Chapter Text
Jake Peralta is straight.
Or at least that what he’s always thought.
But maybe he’s not.
-
It all started when Jake was seven years old. He and Gina were hanging out on this epic playground with a jungle gym and a swingset. They were sitting on the swings, which had stopped being swings long ago. Right now they were the seats to a heated debate about one particular boy.
“Okay look, Gina, I’m not even trying to argue if he is cute or not. We both know he is. I just don’t see how you could not like, like-like him! He like, like-likes you! “
“See, Jakey, that’s where you’re wrong! He’s not cute at all!”
“Oh you know he is. Stop lying!”
Jake almost shouted.
“Calm down, dude, it’s almost as if you like, like-like him.”
Jake gasped. He made movement as if he could physically throw away the accusation and sighed.
“This is dumb. Wanna get ice cream?”
“If that’s a question you need to ask me, then you’re dumb.”
-
When Jake was 11 years old he had a friend. His name was Eddie Fung. To Gina’s annoyance, Jake spent all of his time with Eddie. Jake and Eddie were like best friends. They had inside jokes and games only they understood. They had sleepovers and talked about everything. They were both obsessed with the movie ‘Die Hard’ and were frequently found by one of their mothers re-enacting the entire movie.
Jake liked Eddie.
He liked hanging out with him. He liked his company and he strangely liked knowing, recognising and responding to all his little habits and quirks. Jake liked being around Eddie and he liked it when he could make him laugh.
Yeah, Jake liked Eddie.
Gina gave Jake shit for it, though. She’d constantly tease him and refer to Eddie as his boyfriend. Jake thought she must be jealous, because he’d been spending all of his time with Eddie instead of with her. Because really he didn’t like him like that. He wasn’t gay or anything like that. Eddie was just his best friend.
And he liked him.
(But not like-like.)
-
And then they were thirteen. And Jake like-liked a girl. And Eddie did, too. Which would have been fine, if this girl hadn’t been one and the same girl.
Jenny Gildenhorn.
Eddie liked her first. And he was talking about her so much that Jake started to notice her, too. Eddie told Jake how he liked her laugh and the next day Jake looked over at Jenny and he realised Eddie was right, she did have a cute laugh.
Then Eddie told Jake how he liked Jenny’s freckles and the next day Jake looked at her and holy shit this adorable girl did have freckles!
So Jake might not have liked her first, but when he fell for her, he fell hard.
(Or maybe he fell for her because Eddie did and he was scared he’d lose his friend if he didn’t like her, too, not that he’d ever say that.)
Jake talked to Jenny first, though.
And he asked her if she’d like to come to his bar mitzvah.
She did.
Excited about his date Jake told Eddie. And Eddie was mad. He stormed out of the room and yelled. He told Jake that he stole her from him and he accused him of not even liking her. Jake was sad, because why couldn’t his friend be happy for him? Why couldn’t this amazing, funny dude who was his best friend be happy for him?
And then the big day, the day of Jake’s bar mitzvah. He and Eddie hadn’t made up yet and it worried him. He also hadn’t seen Jenny anywhere yet.
And then it happened.
Jake saw them both at the same time.
And neither of them saw him.
It was at that moment, for the first time in Jake’s short life that he was all out of love. Which, ironically, was the song that was playing while he saw Jenny Gildenhorn slowdance with his now ex-best friend, Eddie Fung.
“I don't want to say I told you so, but I told you so” Gina later remarked.
-
All through high school Jake didn't like anyone, or at least he tried not to, in fear of reliving his bar mitzvah. Gina didn't date either, but that was simply “because none of these buffoons meet my standards.” Or at least that's what she claimed.
They were sixteen when Gina told Jake the real reason she didn't date anyone.
The pair of them was once again sat on the swingset, which they had outgrown years ago. However they still found ways to squeeze their bodies into the tiny seats. Jake was trying to fly as high as he possibly could, while Gina sat with one of her legs tucked underneath her swaying from side to side slowly.
“Jake.” Gina softly said.
He swung by. He hadn't heard her.
“Jake!” Gina exclaimed, now louder.
Jake’s swinging came to an abrupt stop mid swing and he turned his head, eyes a little unfocused.
“Yes, m’lady?”
“You're an idiot, you know that?”
Jake just grinned.
“Yeah so there’s something I kinda wanna talk to you about, I guess.”
Gina shuffled her foot in circles on the ground. Jake had never seen her like this. She seemed nervous, twitchy even. Not words you would usually use to describe the legendary Gina Linetti.
“Are you okay?” He asked, a little worried. “Did something happen? Did my dad leave? Again? That’s funny, because he already left. Haha. I’m not scarred for life because of that. Haha.”
Jake’s words fell into the empty space that had grown between them in only a few seconds. Gina took a deep, loud breath, visibly shaking.
“Jake.”
“My dad didn’t leave because of me. I know.”
Gina interupted him.
“No, man, I’m a lesbian.”
“Oh.”
Gina closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. It was not going as she had planned and Jake knew. But no one had ever told him they were gay before, so he didn’t really know how to react. Was he supposed to make a joke? Or tell her he loved her? He’d rather do the former, because making jokes out of serious situation is what he did best. They should really teach you this in school he thought.
“Would you please say something other than ‘oh’?”
Gina herself wasn’t shaking anymore, but her voice still was.
“I don’t really know what to say.”
Gina lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She looked like her normal self again, legendary and all that. And the cold atmosphere between them disappeared as fast as it had arrived.
“Do you hate me?”
Gina’s voice was steady and demanding now.
“I could never hate you. Unless you kill someone. Then I might. But maybe that person was an asshole and they deserved it, then I wouldn’t hate you either.”
Jake spoke fast and a little bit incoherently.
“If you steal my girl I will probably be unhappy with you, but I won’t hate you. So, no I don’t hate you. And I will use my big fighting skills on anyone who does hate you. But you know that right?”
Gina laughed.
“Your ‘big fighting skills’, right, with those noodle arms!”
“Be careful or I’ll use these big, highly trained arms on you.”
Jake lifted his fists in a very undangerous looking way and swung them at her playfully. She laughed harder and shoved his hands aside.
“For real though, dude, thanks, your support means a lot to me.”
“Duh.”
Was all he said, but deep down a tiny little voice began to whisper. And it whispered about all the things he didn’t want to know. It softly told him how much his support meant to Gina. It reminded him of his dad, before he left. It reminded him of Eddie Fung and Jennie Gildenhorn. It quietly spoke about the boy in his English class and the girl in his calculus class. The tiny voice told about the things he had seen on the news and the things he’d heard his classmates say. Jake had to hear the tiny voice talk almost silently about his dad and all the things he could and couldn’t remember him saying.
Jake didn’t tell anyone about the tiny voice deep down, because he barely even noticed it was there most of the time. And even when he did notice he didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to know. It was fine where it was, tucked away deep, deep down, somewhere far away.
Tucking it away didn’t make it go away, though.