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I always get to patrols early. They’re the best part of my day, so can you blame me? Even when My Lady is all business, just seeing her, reminding myself that she’s still there, not just some angel that only appears when Paris is in need. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, I imagine what she might be doing. The image is always kind of blurry, especially around the face, but I can see her smile. I like to think she smiles a lot when she’s in her civilian form.
I’m late to patrol today, for the first time in a while. Between worrying about Marinette, trying to complete everything on my busy schedule, and recovering from the akumatization scare this afternoon, I ended up having to sprint across the rooftops to get to our meeting place, and even then the sun was already setting by the time I arrived. As I neared the rooftop, I saw Ladybug’s silhouette, and adjusted my trajectory to land behind her. I gracefully touched down on the roof, an apology on the tip of my tongue when I heard a tiny, choked sob.
I froze. In all the time we’d spent as partners, Ladybug had never cried in front of me. My first instinct was to reach out, wrap my arms around her and just hold her until the tears subsided. But I knew she’d never let me. She’s too darn stubborn. It’s one of her many annoyingly cute qualities.
Instead I cleared my throat quietly, trying not to startle her. She jumped anyway, instantly calling up a fake smile as she turned to look at me.
“Hey Kitty,” she said, her voice breaking a little. She cleared her throat and continued, “I didn’t hear you land.”
I had a killer cat pun ready to go, but the tears lingering in her eyes made me hesitate.
“You know, you can tell me if something’s wrong Ladybug,” I say softly, forgoing the usual nicknames to convey how serious I am.
She looks at me for a moment and I can see how scared she is. How alone. For a moment I almost think she’ll crack and finally let herself be vulnerable. Let herself be loved.
But the moment passes and she presses her lips together, no longer meeting my eyes. “You and I both know that’s not true,” she says looking almost disappointed, “Our identities—“
“Then don’t tell me” I say. She looks up at me, surprised. I don’t think I’ve ever interrupted her before, not like this. “You don’t have to tell me what happened, just” I pause, grasping for the right words, trying not to scare her away, “let me be here for you. With you.”
“Chat,” she says, and I can tell she’s about to say no, so I don’t give her the chance.
“Ladybug. Please.” My voice is no more than a whisper, “You don’t have to do this alone.”
We stand frozen for a moment, her bright blue eyes locked onto mine. And then—
She nods.
It’s small, almost imperceptible, but before she can take another breath my arms are around her, drawing her closer. She presses her head into my shoulder and i can feel her softly shaking with sobs. I cradle her in my arms, supporting nearly all of her weight. Her legs could give out, and I'd keep her upright, bound up in me. I reach one hand to her face and tenderly brush her hair out of her eyes, like my mother used to do whenever I would cry. I’m careful with my claws, I don’t want to hurt her. I never want anyone to hurt her.
I don’t know how long we stay like that, but the moon is shining brightly above us when she reluctantly pulls away. I loosen my grip to let her go, but she stays close, moving back just enough to stand face to face, still wrapped in my arms. I can feel her breath brush my lips, and she’s looking at me like she thinks I’m going to kiss her. Like she wants me to.
I want to. I’ve always wanted to, and now she’s real and here and it’s so much better than I ever could have dreamed.
But I step back. She looks surprised, maybe even a little disappointed, but she hides it quickly.
I want to tell her how bad I want this, but I know that this isn’t the moment. When I kiss Ladybug, I don’t want it to be because she had a moment of weakness. I don’t want to be a bad decision that she’ll regret in the morning. I don’t want to take advantage of her, because I love her. And if she ever decides she really wants me too I’ll be here waiting.
So I attempt a cavalier smile, ignoring how cold my body feels now that it’s no longer pressed against hers. I reach out and gently take her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips and brushing the lightest of kisses against her knuckles.
“Goodnight, My Lady,” I whisper softly. It sounds deafening in the silence.
“Goodnight Chaton,” she breathes, but her eyes say so much more. She’s looking at me so warmly, and I know that this is the closest she can come to saying ‘I love you’ right now.
I allow myself one more moment to drink in those bluebell eyes gazing into mine before I force myself to turn and vault across the rooftops towards my cold, empty room.
I only look back once, and she’s already gone, like she was never even there.