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“There’s...something I’ve noticed about you.”
“We’ve known eachother for two decades, I’d be concerned if you didn’t know me just as well as I know myself, if not better.”
Aloe snorts. “You know what I mean. Thing is, you never feel anything at the level a normal person does. You’re never just happy, you’re ecstatic. You’re never just nervous, you’re panicking. You’re never just angry, you’re furious.”
“Yeah, and what about it?”
“When I brought you back...it was like you didn’t feel anything . Hell, almost as if you weren’t really sentient! You just sat there and stared at the wall, didn’t even respond to your own name, occasionally muttering something, half the time, it was in Arabic, and when it was in English, it was complete nonsense.”
“...Wow.”
“It broke my heart just looking at you. It was my fault you were like that, and I was so sad and felt so guilty and wanted to help you so badly but I wasn’t sure how...I didn’t want you to suffer because of me, so I kinda...powered you down for a few weeks until I could get my proverbial shit together and help you properly.”
“Understandable. Grief is a bitch.”
“...What’s it like? Being a robot, I mean. I want to know what to expect when I inevitably transcend from this flesh prison.” He chuckles a bit. “And...y’know, I was kinda wondering...what I did to you...what it feels like.”
Cyborg looks back at the opposite wall and sighs. “It’s...cold. Cold and weird and uncomfortable . And I can’t...feel things very well. Like there’s nerve damage all over my body...it’s annoying, but it’s nothing compared to what it was like when I first woke up like this.”
“What...did it feel like?”
“I...I had no idea whatsoever what was happening. I didn’t know who you were, where or who I was--I couldn’t remember my own name , for fuck’s sake. All I knew was that I had forgotten something, and that I was in pain...a lot of pain.”
“Pain?”
“Yeah...before you fixed my tactile sensors, everything was all scrambled, and it hurt...it hurt like something was setting off tiny bombs all over my body, just under my skin. But...it also felt really dulled and fuzzy. Like I was wrapped in something heavy and thick and suffocating, and that something was separating me from the world...and I thought that if I could rip it off...if I could just rip it off...”
“Yeah, you did rip it off.”
“I did?”
“Mhm. You got ahold of something sharp and tore off some of the plating on your right hand. You don’t remember?”
“...No, I don’t. I actually don’t really remember all that much from when I first woke up...apart from a general feeling, it’s mostly a blur.”
“Figured as much. Had to fix that during the augmentations, haha...” He lets out a sad sigh. “What else?”
“It was like...” Cyborg pauses. They can’t find the words quite yet. “Imagine living your life in a perpetual state of that groggy feeling you get after waking up from a nap that lasted too long. Talking...felt more like vomiting static. I felt like everything was...slightly to the left, like I wasn’t really there. Dissociation, I think that’s what it’s called? It...it was scary . I was terrified and confused and miserable .”
“I’m...so sorry. I really fucked up, didn’t I...”
“...I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Yeah, you fucked up my body.” They chuckle weakly. “I’m alright now, though.”
“Well, that’s good.” Aloe sighs in relief.
“...When you fixed my body, the fog was mostly gone. I was grateful for that, but I still couldn’t remember shit. Still didn’t know who I was. Still didn’t know who you were, where we were, what the fuck was happening. Like I said, I was spaced out most of the time. I knew my name by that point, but pretty much nothing else...and then you started the upgrades. Those...I was not a fan of those. At all.”
“Why didn’t you say anything, then?”
“Looking back, I’m not too sure. Maybe I knew you meant well, maybe I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to be in pain...I was essentially a child. A child doesn’t know when they’re being mistreated. A child doesn’t know that hurting someone is a bad way to express your love for them. You coulda told me anything you wanted and I prob’ly woulda believed it...you could still power me down and do anything you wanted to me and I would have no idea. If I run out of battery, I am completely at the mercy of whoever is around me. It’s scary , knowing that if I run out of battery or my system crashes while I’m completely alone, it’s possible that I’ll never wake up again...”
Cyborg starts tearing up and turns away from their friend. Yeah, they’ve known him since the fourth grade, the two were college roommates, and Cyborg died in Aloe’s arms, but they always absolutely despised other people seeing them cry. “It’s scary, having to rely on other people for your own survival. It’s scary, knowing that at any moment, something could go wrong with my system and I could be out for who-knows-how-long. I know you’d never hurt me, but being an android is scary . I’m scared .”
Aloe wraps his arms around Cyborg because they clearly need it. “You’d take it over the alternative in a heartbeat, right?”
A single tear rolls down Cyborg's cheek. “Yeah.” And they start laughing. Both of them start laughing, and they can’t stop, and Cyborg takes off into the air and drags Aloe up with them, and they both hit their heads on the ceiling, but they don’t care, they just keep laughing. Even after they both land, they keep on laughing.
“Hey. You know I love you, yeah?” Aloe smiles at Cyborg.
“I love you, too, get over here, you little shit!” Cyborg grabs Aloe in a hug that’s too tight, and they both start laughing again.
It was the happiest that either of them had been in a long time.