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Adora shuffled, sitting cross-legged on the too small bed in Catra’s dorm room. She was jittery but, fuck, how could she not be jittery when her fucking childhood best-friend-slash-neighbour-slash-now-crush had invited her to listen to said best friend/crush’s poetry. In her room. Alone. Yeah she was positively freaking out.
“Soooo,” Adora said, trying to (unsuccessfully) ease the tension in the room. “Why did you invite me over?”
Yeah maybe that wasn’t the best question she could’ve asked since she literally knew why she was there. Well. Sort of. She still didn’t know why Catra had invited her specifically. Their best-friendship hadn’t necessarily survived the hellhole that was high school (Adora’s raging crush, however, was still thriving), both girls drifting in different directions, Catra doing theatre and Adora joining the football team. And Adora knew that she was to blame. She had been neglectful and a moderately bad friend. Catra had explicitly said that she needed Adora to be there for her and Adora, being the dumbass teenager she was, had left her to go out with this cheerleader. Repeatedly. Their relationship didn’t really recover from that.
“Well, I wrote this for my poetry class. Since, you know. I’m a lit major.” Adora did not know this and fuck how could she not know this ugh. Catra was fidgeting with the hem of her red sweater. “I need some. Uhh. Feedback on this piece. It’s kinda short so you’ll be. Fine.”
“Oh,” said Adora and she did not feel smart. “Yeah sure. Sure. Feedback.”
Catra reached for the small notebook on her nightstand. She threw a quick glance Adora’s way, then started reading. “Beloved lives one bus ride away.”
Adora really, really wanted to focus but Catra’s voice was so calming and suddenly she found herself thinking about her. After so long, they had reunited in college. Their friendship had been tentative at first. Excruciating, for Adora. How it hurt, not laughing, not touching in the same way they used to. But as they once again stumbled through the uneasy pathway that led to friendship, Adora noticed that it was easy to fall back into some of their old patterns. Sometimes they would bump into each other in the campus cafeteria and Catra would pay for Adora’s black coffee. She would give the blonde a small smile. Adora’s heart would do a little backflip. When she was in one of those moods, Adora would tell herself that their relationship was un-mendable. That she had fucked up for good. She would yearn, hope, wish for Catra to be her friend, to love her, again. And then there were days like this. Here Catra was, sitting with Adora on her bed, reading her fucking poetry and asking for her opinion. And Adora felt like she was about to fucking combust.
“She is humid Tuscan air in hot July. /She is cheap pistachio ice cream long forgotten somewhere along with the vows we made. /She is cold rain.”
Why was this beautiful, kind, forgiving girl, her once-best friend, for fuck’s sake, ready to give her attention and time and effort when she could hang out with, like, literally anyone else? Adora was pretty sure that this was a prank. Except that she knew that Catra was too good for shit like that. And then she felt bad for doubting Catra’s sincerity.
“Beloved is always one phone call away.”
Adora could not sit fucking still. She tried sitting cross-legged, still felt nervous as fuck so tried to shuffle a little, in the meantime bumping her knee against Catra’s. She mumbled a sheepish ‘sorry’ and Catra gave her an understanding little smile.
“They call it an irrational fear of /An irrational fear of short bus rides and /An irrational fear of virtual exchanges.”
And as Catra read the child-like, loopy writing from her pocket-sized notebook Adora came to a realization that she didn’t really feel ready to go on with her life without this girl. And it wasn’t like she couldn’t live without her because she certainly could (with many, many tear-filled nights). She didn’t want to spend another day without Catra’s brilliant wit and her over-competitiveness at Mario Kart and her small smiles reserved just for Adora. Because life was short and she had already spent so long leaving words unsaid.
So. Adora grabbed her unsuspecting friend’s (?) hand. Catra stopped reading. Catra’s gaze met Adora’s. And Adora, always priding herself in her candour, blurted out, “I think I’m in love with you.”
At first Catra froze, her mouth hanging open, and Adora was sure that she had fucked up what little chance she had of fixing things with Catra. And then Catra fucking flipped.
“FUCK!” she pretty much yelled. “Just- wait, alright? Fuuuck, shit- wait.”
Catra reopened the notebook she had dropped when Adora had grabbed her hand and maniacally started to flip through it, trying to find the poem. They were still holding hands. Adora’s heart suddenly wanted to go explore the world outside of her chest. She was already preparing herself to go back to her own room and scream into her pillow.
“Okay!” Catra lifted the tiny notebook in victory. “Okay okay okay.”
Adora, trying to comfort Catra but mostly herself, said, “Okay.”
And then Catra started reading the last three lines. “An irrational fear of you, /Beloved.” She looked up at Adora, gave her one of those smiles and squeezed her hand. “I will forever be irrationally loving you.”
Now it was Adora’s turn to gape because what. Did. Did Catra just. Confess, too? Her brain was unable to come up with any word other than, “What?”
Catra was full on grinning now. “Yes, you big goof. I wanted to confess but also wanted to, you know, make it memorable.”
“Memorable?” Adora uttered. “That was, the sappiest shit, I have ever seen. Heard. And,” she felt herself smile. “I love you for it.”
Catra placed the notebook back on the nightstand, getting ahold of both Adora’s hands. She ran her thumbs over her hands. Adora could see the giddy smile on the brunette’s lips. And although she loved the way Catra looked, all bright-eyed and happy, she also really wanted to do something else. So. Adora placed a hand on Catra’s cheek and kissed her. She felt her best friend – her possibly girlfriend – smile into the kiss and tried to pull her closer just when Catra pulled back.
“I’m sorry about high school,” Catra said. “I shouldn’t have been so fucking clingy. You were dating that cheerleader and I should have been more understanding.”
“I’m sorry about high school, too.” Adora said. “And I’m sorry that I made you feel that way because you were the best best friend I’ve ever had. I love you, I love you so much.”
And Catra smiled. So Adora smiled, too. “Look who’s being sappy now!”
Adora put her arms around the girl she loved and pulled both of them onto the bed and she wanted to do nothing but lay there forever. Or at least until Catra wanted to go get a sandwich, in which case, Adora would gladly go with her.