Chapter Text
EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yo anyone got any extra sticky pistons?
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ur not going to make more redstone traps everywhere are u?
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ...maybe
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: try not to fall in one of ur own pitfall traps again
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: of course I won’t fall in my own traps i’m a pro gamer Hilda smh
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: also holy shit did Edelgard seriously raid Flayn’s house again? the place is trashed
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh no D: Flayn worked so hard on rebuilding it
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you’d think she’d learn to stop building by spawn
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she said she liked the pretty view too much
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ain’t much of a view left anymore lmao its just kinda a crater now
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn she really went all out this time
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but for real where does Edelgard keep getting all this tnt from
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Hubert. He gives her anything she asks for. If he doesn’t have what she wants he goes and grinds for it.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: The other day he was up til 3am making her a perfect set of enchanted diamond armor.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: actually that explains a lot
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait Lysithea since when have you been on?
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’ve been online since before you logged in, Claude.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh
EpicGamerClaude fell from a high place.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: shit nobody touch my stuff
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Ha, loser.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Shut up, Lorenz. You dug straight down right into lava yesterday.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Ha, loser.
(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude did you fall into your own traps again
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Yes, yes he did.
EpicGamerClaude fell from a high place.
(Deer) horsegirluwu: bruh
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: okay so maybe I did but to be fair making these is not easy
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok but do you really need to make so many tho?? like i went to use the farm and almost fell into one
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: of course i do. you’ll appreciate them when the eagles try to raid us again lmao
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, don’t you mean “if” the Black Eagles try to raid us again?
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no I mean when because as soon as her royal highness logs on shes gonna be pissed
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude what did you do
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude, what did you do?
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, what did you do?
(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude what did you do
(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude did you do something stupid again goddamnit i just want to tame some fucking horses in peace
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: did… marianne just curse?? holy shit??
(Deer) Jeraltstan: have you never seen her talk online Hilda? Mari swears like a sailor
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: why do you guys always assume I did something horrible all I did was cover her base in lava
(Deer) horsegirluwu: fuck this im going to go play pokemon
horsegirluwu has left the game.
Supermeatboy has joined the game.
(Deer) Supermeatboy: yo whats up guys? sorry I’m late a bro of mine needed me to spot him
(Deer) Supermeatboy: Ignatz said hed be on soon too
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude what the fuck
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: ^
(Deer) Jeraltstan: ^
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is what I believe Marianne referred to as a “Claude moment.”
(Deer) Supermeatboy: oh no what did Claude do this time?
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Covered Edelgard’s base in lava, which basically is gonna put the Black Eagles on the warpath again.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh cmon you guys have no faith in me
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: You haven’t given us a reason to, Claude.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but get this my plan is foolproof
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: dimitri left his acct logged in at the library and I used his account to do it
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i had to work fast tho before dedue found out
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: you do realize once dimitri finds out we’re gonna have both the other houses on our ass right
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thats what the traps are for theyre a contingency plan
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: worst case if that doesnt work I’ll suck up to teach to make her give me godmode
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: She won’t give you godmode, Claude.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yes she will
(Deer) Jeraltstan: no she wont
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: No she won’t
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yall are party poopers
(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not gay ok
(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck wrong chat
(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: This just in: Sylvain is a fucking moron.
(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: D:
(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain you idiot use the faction chat
(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: you sure ur not gay bro id be down
(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought u and hubert have a thing going tho
(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: nah rn hes still too busy tryna suck Edel’s toes to notice me
ArtMan445 has joined the game.
(Deer) Supermeatboy: hey Ignatz! :D
(Deer) Artman445: Hello, Raphael.
(Deer) ArtMan445: What did I miss?
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Nothing much, Claude is just starting a war again.
(Deer) ArtMan445: Claude, you couldn’t have waited until after I had finalized a deal with Linhardt for his enchanted books?
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no I had one chance and I took it while I had the opportunity
(Deer) Artman445: -_-
(Deer) Supermeatboy: why is there a hole in the farm
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh whoops thats my bad gimme a hot sec and ill come fix it
(Deer) Supermeatboy: great thanks
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Lysithea, I think we should probably start stocking up on potions. We will likely need them for the coming incursion.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I agree. For once, Lorenz, you actually have a good idea.
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Lysithea, that was uncalled for.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No it wasn’t.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Ha, loser.
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, as Marianne once put it, “shut your whore mouth.”
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: speaking of marianne whered she go
(Deer) Jeraltstan: she said she was leaving to go play pokemon
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh ok you dont think she’d mind if i borrowed dorte jr for a bit would she
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude whatever you do do not touch dorte jr just take my horse
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: which one is ur horse
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: look for the one with the stupid name I stole it from Ferdinand
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: sir handsome the second?
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yeah thats it
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: sweet thanks hilda
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Which one of you finished my oreos?
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: not me
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: not me
(Deer) Artman445: not me
(Deer) Supermeatboy: wasn’t me
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: ‘Twas not I.
(Deer) Jeraltstan: not me
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: When I find out who did this, they will be catching these hands.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: lysithea you’re literally a gremlin i dont think you can hurt any of us
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Watch me.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: whoah calm down there tiger its just oreos
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Just oreos? Bitch those were my oreos.
EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: i ate her oreos how fucked am I
PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: very
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey lysi check your dms
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I will in one second.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude you’re dead.
EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: hilda what the fuck
PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: sorry bro but i didnt wanna get blamed for it
EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: traitor
PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: hoes mad
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: will you forgive me if I replace them
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: what if i replace them with an extra box as an apology
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Fine. Send me the money right now.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn lysithea cant i just give you the money tomorrow?
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: fine.
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Thanks for doing business.
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn lysi you gonna rob me blind
(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude shut the hell up you’re stacked
AdrestianPrincess has joined the game.
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh shit here we go
EdelgardWorshipper1 has joined the game.
(Deer) Artman445: Oh no. This is bad.
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: one sec imma msg mari to get back on shes gonna wanna see this lmao
horsegirluwu has joined the game.
(Deer) horsegirluwu: i heard shit was about to go down
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Oh, it most certainly is, Marianne. It is about to be as you would say “on like Donkey Kong.”
(Deer) horsegirluwu: who let lorenz speak
(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Marianne, you wound me so. I thought we were friends! Noble comrades in arms!
(Deer) horsegirluwu: shut up nerd
(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Which one of you covered my house in lava?
(Global) (Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: I will personally murder whichever one of you hooligans covered Lady Edelgard’s house in lava.
(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Hubert. No murder. Not in real life, at least.
(Global) (Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Of course, Lady Edelgard.
(Deer) Jeraltstan: we’re fucked thanks Claude
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: relax leonie
(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: you guys do realize the culprit likely won’t confess to the crime, right?
(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I do, but I was hoping they’d confess if I offered to give them some small bit of mercy.
(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude you’re fucked
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no im not watch this
(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i didn’t do it but
(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: perhaps if the culprit will not come forward to admit to their heinous crimes you could check who did it using coreinspect?
(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: You know, Claude, that’s not a half-bad idea.
(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thanks i try
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: see guys we’re gonna be just fine
(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmao this gonna be wild
(Deer) Supermeatboy: im just gonna keep on farming and pretend i never saw this happen
(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why did I just get a message saying we are at war with eagles??
(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I am willing to offer a stack of diamonds for the coordinates of Dimitri’s base.
(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh shit here we go
(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: see look it worked
(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: For now it has.