Chapter Text
“Isn’t it a beautiful day, Gundham? Thank you for coming here with me! I’m truly glad you could find the time to interrupt your rituals.”
He allowed his gaze to shift upwards, taking in the afternoon skies. Not a cloud interrupted the cyan expanse, nor was there a breeze blowing. And yet, the temperature was as stable as it had been for the rest of their time here on the island. At first he’d found it unsettling, a place without weather. What awe-inspiring magic did their lagomorphic teacher hold, to ignore the order of nature itself? A place without any danger or problems at all… surely no such paradise existed.
But everything he’d experienced in this place so far seemed to point towards the fact that, perhaps, it did. Their lives had been impressively averse to trials or disaster, with the rest of their classmates spending their days crafting knick-knacks for silly prize tickets or exploring. He’d mostly stuck to the first island (clearly the best choice, given that it had a beach, the hotel that made up their main base of operations, and most importantly, the ranch). At times, he’d also ventured to the park to admire the statue of the island’s four god-like beasts and pay his respects.
He’d seen no need to visit anywhere else, content to spend his time practicing sorcery or training with his four-legged comrades. However, despite his best attempts to remain aloof and out of his peer group’s childish schemes, one of them insisted on trying to get close, no matter how often he warned her otherwise. She was as stubborn as the largest bull, and she had an uncanny knack for whittling down his defenses. Over the past two or three weeks, he’d finally relented and allowed her to join him for simpler tasks, as long as she kept a safe distance from any chalk or salt lines and didn’t open his more advanced tomes. She… was quite an adept student. For a mortal. Full of vigor and many questions, eager to learn and listen.
The Dark Devas found her a worthy accomplice, and he was inclined to agree. She was also in the habit of bringing divine offerings of coveted dried pumpkin seeds whenever she visited, which was highly appreciated. And her bejewled hair brush. Jum-P was especially fond of that.
So when this morning she’d pulled him aside immediately after breakfast and asked if he would accompany her on her journey to the mysterious ‘Amusement Park’, his companions urged him to indulge her. It would be a new experience for the both of them, and since he’d chosen all of their activities so far, it seemed only fair that he tip the scales in her favour once in a blue moon.
It was… amusing, to see her smile. Even if it also caused the strangest curses to befall him, like the distinct feeling that there was a hoard of moths flapping around in his stomach. And that all of their wings were aflame.
Perhaps the sudden onset of nerves was simply his overwhelming eagerness to rush out of the hotel and across the bridges before that goblin follower of hers tracked them down. Hell seemed to have given him a break today, because they had managed to make it all the way to the gate without a magenta braid in sight.
He brought his gaze away from the sky and back down to Earth, studying the princess standing next to him. “The pleasure is mine, dear maiden. After all, a sorcerer of my caliber couldn’t allow you to explore such a place alone. Who knows what lurks in the castle beyond?” An ominous chuckle slipped from his lips as he stared at the looming building in the distance. Truly an impressive structure. And as for the fine weather… “The warm sun today will also be excellent for my Dark Devas to bask in.”
“Yes, I do hope they enjoy themselves!” She held her hands out, waiting patiently for permission, and the lowest ranking Deva crawled down to sit in her palm, gracing her with the pleasure of being allowed to pet him. “They’ve been working so hard lately, they deserve a vacation!” the blonde cooed, scratching just the right spot for Jum-P to doze off. “You deserve one too, of course! Sometimes I worry you overwork yourself!”
“What a preposterous statement!” he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at her. “Perhaps you mortals find my activities taxing, but I daresay I’ve only been using two-thirds of my power! It would take far more to overwhelm a demon overlord!” he assured her, striking one of his best power-poses to illustrate his point.
She marveled very appropriately at his intimidating stance and the supernatural energies swirling from his aura, a serene smile on her lips. “It’s good that you aren’t weary, but either way, it’s still good to get out and do something new, isn’t it? Perhaps you’ll even unlock different kinds of magic here!”
That wasn’t exactly how it worked, but he appreciated her attempt to bring up the subject. She would learn how magic truly worked in time.
“Well, if you are ready to cease our pointless chatter, I believe we have formidable terrain to explore...” he prompted, gesturing inside the gate. “Let us hesitate no longer!”
“Of course! Thank you, Gundham!” The princess placed the dozing Jum-P back into his scarf before she dipped her head and took the lead, almost skipping into the massive park. He strode behind her with a wiser dose of caution, studying the area for any potential threats.
It was a rather chaotic place, with different structures packing the streets and even more towering overhead and looping around them. Several establishments seemed ready to offer provisions to replenish their energy, and there were many intriguing tests of skill or courage lining one boardwalk. They appeared to offer prizes, although he was unsure how useful any of them would be. They seemed more like small man-made trinkets than any substantial reward for such herculean tasks.
One building sat far beyond the others, tucked back in the shadows. A decrepit house, or what had once been one before its corpse had rotted beyond recognition. Broken glass and cobwebs seemed to decorate every open, glowing window, and he could hear distinct cackling and screams coming from within its bowels. A homestead for the dead, clearly, with ominous energy cascading from every pore...
There were also many horrific torture devices stationed around them. Whatever monstrous demons or traps lurked in the castle, surely they paled in comparison to the ones out here. Rockets left to flail on little more than a piece of string soared above, and to the far right he could see a devilish wooden boat designed to plunge down a mountain waterfall. Not to mention a winding maze of metal tracks that seemed to encompass the skies wherever he looked, occasionally carrying a bullet train that whipped by before he could blink.
His Dark Devas shook under his scarf when they noticed how closely the princess was studying the labels near each torture device, and he was beginning to wonder if he’d made a grave error coming here.
Still, even if he had, he would fight against his impending death until the very end. To do otherwise would be cowardly, not to mention ill-mannered. He had already committed to visiting this strange new world, and he couldn’t abandon a woman here all by herself. Especially not when she’d been so considerate as to invite him in the first place. So he took a breath to steel himself, muttered a select few sentences in tongues to encourage his Devas, and increased his stride until he was beside the princess once again.
Thankfully, she paused to point at something far less sickening than everything they had come across thus far.
“Ooh, let us ride the ‘Carousel’ first!” the princess cried, staring up at the whimsical device. He had actually used these once or twice as a fledgling, although of course those had been much smaller in scale, taking mere quarters. But here, nothing seemed to require any sort of payment.
“Ahahah, a most excellent choice indeed, maiden! Now, let us see which beast is a worthy mount for the ruler, Gundham Tanaka! ” He stalked around the contraption, taking in every angle and examining the many creatures on display. They were truly divine models, crafted with care and adorned in fine golden trappings and colourful saddles. Gentle squeaks found their way into his ear, and he brought his right arm in front of him, waiting as San-D scampered across. She had stuffed her sunflower seeds into her cheeks to leave both paws free, now pointing animatedly at a particular beast. “Yes, that one is perfect! Such speed and power, and finely-tuned senses beyond measure!”
As he leapt onto the pole and got situated, ensuring all four of his companions were safely seated where they would have a proper view, the princess clapped her hands. “Oh, a bunny rabbit! How adorable! Hmm, I’ll go with… this one then!” She hurried over to climb on top of a male lion directly behind him, its jaws parted with fangs bared and its paws stretched outwards. Once they began moving, it would surely be leaping to sink its claws into his flanks.
“I suppose that is a decent enough second-choice.” he chuckled, studying the predator one more time. “The lion has many impressive attributes. And its glorious mane suits your own regality.” That last comment had been a mere observation, but he began to regret it the moment it had left his traitorous lips. Was that too forward of a compliment? Something that could be misconstrued?
The princess did not seem off put, thank the devil. If anything, she was flattered , grinning at him with a smile that could rival any full moon’s glow. “Really, you think so? I actually chose this one for its muscular structure, but I suppose our hair does have a similarity!” After a moment of comparing her own mane to that of the ceramic statue beneath her, she sat back up and gripped the pole, her fingers drumming against it. “Hmm… Gundham, do you know how we are supposed to activate this contraption? If there is no payment required, and no one here to operate it, how do you suppose it knows when to mo- Oh my! ”
In the middle of her sentence, they’d both had to scramble to grasp their mounts, the world beginning to rise up and down around them. All at once, their surroundings flared to life! Lights of white and pale pastels twinkled around them from the borders of the ride’s canopy, just faintly visible in the daylight. Organ music and music box tunes swelled up from what sounded like every direction, their chosen beasts beginning to bob and bound to the beat. If he had to hazard a guess, he would say that this park was enchanted with a powerful and quite advanced aura-reading spell, making it perfectly equipped to serve its guests' whims at all times. She would likely say it had something to do with their teacher, remote technology, and the many spying devices littered around the islands, but that was just preposterous. If Miss Usami had any way of assisting them, it was certainly through her magic wand.
Nevertheless, the reasoning behind these events did not matter. Either way, the fact remained that this ride, and the scenery around them, was glorious!
As they began to pick up the pace, he glanced back at the maiden behind him, only to see her reaching out for the end of his trailing scarf. Strands of spun gold billowed behind her, more than resembling the feline chasing after him, and he caught the playful gleam in her eye.
“Cats chase rodents, do they not?” the princess called, just missing the purple cloth by a few inches. “How agilely can you and your Devas leap?”
“Swiftly and high enough to avoid your reach!” he taunted, leaning forwards while his comrades rushed to pull his trailing garment back towards them. “See how close we are to reaching the ceiling of this tent? I daresay if we wished, we could soar right out of it in a single bound!” He cackled, reaching up to try and tap the top of the ride. His fingertips just barely brushed it.
“Your pride is admirable, but do not allow it to turn into foolishness. You are not invincible, and you cannot run in circles forever!” While her own wicked cackle still had room for improvement, it was a worthy attempt for such a kind-hearted soul. “When your beast grows tired, I shall be directly behind to capture you! And then you will be at my mercy!”
He had not expected this battle of jests, but he certainly wasn’t opposed to it. Nay, it was a welcome challenge, a testing of mettle he had yet to experience on this island. Most of his peers were cowards or imbeciles, unfit to go toe-to-toe with him and his mighty army. But this girl… yes, her boldness, unflinching in the face of his power… it was impressive indeed. The casualty with which she provoked him implied she was certain she could win, and sometimes, he almost found himself wishing she would...
However, the excitement of such a prospect was not entirely a pleasant feeling. It was also deeply unsettling. Mostly because it had unsettled the hoard of hellfire moths fluttering inside his organs again. They were growing more restless than before, and combined with the spinning of this ride, he would be foolish to pretend he wasn’t concerned. Vomiting half-digested insects onto the floor of this device was not an appropriate response to this situation, not only because it would be showing weakness, but also because it was blasphemously disgusting.
In fact, he was unable to echo her laughter anymore, keeping his lips closed to offer her a mere smirk before he turned back around, hunching forwards to focus on their ‘race’. Maga-Z, ever dominant with the females of his own species, nipped at his bandaged arm for his cowardice. ‘Are you not the highest ranking of the humans? The alpha of our pack?’, Maga-Z aimed to remind him, and he tried to shoo the little devil back up to his shoulder. ‘Then why do you not move to claim what is yours? When Jum-P invaded, I chased him away, and then I attacked Cham-P, and even you when you foolishly intervened. I have no fear, and I enjoy my spoils!’ Finally, his battle-scarred companion climbed back up to chitter in his ear, although he had no desire to listen to what his friend was saying. ‘ And yet when the fanged low-rank encroaches, you do nothing. When you have a chance to gain favour now, you withdraw. You are letting a worthy mate slip-’
“Silence, you irksome pest!” he hissed under his breath. The steam coming from his ears must have burned Maga-Z, because he finally scampered into the folds of the scarf without another word. He would discuss the creature’s insubordination later, but for now, he was simply grateful to avoid further interrogation.
There were no moves to be made, how could his comrade not understand that? His relationship with the maiden was destined to remain like this ride. They were to maintain a comfortable distance, a barrier that couldn’t be crossed. If she attempted to get too close, he would step back and cast another salt-line in the sand. He could offer her mentorship, or even the occasional outing like this, but nothing more.
There would never be significant progress, and perhaps eventually, she would tire of trying.
That was for the best. He could not afford to become entangled with a mortal, and he could not bring the plagues of himself and his life’s dangers upon her…
Still, as the ride finally began to slow to a crawl, and then their beasts paws alighted upon the ground once more, he found it was difficult to avoid giving in to temptation. As soon as he’d managed to climb down off of his mount, the princess had seemingly teleported in front of him, slapping her hands onto the rabbit. He was now trapped in a cage, his back pressed against the statue, and her arms and che- face blocking him on either side.
“Mwahahaha! See, I have finally captured you! No one can outrun the mighty Novoselic lion!”
“So it appears…” he murmured, fighting to keep his tone apathetic. It was a task made rather difficult when she seemed to have stolen all of the oxygen from the air. “What, praytell, do you… plan to do with me?”
Her lips quirked, a smile that would have been serene if not for the devilish mischief sparkling in her eyes. A proper trickster, she was. “Drag you with me to the next attraction, of course! Since I’ve won, I should get to pick our next venture, yes?”
Slowly, he found himself releasing a breath he didn’t realize his lungs had entrapped. So she simply wanted to take him to another part of this magical land. Of course.
He supposed the wise thing to do would be to decline. Claim that this one activity had been enough, that he had urgent tasks on his schedule to complete elsewhere on the islands. To put some space between them for a while, at least until the bewitchments tormenting his chest and stomach settled.
That would have been the wise and noble thing, but instead he found his mouth and body puppeteered by an unknown deity. Despite every plan to the contrary, he grinned and dipped his head, humming his approval. “Very well, princess. While I am not ordinarily one to be captured or take commands from mortals, just this once , I will do whatever you say.” He couldn’t help the strange, burning energy rushing through his veins, raising his voice as she stepped away to give him room to pose. “Lead me wherever you wish! I shall follow you to the very gallows if you so choose!”
Just this once.
To brush his duties aside for just this one day was acceptable, certainly?
~~~
How utterly foolish he was, to dare believe he wouldn’t be punished for his hubris. The gods of hell were determined to strike back at him for his sins, and they had picked a most dastardly punishment. As he stared up at the massive torture device, feeling his bones rattling from his toes to his teeth, his blood turning to ice and prickling his skin, and his bladder threatening to void like a startled pup, he wondered why he had ever thought a mere mortal woman was worth this.
But then a voice of pure enchantment called his name, and limbs that should have been dead and heavy as stone began to step forwards and into the cart. He wasn’t in control of his own arms, watching from outside his corporeal form as they pulled a black bar down to trap him to the seat. His heart pulsed frantically, pleading to escape the jail cell before it risked stopping for eternity, but he was powerless to assist. No, he was doomed to sit here in this metal death chamber, next to the sorceress who had commanded him here.
At least his Devas were all going to survive, he thought dimly, casting a quick glance at the park bench they were all sitting on. Eight sorrowful eyes stared up at him, conveying affection, loyalty, and mourning. He hoped he was an adequate Master, and that they would all find a worthy caretaker to replace him.
“I’m sorry they can’t join us…” the maiden sighed. “But you were correct, this would be too loud for their poor little ears! And we certainly wouldn’t want them to blow away from the g-force!” Brightening up slightly, she gave a light wave of farewell to his comrades. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to bring him back safely! And then we’ll get you all a treat! Now, hold on Gundham!”
He did not exactly have a choice in the matter. His fingers had locked into a death grip on the bar the moment he’d sat down, and as soon as they began to move his knuckles grew whiter than bleached bone.
I do not fear death. I do not fear death. I do not fear death-
The agonizing crawl to the top of the hill ceased for a few moments. In those heartbeats, a blanket of suffocating silence seemed to fall over them both, over the world itself. Neither of them dared to breathe or move a muscle, staring at the vast expanse of sky ahead of them with bated breath. Time itself stood still, and he briefly wondered if he had managed to cast that exact effect in a spell.
Then the ground began rocketing upwards to meet them in a rush of wailing wind, and his soul was torn from his body in a gut wrenching howl.
Please forgive me for my moment of weakness, oh mighty Dark Lord! Demons of hell, I beg of you, do not drag me down to join you just yet!
He barely registered the squeals of unbridled joy coming from his fellow passenger. His throat was raw, his screams slowly withering into silent terror. He could feel every ounce of blood evaporating from his body, positive he was paler than a winter phantom.
I have so many tasks left to accomplish! Your work to carry on! My demon beasts to tame!
The world lurched around and around until the sky was on the ground and the ground was in the sky, and his prayers grew in their desperation. This was deeper than hell. This was deeper than True Hell. This was the ninth-no, the tenth layer of hell. They had transcended from a theme park ride into the tortuous journey of the damned!
Please allow my pitiful sack of flesh to survive on this mortal plane another day, and I will press my face into the dirt and prostrate myself before you!
In a rare and exceedingly gracious show of mercy, they allowed him to live. As the deadly instrument lurched to a screeching halt, the breath once again knocked from his wretched corpse, the prison bar was raised. The world was still spinning and blurring, but he did see the princess getting out and holding the cart door for him, a downright manic smile on her face.
“Wasn’t that fun, Gundham!?! This ‘roller coaster’ was even more impressive than I imagined! Oh, I don’t believe I’ve ever had such an exhilarating experience before! Even the yearly military practice battles in Novoselic don’t compare to this!”
He could not give her an adequate response, seeing as he was utterly incapable of speech for the moment. Perhaps his vocal chords had been stolen by demons during the ride, or he simply destroyed them with all of his guttural wails. As it was, he was struggling to pull the breath back into his lungs. When he gathered the strength of will to climb out of the car, every molecule in his measly human shell seemed to quake. His field of vision was swiftly encroached upon by black and white specks, which he might have mistaken for the ability to see new auras, if not for the ringing filling his ears.
He was dimly aware of fur brushing his neck and paws tapping his cheeks. So his pack had returned to him in his final hours… Yes, if he was to die after all, collapse to the ground right now, it would be a worthy send-off now that they were here...
“Gundham?” When he failed to register the call, the maiden snapped her fingers in front of him, finally managing to snap him out of his stupor. “ Gundham, are you alright? You look terribly pale! Are you ill?”
“Just… simply basking in the afterglow…” he managed to gasp out, forcing himself to stay standing despite the increasingly comfortable look of the cobblestone floor. “I haven’t experienced such divine torture and chaos in many years on this mortal plane… My cells are still absorbing the demonic energy I have been exposed to.”
“Ah, I see…” The princess didn’t seem like she saw very clearly at all, cocking her head at him and allowing the creases in her forehead to stay. “Well, if your cells need time to recharge before you are at full power again, perhaps we could find a place to sit?”
“If your pitiful mortal body is in need of rest, you needn’t be ashamed to admit so.” he chuckled, stepping forwards with the assistance of the Devas pointing out which direction he should be walking in. Yes, with their divine senses, he could navigate blindly! Or at least, while his vision was still spotting and his inner ear was utterly shot. “As eager as I am for our next harrowing quest, I shall be patient.”
The maiden stayed remarkably close to him as he walked, keeping her hands raised as if she half-expected to have to catch him. How absurd. He was perfectly capable of movement, and the bravest of adventurers knew to stray from the straight paths! Zig-zagging was an advantage, not a weakness!
“Very well. You know, the sun above suggests it is midday. I believe it would be best to take this break to nourish ourselves, don’t you agree? We passed some tables near the booths earlier, we could have a picnic!” She seemed delighted at the prospect. Frankly, the idea of ingesting anything at the moment made his innards churn with disgust. Or perhaps they were just churning in general. Yet another hideous symptom from that last attraction…
“I suppose that would be an amicable way to spend our period of rest…” he murmured. “Although I do not require nearly as much sustenance as you do, mortal. I could survive on an empty stomach for days if need be!”
“Yes, I am certain you could. But that isn’t needed today, is it?” How dare she question him in such a manner, pointing out the obvious! A crafty one indeed, turning his own phrasing against him. “You must maintain your strength!” she emphasized, with a determination in her gaze that made it difficult to argue. He murmured the vaguest acquiescence, and she seemed satisfied, smiling at him before her attention shifted to the assistants on his shoulders. “Oh, and I did promise the Devas a treat! Surely there are at least a few confections here that they would enjoy?”
“I believe I smelled some popped corn during our previous trek.” he advised, unable to help a hint of a smile as his comrades perked up. “As long as it is untainted by salts or sweets, they shall consider that a worthy penance for your earlier crimes of abandonment!”
“Then I shall get them the finest of plain popcorn!” the maiden vowed proudly. As they finally approached the picnic tables, she urged him to sit down, and he was all too ready to oblige, nearly collapsing onto the pink-painted bench. “Please wait here and keep them entertained!” the princess commanded. “I shall return promptly!”
As she skipped away towards the food stalls, he set the Devas down onto the table, then rubbed at his temples with a deep exhale. The fact that the princess found ‘fun’ in that ordeal was a concept he couldn’t grasp, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to probe for answers. Whatever wickedness allowed her to find entertainment in such torture was a darkness even he wouldn’t prefer to touch…
Still, mortals led far less exciting lives than his own kind, so he would let her get her thrills where she could. There was something admirable about the way she faced death head on. Or perhaps she was simply oblivious to how dangerous that contraption was. Foolishness and bravery were two sides of the same coin, after all.
He continued to sit there in contemplation, absentmindedly stroking San-D’s cheeks (for once not swollen with sunflower seeds, as she saved room for an even more-coveted treat). Now that he was in silence and on solid ground, his body was finally beginning to recover from the hell he’d been through. The dizziness and shuddering of his limbs was fading, and his heartbeat was returning to normal. He was still gripped by vague nausea, of course, but the Devas would get to feast, and that was his true priority.
However, there was one symptom that had not dissipated, and that realization frayed at his nerves. The nagging urge in his bladder had not been a single moment of fight-or-flight instinct, but remained pulsing, and he shifted in his seat with a huff of discontent. So this was his true punishment then. The ‘roller coaster’ had merely been an added bit of amusement for the demons below.
This was going to be… most inconvenient.
He supposed he himself was to blame as much as fate itself. After all, he was the fool who had run off after breakfast without once thinking to take care of things first. In his haste to avoid one enemy during his trip with the princess, he’d only made an enemy of his own body. And then he’d allowed himself to become so distracted with these silly human rides that he hadn’t spared attention for his own signals.
Oh, the gods of hell were surely cackling at him now. To display such arrogance, to think he could defy the very nature of his being in order to appease a divine maiden… yes, he deserved to have his ego whittled down, chipped away by the incessant reminder of his weakness so that he couldn’t become truly enraptured by this trip.
I have received your message, you sadistic fiends…
He would accept this lesson in humility, and the time limit they had now set for him. However, he was still bound by his word to finish out the day. Even if the forces beyond forbade him from courting a mortal woman, they would not approve of him abandoning her in her hour of need either. An oath was an oath, and one bound by spoken word was just as bona fide as one bound in blood.
He would have no difficulty managing this task. He was thoroughly trained in the art of persevering in the face of difficult circumstances, even his own limitations. Whether it be sleep deprivation during night vigils, or subduing a panicked beast whilst bleeding from open wounds, he would pass any test.
The solution to this one was simple, at least. He would only have to limit his liquid intake for the remainder of the day, perhaps bordering on dehydration. That would allow him to account for plenty of time to trek back to his lair on the first island after they left this place.
“I have returned, Divine Ones!” He forced himself to sit up as the princess took her place across from him. She was carrying quite a hoard in her arms, and he began to wonder if he should have accompanied her to assist. “I bring you this offering, I hope it pleases you!” With a respectful bow, she set a large open bag of plain popcorn in the middle of the table, its glorious cloudy kernels spilling out in a bounty. The Devas dove in without hesitation, squeaking and squealing as they stuffed their cheek pouches with reckless abandon.
“You have gained their favour… for the time being.” he chuckled. His gaze soon travelled to the assortment of other items she was arranging. “What is the meaning of all this?”
“I believe this place may have delicacies even Teruteru has yet to discover!” she explained, gesturing to the feast she’d now spread out before them. “I have never seen so many dishes with these glimmering coatings! And I certainly have never been served some of these deserts! They have even managed to make ice cream hard!”
A true buffet of fried confections, indeed. She had managed to locate nearly every grease-coated object in the vicinity. Unless there was vegetation hidden in at least one of the orbs of dough, he would wager there wasn’t a natural option to be found. Fair enough. He had eaten a quite nourishing breakfast earlier, with more than enough sustenance to have energy for the day.
“Yes, mortals certainly know how to create… intriguing dishes.” he murmured, hoping that would suffice. “Please, indulge yourself. I hope you delight in the experience.”
“Oh? You don’t wish to have any? You really must eat something! ” Ugh, she was looking up at him with such concern… as if she might be stabbed through the chest if he were to refuse. He studied the provisions available, debating which would be the least dangerous to his current condition.
“This offering will suffice.” He reached towards one of the piles of snow she had sitting in cups, decorated with differently coloured syrups. This one had been appropriately bloodied, scarlet stains in dark contrast to the light strawberry flavour. True, the snow would melt into liquid eventually, but that would be preferable to trying to choke down anything with more weight. He already had a hoard of worms writhing within his stomach, anxiety niggling whenever the maiden smiled at him. Her expression was far too warm, casting beams to heat his own face.
“Alright then.” The princess reached for some fried bread on a stick, only to pause. “Oh yes, I’d nearly forgotten. You need to stay hydrated as well! Here, I thought these looked quite interesting!” Before he could protest, she passed him a brightly-labeled can, the condensation on his hand alone threatening to make him shiver. “I am used to wine and water, or the occasional fruit punch, but I have only ever seen these during animated programs! If you shake them, they become an improvised grenade, yes?”
“They are formidable weapons in devilish hands, yes…” he murmured. “I do not recommend attempting such tomfoolery, unless you have access to holy water to cleanse yourself.” It may entertain her in the moment, but surely she would not enjoy becoming akin to a slug’s stickiness for the remainder of the day.
“Ah, that is an excellent point…” she giggled, setting her own can down carefully upon the table. “Very well, I will use surgical precision.” As she took care to open her own, taking experimental sips and commenting about the strangeness of the bubbles, he stared at his own can.
‘Soda’ was a wicked, unnatural concoction, and ordinarily he would never deign to bring it past his lips. It was only a few steps removed from the most potent of acids, burning flesh of the mouth, and had the additional effects of leaving his entire form convulsing with jitters and the triple heart-rate of a domesticated feline. It would also make the demanding presence in his abdomen even more difficult to ignore, which he would truly prefer to avoid.
However, even if he loathed it as much as he did the man who shared its name, it would be a most dastardly sin to reject an offering from such a kindhearted woman. If he could manage to ingest poison for years just to appease the angel who created it, he could stand to swallow whatever this well-meaning princess burdened him with. She did not deserve to be offended or brushed aside.
Ignoring the concerned stares of Cham-P and Jum-P, who had no doubt realized his predicament by this point, he forced himself to keep sipping from the can while the maiden started chattering away, still enthusiastic about the death trap they had just escaped from. Fortunately, he was well-practiced in hiding any revulsion from his face, and she remained blissfully unaware of his discomfort on both accounts. When he had finished the frozen treat and his drink and she implored him to share a lemonade with her, he didn’t flinch.
This miniscule suffering was certainly worth it, he decided as he witnessed the joy lighting up her expression. She beamed brighter than the sunlight above, and happiness (such a fleeting emotion to find in a cruel world as this) didn’t deserve to be ruined by his own selfish desires.
Thankfully, he sat with his legs crossed so often (it was such a regal pose, and it had the added benefit of preventing his imposingly tall legs from kicking her under the table) that it wouldn’t arouse suspicion in the slightest. He could maintain the discipline to avoid any needless fidgeting, and endure whatever further trials she wanted to throw at him. He would sit here stoically and listen to her speak for hours, eternities if she demanded it. Anything to fulfill his pledge to her...