Archive of Our Own

The lawn was damp and Hyungwon felt the humidity through the thin layer of his shirt. He didn’t mind it though; because not only was the sun high and strong but the heat radiating from the boy in his arms warmed Hyungwon from the inside out.

Jooheon seemed apprehensive, looking over his shoulder at the smallest noise, but he didn’t pull away; he didn’t loosen his grip on Hyungwon’s shoulders. They were risking so much, being this close out in the open and without any shadows to hide them from prying eyes, but Hyungwon knew for a fact that no one walked this far into the field. It was too far away from the Chae property, the grass too high for the ladies’ dresses and too uninteresting for the gentlemen. 

Hyungwon understood the vulnerability Jooheon felt for being in such an open and well-lit place, but they were safe there. As safe as they would ever be.

All it took for Jooheon to give his full attention to Hyungwon was the touch of cold fingers on his cheeks. He looked down with a smile and the frown gave place to the dimples Hyungwon loved so much. He moved his hand down his neck, tracing the delicate chain that was visible there. He looked up in a silent request and a smile was all the permission he needed to pull the necklace out from where it was hidden underneath Jooheon's shirt. 

Hyungwon brushed his thumb over the small white stone of the pendant. It was round and smooth to the touch. He couldn't help but smile like a fool whenever he saw Jooheon wearing it.

The first time Hyungwon saw the necklace, he had been visiting a nearby city to attend a work meeting. As soon as he set his eyes on it, he knew it would look gorgeous on Jooheon, who tried to refuse the gift at first but eventually accepted it. Hyungwon would never forget the small smile Jooheon had on his face while he played with the pendant right after Hyungwon clasped it around his neck.

"It looks perfect on you. Like it was made just for you."

Hyungwon didn't have to look away from the pendant to know Jooheon was rolling his eyes.

"You said that before." Hyungwon hummed in agreement. "Many times."

"Well, I tell no lies, do I?" Hyungwon finally let go of the jewel and focused on Jooheon's face, moving his hand up to brush his hair off his forehead before gently dragging his nails on his scalp, earning himself the sight of Jooheon’s eyes falling closed as he sighed. It was rare to see him with unkempt hair because Jooheon always made sure to keep it slicked up and away from his eyes as it was expected of the servants. "My pretty boy."

“You’re insane, young master.” Jooheon’s voice was just above a whisper and Hyungwon smiled at the way he leaned into his touch. “Completely out of your mind.”

“Hyungwon,” he answered. “You can call me by my name, you know that.”

Jooheon’s smile grew even larger and Hyungwon didn’t resist the urge to kiss his dimple, beaming at the breathy giggle Jooheon let out.

“I can’t,” he said in between laughter. “I shouldn’t get used to it. I can’t afford to let anyone hear me being disrespectful to you.”

“Oh, but you can call me insane?” Hyungwon curled an arm around Jooheon’s waist and squeezed. “I see how it is.”

Jooheon’s bottom lip jutted out but the words of protest he had been about to say never left his mouth because Hyungwon finally let go of his hair to brush his thumb over his lips. Jooheon melted against him, the tension leaving his shoulders at the same time his mouth fell slack, gaze softening. 

When they kissed, Jooheon tasted of summer afternoons.

Hyungwon didn’t move after waking up. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, his mind fogged and still confused about what was reality and what belonged to the dream he just had.

He licked his lips and despite the strong taste of sleep, he could swear he was able to feel the remnants of the kiss from his dream. He was warm all over but his chest felt hollow. Hyungwon closed his eyes again and breathed in and out deeply, trying to wake up completely and break the spell he had fallen into.

He repeated to himself again and again how ridiculous it was to feel like that because of a silly dream but it was useless. Hyungwon always woke up shaken up and needing a few minutes to calm down after dreaming of that boy and, even though it was a recurring dream, he didn’t think he’d ever be used to it.

Hyungwon had been dreaming of that boy — Jooheon — ever since he was a teenager. His dream self seemed to get older as time went by, just like the real-life self, and whatever he dreamed of felt so real, Hyungwon always had trouble separating reality from fantasy after waking up. Sometimes, he took over half an hour to shake off the feelings, to convince his brain that those weren’t his actual feelings. 

However, he had been dreaming of Jooheon for almost ten years now and it was getting harder by the day to be unaffected. Hyungwon felt as if he knew him, like he was someone he met in his life and not just a product of his imagination. 

He had been worried about it sometime in the past, but his worry eventually became curiosity. Hyungwon didn’t think it was normal to dream of the same person time and time again and his dreams felt like watching a different lifetime happening in front of his eyes. He had been dreaming of that man for so long that Hyungwon believed there had to be something more to it besides his imagination.

He was curious about why it was happening, of course, but he couldn’t deny that deep inside Hyungwon wanted to know more about that man. Who was he? Why did he keep dreaming of him? Did he even exist in real life?

Hyungwon sighed and sat up, crawling back until his back touched the headboard. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and dialed his friend.

“Hyungwon, do you have any idea of what time is it? I have a shoot tomorrow morning and I went to sleep late as fuck.” was what greeted him as soon as Minhyuk picked up. Sleep was heavy on his voice and Hyungwon winced. He didn’t even think of checking the time. It was too early, apparently. He felt bad for waking Minhyuk up in the middle of the night — he was a model and sometimes his shootings were scheduled in the weirdest hours, not giving him all that much time to rest. “Why are you even awake? Did something happen?”

Hyungwon rubbed his eyes and made a face.

“I’m sorry, Min. I’m just…” he leaned his head back against the headboard and opened his eyes to the ceiling. “I dreamed of it again.”

This seemed to make Minhyuk more alert.

“Same dream?”

“Yes and no. Same boy but different things. It’s like…” Hyungwon took a couple of seconds to come up with the right words. “Like watching a story. Every time I dream is a new chapter.” Hyungwon grimaced. “This sounds so weird out loud.”

Minhyuk chuckled.

“It does but that’s just the writer in you speaking.” Hyungwon chuckled at that. It wasn’t entirely wrong. “But don’t worry, I believe in you.” Minhyuk paused and when he spoke again, he sounded more serious. “What happened?”

Hyungwon didn’t need Minhyuk to clarify what exactly he was talking about, he just sighed.

“Just… we were lying down in some kind of field? It was close to my house, I think. We were hiding because, you know.”

Minhyuk hummed.

“Yeah, you couldn’t tell anyone, right? ”

Hyungwon nodded before he remembered Minhyuk couldn’t see. 

“Yeah.”

“So dramatic.” Minhyuk singsonged and Hyungwon couldn’t help but chuckle.

“He calls me ‘young master’. I’m like, the son of his employers and I think he’s the house cleaner? Or something like that.” Hyungwon ran a hand through his hair. “I told you about that before.”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember. Like I said,” Hyungwon heard the sound of Minhyuk moving around on the other end and he assumed he was getting comfortable, already being aware that the call wouldn’t end so soon. Honestly, Hyungwon owed him a treat for being so patient. “So dramatic.”

“Anyway,” Hyungwon said in a louder voice, purposefully ignoring Minhyuk’s words, who just giggled. “We were just… kissing and stuff.”

“And stuff.” Minhyuk sounded amused. “So eloquent, Won.”

“Shut up.” despite the words that left his mouth, Hyungwon was smiling. “He looked worried, looking around and shit.” Hyungwon paused, thinking back to the scene of his dream, to the kisses they shared. He touched his lips with the fingertips of his free hand. He remembered the touch as if it was a memory. “It was still nice, though.”

Minhyuk was silent for a second too long but before Hyungwon could ask if there was something wrong, he asked:

“You aren’t about to tell me a wet dream, are you? Because I love you and all but I don’t think I wanna know that.”

“Oh my God, Minhyuk.” Hyungwon’s face burned and he hid his eyes with his palm despite being alone in his apartment. “Shut the fuck up!”

Minhyuk’s laugh was loud and a little obnoxious but Hyungwon found himself grinning along.

“Sorry, sorry!”

“We never… In my dreams, we never-” Hyungwon grimaced, not knowing why he even felt the need to say that. “We never had sex.”

Minhyuk cooed loudly and Hyungwon pulled the phone back with a wince.

“A puppy love! That’s adorable!”

“We barely get to kiss, to be honest, and when we do it’s always quick because we’re always afraid someone will see.” Hyungwon paused and Minhyuk probably sensed he wasn’t done because he didn’t let out a peep. “I’m going crazy, Min. I just… I need to know who he is.” Hyungwon licked his lips. “I know it’s ridiculous but I feel like I know him and it’s driving me insane.”

Suddenly, Hyungwon remembered the way Jooheon had called him just that in his dream. He couldn’t have held back the smile even if he tried.

“I’d say it’s ridiculous if I didn’t know you’ve been dreaming of him for years now.” Minhyuk hummed as he seemed to think and Hyungwon gave him time. “Now, I don’t know. This isn’t normal, Won.”

Hyungwon sighed.

“I know.” 

“Do you like him?”

Frowning, Hyungwon answered without stopping to think.

“Yeah? I’m sure I’m in love with him. I’m sure I told it to him before-”

“No, no.” Minhyuk cut him off. “Not dream you. I mean you, you.” Hyungwon sighed, exasperated, wishing Minhyuk made more sense than that. He probably heard him because Minhyuk took in a deep breath before trying again. “When you’re awake and think of him, do you like him? Like, do you have any feelings for this boy of your dreams?”

Hyungwon went silent for half a minute, knowing the answer to that but having trouble voicing it out.

“I… What if I said that I do?” He finally answered in a low tone. “It’s just so fucked up, Minhyuk. I don’t even know if he exists but I just….” Hyungwon gestured helplessly, well aware that Minhyuk wouldn’t see but not really caring. “Did you know that I can feel him?”

“What?”

Hyungwon nodded his head and closed his eyes, thinking back to how he felt earlier.

“Yeah, right after I wake up, I can always… I don’t know, feel him?” He chuckled humorlessly. “I know I sound crazy but you know the feeling after someone touches you? I feel like that whenever we do touch in my dreams. When I woke up today I swear I could taste his kiss in my mouth.”

“Hyungwon, that’s…”

Minhyuk, for the first time in a while, sounded worried and Hyungwon smiled.

“I know, I know it’s crazy. But I just feel it. I don’t know what to do, Min.”

Minhyuk sighed and there was no trace of amusement or mockery in his voice when he answered.

“I wish I could help you, Won.” He paused for a second. “But you know this can’t be healthy, right? You can’t just… You can’t just fall in love with a boy from your dreams.”

Hyungwon pulled his knees close to his chest and hugged them with his free arm.

“I know, Min. I wish I could control it.”

Hyungwon was so lost in his own thoughts, completely ignoring the food on the table and sipping his drink while barely registering the taste, that he didn’t see his friend walking in. He jumped and almost spilled his coffee all over himself when Minhyuk threw at least three heavy books on the table, rattling the plate with the untouched sandwich. Hyungwon looked up with wide eyes, hoping his expression was enough to make Minhyuk feel at least a bit ashamed for the way he arrived.

But he didn’t, of course. Minhyuk just smiled and sat down in front of Hyungwon, pulling the nearest book closer to himself.

“So, I couldn't stop thinking about your weird-ass dreams and I found these babies for sale. It was destiny , I swear!”

Hyungwon glared at one of the book’s covers, The Meaning of Dreams was written in cursive letters and glaring right back at him. 

“How much did you even spend on these?”

Minhyuk wavered Hyungwon’s question away as if it was an annoying fly.

“Irrelevant,” he said. “Focus on what’s important, Hyungwon.” His eyes lowered to the sandwich. “Will you eat that?”

Hyungwon sighed and pushed the plate closer to Minhyuk, who gave him a blinding smile before grabbing the sandwich and taking a huge bite. 

Minhyuk had sent him a text asking Hyungwon to meet him at the cafe after work and by the way he didn’t even ask if Hyungwon could — or even if he wanted to — meet up, he knew he had no choice but to agree and show up on time. 

“So,” Minhyuk started after swallowing. He reached out for Hyungwon’s drink and wiggled his fingers. Hyungwon sighed and gave it to him. “I was taking a look at these and I saw something interesting. Those two are more, uh.” He looked for the right word. “Scientific and basically say you just dream of random images, the story is something you come up with so the randomness will make sense.” Minhyuk shrugged. “I don’t think they help us a lot but I brought them, just in case you’d want to check it out.” 

Hyungwon just stared with an arched eyebrow.

“You just told me they don’t help, why would I want to read them? I have a book of my own to write, Min. I can’t really waste my time.”

“Anyway.” Minhyuk completely ignored him. “This one right here,” he said, jabbing his finger on the book open in front of him. Hyungwon watched the cup of coffee warily, it was too close to the book and he knew Minhyuk enough to be worried. “Is a bit more interesting.” Minhyuk paused to clear his throat. He leaned over the table and closer to Hyungwon, widening his eyes dramatically. “What do you think of reincarnation?”

Hyungwon didn’t show any reaction for a couple of seconds, just staring at Minhyuk for one second too long. He eventually sighed and pulled the book closer to himself.

“I wanna say it’s bullshit but I’ve been dreaming of this same boy for ten years so really, what do I know?”

Hyungwon flipped through the pages as he only half-listened to what Minhyuk was saying. That was the reason he jolted when a hand suddenly entered his field of vision, quickly flipping to a point in the middle of the book. Hyungwon looked up with what he had been told looked like dead eyes but Minhyuk didn’t pay him any mind, just kept talking.

“...somewhere around here. It talked about dreaming of your past life and I don’t know, I thought that maybe it could ring a bell to you.” He finally stopped and shoved his finger in the middle of the page. “Here! Take a look at this.”

“Lemme see.”

Hyungwon half-heartedly slapped Minhyuk’s hand away and focused on the text. It wasn’t long, only a full page, and it didn’t seem to say much more other than what Minhyuk had already told him. When Minhyuk started to summarize the text even more, Hyungwon wondered how many times he read it to have it memorized. 

“So, apparently, if your connection is strong you can catch glimpses of your past life when you’re asleep. Something like unfinished business, I think.”

Hyungwon stopped reading the text when he confirmed that yes, Minhyuk had very much memorized it. He closed the book and crossed his arms over it before giving his full attention to his friend.

“What kind of unfinished business?” Hyungwon frowned as he tried to remember what he already knew from his dreams. “I mean, it’s weird and all but it’s not bad. It’s just about me living some time in the past and my relationship with this boy.”

“Jooheon.”

Hyungwon nodded.

“Yeah, Jooheon.” He sighed. “I never dream of anything that isn’t him. I don’t even remember but I wouldn’t be surprised if the first dream was of me meeting him for the first time.” He lifted a hand to brush his hair back and scratch the back of his head. “I don’t know much else? Like, they’re nice dreams, of us spending time together and sometimes kissing. It’s-” The concern Hyungwon saw in Minhyuk’s face when he raised his eyes made his voice falter. “It’s nice.”

He finished it in a lower tone and Minhyuk gave him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“But that would make sense, right?” Minhyuk asked with a brighter tone. Hyungwon didn’t know who he was trying to convince, maybe himself. “You only dream of him because he’s your soulmate. Whatever unfinished business you have, it has to do with him.” Minhyuk crossed his arms over his chest, obviously satisfied with his own logic. “So you don’t need to dream of anyone else.”

Hyungwon nodded his head, not being able to deny that there was, indeed, some sense in what Minhyuk was saying.

“Okay, but what kind of unfinished business? I told you, everything’s just nice. Like,” Hyungwon cleared his throat and prepared himself to overshare part of his dreams. “the last dream was just. God, Min, it was so nice.” Hyungwon closed his eyes as he recalled the sensations of the boy’s body against his. It still felt so real, even though he had been awake for hours. “We were in this field at the back of my family’s house. Maybe one kilometer or a bit farther? I don’t really know.”

Minhyuk moved a hand in front of his face as if he was trying to get rid of a mosquito.

“Yeah, go on.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes but did as he was told.

“I told you that he was worried about something, right?” Minhyuk nodded. “He was afraid we’d be caught. I don’t know much of what happens in that…” Hyungwon looked for the right words but eventually gave up and just kept going. “that world, that time, whatever. But I know that my parents wouldn’t like it because it’s obvious we’re hiding from them. I don’t know, maybe because he’s a footman and I'm the heir?"

Minhyuk leaned over the table, eyes glued to Hyungwon’s face with obvious interest.

“Oh, I love forbidden love.”

Hyungwon decided to ignore him.

“Anyway, we were lying down in this clearing like we’re in some sort of cliche romcom movie.” Hyungwon didn’t hold back the sigh, knowing that Minhyuk would be the last one to judge him, being the romantic he was. “He was lying on top of me and we were just kissing and laughing together. It was just that,” Hyungwon shrugged. “a good dream.”

“How is it?”

Hyungwon frowned.

“What?”

“Your dreams,” Minhyuk explained, shifting on his chair. The softness that had been present in his eyes when he was listening to Hyungwon had faded a bit and Hyungwon knew he was being serious. “Do they feel like a regular dream? You still dream over stuff, right?”

“Yeah, I only dream of him a couple of times a month.” Hyungwon stopped and thought a bit before continuing. He knew how it was but he wanted to be sure before voicing it out to Minhyuk because he knew he’d be worried. “It’s not the same, Min.” He shook his head. “It’s so much more real than any other dream I’ve had, it’s like…” Hyungwon licked his lips and leaned back against the chair, raising his arms to link his fingers behind his head. “If we’re touching when the dream ends I can, uh… I can still feel it.”

Minhyuk frowned, the wrinkle between his eyebrows looking almost wrong on his face. Hyungwon held back the urge to press his finger into it until it was gone.

“You told me that. It’s insane, Won.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hyungwon looked at the book. “Do you think that’s what this is? Am I dreaming of my soulmate?”

Minhyuk shrugged one shoulder.

“Maybe? I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“It does. But, Min…” Hyungwon chewed on his lower lip, not liking the thoughts that were crossing his mind. “If this is true and I’m dreaming of my past life, what about him? What about Jooheon?” Hyungwon chuckled without humor. “Is that even his name? Does he even exist right now?”

Minhyuk must have already thought about that because he answered, even though Hyungwon didn’t expect him to.

“I think it’s his name in this lifetime. They still call you Hyungwon in your dreams, right?”

Hyungwon blinked.

“They do. Oh my God, so is that really his name? Is he really called Jooheon? Was he even born in the same lifetime as me? I’m just…” Hyungwon let his hands fall to his laps and he felt his shoulders sagging. “I really wanna find him, Min. But what if he doesn’t even exist?”

“He does.” Minhyuk’s voice carried such certainty that made Hyungwon look up at him with wide eyes. “He must be alive right now. Because if he wasn’t, why would you still be dreaming?”

“Do you think so?”

Hyungwon’s voice was lower and sounded fragile even to his own ears. Minhyuk nodded his head quickly.

“Yeah. If you’re dreaming of this now, it must mean that you have something to solve, a problem or a promise to keep. There must be something . And for you to do whatever you have to, he needs to be here too.” Minhyuk leaned over the tabletop and closer to Hyungwon. “Do you get what I’m saying?”

Hyungwon nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I think so?” Hyungwon rested his elbows on the table and linked his fingers together. “Do you really think so?”

Minhyuk watched Hyungwon’s face in silence for half a minute before he sighed and reached out to cover Hyungwon’s hands with his own.

“You really want to find him, don’t you?” Hyungwon only nodded, not a single trace of sarcasm or amusement on his face. Minhyuk closed his eyes. “Damn, Won. I don’t want you to get hurt and this is just…” He chuckled before opening his eyes again. “But you’re already hurting, aren’t you?” Hyungwon didn’t respond and Minhyuk didn’t force him to, already aware of the answer. “If this Jooheon is real, we’ll find him. Okay?”

Hyungwon turned one of his hands palm up to hold onto Minhyuk’s, squeezing it.

“Okay.”

As soon as he pulled Jooheon inside, Hyungwon closed the library's door behind them and didn't bother to turn the lights on. He hid his face on the curve of Jooheon’s neck, who didn’t waste any time to embrace his middle, hugging him close.

“Hyungwon?”

“Just…” Hyungwon sighed and pressed his face even closer to Jooheon’s skin, making his voice sound muffled. “Just give me a little time, alright?” he raised his hands and rested them on Jooheon’s arms, squeezing them gently. “Just a couple of seconds.”

Jooheon didn’t say anything but the way his grip around him tightened was enough of an answer. Hyungwon closed his eyes as he remembered the talk he had with his father; it had been replaying in his mind over and over ever since he left his office, not giving him a second of peace. 

He breathed in Jooheon’s scent, hoping it would help him calm down. He sighed when Jooheon’s hands started moving up and down his back, caressing him slowly in a way he knew soothed Hyungwon. It worked to some extent as he did feel his body relax, but the storm inside his head didn’t let off. 

When Hyungwon spoke, he did it against Jooheon’s skin, not wanting to raise his head just yet.

“Father requested my presence in his office earlier.”

Hyungwon didn’t continue and Jooheon hummed.

“Is that why you’re like that?” his voice was so low, the only reason Hyungwon even heard him was because of how quiet it was inside the library. 

Hyungwon nodded but didn’t say anything. Jooheon didn’t rush him, just leaned back against the wooden door and pulled Hyungwon with him, who sighed and let his weight rest a bit heavier onto Jooheon.

“I thought there was a problem with the company, that I had messed something up.” Hyungwon almost chuckled at that, wishing that had been the case. 

“Was that what happened? Did the Master yell at you?”

Hyungwon shook his head, the movement making the tip of his nose rub on Jooheon’s warm skin.

“No,” he whispered. “I’m-” Hyungwon closed his eyes and moved his hands up to Jooheon’s shoulders, squeezing them. “Father called me to say he found me a fiancee.”

Jooheon’s body tensed and his grip on Hyungwon’s middle tightened before he slowly relaxed. He remained quiet and Hyungwon knew he was most likely forcing himself to calm down. He waited for Jooheon to say something and each second that stretched the silence added a new weight in Hyungwon’s chest, making his heart hurt.

When Jooheon finally spoke again, it wasn’t any of the options Hyungwon expected to hear.

“We knew this day would come, didn’t we?”

Hyungwon frowned. Yes, they knew. They never talked about it but they knew Hyungwon would eventually get married. As the Chae’s only son, it was his duty to produce an heir. It was an obvious fact and they were both aware that day would come.

Hyungwon just wished it had taken a little longer. He wasn’t ready to let go of Jooheon, Hyungwon didn’t know if he would ever be.

“Are you aware of the extent of my feelings for you, Jooheon?” Jooheon froze once again and Hyungwon didn’t wait for him to calm himself down this time. He pulled away just enough to look into Jooheon’s eyes. “Are you?”

Jooheon let out a breathy sigh and nodded his head.

“Yes, I am.”

Hyungwon let go of Jooheon’s shoulders to hold his face in between his hands. His eyes had already started to adjust to the lack of light and with how close they were, Hyungwon had no problem seeing his expression. He knew Jooheon was able to see him too.

“I’m in love with you, Heonie.” Hyungwon watched as Jooheon’s eyes softened and his mouth, that had been pressed in a firm line until then, slacked. “You said you know that, so just…” he trailed off, eyes running all over Jooheon’s face. “Please, don’t forget it.”

Jooheon’s bottom lip trembled but his eyes were dry. He took in a deep breath and finally let go of Hyungwon’s waist to push his hands away from his face. Hyungwon’s heart tightened painfully but before he could voice his worry, Jooheon cupped his face instead, gently pulling him closer until their foreheads were pressed together. 

“I won’t,” he said, his breath hitting Hyungwon’s lips. “You as well, please don’t forget that I love you.”

“Never,” Hyungwon said as he closed his eyes. “I’ll never forget.” Hyungwon tilted his head and kissed Jooheon, pulling back before he could fully reciprocate and laughed against his mouth. “For everything that is holy, I’ll remember it forever.”

Jooheon smiled and Hyungwon couldn’t help but lean down to kiss his right dimple, which only made Jooheon chuckle.

At that moment, Hyungwon was sure that he would never be able to give up on what they had for as long as Jooheon loved him back.

Hyungwon rubbed his eyes with the pad of his fingers as he let out a long sigh. He slowly blinked his eyes open and stared at his own reflection in the mirror, the bathroom lights giving his skin a sickly color.

Two weeks had passed since Minhyuk had thrown those books in front of him, talking about soulmates and reincarnation. The turmoil inside Hyungwon’s head — and in his heart — let off a little now that he had at least one explanation for his dreams, no matter how silly it might seem to anyone else.

He might have denied it to himself for years, brushing the repetitive dreams off and telling himself it was nothing much, but he had always known Jooheon was important and it felt right to think of him as his soulmate. It fit Jooheon and explained why the feelings Hyungwon had in the dreams were slipping into his real life. It made sense that he fell in love with his soulmate, no matter in which realm Hyungwon met him.

But that relief was slowly starting to fade the longer Hyungwon thought back to the dream he had just had.

It was different. Even though their situation in his dreams obviously had never been the best — Minhyuk hadn't been completely wrong when he gushed about forbidden love — it was the first time Hyungwon's dreams were anything less than happy.

Hyungwon walked into his bedroom and grabbed his phone from the bedside table, opening the search bar and, not for the first time, typing down Jooheon .

It was the only information he had, based on the fact that his own name remained the same in the dreams, and once again the results showed him it wasn't enough. The amount of random information that appeared was overwhelming and Hyungwon only managed to scroll down for a couple of minutes before giving up and throwing the phone to the side, not carrying if it landed on the mattress or if it fell to the floor.

Hyungwon had basically nothing. A name wasn't enough to find the person he was looking for. And even if he did, what should he do? 

Hey, we don't know each other but I've been dreaming about you for years and I wanted to know if you dreamed of me too?

Hyungwon winced just thinking about it.

It was the middle of the night, the sun wouldn’t be up for a couple more hours, and Hyungwon had a meeting with his editor the next morning. He had sent the manuscript of his new book to Kihyun a little over a week ago and he most likely wanted to talk in person about his impressions. 

The manuscript would be sent back to Hyungwon filled with Kihyun’s notes but he didn’t mind the occasional meetings. He had been working with Kihyun ever since his first book and the meetings were proven to be efficient to make some of Kihyun’s points clear, not to mention it was always an enjoyable time. Hyungwon didn’t have a lot of people to talk to about his work in progress, so he looked forward to his time with Kihyun.

Hyungwon lay on his side and hugged the pillow to his chest, getting comfortable before closing his eyes. Kihyun liked to meet during the early mornings and Hyungwon seriously needed to go back to sleep if he wanted to be a functional human being the next day, so he tried to push all thoughts of his dreams and of Jooheon to the back of his mind, telling himself he would worry about it sometime in the next day as he tried to clear his mind of all worries.

He failed miserably, of course.

Hyungwon jolted awake with the feeling of something vibrating against his thigh. He didn’t react at first, only blinked his eyes as he tried to break out of the sleepy haze he was stuck in. He looked around and finally remembered he was on the bus and not in his home, hunched over his desk. He rubbed his eyes with the pad of his fingers before finally pulling his phone and looking at it, frowning at Kihyun’s name displayed there.

He glanced at the clock and winced because of how late he was. Hyungwon picked the call as he looked out of the window. He was half an hour late for his meeting with Kihyun, which meant the bus drove past his stop almost an hour ago.

“Hyungwon?” Kihyun’s voice rang loud in his ear before Hyungwon could even open his mouth to say something. “Where are you?”

“I’m sorry.” Hyungwon frowned at the buildings and establishments he didn’t recognize. Where was he? “I was on my way but I think I fell asleep.” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to be this honest with his editor but Hyungwon was still looking outside, too distracted to even think about a better excuse. “I’m still on the bus but, really, I have no idea of where I am.”

He heard the sound of Kihyun’s sigh and ran a hand through his hair, feeling a bit ashamed for accidentally standing him up.

“Can you still get here?”

“I mean, yeah.” Hyungwon finally decided it would be better to get off the bus instead of just letting it take him to wherever it was going, so he stood up and walked to the door, the phone still against his ear. “I’m getting off the bus now, but I don’t know when I’ll arrive at the cafe.” Hyungwon let out a sigh of his own. “I’m really sorry, Kihyun. Really.”

“Well, there’s nothing you can do right now. Can we meet tomorrow? I can’t wait for much longer, I have somewhere else to be.”

“Sure!” Hyungwon finally walked out of the bus and watched as it drove off. “Same time and place?” Kihyun hummed in agreement and Hyungwon closed his eyes in relief. God bless Kihyun and his soft heart. “I’m really sorry, really.”

“I know you are.” Hyungwon could hear the rustling noise of Kihyun moving around, probably leaving the table where he was sitting at. He would have to buy Kihyun’s coffee the next day, to make up for it. “Just be on time tomorrow, yeah? I don’t have too much free time to waste, Hyungwon.”

“I know, I know. I’m really sorry. I promise I’ll be there tomorrow, fifteen minutes early!”

Kihyun huffed out a laughter and Hyungwon’s shoulders relaxed. He probably wouldn’t have been let off the hook so easily if Kihyun hadn’t become his friend during the years they worked together.

“We’ll see.” he paused. “But Hyungwon, try to sleep tonight, yeah?”

Hyungwon grimaced.

“I will.”

With a final goodbye, Kihyun hung up and Hyungwon slid his phone back into his jeans’ back pocket. He looked around and sighed. 

Now, how was he going to get home?

He didn’t recognize the place but Hyungwon wasn’t worried, not when he had his phone fully charged and could just call a cab. But the weather was nice and while Hyungwon barely had any free time lately — with his new book so close to being finished — he now had at least two hours with nothing to do. He could just head back home and work those extra hours on his book but something stopped him as soon as he started to truly consider it. Hyungwon wasn’t sure if he should call it instinct, not when he never really believed in such a thing.

The fact was: for some reason or another, Hyungwon didn’t want to leave. Coming to the conclusion that there was no harm in just taking a stroll through the neighborhood, he slid his hands in his pockets and started walking, ignoring the small voice in the back of his mind saying that this wasn’t really his kind of thing. 

The street might not be one Hyungwon knew, but it wasn’t any different from the ones he walked on daily. There were a few shops, he was sure he walked past one or two diners, and a bookstore where Hyungwon stopped in front of for a couple of seconds, smiling to himself when his eyes fell on the cover of his last released book. 

He couldn’t wait to finally finish writing the book, even though he knew he wouldn’t know what to do with himself during at least a whole week after he sent the very last version to Kihyun. He was always whining about how he wanted more free time and to be done with the book but he always got bored way too soon. The same thing happened after his first book was published, he enjoyed the free time — and the unexpected popularity the book got — but it didn't take two full months before he started drafting a new story.

Hyungwon had a smile on his face when he finally walked past the bookstore, glancing around himself distractedly. He was wondering if it was time for him to head back when a sparkle caught his attention. He looked in its direction, the window of yet another shop, and completely stopped walking, eyes wide.

Proudly displayed behind the glass was a necklace. Hyungwon would have thought nothing of it if he hadn’t seen that jewel before. The oval shape of the white stone, it was the necklace Jooheon always wore in his dreams, the one that had been gifted to him by Hyungwon himself.

It was the first time Hyungwon saw something from his dreams while being wide awake. He had come to terms with the fact that the dreams were more than just that; that they were most likely images of a past life. But to see something that he believed only existed in those dreams — in those memories — take physical form right in front of him? Hyungwon didn’t think he would ever be prepared for that.

With his heart beating fast in his chest, Hyungwon looked past the necklace and inside the shop. Something clicked in his mind when it dawned on him that it was an antique shop and he felt his shoulders relaxing. If this was the same necklace he had given Jooheon all those years ago in their past reincarnation, it made sense that it was displayed behind the window of such a shop. The little bit of logic in such a messy situation put Hyungwon’s mind at ease.

He turned his attention back to the necklace and the more he looked, the more wrong the idea of just leaving it there felt like. Hyungwon bit his lower lip, clenching and unclenching his fists, glancing at the price tag attached to it. It was expensive but nothing Hyungwon couldn’t afford. 

Internally cursing at himself, Hyungwon finally entered the shop, smiling a little awkwardly when the woman behind the cash register raised her head.

“Good evening, I’d like to buy the necklace at the display window.”

The smile that opened in the woman’s face was almost blinding and Hyungwon guessed that it wasn’t every day that someone slipped into the shop and immediately decided to spend so much in a single purchase.

“A great choice!” The woman grabbed a keychain from somewhere behind the counter and walked to the front. “It’s an old but beautiful pearl necklace, very classic.” A real Pearl. It’s no wonder it was so expensive. The Hyungwon from the past really had no qualms on pampering the man he loved. “It’s still in a perfect state despite how old it is,” she sent Hyungwon a smile over her shoulder before getting the necklace and turning to him with eyes still on the jewel, a soft smile on her lips. “as if it didn’t age at all, frozen in time.”

Hyungwon gulped and he could only nod, his mouth going dry at her words. He accepted when the woman asked him if he wanted to take a closer look, holding the necklace with careful hands as he lifted it until the stone was right in front of his eyes. The pearl — as white as he remembered from his dreams — didn’t look one day older, much less decades old, or God knows how many years had passed since he gifted it to Jooheon.

He was sure of it, too. This was the same jewel he had given Jooheon so many years before. It would probably sound stupid if he said so out loud, but it felt the same. And now Hyungwon understood why it felt so wrong to see the necklace displayed at the window of a shop.

This necklace was meant to be around Jooheon’s neck, nowhere else. It was Jooheon’s, it had belonged to him in the past and it would always be his for all the years to come.

Hyungwon smiled and followed the woman to the cash register. Sure, he was about to spend an amount he normally would never, not for an old jewel, but he felt lighter. It was nice to have physical proof that Jooheon existed.

Because if Hyungwon found the necklace, he could find Jooheon as well.

“So you’re telling me that this is the same necklace you gave to him in your dreams?” Hyungwon just nodded his head, knowing Minhyuk wasn’t really expecting his answer. “Are you sure it doesn’t just look like it?”

“No, it’s the same.” Hyungwon watched as Minhyuk turned the pendant around, bringing the pearl close to his face and going cross-eyed. “Same shape, same stone. And it’s apparently old as fuck, so.” Hyungwon shrugged. “My life is already a remake of Somewhere in Time at this point; this doesn’t surprise me.”

Minhyuk glanced at him just long enough to arch an eyebrow.

“You know I don’t get your ancient book references, Won.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes.

“It has a movie too, you uncultured dog.” 

Hyungwon grabbed the necklace from Minhyuk’s hands and locked it around his own neck, hiding it under his shirt. Minhyuk crossed his legs and reclined against Hyungwon’s couch, watching him in silence for a couple of seconds.

“Are you sure you just didn’t want this for yourself?” There was a hint of teasing on his voice but Hyungwon recognized the serious question there. “You know there’s nothing wrong in treating yourself, right? You’re rich, Won. You can give yourself a pearl without feeling guilty.”

Hyungwon sighed and sat down beside Minhyuk.

“I know, that’s not it.” He gestured a finger around his own living room. There was a bookcase covering the entire wall behind the couch that hadn’t been exactly cheap and his television was something that had made Hyungwon wince when he first saw the price. “I don’t really have a problem treating myself, you know that.”

Minhyuk didn’t say anything for a while but Hyungwon knew he let go of it the moment he sighed.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Minhyuk’s eyes fell on Hyungwon’s chest, where the pendant was hidden by the cloth. “So you’re really sure, uh? This is the same necklace?”

Hyungwon nodded and bit his lip before deciding to be honest with Minhyuk. He slid to the cushion right next to him, who automatically leaned closer.

“Look, this will sound crazy…”

“Trust me. Nothing about this whole story is exactly normal, Won.” Minhyuk said with a smile.

Hyungwon snorted and nodded his head.

“I know. But yeah, uh.” Hyungwon stopped and pressed his lips together before finally saying it. “I felt it, Min.”

Minhyuk looked confused by that and, really, Hyungwon couldn’t blame him.

“What do you mean?”

Hyungwon made a vague gesture with both of his hands, trying to find the right words to explain his feelings to Minhyuk.

“I just… felt it. Like,” Hyungwon licked his lips. “The whole thing was very weird? I got lost in a part of the city that I didn’t know and instead of taking a cab back home I just… roamed around?”

Minhyuk scrunched his nose.

“Not gonna lie, this isn’t really you behavior.”

Hyungwon decided to ignore his input.

“I felt like I should take a walk. As if it was the right thing to do. Nevermind that I never did that before, something was telling me I should take a walk, so I just did. And then…” Hyungwon shook his head. “When I saw the necklace… Min, I never felt anything like that. As soon as I saw it, I guessed it was the same. But when I touched it...” Hyungwon raised his eyes to Minhyuk’s, who was listening to him with attention. “When I touched it, I was sure it was the same. I can’t explain, Minhyuk. I felt all warm as if I’d turn around and Jooheon would be right there.” Minhyuk shivered visibly at that and Hyungwon frowned. “What?”

“That sounds like you’re talking about a ghost.”

Hyungwon stared at Minhyuk without reaction for half a minute before pushing his shoulder with enough strength to make Minhyuk yelp and lose his balance, having to uncross his leg to keep himself on the couch.

“He’s not a ghost!”

“I’m sorry!”

“He’s alive, Minhyuk!”

“I know!” Minhyuk rubbed his sore shoulder with a pout. “I didn’t mean it like that. It was just a comment, I’m sorry. Please don’t damage my source of money!”

Hyungwon rubbed the pad of his thumb and index fingers on his eyes before sliding the same hand up to brush his hair out of his face. He looked at Minhyuk, and how pitiful he was acting, and his heart tightened a little.

“I’m sorry, Min. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Minhyuk stopped his act and blinked at Hyungwon, obviously not having expected that reaction.

“Hey!” He almost yelled, smiling big and letting go of his shoulder. “I’m kidding! You didn’t hurt me! You’re too weak for that.” Hyungwon only breathed out a laugh and shook his head. Minhyuk quieted down and Hyungwon could swear something in his eyes softened. “You’re really sure of this, aren’t you?”

“Of what, exactly?” Hyungwon smiled a bit sadly. “That it’s the same necklace? That Jooheon’s alive? That I love him?” He shrugged one shoulder, looking down at his own lap. “The answer’s yes.”

“To which question?”

“All of them.”

Minhyuk nodded his head and gave him a small smile.

“Do you think you’ll find him? Jooheon?”

Hyungwon thought about it for a couple of seconds. If Minhyuk had asked him that same question only a couple of hours before, he wouldn’t be sure of his answer. Hell, he’d probably say no. But now, after finding the necklace and knowing he found it for a reason? That he had to give it back to its real owner?

“Yeah,” Hyungwon said slowly. “yeah, I’m sure I’ll find him.”

The meeting with his father had finally ended after two long, excruciating hours. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, just another regular business meeting that left Hyungwon with a migraine that won't go away for the rest of the night. Everyone else had already left the room and Hyungwon was about to do the same, having already said his goodbye to his father, but was stopped before he could reach the door handle.

“Son.” Hyungwon turned around and waited, aware that he wouldn’t like whatever left Chae Byungho’s mouth, who must have seen the exhaustion on Hyungwon’s eyes because he smiled. And it was almost incredible how it looked like mockery rather than affection. “I won’t keep you for long, don’t worry.”

Hyungwon nodded and sat on the chair across his father’s seat, on the other side of his desk. 

“Yes, father?”

“I took the liberty to book your wedding day, as you keep forgetting to do so.”

The glare sent Hyungwon’s way told him that his father knew very well that it wasn’t a case of bad memory that was preventing Hyungwon from booking the date. 

Sighing as discreetly as he could, Hyungwon nodded his head. He knew there was no escape and that it would happen sooner or later. Now he had what? One or two months before he had to marry?

“Thank you. When is the wedding?”

Byungho’s lips slowly curled upwards in a smile that sent a shiver down Hyungwon’s spine and he just knew he wouldn’t like the answer. His father’s smile spelled bad omens.

“This Saturday.”

Hyungwon could swear his heart stopped beating for at least two full seconds. He didn’t move, didn’t even blink, just stared at his father with wide eyes as he tried to wrap his mind around what he had just been told. 

Almost as if time slowed down, Hyungwon couldn’t understand what his father was saying. His mouth was moving but the sounds were muffled, the words were being spoken way too slowly. Hyungwon was lightheaded and he was sure he’d have fallen to the ground already if he wasn’t sitting down. 

The moment Hyungwon finally became aware of his surroundings again was the exact moment he noticed how quickly his heart was beating. He knew, logically, that there wasn’t anything wrong with him, he was completely healthy, but it hurt ; his chest hurt as if there was a steal hand squeezing his heart tightly. 

That hand looked too much like his father’s.

“Saturday…” Hyungwon’s voice was low but it was all it took for Byungho to stop talking. He arched an eyebrow without taking his eyes off of Hyungwon, waiting for him to finish. “That’s in, that’s in four days.”

“Yes.” Byungho nodded his head with a smile. “We lost enough time already, there is no need to wait even more.”

Hyungwon shook his head, leaning closer to the desk — closer to his father. 

“It’s too soon.”

There was a plea in his voice but Byungho either didn’t notice it or decided to completely ignore it. Hyungwon didn’t know which option was worse.

“I have everything organized already, son.” Hyungwon could hear the pride in his voice as he opened a drawer from behind his desk and pulled a folded paper from inside it, putting it in front of Hyungwon, who swallowed down the nausea that was starting to make him sick and grabbed the paper. “I hired a chef who was highly recommended and...” His father’s voice became background noise as Hyungwon read what he discovered to be a letter from the Jung family.   

Hyungwon knew the Jungs. They have been trying to seal a deal with them for months now but there was never an agreement over the terms. It turned out they had a daughter who was at the perfect age for marriage and, going by what was written in the paper, the offer from Hyungwon’s father was the first thing that both parties completely agreed with. 

It was obvious by the letter that they were keen on having the marriage take place as soon as possible, which matched Byungho’s own wishes, and while that would have made Hyungwon arch an eyebrow in any other situation, he didn’t care right now.

Because it was already set in stone. Four days. He would be getting married in four days. He would soon be leaving the Chae manor, as he had just read in the letter, to live with someone who wasn’t Jooheon.

Hyungwon thought he would have more time. He thought he would be able to prepare Jooheon — and himself — for it, to properly say goodbye. But now the news had just been suddenly thrown at him and Hyungwon…

Hyungwon didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to.

Hyungwon wasn’t going to get married.

The room became completely silent and Hyungwon raised his eyes from the paper to his father’s wide eyes.

“What did you say?” Hyungwon blinked and licked his lips. He didn’t even notice he said that out loud, his body acted completely on its own. It seemed his body took a step forward when his brain was too much of a coward to act. “What did you just say, Hyungwon?”

Hyungwon closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again to stare straight into Byungho’s eyes. He wasn’t going to mumble or to avert his gaze as if he had anything to be ashamed of.

He had said once already, he could say it twice. However many more times he would need to.

“I will not get married, father .” 

He threw the letter on the table and leaned back against the chair as he crossed his legs, not even once looking away from his father, who narrowed his eyes.

“Are you challenging me?”

“No,” even though that was Hyungwon’s answer, it carried no meaning because it was clear by his posture and by his unwavering gaze that he was, indeed, challenging his Byungho’s orders. “I am just letting you know that I will not be getting married to Jung Heejin. So you might as well cancel the booking.” Hyungwon paused before gesturing at the letter. “And it would be a good idea to inform the Jungs as well.”

“Hyungwon,” Byungho started with controlled anger, speaking slowly as if he was talking with a stubborn child. “I don’t think you understand the importance of this marriage. I’m sure you’re aware of how long we have been trying to settle a deal with the Jungs. Their influence-”

“I’m very much aware of how important their influence would be to our business, father. I was there, I tried to make them sign the contract.” Hyungwon ignored the way his father breathed in deeply, getting even angrier at being so disrespectfully interrupted. “But I will not marry their daughter.”

“Why not?” Mr. Chae raised the volume of his voice, finally standing up from the chair and slamming both hands on the tabletop, getting closer to Hyungwon’s face. “You knew we were preparing for your marriage to Jung daughter, Hyungwon. Booking a date was your responsibility, to begin with. What is making you act so inconsequential now?” His father’s eyes narrowed before widening with understanding, much to Hyungwon’s displeasure. “Is it that boy? The footman?” Hyungwon’s whole body tensed at the mention of Jooheon even if his actual name hadn’t been voiced. His reaction must have been obvious from the outside as well because his father laughed hard enough to close his eyes and lose his balance, falling back on his chair. “Oh Hyungwon, a footman… You foolish boy.”

“Don’t,” Hyungwon’s voice trembled and he stopped himself before trying again. “Don’t talk about him.”

Mr. Chae opened his eyes and watched Hyungwon in silence for a couple of seconds, something Hyungwon recognized as cruel amusement shining in his eyes. 

“You know,” Byungho smiled. “I understand you, son. I have always been rather…” he hummed as he looked for what seemed to be the right word. “...fond. I have always been rather fond of pretty servants.” His smile took a wicked turn and Hyungwon felt a new wave of nausea hit him. “I do know how to appreciate a warm body during the cold days. Some servants are beautiful, even.”

Byungho laughed out loud, then. Suddenly and joyfully. The change in his humor made Hyungwon wary, raised all his guards.

“What is so funny, father?”

“I have eyes, son.” that was what his father chose to say, ignoring his question. “I have seen you with the footman. He’s rather handsome, I can see why you took a liking to him.” He shook his head with a small chuckle. “So is that the problem? You don’t want to stop seeing the boy?”

Hyungwon took a couple of seconds to answer — too busy analyzing his father’s expression with a frown on his own face —  and when he did, he talked slowly. He didn’t like how this conversation was going. This wasn’t how his father’s reaction to the news of his relationship with Jooheon was supposed to be, it didn’t make any sense.

“What if I say yes?”

“Don’t be a fool, Hyungwon.” Byungho relaxed against his chair as if he had just successfully averted a crisis. “You can take the boy with you after you marry. Make him your valet and no one will question his presence.”

Hyungwon felt his heart drop to his stomach for the second time that night.

“What?”

His father waved a hand absentmindedly, as if shooing away what he believed to be Hyungwon’s worries.

“No one will dare to make a comment even if they do notice something.” Byungho gave his son a teasing smile. “You don’t need to let go of a good bed warmer just because you’re getting married, son.” He laughed. “Take the boy with you and kee-”

“Enough.” Hyungwon’s voice was loud, loud enough to startle his father into silence. “Stop talking.”

Byungho frowned.

“Hyungwon? What are y-”

“Don’t ever again,” he cut his father off once again, “ ever , talk about him like that.”

Byungho straightened on his chair and watched Hyungwon with attention, pressing his lips into a thin line. And Hyungwon didn’t know what he was looking for or what he saw, but it was enough to get rid of any and all traces of amusement of his face.

“You are in love with the footman.” It wasn’t a question. He father saw his feelings in his eyes and grasped them completely right. He stood up again, so fast that it almost knocked his heavy chair over. “You foolish, stupid boy. What in the hell do you think you are doing?”

Hyungwon stood up as well, resting both hands on the table and leaning over the desk to get closer to his father.

“Yes, I am. I am in love with him and I will not get married to Jung.”

“You won’t throw all our efforts into the trash because of a footman, Hyungwon. I don’t care how good of a lay he is or how much do you think you love him, I won’t let you do this insanity!”

Hyungwon narrowed his eyes and even though he kept his voice in an even tone, he was serious about every single word he spoke:

“I am not asking your permission, father. I am telling you that I will not marry Heejin because I love Jooheon and he’s the one I’ll be with.”

“Jooheon?” Byungho scoffed. “So that’s the name of the servant that completely messed up with your head?” He shook his head and pointed a finger at Hyungwon’s face. “Listen to me carefully, boy. You will not ruin this deal for me. We need that contract and you know that very well. If the only way to seal it is to make you and the Jung’s daughter marry, then that will be it.” Hyungwon opened his mouth to speak but his father carried on without minding or noticing. “I will not let you ruin us because of such a silly thing as love.”

Hyungwon frowned and tilted his head to the side, watching his father carefully.

“This won’t ruin us. It won’t seal the deal but we’ll still be good on our own. The company isn’t in danger only because the Jung’s won’t sign the contract.” He paused and stared at his father’s expression. The man didn’t answer and that finally made Hyungwon understand what really was at stake there. “What? I take care of the finances, I know the company isn’t anywhere near bankruptcy.”

Mr. Chae grimaced and straightened his back, moving away from Hyungwon.

“I made some debt that weren’t reported to you.”

“You what?” Hyungwon raised his voice before letting out a humorless laugh. “So that’s why you’re so desperate to marry me off? This marriage will literally save you from your own stupidity, won’t it?”

“Watch your tongue when you speak to me, Hyungwon.”

Ignoring him, Hyungwon walked around the table and stopped one foot away from him.

“You ruined the company and now you want to use me to solve the problem you created, as if I’m some sort of cow you can sell to have a bit of money on your hands.” Hyungwon shook his head. His heart was still beating fast and the headache he had already been feeling only grew worse, becoming a painful pounding in his head that made it hard to think about what he was saying. It felt as if any kind of filter had vanished and Hyungwon could only let the words fly from his mouth. “But I won’t. I won’t sell myself because you can’t control how you spend your money. I will not let go of the man I love because you, father, wrecked the company like some sort of beginner-”

It had been years since the last time Hyungwon had felt the weight of his father’s hand, years since the last time he had been hit. But he discovered that despite having aged, his father’s hand was still heavy enough to make his head turn.

Shutting Hyungwon off with a slap strong enough to make him cut his inner cheek with his own teeth, Byungho’s chest was heaving up and down and only now Hyungwon noticed how red his face was. He didn’t remember having ever seen his father this furious.

“You ungrateful disgrace of a son,” his voice, contrary to Hyungwon’s, was loud and sharp. Small droplets of his saliva hit Hyungwon’s face, who could only watch him with fire in his own eyes. “You will do exactly as I say.” He scoffed. “I won’t be ridiculed as the man whose son is in a relationship with a footman. You will be marrying the Jung girl this Saturday and that’s final. Do you hear me?”

Hyungwon didn’t answer and he knew that his father was aware of what that meant. Hyungwon was staring him straight in the eyes with a firm gaze, not caring at all about the bruise that was forming on the left side of his face. 

He was still challenging his father’s orders and he was making it obvious for him to see.

“It’s my life, father,” he finally answered. “Not yours to decide what to do with it.”

Byungho watched him with barely contained anger before pointing at the door, a clear dismissal.

“We’ll see.”

Hyungwon didn’t say anything else, just walked out of the office with quick steps, the need to be as far away from his father urging him on. He ignored everyone he came across, didn’t apologize to all the servants he bumped into. His mind was too full; his thoughts were a turmoil and he could barely think straight.

He didn’t want to get married. He wasn’t going to get married. No matter what his father wanted.

Even though Hyungwon had been nothing but a coward until now, and he had a headache strong enough to make him too dazed to think, Hyungwon had made up his mind. It was his life to live and he would spend it with Jooheon, if he would have him.

The need to see Jooheon was the only coherent thought in his mind at the moment and it didn’t come as a surprise when he raised his eyes from the floor only to see he was standing in front of Jooheon’s small bedroom’s door. His feet carried him there on their own, his body once again taking the initiative when his brain was too overwhelmed, knowing exactly where to take him.

He needed Jooheon.

Hyungwon didn’t remember knocking on the door, but he must have done it because soon it was open and Jooheon was standing there, looking at Hyungwon’s face with wide and worried eyes.

“Hyungwon?” He lifted his hands to Hyungwon’s face, cupping the healthy side with his whole palm and gently touching the bruised skin with his fingertips. “What happened to you? Why are you hurt?”

Hyungwon took a step forward and it was enough for Jooheon to pull him inside, locking the door behind him before giving his full attention to Hyungwon, guiding him to his bed and sitting in front of him.

“Saturday,” Hyungwon whispered, which only made Jooheon frown in confusion. “The marriage.”

Jooheon’s eyes lit up with understanding right before his shoulders dropped. He lowered his hands to grab Hyungwon’s, squeezing them tightly.

“We knew this was going to happen but…” Jooheon smiled sadly. “I thought it would take a bit longer.”

Hyungwon leaned his body until his forehead was touching Jooheon’s. He rubbed their noses together.

“I don’t want to leave you, Jooheon.” He squeezed his hands. “I won’t leave you.”

Jooheon was quiet long enough for Hyungwon to pull away and search for his eyes. He still looked sad but when he raised his head, there was determination written all over his face. 

“I will go with you.”

Hyungwon’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“You can take me as your personal servant, can’t you?”

Hyungwon didn’t pay attention to anything else Jooheon said after that. His words sounded way too similar to what his father had spit on his face only a little while ago and Hyungwon…

Hyungwon hated them. He hated to know Jooheon would subject himself to something of the sort. Jooheon wasn’t supposed to be only his lover, he was supposed to be his everything.

He shook his head, fast enough to make him lightheaded for the second time that night. Jooheon stopped talking and when Hyungwon looked into his eyes, he saw worry there. He held Jooheon’s face in between his hands, brushing his thumbs on the skin of his cheeks.

“No. Jooheon, no. I won’t do that to you. I don’t want that for us.”

Jooheon licked his lips and sighed, leaning into Hyungwon’s touch.

“Then how…?”

“I will not marry.”

Jooheon’s eyes snapped open and he raised them to Hyungwon’s face.

“What?”

“I don’t know how, but I will stay with you.” He faltered and pressed his lips together. “If you want to stay with me too.”

“Of course I want! Hyungwon, you know I love you. Of course I want to stay with you.” Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile at that. “But how?”

Hyungwon chewed on the inside of his cheek, ignoring the throbbing pain on his left side. He had been maturing an idea for a while now. At first, it was nothing but wishful thinking. A sweet what if Hyungwon liked to entertain. But now? Now Hyungwon thought it could actually turn out to be a good idea. It could maybe be their only chance of living a happy life together.

“Jooheon, would you run away with me?”

Jooheon opened and closed his mouth a couple of times and Hyungwon smiled. He was obviously confused but also looked so incredibly adorable.

“Run away? But, But Hyungwon, you have a whole life here, you…” Jooheon shook his head. “You’ll be disowned.”

Hyungwon shrugged a shoulder.

“I know.” 

He said it with a small smile, showing Jooheon that he had thought about it. He knew the risks. He just didn’t think they were more important to him than Jooheon.

“Hyungwon…” 

Jooheon moved closer and Hyungwon hugged him around the waist, pulling him closer and sighing against his neck, feeling his shoulders relax at the contact.

“I know it all, Jooheon. I just… I love you more than I love anything else.” He pulled away enough to look into Jooheon’s eyes. “I can get another job and I’ll take all my valuable things with us. If you say yes, I really wanna get away from here with you, love.”

Jooheon smiled big, eyes shining with emotion.

“Of course I say yes!” 

Hyungwon pulled him into a hug again, breathing in and out deeply, feeling so utterly relieved. He still had to think about how and when they were going to leave but they were going to manage.

Everything would be alright and not even his father would be able to stop them. He was sure of it.

Honestly, Hyungwon didn’t like his last dream.

Not only because of the whole affair with his father — he could swear his left cheek was a little bit sore when he woke up, no matter how much Minhyuk laughed at his face when he voiced that — but also because of how much it sounded like it was coming to an end. There was some sort of finality there and, contrary to the one from the past life, Hyungwon didn’t believe their runaway attempt would end well.

He had a really bad feeling about how things were going to play out.

“But there’s nothing you can do about it, Won.” 

Hyungwon looked away from the bus’ window and at Minhyuk’s face, who was smiling small in a pitiful attempt to cheer Hyungwon up. He sighed.

“I know. I’m just worried.”

Minhyuk hummed his understanding.

“I know but I don’t think you should.” He paused. “Worry, I mean. I don’t think you should worry because it’s all the past, right?” he smiled bigger, confident in his words. “It all already happened so you have nothing to fear, not really.”

Hyungwon nodded and turned his attention back to the window, knowing Minhyuk wouldn’t mind.

“You’re right, I just…” He tried to put his feelings into words. “Maybe because it’s me there in the dream, I always feel too much, if that makes sense? And knowing something bad is about to happen… I can’t be at ease.”

Minhyuk patted his knee and Hyungwon let him, enjoying the comforting gesture.

“Just remember it’s not real, alright? It’s all in the past.”

“Yeah I kn-”

Hyungwon’s voice died in his throat because the bus stopped at a red light and at that moment a boy walked into his field of vision. Hyungwon followed him with his eyes, and they grew bigger the longer he looked.

He was different. His hair was a dark blond that looked nothing like the black he remembered from his dreams. He wore modern clothes, obviously. Too modern even to Hyungwon’s — boring, according to Minhyuk — standards and had airpods shoved in his ears. But his features were just the same. The mouth, that was moving as he mouthed along to whatever song he was listening to, was the very same from Hyungwon’s dream, just as the small eyes and soft cheeks.

Jooheon.

It was Jooheon.

“What!? Where!?”

Apparently, talking without meaning to was something Hyungwon also did while awake. 

He didn’t look at Minhyuk, too scared to take his eyes off Jooheon’s figure. His heart was beating so fast, Hyungwon was afraid it would come out of his mouth. 

“It’s him, Min! It’s Jooheon!”

Minhyuk leaned over him to look out the window, eyes searching all over it, looking for Jooheon and having only Hyungwon’s description of how he looked like to go by. 

Hyungwon shoved a finger against the glass, pointing in Jooheon’s direction, who continued to walk down the street, completely oblivious to Hyungwon and Minhyuk.

“There! It’s him! Minhyuk, it’s Jooheon! Oh my god!”

Hyungwon stood up and accidentally pushed Minhyuk away with the movement, making him fall back on his seat with an oof . But before he could even take a step in the door’s direction, the light turned green and the bus started to move again.

“Hyungwon, wait.”

“No, no, no.” He leaned down to look out of the window again and saw Jooheon’s back, already small and about to vanish from his vision. “No, Minhyuk, no.”

“Hey, Hyungwon. Calm down, please.” Minhyuk sat him down on the seat again and held his face before making Hyungwon look at him. “Won, calm down. Breathe.”

Hyungwon did as he was told, taking deep breaths and starting to slowly calm down. The fact that he made a scene in the bus only now started to dawn on him and he decided to completely ignore whoever else was there, for his own peace of mind. He nodded to Minhyuk, holding his wrists to gently pull his hands away.

“I’m okay, Min.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Minhyuk smiled but he still looked worried.

“It’s okay.”

Hyungwon played with his hands on his lap, trying to remember everything about Jooheon and commit it to memory.

“It was Jooheon, Min.” Hyungwon laughed, leaning his head against Minhyuk’s shoulder. “Oh my god, I saw Jooheon. Here’s here, too.”

“Are you sure, Won?”

He could hear the worry in Minhyuk’s voice but Hyungwon couldn’t stop smiling. He understood why he was worried, knew the way he acted probably set off all kinds of alarms in Minhyuk’s head but Hyungwon was elated.

That was Jooheon. Hyungwon was as sure of that as he was sure of his own name.

“Yeah. I’m sure.” He glanced up at Minhyuk with a small smile. “I told you he was alive, Min.”

Minhyuk finally laughed and Hyungwon felt his shoulder relaxing under his head.

“I never doubted you.”

“You’re nothing but a liar, Minhyuk.”

“Hey!”

“Didn’t you try this before?”

Hyungwon felt the cushion of the couch’s backrest sinking slightly with Minhyuk’s weight when he rested his elbows on it. Usually, Hyungwon couldn’t stand when someone looked at his laptop over his shoulder but he didn’t mind when Minhyuk did it. Maybe because any attempt to stop him was fruitless so Hyungwon just learned to live with it.

“Yeah but I don't know. Maybe I scrolled past him? I’m taking a look again, just in case.”

He was, once again, searching for Jooheon’s name in all the social media he could think of. He had at least four tabs open and he had been scrolling down Facebook’s search result for around ten minutes already. The profiles were already looking ridiculous and the probability of finding him further down than that was slim but Hyungwon was somewhat energized after seeing him with his own two eyes earlier that day.

“Have you tried Twitter?”

“Not yet.” Hyugnwon glanced at Twitter’s tab. “But I already have it open.”

Minhyuk walked around the couch and pulled his phone from his back pocket before sitting down beside Hyungwon, pulling his knees close to his chest, feet on the couch.

“Lemme try Twitter. You check Instagram again.”

Hyungwon smiled at Minhyuk, feeling his heart expending thrice its size, like Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch. He knew Minhyuk thought it was just a waste of time to look for Jooheon’s profile after all the times they tried and came up with nothing. But there he was, with his phone in hand and a small concentrated frown on his face, helping Hyungwon without even being prompted to do so.

He didn’t say it out loud too many times but Minhyuk was the best friend Hyungwon could have asked for and if it wasn’t for him pulling him back to reality, Hyungwon would have gone crazy a long time ago. 

“Thank you, Min.”

Minhyuk just hummed and smiled without looking. Hyungwon patted Minhyuk’s knee before turning his attention to his own laptop.

They searched for almost two hours and came out empty-handed but, contrary to all the previous times, Hyungwon wasn’t demotivated because he had seen Jooheon and even if he lived under a rock and had no online account, he was not only very much real but lived in the same city — at least Hyungwon hoped he wasn’t just visiting. Now it was a matter of when Hyungwon would meet him instead of if . That alone was enough to fill him with hope and renew his energy to keep looking.

Hyungwon stretched his arms over his head with a groan as Minhyuk locked his phone and leaned back on the couch with a sigh.

“Is it possible your soulmate is the only person who doesn’t have a single social media account?”

Hyungwon scoffed.

“I think he just doesn’t have his face as profile pic. We’re probably just missing him.”

“Oh,” Minhyuk said slowly. “that makes more sense.” Minhyuk paused and it was silent for a total of thirty seconds before he spoke again. “Does he look the same?”

“Uhm?”

“From your dreams. Does he look the same?”

Hyungwon sighed and put his laptop away and on the floor before letting himself all but melt against the couch, thinking back to the few seconds he saw Jooheon.

“No, not really.”

That picked Minhyuk’s interest, who looked at Hyungwon with curious eyes.

“What changed?”

“He was blond and his hair was shorter.” Hyungwon smiled. “His face was the same, though. Full cheeks, pretty lips, and small eyes.”

Minhyuk blinked.

“It was so fast, how could you pay attention to all of that?”

Hyungwon shrugged. It was weird because he knew the whole thing must have lasted five seconds the most, and yet…

“It’s like time slowed down, Min. Like it stopped.” Hyungwon grabbed a pillow and hugged it against his chest. “I know it was fast but it felt like I looked at him for entire minutes.”

Minhyuk didn’t answer for a couple of seconds so Hyungwon looked at him, seeing he had a frown on his face.

“Is that some kind of soulmate shit?” Hyungwon couldn’t help but burst out in laughter, which put a smile on Minhyuk’s face. “I never heard anything like that! A movie of your life before you’re dying? Yeah, that I heard before. But time stopping because you saw the person you love?” Minhyuk shook his head and knocked his shoulder on Hyungwons. “I thought this was something that only happened in books.”

Hyungwon stopped laughing but the smile was still intact on his lips. He felt so light, so full of hope, that he couldn’t stop beaming. He looked like some sort of fool. Or like Minhyuk.

“Me too, Min. But really, there’s nothing normal about this situation so I’m not even surprised.”

Minhyuk nodded his head in agreement.

“Aren’t you worried about the dreams anymore?” Minhyuk asked as he played with his phone just to have something to do with his hands. “You were a little off today, Won.”

“It’s not that I’m not worried. I wanna see Jooheon again but I’m not looking forward to what I’ll dream of next.” He made a face. “It’s weird and confusing, sorry.” He touched the left side of his cheek, remembering the slap from his dream. There was no bruise on his skin, not even a small mark, but he still felt it tingle. It threw Hyungwon off. “I think that seeing him here, in person, calmed me down. It was a reminder that no matter what happened in my dreams, it won’t affect us, you know?”

Minhyuk nodded.

“The dreams are just telling you a story.”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon paused, biting his bottom lip. “I just hope it has a happy ending.”

They planned it as well as they could given how much time they just didn’t have.

Hyungwon gathered all his valuable belongings, all the jewelry and money he could get his hands onto. He made sure they knew where to go and how to get there. He bought them both trains tickets to wherever was far enough from the Chae manor. Once there, they’d worry about where to settle down.

The most important thing was to be far away as soon as they could and before the Jungs and all the other guests arrived. 

They were ready to go in two days.

Hyungwon waited for the night to fall before looking for Jooheon. He wished they had more time to prepare, to have a better plan that wasn’t so desperate, but the Jungs would be arriving the next day as soon as the sun arrived and they had no time to spare.

Hyungwon didn’t have enough trouble sneaking into Jooheon’s room, he thankfully didn’t run into any servant and he was particularly happy to not have seen his father ever since their talk in his office. There was a letter on his pillow, addressed to his mother, but that was all. He didn’t talk to anyone but Jooheon about their plans and Hyungwon hoped — oh heavens, he could only hope — that everything would be alright.

Hyungwon only had to knock once for Jooheon’s door to open. He was already carrying a suitcase and he didn’t pull Hyungwon inside, just stepped out of the room and closed the door behind his back. He looked back at Hyungwon and gently touched his cheek, the one with the bruise that was now starting to fade. He lifted his head and Hyungwon met him halfway, closing his eyes when their lips touched.

They couldn’t afford to get carried away so the kiss only lasted a couple of seconds before Hyungwon pulled away.

“Do you have everything?”

Jooheon nodded and it obvious how nervous he was; scared, even. Hyungwon could feel his hand shaking a little against his skin and he knew that if he rested a palm on his chest, he’d feel Jooheon’s heart beating fast. He kept glancing around them, worried someone would catch them as they tried to leave the mansion.

“Everything’s important, yes.” 

Jooheon tried to smile, maybe to show Hyungwon a bit of confidence, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Hyungwon kissed him again, resting their foreheads together after pulling away.

“Everything’s gonna be alright, honey.” 

Jooheon nodded with closed eyes, his free hand now holding tight onto the lapel of Hyungwon’s jacket.

“I know.” He blinked his eyes open and pulled away only far enough to look at Hyungwon. “We’ll be happy, won’t we?”

Hyungwon smiled and nodded, brushing Jooheon’s eyebrow with his thumb before sliding the same finger down his cheek.

“The happiest. I’ll be the happiest with you.” When Jooheon smiled again, it was more real. “Let’s go.”

Hyungwon really believed everything was gonna be okay. They managed to sneak around the mansion without any problem. It was too late for people to still be awake and even the servants had already gone to their bedrooms. They walked out of the building without anyone seeing them. They were still in the Chae property, walking to the gates, but in less than five minutes they’d be away from there and Hyungwon didn’t have any intention of ever coming back.

He looked at Jooheon with a smile on his lips. His heart was beating fast, adrenaline coursing through his veins, and even though they weren’t safe yet, not really, Hyungwon felt like they succeeded.

As if sensing eyes on him, Jooheon blinked and looked back at Hyungwon, giving him a smile of his own as he squeezed his hand — which he hadn’t let go since they left the doorframe of the bedroom that used to be Jooheon’s. 

He opened his mouth to say something but the voice that rang loud wasn’t his. 

It was Byungho’s.

“Hyungwon!” 

They froze in place and when Jooheon tried to let go of his hand, Hyungwon just held it tighter. He took a deep breath to calm his heart. His father’s voice was enough to make him nauseous. Why wasn’t he asleep? 

Hyungwon finally turned to face Byungho and his eyes widened when they lowered to his father’s hand, his suitcase falling to the ground. He heard the muffled sound of Jooheon letting go of his own but he didn’t look in his direction. He didn’t dare to take his eyes off his father’s figure.

“Father?” Hyungwon blinked at the gun he was carrying. He had seen his father clean it a couple of times and the sight of it never filled Hyungwon with as much dread as it did now. His whole blood turned into icy water and he couldn’t breathe. “What are you doing?”

“Stopping you from doing this madness.” He didn’t raise his arm but Hyungwon wasn’t any less alert. “I told you, I won’t let you do that.”

“How did you-”

Byungho laughed out loud, shaking his head. 

“You’re not as discreet as you like to think, son.”

Jooheon pulled Hyungwon closer, holding Hyungwon’s hand with both of his.

“So? Are you going to shoot me?” Hyungwon lifted his chin and tried to show courage he just didn’t have. “Would you rather have a dead son?”

“Hyungwon, stop.” Jooheon whispered next to him, trying to pull him farther away from where his father was. “Don’t make him angrier.”

“Don’t be silly, boy. Of course I won’t shoot you.” Hyungwon didn’t have time to relax at his words because Byungho finally raised his arm. But he wasn’t aiming at Hyungwon. “You will not run away from your responsibilities. Much less with a footman.”

He was aiming at Jooheon.

Everything happened too fast. He heard Jooheon’s scream and the sound of Byungho’s gun going off.

If there was one thing Byungho was proud of, it was his aim. And he had reasons to gloat. Hyungwon had seen beforehand, many times, how he always hit the bullseye no matter which weapon he was using. Byungho’s favorite was the gun and Hyungwon had never seen him miss a target.

And he was sure his father wouldn’t miss now, either.

Hyungwon didn’t think, he didn’t have time for that. He acted before considering the consequences and his mind was completely blank for everything but Jooheon and his safety.

Jooheon. Alive and with his heart beating.

Hyungwon didn’t think he ever moved as fast and he was sure it hurt. It must have hurt. Because his father never missed his target, so the bullet hit him on the chest.

There were screams. He recognized both Jooheon’s and his father’s voices but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. He opened his eyes and saw he was on the ground. If he fell or if someone laid him down, he couldn’t tell. Maybe Jooheon did it?

He was dizzy, so sleepy. He couldn’t keep his eyes open for too long. He felt a trembling touch to his face and saw Jooheon’s face hovering over his. His hair was falling over his eyes and he was crying. He was crying so hard, there was a drop of tear on his chin, refusing to fall. Slowly, Hyungwon lifted his hand and touched it with the tip of his index finger.

Jooheon grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“Are you listening to me?” His voice was weak but loud enough, close enough, for Hyungwon to understand. He nodded his head. “Good. Don’t, don’t sleep, okay? Keep your eyes open for me, okay?”

Hyungwon frowned.

“Can’t.”

Jooheon shook his head, brushing the hair away from Hyungwon’s face.

“No, no, no. You will. Hyungwon, please. Please, for me?” 

Hyungwon closed his eyes for two seconds before opening them again. Jooheon was crying and it hurt Hyungwon to see. He should be smiling. Jooheon was made to be happy. Hyungwon smiled.

“I love you, Heonie.”

Jooheon sobbed and closed his eyes tightly, his hands holding Hyungwon so tightly it would have hurt if he was able to feel anything at all.

“I love you, too.” Jooheon leaned down until his forehead touched Hyungwon’s. “I’ll love you forever, Won.” When pulled away and Hyungwon was able to see his eyes again, he recognized sadness, pain and something else. Resignation, maybe? “You’ll be with me, right?”

Hyungwon smiled again.

“Always.”

He didn’t want to think about it but Hyungwon knew, deep down, that he was dying.

“We’ll meet again?”

Hyungwon licked his lips. It was getting harder to talk. It was getting harder to think. 

He was so sleepy, so tired.

“Yes.” Hyungwon breathed out. He paused and tried to gather whatever strength he still had to keep talking. “I’ll always find you, Jooheon.”

Jooheon’s lower lip was trembling and tears didn’t stop falling down his face. There was a movement behind him, the sound of more voices and crying. But Hyungwon tuned it all out to concentrate only on Jooheon.

“Promise me?”

“Yes.” Hyungwon did his best to squeeze Jooheon’s hand, knowing it was a pitiful attempt. “I’ll meet you again, even if I-” he stopped with a gasp. Hyungwon closed his eyes and tried again, feeling Jooheon’s touch on his face, soothing him. “even if I need to go to the ends of the Earth, I’ll meet you again.”

“Okay.” Hyungwon didn’t have the force to open his eyes but he smiled at the sound of Jooheon’s voice. “I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll always be waiting for you.”

And Jooheon’s voice was the last thing Hyungwon heard before his heart stopped beating.

Hyungwon woke up with a gasp, sitting down on the mattress with one single movement. His chest was heaving up and down and his mind was a mess. He buried both hands on his hair and looked around his dark room with wide eyes.

Where was he? Where was Jooheon?

When his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he recognized the place as his apartment. The books on the bedside table telling him he was in the twenty-first century and not in an old mansion, decades ago.

He died. It was a dream but he died. So that was it? He was killed by his own father in his past life? Died in Jooheon’s arms?

Hyungwon pulled his legs closer to himself and hid his face on his knees, letting out a painful sob as the tears finally started to fall. He took a hand to his chest, right over his heart. It was beating fast; maybe a bit too fast, but beating nonetheless. He was alive. He was never shot. 

Hyungwon tightened a fist around the cloth of his sleeping shirt. He could still feel it. 

He was going crazy. He needed to calm down.

He blindly reached for his phone on the bedside table, over the book he had been reading before going to sleep, and dialed Minhyuk’s number.

“Hyungwon,” Minhyuk’s greeting was a sleepy whine. “Do you have any idea of how late it i-”

“Min, I died.”

The line went silent for over ten seconds before Minhyuk spoke again, his voice sounding more alert.

“Hyungwon, what… Are you okay? Where are you?”

“I died, Min.” Hyungwon was talking in between sobs, unable to calm himself down. “I dreamed, I. It happened, Min. I was, was shot. My dad shot me. I died, I…”

“Hyungwon, calm down. Take deep breaths and calm down. Where are you?”

“Home?” Hyungwon did as he was told and took a deep breath. Or at least tried to, but he choked on another sob. “I’m home.”

“Ok, I’m coming. Please, try to calm down.”

“I don’t…” Hyungwon hugged his legs with his free hand, resting his forehead on his knee. “I don’t wanna hang up.”

“You don’t have to. Keep talking, I’m listening. I already called a cab and I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Minhyuk would take at least half an hour to arrive, he was being overly optimistic and Hyungwon knew it, but he was grateful for how ready Minhyuk was to leave in the middle of the night only because Hyungwon needed him. 

Hyungwon didn’t raise his head during the whole time it took Minhyuk to get there and he didn’t bother to go open the door for him when he finally did arrive because Minhyuk had the code to his lock and Hyungwon trusted him to just open it and welcome himself inside. 

The apartment was quiet and Minhyuk barely made any noise as he made his way to Hyungwon’s bedroom. Hyungwon didn’t react when he felt the mattress sinking beside him before there was the gentle touch of a hand on his back. Minhyuk pulled the phone from Hyungwon’s hand and put it away, shifting closer right after, pulling him to rest his weight on him. Hyungwon allowed himself to be manhandled and rested his head on Minhyuk’s shoulder, the soothing caress of his hand up and down his back doing wonders to calm him down.

Minhyuk didn’t ask any question, he didn’t say anything at all. He just waited for Hyungwon to get his shit together, not commenting on the tears that were still now silently running down his cheek. Hyungwon closed his eyes and finally managed to breathe in deeply without choking in his own tears. When he breathed out, he felt some of the tension leaving his body and he relaxed against Minhyuk, who took that as a sign to finally speak up.

“Are you feeling better?”

Hyungwon nodded without opening his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, voice only loud enough for Minhyuk to understand. “I’m sorry, Min.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He felt the touch of the back of Minhyuk’s hand on his forehead and when he didn’t say anything about it, Hyungwon figured he didn’t have a fever. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“Not really. It was one of my dreams.”

“With Jooheon?” Minhyuk sounded a bit concerned so Hyungwon opened his eyes, pulling away to face him. “What happened?”

Hyungwon understood the worry written on Minhyuk’s face. One of his dreams of Jooheon meant that it hadn’t been a regular dream, but the memory of something that happened years ago.

“Remember how my father,” Hyungwon stopped and grimaced. It felt weird to call that man that when his actual father was such a great person. “how my father found out about us and I asked Jooheon to run away?” Minhyuk nodded and Hyungwon went on. “He caught us when we were leaving. He shot Jooheon but I jumped in front of him.”

Minhyuk winced.

“Damn.”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon gave him a faint smile. “It’s a good plot for a book, to be honest.” Minhyuk beamed and nodded his head once. “Anyway, the shot killed me. It hit me in the heart and I died right after.” Hyungwon pressed the heels of his palms on his closed eyes. He could recall everything that happened with scary accuracy whenever his eyes were closed. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I…” Lowering his hands, Hyungwon opened his eyes and didn’t look away from the blanket that still covered his legs. “Jooheon was there when I was dying. He was trying to keep me awake but…” He shrugged one shoulder, finally looking up at Minhyuk. “Yeah.”

There was a wrinkle between Minhyuk’s eyebrow, his expression serious.

“Now I understand why you were so scared. You said it wasn’t a nightmare but, really, that sounds horrible.” 

Hyungwon nodded his head and sighed. He was breathing just fine now and his heart rate had finally gone back to normal. He didn’t have his phone anymore so he looked out the window, frowning when he didn’t see any sign that the sun would be up anytime soon.

“Min, what time is it?”

Minhyuk grabbed his phone from somewhere behind him and lit up the screen, dropping it back to the mattress right after.

“4 am.”

Hyungwon made a face.

“So early. I’m sorry for making you come here in the middle of the night. Again.”

Minhyuk waved a hand with a smile.

“I told you, don’t worry about it.” Minhyuk expression changed into something a bit more serious. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon smiled. “Thank you, Min.”

“You’re welcome.” Minhyuk beamed, his nose wrinkling a bit. “Feel free to call me when you dream again. But you’re owning me a whole cake for that, just so you know.”

Hyungwon snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have your name on speed dial.”

Hyungwon didn’t dream of Jooheon again.

Hyungwon didn’t think much of it when he didn’t dream for an entire week. It was common for his dreams to take a break of one or two weeks before returning, so he just assumed he would be dreaming of Jooheon again in a week or so. 

It didn’t happen.

After almost two months went by without any dream of his past life, Hyungwon started to get frantic. Minhyuk had told him that maybe he had already dreamed everything he had to dream and it made sense. He died, his past life reached an end. So what else did he have to see?

It wasn’t a nice thought, though. Not when he had no idea of what happened to Jooheon in that lifetime. The only thing calming his heart was the knowledge that Jooheon was alive and healthy somewhere around the city. But he hadn’t seen the boy again and Hyungwon was starting to lose hope. What were the chances of running into Jooheon again when they lived in such a big city?

Of course, it was a huge relief to at least having seen Jooheon once, being sure that he existed and was apparently well. But Hyungwon had been looking for him for years and now that the dreams stopped, he couldn’t help but feel as if his chances of meeting Jooheon were getting more and more slim. 

There was also the fear that Hyungwon was only deluding himself. He was sure by now that he and Jooheon had something in a past life but that didn’t mean he was still the same person. He could very well be only another stranger. He had been seeing Jooheon every month ever since he was a teenager and now that it finally stopped, Hyungwon wondered if it wasn’t ridiculous to fall in love with someone he never met while awake.

Hyungwon still wanted to meet him, though. Five months with no dreams and no news of Jooheon, he still wished he would meet him one day. His own romantic feelings aside, he wished to at least know how he was doing, what was his job. He only knew the Jooheon from a past century, he wanted to get to know the Jooheon of now as well.

Those were the kind of thoughts running around in Hyungwon’s head as he waited for Minhyuk to finish ordering their food. He had his elbow upon the tabletop, chin resting on his open palm and eyes focused somewhere in the back to the restaurant, looking without really seeing anything. He was blinking slowly and he probably looked sleepy to everyone else in the room but, really, even though he could feel his shoulders slump with tiredness — diving headfirst into his book to distract himself might not have been the healthiest idea he ever had — he was just lost in thought.

Hyungwon didn’t notice when Minhyuk sat across from him, carrying their food and drinks. He only snapped out of his daydreaming when Minhyuk waved a hand in front of his face. Hyungwon blinked as his eyes focused on Minhyuk’s face, whose eyes were concerned despite the smile he had on his lips.

“Wake up, Won.” He pushed one of the dishes in Hyungwon’s direction, who took his elbow off the table. “And eat up.”

From the moment Minhyuk invited him to go out together, Hyungwon knew he just wanted to make sure he would be eating something. Hyungwon wasn’t skipping meals or anything of the sort but given how easily distracted he was and how many times Minhyuk saw him zoning out, he wasn’t surprised by his worry. So he just smiled and started eating without making any comment, feeling a little apologetic for how he had been acting.

“How is your book going, Won? Did you send the final draft to Kihyun yet?”

Hyungwon shook his head with his cheeks stuffed with food and raised a finger as he finished chewing.

“No, I’m not done yet.” He smiled. “But I’ll be done soon, so  Kihyun will have it by the end of the week.”

Minhyuk hummed and nodded his head.

“I can’t wait to see the book in stores.” There was a spark in Minhyuk’s eyes of what Hyungwon recognized as mischief and he sighed, preparing himself for whatever would be coming next. “Will you have an autograph session?”

Hyungwon groaned out loud, ignoring the way someone from a nearby table glanced at him.

“Don’t even remind me. They already told me they want me to have one of those in the week of the release.”

Minhyuk laughed and Hyungwon hid his grimace behind his drink. 

“I can’t believe I’m friends with someone famous.”

“Oh, shut up.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and looked down at his food. “I was really lucky my first book did so well and Kihyun is really confident that the second one will do well too, so.” He brushed a hand through his hair before shrugging.

“You were lucky and talented.” Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “But sure, pretend you’re not rich and famous.”

Hyungwon kicked him under the table and smirked at the pained sound Minhyuk let out.

“I’ll go get a refill.” 

Hyungwon said that as he was already standing up from his seat and Minhyuk’s eyes widened. Hyungwon watched in bemusement as he drank his entire glass of cold tea in large gulps before handing him the empty thing with a large smile.

“For me too, please.”

“I swear to God, Min…” He grumbled but took the glass with a sigh.

Hyungwon took a couple of minutes to go back to his table because there was a small queue in front of the counter. Only then did he noticed how busy the place was, if he and Minhyuk hadn’t arrived before the lunch rush, they probably wouldn’t have found a table. 

He sat back in his seat and pushed Minhyuk’ drink closer to him.

“There, but if you want another refill, you’ll have to get it yourself.” Hyungwon was expecting Minhyuk to bite back with something sassy, so he looked up when it didn’t come. Minhyuk was looking at some spot over Hyungwon’s shoulder with a frown on his face. He was squinting slightly, the way he always did when he was concentrating hard on something. Hyungwon arched an eyebrow. “Min?” 

Minhyuk didn’t react so Hyungwon snapped his fingers in front of his face, which made Minhyuk jump before looking back at him with wide eyes.

“Uhm?”

“What happened to you?” Hyungwon pointed at the glass in front of him. “I brought your tea.”

“Oh.” Minhyuk looked down at it but didn’t make a single move to grab it. Hyungwon was starting to get actually worried about his odd behavior and opened his mouth to ask but Minhyuk started talking again before he could voice his question. “Hey, Won.”

“Yeah?”

“How did you say Jooheon looked like?”

Hyungwon sipped his juice, eyes on Minhyuk.

“In my dreams?”

“No, no.” Minhyuk looked up at the same spot over Hyungwon’s shoulder. “That time you saw him.”

Hyungwon hummed and smiled when he recalled that day, like a fool. He was glad Minhyuk was distracted by something else and didn’t see it. He pushed his empty plate away and placed the glass on the table before resting his elbows on it again, lacing his fingers together under his chin.

“He had short blond hair, lighter than yours, round cheeks and small eyes. He had airpods in his ears and was dressed very casually.”

“How tall is he?”

Hyungwon pressed his lips together. He only knew his height in his dreams but by what he saw through the bus window, he wasn’t any more tell than that.

“Shorter than us but not too short.” Hyungwon frowned. “Why are you asking?”

“Uhm.” Minhyuk looked back at Hyungwon. “I don’t want to give you false hope, Won, but…”

Hyungwon straightened up at that, wide eyes glued on Minhyuk’s face.

“What? What is it?”

Minhyuk pointed at the same point he had been staring at for the last minute.

“Isn’t that your dream boy?”

Hyungwon turned around so fast his chair almost toppled over. He looked out the large windows of the diner, trying to see soft cheeks and blond hair. 

And sure enough, there he was, all the way across the street and staring right back at Hyungwon.

Just like the last time Hyungwon saw him, he felt as if time slowed down to a stop. The restaurant’s noise was suddenly muffled, as well as Minhyuk’s voice. He was too far away to see his expression in detail but Hyungwon was sure Jooheon’s mouth fell open the moment he saw his face. Hyungwon watched as the boy — his dream boy, as Minhyuk said — buried both hands in his hair, eyes never leaving Hyungwon’s figure.

Hyungwon didn’t act at first. His whole body was frozen in place and the only thing he was hearing at this point was the loud sound of his own heartbeat. Jooheon had to start moving for Hyungwon to do the same.

Jooheon looked both sides before crossing the street in a jog as if he was in a hurry to get to the other side, and Hyungwon immediately stood up. The chair fell over with that but he didn’t care. He ran out of the diner — actually ran out, and Hyungwon couldn’t for the life of him remember the last time he did any kind of physical activity — without grabbing his coat from the back of his chair or remembering to take his gloves, not hearing the way Minhyuk all but yelled an apology to everyone else.

He walked out of the building, not minding the cold weather, at the same time Jooheon arrived in front of it. They were only a few steps away from each other now and Hyungwon could see his face clearly. 

It was him. The same soft cheeks, small eyes, and pretty lips. He was just as tall as Hyungwon remembered from his dreams and he knew that if he hugged him, he would fit perfectly between his arms. He was breathing as fast as Hyungwon and his eyes were wide. Hyungwon was trying to hold back his tears because he wasn’t sure of what was going through Jooheon’s mind. He wasn’t acting as if he was seeing a stranger but how much did he know their story? How much did he know Hyungwon?

But then a tear slip down Jooheon’s cheek and his lower lip wobbled before he let out a sob. Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he didn’t have time to react before Jooheon moved and walked into Hyungwon’s personal space, throwing his arms over his shoulders in a tight hug. He hid his face in the curve of Hyungwon’s neck and he felt Jooheon’s tears on his skin.

It took Hyungwon a heartbeat to react. He breathed in deeply and let out a choked noise when he noticed Jooheon smelled the same from his dreams, a citric scent Hyungwon would never forget. It was absurd but he did. 

Hyungwon finally curled his arms around his waist, hugging him back tightly and burying his face in his hair.

“You, Hyungwon?”

Jooheon’s voice was too low for everyone but Hyugnwon to hear; spoken close to his ear.

“Yeah. It’s me. Jooheon?”

Jooheon nodded his head and shifted even closer, the fingers of one of his hands threading into the hairs at the back of Hyungwon’s head.

“You…” Jooheon stopped, breathing in deeply, and Hyungwon felt him shiver. “You died in my arms.” 

That was all the confirmation Hyungwon needed to know that Jooheon had the same dreams as him. He ran his hand up and down Jooheon’s back; it was something his past self always did whenever Jooheon was distressed and Hyungwon acted almost on instinct. But it slowly started to work and he felt Jooheon’s relax.

“I’m sorry, Heonie.”

Jooheon chuckled, low and wet, before shaking his head. Neither of them wanted to pull away and everyone around them and in the diner were probably watching them but really, Hyungwon couldn’t care less.

“No, it’s not your fault.” He rubbed the tip of his nose against the skin of Hyungwon’s neck. “Not your fault.”

Hyungwon sighed and closed his eyes.

“I can’t believe it’s you.”

He felt when Jooheon smiled and only then it dawned on Hyungwon that he had his lips pressed against his skin.

“I can’t believe this doesn’t feel weird.”

Hyungwon chuckled and slid his palms up Jooheon’s back and over his shoulder blades before pulling him even closer, or at least trying to.

Hyungwon didn’t know how long they stood like that but the cold eventually started to make his fingers numb, so he rubbed his face on Jooheon’s hair before speaking.

“Should we get out of the street?” Jooheon hummed and he didn’t break their hug but he pulled away far enough to look up at Hyungwon’s face, who felt his heart beating a bit faster. “It’s cold.”

“Oh, yeah it is.” Jooheon stepped back and grabbed Hyungwon’s hands. Unlike him, Jooheon wasn’t underdressed for the weather. He had a warm coat and thick gloves. Hyungwon watched as he rubbed his cold hands and blew on them, feeling his chest warm despite the cold. “Do you wanna go back inside?” Jooheon asked, pointing at the diner with his head.

Hyungwon nodded.

“I need to get my coat too-”

“No, you don’t!” Both Hyungwon and Jooheon jumped at the new voice and when they turned, there Minhyuk already decked in his coat and scarf. He had a large smile and was holding Hyungwon’s coat and gloves in his hands. Hyungwon had to let go of Jooheon’s hand to grab his things from Minhyuk. “And if you want a piece of advice, if I were you guys, I wouldn’t go back inside.” His smile got even brighter, if it was even possible. “You made quite the scene here. And people are, uh, curious.”

Hyungwon grimaced and when he looked at Jooheon, his cheeks were flushed red. None of them had really cared about the onlookers a little while ago but now Hyungwon wasn’t in the mood to have that many people peeking at them.

“Uhm…” Jooheon cleared his throat and Minhyuk looked at him with curious eyes. “I’m sorry for intruding on your dinner…”

Minhyuk blinked twice before opening the biggest smile he could muster.

“Don’t worry! I’m really happy to see you! Jooheon, right?” That seemed to surprise Jooheon, who only nodded. “You have no idea of how much I heard about you.” Hyungwon made a face and Minhyuk laughed. “So really, I know Hyungwon would rather not have me around, so.” He waved a hand at them both before turning with a flourish and walking away.

Hyungwon smiled at his friend’s back. He could feel how happy Minhyuk was for him.

“Hyungwon?” He looked at Jooheon and felt himself melt at the sight of him. “I was going home so if you’d like…” he trailed off a little uncertainty and Hyungwon smiled before putting on his coat and gloves. He grabbed one of Jooheon’s hands and squeezed it, which earned him a smile. “Would you like to come along?”

“Yeah.” The word was just breathed out so Hyungwon said it again, louder. “Yeah. I’d love to.”

One hour later, Hyungwon found himself in Jooheon’s apartment, sitting on his couch. Jooheon was right beside him and they weren’t hugging anymore but their shoulders and thighs were touching, and Hyungwon still had Jooheon’s hand safely held between his. 

“Did you have any dreams after my death?” It was such a weird thing to say but Hyungwon didn’t know how else to word it. “That was my last dream.”

Jooheon shook his head.

“Not really. I, uh. I died right after.”

Hyungwon snapped his head in Jooheon’s direction, eyes wide.

“What? How?”

“Byungho was really shaken up after he shot you. He killed me when he confirmed you were dead.”

“Fucking hell.” 

Hyungwon closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. Even though five months had passed since that dream, it still felt too real. Like a memory that left an open wound. 

Jooheon squeezed Hyungwon’s hand and shifted to rest his chin on Hyungwon’s shoulder, looking up at him with a small smile.

“Hey,” he called in a soft voice that made Hyungwon’s insides melt. “it’s over. We’re both here.”

Hyungwon sighed and raised a hand to brush his thumb on Jooheon’s brow before sliding it down his cheek, watching the way he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, the smile Jooheon had on his lips growing bigger. 

“I don’t know how stupid this will sound but I feel like I’ve known you for my entire life.”

Jooheon opened his eyes.

“It’s not stupid,” he whispered. “I feel the same way.” Jooheon chuckled and rubbed his forehead on Hyungwon’s shoulder before looking up at him again. “I’ve been dreaming of you since I was sixteen.”

Hyungwon smiled and moved to pull Jooheon closer, putting a hand over his shoulders. Jooheon went easily, making himself comfortable against Hyungwon’s chest.

“Me too.” he paused and suddenly something came to his mind. “Wait. I have something that belongs to you.”

Jooheon watched with curious eyes as Hyungwon moved both hands to the back of his neck and his eyes widened when he pulled the necklace from where it was hidden beneath his shirt.

“Is that…” Hyungwon smiled and raised the necklace for Jooheon to see the pendant clearly. “Holy shit, it is.”

“It was for sale in an antique shop and I just couldn’t leave it there.” He looked down at the pearl. “I hoped I would be able to give it to you someday.” Hyungwon looked back into Jooheon’s eyes and smiled. “Can I put it on?”

“Hyungwon, I…” Jooheon raised his eyes from the pearl to Hyungwon. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It’s yours, Jooheon. It’s always been.”

Jooheon smiled and his eyes shone with what Hyungwon hoped to be emotions and not actual tears. 

“Okay.”

Jooheon turned and Hyungwon clasped the necklace around his neck. After he was done, Jooheon didn’t hesitate to go back to his previous position against Hyungwon’s chest, who welcomed him with a smile. He looked over Jooheon’s shoulder to the pendant, the white of the pearl contrasting against the black turtleneck Jooheon was wearing. And the sight felt right. That jewel belonged to Jooheon and no one else.

Jooheon pulled at his hand to get Hyungwon’s attention before shifting in place until they were facing each other. When he looked at him, Jooheon’s eyes were already focused on Hyungwon’s face.

“Uhm?”

Jooheon bit his lower lip and frowned, averting his gaze for a total of five seconds before taking a deep breath and looking back up.

“Would you… Can I…” Jooheon groaned in frustration and knocked his forehead on Hyungwon’s shoulder twice before sitting up again. “Can I kiss you?”

Hyungwon’s mouth went slack and he blinked before Jooheon’s request registered in his mind. He smiled, something warm and just unbelievably nice filling his chest and spreading all over his body. 

Hyungwon held Jooheon’s face with both hands, rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks and basking in the feeling of Jooheon’s skin, which he had doubted at some point that he would ever feel again. He leaned down and Jooheon tilted his head up, closing his eyes. Hyungwon did the same and sighed when their lips touched. Hyungwon felt the touch of Jooheon’s fingers on his jaw and slid one of his hands to the back of his head.

Jooheon’s lips were plush and so soft, Hyungwon gave in and kissed his lower lip, pulling it slightly before letting go and kissing him again. Jooheon was the one to press their lips a bit harder and to lick Hyungwon’s lower lip with the tip of his tongue, in a silent request to deepen the kiss.

One kiss turned into two and Hyungwon eventually lost count. They kissed lazily, sweetly and without hurry. Jooheon was warm all over; soft all over, and he fit perfectly in Hyungwon’s arms, just like he knew he would. It felt as if something that had been missing in Hyungwon finally fell into place. 

Jooheon dropped a few close-mouthed kisses on Hyungwon’s lips before pulling away completely with a happy smile on his face.

“I really don’t mean anything with it but do you want to stay the night?” Jooheon asked as he brushed Hyungwon’s hair back from his eyes. “I don’t wanna say bye yet.”

Hyungwon nodded and kissed Jooheon’s jaw.

“Just a head’s up: I hog the blankets.”

Jooheon laughed out loud.

“Oh, believe me. I know.”

“Wait, Heonie. I need to ask you something."

“What is it?”

“Don’t you have any social media!?”