Chapter Text
It has been a year since that person disappeared. His love had left, and no one knew why, or how, or even where he was. How could he have missed something that the person whom he loved with everything in him had left especially for him all that time ago? He silently cursed his own stupidity. It seemed as if that was all he did these days. It seemed as if that was all everyone did these days. Life was no longer worth living without him. He would go back to those years that he had lost him the first time. Would he ever return?
He shook his thoughts out of his head and silently opened what his husband had left for him so long ago, his hands slightly trembling. Cursing himself once more, he began to read the words left for him from so long ago.
My dear Lan Zhan,
I love you. I love you so much. You mean everything to me, and I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I have no idea how you went on for 13 years because I certainly would have gone insane by then. Anyways, that’s not the point of this letter.
The point of this letter was to say goodbye. To say goodbye to the plentiful lotus seed pods, and the bustling horde of rabbits, and the light of the ripened moon. To say goodbye to our shared jars of Emperor’s Smile, the lightning of Zidian, and the sounds of your guqin. To say goodbye to everything and everyone whom I love so very deeply. To say goodbye to that which I will never see again.
I want to give this body back. I think I may have figured out a way to return Mo Xuanyu to his rightful owner. I was never meant to return to this world. I should have stayed dead the first time. I had my chance to live, and I wasted it. I want this person to be able to learn how to properly use their chance, as I only learned far after my original lifetime had ended. I want him to turn away from the path that I went down.
You see, Lan Zhan, I was only on borrowed time, whether it be fate or my own damn conscience. And borrowed time always comes to an end, although this end is rather bittersweet.
I’m sorry, my love. I left you without saying goodbye. I guess I still had a slight hope that I wouldn’t end up gone completely. I did not want to leave you with another painful goodbye that would only result in one of us getting hurt.
I have to leave now. I have a favor to ask of you before I end this. Folded with this letter should be a drawing. Can you guess who it’s of? It’s you. It’s you. It’s you. There’s no flower on your head this time, haha! Please hold onto that drawing. I want you to always have at least one thing from me in this world, even if I myself am gone from it.
Please just know this. My love is always yours, wherever I am. Even if I am dead and gone, I’ll even come back as a fierce corpse to protect you. I long for the day when I’ll see you again, and yet I dread it. Because it means that the world has lost someone truly good. Someone that should never be lost, because he is so damn important.
I love you, Lan Zhan. My Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji. Er-gege. Hanguang-Jun. And every other single name that I have given you. I love you more than anything, and that will never change.
Wei Wuxian
Lan Wangji, putting a hand to his mouth, had to stifle sobs as tears ran down his face. Where was his love? Was he truly gone? Where did his Wei Ying go? He silently begged his husband to come back, wherever the man was. He already knew the answer to his pleas, but he still sent them out into the universe, hoping against hope that Wei Wuxian would come back. Where are you, Wei Ying? Where is the man I love? He would have screamed, were he able to form any sounds at all.
Although he forced himself to pick up the broken pieces of his life right there and continue on, he knew that he would be alone from then on. Wei Wuxian would not come back again.