Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was no secret that Virgil was working himself hard after the events of the video. Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts had brought more secrets to the fore, it had shown Thomas that there was so much more to him that he still had to discover. They had finally been able to introduce the Duke to Thomas and while Patton hadn’t exactly been... thrilled at having to do that, at least it hadn’t gone terribly.

It had gone bad, but it could have been a whole lot worse and anyway, he now knew for sure that Thomas had no desire to be influenced by Remus. His Thomas was happy with Roman as his main Creativity, he wanted to be good and that was going to have to be enough for Patton. As much as he wanted to be able to close his eyes and ears against the less savory elements of the mind, it was time for him to face the facts and accept that even his beloved Thomas wasn’t perfect all the time.

Just ninety nine percent of the time.

And they could work on the other one percent.

No, the latest video subject itself hadn’t been the problem, the thing driving Virgil to such lengths. Patton had seen Virgil stressed out on a number of occasions before now, he had helped him through some of the tougher points in Thomas’ life when Virgil let him. He had helped pick up the pieces on the times when he hadn’t. It wasn’t Remus or the thoughts which were getting to Anxiety and making him push himself as hard as he was.

Virgil had told Thomas who he had once been.

Patton had never blamed his dark strange son for the choices he had made growing up. He had been surrounded by the Dark Sides, of course he would have been influenced by them, of course he would have made choices that Patton wished he didn’t. Virgil had just been trying to survive and although he had sometimes scared Morality way, way, back in the beginning, he had decided early on not to let those fears get to him and to do what he had to in order to guide Anxiety to a better state of mind. He saw how wonderful the anxious side could be, if only he opened himself up a little. More than that, he could tell that Anxiety had been desperate to do just that but didn't know how to go about it.

Unlike Deceit.

Deceit scared him. Perhaps more than anyone else, because Deceit didn’t seem to care about right or wrong. He didn’t see them as clear, unmovable objects. You could do wrong things, for the right reasons but you would still be in the wrong for doing them.

Back when Virgil had been a Dark Side, he had done wrong things. He had felt bad about doing them however and had tried to change his ways. That was what mattered to Patton. That Virgil had wanted to be better and although his efforts at first had been quite terrible, he had kept trying and had improved until he was able to learn a balance between keeping Thomas safe and scaring them all for no good reason.

Patton wasn’t as naive as he acted. He knew they had all done wrong things in their lives. Sometimes by accident, sometimes for that vague ‘greater good’ that seemed like the perfect excuse for anything really. They had all stumbled and made mistakes. Sometimes it took a long time for them to admit that they had made that mistake but Patton liked to think that they had gotten there in the end. Patton included himself in that list - he had been nothing but honest when he described himself as acting like a real B hole during the night of Thomas’ intrusive thoughts.

He had been so convinced that what he was doing was right, he hadn’t stopped to think about the damage he was causing in the process.

Even Patton stumbled. Then he got back up, dusted himself down, said sorry and tried to do better. Even if he didn’t necessarily approve, he tried to understand because he knew that he couldn’t just make those thoughts go away. Repression didn’t work, Logan had shown them that so very clearly. If they couldn’t go away, then he would have to find a way to be at peace with them because Logan was right. They didn’t have to mean anything. Sometimes thoughts were just thoughts, and sometimes he just liked to act a bit silly.

Deceit though. Deceit didn’t seem to care that he was doing wrong. All he cared about was getting his own point across, getting his own way. No matter what other side he manipulated or hurt, he would do whatever it took to make sure he was the winner, that Thomas listened to him. If Deceit had his way, Thomas would listen to him and nobody else.

Then again, they all wanted to be heard and they had learnt that it was bad for any one of them to be too much in control. Why couldn’t Deceit see that? Why couldn’t he realise that while he might want what he thought was best for Thomas, he had to accept that his way could be wrong too.

All he cared about... was Thomas.

Which was right, which was good and proper. They were parts of Thomas, they were designed specifically to help him. It would have worried Patton if Deceit hadn’t cared about their manifester. He needed to care about the other sides as well and Patton didn’t know how to make him do that. Patton’s heart was bursting with the feelings he had for the other three ‘main’ sides. He loved them all so much and it hurt whenever one of them was hurting. At least two of them were right now and Patton sometimes wanted to cry at the thought of it.

Virgil wasn’t doing so good.

Thomas hadn’t called him up since their last conversation. The poor kiddo was still trying to catch up on his sleep and then he had been trying to handle all the revelations thrown at him. It was one thing to learn that your Creativity was split in two, and meet another part of yourself as a result of that. It was completely another to have a side you cared for and trusted tell you that they had been part of a group that everyone else said was a thing to be feared. The Dark Sides.

He had probably suspected as much, but there was a huge difference between thinking something and then the other person actually coming out and admitting it to him. Hearing it out loud must have been such a shock to the system. And then Virgil had stepped back to give him a chance to deal with it, only for Thomas to seem to want to ignore the revelation completely.

Patton knew he wasn’t angry at Virgil. Confused yes. Possibly even hurt, that Virgil had hid something so big from him for so long, but he wasn’t angry. Patton would have known if he was angry at him.

That didn’t seem to help matters though. Virgil still blamed himself. For letting things get as bad as they had, for not protecting him against the Dark Sides - the others, as Virgil would call them. For not being good enough for him. For being like the others in the first place.

So Virgil closed himself off, waiting for a summons he probably didn’t want but expected all the same. He still made sure his influence was felt, Patton knew he hadn’t ducked out. He was working harder than normal because he wasn’t manifesting himself in the real world, pushing himself to his limits in order to still be felt but at a distance. It had to be exhausting for his poor kiddo, especially when he barely showed himself to the rest of them. All Patton wanted to do was scoop him up into a big hug and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

Virgil had made it clear that he didn’t always like it when Patton spoke like that however. And the last thing Patton wanted to do was add to Virgil’s discomfort, to make this worse but it was so hard when his family was crumbling a little at the edges and his only plan involved giving love and support that Virgil didn’t seem to want. It wasn’t fair.

Logan agreed with Patton that it was best to give him time, to let himself cool down a little. There was no point forcing a confrontation yet, Virgil hadn’t shown any signs of ducking out or doing anything untoward like that so it was best to show Virgil that they trusted him. That they believed he knew what he was doing. Patton hoped that was the case.

Then there was Roman.

Patton knew Roman was upset about Remus making his way into the main area of the mind. The videos had always been Roman’s, something his brother hadn’t touched and it hurt now to consider them tainted, as he knew Roman did. Patton understood Roman better than the regal side probably thought he did. He knew how his mind worked sometimes, he knew what drove him, what inspired him and in turn, what hurt him. He knew that despite his claims of never seeing Remus again, that Creativity knew better than that. Remus was coming back and what had once been his safe haven could not be invaded at any time. That had to sting more than a little.

That wasn’t why Roman was as upset as he was though. It wasn’t even close to why. The thing that hurt his dramatic son was the way in which Virgil was shutting everyone out of his life, the way in which he had closed himself off to the side he had claimed as his boyfriend. Not even Roman had been able to get Virgil to come out of his room and join in on the family nights or family meals. Patton knew that Roman was trying his best, that he was doing everything he could to get Virgil to open up to them all.

He knew as well that Roman was struggling not to take Virgil’s closed off behaviour personally. Virgil had had these periods before, but the last time it had been even close to being as bad as this, he had still been Anxiety instead of Virgil. He certainly hadn’t been Virgil, Roman’s boyfriend.

Creativity and Anxiety. Patton had always had a soft spot for the idea of the two of them together, even though they would have laughed at the thought out of the room in the early days of their rivalry, then friendship. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Roman was good for Virgil and Virgil was good for Roman. They balanced each other and kept each from getting too caught up in the worst of their traits. It made Patton want to squeal with joy whenever he saw one of them smile at the other. Roman smiled at Virgil as if he was the sun, moon and stars all at once. As if Virgil brought all the light into the room.

Virgil’s smiles were rarer, softer, harder to catch. They spoke of early mornings and listening to the rain against the roof while you lazed in bed. They were brilliant partly because they were that uncommon but Patton had been seeing them more often lately. Almost all of them directed towards Roman and there were times when Patton felt almost as though he was intruding by catching a glimpse of them. He was just so happy to know that they were happy.

They still fought of course. Patton wished they wouldn’t, but he accepted that it was part of who they were and if that was the case then he would let them. It was better they blew off steam in fights that were mostly friendly then let everything build up inside of them until there were consequences. Patton knew what it was like to let emotions build up inside of you until it exploded. It was messy, horrible and he didn’t want that for his kiddos. Not when they were doing so well.

At least.

They had been doing well. Right up until Virgil had felt he had to tell Thomas the truth. Patton was so proud of him for taking that step, for being brave and opening himself up. He just wished Virgil could see it that way. He wished that Virgil let them all in. Patton wished for a lot of things, every night staring up at the first star he saw in the sky and muttered his request under his breath.

It wasn’t as bad as it could be, of course. At least Virgil hadn’t cut himself completely off from the rest of them. At least he still let Thomas feel nervous. At least he still kept a single route of communication open. Patton knew that Virgil still crept along the corridor at night, that he slipped into Roman’s room and into his bed to hold him, to reassure himself that his Prince was alright. Patton had watched from the shadows just to make sure.

Virgil always looked so tired during those nocturnal walks from his room to Roman’s, and it had taken everything in Patton not to rush out from his hiding spot and give him a huge hug right there and then. Space. He had to give Virgil the space he clearly wanted. He needed to respect Virgil and his desires, not selfishly give into his own. Patton had to be strong and hope that sooner rather than later, the anxious side would come to him so that he could give him the love he was so desperate to share.

He doubted either of them had gotten much sleep the first night, not after the blow to the head Roman had received. Virgil had probably spent hours hissing and checking over every inch of Roman, before Roman had finally been able to comfort him back.

Virgil never came down with Roman for breakfast, he didn’t join them at all in fact. Patton tried not to let the empty place get to him as day followed day and still the anxious side avoided them all.

By the third morning, Patton had started having to have a harsh talk with himself to stop himself from bouncing into Roman’s room and dragging Virgil to the kitchen table for breakfast. He knew Virgil well, he knew that if he did that, the anxious side wouldn’t want to risk offending him by saying no to his face. Patton would get his family meal, he would have a brief moment of satisfaction and warmth before the empty plates were collected and cleaned.

And then Virgil would probably stop coming to Roman’s room out of fear that it would happen again.

He couldn’t do that to the pair of them. No matter how much he wanted to see his son again, Patton couldn’t force the matter. Virgil would come out when he was ready and anyway, Patton was sure that Roman was trying to convince him each night that it would be alright to face the rest of them again. Patton hoped that Roman was saying how much they missed him without making Virgil too embarrassed.

By the eighth day of this however, Patton was starting to wonder if his plan was working. Giving Virgil the space he had silently demanded had always worked before but then Virgil had never confessed such a huge thing to Thomas before. Thomas and his anxiety had never gone this long without interacting with each other on a face to face basis, not since he had properly accepted his anxiety

It reminded Patton uncomfortably of the times before. Back when Virgil had just been Anxiety and he hadn’t been part of the family. Back when he had been a snarling, angry, thing, lashing out at them before they could hurt him. Those times had been terrible for them all. Looking back, they had to have been worse for Virgil because there had been nobody he could talk to, nobody he could confide in and open up to. His only defense when things had gone wrong had been to be more mean, more prickly. To close himself off and curl into a tight little ball so that nobody could get to his vulnerable sides.

Of course at a moment of extreme distress, the worst he had felt in a long time, he would revert back to those behaviours. It was what had saved him in the past.

As easy as it was for Patton to think that things were different now, to be worried for his son and to want him to just open up and talk to them, he knew it wasn’t actually that easy. That Virgil was battling decades of behaviour against just a few years of acceptance and only a few months of love. No matter what Roman promised in the night, whispering against his skin, it had to pale in comparison to all those lonely years.

Patton couldn’t let Virgil be alone any longer. The day had stretched on with Thomas getting through his work with the usual level of anxiety, with all of them chipping in to help when they could but it just wasn’t the same without virgil there to offer his dry comments, to tease and argue with them. There was something lacking in every interaction and he was sure that the others felt it too.

No, enough was enough.

It was time to let his dark strange son know for sure that they all still loved and adored him. Giving him space no longer seemed an option, not with eight days of silence down and what felt like an eternity still to come. Virgil hadn’t given any hint that he was planning to come out of his room anytime soon. At this rate, the anxious side wasn’t going to be the one to break the impasse. Patton was going to have to talk to Virgil. There was no other way around it. He had tiptoed around the subject long enough, had given Virgil the time and space he needed but this didn’t seem like it was a space situation any longer.

If things were really as bad as Patton was starting to suspect, then this was a ‘find Virgil and physically fight him with love so he has no choice but to realise how adored by them all he still was’ situation. First though, he had to find Roman and try and get a little information from him.

Luckily, it was always fairly easy to find Roman and this evening was no exception. Roman was lounging in the main room, a notebook in his hands as he idly doodled. Patton could be wrong, but he was sure he saw a number of hearts and letters drawn on the lined paper. Roman really was too cute.

“Hello Roman,” Patton began, trying not to sound too nervous too quickly. He didn’t want to scare him off after all but he was going to have to somehow convince Roman to go against what Virgil claimed to want. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.

“Padre!” The bright smile and hearty greeting didn’t fool Patton. He was the master of them after all, he knew how to smile like you mean it.

“How is Virgil doing? I’ve not seen him recently so I thought since you and he spend the nights together you’ll have a better idea of how he’s coping with everything.” Best to just put his cards out on the table, to let Roman know he knew about the night time visits and more importantly that he wasn’t upset by this. Patton didn’t mind the fact that Virgil was talking to Roman over him, just so long as he was talking.

Well, Virgil was meant to be his best friend and he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit hurt by the idea that Virgil felt that he couldn’t confide in him, but Patton did understand. He was learning to embrace his own feelings, even the bad ones. He just had to accept his feelings and then move on to what was important. Helping Virgil.

“Oh... you know? Of course you know.” The words were muttered mostly to himself, Roman deflating slightly as he thought about his boyfriend.

“I know,” Patton agreed softly, voice inviting, almost begging Roman to keep talking.

“He’s working hard. So hard. I tried to arrange a picnic for the two of us yesterday in the Imagination and he wouldn’t come...” Roman trailed off, his words soft and bewildered.

“He always comes but I couldn’t convince him yesterday. Virgil just said he had to keep working, that he needed to protect Thomas that he didn’t have time to do anything else. It doesn’t help that Thomas has all these things going on at once. Virgil actually needs to do his job, I know that. I’m busy too! I just wish they would talk to each other. I just wish he would talk to me.”

Patton felt his heart cracking a little as he listened to Roman, his confusion as obvious as his pain. It was clear that Roman’s heart was breaking as well and he didn’t know what to do in order to fix it. Patton wasn’t completely sure either, but he knew that they had to do something.

“And then at night... I always fall asleep first. And when I wake up, he’s already awake. He says he gets some sleep and I’ve never known Virgil to sleep a full eight hours but I can’t help but worry. I know he watches over me, he always has, I love my protective boyfriend but this feels different Pat...”

Part of Patton couldn’t help but feel warmed by the easy way in which Roman had said ‘love’ as if loving Virgil was the easiest thing in the world to him. Perhaps by now it was. It had taken them a long time to reach this point and he was so proud of his kiddos, both of them. Virgil had come a long way too, and although he had yet to say the words out loud where Patton could hear them, he proved his feelings in countless little ways. He said ‘love’ in action rather than words.

Now Roman had the chance to prove his feelings once and for all. Maybe this was going to be easier than he thought. Easier but more painful.

“I think it's time to talk to Virgil,” Patton said softly, making sure his voice was as even and understanding as before. “Remind him of how much we all care.”

“Perhaps... perhaps you’re right,” Roman agreed, although there was a doubtful expression on his face still. “I’ve tried not to push but normally he shakes himself out of these dark days by now.”

“If you go fetch Logan, I’ll try and talk to him first. We don’t want him to think we’re ganging up on him but it’s important that we all be there for him. You should come last because you’re probably the one he’s going to want to curl up to if this gets emotional,” Patton explained, pushing aside the twinge of guilt he felt at using the word ‘if’. It was bound to get emotional and as much as he knew Virgil loved him, it was best they saved the strongest reason to keep going for last. Roman was Virgil’s rock, and if anyone was going to help him, in the end it would be him.

It was clear that Roman didn’t like the idea of not being the first one to talk to Virgil but equally clear that he didn’t have a better plan. After a couple of moments of struggling with his thoughts, Roman nodded slowly before turning to head out through the kitchen towards the small back area that Logan had transformed into a permanent night area for stargazing and where he was currently charting part of the night sky.

Which left Patton to do what he said he was going to do and talk to Virgil. There was a funny feeling in the core of his stomach as he climbed the stairs, a strange mix of dread and excitement. There were so many ways in which this could go wrong but equally there were so many ways in which it could go right and he couldn’t wait to see Virgil give him that shy, beautiful smile once more. He couldn’t wait to give him a hug and for all of them to watch a movie together once more. His mind was full of all the fun, family related activities they could do, daydreaming a little as he reached the top of the stairs and turned the corner.

Patton paused at the far end of the corridor, looking along it. His mind felt suddenly slow, stupid as he struggled to work out exactly what he was looking at.

Virgil’s door was open. It was rarely open. Even when Virgil was having a good day, he would have it closed because he cared about his privacy. It was hard for Patton to understand that, but what he had quickly understood was that if it was a good day - or even an okay day, sometimes a bad day - then all he had to do was knock on the door and if Virgil was up to it, he would let him in. Yet now, it was wide open, no knocking required. After everything that had happened lately, Patton wouldn’t have expected to see it open.

And was that... Deceit? Standing in front of Virgil’s open door? He was leaning in slightly, as though listening to something. Patton couldn’t actually hear anything from the room, but that made sense with how far away he was. Unless Virgil was screaming at the top of his lungs, he wouldn’t hear anything.

The caped side vanished through the door frame, out of Patton’s line of sight. The movement shook him from his own stupor, and there was no time to be staring off into space! Not when Deceit had just entered Virgil’s room and was doing who knew what to his friend. Patton picked up the pace, almost running along the length of the corridor to the door that was still open.

Foolish of Deceit not to bother to close it, but it was a mistake Patton was grateful for. He reached the entrance just in time to see Virgil fall into Deceit’s arms, his eyes closed. His skin looked paler than normal, even for Virgil’s standards. What had Deceit done to him? How dare he attack his son, how dare he knock Virgil out.

It was easy to see that he was exhausted but that wasn’t what Patton was focused on right now. There was exhausted and then there was unconscious in the arms of someone that Virgil had always treated as his enemy. Patton didn’t know a lot about the past between the two of them - again, Virgil cared about his privacy and he, in turn, did his best to respect that when he could - but Patton was sure that he wouldn’t want to wake up and find Deceit was there.

“Let go of him!” Patton cried out. Nothing else mattered but getting the danger away from Virgil. For so long, Virgil had been the protector. Now it was time for him to finally be able to return the favour and save him.

Deceit looked up, and if Patton didn’t know better, he would say the expression on his face had been startled instead of evil or malicious. He seemed shocked, although Patton couldn’t tell if it was because Virgil was unconscious or because he was there. The snake probably hadn’t counted on anyone coming up here and interrupting his plan.

Whatever his plan actually was.

Assuming he had actually knocked out Virgil instead of the anxious side merely fainting. No, if Virgil was feeling that rough, he would never had let Deceit in surely. Which had to mean that Deceit had done something to him. Deceit had done something to his strange dark son and now Virgil was unconscious and limp against him when he should be in Patton’s arms or Roman’s.

“Oh I’ll do that,” Deceit replied and for a second Patton actually thought he meant it. Only for Deceit to bend his knees slightly in order to dip and hook his hands under Virgil’s knees, drawing his still form properly up into his arms. It was almost as though he wanted to support him better. All the better to take him no doubt, Patton automatically taking a step forward, the world dropping away until it seemed as though the three of them and the little patch of ground they were on were the only things left in existence.

Deceit stepped backwards at the same time, carrying Virgil with him. Behind them, a door shimmered to life, streaks of yellow, purple and black around the frame. It wasn’t a door that Patton knew and that meant he didn’t know where it led. Without knowing that, he wouldn’t be able to make one of his own to follow. The heavy wooden door swung open without a touch or word from Deceit, a shadowy area looming there.

Both human and snake eyes never left Patton’s as he backed up and through the door, vanishing into the shadows in what felt like no time at all. Even as Deceit carried Virgil over the threshold, Patton was moving forward. He managed three whole steps before the two darker sides disappeared from view and the door slammed shut, the echo making Patton flinch.

“No, no, no,” Patton whispered, still moving forward, his eyes wide and frightened. The door seemed to shimmer in front of him, starting to fade around the edges, the colours growing less vibrant as it started to vanish from sight, returning to whatever hallway it normally lived in.

Patton reacted without thinking. He wasn’t going to let Deceit take his son, he wasn’t going to lose Virgil to the darkness once more. There were still huge areas of Thomas’ mind that none of them understood. Not even Logan knew all the corridors that stretched out into tangled mazes of thoughts and processes. It was next to impossible to fully understand the mind apparently, even when you were the mind. All Patton knew for sure was that Deceit had retreated to some corner of the mind with Virgil as his prisoner and unless he did something right now, they wouldn’t have a single lead to follow. Without that door, they had nothing.

Lunging forward, Patton’s hand closed around the handle of the door. Instantly, the frame snapped back into existence, as real and as solid as it had ever been. Just a door freestanding in the middle of the room, as if they were in Monsters Inc.

“Patton, what happened?” Roman’s voice sounded behind him, the panic ringing clearly in that question. “Where’s Virgil?”

He hadn’t even heard Roman come into the room. Patton hoped that he had brought Logan with him, because Logan always knew what to do, Logan could stop the panic that was trying to claw its way out of his chest and up his throat. Virgil was gone, he was gone and Patton had just let it happen. He had let a member of his family be stolen, he had lost Roman’s boyfriend. He was a terrible friend and this felt like his fault. Or maybe it was Deceit’s fault.

“Deceit!” Patton gasped out, eyes still fixed on the door, the only link he had left to wherever Virgil had been taken. “He was here, Virgil was unconscious and he took him! He took him through this door and I don’t know where, but I’m going after them.”

“Patton, wait-” Logan began and if Patton had been thinking clearly he might have noticed the hint of panic in Logan’s voice as he started to twist the handle. He might have wondered why and stopped to ask before acting on the impulse that yelled the longer he waited, the further they got away from him. He might have come up with a plan to get Virgil back. There were so many possibilities if he allowed himself those extra few moments to think things through.

He wasn’t doing any of those things however and so he didn’t.

Patton opened the door.

For a split second, there was nothing there. Just a black space which could have been a room or simply a corridor. It was an absence of anything, a negative space which made the hairs on the back of Patton’s neck stand up on end as he peered into it. Something in the corner of his eye had him shifting his gaze slightly to stare at the solitary light in the area.

A single spec of white... snow? Was that snow? It floated down in front of him, Patton staring at it in confusion. Another followed, and then another and another. Suddenly, what had been black was now alive with falling snow, the flakes dancing in the air around them. Air that was suddenly a lot more violent than before, spinning around to curl around all three of the sides and tug. The force was wholly unexpected, insistent, a pull that was impossible to resist.

Patton just had enough time to think it reminded him of the tree door from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and then he was flying through it, swept into the vortex that swirled madly around them. They stumbled through the door like a row of dominos, first Patton, then Roman and finally Logan. Arms and legs flailing everywhere, a chorus of shouts and screams as they tried to stay upright. Not that Patton had any real idea of which way ‘up’ even was anymore.

“We have to stay together!” Logan shouted above the din. “Hands! Hold hands!”

Try as Patton might, he couldn’t quite reach either of them. Fingers stretched and flexed, reaching for the logical side, the creative side but the snowflakes were always there to spin him away when it felt as though he would finally be able to grab hold. It wasn’t any comfort to tell that the other two were having no better luck, each isolated in the snowstorm.

Above the screams, Patton heard the sound of the door slamming shut behind them.

And then - silence.