Work Text:
Please read the Chinese version of my story here:
https://chenghuaiyangan.lofter.com/post/1ed71d76_1c9e3a606y
Eiji looked at his watch. 2 a.m. He had promised Ash not to wait up for him anymore. Ash had been really angry when he had still been awake the last time.
But Eiji just couldn’t help it. He could only sleep soundly if he knew that Ash was safe. Since Ash had been busy the last few days and came home quite late he hadn’t slept well for days, completely exhausted, but still too worried to sleep.
He was lying on his bed, feeling how his light headache slowly got worse and how his bloodshot eyes were burning, begging him for sleep that just wouldn’t come. Eiji noticed that he was shivering slightly. Had this room always been so cold? He finally put the blanket over himself.
But Ash didn’t understand that he couldn’t rest. Or sleep. Not until he knew that Ash had returned safely. Not until he had checked that he wasn’t badly hurt. That the blood on his clothes and his hands didn’t belong to him…
He hated that he couldn’t do anything else for him. That he couldn’t shield him or support him in any way. Or protect him. That he couldn’t switch places with him. He would do that in an instant, even if he knew he would get hurt in the process.
He wished he could take him away from his cruel and violent world. To escape from here, fly away with him, get him to the peaceful world he had always wished for. But even he wasn’t that naive. That was wishful thinking and way too simple. He knew he didn’t belong in this world, that he couldn’t even defend himself, let alone shoot someone. How could he even protect anyone?
So the only thing he could do was comfort Ash and show him that he wasn’t alone. He couldn’t protect his body, but he could at least protect his injured soul and his bleeding heart.
By simply being there for him when he returned. By making him realize he wasn’t alone. By convincing him that he was worthy of friendship, trust and comfort.
After dozing off for a while he finally heard the door silently opening and closing, then footsteps coming closer. He got up, walking towards him. Ash would get angry again, but he didn’t care.
Only when getting up he noticed something was seriously wrong. Earlier he had assumed it was because of his lack of sleep over the last few days, but now he noticed it was much more than that. He suddenly had a splitting headache and just getting up was an effort.
He put a hand on his forehead. Shit, he didn’t have a fever, did he? Surely it had been his imagination… The hand resting on his forehead was glistening with sweat. He didn’t want to cause Ash any more trouble. He was already a burden to him just by living here.
Ash would be completely worried when seeing him like that. He just couldn’t do that to him…
But Ash was way too smart not to notice his weakened state. He knew him too well and Eiji was incapable of hiding anything from him.
Maybe it was just a simple cold? Or he could sleep it off? At least he hoped so.
“Ash…?”, he asked quietly into the eerily silent hallway.
“Yeah, it’s me. Why the hell are you still up?”, he scolded him softly, anger and worry resonating in his voice, walking towards him.
Eiji ignored the question and his scolding tone while walking towards the door, wanting to greet him anyway. To see that he was really alright. Ash was standing in the semi-dark hallway, only partly illuminated because the light in their bedroom was switched on.
There were some sprinkles of blood on his white t-shirt and his jeans, but apart from that he seemed fine.
“I’m fine. It’s not my blood.”, Ash instantly said when seeing his worried look, trying to reassure him.
When he saw Ash was unharmed he was so relieved that all the tension left his body at once. He hadn’t noticed until now how heavy his legs had become and that he was shivering again, feeling suddenly cold all over. It couldn’t be the room temperature, since Ash was standing there in a t-shirt without freezing to death.
He felt completely drained all of a sudden and the exhaustion from always staying awake until the break of dawn had finally caught up to him. Everything started spinning around him as he stumbled towards him, nearly tumbling over.
The last thing he noticed was that strong arms caught him, asking him something in a panic-stricken voice before everything around him slowly faded into blackness.
The next thing Eiji remembered was that he was lying in bed, a blanket covering him. He heard a shaky voice echoing in the distance as if coming from really far away. The voice slowly came closer and grew louder until he could hear it more clearly.
“Eiji, what the hell happened? Are you ok?”, Ash asked, a mixture of fear and anger shaking his voice.
“A-Ash?”, Eiji asked, barely a whisper, feeling as if a truck had run him over.
“Yes, it’s me. Can you hear me?”, Ash asked, taking his hand.
“What happened? Where am I?”, trying to open his eyes, but closing them again when the light coming from the ceiling blinded him, hurting his eyes.
He could practically feel how Ash grew even more worried. The hand holding Eiji’s began shaking a little.
“You’re in our room. You were apparently waiting for me to return and fainted.”, Ash explained to him, his voice trembling barely noticeably.
Suddenly there was a cold but gentle hand touching his forehead. That cold touch felt so amazingly good against his burning skin that he wished it would stay there forever. He slowly opened his eyes again, feeling so tired, he could barely keep them open.
He felt a hand coming closer gently pushing the damp hair that had fallen partly over his eyes out of his face.
His vision was still a bit blurry. But even if he hadn’t known it was Ash sitting by his bedside, he’d have known instinctively that it could have only been him.
Because he was hesitating slightly as if wondering if that comforting gesture was allowed.
He had never learned how to show emotions or using small gestures to show worry, comfort or compassion. So he normally just copied the gestures that Eiji used towards him, like pushing Ash’s blond strands out of his face, putting them behind his ear, ruffling his hair or touching his cheek gently.
But Ash’s small gestures towards him were still hesitant and clumsy, but that‘s why Eiji totally lived for them. It meant so much more when Ash touched him than the other way around.
For Ash touching someone was not an easy task when touch for him had only meant violence and pain in the past. Ash sometimes still flinched at Eiji’s touch when it came out of nowhere. Therefore those gestures meant so much more when he initiated them.
Ash was convinced his hands could only kill and hurt others. He had actually been afraid to hurt Eiji at first. Eiji had tried to teach him that his hands could also be kind and gentle. That he could comfort him as well and make him feel at ease and protected. Safe.
Ash had slowly started believing him when he saw the truth in Eiji’s warm and honest eyes, leaning into his touch or relaxing completely when touched by him.
He was feeling so tired. His eyes were feeling like lead and he could barely keep them open.
But he had to reassure Ash first who looked at him as if he had been severely wounded and would die in the next 10 minutes and there was nothing Ash could do about it.
Eiji could practically drown in the fear and pain reflected in his eyes. Ash naturally blamed himself, thinking he had hurt Eiji again. That it had been his fault.
“I’m fine. Don‘t worry, Ash.”, Eiji told him stubbornly, trying to reassure him. But when he tried to sit up, he could practically hear the crack splitting his head in two. The world was spinning again and he placed a hand across his face, groaning in pain.
Ash just stared at him incredulously before rolling his eyes, pushing him gently down again. Eiji was immediately wide awake when Ash raised his voice, anger dripping off his words while his green eyed were practically glowing while glaring at him.
“Fuck, Eiji, you’ve just fainted and are still even paler than I am, goddammit. And you have a high fever. You stay in bed. And I’m not talking about the rest of the night, but about the next few days as well.”
“But – “, Eiji began, but Ash interrupted him coldly.
“No buts. You stay in bed, take some medication and rest.”, he told him sternly, but Eiji could still hear the concern lingering in the back of his voice.
“I’m sorry, but tomorrow you have to suffer through my cooking. It’s not as good, but I still think you’ll survive it.”, Ash added in a softer voice, smirking at him.
“But what about you? You can‘t babysit me the whole day. Don‘t you have plans to make or something? What about Dino? Or Arthur?” Eiji exclaimed, trying and failing to sit up again.
His headache got even worse and his vision got blurry again… He reached for his temples, trying desperately to ease the pain.
“Eiji, don’t worry. Dino will be away for a while, so we have some breathing space at the moment. But you have a high fever, ok? So lie down and rest. Listen to me for once, ok?”
When Eiji saw Ash’s troubled look, he gave in, letting Ash push him gently back into the cushions.
“You never sleep until I come home and are always the first to rise preparing food and coffee for everyone. I‘m really grateful for that, but be honest with me. When was the last time you slept more than 4 hours?”, Ash asked him, concern flooding his green eyes.
“I… that’s not… I just feel useless if I don’t do anything. Cooking and taking care of you and the rest of your gang is the only thing I can do.”, Eiji explained sadly.
“I know that you feel that way, but you’re wrong. You just weren’t born into this cruel world. You have no idea how much you help me just by being here, ok? It’s not just me. My whole gang is calmer when you’re here. You have the amazing talent of comforting everyone around you.”, he assured him seriously.
“I don’t want to imprison you here, but I just want you to be safe. To protect you from my harsh world. At the moment there’s nothing much to do because Dino had to leave the country. So his followers won’t dare to do anything either. So don’t worry about me and think about yourself for once, ok?”, he explained softly.
Eiji just nodded, his eyes closing again.
“Eiji, don’t sleep yet. Take your medication first.”, he scolded him softly. Ash handed him two pills and a glass of water.
“Take this, ok? Then sleep a bit.”
“Will you be here? You won’t run off somewhere dangerous without telling me? You promise?”, Eiji asked suspiciously after taking the pills with the glass of water.
Ash just stared at him, pure surprise displayed in his widening eyes. Then he smiled, taking the glass from him and putting it on the nightstand.
“Yeah, I promise. I’ll be right here and take care of you.”, he told him, placing a wet and cold cloth on his forehead. That coldness felt amazingly good, it made him relax instantly.
When Eiji saw the truth reflected in Ash’s eyes, relief flooded over him and he slowly drifted to a deep sleep.
When Eiji woke up the next time, Ash was really still there. He sat on a chair, reading some news on his tablet a frown of deep concentration on his face. When he heard Eiji moving, he looked up, his features softening instantly.
“Wow, that has to be the first and only time I got up earlier than you.”, he smirked at him.
“What time is it?”, Eiji asked, still drowsy, trying to adjust his tired eyes to the bright sunshine coming in through the window.
“4 pm.”, Ash grinned at him. “A real sleepy head.”
“What? I slept for 12 hours?”, Eiji exclaimed, completely horrified.
“I have to get up – “, Eiji started to say.
Ash glared at him, his green eyes burning brightly, as if on fire. “You don’t go anywhere until you’ve recovered completely.”, Ash frowned down at him.
“The only thing you’ll do is eat and drink something and then you’ll rest again.”, he instructed coldly.
But Eiji knew better. Ash only got so cold and angry when he worried about him. He was just bad at displaying his true feelings openly.
“Thank you, Ash.”, Eiji told him, smiling up at him softly.
“What for?”, Ash looked away from him, but he could still see the faint blush crossing his cheeks. When he blushed like that he looked really cute and like a normal 17-year-old teenager.
“Taking care of me. Worrying about me.”, he explained warmly.
“I’m not – , he tried to deny it stubbornly, crossing his arms while glaring at him. But his features had softened considerably.
Suddenly Alex came in. “Boss, I take care of the stuff now we’ve talked about earlier.”
Ash just nodded approvingly, the mask of a fearless gang leader immediately plastered across his face again.
Then Alex quickly leaned down to Eiji while Ash gave the rest of his gang some instructions.
“Ash was actually up much earlier than usual, so he could take care of everything before you woke up. He has even cooked something for you. He’s a nervous wreck and a real pain in the ass today, ordering us around in a bad temper and glaring at us coldly. Please get well soon or we won’t survive the next few days.”, Alex pleaded.
Eiji smiled at him, whispering “I’ll try my best.”
Ash shot an ice-cold glare at Alex when he caught him whispering something to Eiji.
“What the fuck did you tell him, Alex?”
“Just told him to get better soon.”, Alex said, shrugging.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything, Boss.”, he added, disappearing quickly with the others before Ash had a chance to react to that.
When his gang had left, Ash pushed a bowl of chicken soup into Eiji’s hands.
“Eat that.” In a softer tone he added “You’ll feel better.”
“Wow, that’s really good!”, Eiji exclaimed happily, color slowly returning to his face.
“Why do you look so surprised?”, Ash complained, sitting down at his bedside.
“My brother used to cook it for me when I got sick.”, he admitted quietly. “I’ve never told that to anyone else before.”
“Thanks for telling me, Ash. You must really miss your brother.”, Eiji added seriously.
Eiji could see the stubborn denial on his face, but then Ash looked directly at him and his expression changed to a softer one.
“Yeah, he was the only family I had. I could always count on him.”, he agreed.
“He was a lot like you.”, he said, smiling sadly. “Always putting other people first and never thinking about himself.”
When Eiji looked at Ash, he apparently had a miserable look on his face.
Because Ash asked “Feeling sorry for me again?”
“Yes.”, Eiji replied. There was no point in denying it.
After a while Ash looked at Eiji carefully, handed him a glass of water and some medication and told him to rest again.
Eiji just nodded, utterly exhausted from sitting up for 15 minutes, beads of sweat running down his forehead.
Ash helped him lie down again, wiping his forehead and checking his temperature.
“You still have a fever although it’s not as bad as before.”
He placed another wet cloth on his forehead again.
“Rest a bit, ok? I’m here.”, he told him while sitting on a chair next to his bed, putting on his glasses and opening a book.
“I love it when you’re wearing glasses.”, Eiji told him, smiling weakly.
“Makes me look really smart, huh?”, Ash grinned at him.
“That, too. But you look like a normal college student when wearing them.”
“Thanks, but I’ve never even finished high school.”
“You can always finish that at a later point. You’re really smart.”, Eiji assured him.
“Not as long as I’m here. I can never outrun my past. Or my relation to Dino.”, Ash replied, utter resignation running over his face.
“Then come to Japan with me.”, Eiji simply said, yawning.
“You can’t be serious, Eiji!”, Ash exclaimed incredulously.
“But I am. You can call me innocent, naive or a daydreamer, but one day when this is all over I want to take you to Japan. To a world without weapons. A peaceful world where you can work at a library and I’ll become a photographer.”
The last thing Eiji saw before falling asleep again was Ash’s surprised face before telling him: “I’d love to go there someday.”, a dreamy look on his face, as if trying to imagine that.
When he woke up again, it was apparently in the middle of the night. It was completely dark, only the New York skyline illuminated the room a little.
When he shifted slightly there was some sleepy complaint next to him. Eiji nearly jumped, completely surprised for a second. But then he realized it was Ash and calmed down instantly.
Ash was lying next to Eiji, a completely relaxed expression on his face for once, some blond strands having fallen over his eyes, sleeping soundly. His head was next to Eiji’s right shoulder while his right arm was draped over him, his hand holding his left upper arm as if protecting him.
Eiji couldn’t help but smile at him, wondering why Ash had decided to sleep next to him. Usually Ash never did that without Eiji encouraging him first, usually after a nightmare. Ash had never done that on his own before.
He felt a bit better, but since he was still tired and it was in the middle of the night, he tried to sleep again. He didn’t really have a choice anyway because there was a blond gang leader draped halfway over him, making it impossible for him to move without waking him up, too.
Eiji woke up once more when Ash moved a little, placing his head subconsciously on his chest, still asleep.
Eiji just smiled and ruffled Ash’s blonde hair affectionately, receiving only a soft mumbling sound from him in return.
He just stayed like this, enjoying the peaceful moment and didn’t want to wake Ash when he slept so peacefully. He had never seen Ash sleeping so soundly before and realized he had probably been worried about him a lot. The harsh reality would come back soon enough.
After another hour Eiji felt Ash shifting as he turned his head, still drowsy, his eyes clouded with sleep, looking up at him in confusion.
“Eiji?”, he asked sleepily. “Why am I sleeping on top of you?”
Eiji just grinned at him. “You tell me. I have no idea when that has happened. Although I don’t mind. I’ve never seen you sleep so soundly and peacefully. But you probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll…”, Ash began, trying to get up. Eiji quickly grabbed his hand.
“No, it’s not what you think. You can sleep next to me anytime you want. I only said that because I have a fever and I don’t want you to get sick as well.”, Eiji explained patiently, anticipating that Ash would misinterpret that again.
“Oh, that’s what you meant.”
Ash lay down next to him again. “Now I remember again why I’ve done that. Your fever had gotten worse in the evening and I was afraid that I wouldn’t notice if your condition got more serious while sleeping in my bed”, he explained.
“So I thought I’d notice if I slept next to you. But I hadn’t intended to sleep on top of you. Sorry.”, he clarified while a flush of embarrassment crossed his face.
“Thank you for looking out for me, Ash. It looked as if you wanted to protect me. I was just surprised someone was lying next to me.”
Ash moved closer to him and checked his temperature once more.
“You still have a slight fever, but it has been going down considerably.”, he told him, pure relief crossing his face.
“What about some fresh air? On the balcony. Can you walk there?”, Ash asked him.
“Yeah, I think so.”
Eiji’s legs felt a bit wobbly and he was staggering slightly. So Ash put Eiji’s arm around his shoulders.
Eiji wanted to complain, the stubborn reply was already on his tongue, but then he saw Ash’s soft expression, a half-smile plastered across his face.
So he swallowed it down and decided to let Ash help him and spoil him a little. He loved it when Ash acted like a normal teenager, relaxing and smiling, pouting and blushing, smirking and bickering. He wished to see that side of him more often.
He knew that Ash’s life didn’t allow him to show that side often. But Ash felt comfortable enough around him to let him see his vulnerable and softer side. And he wanted to cherish every moment of it.
Ash put a blanket around his shoulders because he had noticed at once that Eiji had started shivering slightly.
After Eiji had sat down, Ash brought them some tea and they enjoyed the moment outside while the sun was warming them. After enjoying the fresh air for a while, Ash brought their empty cups back to the kitchen, telling Eiji to wait for him.
Eiji felt much better after the tea and the fresh air, so he tried to get up on his own, but then he realized that that hadn’t been such a great idea. At all.
His feet still felt wobbly and he staggered while the world around him turned upside down again. Luckily Ash caught him at the last second.
“Fuck, Eiji, can’t you listen to me for once? Only once? Is that too much to ask, you stubborn idiot?”, Ash exclaimed angrily, but Eiji saw the worry overwhelming his green eyes and immediately felt guilty.
“I’m sorry, Ash. I didn’t want to be a burden. Can you help me get to our room again?”, he asked sheepishly, casting his eyes downward in embarrassment.
Ash’s frown softened instantaneously as he put Eiji’s arm around his shoulders again.
“You’re never a burden, Eiji, ok? You’re the best thing ever happening to me. You taught me that there are still good people in this world. Even people who want to protect me. And people who are worth protecting. Like you. I’ll always protect you.”
“And I’ll do the same.”, Eiji added.
“I can protect m –“, Ash complained, but Eiji interrupted him softly.
“Yes, I know. But even if I know that I still want to protect you, too. Maybe I can’t protect your body, but I’ll protect your injured soul and your bleeding heart. Forever.”, Eiji clarified.
“Sounds like one of your cheesy Korean dramas. But when you say it, it actually has a nice ring to it. And you really mean it, it’s written all over your too honest face.” Ash smirked at him.
Eiji pouted, practically feeling the faint blush crossing his features while looking away from him.
Ash removed the blanket from his shoulders and then placed Eiji gently on the bed again, pulling the blanket over him.
Eiji was completely exhausted and out of breath from these few steps, his face was covered in sweat again.
That was so embarrassing, he didn’t want Ash to see him like that, in that pathetic state. But Ash’s eyes narrowed with worry while he had such a caring expression on his face and was smiling barely noticeably at the same time that he just couldn’t do it.
Ash wiped his face and forehead again, moving his damp hair gently out of the way, his eyes darkening with concern when seeing him like that.
“Don’t worry, Ash. I just need some rest. That’s all. I’m sorry I give you so much trouble.”, he said, feeling guilty again.
“Eiji, you’re neither a burden, nor trouble to me. Stop saying things like that.”, Ash said, his eyes softening again while he gently ruffled his hair. His touch put Eiji at ease and he was falling asleep again.
Shortly before that, he looked at Ash’s relaxed features, a faint smile dancing on his lips. His shining green eyes looked happy and radiated compassion while he bent down and gently plastered a soft kiss on his forehead.
That was the moment Eiji swore to himself that he’ll always protect Ash at all costs. Especially that happy smile and his peaceful sleeping face.
One day when this was all over he’ll get him out of here. Then he’d see that softer and more vulnerable side of him every day.
Forever.