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Sanji was usually the one that picked the mail. Being the first awake, it was part of his task to great the News Coo seagull, give it a fish and distribute the mail during breakfast. Sometimes, the mail came later, when Sanji was busy in the kitchen and then it was Nami’s job to take care of it. As much as he didn’t like having Nami using her small fragile hands to work, he couldn’t be at two places at once and he couldn’t force the mail to arrive earlier either.
When Sanji collected the mail this morning, News Coo gave him a blank envelope hidden among other things. There was a letter in it of course, but Sanji couldn’t comprehend why there was nothing written on this envelope. Maybe the recipient’s name and its address had been erased by water? But then, why would News Coo give them the letter? No one has sent anything in the past weeks. It had been a week full of adventures and marines with no time to rest. There was no sender either, so no way for him to send it back to its owner. The letter was a little damp too, but dry-damp, as if it had been wet and had dried under the sun, which confirmed Sanji’s theory about the letter falling in the sea and erasing the recipient’s information from it. Sanji turned the envelope to examine it carefully but there was nothing more than a few erased letters on the front of the envelope and he couldn’t make them out.
Sanji handed the letter back to News Coo but the bird didn’t seem to react. Annoyed, Sanji tried to explain the situation.
« Can you take that back? It’s not for us. »
The bird turned its head to look at the letter, but he only squawked and flapped its wings without doing anything about it. Sanji was extremely confused. News Coos were intelligent birds and they rarely made any mistakes. If something like that had to happen, they would give the letter back to its sender. Being the one in charge of the mail, Sanji knew none of the others was waiting for any sort of letter right now. He tried giving it back once more only to have the seagull turning its head away with a frown.
« Would you stop being so stubborn? Grumbled Sanji. Come on! It is neither for us nor from us. Would you take that back? Whoever sent it must be waiting for an answer! »
He tried to force the letter in the seagull’s pouch, but it squawked indignantly and turned away from him. Sanji sighed with resignation.
« Alright. If I answer this, would you take it back to the sender? »
A shriek: yes.
« Even though I don’t know who sent it? Will you be able to find the way back? »
Another shriek, another yes.
« But for some reasons, you won’t take it back right now. Are you aware that this is counter-productive? This is giving me more work than I already have. But maybe… wait… is it a cute girl? Are you giving me a cute girl’s letter for me to answer? »
The bird looked a bit lost by Sanji’s train of thought and in this instant, the cook realized that he was talking to a bird and that said bird didn’t share his appreciation on women. He took the letter, the rest of the mail, gave the bird its fish and decided to read everything later in the morning, after breakfast.
Breakfast went without any problem. Sanji managed to keep Luffy away from the girl’s plates and when everything was cleaned and tucked away, he climbed the ladder to the garden and took a seat there. He was, to a certain extent, dreading this letter. A curious feel between adrenaline, anticipation and thrill had keet him from tearing it open in front of everyone. Now, seated between the flowers, he was already imagining how, across the sea, a pretty girl was probably waiting for her friend to answer, only to receive his letter. Like a true Cyrano, his words would conquer her heart and she would answer passionately. Just thinking about it made Sanji squirm in delight. Without further ado, he opened the envelope and took the letter out.
It read:
« Kouina,
Sorry for writing late, I was very busy this month.
Everything is fine here, we made new relations.
When I’ll be back, I’ll visit you. But I won’t be back for a while, you know that.
Sorry for keeping you waiting. »
Well, nice letter. Very impersonal and all, but it wasn’t answering Sanji’s questions. Who was the sender? Sanji sighed again. He had hope that the letter would give him some information but nothing in it was useful. He still didn’t know if the sender was a boy or a girl, which made answering very difficult. Was he supposed to pour his heart into answering the letter or would he be wasting his time on a dude? Some people weren’t taking things seriously.
He decided that the sender must have been a dude because of how impersonal it was. Just in case, Sanji decided to be a gentleman. After all, this guy never caused him harm, it would have been very impolite to send a blank letter back. His job right now was to write a letter attractive enough for a possible girl to answer back but still polite enough to be able to refuse any inappropriate advances if the sender was a guy. This was not the easiest task he had had but he could manage.
He started writing.
« Good morning,
Kouina isn’t available right now, but I must say your writing style is quite intriguing. Why not write to me instead?
I would love to have a new pen pal. »
Now, what to do? He couldn’t sign with his name in case the letter was from a marine. There was no need to endanger his nakamas with this. News Coo was intelligent enough to find its way back without an address if he decided to keep the conversation going. Now, to sign…
« N°5 »
That would do.
The next morning, he sent the letter. This whole experience was quite amusing to Sanji and the delightful feeling that he had experienced when opening the letter hadn’t gone away yet. What would the answer be? Who was this mysterious sender? Sanji couldn’t help but twirl each time was thinking about this mysterious, which earned him some snarky remarks from Zoro.
The answer was quick to come. News Coo gave Sanji a letter four days later, which was strangely fast. It meant that both he and the mysterious sender were very close. Sanji waited after breakfast and almost tore the letter open.
« You sick son of a bitch. Stop writing for Kouina.
I know you’re not her.
I don’t know who you are but stop this right now.
Asshole. »
The more Sanji read, the more he felt his hair standing. Who was this arrogant asshole?! Who the hell did he think he was? The cook still had no idea what the relationship between this guy -because it was obviously a boy- and Kouina was but he was certain now he had intercepted a letter from lovers separated by the sea. A nasty idea started to sprout in his head. It was time to drop the honorifics and start to act like a real man. If this guy wanted to be an asshole, two could play at this game. Sanji grabbed his pen and started to write.
« Buddy,
I don’t know you, sorry, Kouina never talks about you. Could you please not insult me? I don’t know why you’re separate but it’s creepy how you keep sending her letters. You’ve got to stop.
She’s with me now, she’s not waiting for you anymore. People change, buddy.
N°5.
By the way, do you know what her favourite flowers are? »
Sanji re-read the letter, quite pleased with himself. This second letter he had received was way less intelligible than the previous one. It was filled with erasures and stains, and the writing was more frantic. There was still no sender, so the guy was probably as cautious as Sanji about this situation. However, seeing how hot-headed he was, Sanji could guess that he was not half as polite as him. This anger confirmed Sanji’s hypothesis: that the guy was Kouina’s old lover or something like that.
The answers kept coming, less and less intelligible, with more wrath each time.
« You sick bastard! Asshole! You don’t know Kouina! Stop trying to sound like you do! She doesn’t like flowers! She’s not your lover! Fucking! You’re a psycho! Stop! Writing! »
Those letters were quite amusing to the cook, especially since the atmosphere on the boat had taken such a drastic turn since their last adventure. Zoro was a touchy subject. He was closing in on himself and working out non-stop. Sanji guessed that something had happened to him during the fight and now, he was trying to make up for whatever it was. Such a moron. His temper affected the whole crew. When he was present, the conversations were hushed, as if their nakamas were too afraid to speak too loudly, and when he wasn’t, everything revolved around him. « Did something happen? » and « Does someone knows what? ». Sanji shrugged off these thoughts. The guy was just having a mood.
News Coo was late today but Sanji was so excited to give it the letter that he was still waiting outside instead of preparing breakfast. He was smoking to pass the time. He was quite proud of his answer for mister angry-and-couldn’t-take-a-joke-guy and he was impatient to hear what the other had to say this time.
This joke was the only thing lightning his days recently. The next island was still very far away, Zoro was getting on his nerves and his attempts to flirt with Nami were met with silence and disapproval. Needless to say, the cook was bored.
He was at the end of his cigarette when News Coo finally arrived. His feathers were ruffled and he was looking kinda stressed. Sanji wasted no time trying to understand what the seagull has been through; it was probably just a sea monster anyway. He took his letter out of his suit and immediately gave it to the bird. News Coo reluctantly took the letter in his pouch.
« Thanks Coo. Do you have the news for my wonderful Nami-swan?
-Coooo! »
The Peli gave him the news and decided to sit for a minute, it was obviously quite tired. Sanji was about to give it a fish when suddenly, tumbling out on the bridge came Zoro, looking disarray and angrier than usual. It seemed like he hadn’t noticed Sanji yet and his gaze was focused on the poor bird. The swordsman ran to the seagull and caught it by its webbed paws before it had the chance to fly away.
« Coo! Do you have mail for me? »
News Coo squawked in distress. He was trying to fly away but Zoro had an iron fist and wasn’t letting it go.
« Wow, impressive. Said Sanji. Algaes know how to read? »
Strangely, Zoro didn’t answer. He still hadn’t acknowledged Sanji and he was too focused on the bird to listen to the cook. News Coo, deciding that his life was worth more than a letter, turned his head toward Zoro and handed him Sanji’s letter. As soon as Zoro grasped it, the bird had flown away.
Zoro opened sharply the envelope and took out the letter, unaware that Sanji was looking at him with wide eyes. The swordsman started reading.
« Fuck! That bastard is fast. Muttered Zoro.
-Wait, that’s… »
Sanji didn’t know why he stopped talking. Maybe because he was captivated by how Zoro was reading the letter. The swordman was moving his eyes with raging energy, fleeting from left to right in a staccato rhythm and ready to explode at each word. Maybe Sanji had stopped because he wanted to know why Zoro seemed to accept the fact that this letter was for him, even though it was obviously not because it was a love story and he didn’t know any Kouina and… Sanji felt a cold hand gripping his heart.
Impossible. Zoro was the original sender.
It all made sense now. News Coo had brought the letter back to Zoro because it had fallen in the water but somehow, Sanji had intercepted it. Zoro’s change a temper this week had been because of the letters. Just because Sanji had wanted to play a nasty trick to someone and…. He had been a real asshole, hadn’t he? He had willingly played the bully to someone, not considered their feelings, and now he was faced with the reality of the situation.
Had Zoro not been the receiver, Sanji may have never figure out how rudely he had acted. He could see it now, through Zoro’s rapidly changing expression, how heartless he had been. He had never seen Zoro so angry and distressed at the same time. His eyes were watery, his hands were twitching, clutching the letter involuntarily, making the paper was fold and crease at the same time. Something strong was making Zoro’s arms vibrating ever so slightly and only a trained eye could see the way his whole face shifted.
Sanji couldn’t dare to break the tense silence. Zoro’s eyes were fixed on the letter, gasping from time to time.
« That! Son of a…! »
The swordsman walked off. His steps were heavy with rage and he left in his trail a very distressed Sanji.
Three days later, Sanji received a new letter. He couldn’t read it until the day after. Zoro had been in a calm rage all day, sending angry glances at the sky. He couldn’t see that Sanji was observing him.
From this day on, Sanji kept receiving letters but with no answer from his part, they gradually stopped. Zoro calmed over time but he never got rid of this pinched expression he had acquired since what Sanji had dubbed “the letter misfortune”. To rectify this situation, Sanji decided to take the matter into his own hands.
The next day, Sanji woke up extremely early. He was nervous about his plan. He kept thinking about how Zoro would react and, being rightfully stressed, he managed to postpone the meeting until about 4 pm.
It was a coincidence at first. Zoro had come inside to get some booze, and in the laps of time that he needed to grab the bottle and unscrew it, Sanji had thrown a cup of coffee and some pastries on the table. Zoro turned around, ready to leave, but Sanji was blocking his way. Zoro eyed him carefully but said nothing when the cook grabbed his arm and forced him to sit at the table in front of the treats.
« What is that, a surprise party just for me? »
There was a bunch of stuff that the swordsman liked there. Unsure about the purpose of this meaning of this intervention, Zoro did not take anything from the table. Sanji was having a hard time keeping himself from fretting too much. When Zoro took a bite, he felt less stressed. Still unsure of what to say, he hesitated a moment before stepping away. Zoro smiled at himself, Sanji was quite a good chef after all.
Suddenly, a letter was forced in front of him.
Sanji saw the exact moment when Zoro went from surprise to fury. Just like last time, his finger clutched the letters. Slowly they curled and they wrapped around the words “It was me. I’m sorry”.
Zoro raised his eyes toward the cook. He held them. Then, Zoro threw everything on the ground in one swift move and he was up in seconds.
« Asshole! Buying me with some pastries? Who the hell do you think I am?! »
Zoro punched Sanji. The cook took a half step back, feeling the blood rush to his head. He knew that he already had a bloody nose. Zoro took Sanji by the shirt and threw him on the wall. Sanji didn’t even try to fight back as he was flung away. Instead of crashing against the wall, Sanji landed on the door, which opened under his weight. He tumbled outside and finally came to a stop when he hurt the railing. He heard his nakamas raise from behind, but he stopped them with a hand.
Slowly, Zoro got out of the kitchen. He faced Sanji from above with a murderous in his eyes. He raised a finger and pointed it at Sanji’s shirt.
« Don’t you dare pull that stunt again. I’ll kill you. »
There was a tense silence, in which Sanji only nodded. The others stayed still as Zoro brushed past them, pushing Luffy and Usopp out of the way. Finally, with the swordsman gone, someone made a move to help Sanji, but the cook was too deep in his thoughts to accept the helping hand. He stood up by himself and walked to his kitchen, leaving his stunned friends behind.
At least, Zoro seemed to get better. I was Sanji, now, who was acting more closed up than usual. When, for the third time in a row, Nami was awoken by News Coo’s squawks, she decided she had enough. It was Sanji’s job to take care of the mail when Coo was early, and she would not accept this whole “boys will be boys” thing if she had to wake up early every day. After grabbing the mail, she went straight to the kitchen. She found Sanji making some complicated tender sweetness.
« Oi! Sanji! »
The cook jumped at the sound of her voice, but he promptly regained his senses and turned to her.
« Nami-swaaan! What can I do for you? Breakfast is not ready yet.
-I’m not here for breakfast. I’m here to talk about this situation we have.
-Is there a problem? »
Sanji was ready to jump out, but Nami raised her hand in a calming gesture, stopping Sanji before he could reach the door.
« No, everything’s fine. I’m talking about you and Zoro. »
Sanji looked positively ridiculous, with his creamed-covered whip and his doubtful look.
« Situation? There is no situation, dear Nami. I took care of that.
-And look how well it has turned out. »
Truly, Sanji didn’t understand Nami. Zoro was doing better, wasn’t he? For once, he had done something good for the swordsman. Why was his dear Nami-san thinking that it wasn’t enough?
« Has Zoro started pouting again? Sanji asked.
-No. But you have.
-Me? I’m not pouting, I’m… cooking
-Try not to dwell on it too much. Nami sighed. Oh and, by the way, don’t make me fetch the mail ever again. »
She pushed a letter into Sanji’s hands and made her way to the door, oblivious to what she had just done. It was a white envelope, with Sanji’s name on it. With dread, the cook turned the envelope around. The letter had no sender. Sanji looked at the letter like it was a venomous snake ready to pounce.
With a shaky finger, he opened the letter. Better to rip off the band-aid than waiting too long.
« You’re an asshole. Don’t intervene in other people’s business again. »
Sanji’s breath came more easily. Knowing the algae-head, this letter was the closest thing he would have to be forgiven.
He got out of his kitchen and spotted the swordsman before seeing anyone else. Zoro was seated against the mast, looking at the two idiots playing ball. Once the black blur that was Sanji came into Zoro’s field of vision, they made eye contact. Sanji sent a nervous grin his way, and Zoro held his gaze.
“Don’t do that ever again”, the swordsman had written in his eyes.
And Sanji answered:
“Never”