Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nothing lasts forever.

Keith has known this for a while. It’s nothing new to him. He’s known it since the day his dad died. He knows that any time he spends with someone will eventually end.

No one stays around.

Since nothing lasts forever, no one stays around. Everyone has to leave eventually. His mom didn’t stay around for him. His dad didn’t stay around. Whether they leave because they want to or they die or they make him leave, no one stays around Keith.

The foster homes didn’t want him. Apparently, he had too much trouble. Keith kept switching from foster home to foster home.

From school to school.

No one wants Keith, even if they seem like they do.

Even if they act like they do.

Keith knows this. Has known it since he first had to switch schools. The principal saw his record from his last school. The teachers for his classes were informed of Keith’s track record.

Most of them just ignored him or sent him to the principal’s office when something happened.

But the teachers that didn’t, the teachers that talked to him, the teachers that seemed like they cared about Keith, they just tried to fix him. Just to reprimand him, try to make him stay behind, make him promise not to do it again. They didn’t care why he did the things he did in the first place.

They didn’t want to know Keith at all.

Shiro was different.

He saw Keith’s behavior and vouched for him when no one else would. When the teachers said he was bad.

He took Keith under his wing and taught him, wanted to know him, didn’t want to fix him. He stood up for Keith at the Garrison, listened to what he had to say. He didn’t try to fix Keith, he tried to teach Keith. He tried to get Keith to choose to change and work towards that change.

But then Keith got expelled.

This is how Keith learns that anyone who tries to stick around gets hurt.

Shiro tried to be Keith’s friend, his mentor, his brother, and yet he still got hurt because of Keith.

Because no one else wanted Keith around.

Shiro gets hurt when Keith has to leave.
Keith doesn’t mind living alone though. He’s been alone most of his life anyway. 

Keith is independent.

Keith puts himself first, takes care of himself.

Keith isolates.

Why should he let anyone get close if they won’t stay?

Why should he let anyone who manages to get close to him stick around if they’ll leave him eventually or get hurt from being around him?

Keith isolates.

He works better alone. He doesn’t have to deal with the people around him. Keith is expendable. He will take risks to complete whatever he is trying to do.

He doesn’t need people dragging him down.

Keith hears the term “Lone Wolf” one day. He likes it. Keith does his own thing, follows his instincts, and puts himself in the line of fire. No one can get hurt that way.

But then he’s forced to join Voltron.

He is forced to be a part of a team, work with other people. Communicate.

Keith isn’t used to doing that.

Keith isn’t used to people wanting to protect him.

Keith isn’t used to having people have his back.

It scares him.

He also isn’t used to having to follow someone’s orders. Like Allura’s or Coran’s. He follows a mission, but if he can do something more efficiently, Keith is going to do it.

They’re lucky Shiro is the leader, piloting the Black Lion. Keith respects Shiro. Shiro was the only one who cared about him.

They’re lucky Shiro is the leader, because Keith wouldn’t stick together with the team otherwise.

But when they go through that wormhole, and it spits Shiro and Keith out onto a deserted planet by themselves, and Shiro is hurt again.

Keith knows it’s his fault.

Shiro was by his side, and he got hurt.

Everyone in Voltron got hurt.

Keith is lucky when he manages to save Shiro from those dinosaur things by piloting the Black Lion. But he won’t let it happen again in the future.

Keith isolates. He tries to be alone, tries not to talk to anyone. Tries to find ways to pass the time by himself.

But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

Sometimes he’s stuck with Lance somewhere like when the elevator got stuck, or Lance just comes walking into the room Keith’s in during his alone time and just... stays.
Keith doesn’t know what Lance wants with him. Didn’t Lance call Keith his rival?

Keith doesn’t know what to do or what this development means, but he does know a few things.

1. Nothing lasts forever.
2. No one stays around.
3. No one wants Keith, even if they act like they do.
4. Anyone who tries to stick around gets hurt.

So Keith ignores Lance, pushes him away.

But no matter how hard he isolates, nothing seems to help.

Shiro gets hurt again.

They fight Zarkon and Shiro just... disappears. Keith’s brother disappears. He just vanishes from the Black Lion.

And Keith remembers what Shiro said when they were stuck on that planet, that he wanted him to lead if something ever happened.

Keith can’t replace Shiro. It’s his fault Shiro is gone in the first place. Shiro was around him and so he got hurt. How is Keith just supposed to take over the Black Lion and replace Shiro?

Keith only looks out for himself. How is he supposed to lead?

He doesn’t want to lead, he doesn’t want the Black Lion. Doesn’t he have a choice?

Everyone tells him no. He doesn’t have one.

But, out of everyone there, Lance is the one who tells him that no one is replacing Shiro. Lance, his rival, the one who wanted to be a leader so badly, the one who sat in Black for thirty minutes, is the one telling Keith that he’s worthy of being a leader.

Lance doesn’t say that he should’ve gotten the job. Instead, he says that he respects the decision that the Black Lion made.

And that Keith should respect that too.

So Keith tries.

He tries to lead his way in the fight against Lotor. Tries to keep pushing. Tries to lead everyone the way he leads himself.

But Lance stops him. Tells him that he can’t. That he’s putting everyone in danger. That they need to go back and regroup.

Keith isn’t used to having to take care of other people.

Keith isn’t used to having to think about people other than himself.

Keith isn’t used to being a team leader.

Chapter Text

But Keith has to be a team leader.

He’s the Black Paladin now, not the Red one. He has to lead.

He wishes Shiro was here to guide him on how to be a good leader.

But he’s glad he has Lance to be his right-hand man. Lance actually does a really good job of controlling Red when they form Voltron. He is a good right hand.

But Lance does a good job of helping him. Keeping him in control. Reigning him in.

It’s... nice to not be fighting with Lance anymore. Sure, they tease each other once in a while, but it’s playful banter now. At least, Keith hopes it is.

He doesn’t want to fight with Lance.

Keith keeps wondering when Lance will give up on him though.

When the team will give up on him.

Lance keeps trying to hang out with Keith still, even when he tries to isolate himself.

Lance will just keep talking. He talks about his family, his life on Earth, what he wishes he could get at the space mall, his skincare routine.

Keith listens. He doesn’t understand why Lance hangs out with him, but he listens to him.

But he doesn’t know when Lance is going to leave him behind. Or give up on him.

Or get hurt.

He doesn't want Lance to get hurt.

Keith doesn’t want any of the team to be hurt but... there’s something about Lance.

Keith tries to isolate again. He spends all his time in the training room, he learns how to lock the doors so no one can come in, he spends any extra time in his room.

He doesn’t eat dinner with the rest of the paladins. He eats dinner at midnight when everyone is asleep.

He only sees them for team exercises.

Lance keeps trying to talk to him.

Everyone is trying to talk to him, actually. Allura, Pidge, Hunk, Coran, even the space mice are annoying him.

Keith doesn’t want to talk about it.

What’s he going to tell them anyway? It’s not like they’ll understand.

So Keith isolates.

But weird things keep happening.

Some nights, Keith finds his favorite food in the kitchen. He doesn’t know who did it, or who even knew his favorite food, but it’s... weird. To think that someone would do this.

To think someone would care enough to do this.

As Keith eats it, he thinks it must have been Hunk. Hunk is the best cook around the ship.

But how did Hunk know he eats so late?

Keith really appreciates it though. He just doesn’t know what to do.

One day, Keith finds extra blankets and pillows in his room, along with pajamas.

He was never really the one for pajamas recently, but maybe he should try it.

He finds that he likes them.

And he doesn’t know who did it, but he kind of likes it. He’s never really been the type to like lots of blankets, but it’s actually nice. It’s warm and fuzzy and it makes him feel like he isn’t alone when he is.

It reminds him of when he was a kid and he would sleep with his dad in his bed when he had nightmares.

It has to have been Coran or Allura who did it because they’re the only ones who would know where extra blankets and pillows would be.

Keith appreciates that. He doesn’t know what to do about it though.

Another time, Keith finds that the training bots have been upgraded with new features. More difficult modes, interesting challenges, even... games.

Keith can guess who did this one. When it comes to programming and coding, there’s no one like Pidge.

Keith likes the challenges and difficult modes. The games were interesting too.

Keith appreciates what Pidge did, he just doesn’t know what to do.

And then Keith finds Lance with a blanket/pillow fort in the lounge area, and a projected screen.

He’s got hot chocolate and tea and snacks and he’s looking at Keith like Keith is supposed to do something.

Keith doesn’t know what to do. He stands still.

“Allura and Coran and Hunk and Pidge helped me make something for you if you want to see it. I haven’t seen it yet.” Lance pats the floor next to him, looking at Keith with puppy-dog eyes.

Keith can’t resist that, it’s unfair.

So he walks over and sits down next to Lance, covers himself in the blanket like he doesn’t exist, and waits.

Lance smiles at him and hands him tea. Keith doesn’t know how Lance knew he was lactose-intolerant, but he accepts the tea.

Lance grabs his hot chocolate and presses play on the remote.

Shiro pops up on the projector. It’s... Shiro from before the accident. It’s when Keith met Shiro.

Keith turns to look at Lance, eyes wide.

“Do you remember that memory thing from when we first started training as Voltron?” Lance says, still watching the screen. “Allura said that it actually records the memories, so if we wanted to make a memory slideshow featuring Shiro, we could.”

Oh.

That’s... interesting.

Keith goes back to watching the projected screen.

It’s Keith meeting Shiro, Shiro standing up for Keith, Shiro mentoring Keith. Shiro learning Keith’s favorite food. Shiro learning what kind of games and challenges Keith likes for when they train.

And then it’s a memory Keith hasn’t seen before. It’s Shiro with Matt, talking to Matt and Pidge’s dad.

Keith realizes this must be Pidge’s memory. He watches Shiro meeting and working with Matt and Sam Holt. He watches Shiro prepare for the mission.

And then he sees himself. He sees himself training at the Garrison, Shiro keeping track of him.

It must be Lance, or Hunk, or something.

Then it’s memories he knows. It’s memories of the rescue, it’s Keith rescuing Shiro and meeting Lance and Hunk and Pidge. It’s them going into Voltron for the first time. It’s them meeting Allura and Coran.

It’s them becoming friends.

It’s switching perspectives so fast that Keith doesn’t even know who the memory came from anymore.

And then it stops. A black screen.

And then it starts.

Keith sees himself again. But it’s things he’s never seen. It’s Shiro talking about Keith to Adam, it’s Shiro talking with Iverson about Keith’s potential, it’s...

It’s Shiro’s memories.

It’s Shiro teaching Keith, it’s Shiro leading the team, it’s Shiro mentoring Keith, showing him the bike trick. It’s Shiro on that miserable hunk of rock. It’s Shiro fighting. It’s Shiro talking to Matt and Sam about Keith, about his potential.

It’s Shiro being sad when Keith is expelled.

It’s Shiro calling Keith his little brother and Keith calling Shiro his big brother.

It’s Shiro.

And the video ends and Keith doesn’t do the crying thing often, but he’s crying.

His tears are streaming down his face, his tea is cold, and it’s silent.

Suddenly, he’s being handed a tissue.

Keith forgot Lance was there. He looks over at Lance and... Lance is crying too.

Keith takes the tissue and wipes his own tears.

“‘M sorry, Keith,” Lance says as he wipes his tears.

“We just wanted to give you a gift because we know you miss Shiro and we just want you to remember that you aren’t replacing him. He lives on in all of us. Shiro would be proud of you being the Black Paladin.”

Keith doesn’t know what to do. He appreciates the gift from everyone, from Lance, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Everyone in this ship appreciates him and cares about him, but Keith is scared.

1. Nothing lasts forever.
2. No one stays around.
3. No one wants Keith, even if they act like they do.
4. Anyone who tries to stick around gets hurt.

Keith has clung to these rules for years, and he doesn’t know what to do.

1. Nothing lasts forever.
2. No one stays around.
3. No one wants Keith, even if they act like they do.
4. Anyone who tries to stick around gets hurt.

All of the paladins seemed to actually want Keith. They seem to want him and Keith doesn’t know what to do because if this rule is broken, what about the rest?

1. Nothing lasts forever.
2. No one stays around.
3. No one wants Keith, even if they act like they do.
4. Anyone who tries to stick around gets hurt.

Everyone seems to be staying around. They want to stay with him and be in Voltron with him. They haven’t left him.

But Keith still knows two things.

1. Nothing lasts forever.
2. Anyone who tries to stick around him gets hurt.

Shiro got hurt, his dad got hurt.

And Voltron, once they win the war, what will happen to them? Will they still care about him? Will they still want him around?

“Keith?” Lance says.

Keith turns his head to him.

“Did... I do something wrong?”

Lance didn’t do anything wrong, why is he asking? Keith is the one who is wrong.

“Keith, I’m sorry if I did something wrong. I just wanted to show you that you could be a leader and that you could trust us. Trust me .”

Keith doesn’t know what to do. 

“And, if anything is scaring you, just know that we’re all in this together. The rest of Voltron is right here with you. We can go through it all together when the problems come.”

Deal with it when it comes. Keith has always been an impulsive person but... he doesn’t know what that means.

“You know, like YOLO,” Lance says.

“YOLO?” Keith responds.

“Finally, the man talks! And he doesn’t know what YOLO means despite it being an outdated phrase.”

“Okay, but what does it mean?”

“‘You only live once.’ Like, don’t be scared of the future and what’s going to happen, because you only live once. So, enjoy the present, and whatever happens, deal with it then.”

Oh. Keith has never thought of that. Enjoying what he has now, instead of dreading the end of it.

Keith might like the sound of that.

“Okay,” he says to Lance.

“'Okay' what?”

“I’ll try that. Thank you.”

So Keith tries that. He tries to trust in Voltron, trust they won’t leave him. He tries not to think about the end. He tries to think about the present.

About them as a family right now.

Keith knows that maybe his rules are still in place, but he tries not to worry about them.

Lance helps him with that. The rest of the team does too.

Keith tries to be a good leader.

After all, he’s the Black Paladin.