Chapter Text
“Izuku is missing.”
Fuck.
Fuck no.
What the fuck was his dad even saying? What did he mean? Deku was missing? He couldn’t breathe. His room suddenly felt too small, too full of the sound of his mom on the phone with Inko Midoriya, too cramped with his dad’s concerned hovering. He needed to get out. So, ignoring his dad’s questions and attempts to calm him, Katsuki shoved past them and ran down the stairs. His parents were calling after him and the storm was now raging outside but he barely even paused at the door to slip on his shoes before bolting.
Once outside, he was immediately disoriented. Heavy, cold droplets crashed against his face, the sound nearly drowning out the thunder that rattled his already racing heart. He didn’t even know where he was going at first, just took off running down the road. A few blocks away he hit the detour marked by police tape that still denied access to his usual route to school and he smacked himself with a curse. The villain attack earlier that day. While most of the wreckage had probably been cleared out, the area was still shut down. He backtracked and took off down a sidestreet that would take him around the quarantined area. He ran full tilt, the colors of the few convenience stores and diners that were still open blurring together. He thought he might have run into some scrawny looking older man at some point who tried to calm him down but Katsuki just shoved him aside. He didn’t have time for nosey busybodies. He needed to find Deku before– before what? What would happen if he didn’t find him? Would Deku eventually just go home with some story about how he had gotten distracted or lost his phone? Would he return home at all? Could he? What if something had happened to him? What if someone had done something to him?
Shit.
He couldn’t shut his thoughts down. His mind was spiraling with increasingly grotesque possibilities. No one knew where he was. He wasn’t answering the phone. He was alone (probably). He was defenseless. He had attempted suicide. And now, after a bad week he had gone missing. The thoughts kept racing through his mind and he was barely aware of his surroundings until he nearly crashed into the locked school gates. His hands clasped around the bars, shaking with cold. It was so dark, he couldn’t see anything clearly beyond the small areas lit up by floodlights. Surely if Deku had stayed behind after school a teacher or one of the campus security guards would have found him, right? But… They hadn’t found him back then until it was too late.
Before he could really even consider what he was doing Katsuki started scaling the gate and landed in a crouch on the other side. He immediately took off toward the building, keeping his eyes raised towards the roof. It was dark and the rain kept hitting him in the eyes. He couldn’t make anything out.
“Deku!” He called out, hoping to God that he would somehow be heard over the storm. There was no answer. The doors to the school were locked so he ran a lap around the school. Every corner he rounded, he couldn’t help but imagine the worst. Images from his TV from three months ago that had burned themselves into his mind haunted him more than ever. What would he do if he found Deku… like that? What if Deku was hurt and this time, help didn’t arrive in time? What if Katsuki froze up? Every bush, every swaying shadow, every stray cat made Katsuki’s heart jump into his throat. Without even realizing it, he had rounded the entire building twice.
“Deku!” He shouted again, answered only by the rolling thunder that melded with the stereo sound of his heart in his ears. Deku wasn’t there. He wanted to be relieved but he couldn’t slow the pounding in his chest. If Deku wasn’t at the school then where the hell was he? He had hit the wall – both literally and metaphorically – as he sank to the ground with his back to the gate he had scaled, suddenly out of breath from running nonstop from his house. A panicked breath hitched his throat and he covered his mouth as a sudden wave of nausea swept over him. Deku could be anywhere in Musutafu by now, alone, unreachable by anyone. Would the police be looking for him by now? Surely Inko would have reported him missing right away when he didn’t show up at the doctor’s, right? But what would the police even do? Would they be out looking for him or would they wait the requisite time for him to be declared a missing person?
He screamed in frustration and tugged at his hair. What would a hero do right now? Deku would know. He had always obsessed over the littlest intricacies of hero work, beyond the glamor and battles. He would probably know the exact kind of situation that would warrant bringing in a hero over simple law enforcement. Hell, he’d probably be able to tell anyone the exact threat level that would warrant each kind of hero. He would know which hero would be best suited to finding a missing student, even if it was some rookie…
He paused, an idea stirring in the back of his mind. Deku had to be somewhere in the city. Logically, somewhere within walking distance of his house, the school, and the doctor’s office. Of course, it was possible that he had taken a train, but that would require money or a rail pass. The Midoriya’s weren’t rich by any means, and while he was sure they could afford it, with the school and Inko’s job within walking distance, it was likely that they didn’t often ride the train. Okay, so even with the considerable head start, Deku had to be somewhere not too far away. Even at the best of times he was easily distracted, and there had been that hero fight today. A hero fight that had detoured Katsuki from his usual route, as it was still ongoing when he was walking home. But Deku had left earlier than him. Was it possible that he hadn’t been caught in the detour? It would make sense, given that their usual route would take him to the therapist’s office.
He stumbled to his feet, paying little heed to how numb his fingers and toes were or how thoroughly drenched he was. His second time climbing the gate was considerably less graceful and he landed in a heap and nearly twisted his ankle in his rush. Regardless of how slim his chances, he had a lead and he had to follow it. He couldn’t waste time doubting himself. The path home seemed so different in the dark, less friendly and safe even though it wasn’t really that late. He almost missed a turn and had to skid to a stop to keep from running into oncoming traffic, but it didn’t matter. He reached the area where the fight had been, still blocked by police tape, but he didn’t see anyone patrolling. Without a second thought he slipped underneath and kept running. Without the usual foot traffic, the area seemed downright desolate. He could barely even hear the sounds of the surrounding city over the rain. Store fronts with minor damage, a wrecked fire hydrant still spewing water, scarred flowerbeds; locations that he saw and passed by every day suddenly seemed entirely foreign, as if this section of the world had been reduced to apocalyptic rubble rather than just minor damage that would no doubt be repaired by the end of the week.
He kept running, doing his best to banish those thoughts. He checked down every alley and peered into darkened windows. If Deku had been caught up in the immediate battle, then he was sure he would have been evacuated and taken to the hospital. If that were the case, Inko would have gotten a call. He pushed onward, the rain stinging his eyes but the signs of damage gradually fading. He was still within the quarantined area but everything looked relatively normal despite the darkness. Had the battle not reached this far? He stopped, hunching over and gasping for breath. To his right, a path veered off from the main road to an area that he knew all too well. Endore Municipal Park, where he’d been meeting with Deku for a little over a month, now long abandoned by the children and parents who frequented it. Did this even fall within the quarantine zone?
He walked down the path, forcing himself to slow down, even now gasping to regain his breath. The park at night was dark, lit only by a stray street lamp. He called out, straining to hear anything besides the wind and rain. He passed the playground and the muddy sandbox, the tennis courts, and a jogging trail. Still nothing. He was about to yell again when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. There, next to the bench overlooking a small pond was a nondescript school bag, laying on its side in a puddle. Katsuki broke into a sprint, keeping his eyes locked on the bag, willing himself to get there faster. Closer up he could see something on the bench itself. The silhouette of a person lying on their side, unmoving even as the rain beat down upon them both. The sound of it seemed to disappear and all he could hear was a deafening ringing. At the end of the bench he could see them now in the glow of a lamp: bright red shoes. He nearly stepped on the bag as he grabbed Deku by his shoulder and shook him.
“Hey! Deku, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” He shouted, unable to contain himself. Deku didn’t answer, didn’t even stir. Katsuki shivered. Deku’s eyes were closed, but Katsuki could see them moving beneath the lids and he was shivering violently. Without waiting he grabbed Deku again by both shoulders and hauled him into a sitting position.
Green eyes opened sluggishly. They were blank and glassy, as if he couldn’t comprehend what was happening or wasn’t quite awake.
“Deku,” Katsuki said again, more softly this time. “What are you doing out here? Everyone’s freaking out. Why didn’t you answer your phone?” He knew he probably shouldn’t be grilling him in his condition but the words tumbled out of his mouth without a filter.
Deku just blinked at him and shivered, showing no indication that he either heard or understood what was being said to him. This was getting them nowhere, Katsuki concluded. He pulled Deku off the bench and wrapped an arm around him for support. He stooped awkwardly to pick up the ruined schoolbag and marched both of them toward the Midoriyas’ apartment. It was an awkward way of walking. While Deku didn’t particularly resist or weigh him down, he walked slowly, stumbling like a drunk and not moving without Katsuki’s input. Reaching the Midoriyas’ building seemed to take forever, and then another eternity to climb the stairs to reach the fifth floor where they lived. The two were forced to stand under the sparse awning in front of the door while Katsuki dug through Deku’s soaked bag for the key. He pulled it out with shaking hands and had to try twice before he managed to insert the key into the lock and then jiggled it several times before it fit correctly and let them in.
He half stumbled in, almost dropping Deku as they were suddenly enveloped by the apartment’s warmth. He kicked the door closed, shutting out the howling wind and dropping them into utter silence besides their audible gasping and chattering teeth. Deku still wasn’t looking at him or doing anything on his own. If anything he seemed to have shrunken, as if weighed down. How long had he been sleeping on that bench in the rain? Katsuki dragged Deku out of the doorway, not even taking the time to remove their shoes as he ushered them both towards the communal bathroom, all the while ignoring the prickling feeling on the back of his neck, like the apartment’s very walls were glaring down on him, disapproving of him once again invaded the family’s space. In the bathroom he sat Deku down on the toilet lid and tossed the school bag in the sink before scrambling to find a towel, which he threw on Deku’s head before bolting to his room and rummaging through dresser drawers until he found a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He stopped in the doorway with a groan and forced himself to turn back around and search through more drawers until he found a pair of boxers. If he hadn’t felt like an intruder before, he certainly did now.
Deku sat on the toilet lid exactly where he had left him, still dripping on the tiles, but his eyes seemed more alert and he was slowly turning his head in all directions, as if seeing the bathroom for the first time.
“Deku,” Katsuki said quietly, causing the room’s other occupant to jump suddenly and stare at him. Had he not heard Katsuki enter the room? He shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot, unsure of what he wanted to say. “Do… Do you think you can change into these?” He asked, proffering the clothes. Deku blinked at him with wild eyes before they moved down to the clothes. Without a word, he took the clothes in still trembling hands from Katsuki and nodded sullenly.
Not knowing what to do, Katsuki just nodded back and dismissed himself from the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. In the dark, silent apartment, with no one to look after, Katsuki was suddenly, painfully aware of the mess they had made. The two had tracked mud and rain water all the way from the front entrance, down the hallway to the bathroom and even to Deku’s bedroom. He groaned, swiping a hand down his face and, belatedly, removed his shoes and carried them back to the mudroom by the door. He was wondering if he should raid the kitchen for cleaning supplies when he heard the bathroom door click and swing open revealing Deku, still soaked but now dressed in the clothes Katsuki had brought him, like he hadn’t bothered to dry off at all before changing.
Katsuki tutted disapprovingly, but Deku’s despondence told him that lecturing him right now wouldn’t do either of them any good. Instead, he grasped him as gently as he could by the shoulder and steered him to sit at the kitchen table before doubling back to the bathroom and retrieving the towel that had been abandoned on the counter by the sink. He tried to offer it to him.
“Deku, you need to dry your hair at least. You’re gonna get sick.”
Nothing. Deku made no move to accept or even acknowledge the towel, instead continuing to just stare across the kitchen. Katsuki blew out a long suffering breath through his nose before moving to stand behind Deku and roughly massaging the towel through his still dripping hair.
“Seriously, what were you thinking, running off like that?” He mumbled, not really expecting an answer. He didn’t get one. “Everyone’s worried sick about you. You can’t just disappear like that. How do you think your mom is feeling right now?” Right, he needed to call Inko. Let her know her son was safe at home. He didn’t have her number, but surely if he called his mother she would relay the message. He wondered if he should try to leave the apartment before she got there.
Deku flinched suddenly as the towel swiped over a section on the side of his head. Katsuki nearly jumped as well, not expecting any reaction from Deku after having to coax him into the simplest actions for so long. He moved the towel away and, gently as he could, brought a hand to the side he’d just been rubbing. There, on the right side of his head, was a distinctly raised lump. Parting the hair, he could see the jagged remnants of an irritated red and white scar that wove its way around his head. He felt his stomach turn violently as he traced the scar with his fingers all the way to the middle of the back of his head. How had he never noticed it? Deku had nearly had a buzzcut when he came back to school. Katsuki grit his teeth. Of course he hadn’t seen it, he’d been too much of a coward to even look him in the eyes properly.
With careful fingertips he worked his way around from the back of his head, along the right side, feeling the entire scar. It was an ugly thing, even after healing, rough in some places and unnaturally smooth and rounded in others. If he moved the sparse fringe that had started growing across Deku’s forehead he could see how the scar peeked out of his hairline. He tried to ignore how Deku squirmed under his hand, the movement seeming to take all his energy. The scar felt warm… or maybe that was him. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire and, if his hands were any indication, his face was probably red. He knew damn well where this scar came from. He had spent hours upon hours searching for any detail regarding Deku’s near death experience. He’d seen the pictures, blurry and grainy photos taken hurriedly on bystanders’ cell phones, posted to message boards and forums before they’d been taken down by admins. The image of Deku’s broken body, his head deformed and caved in, drowning in a pool of his own blood had been seared into his brain. Of course there would be a scar. What other marks did Deku bear that he hadn’t told him about? How else was he still suffering physically? Healing quirks or no, humans didn’t just bounce back from that level of physical trauma without repercussions.
Come to think of it, Deku had complained about headaches and medication. He should have looked into that more. Asked more questions instead of allowing himself to be cowed by his own guilt. As usual, he hadn’t wanted to think about it. It was so much easier to force himself to move forward, to enable both his own and Deku’s avoidance tendencies. Who knew what kind of danger he could have been putting him in by just allowing himself to remain ignorant?
Any way you slice it, this is my fault. I did this. My responsibility.
“I really am a piece of shit.” He whispered hoarsely, so quiet he didn’t know if Deku even heard him.
He withdrew his hand with a petting motion, smoothing the green curls back over the hideous scar and left the towel laying across his head. Deku didn’t move except to finger the edge of the towel, his shoulders dropping back into a more relaxed position. Without a word Katsuki stomped out of the kitchen and into the hallway where he slumped against the wall. He had been stupid, so stupid to think that all of this could just go away. For fuck’s sake, it hadn’t even been half a year and Katsuki had been so ready to move on and just forget, to just delude himself into thinking that he could just fix everything without ever addressing the root of the problem: himself. And Deku had been suffering all these months because of it. He was still suffering, Katsuki hadn’t fixed shit.
His knees felt shaky all of a sudden and, without anyone there to witness his weakness, he let himself collapse, sliding against the wall to the ground. With shaking hands, he fished his phone out of his pocket. It was a miracle it still worked with how thoroughly soaked his clothes were. Deku’s was probably fucked. He selected his mother’s contact information and the phone barely rang once before she answered.
“Katsuki? Where are you? What were you thinking running off like that? Why didn’t you answer any of my calls? Your father is out looking for you! You can’t just disappear like that, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” She said, rapid fire. He expected his father to be out looking for him, but somehow the image of his mother waiting at home wringing her hands made him want to cry. Mitsuki had always been a woman of action, she knew what she wanted and how to get it. Had him running off really thrown her for that much of a loop? She may have been his mother his whole life but the whole scenario was so… well… maternal.
“Mom, uh...sorry I guess. I mean, not sorry, ‘cause I don’t regret it. But sorry I made you guys worry. Dammit, we’re getting off track. I called to tell you I found Deku.” There was silence on the other end of the line before he heard a relieved sob.
“Oh God, Katsuki, you found him. You’re both safe. Right? Please tell me you’re both safe!”
“What? Yeah! We’re fine. We’re safe. I brought him home. We’re both here. I mean, he probably has a cold from sitting out in the rain for so long but I think he’s alright. I don’t know, he won’t say anything but I got him to change clothes and he doesn’t seem like he’s hurt.” He said, rushing to reassure her.
“Oh. Oh God. Thank goodness. I'll just text your father and Inko. She’ll be on her way back soon.”
Katsuki froze at that, remembering how Deku’s normally saintly sweet mother had turned her wrath on him during their last encounter. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face her again.
“Katsuki?” He heard her distantly and he hadn’t realized he had dropped his phone. “Katsuki, do you want to leave? Izuku is safe now, it’s okay if you don’t want to stay. Or if you want, I can come over. Or your father if you prefer.”
God he wanted that, he wanted his parents to stand between him and all the ways he’d fucked up. It would be so easy to have them come over or to just leave and never come back but…
He peeked out of the hallway back into the kitchen. He hadn’t been quiet and Mitsuki had the same volume problem as him so her voice was probably perfectly audible even without his phone on speaker, but Deku hadn’t reacted at all. He was still sitting right where Katsuki had left him, fingers still curling and uncurling around the ends of the towel but not actually moving to use it in any productive way. He couldn’t see his face from his angle but Deku’s eyes were probably still glazed over, staring despondently across the kitchen and Katsuki didn’t know how he would react (or not react) to more people, or Katsuki suddenly leaving.
“Katsuki?” His mother asked again, obviously anxious from his silence.
“No.” He muttered and then coughed, dislodging whatever seemed to be blocking his voice. “No, I’m fine. I’m gonna… stay until she gets back. Then I’ll come home.”
“Are you sure?” No, of course he wasn’t sure, and she knew it but he felt like he had to do this and, if there was one consistent rule Katsuki Bakugou lived by, it was that he always trusted his gut instinct.
“Yeah.” It sounded like a lie, and not even a good one. “I’ll text you when I’m leaving. I gotta go now.” He hung up the phone abruptly, braced himself, and walked back out into the kitchen.
The whole house was still dark and Katsuki realized that, aside from the bathroom, he hadn’t turned on any lights. He flicked a switch on the wall and then swore loudly as he was momentarily blinded by the living room light. He rubbed away the reflexive tears from his eyes and blinked away the stars before crossing into the kitchen and repeating the process. It hurt less this time but he hadn’t thought to warn Deku. A part of him was relieved when Deku squinted and blinked at the sudden intrusion of light overhead. It was the most reaction he’d gotten out of him all night.
He didn’t bother talking and neither did Deku. Instead, he distracted himself by digging through the cabinets until he found one stocked with tea, nothing fancy, a tin of green tea and a couple flavors of store brand herbal tea. He swiped one off the shelf at random and then went back to rummaging for a kettle. A sound to his right startled him enough to flex his hand in preparation for a fight, but he restrained himself. It was Deku, standing on his toes and reaching to the top of the fridge where an electric kettle sat in plain view. Oh.
“Thanks.” he muttered, taking it from Deku’s hands. He didn’t receive a reply and Deku’s attention seemed to be fixated on the space between them on the ground. Deku lingered in the background while Katsuki busied himself filling up the kettle with tap water and then watching it intently until it started steaming and whistling. Then he had to repeat the whole process of rummaging through cabinets again until he found two mugs and really, why couldn't they just keep all their tea supplies in one convenient place? Finally, he had two cups of what he hoped was the right amount of loose tea leaves to water. Katsuki wasn’t much of a tea person, but they were both soaked and freezing so it seemed like the right call. He offered one of the mugs to Deku and waited until he was sure that it wouldn’t just slip and shatter on the ground before he let go.
They stood there for several moments, taking awkward sips of too hot tea before they both, without any need for discussion, headed to the living room and sat at either end of the coffee table.
Fucking deja vu hit him with all the gentleness of a cement truck. Hadn’t they already done this? Only this time there was no homework between them, no pretense of working. Just silence and empty space that neither of them knew how to fill. The silence was broken by the sound of panicked footsteps, so loud they were audible over the rain, followed by the doorknob rattling and Katsuki could have had years to prepare himself and he still wouldn’t be ready for the moment Inko Midoriya swung the door open. She nearly tripped over the raised step of the mudroom, shoes still on in her rush to the living room and threw her arms around her son.
“Izuku!” She said in a breathless, hushed voice that still carried all the weight of a shout. She was drenched and a part of Katsuki wanted to protest how she was holding Deku and getting him wet again but the bigger part warned him to keep his mouth shut. She held him, unbothered by how he barely reacted. He didn’t hug her back, but one hand fisted around the edge of her blouse, wringing water out of it through his grip.
Eventually she reluctantly pulled away, with a hand still holding his shoulder and the back of his head. “Izuku, where have you been? I couldn’t get hold of you and Dr. Abe said you never showed up for your appointment today. I thought… I thought. God, I don’t even know what I thought. I was so worried.”
Deku wouldn’t even look at her, just like he wouldn’t look at Katsuki. He seemed to take an eternity just to formulate a response. “I’m sorry.” he croaked. “Mom, Kacchan, I’m sorry. I was…” The words seemed to get tangled up on his tongue and he shook his head, refusing to say anything else. Inko looked so helpless as Deku withdrew further into himself and Katsuki thought he had never seen a more miserable sight. Inko stroked the back of her son’s head patiently, desperately hoping he would continue. That he would open up to her and that somehow miraculously she would be able to fix everything. But he stayed stoically silent, as if he had no energy left and merely talking would be more taxing than he could bear.
“It’s okay,” she said, even though she obviously didn’t believe it. “It’s okay now. You don’t have to say anything yet. You must be tired, do you want to rest?” She waited again and Izuku finally nodded so minutely that she probably would have missed it if her hand wasn’t currently resting on his head. “Okay. You should– I’m sorry, I got you all wet– you should go change. Do you need help getting to bed?”
Deku didn’t respond this time, just rose up on wobbly legs and started down the hall towards his room. Inko followed silently at his back, offering aid that was never accepted. Katsuki suddenly found himself alone. The table still had two mostly full cups of tea and there was a wet patch on the carpet where Inko had knelt next to her son and he cringed at the thought of how long it would take her to clean it up, along with the shoe prints and mud from earlier. Maybe he should offer to help? Or maybe he should scram before she came back and told him to do so herself. In the end, he did neither and stayed seated where he was alone with the ticking of a wall mounted clock and the continuous pattering rain for distraction.
Inko left Deku’s room only a couple minutes after they had entered, saying something that he couldn’t make out as she closed the door. She re-entered the living room and suddenly it was just the two of them and the distraction that Deku had created was gone. She stared at him from across the living room, her expression unreadable and shit, he really should have left when he had the chance because she was moving towards him and there were a thousand things he wanted to say, a thousand questions he wanted to ask, a thousand excuses he wanted to make but none of them would form on his tongue so he just sat in silence while she walked at a snail’s pace. She stopped abruptly when her knee bumped into the table, seemingly startled as if she hadn’t known where she was going and then her knees gave out and she collapsed opposite of him where Deku had previously sat, still soaked and dripping water onto the floor.
Shit.
Katsuki had never been good at dealing with awkward situations. Easier to just shout and blast past things, easier to speak bluntly and damn the consequences. Never before had he been at such a loss for words.
“Katsuki.” Inko said and even though it wasn’t surprising and she made several false starts first, he still found himself jumping slightly. Fortunately, Inko seemed to be caught just as much off guard by the noise as him and took a moment to compose herself. “Where did you find him?” Thank God, an easy question. He didn’t know if he could tackle anything else right now.
“He was at Endore Park. We um, before everything, we were training there so...I just thought that he might… and… he was. He was laying down on a bench but I don’t know why, he hasn’t said anything since I found him.”
She nodded, “He didn’t say anything to me either. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though, he and I haven’t been on the best terms recently.” That was more shocking than just about anything. Deku had always been something of a mama’s boy, the type that cried every day when his mother dropped him off at kindergarten. It was hard to imagine their family dynamic being anything less than the cookie cutter doting mother and dutiful son.
“To be honest,” she said. “He hasn’t been himself since last week after the... after what happened.”
“After I told you to never show your face around here again,” went unsaid.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “I know I have no right to say it but I’m sorry.”
“Katsuki.”
“And you have every right to kick me out–”
“Katsuki.”
“And tell me to not come back, but I swear I want to help him. I want to make things right between us. I know that’s selfish and I’m only doing this for my own satisfaction but–”
“Katsuki!”
He shut his mouth at her raised voice but, to his surprise, her tone didn’t sound angry. She didn’t look angry either. If anything, she just looked… tired. The same kind of tired as Deku. The same kind of tired he saw every time he looked in the mirror. She rubbed her eyes and he didn’t know if it was because they were dry or if she had started to tear up.
“Katsuki, stop.” She sighed. “I...I need to apologize to you.”
He wanted to object, and she must have known that because she immediately put a hand up to stop him from speaking up.
“No, I do. The things I did last week… or rather, the way I did them… I was out of line. Maybe I had every reason to doubt your intentions, but that doesn’t justify the way I acted. As an adult, even though I wanted you out of my home, I shouldn’t have put my hands on you. I’ve never agreed with that sort of behavior. More importantly, I should have given you both a chance to speak. Izuku especially. He obviously wanted you there and didn’t feel threatened, but I still acted out and, in my anger and fear, I wouldn’t even listen to my own son who I thought I was defending.”
She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt and readjusted her position and Katsuki took a sip of his now cold tea just to give him a reason not to talk.
“This whole week, I’ve had a lot of time to think about all the different ways I should have handled things. I’ve been so afraid, ever since Izuku left the hospital, of all the things that could happen to him and how I could protect him. But now I realize I still wasn’t taking his feelings into consideration. Maybe I’ve been too coddling, always monitoring where he goes and who he’s with. I think I convinced myself that, if he could just finish out this semester, If he could just get into high school and be surrounded by different people who don’t know him, everything would somehow get better. When he told me that he was still set on going to U.A. I was happy for him, but I was also terrified. I think a part of me still wants to forbid him from even applying to that school because I’m afraid of what will happen if he gets rejected. I’m afraid it could break him. And if he does get accepted, he’ll be in even more danger, even if he doesn’t go into the heroics course, the students of that school are always targets.”
She looked him in the face, “When I came home that day and saw you here, it scared me. I was so angry that you were anywhere near him after everything that had happened but I think I also saw it as an excuse. I told myself that if Izuku was naive enough to trust you, he obviously couldn’t be trusted to put himself at risk, applying for a place like U.A. I saw you, and I saw all my fears laid out in front of me. When I kicked you out, I told myself that that would be the end of it, but then Izuku kept defending you. He kept telling me about how you were helping him to train and getting him caught up in his studies so he could still graduate on time and take the entrance exam. He wanted me to trust him that he knew what he was doing, giving you a second chance, but I just couldn’t do it. Or rather, I wouldn’t do it. Because of that, I ended up hurting him. I don’t know what all happened today or in the last week to make him disappear like he did but I know that you respected my wishes to stay away from him even though it hurt you both and, in the end, you were the one who found him. What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry Katsuki. And thank you.”
He was stunned. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Was she really apologizing to him? After everything he had done?
“Stop. You were right to tell me off. I've done a lot of messed up shhhh- stuff. For the past ten years, I made his life hell. The things I’ve done should have me labeled as a villain and I have no excuses, there was no reason for it. And I know that nothing I do will ever make up for it. I can never take back all the things I’ve said and done and I have no right to ask this but,” He inhaled and blurted out the words before he could second guess himself. “Please let me do whatever I can to make it up to him. I swear, I’ll do everything I can to make sure he has a shot at U.A. I’ll stake my life on it if-”
Across from him, Inko’s hands smacked against the table. When he looked at her, her face showed nothing but alarm and concern. “That's enough, Katsuki. I believe you.” She took a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her. She looked at him for a long time with that tired look on her face before she finally spoke, “I'll be honest, entrusting you with my son's safety scares me. But I've let fear guide every choice I've made for the last three months and it's only made things worse. So from now on, I want you to show me through your actions that you've changed. I'm not expecting you to pander to him or put your life on hold but if you're determined to be Izuku’s friend, then you can't half ass this.”
Katsuki’s jaw dropped. He had never heard Inko curse. But then, he had never seen her angry before the previous week. He was having a lot of firsts with her lately and he wasn't sure whether to be horrified or amazed.
Inko smiled an amused half smile. “Yes Katsuki, I know about swear words. I'm an adult. Who do you think invented them?”
Katsuki snapped his jaw shut so fast he bit his tongue and he took Inko up on the free pass to growl a few choice words. Inko watched him patiently, waiting for him to speak. “I don't-" he cleared his throat. “I don't know if it's even possible for me to ever call myself his friend after everything that's happened. I don't know if I have that right but I'll do my best.
Inko smiled, familiar and maternal. She used to smile at him like that all the time before he'd gotten his quirk. At the time, it hadn't seemed like anything special. “That's all I ask.” She sniffed and wiped a bit of moisture from the corner of her eye. “Look at us. I think we’ve both had enough mellow drama for one night. I swear, if all three of us don’t end up with colds by tomorrow, it will be a miracle.” As if to punctuate her point, she sneezed and then chuckled again. “You should take a shower, I’ll find you some clothes to wear. I think Izuku has some clothes that will fit you.”
“I should go home. I can just change when I get there,” he tried to say but Inko was hearing none of it.
“Nonsense. You’ve been out at all hours of the night helping our family. You can stay here tonight. I’ll let your mother know. You go take a shower. And make sure you dry your hair.”
He spent another five minutes trying to argue that she should shower first since there was only one bathroom and it was her home, but she refused to listen and was already on the phone by the time he relented and entered the bathroom with an arms full with gray sweatpants, a green T-shirt with the words “Red Sweater” printed on the front, and (mortifyingly) a pair of All Might boxers.
By the time he got out of the shower, the night’s activities had started to catch up with him. He had a headache and his body was stiff all over. Damn it, Inko was probably right about them all catching colds. In the cabinet under the sink he found a hair dryer and mechanically waved it around while running his fingers through his hair until it was mostly dry. He exited the bathroom and found Inko laying dish towels on the ground where the biggest puddles of water had collected.
“I’ll take care of these in the morning. Tonight, I think we could all do with a good night’s sleep,” she explained before entering the still steamy bathroom. Katsuki thought about cleaning it up for her before dismissing the idea. He didn’t know where they kept their cleaning supplies and, now that the adrenaline had truly worn off, he realized how exhausted he was.
The couch in the living room had been outfitted with sheets, a quilt, and several pillows in preparation for him and his phone still sat on the coffee table, though the two cups of tea had been removed. He checked his notifications, clearing away the ones from his parents, initially asking if he was alright and if they needed to come get him and later ones telling him that they had heard from Inko. He texted them both a quick good night to let them know that he was fine. He could hear the sounds of the shower running in the otherwise quiet house. The rain must have stopped some time while he was showering and it left the house almost eerily quiet in the way that only homes where one is an infrequent guest can.
Katsuki glanced down the hallway where he could just vaguely see the outline of Deku’s door with its All Might themed name plate. Although he wanted nothing more than to flop back on the couch and sleep for the next three days, the paranoid part of his brain had him getting up and walking towards it. He stopped outside of the door, his rational and emotional brain at war with each other on why he should or shouldn’t go in. He didn’t want to wake Deku, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep until he just made sure that he was fine.
Quietly as he could, he cracked the door open, wincing every time it creaked and took a couple steps inside. He could hear more than he could see but Deku was definitely there, taking deep, slow breaths, punctuated by the occasional snore. He took just a couple more steps forward so he could see Deku’s sleeping face. He was on his stomach with the left side of his face pressed into the pillow and drooling just a bit. Cautiously, Katsuki reached out a hand to check his forehead and frowned at how warm it felt. He should have expected that with how long he had been out there but it still troubled him. There was probably no sense in waking him up so late when his body clearly needed sleep though, so he withdrew his hand. Fever aside, Deku seemed to be sleeping soundly and that was enough to partially put his mind at ease. Tomorrow, he would tackle the hurdle of talking things out. He’d find out what had sent Deku spiraling so badly and he’d arrange to keep training him.
Tonight, however, they all needed rest. He pulled back and began walking towards the door when something caught his attention. In the light from the hallway, on Deku’s desk, he could see the shiny vinyl of an old All Might figure. It was familiar and Katsuki thought that he might have the same one, a collectors toy that both boys had wanted as children. Unlike the one that sat on his bookshelf next to a row of textbooks, the one on the desk was broken, the head completely separated from the body and the shiny yellow strands of vinyl that formed the iconic hairdo bent. Without thinking, he swiped the pieces and took them with him to the living room.
…..
He woke to the sounds of Inko milling around the kitchen, warming up a simple breakfast of miso soup and rice and nursing a cup of black coffee that made her wrinkle her nose every time she took a drink. Her eyes were drooping and shadowed but she still smiled at him and offered him a cup which he took gratefully before sitting at the table. She joined him once the food was ready and they ate in relative silence, interrupted only by the occasional sniffle. Apparently Inko’s prediction about them all catching colds had come true because Katsuki felt like death warmed over. They finished their breakfast and sat quietly trying to absorb whatever energy they could from their coffee.
“So,” Inko broke the silence, her voice sounding a bit hoarse. “I assume you and Izuku intend to continue your training?”
Katsuki nodded, “If It’s alright with you. Although, he’s probably in worse shape than us so that might set us back a bit. I’ll need to rework our schedule.”
“That might be for the best anyway. I’m just taking a guess here but did Izuku fill you in on the extent of his injuries?”
That made him pause. Deku had once mentioned that he took medication for frequent migraines but aside from that, he had never shared anything pertaining to his health that could cause problems. Of course he hadn’t, probably hadn’t wanted to seem weak and risk Katsuki rescinding his offer to train him.
“Uh… he mentioned that he takes some kind of medicine I think?”
Inko sighed exhaustedly, “I swear, that boy. Right then, you should know that, for the most part, Izuku has healed very well. We were lucky to have amazing doctors and even that one pro hero that used to be on TV when I was young, the one with the healing quirk.”
Katsuki’s jaw dropped, “Recovery Girl?”
“That’s the one.” Inko confirmed as if it were no big deal that one of Japan’s most famous heroes of the previous generation, a hero who had helped pave the way for the common implementation of healing quirks in the medical field, had just happened to be at the hospital at just the right time to treat her son. “Anyway, although the doctors have been pleased over all with his recovery, there are a few things you should know that could impact his physical abilities. Have you seen that scar on his head? I’m sure you can imagine but Izuku suffered severe head trauma in the fall. While he was still in the hospital, he suffered a few seizures. We’ve been really lucky since he came home but the doctor’s said it’s something we need to keep an eye on. I’ve actually been checking in on him throughout the night since his fever could trigger one. Secondly, his left lung was punctured by a broken rib during the fall which puts him at increased risk of asthma and respiratory infections as well as pain and discomfort from where they had to remove part of the rib. I can help teach you how to administer his medicine and what to do in case of seizure but you need to be prepared and learn to recognize the symptoms. Izuku knows what to do for the most part and should be able to tell if he’s about to have some kind of attack in most cases but that’s not guaranteed. I tell you this because physical exertion can agitate these kinds of symptoms in some cases.”
Katsuki nodded. Damn, would have been nice to know all of this from the start. He refused to think about what could have happened if Deku had suddenly had a seizure without Katsuki knowing what was happening.
“Anything else I should know?” He asked, desperately hoping she would say no.
Inko shook her head, “Those are the big things to look out for. He gets migraines and other pains occasionally and he has medicine for those too. If he seems unwell at school, the best thing to do would be to take him to the nurse, she’s been updated on his condition.”
He could handle all of that. Maybe he could take a class on first aid in his spare time or volunteer in the nurse’s office. He’d be reworking their schedules anyway so he was sure he could find time and surely it would help him in the long run too. Come to think of it, it could even put in ahead of the curve for U.A. since they’d no doubt require all their students to be able to administer emergency medical aid in the field. In that case, he considered, perhaps he should have Deku join him. It was the kind of thing that could help them both to stand out in their applications.
His ponderings were cut short by the creak of a door opening at the end of the hallway and the heavy, uneven footsteps that only a person still half asleep could make. Deku entered the kitchen looking, for lack of a better word, like shit. His eyes were sunken and bleary and his cheeks and nose were bright red, contrasting against his washed out complexion. It took a few moments too long to scan the kitchen and dining table and register what he was seeing. He blinked slowly like a lazy cat, a bewildered look spreading across his face.
“Mom… and Kacchan?” He asked as if the idea of them sitting civilly across from each other was so impossible that he must have still been dreaming. His overloaded, underpowered brain must have said “fuck it” because in the next moment, he shrugged and moved to sit at the chair in between them. Inko jumped up from her seat immediately after her son sat down and returned with bowls of rice and soup and didn’t sit back down until Deku picked up his chopsticks and began idly playing with his food.
“Izuku?” She asked. “Are you feeling alright? Are you having trouble breathing or anything?”
Izuku blinked again, seeming to recognize that she was questioning him. “No.” He croaked and coughed, the sound of mucus dislodging from his throat causing them both to cringe. “No, I’m fine.” It wasn’t very convincing. If Katsuki and Inko looked like death warmed over, then Deku looked like a zombie fresh from the grave. It didn’t help that he responded to everything so sluggishly.
“Hey, nerd.” Katsuki grunted and immediately regretted his choice of words when Inko shot him a disapproving look. Deku took a bit longer to notice he was being addressed but eventually also looked at him. “No matter how much you mush your rice, it’s not gonna turn into mochi. So just eat it already.” Deku blinked at him yet again but this time, something in his eyes became a bit more alert as he finally noticed the mess he had made of his bowl and took a bite.
For Katsuki and Inko, it was torture. Deku calmly and slowly ate his meal. When he had finished, he took his dishes to the sink and began to wash them before his mother cut in.
“Izuku, you can do that later Sweetie. I think we all need to talk.”
His back to them, Izuku heaved an enormous, mucus filled sigh. He shut off the water and slumped back to his chair where he sat looking dejected.
“So…” He began in a hoarse voice. “I assume you want to know what happened yesterday…”