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Ben isn’t a paranoid person, but when your boyfriend is being secretive and seems distracted for the past few weeks it makes the paranoia raise their ugly heads. Ben’s own hidden insecurities are at the front of his mind, he hates how he’s become vulnerable and seeming weak. He doesn’t show it though, of course not, he has a reputation to withhold.
When Callum is sleeping in the crook of Ben’s neck, he lets himself feel like a little boy, makes the most vulnerable part of him show. Ben threads his fingers through Callum’s messy outgrown hair, he whispers nothings into the man’s ear.
Words like “please don’t leave me. “ or the purest of words “ I need you. You and Lex are all I have, I can’t lose you. “ and the most heartbreaking “ I need you to show me what protection is, I need you to show me how loved I am again. “
Ben doesn’t like feeling insecure, he loathes it to his bones. The insecurities make you feel so reckless and weak that you can’t think rationally anymore.
Ben doesn’t like feeling out of control.
Ben knows Callum isn’t cheating on him, Callum wouldn’t ever do that again because with the situation with Whitney broke Callum. Ben knows, Callum’ll never go through that torment of pain and guilt again.
So, Ben has come to the conclusion that he is the problem. I mean who would want to stay with a visionally and hearing impaired person, who has more issues than vogue, who is just so complex and a right stubborn prick sometimes. Ben would leave Ben if that was even possible. Callum is a sweet heart, who is compassionate and a dork and is generous to everyone. He wouldn’t heart a fly, even Ben doesn’t know why Callum is with him sometimes. He feels lucky to be with Callum, that he should be grateful to even feel loved by another human being.
Ben wraps the quilt around them both, it feels more like a protection blanket. Ben lets himself relax, let’s himself smile when Callum wraps his body further into Ben’s body. He softly kisses Callum’s head, lets himself feel into unconsciousness.
He shouldn’t waste these last few moments with Callum for granted.
/-/
Ben wakes up contently, he goes to snuggle up to his boyfriend but he ain’t there. Instead, lays a cold space beside him. The panic sets in, maybe he’s left him, maybe he has had enough of Ben and fucked off. Till, Ben hears the kettle boil. He puts on his fluffy thick robe and swaggers into the living room, weakly smiling to himself watching an unknown Callum hum and do a little hip wiggle as he makes a coffee.
“ You’re a right softie you are. “ Ben smirks, walks up to him and hugs his back, pushing his crotch into Callum’s bum.
“ Hmmm definitely a softie.” He says in the back of his throat, letting his hands fumble with Callum’s hardening semi.
Callum chuckles, turns his head slightly to capture a kiss to Ben’s scruffy jaw. “ You best do something about that then. “ he teasingly states, turning around in Ben’s embrace and pushing his boyfriend into the counter. The insecurities float away and the negativity of thoughts leave Ben’s mind, in which he is thankful.
“ oh yeh? “ Ben bites his lip, his voice light and cheeky. “ How you going do that loverboy? “ he grins. Callum doesn’t say anything, instead, sucking hard on Ben’s neck, just a few inches from his ear. Ben moans loudly, letting the best feeling in the world consume him. Callum sucking at his neck, twirling his tongue on the soft skin and letting his hands wonder behind Ben’s back. Ben pushes Callum body further into his as Callum has a firm grip on Ben’s arse, softly grinding against him.
Till he unfortunately pulls away and Ben whines.
“ Come on! Why you stop for? “Ben’s voice deep with desire.
“ I need go to work. “ Callum says simply, like that is the exceptional answer to end a heated pre shag.
“ Yeh? Well I think you need to work hard on something else - much more harder. “ Ben slides his hand down into Callum’s and puts his hand into Ben’s briefs. Callum moans again, feeling himself weakening again, feeling the full length of his beautiful boyfriend in his hands.
Callum groans in annoyance with himself, still playing with Ben’s hard cock. “ I need to go. “ he says, nearly a whine, their lips inches apart.
“ Go after. “ Ben hungrily kisses his boyfriend again, forbidding him to go.
“ What If i make it up to you? “ Callum suggest, running his fingers through Ben’s hair.
He sighs heavily, pulling away from him.
“ Fine. You owe me Highway! You better show me how apologetic you are, for not giving the best boyfriend the best shag he’ll ever have. “
“ mmmm I’ll think I’ll be forgiven. “ Callum whispers, pecking Ben’s lips and cheek again before pulling away from him completely. He walks into their bedroom and gets changed. Ben watches him go, mentally kicks himself for being so stupid. How could Ben think Callum was looking elsewhere? It is so obvious Callum only loves Ben, when Ben looks into Callum’s eyes all he can see is love. Ben needs to stop wallowing in self insecurity and actually observe the relationship. Callum loves Ben, he wouldn’t ever leave him, Ben is devoted to Callum and would certainly not leave him.
Ben needs to stop being a muppet.
/-/
Ben walks into The Funeral Parlour in a happy mood, this morning, like every other morning with Callum, always sets Ben in a happy mood.
He smiles brightly, without showing his teeth, the cheeky up to no good smile. As Jay recognises.
“ What do you want? “ Jay bluntly asks his brother, like his presence is annoying him.
Ben shakes surrender.
“ What’s got your knickers in a twist?! “
Jay rolls his eyes at him.
“ My knickers ain’t in a twist. “
“ well mine were this morning- your employee is very good with his hands. “ Ben smirks smugly at the confession of his and Callum’s antics this morning.
Jay huffs, rolling his eyes again.
“ I don’t wanna know about my brothers’ sex life. “
“ just because you ain’t getting any. “ Ben shrugs, unapologetically.
“ Why you come -“
Ben’s grin widens with an innuendo. Jay ignores it.
Jay continues. “ - here for? “
“ to see my handsy boyfriend! “ Ben explains, dramatically.
Jay frowns at him, playing with his pen. “ he ain’t ‘ere. “
“ He driving around dead people again? I’ll wait for him then. “ Ben slides into the opposite seat of the desk to Jay.
“ no he ain’t come to work today, he has a day off. “
Something settles uncomfortably in his stomach. Callum lied to him in his face, Callum actually looked like he was telling the truth.
“ He told me he was. “ Ben commented, aimlessly and confused.
“ well he ain’t. I’m sure he has a reason Ben, he’s a good one. “ Jay tries to reassure his brother. Ben forced a smile, the insecurities coming back again. He knew this morning was too good to be true.
Ben leaves and doesn’t notice Jay peeping over before getting his phone out and texting Callum.
Jay - Ben is onto you. Good luck mate
Ben stands outside The Funeral Parlour for a minute letting himself take in the information. Callum lied to him, Jay told him Callum ain’t in work.
Nobody makes a laughing stock out of Ben Mitchell.
-/-
Ben decides to sit in his mums cafe, to settle his turmoil of thoughts over a coffee. He doesn’t have a clue with what is happening with Callum. He knows him inside and out, but recently Ben has found it hard to read him.
A ping gets him out of his thoughts and it’s Callum. Even now, with Ben having this crisis with what to do, reading Callum’s contact name “Callum x” brings a smile to his face.
Callum x - I know I have explaining to do. It ain’t nothing bad! Meet me by my car at 5 and all will be revealed!
Ben huffs out a little laugh
Callum x - love u x
At least that eases his brain more. He wonders what is Callum up too? It isn’t an anniversary, they’ve only been together for a year. They celebrated their one year anniversary last month, in a hotel room with champagne.
What is his airhead of a boyfriend planning?
-/-
“ Ta-da! “
Ben’s eyes moved from his idiotic boyfriend to the car.
“ it’s a car Callum. “
“ Yes, but it has a picnic! “ Callum told him excitedly.
“ You want us to have a picnic in your car? “
Callum sighed, gestured for his boyfriend to get into the vehicle.
“ I am taking us to a beach, where we can have a picnic and watch the sunset. “ he explained to his incapable boyfriend.
“ Aw how sweet of you dear. “ Ben sniped back, sarcastically.
“ Come on it’ll be fun! I’ve been booked us a hotel room, free room service, a king sized bed and free bottles of champagne!”
“ What’ve you done? “ Ben accused, rising an eyebrow.
“ nothing! “ A flustered Callum said.
“ Hmm. “
“ It’s a surprise. “
Ben smirked wider, sliding his hand from Callum’s thigh to his crotch. “ oh I do love surprises I do. “
“ And maybe I’ve got another surprise if the first surprise goes well. “ Callum said, his voice teasingly that made Ben even more excited for the journey to unfold.
After 90 minutes of driving, Ben and Callum have finally made it to their destination. The beach.
Callum books them in at the hotel and afterwards he holds Ben’s hand and the basket of food and drink, to make their way to the beach.
Callum pulls out two blankets, one to sit on and another to wrap themselves in.
“ I’m intrigued to know what occasion this is for babe. “ Ben states, rubs Callum’s arm as a comfort. He sips on his beer and takes another mini sausage roll from the plastic container.
Callum takes in a deep breath before kneeling on both knees, he gets a box from his back pocket and holds it anxiously.
“ I wanted to do this a bit after but - I don’t want to wait. “ Callum rushes out, as he speaks. Ben frowns at him, confused, but he subconsciously knows what’s about to happened.
Those butterflies come back again and his heart seizes and expands in love.
“ this past year you’ve been my rock - and that isn’t because you’re heavy -“
Ben playfully pushes his boyfriend. “ oi! Cheeky! I ain’t fat! “
Callum chuckles and tightening his grip on Ben’s hand. “ - you’ve shown me what love is, you’ve helped me to be me and taught me how I could accept myself. “ Callum lists out, Ben smiles weakly, proud of Callum.
“ I’ve put you through some crap, like actual crap! When I took us and lex to Wales and I accidentally tripped you up and you fell in cow plat -“
Ben grimaced at the memory.
“ It took me 3 showers to get that shit out of my hair! “
Callum did look guilty before looking too amused. “ Lex was laughing at you for ages. “ he fondly said, before continuing. “ This year and few months you’ve shown me that I am worth the hassle, I am worth of love. Even when I wished I did die in that explosion -“
Ben’s face fell, his eyes looking sad again remembering that horrific day. “ - you didn’t deserve to die, to die alone out there -“
“ I know, I know that now, but I was at a bad place but I’m so thankful I didn’t because I wouldn’t have this. you me and lex. “
“ and we’re grateful you’re with us, even if you are a right idiot sometimes. “ Ben replied back, with a smirk. “ What were you thinking of cal? trying to make Lex a swing in the park! “
“ I thought it was a good idea! “ Callum defended himself.
“ You got stuck in a tree for 2 hours! We had to ring the fire burgage! “
“ Yeh Alright it wasn’t my finest moment -“
“ so when you fell down the stairs with nothing but a towel wrapped around you and Lola saw your bits was normal then? “
Callum stared at him lost for words. Genuinely nothing to say to that. “ - my point is I love you Ben Mitchell. I love your snarky, sarcastic, gobby and shady personality becos it makes you -you. Even when I want to bash your head in with a shovel. “
“ Thanks Cal. “ Ben dryly said, but there was a twinkle in his eye.
“ What I’m trying to say is - I want to be your husband- I want us to be together. I want lex to call me daddy too, I want us three to be a family. “ Callum’s voice wobbled with nerves, internally begging Ben to not reject him. Ben was choking up now, overwhelmed. “ What do you say? “
“ Well you haven’t actually asked me you muppet! “
“ Ben Mitchell, will you marry me? “
Ben lunged for his fiancé, kissing him full on the lips. He didn’t care if he nearly broke Callum’s spine or the sand getting into their clothes.
Nothing else matters.
“ I take that as a yes then? “ Callum breathlessly said, looking deep into those eyes.
“ Yes it’s a yes! I can’t have any other bloke have you can I? You’re mine. “ Ben passionately said, repeatedly kissing Callum.
“ put it on me then. “
Callum reached for the ring and slid it onto Ben’s finger. “ I Err - I got us matching bands but the initials -“ he stopped himself from talking. Instead, showing Ben the two wedding bands.
They both read for each ones
- Mine C.H & Yours B.M
Ben blinked away tears, tracing his finger over the engraved words. “ ...Cal... “ he choked out, stunned.
“ Do you like them? I can chang -“ Callum panicked.
“ Shut up, you muppet. “ Ben kissed his fiancé again. “ you’re beautiful you know? I love you so much Cal. “
“ I love you too, Ben. “ They rested their foreheads together.
Ben rested his head on Callum’s chest gazing at his wedding ring. The front view of the sunset making their bodies humiliate them. Ben has been loved before, but this is different. Callum is his soulmate. He hopes Paul would be proud of him.
Callum sat up slightly tugging Ben into his side more rubbing his shoulder, confused why Ben is softly crying.
“ I’m just so happy. “ Ben choked out, he feels himself again, like he doesn’t have to put up an act. “ You have changed me so much Cal, you’ve made me want to be a better man. “ he sincerely told his fiancé. “ I just - I hope Paul would be proud of me, you know? “
Callum nods his head understanding. Paul is a big part of Ben’s life, he’ll never take away that from Ben or replace Paul. “ He would Ben, he would be so proud of you. You have a booming business, a beautiful intelligent daughter and you’re set to get married to me. “ Callum chuckled at that last bit, trying to lighten the mood to make Ben smile. “ anyone would be a bit hesitant to get married to me! I’m a disaster waiting to happen. “
Ben shook his head softly, sitting up straighter now and gently kissing Callum’s knuckles. “ don’t say that Cal. You need to give yourself more credit, you know. “
Callum brushed it off, he can feel his cheeks redding. “ Chris would be proud of you too. “ Ben told him, he knew it struck a nerve when Callum looked like he got punched.
It is the same with Ben, being reminded of the love being ripped away from you, it still hurts even after years since they died.
“ Nah he wouldn’t. “ Callum whispered, looking down at their linked hands.
“ he would Cal, you have everything, you’re about to marry the fittest bloke in the square! “ Ben explained, with a massive grin. Ben felt his heart contract when Callum laughed, his face lightening up again.
“ both Chris and Paul will be proud of us, they differently, but similarly, taught us how to be us. They will be proud that we’ve found each other, we have found happiness. We will always love them, but we’re not forgetting them, just finding our own happiness in the present. “
“ When did you become so wise?” Callum smiled, what Ben said is so true.
“ always am. “ Ben shrugged.
Callum leant up to him again and pressed another kiss to his lips.
“ Come on, we need to go before the hotel closes. “
-:-
“ wow. “ Ben breathed out.
“ impressed? “ Callum grinned smugly, still laying on his back beside Ben.
“ I never knew you had it in ya. “
Callum kissed Ben’s sweaty shoulder. “ I still got it in me - if you want another round? “ he traced his finger up and down Ben’s naked body.
“ You have officially shattered me. “ Ben breathed out a laugh, turning onto his side to lay half on Callum.
“ well what about if I get us some food, then sleep and then I can show you how flexible I am then. “
“Kinky bastard. “ Ben murmured. “ but you’re glad I’m into that and marrying you though isn’t it? “
“ very much so. “ Callum smiled, into the kiss and Ben let Callum assault his body again with kisses and hickeys.