Chapter Text
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Why are there chickens everywhere by the blaze farm I built for Lady Edelgard?
(Eagles) SexySinger: Chickens?
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Yes. There are chickens everywhere. It is slowing down my computer.
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Killing them all is becoming a tiresome task.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: do u not have optifine??
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: What is “optifine”?
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: it makes ur minecraft run faster hoob and it allows u to zoom in and stuff its pretty neat
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Do not call me “hoob.” My name is Hubert.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: why not
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Call me hoob again and there will be consequences.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh? like what
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Caspar, stop it.
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: I do not want to have to deal with patching you up after he destroys you.
Caspartheghost —> CrestTextbook: lin D: cmon bro ur supposed to back me up here
CrestTextbook —> Caspartheghost: Caspar, you are strong, but Hubert has magic. Can you punch through magic? I don’t think so.
Caspartheghost —> CrestTextbook: oh ok yea that makes sense
Caspartheghost —> CrestTextbook: without magic tho id totally kick his ass right
CrestTextbook —> Caspartheghost: Likely, yes.
Caspartheghost —> CrestTextbook: likely?? lin ur supposed to say yeah bro youd totally win
CrestTextbook —> Caspartheghost: It would be foolish to ignore the possibility of Hubert winning, even though it is unlikely considering his physique.
Caspartheghost —> CrestTextbook: so basically what ur saying is id totally win. gotcha thanks lin :D
CrestTextbook —> Caspartheghost: That wasn’t what I said.
Casparttheghost —> CrestTextbook: yea it was dw i gotchu bro i can read between the lines
(Eagles) SexySinger: Do any of you have a spare set of armor I can borrow? I need to murder Sylvain. <3
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Oh no, what’d he do this time?
(Eagles) SexySinger: He existed.
BrigidPride has joined the game.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: hi petra!!
(Eagles) SexySinger: Hi, Petra! <3 How are you today?
(Eagles) BrigidPride: I am well. And how are you being currently?
(Eagles) SexySinger: I’m going good. About to go kill Sylvain. <3
(Eagles) BrigidPride: Ah! Are you requiring supplies? I am having extra armor somewhere.
(Eagles) SexySinger: I’d love that, thanks! <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: how come you give everyone else a <3 when you greet them, but not me Dorothea?
(Eagles) SexySinger: That’s obvious. Look at your username.
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: i don’t understand??
(Eagles) BrigidPride: Correct me if I am being wrong, but I believe she is saying she is thinking you stupid, Ferdinand.
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: wow ok i see how it is you guys think I’m stupid, huh? calling people mean names isn’t nice D:
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Ferdinand, they are merely stating facts, not calling you mean names.
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: wow even hubert?
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i think ur cool bro
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: thank you, Caspar that means a lot to me rn
(Eagles) SexySinger: His opinion on your intelligence means nothing. He sat on a cactus the other day.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE D:<
(Eagles) SexySinger: I’m sorry, Caspar, but it was just too funny. I couldn’t NOT share it.
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: wait u rlly sat on a cactus?? how did you manage that??
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: it was an accident i didnt mean to sit on the cactus!!!
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i was doing some work in the greenhouse and i saw this rlly cool bug right
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: and right next to this cactus there was an upside down pot i thought would be perfect for sitting on so i could get a better look at it
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: Then why didn’t you?
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i’m getting to that part if you’d let me finish
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i tried to sit on the pot and i wasnt looking so i missed and sat on the cactus instead
(Eagles) BrigidPride: I am being sorry Caspar, but that is very funny.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: it wasn’t funny it hurt D:
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: and lin had to help me pull the needles out of my ass and that hurt even more :(
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Please never make me have to do that again.
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: It was rather unpleasant.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh really I didnt notice i was too busy HAVING MY ASS FULL OF CACTUS NEEDLES
(Eagles) SexySinger: You say you don’t want people to know and then you scream about it, Caspar.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: shit i gotta shut up
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: hey bernie do u have any extra oak logs
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: is she even online rn???
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: she is dw
(Eagles) Berniebear: why wont you leave me alone???
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Sometimes I want to ask him the same question, Bernadetta.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: BRUh! Lin cmon thats not very cash money of you dude
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Three words, Caspar. Cactus. Needles. Buttocks.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: just say ass lmao buttocks sounds so stuck up like
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: ooo look at me im linhardt im smart i say buttocks instead of ass ooo
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Caspar, if you want me to help you with your homework ever again I suggest you hush.
(Eagles) CrestTextbook: Because I could easily use that time on more productive things.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: wow ur rlly gonna play that card huh guess I’ll just have to go play barbie since you all BULLY me
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i hate all of you
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: except for Petra and Bernie yall cool and lin youre on thin ice but for rn ur cool
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: anyways imma go play barbie PEACE
Caspartheghost has left the game.
(Eagles) BrigidPride: What are these strange white animals that are being in the snowy area?
(Eagles) SexySinger: Wolves?
(Eagles) BrigidPride: No, they are bigger. And in the snowy area where there is no trees.
(Eagles) SexySinger: Oh! Polar bears.
(Eagles) BrigidPride: Interesting. I have never seen such a creature before.
(Eagles) SexySinger: I think they’re common up in the northern part of Faerghus.
(Eagles) BrigidPride: Ah! I see! I am having gratitude for your explanation, Dorothea.
(Eagles) SexySinger: Anytime. <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: and there you go with the hearts again!! you wound me so dorothea
(Eagles) SexySinger: Too bad.
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: :(
(Eagles) SexySinger: <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: oh so you only give me a <3 to mock me i see how it is
(Eagles) SexySinger: <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: stop it
(Eagles) SexySinger: <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: >:(
(Eagles) SexySinger: <3
(Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: fuck you
(Eagles) SexySinger: <3
IamFerdinandvonAegir has left the game.
(Eagles) SexySinger: How to get rid of idiots in 5 easy steps! Dermatologists hate her!
Caspartheghost has joined the game.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: I’m back bitches
AdrestianPrincess has joined the game.
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Welcome back, Lady Edelgard.
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Hubert, is there no way for you to change your username?
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: It’s garish.
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: As you had Caspar make the account for me, I am unable to change the username.
(Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: He has most of the account locked behind parental controls.
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Caspar, help him change his username.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: why? i think his user suits him perfectly
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: i even made sure to put the 1 at the end to show hes ur number one fan :D
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I’ve told you several times to change it. You’ve had time to.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: well actually ive been rlly busy playing barbie and
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Fix it or I will confiscate your copy of Barbie Horse Adventures.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok ok fine brb hubert log off for a sec so i can change it
EdelgardWorshipper1 has left the game.
GothHoob has joined the game.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: there are you happy now princess
(Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: While I’d imagine that isn’t exactly the username he wanted, it’s at least one I can tolerate seeing on my screen.
(Eagles) GothHoob: I demand someone give me Caspar’s current location.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: sorry not telling I dont want to die
(Eagles) SexySinger: It’s okay, Hubie.
(Eagles) SexySinger: It’s definitely better than your old username by miles. <3
(Eagles) GothHoob: I don’t know why I waste my time with you lot.
GothHoob has left the game.
pu55yslayersylvain —> SexySinger: did you get my letter??
SexySinger —> pu55yslayersylvain: If you’re referring to the “minecraft gf contract”, I tore it up and threw it into the fireplace. <3
pu55yslayersylvain —> SexySinger: did I not offer enough diamonds
SexySinger —> FighterFraldarius: Hey Felix! <3 Would you mind giving me a tp to Sylvain’s base?
FighterFraldarius —> SexySinger: Why?
SexySinger —> FighterFraldarius: I need to murder him. Repeatedly.
FighterFraldarius —> SexySinger: I’d be happy to.
pu55yslayersylvain was slain by SexySinger using [<3]
pu55yslayersylvain was slain by SexySinger using [<3]
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: shit dorotheas going beastmode.
pu55yslayersylvain was slain by SexySinger using [<3]
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: damn
pu55yslayersylvain was slain by SexySinger using [<3]
pu55yslayersylvain was slain by SexySinger using [<3]
pu55yslayersylvain has left the game.
SexySinger —> FighterFraldarius: Thanks! <3
FighterFraldarius —> SexySinger: Anytime.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: did you spawncamp him lmao
(Eagles) SexySinger: Of course I did. <3
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: how did u even find his base
(Eagles) SexySinger: Oh, that was actually rather simple.
(Eagles) SexySinger: I simply asked Felix to tp me there.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: and he let u in???
(Eagles) SexySinger: After I told him I wanted to kill Sylvain, yes, he did. <3
(Eagles) SexySinger: He told me he’d be happy to.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: wow.
(Eagles) Caspartheghost: I can’t believe dorothea is such a gamer holy shit dude