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Ava sighed as she looked at the DCN twitter post about her.
That news account had been spreading rumors about her since she first became the director, and honestly she was too tired to deal with them right now.
She put her phone up and cuddled more into Sara's embrace. She'd been laying in the same position for the past couple of hours. She was being held by Sara and her head was resting on Sara's chest.
Her mind was still reeling from everything that had happened, everything she'd seen in 2213 was clouding her thoughts and made it nearly impossible for her to focus on the show Sara was watching.
To put it lightly, Ava was a mess. She was terrified that when she told Sara the truth, the blonde would leave her. She knew it wasn't fair to keep this from Sara, but she didn't know how to talk about it.
Her eyes stung from crying so much and she just wanted to sleep the day, and the rest of the week, away.
She sniffed and tightened her arm around Sara. She was thinking about all the moments they'd had together, she truly had never felt the way she felt towards Sara with anyone else. No one had ever made her feel this free before, this happy. And now she could lose it over something that wasn't her fault.
"Sara." Ava whispered, her voice raspy and quiet from lack of use.
Sara's attention immediately went to Ava. "Yeah, baby?"
Ava smiled slightly at the nickname and blushed before frowning again when she remembered what she was about to tell Sara.
"I... I want to tell you what I saw."
Sara was surprised, to say the least. She knew Ava would tell her eventually, but she didn't think it would be so soon
She nodded and paused the show, sitting up more on the bed. Ava followed suit, looking down as she took Sara's hand and held it tightly. She couldn't look at Sara right now, she was terrified to see the disgusted look on her face when she heard the truth about Ava.
"I don't even know how to say this..." Ava sighed and wiped away her tears with her free hand, trying to gather her thoughts. She was so scared she'd lose Sara, she could feel her chest tightening at just the thought of that.
"I... um... I..." Ava choked on her words and had to stop. She could barely breathe, she'd never felt this anxious or unsure about anything ever in her life. She was so used to being self assured, and she was the opposite of that right now
She closed her eyes, feeling her heartbeat start to race out of control and it was hard for her to breathe smoothly.
How am I supposed to tell her what's going on if I can barely breathe?
"Ava, stop." Sara's soft voice broke through Ava's panic. "You need to breathe. There's no rush in you telling me. Just breathe, baby." She reached over and put her hand over Ava's heart, feeling it race. "Breathe with me, babe." She instructed as she started taking more deliberate breaths so Ava could hear them and follow along.
Ava put her hand over Sara's heart so she could feel the steady beat of it.
Sara didn't normally use pet names this much with Ava, but she knew the taller blonde liked it and she hoped it would help calm her down.
"That's it, Aves. You're doing so good." Sara whispered when Ava started breathing with her and her heart noticeably slowed down.
Ava smiled lightly at the reassurance and continued breathing with Sara. She knew she would've zoned off into her own thoughts if it wasn't Sara's steady voice guiding her through this.
Sara was trying not to get panicked herself. She knew that this must be serious, seeing how Ava reacted to just the mere thought of it.
Ava sighed when she felt the tightness in her chest finally loosen and the distinct feeling of lightheadedness lessen. She blushed, embarrassed at how she'd panicked like that.
"Sorry."
She felt soft fingers on her chin, lifting it up to make her look into Sara's eyes.
"You have nothing to apologize for, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."
Ava searched Sara's eyes for any sign that she was lying and she didn't find it.
She took Sara's hand again, feeling a bit more confident about sharing what was wrong now that Sara seemed to be ready to hear anything.
"I'm a clone."
Ava didn't mean to blurt it out like that. She'd wanted to build up to it, maybe tell Sara about the facility first, before she revealed who, what, she was.
"You're a... clone?"
Sara looked confused more than anything, but disgust and hate didn't even register on her face. Ava could've almost cried in relief.
"In 2213... clones are a normal thing. A lot of people have them. They're... um... programmed. To do specific things. There's one for being a mother, one for being a teacher, one for being a chef... basically any role you can think of, clones are programmed to do." Ava stopped to gage Sara's response to this.
Sara just nodded and brought Ava's hand up to her lips and kissed it. "What else?" She whispered and gave her a reassuring smile. Ava felt like crying again.
"They're all created in a lab. Not born. I... I saw one get... formed in front of me. They're all created as adults... um... there's thousands of them. They all look like me. They're all named 'Ava'."
Sara's first thought was, what the fuck. But she schooled her features to show Ava that she wasn't upset, just curious.
"I... I was confused at first. I have memories of me being a child... of growing up and being with my parents. I have all of that but... they're all fake. My memories. They're not real and neither am I." Ava's voice cracked and she couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes.
"Everything about me is fake. Nothing about me is unique. I'm one of a million."
Sara couldn't stand to hear that from Ava. "That's not true, Aves." She said and when she saw Ava open her mouth to interject, she quickly continued, "you are very unique. You have so many qualities about you that set you apart from other people."
Ava shook her head and sniffed. "No, I don't. I'm like every other clone. I don't even know how old I am. I don't know how long I've been alive for. How pathetic is that?" She chuckled bitterly.
"I... I understand if you want to b-break up. I get it. I'm not who... what... you thought I was. You deserve someone real." Ava rambled, her words eventually just melting into sobs as she thought about the very real possibility that Sara could break up with her right now and want nothing else to do with her.
"Aves, you are the person I thought you were. You're still the stubborn, smart, amazing woman I fell for. I don't care about your past, just like you don't care about mine. You are extraordinary, Ava. Fuck, I've never met anyone as amazing as you are." Sara said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
Ava cried harder, hiding her face in Sara's neck. "H-how can you say those things? Now that you know what I am?" She sobbed and clutched the front of Sara's shirt in her closed fist, feeling Sara wrap her arms around her without hesitation to hold her close.
"Because I know you. And I know that you are a badass, and you are different. Just because you look like the clones doesn't mean you're like them. Your personality is uniquely yours, I bet no other clone has that." Sara said and kissed Ava's head, holding her protectively.
Ava stayed silent for a moment, letting everything that Sara said soak in.
"I don't know who I am anymore." She voiced the fear she'd had ever since she found out the truth about herself.
"You're Ava Sharpe, secret romantic, reluctant chef, director of the Time Bureau. You're the most extraordinary, most beautiful person I've ever met." Sara replied instantly, and her heart broke when her words just made Ava sob more into her chest.
"I d-don't know what to do. I want to know more about the cloning facility and about... myself. But I'm scared of what I'll find out." She admitted softly.
"Well, you don't have to make that decision right now. You have the rest of the week off to think about it and even more than that if you need it. Take your time, there's no rush and I'll be there with you every step of the way, if you want me to be."
God, I love you was the first thing Ava wanted to say but she bit her lip to stop herself from blurting that out.
"I do. I don't want to do this without you." Ava finally said and pulled back a bit so she could look into Sara's eyes.
Sara smiled down at her and said, "then you won't have to. I'm here."
Ava leaned in and smiled when Sara did the same and kissed her softly, but chastely, on the lips.
"Thank you, love." Ava whispered as she pulled away. "I'm so lucky to have you." She cuddled back into Sara and pulled the covers over them.
"I'm the lucky one, Aves."