Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was all a hallucination.

It had to have been.

There were no aliens or florpus holes or tiny floating mooses. Meese. Meeses. Focus.

Professor Membrane forced himself back to the task at hand. Literally, his hand. He'd burned out a circuit from firing his experimental energy canon. He'd never expected to actually need to use it, so he hadn't built it to last any extended usage.

But what had he actually fired at, if not a horde of robots? Where did Clembrane come from? Why did his children remember the exact same hallucination in such vivid detail?

Membrane sighed, sat up a little straighter, and allowed himself to consider the possibility that he had been wrong his whole life; That science had been wrong. If Dib was right about everything, then looking back on his interactions with his son it made more sense why Dib had been so desperate for Membrane's pride. All this time he'd been brushing off what Dib knew for a fact to be true. All because Membrane himself was too stubborn to look past a few charts and had assumed Dib to be playing and pretending as children so often did.

Dib was right.

There were aliens.

And florpus holes.

And tiny floating meeses.

Membrane finished rewiring his arm, good as new, and left his worktable. He left his lab entirely, and went to the kitchen where he kept the landline phone. He called the Skool.

"Something came up." He told the Skool staff. "I will be picking up Dib and Gazlene Membrane in about ten minutes."

It was ten minutes later exactly that he had his children in the car, with him.

"Is everything okay, Dad?" Dib asked.

Gaz just grunted a greeting, more interested in her game. That was okay. Membrane knew that she was listening. If anything, she always was more aware of her surroundings when she had one central focus to keep her hands busy.

Membrane took a deep breath.

"I believe you." He said, not missing the way his son gasped. Glancing in the rear view mirror he could see a shine in Dib's eye, a sign of unshed tears. He'd really screwed up… "I'm sorry that I didn't before. I wasn't ready to accept that there was more to the world… All this time you've been trying to show me."

"Finally." Gaz gruffed.

"You really believe me?" Dib asked quietly. "About aliens and ghosts and bigfoot and mothman?"

"Well aliens definitely, but-" Membrane cut himself off as he felt, more than saw, Gaz glaring at him from the backseat. It was a clear warning not to fall into the same pattern as before. "Yes. All of it."

"Zim's an alien!" Dib shouted. "He's been trying to take over Earth for his leaders for years!"

Right. Dib had told him quite a few times how he had foiled Zim's plans over and over. Membrane thought it was a game he'd been playing with his friend at the time but in reality Dib had truly been fighting a deadly force all on his own. How many times had Dib nearly died? A cold shock ran up Membrane's spine.

"I'm going to take care of Zim." Membrane decided aloud. "You won't have to worry about him anymore."

"Wait, what?" Dib was visibly confused.

"Dad's gonna kill Zim. Keep up, dorklord." Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Dorklord is an impolite word."

"Nicer than I could say."

"I suppose that is accurate." Membrane relented. "Dib, I will need you to teach me everything you have learned about Zim."

Chapter Text

Membrane let his son recount all of his encounters with the alien over peppermint tea, the sick feeling in his stomach growing a little stronger every time Dib mentioned something dangerous, which turned out to be most of it. Then he sent his children to bed. He had a lot of work to do.

He made a simplified log of known Irken weaknesses, water and meat juice being the main ones. He marked those in red. A few others were speculated at best. There was also the lawn gnomes to worry about, as well as quite a few weapons with the silliest names Membrane had ever heard. The moose definitely needed to be confiscated and kept somewhere safe.

Dib had said that the robot, usually disguised as a green beagle, was defective and posed no real threat but Membrane would not underestimate technology he didn't understand. Yet. He wouldn't pass up an opportunity to take the robot apart, learn from it, and reverse engineer it. Even improve on it.

The children would be kept out of Skool, Membrane decided. Skool was a legal formality anyway. He knew both of his children were smarter than the majority of the human collective and they very likely knew anything the Skool taught already, but he'd read in a parenting book that homeschooling could stunt a child's social skills. He was getting off track. The children would be safer at home until the Irken was dealt with.

Zim had called the Tallest several times since the Florpus Incident, but couldn't get through. He was starting to accept the fact that they had either died or abandoned him. Well… It wouldn't be the first time he'd been responsible for the deaths of his species' leaders. Zim sighed, finding it hard to care anymore. Putting Earth in the Massive's path was his last good idea and he had come so close to succeeding. If the Dib-thing's parental unit hadn't stepped in, Zim may have finally won.

Now there was no Tallest, no Massive, no plan, and if Gir shoving a waffle into an electrical outlet was any indication, no dignity. The Control Brains had been right to banish him to Foodcourtia and he should have stayed there. He should never have doubted them. What had he even been thinking, defying the Control Brains as he had. No one would blame Zim for giving up, right?

"INTRUDER!" Called the computer, breaking through Zim's thoughts.

"Whatever. It's probably the Dib. Let the lawn gnomes take care of-”

"GNOME SENTRIES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED."

"WHAT?!" Zim shouted, "That's not POSSIBLE!"

GIR started up cackling and screaming in a hysterical panic but Zim ignored him in favor of peeking out a window. He saw nothing aside from the gnomes, headless and sparking dangerously, but useless.

Zim snarled to himself. Dib never destroyed his gnomes so efficiently, but Dib was the only human that ever had the audacity to even try infiltrating his base, so that was who Zim expected. Zim could handle Dib. He extended his PAK legs and climbed up to the ceiling, watching the windows.

"GIR guard the door." Zim ordered.

"Okay!" Gir went to stand in front of the door, just to be pushed aside as it swung open with enough force that the hinges came off track.

Silhouetted against the sunlight outside was the tall labcoated figure of the professor, gloves off and energy canons charging.

"You're not the Dib!" Zim shouted, pointing. "It's rude to break into someone's base while they are having an existential moment, Earth-Filth!"

The professor said nothing, aiming a hand upward. Zim quickly scrambled out of the way. He'd seen what those energy canons could do. Pure blue light ripped a jagged hole in the ceiling right where Zim had been, grazing the voot cruiser stored in the attic.

GIR squealed and threw a muffin at the back of Membrane's head. It bounced off harmlessly, but the split second distraction allowed Zim to board the cruiser. He started the engines, just to lose one in another energy blast. The secondary one was enough to get airborne. He escaped through the hole in the ceiling. GIR tried to follow, but the cruiser was leaving too quickly.

Professor Membrane sighed in disappointment. The alien had escaped, his children may still be in danger, and there was a robot in dog-pajamas projectile crying on his leg.

"Well… Not my goal but he may come to rescue you. I did want to study you anyway." Membrane said, scooping GIR under his arm.

Membrane took the few bits of alien technology he could fit into his pockets and went home. He set GIR in a plexiglass case in the lab, following Dib's advice about the robot being easily pacified with sweets and snacks.

"How do you even eat?" Membrane asked, watching GIR shove a cupcake into his mouth. "Were you built with a digestive system?"

"I think so!" GIR confirmed.

"Why?" Membrane asked.

Dib chose then to step into the lab, though he stayed behind the red line taped to the floor. "I think it's a super basic fuel system." Dib guessed.

"Biology is the best engineer." Membrane agreed. "Zim escaped."

"Are you… really going to kill him?" Dib asked, stepping over the line as he came to the conclusion that there was nothing dangerous going on in the lab at the moment.

"He's a threat to you and your sister. And to earth."

"I think that's giving him too much credit." Dib was quick to interject. "I could usually keep him in check just by myself. If other people just paid attention we could all come together to stop him for good."

"Stop," Membrane repeated. "Not kill?"

"I don't really want Zim dead." Dib shrugged. "At first I wanted to take him apart and show the world but I think even if I did that nobody would really believe me. They'd just think it was special effects or computer rendering."

"That is a very violent scenario…" Membrane adjusted his goggles. "You've been watching horror movies in the dark, haven't you?"

"Just when I can't sleep." Dib said defensively. "That's not even the point. Look, Zim is probably the only person other than you and Gaz that doesn't think I'm crazy. He's like the closest thing I have to a friend."

"An alien whose goal is to annihilate or enslave your planet is a poor choice of a friend, Dib."

"I don't have many options. My classmates don't think."

Chapter Text

It was a little past midnight when a scuffling sound on the roof woke Dib up. A moment later there was a metal tapping sound at his window, which opened. Zim crawled in, looking singed and angry and, oddly, tired.

"Zim?" Dib asked, sitting up and grabbing his glasses.

"Shut up. I don't want to wake up your scary Dad-thing." Zim said quickly, actually managing to whisper. "I'm just here for GIR."

An empathetic part of Dib considered telling Zim where GIR was. Zim was injured and didn't seem particularly fear-inspiring. Still, the last time he had trusted Zim's word the alien had nearly ended reality.

"DAAAD!" Dib called.

"CURSE YOU!" Zim responded, making a dash for the window.

Zim wasn't fast enough. A metal hand caught him by the PAK as he was halfway to freedom and dragged him back indoors. He was quickly trapped in Membrane's arms, writhing and flailing but ultimately getting nowhere.

"I'm here." Membrane said, a bit too cheerfully. "Quick! Get the water sprayer!"

"NOOOOOO" Zim screeched, kicking out and knocking over a lamp.

Dib got the spray bottle and trained it at Zim, who stilled. Membrane carried him down to the lab, Dib following. Both humans had to struggle to shove the alien into his own, somewhat larger plexiglass box right next to the one GIR had been stored in. Dib only had to spray him once to get him to cooperate.

"Hi!" GIR greeted, waving frantically when he saw Zim.

"I should have left you here." Zim scoffed, crossing his arms and sitting back against a clear corner.

The lab was sterile, overly bright and colorless, and had a strong chemical smell. The professor, having been woken up unexpectedly was without his goggles and labcoat and instead wearing light blue pajamas. He had tired eyes and short hair on his face. Zim never did understand facial hair. He'd only seen it on a few of the male humans and he never could figure out what the purpose of it was.

"Don't kill him." Dib said quietly.

"I won't." Membrane said, picking up a thin but sharp metal tool. "There's too much to learn from him!"

Professor Membrane decided not to kill Zim right away. There was too much to learn and besides that he didn't want Dib to be disappointed in him. Thankfully after foiling a few escape attempts, Membrane was sure he could keep the alien and the robot in their respective containment cubes indefinitely. Minimoose hadn't been found, but two out of the three would do for now.

Dib and Gaz were allowed back in Skool since Zim was where Membrane could keep an eye on him, and after Skool let out and they had gotten their homework done Dib would join his father in running tests on Zim. Gaz also sat in occasionally, but she preferred to sit somewhere out of the way and read, draw, or play games. Membrane thought it was very nice to suddenly have a good reason for his children to enjoy his company.

So far they had learned that Irken blood was pink, that they required much less oxygen than humans, and that they needed food that was high in fats and sugars. Their metabolisms were ultra-crazy-fast.

"So that's why you're all obsessed with snacks." Dib mused aloud when they had figured out that last bit.

"Don't pretend human's aren't also obsessed with snacks." Zim huffed.

"I still don't get the water thing…" Dib sighed, leafing through notes. "It's like acid to you but I've seen you drink soda…"

Zim just snorted. "The water in soda is diluted."

Membrane took a glance at the clock on the wall. Ten Thirty. He sighed and shooed his children off to bed, though he was quite happy that Dib's interests had finally found common ground with his own. Paranormal science was turning out to be quite fun! He was almost sad for his son's part in the alien research to be done for the day. Still, there would be tomorrow. For now he was content to keep working on his own. He checked his list; He needed a skin sample next.

"Alright, gloves off!"

"Excuse me?!" Zim's voice cracked in a mix of disgust and shock. "The mighty Zim does NOT remove his gloves for some undeserving filthy human science man. Even if I currently appear to be at your mercy, I have standards."

Membrane was very confused very quickly. GIR only giggled and covered his eyes with his hands which were much smaller than his eyes, making the action largely meaningless. Before he had a chance to ask, Zim just continued to ramble.

"Just because you humans are disgustingly immoral enough to bear your hands to everyone around you. Really, you're like animals. Yuech…"

"Wait." Membrane's mind caught up to him. "Clearly there is a culture difference. I'm trying to get a skin sample from you, nothing more. It will only take a second. Just a quick scrape. Need I remind you, you are alive at my son's request?" Membrane passively threatened, which was a method that had been working so far.

"Absolutely not." Zim said sternly. "Zim would rather die than take his gloves off."

"Suit yourself!" Membrane allowed, but stuck the mechanical scraping tool through one of the box's air holes. He ended up taking the sample forcefully from Zim's face.

Zim screamed as if he expected to be killed for his refusal, but Membrane didn't really care about causing the alien that had repeatedly attacked his children some minor discomfort. The lab was soundproofed and underground anyway, so it wasn't as if he was worried about waking anyone up.

Membrane took the sample, perhaps vindictively larger than he actually needed, straight to his strongest microscope. He was pleased to learn that Irkens were apparently green due to their skin cells housing chloroplasts despite not being plants. He asked Zim if he gained any energy from sunlight, but Zim didn't answer. Instead a clicking noise started up emanating from somewhere in the Irken's chest as he sulked in his corner, a bandaid on his face.

"OooooOOOOH! Somebody's maaaad." GIR helpfully and perhaps accidentally explained. He squished himself up against a plexiglass wall in a futile effort to get close to the Irken. "Does Master need a huuug?"

"No, GIR." Zim hissed.

Chapter Text

At some point Gaz let GIR out of containment. When asked why she had done that, she replied:

"He's funny."

Zim tried getting Gaz to free him as well, but she just rolled her eyes. GIR did try to free the Irken, but had no idea how the cubes actually worked and couldn't focus nearly long enough to figure it out. Seeing this, the Professor allowed GIR to stay out of his cube as long as he was being closely supervised.

A week later, which was an embarrassingly long time to be having the idea, Zim realized that he could fit his PAK legs through the air holes in his cube. The cube was fused to the counter it sat on, so he couldn't go anywhere, but it did allow him the freedom to knock over and destroy quite a few test tubes and expensive machines while the humans were away.

An alarm sounded as the spilled chemicals mixed on the floor, creating thick, dangerous fumes. Zim then gathered a roll of duct tape and used his PAK legs to seal the holes of the cube. He could stay in an airtight space for a long time without suffocating. He knew the humans could not. With any luck, they would be unable to get into the lab to stop him from figuring out an escape plan. Of course he had failed to think far enough ahead to realize with the fumes sealed out, he was sealed in. If he used his PAX legs now they would break the seal he'd made. Frustrated, Zim started up screaming curses at the ceiling.

GIR only scolded him for cursing, and then for some reason decided now was the perfect time to reprise the Doom Song in a jazz style.

The professor descended the stairs into the lab wearing a gasmask. He flipped a switch on the wall, and the noxious fog began filtering out. He then pulled a hose from the wall and sprayed the toxic puddles toward a drain in the floor, then turned the water onto Zim's containment cube.

"You're lucky nothing exploded." Membrane said, muffled by the gasmask. "And lucky I'm prepared for spills." He then noticed the duct tape and let the hose retract back into the wall. "So, how long were you planning to wait us out before you ran out of oxygen?"

"Oh I wouldn't have run out of oxygen." Zim smirked. "I can recycle my own air!"

"How does that work, exactly?"

"HA! Wouldn't YOU like to kn-"

"Oh, wait, no." Membrane cut him off, suddenly remembering the tests he had done on the Irken's skin. "That's what the chloroplasts do. Isn't it?"

Zim squinted, annoyed both at being interrupted and the fact that he had hoped to keep at least some secrets about his biology. He watched as Membrane cleaned up, sweeping broken glass into a dust pan, then checked a digital chart on the wall. He took his gas mask off, eyeing Zim sharply that reminded the Irken of an even more threatening Gaz.

"If I were in your position, I really wouldn't be making a nuisance of myself." Membrane said calmly, then put his goggles on. His tone became more cheerful as he addressed the robot, "Hello GIR! Are you ready for a check up?"

"YAAAAY! I wanna PURPLE candy!" GIR shrieked happily.

"As long as you're good." Membrane said, pressing a code into a keyboard which released the top of GIR's cube.

Membrane helped GIR climb out and sat him on a cleared counter. Membrane opened up the robot's head, grabbing a notebook to sketch out wire paths. He took a thin metal rod with a rubber handle out of a drawer and touched it lightly to some of GIR's inner circuitry, which caused GIR's leg to kick involuntarily. The robot giggled and Membrane took notes.

"Be careful." Zim warned. "I tried fixing him once and he nearly killed me. I had to get help from a silly squid-man."

Membrane hummed an acknowledgement, then resumed his work. He had no intention of fixing the robot, at least not at this time. He just wanted to see how it worked.

"Are squid-men another invasive species like your kind?" Membrane asked.

"Oh no, not at all." Zim said, takong all of the duct tape off of his cube and sticking it all together to form a ball. "I simply took one of your Earth Law Enforcers and replaced his brain with a squid's because he knew too much."

"It was probably an improvement." Membrane chuckled.

"He got eated by SHARKS!" GIR informed.

"To a squid that's just nature." Membrane shrugged.

Zim cocked his head to the side and raised an antennae, "You're very accepting of the fact I brain-swapped and killed a member of your species."

"Police aren't my favorite people." Said Membrane, closing GIR's head and turning him around to open his back and continue his note-taking.

This went on for a while, with Zim bouncing his tape-ball off of the inside of his cube and Membrane writing and drawing out all he could about how GIR functioned.

"Where are the Dib-smelly and the Gaz-monster?" Zim asked after growing incredibly bored with the silence.

"I hardly think the suffixes are necessary." Membrane frowned. "They are at skool, Zim."

"Skool is so useless… I barely learned anything about your planet! Rain was a surprise. I had to learn about human organs from Dib-st-" Zim stopped himself at a look from the professor. "From Dib. The only history you've recorded is about wars with your own species and it's all in books instead of directly placed into your minds and everything is just so…" A younger Zim that still held some belief in himself and his Tallest would never have admitted to not understanding something, but given his latest failure and recent capture, he didn't have the energy to keep fooling himself. "It's all so inefficient and confusing. And your people are so incredibly stupid. I hate this planet."

"Well it is a public skool and you were in fifth grade." Membrane agreed.

Chapter Text

The first time Zim got to leave his containment cube, it was with the understanding that the door only opened by a code he did not know and that the ceiling on either side of the door had been fitted with sprinklers. The lab was underground and so it had no windows. The door was the only real option. Membrane also made sure to change the door code so his children would stay locked out. He didn't want to risk a possible hostage situation.

GIR wasn't in the lab. Instead he was upstairs, playing video games with GAZ.

As soon as his cube opened, Zim made a mad dash for the door anyway. The sprinklers doused him as soon as he touched it, and he fell into the puddle screaming and writhing in agony.

"Surely you understand how you brought that upon yourself." Membrane stated, leaning against the counter and waiting for Zim to dry off and calm down.

Zim hissed and clicked deep in his chest before he finally spoke. "Why free Zim from the prison-box if you're just going to keep me trapped anyway?"

"The box is fine for taking samples but it's no good for anything in depth."

Zim quickly used his PAK legs to attach himself to the ceiling, out of direct reach. "DO NOT DISSECT ZIM!"

"Not that in depth." Membrane clarified. "Get down here."

"What do you plan to do to me?"

"I wanted to take a look at that backpack thing. I thought it was a shell at first but clearly it's mechanical." Membrane moved to a panel and clicked it open, pulling out a joystick. A mechanical arm extended from the center of the ceiling in response to the joystick, and Membrane used it to chase the Irken around the room. "You are only increasing the risk of injury to yourself by not cooperating."

"YOU increased the risk of your own injury by letting me loose!" Zim cackled, right as the arm caught ahold of his foot. "Hey, wait."

"You aren't loose." Membrane corrected, "Just on a longer leash." He guided the arm, holding Zim, toward the counter he had inspected GIR on a few days prior.

Zim flailed and struggled, but was unable to stop Membrane from disconnecting his PAK; Membrane was a much stronger man. Zim was sure the strength difference had to be the prosthetics.

"Oh it just plugs right into your spinal cord? That's smart." Membrane praised the technology as Zim continued to struggle, hissing and clicking.

"All I am is in that! I can't live without my PAK!" Zim screeched.

"Oh, don't so be dramatic." Membrane dismissed, shoving Zim back into his containment cube and shutting the lid quickly before the irken could scuttle back out. "I'll give it back after I draw out a blueprint of everything in it."

"That will take too long!"

"It's not like you'll be late for any appointments." Membrane shrugged, and punched in the code for the door so he could take the PAK upstairs.

Membrane decided to take the PAK upstairs for two reasons. Firstly, because he could guess that Zim would be distracting to work around by loudly demanding his equipment back. Second, because Membrane knew his son would absolutely want to take a look. Drawing out the blueprints would come first though. No distractions

Zim was left by himself, already feeling disgusting and weak, watching his lifeclock tick away the nine minutes and twenty-two seconds he had left.

The PAK was jumpy and difficult to get to stay still, but manageable once the initial surprise of the plugs wore off. They stopped trying to find a body to plug into, however, once Membrane figured out how to get it open. Professor Membrane had only started the outline of the PAK when Dib found him at the table. He squawked at the sight of it, stepping back quickly as he realized what it was.

"Oh my god, Dad. Why do you have that?" Dib asked, pointing at the contraption.

"The plugs have a limited range, don't worry!" Membrane said cheerfully. "They can only stretch about eighteen inches."

"That's not what worries me." Dib shook his head. How long have you had this up here?"

"A few minutes." Membrane shrugged. "Don't you want to look at it?"

Dib merely groaned, closing the PAK up and holding it at arm's length away from himself, ignoring his father's surprised protests. He practically ran downstairs, only to be stopped at the door. At the wrong code being inputted, the sprinkler above the door turned on.

"You changed the code?!" Dib huffed.

"48-49-21-36" Membrane called, following at a slower pace.

Dib punched in the new set of numbers and the water stopped. He ran into the lab.

Zim was curled up on his side, shaking and visibly struggling to breathe. His skin looked almost grey and his eyes were a dull maroon instead of their usual vibrant ruby. He didn't even react to Dib's sudden presence. There was also an awful smell from where he'd lost the contents, and possibly the lining from the looks of it, of his stomach in the corner of the cube.

Dib punched the same code from the door into the computer for both cubes, moving Zim into GIR's cube. It was smaller, but at least it was clean. He dropped the PAK in, then closed it quickly. It reconnected to the ports in Zim's back, and Zim started to breathe easier.

"Four… seconds…" Zim huffed, turning to glare at the professor. "FOUR SECONDS!" He repeated, banging a fist against the plexiglass.

"He didn't know, Zim." Dib tried to defend.

"Zim TOLD him!" Zim shouted.

"I thought he was being dramatic!" Membrane raised his hands defensively.

"That's a fair point but you still need to listen to people!" Dib huffed.

Membrane looked at his son, then back at Zim. He sighed, then apologized.

Zim sighed, shook his head, and pushed himself to stand as much as he could in the cube. His glare softened, just the smallest bit, and he turned to Dib.

"Thank you." Said Zim, in a tone that made it sound like the words were bitter. "Well, to avoid this again… There are blueprints in Zim's base. Dib knows how to get in, regrettably."

Chapter Text

It was ridiculously easy to get into Zim's base with the gnomes in pieces. There was a hole in the roof and a few spaces of wall were burned. The place was a wreck and the robotic "parents" didn't even leave their closets when he opened the door. Dib actually felt a little bad when he saw the destruction. Dib didn't feel comfortable lingering in the living room, so he went quickly to the kitchen and flushed himself down the toilet and into the chute.

Dib ended up dropping into the observatory, sparing an appreciative glance at the telescope and making a mental note to use it later when he had the time. He crossed a few rooms into the maintenance room. He pulled out several drawers until he found where all the blueprints were stored. The one for PAKs was near the top of the pile and he placed it in his briefcase. He then considered the likely possibility that his father would want to see all of the pages, so he stuffed his briefcase full and then hurried back home.

Dib wasted no time bringing his briefcase down to the lab, only sparing a wave to GIR and Gaz who were still on the couch. Membrane looked through the blueprints when Dib handed them over, humming thoughtfully at each one before making a neat stack.

"I can't read any of this." Membrane admitted.

Zim started to laugh from inside GIR's cube. "Of course you can't! It's in irkish."

"Well you'll just have to translate it." Said Membrane.

"Zim doesn't have to do anything." Zim said, crossing his arms and clicking. "Especially after you nearly killed me."

"You're the one who sent me to go get these!" Dib pointed out.

Zim glared, but for once refrained from giving in to the urge to argue. He didn't want to admit that he was tired. Sure, with his PAK safely back on his back he was physically okay, but nearly dying had just mixed with everything else that had happened; The Tallest admitting that his mission on Earth was a lie, nearly being consumed by the florpus and failing that plan too, the tallest actually being consumed by the florpus, being caught by a human of all the indignities, and now this. It was exhausting but of course Zim couldn't just say that. If he admitted to any weakness then that would make it real.

"I'm not telling you stupid humans irken secrets for free." Zim huffed, hiding his exhaustion with bravado. "Bring me nachos or something. No meat and no beans."

Dib looked like he was prepared to argue, but Membrane just nodded.

"Of course. You must be hungry after… Dib would you mind?"

Dib squinted, but left the basement to do as he was told. Zim was pleased, but confused. He expected more of a fuss. Being in a box, the smaller box even, was no place to be making demands from and he was surprised to be getting away with it anyway.

Membrane watched his son go, then began the task of cleaning out Zim's cube. "I am sorry, Zim."

"Liar." Zim huffed. "A scientist doesn't waste time apologizing to a lab-squeeb."

"I'm going to guess that is your equivalent to a lab-rat." Membrane said as he disconnected the cube from where it had been stuck and dumped it into a bio-waste bin. "I know I've made a few threats but I honestly didn't mean to harm you. I just get so excited when there's something new to learn, but that's no excuse. I should have listened."

"Yes. You should have." Zim agreed, but continued to sulk.

Membrane continued to clean in silence, the sharp smell of the bleach stinging at Zim's antennae. Eventually Dib came back down with a plate of nachos, followed by GIR who was carrying an additional thirty pounds of the stuff.

"GIR met Foodio and got carried away…" Dib explained.

"Well at least there's plenty to go around. Make sure Gaz gets some too." Membrane reminded.

"Already did. You know how she gets when she's hungry." Dib shuddered, dropping off the nachos and taking GIR back upstairs with him.

"You let your kids eat cheese?" Zim questioned. "They're smeets!"

"I don't understand half of what you just said or why you're so concerned." Membrane raised a brow.

"Oh don't worry about it. I forgot for a second that nearly everything you humans eat has cheese or milk in it. No wonder so many of you are brainless." Zim huffed.

A few hours and four plates of nachos later, Professor Membrane had been able to add to his biology notebook on irkens with the new knowledge that cheese, and perhaps all dairy, affected irkens in a similar way that alcohol affects humans. Zim was even more talkative about nothing that really mattered, slurring his words, and unable to sit up straight. It was almost cute, in a sad and bizarre sort of way.

"I want to go home." Zim said suddenly, after finishing a rant about how difficult it was to keep GIR out of trouble.

Membrane swapped his biology notebook for his notebooks on astrology and culture. He wasn't about to waste an opportunity.

"What is your home planet like?"

"It's drier." Zim answered easily, leaning sideways against the plexiglass and hooking a gloved claw into one of the air holes. "And colder. The sky is orange in the day and purple at night. Your nights are so dark but Irk has three moons and star light reflects off of the rings…"

Membrane doodled a little ringed planet, three dots around it. "And what about the weather?"

"Fog would happen sometimes but only on warmer days." Zim rested his head against the wall of the cube, closing his eyes. "There were a lot of factories. And eateries. The smeeteries were underground, but there were doors where a new irken would come out, ready to join everyone else. To work. To be useful." Zim's antennae drew back tightly against his head. "I just wanted to be useful."

Membrane frowned, putting his notes away.

Zim wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but when he woke he was back in the bigger cube nestled into a thick blanket. Even stranger, the top of the cube was open. He looked around, confused but the lab was empty and the lights were off, save for one night light plugged into the wall casting the room in a soft purple glow.

Chapter Text

By the time Membrane went back into his lab, Zim was out of his cube, sitting on the examination counter. He was hunched over, scribbling over about half of the blueprints. Focused on his task, he didn't even try to rush the door as it opened.

"What are you doing?" Membrane asked, setting down a tray full of sugary cereal and a steaming tea set.

Zim's left antenna twitched, "Translating." He looked up, appearing quite tired. "That is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Membrane nodded, stepping closer to look at the papers. "You've misspelled… almost everything…"

"Your language has far too many spelling rules. I can speak it better than I can write it. Surely you can figure it out phonetically." Zim snarked, but the usual fire in his voice had gone out.

Membrane pulled his desk chair from his computer to the counter and sat down in it, rolling closer. "How did you learn english?"

Zim reached over his own shoulder and tapped a gloved claw against his PAK. "Universal translator. It can find patterns after hearing just a few sentences, then it recreates a language and sends it directly to the speech center of my brain through my nervous system. It usually only takes a few seconds, but english took almost an entire minute."

"That's so useful!"

"Why did you release me from the cube?" Zim asked, putting down the pen he'd been using and tossing the papers aside. He grabbed a handful of cereal, but didn't eat it. "Zim is dangerous!" He hissed, baring his oddly shaped teeth. "You had me contained at your mercy and then suddenly just…" He gestured angrily to the night light plugged into the wall and the blanket in the box. A piece of the cereal fell out of his hand and rolled onto the floor. "What is the meaning of this? Is this pity?!"

"My thought process was more along the lines of 'peace offering.'" Membrane shrugged. "You're capable of being a threat, sure. But you're also homesick and neglected and I would be a hypocrite if I didn't believe in second chances."

Zim made an odd sound somewhere between a retch and a sneeze.

"You also may be the only person on the planet I can have an intelligent conversation with aside from my children. In some respects you may even be smarter than me."

"I am smarter." Zim huffed. "I'm an irken. Irkens are superior in every conceivable way."

"Debatable. We'll see." Membrane said sharply before becoming cordial once more. "Would you like some tea?"

Zim grimaced, but nodded and finally ate the cereal he'd been holding.

After school let out and Dib and Gaz go home, GIR squealed and brought them both an enormous pile of waffles. Foodio was huddled in the corner looking almost catatonic. He was clearly having to work more than he'd been built for. Dib had enough empathy to feel guilty for taking a waffle to eat while he did his homework. Gaz, however, had no such reservations and took an entire stack.

"Hey GIR. I heard Bloaty's is doing a sweepstakes soon for a three year supply of pizza. They're putting keys in specific boxes. You have x-ray vision, right?" Gaz asked.

"Don't use GIR to cheat!" Dib protested.

"Can I have some of the pizza!?" GIR asked, uncaring or perhaps unaware that his abilities could be used in such a way.

"Yeah, sure." Gaz said, ignoring her brother.

Dib smacked himself in the forehead and sighed, resigned to being the only law-abiding person in the house. He finished his homework quickly, since it was only math which was his best subject, then went to search for the tv remote he and Gaz had an unspoken and annoying game of hiding from one another. He found it inside a vent in the ceiling and turned the channel to a rerun of mysterious mysteries. It was an episode about vampiric doughnuts, one he'd unfortunately missed the first airing of.

A few minutes passed of people talking about doughnuts filled with blood as 'proof' even though it turned out to be just red jelly. Regardless, Dib watched it even knowing it wasn't one of the real ones. It was still fun to think about.

Another span of time passed where the episode ended and another about Bigfoot began, clearly a marathon was scheduled, when the couch dipped as Membrane sat down next to his son. Dib looked over, surprised but pleased that his father finally seemed to be taking an interest in something he enjoyed. He smiled and leaned against his father's side.

"You've been home a lot more." Dib pointed out on a commercial break. "It's nice to see you in person instead of through a screen all the time."

"I haven't been here for you enough." Membrane agreed, "I'm trying to change that."

"You've been away from work for weeks now, though." Dib pointed out.

"I still own Membrane Labs." Membrane shrugged, "An extended vacation is overdue anyway and I am still working. I'm just putting you and your sister first. I should have been doing that in the first place and it was wrong of me to ever do otherwise."

Membrane ruffled Dib's hair and they settled as the show continued. Occasionally Membrane would ask about the cryptid in question and Dib would explain why he thought of it as real or fake, having surprisingly sound reasoning. Membrane conceded that there were new species being discovered all the time. Gaz also joined them after a while to listen to the television while she played on her old game slave, only partially pretending she wasn't there purely to quietly enjoy her family's company.

GIR stayed in the kitchen, cackling wildly as he requested more and more junk food from the cowering Foodio.

Chapter Text

Of all things to be fascinated by, Zim thought that his teeth were not as interesting as the rest of him. Not that he wanted the rest of himself poked and prodded with the oddly bent metal objects. After living in the Membrane basement lab for nearly two months, he was getting used to being a living science project. At least nobody had cut him open. He was also allowed to study humans, so he believed it to be a fair trade of knowledge.

"Fascinating!" Membrane said, tilting the mirror tool he was using, "Your teeth are finely serrated toward the back. Dib, come look!"

"I've seen Zim's teeth, Dad." Dib answered, but stood to get a closer look anyway. "Oh, now I see what you mean… jeez, Zim. What do your people eat?"

Zim glared at Dib before spitting out the tool and pushing himself away. "Snacks. You already know this."

"We mean we're wondering what your species eats naturally." Membrane clarified, putting the tools into a flash sanitizer. "But! Don't tell us right away."

"Why not?" Zim asked, taking a near napkin and wiping his mouth free of drool.

"I am a scientist. I like to make hypotheses." Membrane waved his hand, then drew a basic outline of Zim's teeth. "Plus Dib is here to make educated guesses with me! Dib, what's the first thing you notice?"

"Um… No molars?"

"No molars!" Membrane agreed, jotting down a note. "So whatever irkens naturally eat, they don't need to chew it."

"I chew things." Zim huffed, defensively.

"Not efficiently." Membrane replied, prompting a quickly aborted chuckle from Dib. "What animals also have serrated teeth and no molars?"

"Sharks." Dib answered quickly. "So… Irkens are predators. That makes sense, given the galactic conquering…"

"Apex predators." Zim specified, taking the opportunity to boast.

"Still can't determine what you actually are supposed to be eating without knowing what kind of animals live on Irk." Dib pointed out. "I doubt it's fish, though, given your sensitivity to water."

"To be perfectly clear it's the filth in your earth water that stings." Zim grimaced, the ends of his antennae curling inward in discomfort at the mere thought of the unsanitary planet he was effectively stuck on. "You are correct about irkens not eating fish. We evolved from a subterranean species, not an aquatic one."

"So you live underground…" Membrane mused aloud, thoughtful.

"No!" Zim shook his head. "Only smeets live underground! Zim is a fully grown soldier."

"Dude, eighty percent of your base is underground." Said Dib.

"It saves room, obviously." Zim's antennae twitched, he was growing irritated. "We were talking about primitive irken hunting. Stay on track."

"Wait!" Membrane said sharply, "Earlier we determined your species eats mainly sugars and carbs. If you eat meat then you would have a much higher requirement for proteins."

"It's not a need for meat." Zim said, shaking his head. "I'm just going to tell you so we can move on. This is getting annoying and Zim is above such tediousness." He reached over to grab a piece of paper and a pen and drew a very basic picture of what looked like a bloated tick with far too many legs and no eyes. "This is a roweef beetle. It eats very sweet roots that are toxic to irkens."

"Everything is toxic to you, isn't it?"

"Shut up. Inside of its horrible, bulbous body the roots would liquidize and become safe to consume. Then primitive irkens would bite and drain the liquid."

"Oh my god you're like a vampire bug." Dib took the drawing and turned it, looking at it from every perspective he could. "How big was this thing?"

"A few meters wide."

"What."

"Zim has never even seen a roweef beetle in person. They're extinct now. Once irkens learned to process their own food from other sources there was no need to preserve the species. It was more efficient to manufacture snacks than to keep up the roweef farms." Zim explained, opening the steaming sanitizer to remove the dental tools. "Alright, my turn!"

"Don't remove anything." Dib warned, squinting.

"Actually, son, I'll take this one. You have school tomorrow and it's getting late. Hop to bed! And make sure your sister is actually sleeping and not playing her game slave under her blanket where she thinks we can't see the light through it." Membrane never specifically said it, but if Zim was going to study any of the family he preffered it to be himself.

"You know she's just going to continue playing after I check, right?"

"It's the effort that counts!"

You could confiscate the game." Zim pointed out.

"That's how fratricide happens." Dib replied dryly as he left the lab.

Membrane did have to go back to work eventually. He made sure to come home every night for dinner, and stay long enough to see his children off to school the next morning, but he didn't have as much energy. Sometimes Zim would wait days in the lab by himself, bored and wondering if this was a new experiment to see how long irkens could go without social interaction. Or snacks. Or any real form of enrichment. Membrane would come down sometimes to give him food and apologize for not checking in more, but would be gone again in minutes.

Zim was not one to be discouraged, but he definitely was one to be very, very petty. About ten days into being entirely ignored he started to dismantle the computer, the microscope, and a metal cutter to start constructing a small but complex droid that was supposed to help him open the door without triggering the sprinkler system.

Supposed to.

All it actually managed to do was chip away a small patch of metal at the corner of the door. It ran out of power before it even had a hole big enough to fit through. Zim grumbled and modified it so he could plug it into the wall, but then it couldn't even reach the wall.

"Curse you, inferior earth technology!" Zim hissed, kicking the powered down droid which only accomplished hurting his foot on the hard surface. He fell sideways onto the floor and wailed in anger, clicking loudly before growing tired. He willed a switch in his PAK to turn, opening his comms line to GIR. "GIR! Have you figured out how to open the door yet?"

"You turn the handle?" GIR's voice answered, clearly not grasping the full question.

"The laboratory door, GIR." Zim specified, running his claws over his face.

"Oh!" GIR giggled for entirely too long before continuing in a screech. "You gotta push the buttons!"

"Yes!" Zim sat up. "Do you know which buttons to push?"

"Um… 1… 7…" GIR answered, thinking so hard that Zim could practically hear the circuits frying. "Tuesday…"

"You don't really know, do you?" Zim sighed.

"Nooo…" GIR pouted.

"That's fine. We'll figure something out." Zim conceded, and decided not to think about the fact that this was his only escape attempt in weeks, and only because he was feeling ignored again.

Chapter Text

Where is your father?" Zim azked, confused when Dib was the one to bring him his food for the morning. "I've been down here alone for a week! Is this punishment for the computer?" Zim tried to sound in control, but he actually did feel a bit guilty about taking apart so much equipment just for his idea to fail. It was an unfamiliar feeling. Unpleasant.

"The compu-?" Dib began, before noticing the droid and the leftovers of mechanical clutter. "Oh. No. He doesn't even know about the computer yet. He had to go out of town to some important business thing."

"Well is he coming back?"

Dib's eyebrow raised, finding the question odd coming from the alien. Despite the fact they'd all been getting along a little better, he just had to take the opportunity to tease. "An invader needs no one, huh?"

"Zim doesn't!" Zim protested quickly, realising after the fact just how needy he'd sounded. "I am just… bored."

"Sure." Dib grinned, uncovering the bowl of spaghetti noodles covered in powdered sugar. "I can't believe you can eat this disaster but you can't eat beans."

"I can't believe how grotesquely disproportionate your head is." Zim shot back.

Dib overturned the bowl of sugary noodles onto the floor. "Enjoy your breakfast, I'm going to skool." He huffed, taking the droid with him as he left Zim alone once more.

After the fact, Zim wondered why he hadn't even tried to make a run for the door. Dib could have opened it for him with some threatening. Zim had his PAK legs and could have easily gotten through the door fast enough as Dib was leaving. At the very least he could have stopped Dib from taking the droid. He had done none of those things.

For the next few hours, Zim laid on the floor and contemplated all of his life's decisions that had lead him to this point. Then, after he had spent what he decided was enough time feeling sorry for himself, he sat up and scooped the noodles back into the bowl. Normally he would never eat off the floor, but this lab was even cleaner than his own.

The lack of escape attempts by Zim was troubling Dib. Zim had had so many chances since being allowed out of his cube. So far, the only evidence that Zim even wanted to leave was the small digging droid, a few badly hidden remote conversations with GIR, and that one tantrum when he had knocked over everything and accidentally wound up filling the lab with chlorine gas.

Caught in his thoughts, Dib barely paid attention in class. He was already ahead of all of his classmates academically anyway, so it didn't really matter. He flew through the pop quiz that Ms. Bitters gave them and turned his paper over to doodle on it. First he drew a classically styled ufo, then Tak's ship, then the Voot cruiser, and then his dad's car which was awfully boxy compared to the round shapes of the vehicles.

After school ended Dib waited outside for Gaz to join him so they could walk home. The walk didn't happen though, as Professor Membrane pulled the car into the parent pick-up loop just before Gaz left the building. Concerningly, he was driving one-handedly.

"Where's your arm?" Gaz asked while Dib was still processing the sight.

"In the trunk." Membrane answered, "Seatbelts!"

The children clipped themselves into their seats.

"Did something explode again?" Dib wondered aloud.

"Very good hypothesis, but no. Someone turned o the MRI without shutting the door all the way and I was standing just at the border of too close. It was safer to detach my arm rather than wait for someone else to turn the machine off. Both the arm and the machine are… Very broken. But luckily it means I get to be home early again!"

"Cool." Gaz muttered, more sincere than she sounded.

"You could've gotten hurt!" Dib said, horrified.

"But I'm not. I'm fine!" Membrane dismissed quickly and cheerfully.

"Did you stand too close and leave the door on purpose?" Gaz asked after some thought.

"I can't confirm or deny that."

"Dad… don't get yourself hurt just so you can spend time with us." Dib mumbled. "We're okay."

"I was careful." Membrane shrugged and decided to redirect the conversation, much to Dib's annoyance. "Any thoughts for dinner on the way home? Foodio needs a break."

Gaz quickly suggested Bloaty's and since Dib was still trying to process the fact his father had basically admitted to letting a giant spinning magnet rip off his arm just to be able to go home early. It was an improvement on the Being There portion of parenting but it wasn't the best step in regards to basic self-preservation instinct.

"Dad, are you okay? Really."

Membrane nodded, but didn't answer verbally. It was all the answer Dib needed.