more information than I already have. Do you realise the position you’ve put me in? He’s not going to be happy that I spilled the beans about the Bolian.”
“Fine, fine, I apologise. I’ll tell him I tricked you.”
“Good. Apology accepted. Another glass?”
“Thanks, but I’d better not. I’ve still got to meet Kira and drop in to the infirmary. And have a word with my dear fiancé.”
“…is Garak here?”
“No, I meant by subspace. Don’t worry, Quark, he’s not going to be angry with you for telling his secret. Secrets. Well, maybe a little. But I’ll talk to him.”
“I’d appreciate it, Doctor.”
“By the time he gets to DS9 he’ll have forgotten all about it.”
“...Garak’s going to be here?”
“Didn’t I mention it? He’s part of the Cardassian-Federation liaison team.”
“A team? From Cardassia? How many? When?”
“You know, I’ve told you too much already. But I hope you still have some kanar around here. They aren’t making much liquor on Cardassia these days, so I imagine they’ll be glad of a few glasses.”
“Absolutely, Doctor! Here at Quark’s we’re always ready with the finest selection of beverages from four quadrants!”
“Four? You have drinks from the Delta Quadrant?”
“Well, recipes. Talaxian cocktails are very popular these days.”
“Hmm. Quark, I can tell you when the Cardassians are arriving if you tell me more about this Bolian.”
“Forget it, Doctor. It’s not worth it. I can find that information easily enough myself. Why don’t you ask Dax? She introduced them.”
“…she did?!”
“Yes, he was Curzon’s godson or something.”
“You’re telling me Garak had a thing with Curzon’s godson and neither he, Jadzia, or Ezri thought to even mention it to me?”
“Doctor, you’re awfully upset. Maybe you should have a glass of whiskey. Chief O’Brien always used to say it calmed his nerves.”
“Yes, maybe I will. Thanks.”
“Julian? I nearly didn't recognise you with that beard! I am so sorry. I meant to meet you at the airlock. I was held up in a meeting. For someone who's taken a vow of silence, Vedek Uhim certainly has a lot to say.”
“Nerys! Nerys, it’s so good to see you. How are you?”
“Colonel! Always lovely to have the station commander in my establishment. What’ll it be?”
“I’m on duty, Quark.”
“Come on, Colonel! It’s not every day an old friend like the doctor comes to visit! I still have some of that festivity wine from the Ven province.”
“Well...all right. A small one.”
“Coming right up. We have a lot to celebrate, with Doctor Bashir here."
"That's true. Thank you, Quark. Well, congratulations, Julian. Garak's a lucky man."
“...what? I mean, no, sorry. Thank you, Nerys. That means a lot. I just didn't expect it.”
“Julian, whatever animosity Garak and I had was the past. He's a very principled man in his own way, and...”
“Oh, no, no, I didn’t mean it like that! Sorry! I misspoke. I was just a little surprised.”
“Surprised? Why?”
“He’s shocked we know about him and Garak.”
“Quark, don’t you have something to do at the other end of the bar?”
“…as a matter of fact I do, Colonel.”
“Julian. You and Garak are engaged, aren’t you? Cardassian custom would mean an engagement at this stage, if you’re making official arrangements to stay with him. And you look so happy.”
“You mean you knew as soon as I told you I wasn’t returning to DS9?”
“I suspected. When you told me it was to stay on Cardassia I was sure."
"I guess I should have known. Oh!"
"What?”
“I’ve just put two and two together. That’s why you sent those katterpod butter toffees, isn't it? I'm so sorry, Nerys. I don't know why I didn't realise -- those are a traditional Bajoran engagement gift, aren't they? And I didn't even thank you properly. Of course, I didn't know at the time that I was engaged myself..."
"Julian! Relax. It's fine. Garak sent a very nice holocard."
"He did?"
"Yes. He even hand-wrote a traditional thank-you verse from the betrothed."
"Oh?"
"In Bajoran."
"Oh?!"
"You really didn't know?"
"No. No, I did not."
"Julian, how..."
"Listen, Nerys. Tell me one thing."
"Yes?"
"Do you know anything about this Bolian second officer?"